Hogan's Heroes (1965–1971): Season 4, Episode 11 - Bad Day in Berlin - full transcript
An American agent enters Germany and then works with Hogan's people to get a German officer out of Berlin.
So, these are your
chickens, eh, Colonel?
Yes, Major, my chickens.
Look more like pigs to me.
Your uniform is filthy.
Do me a favor. Drop dead.
How dare you!
Hold it! Hold it!
Be as nasty as you
like, but don't touch.
Colonel Hogan!
I'll remember you, Fritz.
Well, the prisoner threatens me.
I'd like to talk with
this man alone.
Of course, Major Temple.
This way, please.
Mm-hmm, very nice.
All the comforts of home
if you live in a garbage pail.
And I suppose you
have all sorts of activities
to keep yourself occupied.
Mostly basket weaving
and clay modeling.
Oh, you play cards.
Mm-hmm.
Poker, by any chance?
Yeah, we play poker.
A cloud passes over the sun.
Casting shadows
on the Earth below.
Robert J. Morrison, Milwaukee.
A major in German Intelligence?
We can't talk now, Hogan.
Klink asked me
to stay for dinner.
Can you arrange something?
Yeah, as soon as I
get over the shock
of an American in
German uniform.
It's a crazy war.
Your life insurance
premiums must be murder.
Great food, excellent.
You do yourself very
well here, Colonel.
Thank you.
I always say there is no sense
acting as if there is a war on
just because there is a war on.
A very practical philosophy.
At the risk of
sounding immodest,
I do drop a few
gems once in a while.
Hello?
Yeah, this is Stalag 13.
Aben.
This is General Clemens.
I want to talk to Colonel
Klink immediately.
General Clemens?!
Heil Hitler.
This is Stalag 13.
Oh, I said it already.
Kommandant is in his quarters.
I can have that call
transferred immediately.
Nein.
You will call him
to his office at once.
This is official business.
Top secret. I will wait.
Jawohl, Herr General.
I will have the Kommandant
here at once if not sooner.
I said have the call
transferred here.
I suggested it, Herr Kommandant,
but he wants to talk
to you in your office.
Official business,
top secret.
These generals...
Just because they
wear a little extra braid
on their sleeves. Huh!
My time will come.
Someday, I will wear the braid.
Yes, Herr Kommandant.
Maybe after the war.
Oh, shut up.
Major,
would you care for
a little more wine?
I'll be back in
just a few minutes.
Thank you, sir.
I'll be waiting right here.
Come on, Schultz.
Schultz, why do they always call
in the middle of a
perfectly lovely dinner?
All afternoon, I
had nothing to do.
Why? Why?
Well, Herr Kommandant...
Oh, who asked you?
He'll be busy for
at least ten minutes.
Very nicely arranged.
Did you know that your
colonel expects to be a general?
In these times, it's the dream
of every German boy and girl.
We can become president,
they can become generals.
You might even make it.
How long you been
in the Kraut army?
Ten years.
Started back home.
I was ordered to join the
German-American Bund.
The next order was a beauty.
I had to give up my citizenship
so the Germans would take me.
Ordered to become a traitor.
Right. Now let's get
down to business.
We've got to talk fast.
You know Robin Hood?
Yeah, he's one of our control
agents in London headquarters.
We get our orders
from him by radio.
You won't anymore.
He's come back to Germany.
Back to Germany?
I don't follow.
It's easy... he's a Kraut.
Come on.
Real name: Decker.
German-American, like myself.
Deep agent planted years ago.
OSS got a line on him,
he found out and took off.
He could sell us out like that.
He's got more secrets
than General Marshall.
He's got to know half the
undercover network in Europe...
Names, places, dates, codes.
Everybody's got to hole up.
We are holed up.
We're in a POW camp, remember?
The Gestapo wants us,
all they have to
do is shake the tree
and we fall out dead.
Not if we get to Decker first.
We know where
he is... Hotel Berlin.
The brass in London
want him back,
still breathing.
You're kidding?
They want to know who
his contacts are in England.
Then he stands
trial for espionage.
300, maybe 400 people
could be executed
and they want to play,
"Information, please"?
Those are the orders.
Return him to England
before he starts talking.
Now, right now, he's waiting
for General Schellenberg,
Gestapo, to return to
Berlin from the eastern front.
Well, good luck.
With Decker on the loose,
I'm going to make out my will.
Say, you couldn't use a
six-year-old motorcycle, could you?
It's in the garage back home.
The tires aren't too bad.
Hogan, you've had experience
with this kind of a job.
Decker has never seen you,
and you're not known in Berlin.
They expect us to go to Berlin
and grab a German
agent out of the hotel?
Your life is on the line, too.
You'll be among the first.
How are we
supposed to get there,
ask Klink for a weekend pass?
The Abwehr... my
outfit... We have orders
to keep interrogating
prisoners of war.
So, I take you and your
men to Berlin for questioning.
And Klink comes along, too.
Who needs him?
Regulation.
A Luftwaffe officer
must be present
at all interrogation.
Now, time is a factor.
We'll leave early
in the morning.
All right.
Oh, and, Morrison,
you sure you don't
want my motorcycle?
Next prisoner to be
questioned, Herr Major.
Louis LeBeau, Corporal.
Captured near Chalon.
Oh, beautiful town.
And the girls.
Well, there was one girl...
Silence, Corporal!
I'm not interested
in your experiences.
You haven't heard them
yet, Herr Kommandant.
Six weeks ago, you received
a letter from a woman in Paris.
A, uh, Yvette Blanchard.
You've been reading my mail.
Pretty good, huh, monsieur?
The Geneva convention permits us
to censor the
letters of prisoners.
Oh, we would do
it even without that.
I know.
I don't get to read anything.
Schultz!
Now, Madam Blanchard says here,
among other very
interesting things,
"Hope to see you soon."
What does that phrase mean?
Oh, that's code
for "Hitler's mother
wears army shoes."
Insolence!
Does that woman Blanchard
have any information
with regards to an invasion?
Answer the question!
What does it mean?!
Well, at least we're
getting somewhere.
What did he say?
I'm afraid I don't speak French.
I was hoping, perhaps,
that you may, Herr Colonel.
Oh, well, just for
social purposes.
I really don't speak it.
Do you, Sergeant?
Yes, Herr Major.
I tried it once.
I got my face slapped.
He has enough
trouble with German.
What's the difference?
I wouldn't answer
the question anyway.
Schultz, take him
back to his cell.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
About face.
Forward march.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
These French...
they're very difficult.
Yes, but I'm sure with
your expert technique,
you could get plenty out of him.
Oh, yes, Major, my
expert technique.
We have questioned Colonel
Hogan, Sergeant Carter
and that Englishman, Newkirk.
Frankly, I'm not satisfied.
I am not either.
I was about to tell you that.
If I may suggest, I
would like to take Hogan
and Carter and Newkirk
to SS headquarters
for more intensive
interrogation.
Excellent idea, Major.
May I also suggest
that you remain here
and continue questioning
the Frenchman
and, uh, uh, Sergeant Kinchloe.
That way we will save time.
Frankly, Major, I
was hoping to see
my dear old friend
General Von Stormer
at SS headquarters.
I haven't seen him
for quite a while.
General Von
Stormer is in trouble
with the Fuhrer at the moment.
Some suspicion of treason.
He's not really a close friend.
Actually, I hardly know him.
As a matter of fact, I don't
even like him very much.
I shall stay here,
and I shall question
the other two.
Very well.
I will make the arrangements.
All right, I won't need you.
More questions, Major?
You already asked my
name, rank and serial number.
When we get through
with you, Colonel Hogan,
you will not be
quite so insolent.
Decker is still at the hotel.
I hope they got better
room service than this joint.
Unfortunately, I can't
give you special privileges.
That's all right. We're
moving tomorrow.
I arranged for Carter
and Newkirk to go with us.
What about Klink?
I talked him into staying here
and continue questioning
LeBeau and Kinchloe.
Must've done a
pretty good selling job.
He's an egomaniac and a creep.
And you hardly know him.
What's the plan? I'll
brief you tomorrow.
I don't want to
stay here too long.
Morrison?
You got more guts than
a Philadelphia lawyer.
And why not?
I am Major Hans Temple,
Military Intelligence.
Please, don't scare me
any more than is
absolutely necessary.
An ambulance, Major?
We have found it the best way
to transport prisoners
around Berlin.
Has the right of way,
and no one can see inside.
Very interesting.
I must remember that,
if we ever have an
ambulance at Stalag 13.
Now, there shouldn't
be any trouble
getting into the hotel.
You're a medical unit.
You're here to check his room.
We shouldn't have
any trouble, but we may.
I've got trouble right now.
I think it's called "panic."
Not me. I'm just plain scared.
Now once we get
into Decker's room,
we put him to sleep immediately.
And then Newkirk and
Carter carry him out
on a stretcher to the ambulance?
Right. Down these back stairs.
Now, as soon as Hogan and
I join you in the ambulance,
we'll drive to the Stalag
13 truck, put Decker into it,
take him back to camp and
start him on his way to England.
Any questions?
Yeah, you said
"put him to sleep."
You got a degree in hypnotism?
Glad you brought that up, sir.
You know, a lot of people
resist sleep during the day.
He's a bloody genius.
Now, we'll talk to
Decker for a few minutes,
put him at ease.
And then as we leave,
I'll shake his hand.
I'll be wearing this ring.
There's a tiny
needle on the band.
When depressed, it releases
a drug, sodium thiophene.
Works almost instantly.
Puts you to sleep
for about 12 hours.
Diabolical.
Morrison, will you
do me a favor?
If we ever meet on the street,
don't shake my hand, just nod.
Your, uh... name is not
familiar to me, Major Teppel.
You did say you
are with the Abwehr.
How did you know I was here?
Well, the Abwehr
has its connections
to other intelligence
services, Herr Decker.
I see.
Well, what do you want?
What are they doing
in there, serving tea?
We're supposed to be calm.
We're in the medical corps.
Ah, thank you very much,
Florence Nightingale.
Ah, we were hoping that you
might spare us an hour or two.
There are a few questions
we would like to ask you
about the Polish
communication system.
You can understand
our curiosity.
Oh, of course.
But, uh...
you must understand
that I work for the Gestapo.
My orders are to
report to them first.
To General Schellenberg.
Oh?
You know that, too.
In any case, I'll
need his approval.
Oh, I'm sure he'll
give you his consent.
Thank you very
much, Herr Decker.
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
Wha-wh-what's happening?
Five, six, seven.
Happy landing!
Let's go.
Newkirk, Carter? Come on.
Get him on there.
Quick... here!
Watch that, Carter. Okay.
Here we go, Okay?
Gorblimey.
I use anesthesia all the time.
Ready? Come on. Spread it out.
We can do that outside.
Quiet, quiet.
He's a very easy
patient to handle, sir.
No trouble at all.
All right, take him
down to the ambulance,
and put him in the
back and wait for us.
Right. Anybody questions you,
tell them you're under
orders from Major Teppel.
I will do that, sir. Right!
Go on, Carter.
Maps, battle plans,
a list of our agents in Europe.
The works.
This is why we
got to get Decker.
Well, we got him.
Well, I can tell you now,
I had a little protection
set up for us.
Protection?
See the car across the street?
Two men changing a tire?
Yeah, I see it. He's got a rifle
and a perfect shot at
the front of the hotel.
So, if we didn't get
Decker, they would.
They got orders not to
miss the man carrying this.
I like the way you
hedge your bets.
I had to be sure.
Decker must be in the
ambulance. Let's go.
This is Herr Decker's room.
It is.
Who are you?
Hans Teppel, Abwehr.
You have business
with Herr Decker?
We're friends. I
heard he was in town...
You heard... he was in town?
Well, we try to keep up
with all the latest news.
If you'll wait a minute,
I'll tell Decker you're here.
I'll tell him myself.
Hans, I thought you'd gone.
I was on my way out...
Herr Decker?
Captain Metzger,
Colonel Braun's aide.
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
Colonel Braun is
waiting in the lobby, sir,
to escort you to
General Schellenberg.
Very good.
Tell him I'll be down
as soon as I dress.
My orders were to accompany you.
Captain, I made it all the
way from England on my own.
As far as I can tell,
my legs are still
in working order.
Tell the Colonel I'll be
down as soon as I dress.
Jawohl.
At once.
Heil Hitler.
Hans, it's good-bye again.
Ah, yes, I'm a hard
man to get rid of.
Mm-hmm.
Ever seen a grown
man faint? Watch.
We got trouble.
No kidding!
He thinks I'm Decker.
You're going to have to go
down and meet Colonel Braun.
I'll get you away from
him as soon as I can.
Suppose you get tied up.
Suppose you meet
a girl or something.
You got any better ideas?
Yeah, I'm going to go up
to the roof and fly away,
and I don't need a plane.
There's no other way.
Does the general
or this Kraut colonel
know Decker by sight?
I'm not sure.
Well, that's great.
That is great!
If they know him, they
arrest me in the lobby,
hold a trial right
there and shoot me!
Or, if I'm lucky,
and I get past the
killers in the lobby,
I walk out as
Decker in his clothes
with his briefcase.
Those two beauties
working on the car
across the street
have orders not to miss.
I'm a loser either way!
I know.
I'm up the creek!
I don't have a boat, I
don't have a paddle!
I don't even have a creek!
Take it easy. I'll
take care of them.
Before they take care of me?
Don't worry, I'll make
sure they don't fire.
Keep talking, Morrison.
My pulse may start again.
But I must get back
to my headquarters, Colonel.
We will let you go as
soon as we can, Major.
Be patient.
But I'm due at a meeting
with Admiral Keness.
He doesn't like
to be kept waiting.
I'm sure he'll understand.
Please give him my regards.
Colonel, it is Herr Decker.
Herr Decker, Colonel Braun.
A very great pleasure.
Heil Hitler. Colonel Braun.
Uh, have we met before?
You tell me.
No, I think not.
Good.
I mean, it's always good
meeting new friends.
Hans, what are you doing here?
Oh, they wouldn't
let me out of the hotel.
Security.
No one in or out.
Colonel's orders.
You didn't make
contact with our friends?
How could I?
The Major is a
very impatient man.
I just remembered I left
my cigarettes upstairs.
Oh, allow me.
I-I'm expecting a very
important phone call
from a lovely fraulein.
General Schellenberg is waiting.
I left the tub running?
No one keeps General
Schellenberg waiting.
Well, good-bye.
For the last time.
Ooh, I hope not.
Uh, I'll be with you
in just a moment.
Allow me.
Danke.
Uh, Herr Decker!
There is Decker.
The one with the briefcase.
Uh, the shot came
from over there.
Hurry. I'll get a doctor.
Jawohl.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
All right.
Hold it. Okay.
Easy.
Oh, they weigh a ton.
There we are.
Nice and cozy, eh?
Yeah, a lower berth all his own.
For Pete sakes, is he
going to ride in there
all the way back to camp?
With no change of train.
What if he wakes up?
Ask him for his ticket.
Out!
Okay, the luggage is all aboard.
Nice going, men.
You will keep us
in mind for any, uh,
ambulance work
in the future, sir?
Now, I'll turn
you over to Klink,
and you'll be back in Stalag 13
tonight with your luggage.
Don't think it hasn't been
fun, because it hasn't.
I couldn't have
swung it without you.
But if you're ever
back in Berlin again...
Thanks. It's a nice
place to have a war,
but I'd hate to live here.
Good luck, Hogan.
The ring.
I never sleep in the
middle of the day.
Colonel, I made
contact with the sub.
The rendezvous' in 48
hours, the usual place.
Right, Kinch.
Oh, and London says,
"Well done, old chap."
Makes it all worthwhile.
I'm not there yet, Hogan.
You will be, Decker.
You're going to
travel as a prisoner
with these two guards,
and if you try anything,
they have orders
to shoot to kill.
That's the truth.
I wrote the orders meself.
LeBEAU: Hey, Colonel?
Schultz is looking for you.
Klink wants you in his office.
Doesn't he know I'm busy?
Carry on.
Major Teppel was kind
enough to send me this transcript
of the interrogation in Berlin.
Did he spell my name right?
"Question to Colonel Hogan.
"What are the
conditions at Stalag 13?
Are you well-treated?"
"Answer by Hogan.
"Colonel Klink is a very
humane commandant
who tries to make
prison life bearable."
Hogan, did you say that?
Yes, I did, sir. Has
a nice sound to it.
How dare you
undermine me in Berlin.
Why, I thought
that's what you want...
"Humane commandant."
"Prison life bearable."
Are you trying to
destroy my career?
Do you want me to
be a colonel forever?
I'm sorry, sir.
You're not going to get
away with that, I promise.
Look, I know you're a rat,
and you know you're a rat.
Then why didn't you say so?
Well, I thought
it was our secret!
chickens, eh, Colonel?
Yes, Major, my chickens.
Look more like pigs to me.
Your uniform is filthy.
Do me a favor. Drop dead.
How dare you!
Hold it! Hold it!
Be as nasty as you
like, but don't touch.
Colonel Hogan!
I'll remember you, Fritz.
Well, the prisoner threatens me.
I'd like to talk with
this man alone.
Of course, Major Temple.
This way, please.
Mm-hmm, very nice.
All the comforts of home
if you live in a garbage pail.
And I suppose you
have all sorts of activities
to keep yourself occupied.
Mostly basket weaving
and clay modeling.
Oh, you play cards.
Mm-hmm.
Poker, by any chance?
Yeah, we play poker.
A cloud passes over the sun.
Casting shadows
on the Earth below.
Robert J. Morrison, Milwaukee.
A major in German Intelligence?
We can't talk now, Hogan.
Klink asked me
to stay for dinner.
Can you arrange something?
Yeah, as soon as I
get over the shock
of an American in
German uniform.
It's a crazy war.
Your life insurance
premiums must be murder.
Great food, excellent.
You do yourself very
well here, Colonel.
Thank you.
I always say there is no sense
acting as if there is a war on
just because there is a war on.
A very practical philosophy.
At the risk of
sounding immodest,
I do drop a few
gems once in a while.
Hello?
Yeah, this is Stalag 13.
Aben.
This is General Clemens.
I want to talk to Colonel
Klink immediately.
General Clemens?!
Heil Hitler.
This is Stalag 13.
Oh, I said it already.
Kommandant is in his quarters.
I can have that call
transferred immediately.
Nein.
You will call him
to his office at once.
This is official business.
Top secret. I will wait.
Jawohl, Herr General.
I will have the Kommandant
here at once if not sooner.
I said have the call
transferred here.
I suggested it, Herr Kommandant,
but he wants to talk
to you in your office.
Official business,
top secret.
These generals...
Just because they
wear a little extra braid
on their sleeves. Huh!
My time will come.
Someday, I will wear the braid.
Yes, Herr Kommandant.
Maybe after the war.
Oh, shut up.
Major,
would you care for
a little more wine?
I'll be back in
just a few minutes.
Thank you, sir.
I'll be waiting right here.
Come on, Schultz.
Schultz, why do they always call
in the middle of a
perfectly lovely dinner?
All afternoon, I
had nothing to do.
Why? Why?
Well, Herr Kommandant...
Oh, who asked you?
He'll be busy for
at least ten minutes.
Very nicely arranged.
Did you know that your
colonel expects to be a general?
In these times, it's the dream
of every German boy and girl.
We can become president,
they can become generals.
You might even make it.
How long you been
in the Kraut army?
Ten years.
Started back home.
I was ordered to join the
German-American Bund.
The next order was a beauty.
I had to give up my citizenship
so the Germans would take me.
Ordered to become a traitor.
Right. Now let's get
down to business.
We've got to talk fast.
You know Robin Hood?
Yeah, he's one of our control
agents in London headquarters.
We get our orders
from him by radio.
You won't anymore.
He's come back to Germany.
Back to Germany?
I don't follow.
It's easy... he's a Kraut.
Come on.
Real name: Decker.
German-American, like myself.
Deep agent planted years ago.
OSS got a line on him,
he found out and took off.
He could sell us out like that.
He's got more secrets
than General Marshall.
He's got to know half the
undercover network in Europe...
Names, places, dates, codes.
Everybody's got to hole up.
We are holed up.
We're in a POW camp, remember?
The Gestapo wants us,
all they have to
do is shake the tree
and we fall out dead.
Not if we get to Decker first.
We know where
he is... Hotel Berlin.
The brass in London
want him back,
still breathing.
You're kidding?
They want to know who
his contacts are in England.
Then he stands
trial for espionage.
300, maybe 400 people
could be executed
and they want to play,
"Information, please"?
Those are the orders.
Return him to England
before he starts talking.
Now, right now, he's waiting
for General Schellenberg,
Gestapo, to return to
Berlin from the eastern front.
Well, good luck.
With Decker on the loose,
I'm going to make out my will.
Say, you couldn't use a
six-year-old motorcycle, could you?
It's in the garage back home.
The tires aren't too bad.
Hogan, you've had experience
with this kind of a job.
Decker has never seen you,
and you're not known in Berlin.
They expect us to go to Berlin
and grab a German
agent out of the hotel?
Your life is on the line, too.
You'll be among the first.
How are we
supposed to get there,
ask Klink for a weekend pass?
The Abwehr... my
outfit... We have orders
to keep interrogating
prisoners of war.
So, I take you and your
men to Berlin for questioning.
And Klink comes along, too.
Who needs him?
Regulation.
A Luftwaffe officer
must be present
at all interrogation.
Now, time is a factor.
We'll leave early
in the morning.
All right.
Oh, and, Morrison,
you sure you don't
want my motorcycle?
Next prisoner to be
questioned, Herr Major.
Louis LeBeau, Corporal.
Captured near Chalon.
Oh, beautiful town.
And the girls.
Well, there was one girl...
Silence, Corporal!
I'm not interested
in your experiences.
You haven't heard them
yet, Herr Kommandant.
Six weeks ago, you received
a letter from a woman in Paris.
A, uh, Yvette Blanchard.
You've been reading my mail.
Pretty good, huh, monsieur?
The Geneva convention permits us
to censor the
letters of prisoners.
Oh, we would do
it even without that.
I know.
I don't get to read anything.
Schultz!
Now, Madam Blanchard says here,
among other very
interesting things,
"Hope to see you soon."
What does that phrase mean?
Oh, that's code
for "Hitler's mother
wears army shoes."
Insolence!
Does that woman Blanchard
have any information
with regards to an invasion?
Answer the question!
What does it mean?!
Well, at least we're
getting somewhere.
What did he say?
I'm afraid I don't speak French.
I was hoping, perhaps,
that you may, Herr Colonel.
Oh, well, just for
social purposes.
I really don't speak it.
Do you, Sergeant?
Yes, Herr Major.
I tried it once.
I got my face slapped.
He has enough
trouble with German.
What's the difference?
I wouldn't answer
the question anyway.
Schultz, take him
back to his cell.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
About face.
Forward march.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
These French...
they're very difficult.
Yes, but I'm sure with
your expert technique,
you could get plenty out of him.
Oh, yes, Major, my
expert technique.
We have questioned Colonel
Hogan, Sergeant Carter
and that Englishman, Newkirk.
Frankly, I'm not satisfied.
I am not either.
I was about to tell you that.
If I may suggest, I
would like to take Hogan
and Carter and Newkirk
to SS headquarters
for more intensive
interrogation.
Excellent idea, Major.
May I also suggest
that you remain here
and continue questioning
the Frenchman
and, uh, uh, Sergeant Kinchloe.
That way we will save time.
Frankly, Major, I
was hoping to see
my dear old friend
General Von Stormer
at SS headquarters.
I haven't seen him
for quite a while.
General Von
Stormer is in trouble
with the Fuhrer at the moment.
Some suspicion of treason.
He's not really a close friend.
Actually, I hardly know him.
As a matter of fact, I don't
even like him very much.
I shall stay here,
and I shall question
the other two.
Very well.
I will make the arrangements.
All right, I won't need you.
More questions, Major?
You already asked my
name, rank and serial number.
When we get through
with you, Colonel Hogan,
you will not be
quite so insolent.
Decker is still at the hotel.
I hope they got better
room service than this joint.
Unfortunately, I can't
give you special privileges.
That's all right. We're
moving tomorrow.
I arranged for Carter
and Newkirk to go with us.
What about Klink?
I talked him into staying here
and continue questioning
LeBeau and Kinchloe.
Must've done a
pretty good selling job.
He's an egomaniac and a creep.
And you hardly know him.
What's the plan? I'll
brief you tomorrow.
I don't want to
stay here too long.
Morrison?
You got more guts than
a Philadelphia lawyer.
And why not?
I am Major Hans Temple,
Military Intelligence.
Please, don't scare me
any more than is
absolutely necessary.
An ambulance, Major?
We have found it the best way
to transport prisoners
around Berlin.
Has the right of way,
and no one can see inside.
Very interesting.
I must remember that,
if we ever have an
ambulance at Stalag 13.
Now, there shouldn't
be any trouble
getting into the hotel.
You're a medical unit.
You're here to check his room.
We shouldn't have
any trouble, but we may.
I've got trouble right now.
I think it's called "panic."
Not me. I'm just plain scared.
Now once we get
into Decker's room,
we put him to sleep immediately.
And then Newkirk and
Carter carry him out
on a stretcher to the ambulance?
Right. Down these back stairs.
Now, as soon as Hogan and
I join you in the ambulance,
we'll drive to the Stalag
13 truck, put Decker into it,
take him back to camp and
start him on his way to England.
Any questions?
Yeah, you said
"put him to sleep."
You got a degree in hypnotism?
Glad you brought that up, sir.
You know, a lot of people
resist sleep during the day.
He's a bloody genius.
Now, we'll talk to
Decker for a few minutes,
put him at ease.
And then as we leave,
I'll shake his hand.
I'll be wearing this ring.
There's a tiny
needle on the band.
When depressed, it releases
a drug, sodium thiophene.
Works almost instantly.
Puts you to sleep
for about 12 hours.
Diabolical.
Morrison, will you
do me a favor?
If we ever meet on the street,
don't shake my hand, just nod.
Your, uh... name is not
familiar to me, Major Teppel.
You did say you
are with the Abwehr.
How did you know I was here?
Well, the Abwehr
has its connections
to other intelligence
services, Herr Decker.
I see.
Well, what do you want?
What are they doing
in there, serving tea?
We're supposed to be calm.
We're in the medical corps.
Ah, thank you very much,
Florence Nightingale.
Ah, we were hoping that you
might spare us an hour or two.
There are a few questions
we would like to ask you
about the Polish
communication system.
You can understand
our curiosity.
Oh, of course.
But, uh...
you must understand
that I work for the Gestapo.
My orders are to
report to them first.
To General Schellenberg.
Oh?
You know that, too.
In any case, I'll
need his approval.
Oh, I'm sure he'll
give you his consent.
Thank you very
much, Herr Decker.
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
Wha-wh-what's happening?
Five, six, seven.
Happy landing!
Let's go.
Newkirk, Carter? Come on.
Get him on there.
Quick... here!
Watch that, Carter. Okay.
Here we go, Okay?
Gorblimey.
I use anesthesia all the time.
Ready? Come on. Spread it out.
We can do that outside.
Quiet, quiet.
He's a very easy
patient to handle, sir.
No trouble at all.
All right, take him
down to the ambulance,
and put him in the
back and wait for us.
Right. Anybody questions you,
tell them you're under
orders from Major Teppel.
I will do that, sir. Right!
Go on, Carter.
Maps, battle plans,
a list of our agents in Europe.
The works.
This is why we
got to get Decker.
Well, we got him.
Well, I can tell you now,
I had a little protection
set up for us.
Protection?
See the car across the street?
Two men changing a tire?
Yeah, I see it. He's got a rifle
and a perfect shot at
the front of the hotel.
So, if we didn't get
Decker, they would.
They got orders not to
miss the man carrying this.
I like the way you
hedge your bets.
I had to be sure.
Decker must be in the
ambulance. Let's go.
This is Herr Decker's room.
It is.
Who are you?
Hans Teppel, Abwehr.
You have business
with Herr Decker?
We're friends. I
heard he was in town...
You heard... he was in town?
Well, we try to keep up
with all the latest news.
If you'll wait a minute,
I'll tell Decker you're here.
I'll tell him myself.
Hans, I thought you'd gone.
I was on my way out...
Herr Decker?
Captain Metzger,
Colonel Braun's aide.
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
Colonel Braun is
waiting in the lobby, sir,
to escort you to
General Schellenberg.
Very good.
Tell him I'll be down
as soon as I dress.
My orders were to accompany you.
Captain, I made it all the
way from England on my own.
As far as I can tell,
my legs are still
in working order.
Tell the Colonel I'll be
down as soon as I dress.
Jawohl.
At once.
Heil Hitler.
Hans, it's good-bye again.
Ah, yes, I'm a hard
man to get rid of.
Mm-hmm.
Ever seen a grown
man faint? Watch.
We got trouble.
No kidding!
He thinks I'm Decker.
You're going to have to go
down and meet Colonel Braun.
I'll get you away from
him as soon as I can.
Suppose you get tied up.
Suppose you meet
a girl or something.
You got any better ideas?
Yeah, I'm going to go up
to the roof and fly away,
and I don't need a plane.
There's no other way.
Does the general
or this Kraut colonel
know Decker by sight?
I'm not sure.
Well, that's great.
That is great!
If they know him, they
arrest me in the lobby,
hold a trial right
there and shoot me!
Or, if I'm lucky,
and I get past the
killers in the lobby,
I walk out as
Decker in his clothes
with his briefcase.
Those two beauties
working on the car
across the street
have orders not to miss.
I'm a loser either way!
I know.
I'm up the creek!
I don't have a boat, I
don't have a paddle!
I don't even have a creek!
Take it easy. I'll
take care of them.
Before they take care of me?
Don't worry, I'll make
sure they don't fire.
Keep talking, Morrison.
My pulse may start again.
But I must get back
to my headquarters, Colonel.
We will let you go as
soon as we can, Major.
Be patient.
But I'm due at a meeting
with Admiral Keness.
He doesn't like
to be kept waiting.
I'm sure he'll understand.
Please give him my regards.
Colonel, it is Herr Decker.
Herr Decker, Colonel Braun.
A very great pleasure.
Heil Hitler. Colonel Braun.
Uh, have we met before?
You tell me.
No, I think not.
Good.
I mean, it's always good
meeting new friends.
Hans, what are you doing here?
Oh, they wouldn't
let me out of the hotel.
Security.
No one in or out.
Colonel's orders.
You didn't make
contact with our friends?
How could I?
The Major is a
very impatient man.
I just remembered I left
my cigarettes upstairs.
Oh, allow me.
I-I'm expecting a very
important phone call
from a lovely fraulein.
General Schellenberg is waiting.
I left the tub running?
No one keeps General
Schellenberg waiting.
Well, good-bye.
For the last time.
Ooh, I hope not.
Uh, I'll be with you
in just a moment.
Allow me.
Danke.
Uh, Herr Decker!
There is Decker.
The one with the briefcase.
Uh, the shot came
from over there.
Hurry. I'll get a doctor.
Jawohl.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
All right.
Hold it. Okay.
Easy.
Oh, they weigh a ton.
There we are.
Nice and cozy, eh?
Yeah, a lower berth all his own.
For Pete sakes, is he
going to ride in there
all the way back to camp?
With no change of train.
What if he wakes up?
Ask him for his ticket.
Out!
Okay, the luggage is all aboard.
Nice going, men.
You will keep us
in mind for any, uh,
ambulance work
in the future, sir?
Now, I'll turn
you over to Klink,
and you'll be back in Stalag 13
tonight with your luggage.
Don't think it hasn't been
fun, because it hasn't.
I couldn't have
swung it without you.
But if you're ever
back in Berlin again...
Thanks. It's a nice
place to have a war,
but I'd hate to live here.
Good luck, Hogan.
The ring.
I never sleep in the
middle of the day.
Colonel, I made
contact with the sub.
The rendezvous' in 48
hours, the usual place.
Right, Kinch.
Oh, and London says,
"Well done, old chap."
Makes it all worthwhile.
I'm not there yet, Hogan.
You will be, Decker.
You're going to
travel as a prisoner
with these two guards,
and if you try anything,
they have orders
to shoot to kill.
That's the truth.
I wrote the orders meself.
LeBEAU: Hey, Colonel?
Schultz is looking for you.
Klink wants you in his office.
Doesn't he know I'm busy?
Carry on.
Major Teppel was kind
enough to send me this transcript
of the interrogation in Berlin.
Did he spell my name right?
"Question to Colonel Hogan.
"What are the
conditions at Stalag 13?
Are you well-treated?"
"Answer by Hogan.
"Colonel Klink is a very
humane commandant
who tries to make
prison life bearable."
Hogan, did you say that?
Yes, I did, sir. Has
a nice sound to it.
How dare you
undermine me in Berlin.
Why, I thought
that's what you want...
"Humane commandant."
"Prison life bearable."
Are you trying to
destroy my career?
Do you want me to
be a colonel forever?
I'm sorry, sir.
You're not going to get
away with that, I promise.
Look, I know you're a rat,
and you know you're a rat.
Then why didn't you say so?
Well, I thought
it was our secret!