Home Economics (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - Men's Water-Resistant Watch, $289 - full transcript

Chapter 17.

It was a new year,
a time to look forward.

But as Denise
and her sister, JoJo,

were enjoying a fresh start
to their relationship,

for Tom and Marina,
the new year marked an ending.

To finishing
Sofía Salazar's book.

- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo!

So what's the book called?

"Even When Poor,
I Felt Rich: My Story."

That's a good title.
It's like a riddle.

I just have one more proof,
I gotta change



a couple accent marks,
and then adios, Sofía.

Book comes out
in a couple months,

and with our back-end deal...

You might be looking
at two people

who finally have their heads
barely above water.

Oh, that is the dream.

Tom finally felt flush enough
to replace his old watch.

Waterproof
up to 100 metres, so yeah,

won't be taking this bad boy
off in the shower. [Laughs]

Wow,
even your happy things are sad.

Problem is,
the band is loose

no matter
how much I tighten it.

Curse
of the bird-wristed boy.

My watch guy
can probably fix that.



You have a watch guy?

Well, no, he's technically
my Jet Ski guy,

but watches
are his side hustle.

I'll call him right now.

You don't have
to call him right now.

No, no.
No big deal.

Yeah, I'll just excuse myself

and handle that right now.

Just go do that right now.

Okay.
Thank you.

[laughter]

I'll be right back.
You guys keep practicing.

[giggles]

Wait, do you actually
have a Jet Ski guy?

Did that come off
a little douchey?

Not a little.

[laughter]

Okay, we need
to be more careful.

Yeah,
that's a good point.

No need to rock the boat.

Unless we're having sex
on a boat.

I have a boat, you know.

You know you don't have
to try so hard to impress me.

It's not like we're a thing
or anything.

It's just fun.

Yeah, so much fun.
Secret fun in closets.

That's all it is.

We should get back.
Garage in 45 minutes?

See you there.

[laughter]

Hey.

Hey, what's up?
How are you?

Kelvin went beast mode
on his TikTok dance

and spilled some
cranberry juice on the rug,

so I'm just gonna
grab some stain remover.

- No, no, it's cool.
- No, I don't mind.

- It's fine.
- It's all good.

No, seriously.
It's all good.

But it's gonna set.
Cranberry sets.

I've been meaning to replace
that rug anyway.

I never really liked
the foot... the foot feel.

Are you okay?

Me? I'm just lonely.
Yeah, you know.

Especially with Gretchen
at her mom's house,

I just... just don't have that
special someone in my life.

Yeah.

Sometimes it's like
I forgot how to kiss.

- Connor, you poor thing.
- It's tough.

You know, he who has family
is never truly alone.

- Aw, that's beautiful.
- Yeah.

That's beautiful. Wow.

Yeah. Powerful words.

Forgotten how to kiss, huh?

I really liked that rug too.

[upbeat music]

♪ Hey, hey, ♪
*HOME ECONOMICS*

♪ Hey, hey ♪
Season 02 Episode 10

Episode Title:
"Men’s Water-Resistant Watch, $289d"

Sorry, lo siento.

Can you check again,
por favor?

Hey, I'm talking
to this woman in Puerto Rico.

I'm trying to figure out
the spelling

of Sofía's elementary school,

but... she keeps saying that she
didn't go there or something.

Can you... please?

You better credit me
in your book.

Hola!
Speaking Spanish...

- Marina?
- I have my own

interview style.

Sí, oye.

Okay.

Yeah, she didn't go there.

What? No.
She did.

Listen, "Across
from the plantain farm

"where my family toiled
in the sun

"sat a one-room schoolhouse.

"It was here that I learned
not just my ABCs

but the value of community,
of breaking bread together."

Wow.

Toiled in the sun.
Huh.

- What?
- Plantain farm, you say?

Where are you going
with this?

Put on a pot of coffee.

University district hospital.

Come on,
she told me she was born

"in the back
of my parents' tiny shack,

"a structure held together
with equal parts tar paper

and love."
God, that is good writing.

I knew she was bad news.
I mean, look at all of this.

Her whole rags-to-riches story
is a lie.

She was born in
the best hospital in San Juan.

She attended
the Dorado Preparatory School,

and her father,
he isn't a farmer.

He owns a copper mine.

This is a disaster.

And she doesn't have
an alibi

for the night of the murder
of Miguel Alvarez.

Wait, what?

That one's more of a reach.

- I don't know what to do.
- I mean, I'm complicit in fraud.

Let's not freak out just yet.

The first thing
that we need to do

is just talk to Sofía.

Right.

- Okay.
- Hey, yes.

There are certain parts
of my life that I, um...

Cómo qué se dice?
Um...

fudged?

Fudged? You told me
you lived in a shack.

Because there was a shack
on the grounds of our estate.

You know, the gardener
lived there.

The title of the book is
"Even When Poor, I Felt Rich."

You felt rich
'cause you were rich.

My God,
you're overreacting, Tom.

You are so cute.

Marina, if I squint,

I... I can see
why you're attracted to him.

Flattery's not gonna work
anymore, Sofía.

Tell us what you know
about Miguel Alvarez.

- Who?
- I don't know.

This... this one's her thing.

Her eyes darted to the left.
That's a tell.

- Yeah, okay.
- Look, Tom.

Now, if this information
goes out,

the book might not.

And there is a lot...

Listen to me... a lot of money
at stake for both of us.

Okay, okay.

Tell you what, we'll just delay
the book and rewrite it.

Or we do nothing,

and nobody will ever know
the truth, hmm?

But we will.

[laughs]
My God, you're so dramatic.

Tom, I... I love her,
but I... I gotta go.

You know, I am introducing
a new ceviche tonight,

so bye-bye.

Speaking Spanish...

Yeah, I'm starting to think
she did murder that guy.

Right?

Kel, we all love
your dance moves.

They are very sick and dope.

But we don't love it
when you jump out of a loft.

- Mm.
- Yesterday Connor's rug.

Today your elbow?

Uncle Connor said
he didn't care about the rug.

Well, he's not himself
right now.

He's lonely.

He just needs someone
to come along

and knock him
off his feet.

Both: Oh!

I'm so sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

No, it's my fault.

I tend to not look
where I'm going.

One of these days,
I'm gonna end up in a hospital.

Get it?
Hospital?

Yes.
Yeah.

A sense of humour.
Check.

Hey, Kelvin.

I'm Dr. Kylie.
I hear you hurt your elbow.

Yeah, I'm an active preteen.
Been here twice this month.

- Same as me.
- I just started yesterday.

Welcome
to Resource Urgent Care.

You're going to want
to check out

the vending machine
on four.

Sometimes it gives
two Snickers.

- Good tip.
- [laughs]

I'm still getting
my bearings.

New job, new city,
new everything.

New everything?

Did you move to town alone
or...

Yep.
Single doctor in the big city.

Single.

All right,
I'll be right back.

Okay.
We'll be here.

What's your game here?

I think she might be
a good match for Uncle Connor.

Hmm, I can see it.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
could I go to jail?

I mean, I don't think so.
My name's not on the book.

People are gonna know
that I wrote it.

Remember what
"The Dallas Morning News" said?

- I have...
- You have...

both: A very distinctive
writing style.

- Yup.
- Hey.

Got your watch.

My guy had to replace the band
with one called

the Little Executive.

It's very popular
amongst bar mitzvah boys.

- Sorry, men.
- [sighs]

What's up?
What's going on with you guys?

There is a um... situation.

What kind of sitch?

Let's just say we know
something about... someone.

A secret that person
wants to keep quiet.

Oh.

What do you mean?
What kind of secret?

Is it about...
someone close to you?

- Very close, yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, in that case, I'd say
how about we keep this quiet

and be cool about this,
huh, guys?

But how can we?

Keeping the secret
feels so dirty.

Although there is the potential
for money if we... we keep quiet.

Looking for a bribe, really?

That's how you want
to play this?

What? No.
I... I don't think

the publisher would
pay a bribe even if we were.

Wait, what are you
talking about?

What are you talking about?

Publish...
Oh, is this about the cookbook?

Hypothetically.
And it's a memoir.

- Oh, yeah.
- Okay.

Oh, well, if you kept
this work-related secret,

would you be
breaking the law?

Like, would you be smuggling in

millions of off-brand
Korean emery boards

or, like, violating
any Bulgarian laws

governing resource extraction
or anything like that?

No.

There might be a murder,

but, um, I don't have enough
to convict.

Ah, well, then keep
the money.

It's business.

You earned it,
my little executive.

- What were you talking about?
- What?

No, earlier,
what were you talking about?

Man, that's crazy.

Damn, it's getting late.
Gotta dip.

Hey, how's Kelvin?

Oh, it's just a sprain.

And urgent care
gave us a punch card.

One more visit,
we get a free splint.

Mm.

And I want to let you know

that I met someone.

- You met someone?
- Yeah, a doctor.

Her name's Elizabeth,
and she is so smart

and so funny and athletic,
and she's just so cool.

Wow. Okay.
That's... she sounds great.

- Yeah.
- So, um, just to be clear,

you're leaving me?

No, I want
to introduce her to Connor.

Oh, Denise, no, no,
we... we have got

to stop interfering
in Connor's relationships.

Do you remember what happened
with Jessica and Lindsey?

Exactly.

We kind of messed things up
for him, so karmically,

it's on us
to help him find someone.

You should've seen him
at brunch, Lulu.

He is so lonely.

Well, I mean,
it could be handy

to have a doctor
in the family next time.

- Kelvin goes full Kelvin.
- Mm-hmm.

Plus, I have this thing
happening with my jaw.

It's like a... like
a clicking sound.

- Do you hear that?
- I don't.

It's like Pop Rocks
in there.

The book will probably
be a hit.

I'd buy it.

A lot more money for us.

Money never hurt anyone.

So we're gonna let the book
be published?

I think we have to.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's the right move.

[sighs]

[watch ticking]

- It's just so loud.
- I know.

Connor's watch guy must have

jacked up the sound
or something.

- Stash it in the rice.
- Bye.

Good.
Now we can sleep.

Actually, you know,
I'm gonna do a little cleaning.

Good idea.
I'm gonna sweep the floors.

I'm gonna get
the kids' high chairs.

God, this house is so dirty.

Okay, I'm off
to my work thing.

Not that I don't know
what your work is,

but what is your work?

Well, like, tonight,

I'm attending this
climate change fundraiser

and I'm being paid
to take selfies

by an energy water.

- Hmm.
- Hmm, cleared that right up.

So what are you guys up to?

Well, Connor's coming over,

and so is a woman
we're setting him up with.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Cool. Fun.
- Yeah! Yeah.

So does he know
about this big setup or...

No, no,
it's gonna be a surprise, like a, um,

"Oh, hey, now that you're
both here," you know?

Oh, good.
I mean, not that I care.

I'm just trying to go to work.

- [door slams]
- Hey.

- Hello.
- Hi.

It's nice to see you again.

As it is to...
see you as well.

What are you,
vice presidents at a bank?

Hey, you guys
should let him in

on your big plans for tonight.

I just think
it'll be so fun.

Okay, fine,
instead of boring old pizza

and another lesbian
historical drama...

Neither are boring.

We invited over a lady
that we think you'll like.

She's great.
She's a doctor.

- You set me up?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.

Oh, that's so nice.
That's so nice.

I kinda wish you had told me
first, though.

Well, just go in
with an open mind.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, you never know.

- She could be the one.
- Uh, maybe.

- Yeah.
- Okay, bye.

Yeah, I'm gonna... you guys
have so much fun.

- We will, yeah.
- Okay.

Okay, bye.

- Oh, hi.
- Damn.

Elizabeth.
Hi, welcome.

You were just going.

Actually, climate change
can wait.

This seems like the place
to be tonight.

- [laughter]
- And, Connor,

Elizabeth used to play lacrosse

just like you did.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Well, women's games are
totally different than men's.

Women's are all about...
both: Finesse.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Men's are more like
run and smash.

[laughter]

Look at these two
with their inside jokes.

Okay.

You know, I actually
almost played in college,

but then I busted my knee

stage diving
at a Blink-182 concert.

No way. Connor, Connor,
did you hear that?

Yeah, yeah, no, I heard it.
I'm right here.

His bedroom
used to be covered

in Blink-182 posters.

Aw. [Laughs]

So cute.

I'm gonna go get
another glass of wine.

So lacrosse, Blink-182,
discuss.

Yeah, I'm gonna go get
some more ice.

Um, while you're here,

I have this clicking
happening in my jaw.

Do you think you could
check that out for me?

- Yeah, absolutely.
- It's like a...

Do you hear that?

You know I had nothing
to do with this.

I know. I mean, my sister's
got a good eye.

She's a hot lacrosse-playing,
Blink-180 whatever.

182.
You don't have to be jealous.

[scoffs]
Who's jealous?

I'm saying it's a great match.
You should go for it.

But what about...

What about what?
You and me?

Like we said,
it's not anything, right?

Right.
Yeah.

Look, if you want
to go after homegirl,

don't let me stop you.

Fine.
Maybe I will.

- Good.
- Great.

- Awesome.
- Sublime.

Do you hear that, though?
You can hear it, right?

- Yeah.
- It's like

a medieval drawbridge.

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

What are you doing?

- Ah! Hey, sweetie.
- Ah.

Remember how I was vacuuming
in the kitchen,

the dining room,

and then under our bed
and under your bed

and then out on the patio
for a little bit?

Now I'm doing up here.

And I am de-linting
the couch.

Oh, and look what I found
in here, a fidget spinner.

Do you still like using
a fidget spinner?

You guys never clean.

- That's not true. We do.
- We love cleaning.

Let me get a little bit
of that. [Laughs]

Hey, do you think
that maybe we feel

just a little bit guilty
about keeping Sofía's secret?

What?
No.

Nah, I think it's just,
when you really open your eyes,

you realise
everything's very dirty.

You know, we live in a dirty,
dirty world, and you and I

are just trying to clean it up,
and, oh, my God,

I think I can still hear
that watch ticking.

- It's insanely loud.
- Right?

And that's the crazy thing
about diphtheria.

It's super infectious.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Kind of like Blink-182.

[laughs]

That's hilarious.
We're both so into Blink.

Yeah, we get it.

You know, we... we should
do this again sometime

but like a... a real date,
you know,

in a... in a sister-free
environment.

And I am a lock
for maid of honour.

Okay.
Be cool.

That'd be fun.

I'd love to do something
by the water.

I feel like I've barely seen
the bay since I moved here.

Oh, they say the best way
to take in the bay

is... is by boat,
and I have a boat.

I pretty much grew up
on a boat.

- What?
- Yeah.

Ah! Oh, my God.
[cell phone chimes]

Look, I just got a match
on Raya.

I'm gonna go.

Oh, no.
Bye.

So should we set it up
for this Saturday?

For what?

Sailing.
You two.

On a boat.
'Cause of me.

It's gonna be so fun.

Okay, you must have heard that,
right?

It's like a woodpecker.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Do it again.

Here's one, the book's a hit,
it'll lead to more jobs.

So another sock
for the keep quiet pile.

And I mean, Sofía lied,

but it's not like she
committed a crime

that we know of.

We'll call this Sofía
not a murderer yet.

[chuckles]

Well, still just one sock

in the expose
Sofía's secret pile.

Seeing it laid out like this,
I feel better.

- I do.
- Yeah, it's the right move.

- Yeah.
- More cleaning?

Oh, no, sweetie.

This is kind of
a complicated grown-up thing.

We had to make a decision,

so we decided to separate
baby sock piles into two.

And for every reason
we decided one way,

we'd put a sock in this pile,

and for the other way,
that pile.

What's that one
by itself for?

Oh, this one's just a...

Well, it's kind of 'cause Daddy
felt guilty

about not being able
to tell 100% of the truth.

- You mean lying.
- Um...

well, I wouldn't say...
I didn't say lying

because it's not
technically lying.

But if you... I guess if you look
at the definition of...

Okay, um, Camila,
can you give us a minute?

And please stop silently
judging us.

- Thank you.
- [sighs]

- Disappointing our daughter.
- Yeah.

[cell phone ringing]

It's my agent.

Remember, we did
the right thing.

Right.

Amanda, what's going on?

An anonymous source
leaked some info

about Sofía Salazar.

She made up
her rags-to-riches story.

- What?
- She lied to us, Tom,

and now it looks like
the book's not coming out.

Oh, my... what are you
talking... that's crazy.

- That's crazy.
- Okay, pull it back, honey.

Okay.

So what are we
gonna sell next?

There's always my novel.

Ooh, a novel.
What's it about?

You've already read
half of it.

Remember, it's about my family.

Three siblings, different
levels of financial success.

Sounds great.

Too bad you wasted your time
on Sofía's book.

You talked me into it.

Who can remember
who did what?

You just get back at it,
Tommy boy.

[sighs]

Well, back to square one.

Yeah, we got nothing

without the victim's
phone records.

Oh, you meant financially.
Yeah, sorry.

It's just, I was looking
forward to some stability.

I guess that's gone.

Listen, we're gonna
be okay, okay?

We're gonna work
through this together.

You're gonna finally finish
that novel,

and in the meantime,
I'm gonna go back to work.

Really? Are you sure?

Yes. You know,
investigating Sofía

made me realise
I really miss practicing law.

And hey, at least now
you can wear that... that watch.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh, it's cold.

But you know what?
Feels good.

Watch bought with lies is
now a watch of... righteousness.

No more telltale ticking.
I can't hear it at all.

Me neither.

Yeah, that's cause it's broken.
Cold broke it.

I think I'm gonna bring this
back to Connor's watch guy.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Sorry, I... I think I left
my clip-on ring light here.

Don't you have, like,
five of those?

- I guess.
- Yeah.

So how was the rest of
your date with Dr. Hot Doctor?

Fine, I guess.

Probably not gonna see
her again.

Why not?

I thought by now,
you'd be out on the bay

blasting Blink-311.

It's 182, and you know it.

How was your big date?

I was tired
and didn't feel like meeting

some club DJ
with frosted tips.

Also, uh, I made it up.

I couldn't compete.

I'm living on my sister's
couch, and she's this...

She's great,
but she's not...

She's not you.

I feel like I can be myself
around you.

You make me laugh.

You're not impressed
by my incredibly sick house.

[laughs]

Not to mention
you're absolutely adorable.

- Oh.
- Well, shoot.

I guess now I have
to kiss you.

Oh.

I'm starting to think
this thing

might actually be a thing.

- Oh, it's definitely a thing.
- Mm-hmm.

But let's just keep it
between us for now.

Plus, it's kind of hot
sneaking around.

Right?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

So what do you say
to your fans

who feel like you've lied
to them

about your entire life?

Well, uh, I would say
I am so sorry.

And then I would say
thank God.

Thank God?

Yes, because now
I am able to... you know,

to... to embrace my truth

and tell them my real story.

And I'm gonna expose it all
in my new book.

And I'm writing it
with Michael Chabon.

- [groans]
- I can't wait to read it.

Chabon.

To think I liked her flan.

It's gonna be amazing.

[laughter]