Home Economics (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 14 - Salsa Competition Entry Fee, $45 - full transcript

Chapter 21:

After Denise's
bombshell announcement

on Valentine's Day that
she wanted to get pregnant,

everyone in the family
was excited about the idea.

Aww, they look like
little train conductors.

Choo-choo!

Everyone except Sarah.

All aboard the train to baby
town, population: Us.

Woo!

I'll start saving
these outfits for you.

You'll have
an extra pair of everything.



Yeah, unless you have twins.
[laughs]

Do not have twins.

I'm sending this to Jojo.

How's her work trip?

Great.
Yeah, yeah,

she's like live streaming

a butterfly migration
sponsored by Lunchables.

Yeah, it was a huge get.

Oh, I've always
wanted to see one of those.

We should make a list of things
to do before the baby.

Yeah, like a bucket list.

- We're not dying.
- Oh, right.

No, of course,
nothing like that.

Okay, let's go back to Mommy.
Yeah, here we go.



Good job.

Hey, you know
those baby on board signs?

- Yeah.
- I'm starting to get the vibe

- you're not on board with baby.
- Is it obvious?

I've been fake smiling so much
my face hurts.

Don't worry, as a writer
I'm more perceptive than most.

It's a gift, but...
it's also very much a curse.

Well, I never thought that we
would have more kids, you know?

I thought we were good.

But Denise is so excited.

How do you tell
the woman that you love

that she shouldn't have a baby?

I was just
really looking forward

to having some
more time on our hands.

You know,
Kelvin and Shamiah are finally

a little more independent,

and we can
actually go out and do stuff.

You're preaching
to the choir.

After Marina's pregnancy scare,
I immediately signed up

- for a vasectomy.
- Really?

[popping lips]

Wow.
Are you nervous?

Because you don't have
much of a pain tolerance.

Yeah I do.
Ow, what the...

It'll be way worse than that.

[♪ ♪]

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

Speaking Spanish...

Sí, por favor.

Lupe was smiling.

She never smiles, what's that?

Yeah, she's excited
about her salsa contest.

Oh, she's gonna crush that.
She fire roasts the peppers.

- It frickin' rips.
- Are you... are you serious?

She's salsa dancing.

In her amateur salsa club.

- With her boyfriend.
- Alphonse.

Oh... tay.

Didn't Lupe was dating anyone.
Get it, Lupe!

She's been dating him
for the past four months.

Do you know anything
about the woman

that takes care of your
house and your kid?

And strains the pulp
out of your orange juice

because it tickles your throat?

Yeah, even I knew that Lupe
was in a salsa competition,

and she does not like me.

Look, guys, I know plenty
of things about Lupe, okay?

I.e... she's from Colombia.

What town in Colombia?

Colombia City, Colombia.

- Not a place.
- Does she have any kids?

- Yes.
- How many?

Two...

to five.

Veronica, Inez, and Diego.

So I was right.

I assumed you two
were closer.

Didn't you watch all of the
"Transformers" movies together?

Yeah, but you don't talk
during those.

You'd miss all the nuance.

Look, I consider Lupe
more than an employee, okay?

I consider her a friend.

We just don't talk about,
like, our past,

or our feelings,
or anything personal.

Yeah, you sound
like real besties.

[all exclaiming]

[speaking Spanish]

I still have to cover it
in rhinestones.

Alphonse is gonna love it.

Right, Alphonse.

Your boyfriend
of four months.

Not to be confused
with your three kids...

um, all of whom have
beautiful names.

[♪ ♪]

There she is.
Lupe!

Loop there it is!

What do you say to some drinks?

Protein shake,
orange juice no pulp?

Oh no, I meant drinks,
like, for the...

two of us, as friends.

Are you dying?

No. No, I just wanna...

hang.

I'll make you your
favourite cocktail, what is it?

Canelazo.

All right, coming right up.

Um, quick question...

what is that,
how do you make that,

and where do we keep
our drink making stuff?

- I'll get us some beers.
- Great.

Just two friends
sippin' on some suds.

So, salsa.

How long you been, uh,
burning up the dance flo'?

We don't have to talk
about this.

Come on, I want to know.

Can I... can I
come to this contest?

I'm not doing it anymore.

Alphonse broke up with me.

Oh, um...

I'm sorry.

I'll get you a tissue.

Where do we keep the tissues?

What the!? What?
No, no, no, no, no, oh.

You Googled vasectomy,
didn't you?

No...

- I went on Reddit.
- Tom!

There's a thread
about the side effects

from the procedure.
Donotsnip83 says he still

feels a burning sensation
when he pees.

That sounds like an STD.

Well, definitely anti-condom.

And stop scaring yourself.

You, like hundreds of other
men, are gonna get a vasectomy

tomorrow, and everything
is gonna be fine.

It certainly won't hurt
more than pushing out a baby.

Well, according to
Charizard27,

the pain is comparable
to giving birth.

- [speaking Spanish]
- Charizard said it, not me.

[speaking Spanish]

- Hi Connor.
- Hey.

So, uh, after you went
on and on

about me not being close
with Lupe, I...

I had this like weird feeling
in my stomach.

Mm-hmm, it's called guilt.

Yeah.
So I asked her a few questions,

and turns out her boyfriend
broke up with her.

And now she's out
of the salsa competition.

Oh no, is she okay?

[vacuum buzzing]

Yeah, I don't think so.

Well, have you
tried talking to her?

That's what got me
in this mess to begin with.

Okay, I'm coming by.
You're in over your head.

Oh my God, they stick
a whole needle in there?

How?
Oh God, now I know how.

The truth
is we were growing apart.

I was hoping dancing
would bring us closer.

Dancing can do that.

I got pregnant
with the twins while watching

- "Step Up 2: The Streets."
- [sighs]

We had been practicing
for weeks.

I was so excited.

Now it's all for nothing.

I know how you feel.

I was in a salsa club in high
school and I was obsessed,

and my dad made me quit
because he thought

it was distracting me
from my studies.

I'm so embarrassed.

I invited all of my friends
and family to watch.

It's a bummer.

I bet your three kids,
Veronica, Inez, and Diego,

were so excited
to watch you dance.

You know what, Connor?

You could step in
as her partner.

- Me?
- Him?

Yeah, you were in that
break-dancing crew in college.

The Con Artists?
Yeah, we were incredible.

But I don't know
how to salsa dance,

and Lupe probably doesn't
want to dance with me anyways.

It's a lot of choreography
to learn in two days.

And I would still
have to bedazzle my dress.

So we agree, it's impossible.

No, nothing is impossible
with the right coach.

Me! I'll be your coach!

And as far as the bedazzling,
Sarah and Denise can help.

- I don't know...
- Oh, come on.

Your family deserves
to see all of your hard work.

And look,
it might not be perfect,

but it'll be something.

And it will be perfect.

I guess if Optimus Prime
and Bumblebee

can team up
to defeat the Decepticons,

Huevo!

So we're doing this?

Awesome.

So on the baby front,

I've been doing
some preliminary research.

It's mostly
pictures of babies napping.

- Mm-hmm.
- I got all distracted.

Have you called your insurance
to see if they cover spouses?

Oh, uh, you know what?
It totally slipped my mind,

so I will call
first thing on Monday.

- Okay.
- Okay.

It's just... that's
the third time I've asked.

Yeah, and it's
the third time I've forgotten.

- Is everything okay?
- Well, I just um...

[phone rings]

Hey Marina! Hi!

Hey, I have a huge favour
to ask.

You got it.
I'm ready.

Do you want
to know what it is first?

It's pretty involved,
and there's a time crunch.

Perfect. Yes, yes, yes.
We'll help you.

Here's a post vasectomy
ice pack for your crotch.

[laughing]

You said crotch.

What's wrong with Dad?

[imitating guns]

Well, the doctors,
they gave him

a little something for his
anxiety before his procedure,

and then he gave him
a little something for his pain

after the procedure.

Guys, are my arms
always this heavy?

- He's a little loopy.
- Okay, how do I put 'em down?

Hey!

- Hi!
- Hi.

Rawr!
[laughing]

Thank you for helping out
while I coach the dance team.

Tom can't watch
the twins on his own.

I cannot watch the twins.

Sounds like he
really freaked out.

- I freaked out.
- The nurse took a video.

He's gonna be
in a training film.

But don't worry, they
promised to blur out my face...

and my penis.

Okay, I have you set up
for the bedazzling over here.

The competition is tomorrow,

and we want Lupe sparkling
from head to toe.

- This is a lot of rhinestones.
- Yes, exactly 3,000.

And they're all supposed to
end up on Lupe's dress?

But, good news... Connor's
costume only has 1,000.

No problem.
We are up for the task.

Honey, I can do it,
I'm fine.

Look, I'm rocking Esteban
to sleep right now.

Let's get you
back on the couch.

Shh... oh, support the head.
[laughing]

You gotta support the head.

When it comes to salsa,
my philosophy is:

- It's all about fun.
- Hey, fun sounds good.

- I can do fun.
- No.

F-U-N.

Frame, unity,
never look at your feet.

- Well, that was misleading.
- Shh, listen to Coach.

Time is not our friend here.

She is a cruel mistress
who wants to see us fail.

I have 24 hours to turn you

into salsa dancing champions.

So face each other.

Look into each other's eyes.

You are now one. Unity.

Connor join your left
hand onto Lupe's right!

Other left hand.

I don't like these odds,
Coach.

Hey, here's a fresh ice pack
for your... you know.

Come on, Denise,
we're both adults.

- You can call it my wee-wee.
- I'd prefer not to.

Kay, Duh-nise.

Duh-nise, Duh-nise, Duh-nise.
[laughing]

Your name's kind of fun to say.

Duh-niiise... DUH-nise!
[laughing]

[laughs awkwardly]
[baby cooing]

Aww, she's so sweet with them.

Yeah, Sarah has always
been great with babies.

It's too bad
she doesn't want one.

What?

- Why do you say that?
- 'Cause she told me.

But she's afraid to tell you.
That's why you don't know.

So, shh, don't tell, Duhniiise.
[laughs]

Duh-nise. De-noice!

Okay.

Now that we know our
laterales from our cruzados,

let's get sweaty.

[salsa music]

[♪ ♪]

Whoo!

[♪ ♪]

Remember, Connor,

she's the picture,
you're the frame.

Don't let the book fall.

Make eye contact with Lupe.

Stop looking at your feet.

Aah!

Ay diablo!

- Connor!
- That's why I look at my feet!

You need to lead Lupe.

Guide her
where you want her to go.

And where do I want her
to go?

Ay, not there.

Let's take a break.
Gretchen!

Not cool, Gretch.

Twins are finally asleep.

Listening to Terry Gross
did the trick.

Good to know.
I'll try to keep my voice down

during the argument
we're about to have.

About the bedazzling?

I'm trying,
but I'm not as fast as you.

No, Tom told me that
don't wanna have a baby.

- Is that true?
- What?

You can't trust Tom,
he's high as a kite right now.

Whoa, whoa, guys?

Where'd my feet go?
Oh, yeah, there they are.

False alarm.

Okay...

maybe I'm a little unsure
about the whole thing.

I just didn't
want to disappoint you.

This is a major decision.

We have to be honest
with each other.

Then,
if we're being honest,

I'm worried
that it would be a lot.

We just started saving
for a new apartment,

and we're finally at a place
with Kelvin and Shamiah

where we can
actually relax for once.

Don't you remember what it
was like raising little kids?

Of course I do.

I have like eight cups of
coffee to get through the day.

You still drink
eight cups of coffee.

I teach second graders.

Okay, well then
a newborn would be...

I don't know
if I could handle it.

I don't know
if you could handle it.

Can we just continue
this conversation later,

because it's getting late,
and those costumes

- are nowhere near done.
- I wonder whose fault that is.

I'm sorry,
I have slow fingers.

Guys I spilled my soup.

Did we give him soup?

No, I think he peed.

- What are you doing up?
- We saw you needed help.

So we're helping.

I'm mainly eating Cheetos,
but I'm here for moral support.

Uh, guys,
I'm not sure this is soup.

- Yeah, that's all you
- Okay.

[brassy salsa music]

That cross-body lead
was sloppy.

Don't even get me
started with the triple spin.

Connor, she's not a dreidel.

Let's take five... Gretchen
and I need to strategise.

[Connor exhaling]

- You havin' F-U-N, yet?
- [laughs]

Marina's tough, but nothing
like my first salsa teacher

- in Colombia.
- She was a monster?

- She was my mother.
- Oh wow.

She and my dad used to go
to the salsa clubs every week.

That's where I met my husband.

He saw me on the dance floor,
asked me to dance,

a few months later,
asked me to marry.

My parents never liked him.

Emily's parents
never liked me either.

At the wedding,
they kept referring to it

as Emily's first wedding.

Oof.

- Yeah.
- In the end, they were right.

The jerk cheated on me.

Raising one kid as a divorced
parent has been hard enough.

I can't even imagine
what it was like for you.

They were less
of a handful than you are.

- Oh ho ho!
- [laughs]

We had an inspiration.

Seeing as Connor isn't picking
things up fast enough,

Lupe will have to back lead.

Connor you just
let Lupe do everything.

So kind of the way
things work around the house.

Daaaamn!

Getting roasted out here,
tonight.

All right, let's go,
let's go!

Tonight's gonna be
a late night!

[salsa music]

[♪ ♪]

Huh.

They call that a dip?

Well, this is an amateur
competition.

I know.

That's why
we're gonna crush them.

Hey, sorry we're late.
We were bedazzling in the car.

Oh, wow!

I love it!

Oh, thank you so much,
all of you.

It's so sparkly.

We need you to change, okay?

Vamos, vamos!

Honestly cannot believe
that we just pulled that off,

right Lulu? Yay us!

Yup...

Gonna take the kids
to the vending machine

to get some chips.

[muttering] Okay.

Uh... it's just
kind of coming back to me now,

but when I was out of it,
did I tell Denise...

That I'm scared
to have a baby?

- Sure did.
- And is she...

Mad at me for not
telling her my true feelings?

Yep, big time.

I'm so sorry, Sarah.

It was the pills talking.

It's okay.
Honestly, I take comfort

in knowing that you're
in a lot of pain right now.

Actually,
I'm getting kind of a...

range of motion back
in my hips.

Eww, stop making
eye contact with me.

- What?
- [laughs]

[cheering and applause]

Que maravillosa!

I'm kind of vibing
off this deep V.

Good thing today was chest day.
All right.

- Ready to do this, Lupe?
- Mm-hmm.

Now dancing, Alphonse Ruiz
and Luna la Lucci.

[cheers and applause]

Alphonse...

oh, he moved on quick.

And with
a much younger partner.

Hey, so did you.

She's amazing

[gasps] Look at
that triple spin!

Uh, that's what
that's supposed to look like?

[♪ ♪]

I can't do this.

I can't go out there
and dance in front of him.

Hey, Lupe, stop.
Come on.

I can't.
It's too much pressure.

Hey, when your husband
Gustavo

left you for his podiatrist,

did you cry into
your sancocho de gallina?

No! You were strong enough
to leave Cartagena

and start a new life.

You came here with nothing
but three children.

But you thrived!

If you can do that,
you can go out there

in front of your dumb
ex-boyfriend and pull this off!

Up next: Lupe Marino
and Connor Hayworth.

Lupe, your whole family
came here to see you.

Both of your families.

Don't let stupid Alphonse take
this moment away from you.

You're right.

Come on,
let's crush that payaso!

[giggling]

Vamos!

[cheering and applause]

- Vamos!
- Whoo!

[salsa music]

[♪ ♪]

[cheering and applause]

[whistling]

[♪ ♪]

Shimmy!

[salsa instrumental and vocal]

[♪ ♪]

[cheering and applause]

[♪ ♪]

Yes!

[♪ ♪]

[crowd exclaiming]

[cheering and applause]

[crowd chanting]
Lupe! Lupe! Lupe! Lupe!

[♪ ♪]

Fourth place?
These judges are blind!

I just care that
Alphonse came in fifth.

Only victory I need!
[laughs]

Showed him
what he's missing.

Thank you so much
for helping.

It was a nice thing to do...

for a friend.

[laughs]

Hey, look!

They scored a nine
on their costumes.

- All thanks to you!
- Oh, it was a team effort.

The kids deserve
most of the credit.

I appreciate it.

Hey, um...

I'm sorry for not
telling you my real feelings.

- You were just so excited.
- Yeah, I'm excited,

but I want you
to be excited too.

I'm not doing this without you.

I know you weren't expecting
this, and I wasn't either.

I guess I...

just love having kids with you.

Well, we do raise
really awesome kids.

I mean,
they killed it this week.

Everyone did.

I know raising two little
kids on our own was tough,

but this time we'd have
a whole village helping us.

- That's true.
- And there's no rush.

We still have
a lot to figure out,

and a lot of money to save up.

Okay?
[laughs awkwardly]

- Like a lot?
- Let's not ruin this moment.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Honey congrats,
they crushed it.

They really did.

- I'm just sad it's all over.
- Well...

hey, maybe you could be
like a part-time salsa coach.

Is that even a thing?

No, it's not that
I missed the dancing.

I just miss being
passionate about something.

And you know this legal job
pays bills, but...

I need to find what makes me
happy, you know,

what's my new salsa?

Well, look, if it exists,
I know you will find it.

And hey, the pain down there,
it's almost gone.

Shall we?

I'll back lead.

[salsa music]

[♪ ♪]

- Mira, Marina!
- Oh! Whoa!

Upbeat music, Spanish vocals...

[♪ ♪]