Hogan's Heroes (1965–1971): Season 4, Episode 12 - Will the Blue Baron Strike Again? - full transcript
Hogan tricks Klink into throwing a party for a German World War I ace so that Hogan can find the location of his headquarters.
Guten Morgen.
What an adorable
little baby, Fraulein.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
We just had a
little boy like this.
She's a girl.
I always have that trouble.
For two weeks, I was calling
my little daughter Adolph.
She's a very cute baby.
That is the weekly
underground report.
Good work.
We also heard
General von Richter
has been seen in this area.
The Blue Baron?
Yes.
There's a rumor
that they have moved
the 16th fighter
squadron to this section.
Ah, we'll check in...
Please, do not
disturb the child.
She must have her nap.
Yes. What is the
little darling's name?
Christina. Oh.
An SS man.
Just act natural.
Must be lonely sitting with
a baby every night, Fraulein.
Not really.
Why don't you come up to
my place and sit with me?
They're, uh, not making
nannies like they used to.
Roger, London.
We'll get back to you
as soon as we can.
Over and out.
Hi, Colonel.
Hi, hi.
You'll never guess
in a million years
who's in town.
Here, let me just
take a wild shot at it.
Um, the Blue Baron?
How'd you know that?
I have extrasensory,
supernatural
powers of clairvoyance.
He also listens to
the radio from London.
Is that the same Blue Baron
who's a German war ace?
Yeah, shot down more planes
in World War I
than Buddy Rogers.
I read he had a lot of class.
Yeah, when he shot
down an enemy plane,
he'd fly over the
Allied air field and drop
the pilot's scarf,
goggles and rabbit's foot.
Colonel?
Yeah, Kinch?
The headquarters thinks
that General von Richter
may have established a
secret air base in this area.
They want us to locate it so
our bombers can knock it out.
Roll call! Roll call!
Klink is coming!
And not a moment too soon.
This assignment calls
for our secret weapon.
What secret weapon?
Klink's big mouth.
All right, bet you ten marks
Langenscheidt does know.
Sir, I'll bet you ten
marks he doesn't know.
You're on. Know what?
Who General von Richter is.
General von Richter,
the Blue Baron?
The greatest flier in the world.
Yeah, well, I say he's in
command of the 17th squadron
and Newkirk says the 15th.
Oh, you're both wrong.
It's the 16th.
And they've just
been transferred
here to Hammelburg, right?
Oh, no, I assure
you, Colonel Hogan,
that the general could not
be stationed in this area.
What makes you so sure?
He is a close personal
friend of Colonel Klink's.
They were classmates
at flying school.
There's a great combination...
The Blue Baron and
the Yellow Peasant.
Langenscheidt!
Ja, mein Kommandant?
Why are you standing around
talking to the prisoners?
You wouldn't want him
to talk to the other guards.
They'd bore him to death.
Report!
All present and accounted
for, Herr Kommandant.
Dismissed.
Colonel Klink.
Yes, Hogan?
Langenscheidt tells
us you took pilot training
with General von Richter.
Ooh, I was his hero.
He idolized me.
We were roommates.
Really?
What would you
say was the one thing
that made the Blue Baron
the greatest fighter
pilot in World War I?
Me. You?
Taught him everything
he knew about flying.
That's why I was known to
my classmates as The Eagle.
Because you could fly,
or because you were bald?
I don't have to defend
my ability as a pilot
to you, Colonel.
You know, Colonel, it's
hard to believe that the Baron
could get credit for shooting
down 75 enemy planes.
How'd he do it?
First, you have
to be a great flier.
Second, you have
to be a great shot.
And third, it helps to
have a brother in Berlin
who's a great publicity agent.
You and the Baron went
through a lot together.
You still keep in touch?
He was never much for writing.
When was the last time
you heard from him?
Just before the
Battle of Verdun.
Did Klink give you
any information
about the Blue Baron?
Yeah, they took
pilot training together.
Do they still keep in touch?
Not really.
The last time the
Blue Baron wrote Klink
was with a quill pen.
That's too bad.
If von Richter was
still friendly with Klink,
we might be able to find out
exactly where he's stationed.
The way Klink
talked, I don't think
they're going to be
having a class reunion.
But the Blue Baron might
come to Klink's party.
What party?
The party I'm going
to talk Klink into having
for the Blue Baron.
And in addition the
siren and the barbed wire,
I again request from
the quartermaster
another spare monocle.
I do not feel that those of us
who only have one weak eye
should be discriminated against.
I patiently await your shipment,
Heil Hitler, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera.
Hi, Hilda. Mr. Big in?
Yes, Mr. Big is in.
If you're busy, I can come back.
No, no, no, no.
Hilda, you may go.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
State your business, Hogan.
I have many things to do.
Yeah, I was, uh, I was thinking
about your friend,
the Blue Baron.
You know...
Do you know even in America
the name von Richter
is a household word?
Look, Hogan, I
do not want to hear
any more about von Richter.
I see no reason
why the name Klink
shouldn't be a household word.
What do you mean?
You've got to stop
letting everybody else
grab the headlines.
You've got a point there.
Your problem is,
you're too modest.
You know something, Hogan?
That has always been my problem.
Mm-hmm.
There's no reason in the world
why you shouldn't be
the topic of conversation
in every German officer's club.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
That is the curse of
being a humble man.
You've always
been tops in humility.
But what can a humble man do
except to continue
being a brilliant officer?
But nobody knows that.
You've got to play
the social game,
like the Blue Baron
and Burkhalter
and that crowd.
The social game?
The real prisoner in this
camp is your great personality.
True, Hogan.
I never thought of it that way.
You ought to let it go free,
let the right people see it.
What have you got in mind?
Circulate more.
Throw a few parties.
Let them see the Klink
charm, the Klink wit.
Yes, Hogan, yes.
I mean, at Hitler's birthday
last month, who got all
the laughs with Frau
Goring's hat on his head, huh?
I'm always the
life of the party.
Ask Hilda to come in a
minute with her pad, huh?
Why ask Frau Hilda to come in?
To send out the invitations.
But I...
I handled this sort of
thing in the Pentagon.
Oh.
Now, first thing you got to add
is General Burkhalter, he's key.
Mm-hmm. Then General Grunwald...
Carries a lot of
weight at headquarters.
Yes, yes, yes.
And, um, oh...
General von Richter.
Adolph loves him.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
And, uh, Colonel Danzig.
I understand he decorated
Mrs. Goring's apartment.
Mail call. Mail call.
Hey, when did that arrive?
Who cares?
Anything there for me?
This is a surprise.
Hold it, hold it.
It's not our mail, it's Klink's.
The RSVPs for the party.
Right, I lifted them
from Langenscheidt
and steamed them open.
Terrific... I never would
have thought of that.
And you wonder why
you lost at Waterloo.
General Grunwald.
And one from Colonel Danzig.
Here's the Blue Baron's answer.
"Colonel Klink, when I
received your invitation,
"for a moment I had
forgotten who you were.
"However, the weather turned
cold and my knee stiffened up
"as it has since
August the fourth, 1917,
"when you panicked and
almost killed the two of us
"in that training crash.
Instead of your party,
I'll be soaking my knee."
What's Colonel Danzig's say?
Just two words... "Klink who?"
Well, there goes the party.
Yeah, I think we
can safely assume
ol' Klink isn't much of a draw.
Well, it was a
great plan, Colonel.
It sure was.
Made just one mistake.
What was that?
I never should
have invited Klink
to his own party.
Guten Morgen, Colonel Hogan.
Hi, Hilda.
Happy Hun in his office?
Yeah, but he won't be so happy
when General Burkhalter
is finished with him.
Oh, really?
Burkhalter raking
him over the coals?
By now he's ready to be basted.
Honey, I like a funny Fraulein,
and pretty, too.
Um... how would you like
to make a few
phone calls for me?
I should actually
report this to Berlin.
They know how to deal
with frivolous officers
who are throwing parties.
Believe me, General Burkhalter,
I did not intend for
this to be a fun party.
Achtung!
I was going to insist
that everybody
have a terrible time.
If you were there,
Klink, they couldn't miss.
You're right, Herr General.
I realize I've always
been a party pooper.
And dumb, too.
And dumb, too.
Dumb enough to
think that I would come
to a party in the
middle of a war?
I should have known,
General Burkhalter,
that any man as dedicated
to the Fatherland as you
would never take
time off for a party.
Achtung!
It would be like
inviting the Fuhrer.
He would take the
time, but not me.
I assure you,
General Burkhalter,
I shall never have any party...
Achtung!
Except a victory party.
I hope so, Klink,
because if you ever
decide to have another party,
you will be serving the
wine of the country...
Vodka.
Hello, Major?
I'm calling for Colonel Klink.
Would you please tell
General von Richter
that Colonel Klink is so sorry
the general won't
be able to attend
the party tomorrow night?
Oh, yes, he will extend
the general's regrets
to Honey Hornburg and
the Stuttgart Steppers.
Oh, they're an
exotic dance group.
Thank you, Major.
Well, from the sound
of the major's voice,
if von Richter can't
come to the party, he will.
Good girl.
Now call Colonel Danzig
and General Grunwald,
give them the same message.
Connect me with...
We can only win this war
if every soldier lives the same
Spartan existence as I do.
Up at 6:00, in bed by 10:00.
And every moment thinking of...
Hogan, what are you doing here?
Hogan, out, out!
Didn't mean to interrupt,
sir, but I just came
to volunteer my men
to help out at your party.
There is not
going to be a party.
What a shame.
This is going to
come as a terrible blow
to Honey Hornburg and
the Stuttgart Steppers.
Honey Hornburg and
her Stuttgart Steppers?!
Didn't you tell him, Colonel?
I bet I blew the surprise.
Hogan, you never
once said that... Klink!
Yes, General.
I have been thinking.
All the men in this area
have been under a
lot of tension lately.
A little party might be
just what they need.
But, General, you
said that... Klink!
I said it was good for morale.
Have the party as planned.
Certainly, General...
but I think it's a shame
that you won't be coming.
Who won't be coming?
If the fuhrer won't
come, I can come.
Well, sir, everything's
working out beautifully for you.
Hogan... But don't
overdo a good thing.
Send everybody home at 10:00.
Show Burkhalter you're
just as Spartan as he is.
Why did you have to
make up a story like this?
Telephone.
Hello, Klink speaking.
Ah, Baron von Richter.
What a pleasure
to hear from you, sir.
I'm just fine, thank you, sir.
How's your knee?
I see.
And what's that, sir?
Uh, no, sir, I did not
receive a note from you.
Oh, I'm so glad that
you can come, sir.
I shall be delighted
to see you again.
Yes, sir, thank you, sir.
That was the Blue Baron.
He has accepted the invitation.
Well, why not? He idolized you.
Hello, Klink speaking. Yes?
General Grunwald.
Yes. No, sir...
I did not receive
a note from you.
I'm delighted you can
come, sir. Thank you, sir.
And that was Grunwald.
He's accepted the invitation.
Who could turn you down?
Wait...
General Burkhalter will be
expecting Honey Hornburg
and her Stuttgart
Steppers, and it's your fault!
It was the only way I could
get him to okay the party.
But how can I get
these girls here?
Do you really think
that Honey Hornburg
would turn down your invitation
knowing who's going
to be at the party?
You're right, Hogan.
Women talk.
She's heard about me.
Right... but just
to play it safe,
casually mention that
the Blue Baron is coming.
And, as I came out of my dive,
there was victim number 73.
Oh, Baron, how thrilling.
It was nothing, my
dear, and for this,
the Kaiser gave
me this little medal.
Oh... naughty, naughty.
Of course! Klink!
Uh, would you
forgive me, please?
Yes, Herr General?
Excuse me. This has
been a wonderful party.
Oh, I'm so glad that
you're enjoying yourself, sir.
I haven't had this much fun
since the day we
marched into Russia.
That's very good, good.
Have you ever
been to Dusseldorf?
Ah, they love me in Dusseldorf.
They appreciate class acts.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my dear Baron...
why aren't you dancing with
this, uh, lovely lady, hmm?
Yes, Baron, you
must dance with me.
No. Thank you, my dear,
but I don't think I
would be very good.
Oh, please do.
Of course you will...
You will enjoy yourself.
Oh, b-by the way, when
was the last time you danced?
August 4, 1917.
That's, uh, very...
Roger, London. The
timing should be perfect.
Over and out.
The Eighth Air Force
has two groups airborne.
They rendezvous over
Hammelburg at 2400 hours.
Gives us two hours to
tail the Blue Baron's car,
find out where his airfield
is, and set off the flares.
General, it's 10:00.
Time to say good night.
Klink, you were right.
You are a party pooper.
No, no, no, Herr General,
we are just following
your example of
Spartan training.
The Spartans didn't go to
bed at 10:00 on Saturday night.
Today's Wednesday.
Every night is Saturday night
when you are with
Honey Hornburg.
Hogan, the party
is still going on.
Hasn't Burkhalter left yet?
No, and doesn't
look like he's going to.
What about the Blue Baron?
Well, he's still
sitting on the couch.
I don't know if he's
having a good time
or if he can't get up
because of his bad knee.
That doesn't give us
much time. Come on.
You jolly well better
get over there soon
and remind General
Burkhalter it's past 10:00.
But he's having
such a good time.
Why should he leave now?
He's going to blame you
for it, sir, in the morning,
when he wakes up,
looks in that mirror,
and sees those
bloodshot Spartan eyes.
Maybe you're right, Newkirk.
Uh, uh, uh, General Burkhalter,
I, uh, think it's about time
we all say good night now.
All right, everybody
say good night to Klink.
Good night!
Colonel Hogan!
Hi, hi.
How nice to see you.
Yeah. Come on and join us.
General, are you always
so friendly with the prisoners?
My darling, when
you are in love,
the whole world is German.
Well, look, I, uh, hate
to bother you, General,
but I have to take my
men back to the barracks.
It's after 10:00. Let
them stay up, Hogan.
It's Saturday night.
It's Wednesday night.
It is Saturday night,
Klink, and that's an order!
That's an order. Yeah, have fun.
No luck with Burkhalter, huh?
Yeah, he's flying pretty high.
Two more drinks, and
he'll be on instruments.
What about the Blue Baron...
you think he's going to leave?
No, he's set his
sights on that blonde.
I think she's going
to be kill number 76.
We don't have too much time
before those bombers come over.
Ah, we're dead, sir, dead.
The Blue Baron's the only one
who could lead
us to his air base.
Well, there's one other
person who knows where it is.
Who's that? His driver.
Well, he won't leave, sir,
without the Blue Baron.
The Blue Baron is leaving.
Driver! The baron is leaving.
I'm afraid he's had a
little too much to drink.
You take us back
to the air base.
We'll take care of
him when we get there.
Jawohl.
Ah! Watch your leg.
Is that the air field?
Jawohl.
Stop.
Here?
Please.
Those planes'll
be over any minute.
Yeah, there's the fence
around the air field.
All right, you two
go set off the flares.
I'll stand by the road
and watch for the guard.
All right, sir.
Hey, Newkirk, I can't swim!
I can't swim. Car... Carter.
Why don't you stand up, then?
Oh, this is bloody charming.
Oh, boy. Hope the water
hasn't ruined the flares.
Do you have any matches, Carter?
Yeah, yeah, I-I
think they were...
With the flares, right?
Ooh, you're clever, you are.
I can get a fire started.
Do you think it's going to work?
Well, sure. I got a merit badge.
Oh, well, then...
What are you doing?
Uh, we are taking
survival training.
Stand up!
Giving an order to
a general, Officer?
Then why are you
wearing those shoes?
Now march!
Halt!
What's going on here?
Who are you?
I am General von Richter.
Show me your
identification papers.
He's not a general.
Look at this boots.
What happened to you two?
Oh, we went for
a bit of a swim, sir.
Fell in that pond, and the flares
got all wet, but don't worry, sir.
I can get a fire
started in just a jiffy.
He won a merit badge,
didn't you, Carter?
Hold it like this...
Yeah?
I think it's coming. I
think I smell some smoke.
I think you're right, Carter.
It's getting hotter already.
Let's get out of here.
How did that get started?
In my troop, we
did it with rocks.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you hear from
the munitions dump?
Ah, good. Thank you, Major.
Colonel, what was all
that noise about last night?
That noise was
your stupid comrades
dropping bombs in their
usual stupid manner.
Really? Mm-hmm.
For your information,
no military
installation in this area
has reported any damage.
Well, you win some,
you lose some.
Ah, Baron von Richter.
Good morning, sir. What
a pleasure to see you.
Did you get back to your
base all right last night?
Mm, yeah, I got
back there, all right,
but when I got
there... it wasn't there.
One of your
airfields is missing?
Klink... every time I
get mixed up with you,
you are a jinx.
I never want you
to contact me again.
And that's an order!
The ingrate.
The way he acts,
no one would know
that I was the one who
taught him how to fly.
Oh, everybody would know.
They can tell by his limp.
What an adorable
little baby, Fraulein.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
We just had a
little boy like this.
She's a girl.
I always have that trouble.
For two weeks, I was calling
my little daughter Adolph.
She's a very cute baby.
That is the weekly
underground report.
Good work.
We also heard
General von Richter
has been seen in this area.
The Blue Baron?
Yes.
There's a rumor
that they have moved
the 16th fighter
squadron to this section.
Ah, we'll check in...
Please, do not
disturb the child.
She must have her nap.
Yes. What is the
little darling's name?
Christina. Oh.
An SS man.
Just act natural.
Must be lonely sitting with
a baby every night, Fraulein.
Not really.
Why don't you come up to
my place and sit with me?
They're, uh, not making
nannies like they used to.
Roger, London.
We'll get back to you
as soon as we can.
Over and out.
Hi, Colonel.
Hi, hi.
You'll never guess
in a million years
who's in town.
Here, let me just
take a wild shot at it.
Um, the Blue Baron?
How'd you know that?
I have extrasensory,
supernatural
powers of clairvoyance.
He also listens to
the radio from London.
Is that the same Blue Baron
who's a German war ace?
Yeah, shot down more planes
in World War I
than Buddy Rogers.
I read he had a lot of class.
Yeah, when he shot
down an enemy plane,
he'd fly over the
Allied air field and drop
the pilot's scarf,
goggles and rabbit's foot.
Colonel?
Yeah, Kinch?
The headquarters thinks
that General von Richter
may have established a
secret air base in this area.
They want us to locate it so
our bombers can knock it out.
Roll call! Roll call!
Klink is coming!
And not a moment too soon.
This assignment calls
for our secret weapon.
What secret weapon?
Klink's big mouth.
All right, bet you ten marks
Langenscheidt does know.
Sir, I'll bet you ten
marks he doesn't know.
You're on. Know what?
Who General von Richter is.
General von Richter,
the Blue Baron?
The greatest flier in the world.
Yeah, well, I say he's in
command of the 17th squadron
and Newkirk says the 15th.
Oh, you're both wrong.
It's the 16th.
And they've just
been transferred
here to Hammelburg, right?
Oh, no, I assure
you, Colonel Hogan,
that the general could not
be stationed in this area.
What makes you so sure?
He is a close personal
friend of Colonel Klink's.
They were classmates
at flying school.
There's a great combination...
The Blue Baron and
the Yellow Peasant.
Langenscheidt!
Ja, mein Kommandant?
Why are you standing around
talking to the prisoners?
You wouldn't want him
to talk to the other guards.
They'd bore him to death.
Report!
All present and accounted
for, Herr Kommandant.
Dismissed.
Colonel Klink.
Yes, Hogan?
Langenscheidt tells
us you took pilot training
with General von Richter.
Ooh, I was his hero.
He idolized me.
We were roommates.
Really?
What would you
say was the one thing
that made the Blue Baron
the greatest fighter
pilot in World War I?
Me. You?
Taught him everything
he knew about flying.
That's why I was known to
my classmates as The Eagle.
Because you could fly,
or because you were bald?
I don't have to defend
my ability as a pilot
to you, Colonel.
You know, Colonel, it's
hard to believe that the Baron
could get credit for shooting
down 75 enemy planes.
How'd he do it?
First, you have
to be a great flier.
Second, you have
to be a great shot.
And third, it helps to
have a brother in Berlin
who's a great publicity agent.
You and the Baron went
through a lot together.
You still keep in touch?
He was never much for writing.
When was the last time
you heard from him?
Just before the
Battle of Verdun.
Did Klink give you
any information
about the Blue Baron?
Yeah, they took
pilot training together.
Do they still keep in touch?
Not really.
The last time the
Blue Baron wrote Klink
was with a quill pen.
That's too bad.
If von Richter was
still friendly with Klink,
we might be able to find out
exactly where he's stationed.
The way Klink
talked, I don't think
they're going to be
having a class reunion.
But the Blue Baron might
come to Klink's party.
What party?
The party I'm going
to talk Klink into having
for the Blue Baron.
And in addition the
siren and the barbed wire,
I again request from
the quartermaster
another spare monocle.
I do not feel that those of us
who only have one weak eye
should be discriminated against.
I patiently await your shipment,
Heil Hitler, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera.
Hi, Hilda. Mr. Big in?
Yes, Mr. Big is in.
If you're busy, I can come back.
No, no, no, no.
Hilda, you may go.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
State your business, Hogan.
I have many things to do.
Yeah, I was, uh, I was thinking
about your friend,
the Blue Baron.
You know...
Do you know even in America
the name von Richter
is a household word?
Look, Hogan, I
do not want to hear
any more about von Richter.
I see no reason
why the name Klink
shouldn't be a household word.
What do you mean?
You've got to stop
letting everybody else
grab the headlines.
You've got a point there.
Your problem is,
you're too modest.
You know something, Hogan?
That has always been my problem.
Mm-hmm.
There's no reason in the world
why you shouldn't be
the topic of conversation
in every German officer's club.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
That is the curse of
being a humble man.
You've always
been tops in humility.
But what can a humble man do
except to continue
being a brilliant officer?
But nobody knows that.
You've got to play
the social game,
like the Blue Baron
and Burkhalter
and that crowd.
The social game?
The real prisoner in this
camp is your great personality.
True, Hogan.
I never thought of it that way.
You ought to let it go free,
let the right people see it.
What have you got in mind?
Circulate more.
Throw a few parties.
Let them see the Klink
charm, the Klink wit.
Yes, Hogan, yes.
I mean, at Hitler's birthday
last month, who got all
the laughs with Frau
Goring's hat on his head, huh?
I'm always the
life of the party.
Ask Hilda to come in a
minute with her pad, huh?
Why ask Frau Hilda to come in?
To send out the invitations.
But I...
I handled this sort of
thing in the Pentagon.
Oh.
Now, first thing you got to add
is General Burkhalter, he's key.
Mm-hmm. Then General Grunwald...
Carries a lot of
weight at headquarters.
Yes, yes, yes.
And, um, oh...
General von Richter.
Adolph loves him.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
And, uh, Colonel Danzig.
I understand he decorated
Mrs. Goring's apartment.
Mail call. Mail call.
Hey, when did that arrive?
Who cares?
Anything there for me?
This is a surprise.
Hold it, hold it.
It's not our mail, it's Klink's.
The RSVPs for the party.
Right, I lifted them
from Langenscheidt
and steamed them open.
Terrific... I never would
have thought of that.
And you wonder why
you lost at Waterloo.
General Grunwald.
And one from Colonel Danzig.
Here's the Blue Baron's answer.
"Colonel Klink, when I
received your invitation,
"for a moment I had
forgotten who you were.
"However, the weather turned
cold and my knee stiffened up
"as it has since
August the fourth, 1917,
"when you panicked and
almost killed the two of us
"in that training crash.
Instead of your party,
I'll be soaking my knee."
What's Colonel Danzig's say?
Just two words... "Klink who?"
Well, there goes the party.
Yeah, I think we
can safely assume
ol' Klink isn't much of a draw.
Well, it was a
great plan, Colonel.
It sure was.
Made just one mistake.
What was that?
I never should
have invited Klink
to his own party.
Guten Morgen, Colonel Hogan.
Hi, Hilda.
Happy Hun in his office?
Yeah, but he won't be so happy
when General Burkhalter
is finished with him.
Oh, really?
Burkhalter raking
him over the coals?
By now he's ready to be basted.
Honey, I like a funny Fraulein,
and pretty, too.
Um... how would you like
to make a few
phone calls for me?
I should actually
report this to Berlin.
They know how to deal
with frivolous officers
who are throwing parties.
Believe me, General Burkhalter,
I did not intend for
this to be a fun party.
Achtung!
I was going to insist
that everybody
have a terrible time.
If you were there,
Klink, they couldn't miss.
You're right, Herr General.
I realize I've always
been a party pooper.
And dumb, too.
And dumb, too.
Dumb enough to
think that I would come
to a party in the
middle of a war?
I should have known,
General Burkhalter,
that any man as dedicated
to the Fatherland as you
would never take
time off for a party.
Achtung!
It would be like
inviting the Fuhrer.
He would take the
time, but not me.
I assure you,
General Burkhalter,
I shall never have any party...
Achtung!
Except a victory party.
I hope so, Klink,
because if you ever
decide to have another party,
you will be serving the
wine of the country...
Vodka.
Hello, Major?
I'm calling for Colonel Klink.
Would you please tell
General von Richter
that Colonel Klink is so sorry
the general won't
be able to attend
the party tomorrow night?
Oh, yes, he will extend
the general's regrets
to Honey Hornburg and
the Stuttgart Steppers.
Oh, they're an
exotic dance group.
Thank you, Major.
Well, from the sound
of the major's voice,
if von Richter can't
come to the party, he will.
Good girl.
Now call Colonel Danzig
and General Grunwald,
give them the same message.
Connect me with...
We can only win this war
if every soldier lives the same
Spartan existence as I do.
Up at 6:00, in bed by 10:00.
And every moment thinking of...
Hogan, what are you doing here?
Hogan, out, out!
Didn't mean to interrupt,
sir, but I just came
to volunteer my men
to help out at your party.
There is not
going to be a party.
What a shame.
This is going to
come as a terrible blow
to Honey Hornburg and
the Stuttgart Steppers.
Honey Hornburg and
her Stuttgart Steppers?!
Didn't you tell him, Colonel?
I bet I blew the surprise.
Hogan, you never
once said that... Klink!
Yes, General.
I have been thinking.
All the men in this area
have been under a
lot of tension lately.
A little party might be
just what they need.
But, General, you
said that... Klink!
I said it was good for morale.
Have the party as planned.
Certainly, General...
but I think it's a shame
that you won't be coming.
Who won't be coming?
If the fuhrer won't
come, I can come.
Well, sir, everything's
working out beautifully for you.
Hogan... But don't
overdo a good thing.
Send everybody home at 10:00.
Show Burkhalter you're
just as Spartan as he is.
Why did you have to
make up a story like this?
Telephone.
Hello, Klink speaking.
Ah, Baron von Richter.
What a pleasure
to hear from you, sir.
I'm just fine, thank you, sir.
How's your knee?
I see.
And what's that, sir?
Uh, no, sir, I did not
receive a note from you.
Oh, I'm so glad that
you can come, sir.
I shall be delighted
to see you again.
Yes, sir, thank you, sir.
That was the Blue Baron.
He has accepted the invitation.
Well, why not? He idolized you.
Hello, Klink speaking. Yes?
General Grunwald.
Yes. No, sir...
I did not receive
a note from you.
I'm delighted you can
come, sir. Thank you, sir.
And that was Grunwald.
He's accepted the invitation.
Who could turn you down?
Wait...
General Burkhalter will be
expecting Honey Hornburg
and her Stuttgart
Steppers, and it's your fault!
It was the only way I could
get him to okay the party.
But how can I get
these girls here?
Do you really think
that Honey Hornburg
would turn down your invitation
knowing who's going
to be at the party?
You're right, Hogan.
Women talk.
She's heard about me.
Right... but just
to play it safe,
casually mention that
the Blue Baron is coming.
And, as I came out of my dive,
there was victim number 73.
Oh, Baron, how thrilling.
It was nothing, my
dear, and for this,
the Kaiser gave
me this little medal.
Oh... naughty, naughty.
Of course! Klink!
Uh, would you
forgive me, please?
Yes, Herr General?
Excuse me. This has
been a wonderful party.
Oh, I'm so glad that
you're enjoying yourself, sir.
I haven't had this much fun
since the day we
marched into Russia.
That's very good, good.
Have you ever
been to Dusseldorf?
Ah, they love me in Dusseldorf.
They appreciate class acts.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my dear Baron...
why aren't you dancing with
this, uh, lovely lady, hmm?
Yes, Baron, you
must dance with me.
No. Thank you, my dear,
but I don't think I
would be very good.
Oh, please do.
Of course you will...
You will enjoy yourself.
Oh, b-by the way, when
was the last time you danced?
August 4, 1917.
That's, uh, very...
Roger, London. The
timing should be perfect.
Over and out.
The Eighth Air Force
has two groups airborne.
They rendezvous over
Hammelburg at 2400 hours.
Gives us two hours to
tail the Blue Baron's car,
find out where his airfield
is, and set off the flares.
General, it's 10:00.
Time to say good night.
Klink, you were right.
You are a party pooper.
No, no, no, Herr General,
we are just following
your example of
Spartan training.
The Spartans didn't go to
bed at 10:00 on Saturday night.
Today's Wednesday.
Every night is Saturday night
when you are with
Honey Hornburg.
Hogan, the party
is still going on.
Hasn't Burkhalter left yet?
No, and doesn't
look like he's going to.
What about the Blue Baron?
Well, he's still
sitting on the couch.
I don't know if he's
having a good time
or if he can't get up
because of his bad knee.
That doesn't give us
much time. Come on.
You jolly well better
get over there soon
and remind General
Burkhalter it's past 10:00.
But he's having
such a good time.
Why should he leave now?
He's going to blame you
for it, sir, in the morning,
when he wakes up,
looks in that mirror,
and sees those
bloodshot Spartan eyes.
Maybe you're right, Newkirk.
Uh, uh, uh, General Burkhalter,
I, uh, think it's about time
we all say good night now.
All right, everybody
say good night to Klink.
Good night!
Colonel Hogan!
Hi, hi.
How nice to see you.
Yeah. Come on and join us.
General, are you always
so friendly with the prisoners?
My darling, when
you are in love,
the whole world is German.
Well, look, I, uh, hate
to bother you, General,
but I have to take my
men back to the barracks.
It's after 10:00. Let
them stay up, Hogan.
It's Saturday night.
It's Wednesday night.
It is Saturday night,
Klink, and that's an order!
That's an order. Yeah, have fun.
No luck with Burkhalter, huh?
Yeah, he's flying pretty high.
Two more drinks, and
he'll be on instruments.
What about the Blue Baron...
you think he's going to leave?
No, he's set his
sights on that blonde.
I think she's going
to be kill number 76.
We don't have too much time
before those bombers come over.
Ah, we're dead, sir, dead.
The Blue Baron's the only one
who could lead
us to his air base.
Well, there's one other
person who knows where it is.
Who's that? His driver.
Well, he won't leave, sir,
without the Blue Baron.
The Blue Baron is leaving.
Driver! The baron is leaving.
I'm afraid he's had a
little too much to drink.
You take us back
to the air base.
We'll take care of
him when we get there.
Jawohl.
Ah! Watch your leg.
Is that the air field?
Jawohl.
Stop.
Here?
Please.
Those planes'll
be over any minute.
Yeah, there's the fence
around the air field.
All right, you two
go set off the flares.
I'll stand by the road
and watch for the guard.
All right, sir.
Hey, Newkirk, I can't swim!
I can't swim. Car... Carter.
Why don't you stand up, then?
Oh, this is bloody charming.
Oh, boy. Hope the water
hasn't ruined the flares.
Do you have any matches, Carter?
Yeah, yeah, I-I
think they were...
With the flares, right?
Ooh, you're clever, you are.
I can get a fire started.
Do you think it's going to work?
Well, sure. I got a merit badge.
Oh, well, then...
What are you doing?
Uh, we are taking
survival training.
Stand up!
Giving an order to
a general, Officer?
Then why are you
wearing those shoes?
Now march!
Halt!
What's going on here?
Who are you?
I am General von Richter.
Show me your
identification papers.
He's not a general.
Look at this boots.
What happened to you two?
Oh, we went for
a bit of a swim, sir.
Fell in that pond, and the flares
got all wet, but don't worry, sir.
I can get a fire
started in just a jiffy.
He won a merit badge,
didn't you, Carter?
Hold it like this...
Yeah?
I think it's coming. I
think I smell some smoke.
I think you're right, Carter.
It's getting hotter already.
Let's get out of here.
How did that get started?
In my troop, we
did it with rocks.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you hear from
the munitions dump?
Ah, good. Thank you, Major.
Colonel, what was all
that noise about last night?
That noise was
your stupid comrades
dropping bombs in their
usual stupid manner.
Really? Mm-hmm.
For your information,
no military
installation in this area
has reported any damage.
Well, you win some,
you lose some.
Ah, Baron von Richter.
Good morning, sir. What
a pleasure to see you.
Did you get back to your
base all right last night?
Mm, yeah, I got
back there, all right,
but when I got
there... it wasn't there.
One of your
airfields is missing?
Klink... every time I
get mixed up with you,
you are a jinx.
I never want you
to contact me again.
And that's an order!
The ingrate.
The way he acts,
no one would know
that I was the one who
taught him how to fly.
Oh, everybody would know.
They can tell by his limp.