Hogan's Heroes (1965–1971): Season 4, Episode 5 - To the Gestapo with Love - full transcript
The Gestapo brings three lovely ladies into the camp to interrogate the prisoners.
How much longer, Kinch?
What's taking so long, Kinch?
I'm finished.
Come on, let's go.
Where's Newkirk and Carter?
Should have mined
the other bridge by now.
If anybody can
foul up a mission,
it's Newkirk and Carter.
And when they come here,
I bet you they'll have
some flimsy excuse.
We were getting worried.
We would have been here sooner,
but just as Carter was placing
the explosives under the bridge,
this German patrol came by.
They had a machine gun unit,
field artillery squad with
two 75-millimeters canons
and a Mark IV tank.
I told you they'd
have a flimsy excuse.
But undaunted and completely
surrounded by the enemy,
I steadfastly stuck
to my assignment
and calmly and coolly placed
the explosives under the bridge.
Thank you, Nathan Hale.
Good job.
Colonel, we'd better
blow up our bridge
and get back to camp.
All right.
Kinch, you want
to do the honors?
Thanks, Colonel.
Oh, you really are a clod.
Now, come on!
You know, blowing up
two bridges in one day
seems a bit greedy.
The second one puts
the icing on the cake.
When they reroute
those Panzer divisions
from the first bridge,
it'll look like the
freeway at rush hour.
They'll be
immobilized for weeks.
Light.
Should be able to see
the flash from here, huh?
I put enough explosives
under that bridge
to blow up Rutherford
B. Hayes Polytechnic.
Well, I always wanted to
blow up my old high school.
I never did, of course.
Well, I did blow up
the chemistry lab...
and the cafeteria.
And the balcony in the
auditorium went, too.
All right, stand by, gentlemen,
we are about to hear the blast.
Three, two, one... boom.
Carter?
LeBEAU: I knew if anybody
could foul up the assignment
it would be you two.
One thing you've got to say
about my mate, Carter,
he's a man who
knows his explosives.
When he sets a timer, mate,
you know it's got to go off.
I thought you set the timer.
You thought I set the timer?!
You're the man who blew up
Rutherford B. Hayes
Poly-bloody-technic!
Undaunted and completely
surrounded by the enemy,
you steadfastly
clung to your post
until you coolly and calmly
blew the whole assignment.
All right, hold it, hold it.
A thing like this could
happen to anyone.
Why does it always
happen to him?
You two guys are fast becoming
the Laurel and Hardy
of demolition teams.
Colonel Hogan, I
volunteer to go out
and set that timer.
Well, Laurel, do you volunteer
to go with Hardy?
Nobody's going out.
By now the woods are
full of German patrols.
But, Colonel, London says
those Panzers
have to be stopped.
I know, I know.
We can't just rush into it;
we've got to pick
exactly the right time.
There's an old saying
that says,
"Patience is a virtue."
There's another
old saying that says,
"Feed a cold and
starve a fever."
Well, what's that
got to do with this?!
Nothing...
but if the situation
ever comes up,
it's just nice to know we
have a good, old saying
to fall back on.
Get in your bunk.
Yes, sir, that's
very nice of you.
But I'm just doing a
simple job in a simple camp
simply being the best
commandant in the German army.
And a Heil Hitler to you, sir.
Ah, Major Hochstetter.
That was General Burkhalter
with a commendation for me.
Oh, I'm sure that
his constant praise
would turn the head
of a lesser man.
Did you tell him about
the bombing last night?
There was a bombing last night?
You didn't hear them blow up
the Dorfmann bridge?!
I happen to be a
very sound sleeper.
Tell that to General Burkhalter.
Sir, may I remind you
that some of the
finest military men
were sound sleepers...
Napoleon, for one.
Oh?
He must have had a wonderful nap
at Waterloo.
What about the
air raid last night?
It was not an air raid;
the bridge was sabotaged.
Major Hochstetter,
the underground is
your responsibility.
If your Gestapo men were
as efficient as my men,
you wouldn't have
these problems.
We have reason to believe
that the damage was done
by one of your prisoners.
My prisoners?!
Impossible!
There has never been
an escape from Stalag 13.
Nevertheless, we know absolutely
there are no American
soldiers in this area
and yet this was found
100 yards from the
Dorfmann bridge.
You know what that is, Colonel?
Mm-hmm, it's a button.
I know it's a button!
What does it say on the button?
"Us."
Not "us," U-S...
Oh...
Yes, U-S.
Unterseeboot.
No.
Untersee...
"United States," Dummkopf!
Oh, right, sir.
Klink, this button
if off the uniform
of an American soldier.
And I say he is in this camp.
Impossible.
Every man was confined
to quarters last night
with the exception
of Barracks Two.
Barracks Two would not be
Colonel Hogan's barracks,
by any chance, huh?
How did you know that?
Always with this Hogan
there is some funny business.
I assure you
there was no funny
business last night.
Barracks Two was under
the direct observation
of one of my
oldest, most trusted,
most dependable guards.
Good, I'm glad
it wasn't Schultz.
But it was.
Schultz?!
You called me, sir?
Why would anybody call you?!
Schultz, were you
keeping a close watch
on Barracks Two, as I
ordered you last night?
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
No prisoner in this
barracks was out of my sight.
I didn't take my eyes off
them, not for a moment.
I watched them like a hawk.
Read this.
How can he watch the
prisoners like a hawk
when he's as blind as a bat?
Oh, it's a button...
and it says "us."
I should have known better
than to come here
in the first place.
Now, I assure you,
Major Hochstetter,
no prisoner in this camp
took part in last
night's sabotage.
But as a courtesy
to the Gestapo,
I will personally make a search
for an American prisoner
with a button missing.
Klink, you have
something missing.
Most of your prisoners
are in rags and old uniforms...
Naturally they'd
have buttons off.
Then I will question
them one by one.
Bah!
The Gestapo will
find out for themselves
with our new interrogation team.
New team?
Yes, commandant,
and I can tell you
they've been very successful.
Every man they've questioned
has cracked within an hour.
I don't like to tell you this,
but all of you are
going to be questioned
by the Gestapo.
So what else is new?
They've questioned us before.
Yeah, you'd think those chaps
would give up by now.
There is a new
interrogation team coming
which makes any prisoner crack
within an hour.
I'm sorry I had to
be the one to tell you.
That's all right, Schultz...
Better you than from
the lips of a stranger.
That's a jolly bit of news.
What can they do to us?
Bamboo under the fingernails?
Chinese water torture?
The rack?
Would you mind
keeping your voice down?
Maybe they haven't
thought of those yet.
Maybe Schultz is
just trying to scare us.
I don't think so.
They want information
about the blowing
up of that bridge.
They won't get any
information from me.
They won't get anything
out of me, either.
I don't blame you;
it's a little
embarrassing to confess
you forgot to set the timer.
LeBeau, I warned you...
Look, fellows, if the
Gestapo's sending a new team,
they're probably going to
have some new methods.
I don't want to sound like
Knute Rockne at half time...
"Let's win one for the
Gipper" and all that jazz...
But we can't give
them any information.
Too many lives are at stake.
I know it's asking a lot of you,
but this is probably
the biggest thing
we've ever faced.
So, no matter what
this new interrogation
team may do,
don't give them any information.
All they'd get out of me, sir,
is the exact
strength of the RAF.
I'll tell them exactly how
to blow up the Eiffel Tower.
I'll give them the
complete diagram
of the Norden bomb site.
Have you guys gone crazy?!
Buddies... it's going to
be tougher than I thought.
They're beautiful!
Absolutely lovely.
What do you think, Colonel?
It's obvious, a violation of
the Geneva Convention...
This has got to come under
"cruel and inhuman punishment."
Come in.
Begging your pardon, sir.
Newkirk, I want to talk to you
about these plans.
Right, sir.
I think I've got a new route
we can take to
get to that bridge.
Very good, sir, good.
It may be a little bit longer,
but we don't have to
cut through the woods.
Sounds marvelous,
sir, marvelous.
And since we have
a moonless night
coming up tomorrow,
it would be perfect...
Newkirk?
Yes, sir, yes?
Go on; I'm listening, sir.
As soon as you finish
with my after-shave lotion,
I'll be glad to give
you a manicure.
Oh, I was just sprucing
myself up a bit, sir.
You don't seem to understand.
These girls are
going to do their best
to try to get
information out of you.
You don't have to
worry about me, sir.
My lips are sealed.
Oh, yeah.
What if one of
the girls walks up,
puts her arms around you
and plants a big kiss
on those sealed lips?
She'd be falling
right into my trap, sir.
The Gestapo's plan is
beginning to work already.
I hope the rest of
these guys aren't acting
like it's Saturday
night at the USO.
Come on, how long
you going to stand
in front of that mirror, LeBeau?
Give somebody else a chance.
My hair still isn't brushed.
Are you kidding?
You've done everything
but put it up on curlers.
Come on.
May I cut in?
Oh, Colonel.
I hope your card isn't filled.
I'd like you to
save a waltz for me.
I was just practicing.
You know, I thought my dancing
might be getting a little rusty.
It's nice to know the feet
still have that old rhythm.
Mm-hmm.
Fellows?
Yes, Colonel?
Fellows, these girls are working
for the Gestapo.
This is psychological warfare.
I'm ready, Schultz!
It's me he's after, LeBeau!
It's alphabetical
and "Carter" is before
"Newkirk," "Kinchloe"
and "LeBeau."
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Who is wearing that Bay Rum?
I would like to
have some of that.
I have some right
here, Schultzy.
Wait a minute, no, try mine,
it's called "Sinsation."
Hey, you can put it on
on the way, come on.
Mine's a lot more sexy.
Hold it, hold it a
minute, fellows.
Who's he want to see first?
They are starting with LeBeau.
Hey-hey!
We'll see you all later.
Don't wait up for me.
LeBeau?
Yes, sir?
Just a last word of advice:
All you're required to give
the girl that questions you
is your name, rank
and serial number.
Right. My name,
rank, serial number.
Phone number.
Office number.
My concierge number...
She takes my messages.
Mother's number, in
case the concierge is out.
Schultz, get him out of here.
Come on.
I know now why the Gestapo's
new method of interrogation
is so effective.
I certainly could
never keep a secret
from three such beautiful women.
For instance, if one of
you ladies were to ask me
for my home phone number,
it would be impossible for
me to keep from telling you
that it is "Bismarck 9-2-7-1,"
and if there is no answer,
it's "Rhinelander 4-8-2-7."
It's amazing how you
never write down those facts.
Of course, you
ladies were chosen
for your fantastic memories.
Busy.
LeBEAU: It's me, Herr
Kommandant... LeBeau.
Come back later.
I think we should let
the prisoner come in,
Colonel Klink.
Oh, yes, of course, of course.
Those flowers are
from my garden.
My compliments.
Klink, what are you
doing with those flowers?
Well, I thought it would...
Get out of here
and let them get on
with the interrogation.
Ladies.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Inge Wagner.
This is Heidi Baum.
And this is Anna Mannheim.
LeBeau.
Louis.
Corporal.
19-17-65-46.
I see that you are aware
of the Geneva Convention,
Corporal LeBeau.
However, there is
nothing in the rules
that says you cannot join us
for a glass of champagne.
No.
Won't you sit down,
please, Corporal LeBeau?
Over here, please.
Oh.
A toast.
To Corporal LeBeau.
Call me Louie.
More champagne, Louie?
No, no, merci beaucoup, no.
Is there something
wrong with the wine?
I thought the best
champagne came from Reims.
Oh, it does.
And also from Eperany.
I never heard of Eperany.
The most beautiful
part in France.
My father's family
comes from there.
Ah...
Is he also in the wine business?
No.
He worked in the railroad yards.
That must be fascinating.
I remember as a boy
I used to play in a secret
tunnel under the tracks
where they used to
store the old equipment.
My father never
knew I discovered it.
Oh, that's a darling
story, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
How is the paté?
Mmm, fantastic.
We had it sent direct
from Strasbourg.
The only place for paté.
Have you ever been there?
I used to go to visit my
friend, Claude Lenoir.
Claude Lenoir.
Isn't he the famous
French violinist?
Claude has no
musical talent at all.
His only talent was
for making radios.
Ah.
My brother used
to make radios, too.
He used to talk to people
as far away as England.
Oh, Claude spoke to
people in England all the time.
He even spoke to
a man in Australia.
I find you very
fascinating, Louie.
I find you
interesting, too, Inge.
I've been with you for an hour
and you haven't asked
me a question yet.
Oh, that is because I know
I could never get any
information out of you.
All I gave her was my
name, rank and serial number.
Well...
just hear what she has
to report to Hochstetter.
Don't think that
she didn't try...
With champagne,
paté de fois gras,
little squeezes on my hand.
But I was like a clam.
Well, Fraulein,
did you get any
information from LeBeau?
Yes, Major.
She's faking it.
We now know where
there is a secret tunnel
that has replacement
parts for the trains
at the railroad
yards of Éperany.
Good.
Anything else?
We have located
an underground
short-wave radio station
in Strasbourg
operated by a man
named Claude Lenoir.
Amazing, how did you manage...
Anything else?
No.
But after my next interrogation,
I am sure that I will
have more information.
Well, for a clam, you've
certainly got a big mouth.
I don't know how she
got that information.
I told you to be careful.
They can trick you into
giving all sorts of information.
Message from the
underground, Colonel.
What is it?
They say we got to
blow up that bridge
by tonight.
All right.
Contact them and tell them
the mission will
be accomplished.
Right.
Oh, and Kinch?
Ask the underground to get us
all the information they can
on Inge Wagner, Heidi
Baum and Anna Mannheim.
I can tell you all
about them, Colonel.
You may have missed
something, LeBeau.
Mannheim...
Oh, Kinch, also tell them
to blow up that secret tunnel
in the railroad yard at Éperany.
And tell Claude Lenoir
to get out of Strasbourg
as quick as possible.
Will do.
Colonel?
When are we going
to go out to that bridge?
Only I'm going out.
You can't go out alone, Colonel.
I won't be alone.
Taking a date.
Is this where you
wanted to park?
Yeah, they say
there's a pretty view
from this bridge.
You know, I'm really
surprised at Hochstetter
letting us take this drive.
You made an
excellent suggestion.
We try to keep
these interrogations
as informal as possible.
I'll go along with that.
I think I like this view better
than the one from the
Dorfmann Bridge, don't you?
Hogan, Robert E.
Colonel, U.S. Air Corps.
0-8-7-6-7-0-7.
Touché, Colonel.
I really did not expect you
to answer any questions.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
If you'd like my phone number,
I'll be glad to give you that.
I would like that very much.
If you're planning a trip to
Cleveland, Ohio, after the war,
you can look me up.
If you are there,
I will look you up.
Mission accomplished.
I can see that from here, sir.
You should wipe the lipstick
off your face, Colonel.
Kinch, just the
man I want to see.
Did you get all the
dope on the girls?
It's all here, Colonel...
Everything including
their baby formulas.
Why did you want
that information?
LeBeau, two can play this
psychological warfare game.
All I really know about you
is that you're from Cleveland.
It wouldn't be violating
any military secrets
if you told me a little more
about yourself, would it?
I guess not.
What do you want to know?
Oh, what your first
impressions were
when you arrived in London.
Did you like the people?
Oh, I think people are
the same the world over.
London's a wonderful town.
Something like
Berlin, your hometown.
Oh, I don't think
it's at all like...
How did you know
I was from Berlin?
Heidi told me.
What else did she
tell you about me?
Oh, the usual things
you say about friends...
That you went through
two bad marriages,
your brother was a Communist,
your father was thrown
out of the Nazi Party
for embezzling.
Heidi!
Heidi!
Did you call, Inge?
How dare you tell this man
about my father and brother?!
I didn't tell him anything.
Well, then, how did he know
about my two bad marriages?
Just a minute, don't
go jumping on Heidi.
After all, you told me
about her mother's
schnapps problem.
What? You told him that?
Now, just a minute, Heidi.
Oh, you're nothing
but a vicious gossip!
Hold it! Hold it! Come on!
What is all the yelling about?
Well, the girls have been
telling tales out of school.
She was the one, she.
Oh, you were the one!
You told this person
everything you knew about me.
And what about you, you...
Stop the fighting!
Stop the fighting!
What is the meaning of this?
Inge and Heidi have
accused each other
of giving intimate
details about their lives
to Colonel Hogan.
She was the one, she did it!
How dare...
All right, hold it.
Hold it, girls!
It's not really as
bad as all that, Major.
They didn't tell me
anything more intimate
than the fact that
Anna here has a mole.
Which one of you told him that?
Actually, I heard it from
Captain Braunschweiger.
Braunschweiger...
Now, Major...
That's why you
missed our appointment
the other night.
You said you were working.
Really, Major...
Don't be too hard on her, Major.
Heidi's dating
Braunschweiger, too.
Hold it, girls! Please, hold it!
Take your things
and get out of here,
all of you!
Schnell, schnell!
Oh, for heaven's sake...
Major Hochstetter,
isn't Braunschweiger
that homely little fellow
with the funny-looking
Hitler mustache?
I mean the very
attractive young man
who looks like Emil Jannings?
This is the end of the
new interrogation team.
From now, on we go back
to the old Gestapo methods.
I don't blame you, Major.
Those girls were
all blabbermouths.
I don't think you'll be so
enthusiastic, Colonel Hogan,
when they get through with you
at Gestapo Headquarters.
Oh, I don't think I can give
them any information, Major.
Colonel Hogan is my
prisoner, Major Hochstetter.
I can assure you
he has nothing to do
with that bridge blowing up.
Klink... I will be
the judge of that.
And I suppose if
another bridge blows up,
I'll be blamed for that, too.
It would be impossible for
another bridge to blow up.
You have been under
surveillance for 24 hours.
Another bridge blowing up.
You were, uh... saying, Major?
I hope all of you learned
a lesson in interrogation.
I should have known
better, Colonel.
It's not your fault, LeBeau.
Inge's a beautiful girl.
What a shame they
threw the ladies out
before it was my
turn to be interrogated.
You?
You'd have given them
the complete plans
to Westminster Abbey.
Yeah, and a diagram
of Buckingham Palace
for good measure.
I guess we don't need
this information on
the girls any longer.
You can rest easy, men.
From now on, all we have
is the old men in the Gestapo
to worry about.
Uh, fellows?
If you're looking for the
girls' home phone numbers,
they're on this
paper right here.
What's taking so long, Kinch?
I'm finished.
Come on, let's go.
Where's Newkirk and Carter?
Should have mined
the other bridge by now.
If anybody can
foul up a mission,
it's Newkirk and Carter.
And when they come here,
I bet you they'll have
some flimsy excuse.
We were getting worried.
We would have been here sooner,
but just as Carter was placing
the explosives under the bridge,
this German patrol came by.
They had a machine gun unit,
field artillery squad with
two 75-millimeters canons
and a Mark IV tank.
I told you they'd
have a flimsy excuse.
But undaunted and completely
surrounded by the enemy,
I steadfastly stuck
to my assignment
and calmly and coolly placed
the explosives under the bridge.
Thank you, Nathan Hale.
Good job.
Colonel, we'd better
blow up our bridge
and get back to camp.
All right.
Kinch, you want
to do the honors?
Thanks, Colonel.
Oh, you really are a clod.
Now, come on!
You know, blowing up
two bridges in one day
seems a bit greedy.
The second one puts
the icing on the cake.
When they reroute
those Panzer divisions
from the first bridge,
it'll look like the
freeway at rush hour.
They'll be
immobilized for weeks.
Light.
Should be able to see
the flash from here, huh?
I put enough explosives
under that bridge
to blow up Rutherford
B. Hayes Polytechnic.
Well, I always wanted to
blow up my old high school.
I never did, of course.
Well, I did blow up
the chemistry lab...
and the cafeteria.
And the balcony in the
auditorium went, too.
All right, stand by, gentlemen,
we are about to hear the blast.
Three, two, one... boom.
Carter?
LeBEAU: I knew if anybody
could foul up the assignment
it would be you two.
One thing you've got to say
about my mate, Carter,
he's a man who
knows his explosives.
When he sets a timer, mate,
you know it's got to go off.
I thought you set the timer.
You thought I set the timer?!
You're the man who blew up
Rutherford B. Hayes
Poly-bloody-technic!
Undaunted and completely
surrounded by the enemy,
you steadfastly
clung to your post
until you coolly and calmly
blew the whole assignment.
All right, hold it, hold it.
A thing like this could
happen to anyone.
Why does it always
happen to him?
You two guys are fast becoming
the Laurel and Hardy
of demolition teams.
Colonel Hogan, I
volunteer to go out
and set that timer.
Well, Laurel, do you volunteer
to go with Hardy?
Nobody's going out.
By now the woods are
full of German patrols.
But, Colonel, London says
those Panzers
have to be stopped.
I know, I know.
We can't just rush into it;
we've got to pick
exactly the right time.
There's an old saying
that says,
"Patience is a virtue."
There's another
old saying that says,
"Feed a cold and
starve a fever."
Well, what's that
got to do with this?!
Nothing...
but if the situation
ever comes up,
it's just nice to know we
have a good, old saying
to fall back on.
Get in your bunk.
Yes, sir, that's
very nice of you.
But I'm just doing a
simple job in a simple camp
simply being the best
commandant in the German army.
And a Heil Hitler to you, sir.
Ah, Major Hochstetter.
That was General Burkhalter
with a commendation for me.
Oh, I'm sure that
his constant praise
would turn the head
of a lesser man.
Did you tell him about
the bombing last night?
There was a bombing last night?
You didn't hear them blow up
the Dorfmann bridge?!
I happen to be a
very sound sleeper.
Tell that to General Burkhalter.
Sir, may I remind you
that some of the
finest military men
were sound sleepers...
Napoleon, for one.
Oh?
He must have had a wonderful nap
at Waterloo.
What about the
air raid last night?
It was not an air raid;
the bridge was sabotaged.
Major Hochstetter,
the underground is
your responsibility.
If your Gestapo men were
as efficient as my men,
you wouldn't have
these problems.
We have reason to believe
that the damage was done
by one of your prisoners.
My prisoners?!
Impossible!
There has never been
an escape from Stalag 13.
Nevertheless, we know absolutely
there are no American
soldiers in this area
and yet this was found
100 yards from the
Dorfmann bridge.
You know what that is, Colonel?
Mm-hmm, it's a button.
I know it's a button!
What does it say on the button?
"Us."
Not "us," U-S...
Oh...
Yes, U-S.
Unterseeboot.
No.
Untersee...
"United States," Dummkopf!
Oh, right, sir.
Klink, this button
if off the uniform
of an American soldier.
And I say he is in this camp.
Impossible.
Every man was confined
to quarters last night
with the exception
of Barracks Two.
Barracks Two would not be
Colonel Hogan's barracks,
by any chance, huh?
How did you know that?
Always with this Hogan
there is some funny business.
I assure you
there was no funny
business last night.
Barracks Two was under
the direct observation
of one of my
oldest, most trusted,
most dependable guards.
Good, I'm glad
it wasn't Schultz.
But it was.
Schultz?!
You called me, sir?
Why would anybody call you?!
Schultz, were you
keeping a close watch
on Barracks Two, as I
ordered you last night?
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
No prisoner in this
barracks was out of my sight.
I didn't take my eyes off
them, not for a moment.
I watched them like a hawk.
Read this.
How can he watch the
prisoners like a hawk
when he's as blind as a bat?
Oh, it's a button...
and it says "us."
I should have known better
than to come here
in the first place.
Now, I assure you,
Major Hochstetter,
no prisoner in this camp
took part in last
night's sabotage.
But as a courtesy
to the Gestapo,
I will personally make a search
for an American prisoner
with a button missing.
Klink, you have
something missing.
Most of your prisoners
are in rags and old uniforms...
Naturally they'd
have buttons off.
Then I will question
them one by one.
Bah!
The Gestapo will
find out for themselves
with our new interrogation team.
New team?
Yes, commandant,
and I can tell you
they've been very successful.
Every man they've questioned
has cracked within an hour.
I don't like to tell you this,
but all of you are
going to be questioned
by the Gestapo.
So what else is new?
They've questioned us before.
Yeah, you'd think those chaps
would give up by now.
There is a new
interrogation team coming
which makes any prisoner crack
within an hour.
I'm sorry I had to
be the one to tell you.
That's all right, Schultz...
Better you than from
the lips of a stranger.
That's a jolly bit of news.
What can they do to us?
Bamboo under the fingernails?
Chinese water torture?
The rack?
Would you mind
keeping your voice down?
Maybe they haven't
thought of those yet.
Maybe Schultz is
just trying to scare us.
I don't think so.
They want information
about the blowing
up of that bridge.
They won't get any
information from me.
They won't get anything
out of me, either.
I don't blame you;
it's a little
embarrassing to confess
you forgot to set the timer.
LeBeau, I warned you...
Look, fellows, if the
Gestapo's sending a new team,
they're probably going to
have some new methods.
I don't want to sound like
Knute Rockne at half time...
"Let's win one for the
Gipper" and all that jazz...
But we can't give
them any information.
Too many lives are at stake.
I know it's asking a lot of you,
but this is probably
the biggest thing
we've ever faced.
So, no matter what
this new interrogation
team may do,
don't give them any information.
All they'd get out of me, sir,
is the exact
strength of the RAF.
I'll tell them exactly how
to blow up the Eiffel Tower.
I'll give them the
complete diagram
of the Norden bomb site.
Have you guys gone crazy?!
Buddies... it's going to
be tougher than I thought.
They're beautiful!
Absolutely lovely.
What do you think, Colonel?
It's obvious, a violation of
the Geneva Convention...
This has got to come under
"cruel and inhuman punishment."
Come in.
Begging your pardon, sir.
Newkirk, I want to talk to you
about these plans.
Right, sir.
I think I've got a new route
we can take to
get to that bridge.
Very good, sir, good.
It may be a little bit longer,
but we don't have to
cut through the woods.
Sounds marvelous,
sir, marvelous.
And since we have
a moonless night
coming up tomorrow,
it would be perfect...
Newkirk?
Yes, sir, yes?
Go on; I'm listening, sir.
As soon as you finish
with my after-shave lotion,
I'll be glad to give
you a manicure.
Oh, I was just sprucing
myself up a bit, sir.
You don't seem to understand.
These girls are
going to do their best
to try to get
information out of you.
You don't have to
worry about me, sir.
My lips are sealed.
Oh, yeah.
What if one of
the girls walks up,
puts her arms around you
and plants a big kiss
on those sealed lips?
She'd be falling
right into my trap, sir.
The Gestapo's plan is
beginning to work already.
I hope the rest of
these guys aren't acting
like it's Saturday
night at the USO.
Come on, how long
you going to stand
in front of that mirror, LeBeau?
Give somebody else a chance.
My hair still isn't brushed.
Are you kidding?
You've done everything
but put it up on curlers.
Come on.
May I cut in?
Oh, Colonel.
I hope your card isn't filled.
I'd like you to
save a waltz for me.
I was just practicing.
You know, I thought my dancing
might be getting a little rusty.
It's nice to know the feet
still have that old rhythm.
Mm-hmm.
Fellows?
Yes, Colonel?
Fellows, these girls are working
for the Gestapo.
This is psychological warfare.
I'm ready, Schultz!
It's me he's after, LeBeau!
It's alphabetical
and "Carter" is before
"Newkirk," "Kinchloe"
and "LeBeau."
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Who is wearing that Bay Rum?
I would like to
have some of that.
I have some right
here, Schultzy.
Wait a minute, no, try mine,
it's called "Sinsation."
Hey, you can put it on
on the way, come on.
Mine's a lot more sexy.
Hold it, hold it a
minute, fellows.
Who's he want to see first?
They are starting with LeBeau.
Hey-hey!
We'll see you all later.
Don't wait up for me.
LeBeau?
Yes, sir?
Just a last word of advice:
All you're required to give
the girl that questions you
is your name, rank
and serial number.
Right. My name,
rank, serial number.
Phone number.
Office number.
My concierge number...
She takes my messages.
Mother's number, in
case the concierge is out.
Schultz, get him out of here.
Come on.
I know now why the Gestapo's
new method of interrogation
is so effective.
I certainly could
never keep a secret
from three such beautiful women.
For instance, if one of
you ladies were to ask me
for my home phone number,
it would be impossible for
me to keep from telling you
that it is "Bismarck 9-2-7-1,"
and if there is no answer,
it's "Rhinelander 4-8-2-7."
It's amazing how you
never write down those facts.
Of course, you
ladies were chosen
for your fantastic memories.
Busy.
LeBEAU: It's me, Herr
Kommandant... LeBeau.
Come back later.
I think we should let
the prisoner come in,
Colonel Klink.
Oh, yes, of course, of course.
Those flowers are
from my garden.
My compliments.
Klink, what are you
doing with those flowers?
Well, I thought it would...
Get out of here
and let them get on
with the interrogation.
Ladies.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Inge Wagner.
This is Heidi Baum.
And this is Anna Mannheim.
LeBeau.
Louis.
Corporal.
19-17-65-46.
I see that you are aware
of the Geneva Convention,
Corporal LeBeau.
However, there is
nothing in the rules
that says you cannot join us
for a glass of champagne.
No.
Won't you sit down,
please, Corporal LeBeau?
Over here, please.
Oh.
A toast.
To Corporal LeBeau.
Call me Louie.
More champagne, Louie?
No, no, merci beaucoup, no.
Is there something
wrong with the wine?
I thought the best
champagne came from Reims.
Oh, it does.
And also from Eperany.
I never heard of Eperany.
The most beautiful
part in France.
My father's family
comes from there.
Ah...
Is he also in the wine business?
No.
He worked in the railroad yards.
That must be fascinating.
I remember as a boy
I used to play in a secret
tunnel under the tracks
where they used to
store the old equipment.
My father never
knew I discovered it.
Oh, that's a darling
story, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
How is the paté?
Mmm, fantastic.
We had it sent direct
from Strasbourg.
The only place for paté.
Have you ever been there?
I used to go to visit my
friend, Claude Lenoir.
Claude Lenoir.
Isn't he the famous
French violinist?
Claude has no
musical talent at all.
His only talent was
for making radios.
Ah.
My brother used
to make radios, too.
He used to talk to people
as far away as England.
Oh, Claude spoke to
people in England all the time.
He even spoke to
a man in Australia.
I find you very
fascinating, Louie.
I find you
interesting, too, Inge.
I've been with you for an hour
and you haven't asked
me a question yet.
Oh, that is because I know
I could never get any
information out of you.
All I gave her was my
name, rank and serial number.
Well...
just hear what she has
to report to Hochstetter.
Don't think that
she didn't try...
With champagne,
paté de fois gras,
little squeezes on my hand.
But I was like a clam.
Well, Fraulein,
did you get any
information from LeBeau?
Yes, Major.
She's faking it.
We now know where
there is a secret tunnel
that has replacement
parts for the trains
at the railroad
yards of Éperany.
Good.
Anything else?
We have located
an underground
short-wave radio station
in Strasbourg
operated by a man
named Claude Lenoir.
Amazing, how did you manage...
Anything else?
No.
But after my next interrogation,
I am sure that I will
have more information.
Well, for a clam, you've
certainly got a big mouth.
I don't know how she
got that information.
I told you to be careful.
They can trick you into
giving all sorts of information.
Message from the
underground, Colonel.
What is it?
They say we got to
blow up that bridge
by tonight.
All right.
Contact them and tell them
the mission will
be accomplished.
Right.
Oh, and Kinch?
Ask the underground to get us
all the information they can
on Inge Wagner, Heidi
Baum and Anna Mannheim.
I can tell you all
about them, Colonel.
You may have missed
something, LeBeau.
Mannheim...
Oh, Kinch, also tell them
to blow up that secret tunnel
in the railroad yard at Éperany.
And tell Claude Lenoir
to get out of Strasbourg
as quick as possible.
Will do.
Colonel?
When are we going
to go out to that bridge?
Only I'm going out.
You can't go out alone, Colonel.
I won't be alone.
Taking a date.
Is this where you
wanted to park?
Yeah, they say
there's a pretty view
from this bridge.
You know, I'm really
surprised at Hochstetter
letting us take this drive.
You made an
excellent suggestion.
We try to keep
these interrogations
as informal as possible.
I'll go along with that.
I think I like this view better
than the one from the
Dorfmann Bridge, don't you?
Hogan, Robert E.
Colonel, U.S. Air Corps.
0-8-7-6-7-0-7.
Touché, Colonel.
I really did not expect you
to answer any questions.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
If you'd like my phone number,
I'll be glad to give you that.
I would like that very much.
If you're planning a trip to
Cleveland, Ohio, after the war,
you can look me up.
If you are there,
I will look you up.
Mission accomplished.
I can see that from here, sir.
You should wipe the lipstick
off your face, Colonel.
Kinch, just the
man I want to see.
Did you get all the
dope on the girls?
It's all here, Colonel...
Everything including
their baby formulas.
Why did you want
that information?
LeBeau, two can play this
psychological warfare game.
All I really know about you
is that you're from Cleveland.
It wouldn't be violating
any military secrets
if you told me a little more
about yourself, would it?
I guess not.
What do you want to know?
Oh, what your first
impressions were
when you arrived in London.
Did you like the people?
Oh, I think people are
the same the world over.
London's a wonderful town.
Something like
Berlin, your hometown.
Oh, I don't think
it's at all like...
How did you know
I was from Berlin?
Heidi told me.
What else did she
tell you about me?
Oh, the usual things
you say about friends...
That you went through
two bad marriages,
your brother was a Communist,
your father was thrown
out of the Nazi Party
for embezzling.
Heidi!
Heidi!
Did you call, Inge?
How dare you tell this man
about my father and brother?!
I didn't tell him anything.
Well, then, how did he know
about my two bad marriages?
Just a minute, don't
go jumping on Heidi.
After all, you told me
about her mother's
schnapps problem.
What? You told him that?
Now, just a minute, Heidi.
Oh, you're nothing
but a vicious gossip!
Hold it! Hold it! Come on!
What is all the yelling about?
Well, the girls have been
telling tales out of school.
She was the one, she.
Oh, you were the one!
You told this person
everything you knew about me.
And what about you, you...
Stop the fighting!
Stop the fighting!
What is the meaning of this?
Inge and Heidi have
accused each other
of giving intimate
details about their lives
to Colonel Hogan.
She was the one, she did it!
How dare...
All right, hold it.
Hold it, girls!
It's not really as
bad as all that, Major.
They didn't tell me
anything more intimate
than the fact that
Anna here has a mole.
Which one of you told him that?
Actually, I heard it from
Captain Braunschweiger.
Braunschweiger...
Now, Major...
That's why you
missed our appointment
the other night.
You said you were working.
Really, Major...
Don't be too hard on her, Major.
Heidi's dating
Braunschweiger, too.
Hold it, girls! Please, hold it!
Take your things
and get out of here,
all of you!
Schnell, schnell!
Oh, for heaven's sake...
Major Hochstetter,
isn't Braunschweiger
that homely little fellow
with the funny-looking
Hitler mustache?
I mean the very
attractive young man
who looks like Emil Jannings?
This is the end of the
new interrogation team.
From now, on we go back
to the old Gestapo methods.
I don't blame you, Major.
Those girls were
all blabbermouths.
I don't think you'll be so
enthusiastic, Colonel Hogan,
when they get through with you
at Gestapo Headquarters.
Oh, I don't think I can give
them any information, Major.
Colonel Hogan is my
prisoner, Major Hochstetter.
I can assure you
he has nothing to do
with that bridge blowing up.
Klink... I will be
the judge of that.
And I suppose if
another bridge blows up,
I'll be blamed for that, too.
It would be impossible for
another bridge to blow up.
You have been under
surveillance for 24 hours.
Another bridge blowing up.
You were, uh... saying, Major?
I hope all of you learned
a lesson in interrogation.
I should have known
better, Colonel.
It's not your fault, LeBeau.
Inge's a beautiful girl.
What a shame they
threw the ladies out
before it was my
turn to be interrogated.
You?
You'd have given them
the complete plans
to Westminster Abbey.
Yeah, and a diagram
of Buckingham Palace
for good measure.
I guess we don't need
this information on
the girls any longer.
You can rest easy, men.
From now on, all we have
is the old men in the Gestapo
to worry about.
Uh, fellows?
If you're looking for the
girls' home phone numbers,
they're on this
paper right here.