Hogan's Heroes (1965–1971): Season 3, Episode 20 - Sticky Wicket Newkirk - full transcript
Newkirk sneaks a beautiful woman into camp who turns out to be a Gestapo agent.
Coming, Liebchen?
I'm here.
Ah! And so lovely.
You like me?
I'm wild for you.
And how about me?
I like everything about
you, except your accent.
You're English, no?
I do not mind.
A flier, perhaps, trying
to get out of Germany?
Well, I...
I was a flier, yes.
You should be more
careful, you know.
The next barmaid you pick
up may be more patriotic than I.
Oh, and you're not?
No.
It's all so stupid.
The Thousand Year
Reich... The saluting,
the cheering, the war.
Are you from Stalag 6?
Why do you ask?
Oh, it's common knowledge.
18 fliers broke
out two days ago.
Oh, I'd heard about that, yes.
Good.
You're being more careful now.
Admit nothing and talk to
no more strange women.
Well, one at a
time's enough, love.
To this moment.
Not yesterday, not tomorrow.
Who knows what this
stupid war will do to us?
To the moment.
With you all the way, love.
Um... before we get down
to more personal things,
which really can't
be too soon for me...
Yes?
You wouldn't have heard
any more about those boys
out of Stalag 6, would you?
The other boys or just the boys?
Call it what you will.
No, I have not.
Now can we be more personal?
Your identity papers, schnell.
If I don't have any?
Then you have a choice.
Tell us who you are or be
shot as a spy without trial.
Not much of a choice, mates.
Corporal Newkirk,
on 24 hours leave, you
might say, from Stalag 13.
Out.
We will take you
back to Stalag 13.
Wait!
Please, wait.
You, Fräulein, we
will deal with you later.
Don't take him back!
Please, do not take him back!
For the moment,
love, it was nice.
Welcome back, Newkirk.
Hogan, will your men never learn
that no one escapes
from Stalag 13?
Intellectually, sir,
they know that,
but emotionally,
they still hope.
They still hope, huh?
Well, Newkirk, we'll
put an end to that hope.
Usual punishment, sir?
30 days in the cooler?
No.
This time, there will
be no punishment.
That's awfully
decent of you, sir.
Not at all.
Schultz, take him away.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
To Stalag 6.
Stalag... 6?
Six, sir?
I, uh... I trust
that's the commandant's
well-known sense of fun
coming to the fore again.
Not quite, Hogan.
I'm instituting a
new policy of transfer
for any infractions
of the rules...
Permanent transfer.
In other words, Hogan,
I'm breaking up that
old gang of yours.
You wouldn't consider
60 days in the cooler, sir?
Commandant...
the men love you, sir.
You're a father image.
Newkirk here comes
from a broken home.
He identifies
very strongly, sir.
I do, I do.
Not another word...
I've made up my mind.
Take him away.
Sir, in leaving, I'd just
like to quote something
I told me dear old
dad on a like occasion.
Yes.
You give me a
ruddy, shooting pain...
Colonel, we got ten men
from Stalag 6
down in the tunnel.
They got through.
What about the other eight?
Not yet, not yet.
Captain Anderson reporting, sir.
What about the rest of your men?
We separated, Colonel.
I'm, uh...
I'm kind of afraid they
may have been caught.
You were all headed here?
Yes, sir.
Let's just hope nobody talks.
All right, continue
on the processing.
We want to get these guys
under way as soon as we can.
We'll do our best, Colonel,
but we're shorthanded
without Newkirk.
Did he get the full 30 days?
No, he got
transferred to Stalag 6.
What?
But they cannot do that.
They did it.
Well, we'll just break
him out of there,
and we'll keep him down
in the tunnel for a year or so
till they forget about him.
Hold it.
There's nothing
we can do... nothing.
There is always something
we can do, mon colonel.
Well, at the moment,
I don't know what it is.
Newkirk picked the
wrong time to get caught.
We got a mission under way.
Schultz and Newkirk.
All right, Anderson,
in the tunnel.
Right, sir.
Hello, mates.
Hey, Newkirk,
you're looking great.
Yeah, what a break, huh?
I mean, no 30
days in the cooler.
You're looking just great.
Formidable.
I'm done in, mates, that's all.
Done in.
The prisoner has two minutes
to gather his personal belongings.
Order of the commandant.
Will you dry up?
What did I say now?
I'm sorry.
Would you mind waiting outside?
My orders on that
point are very specific.
Under no circumstances
am I to permit...
I'll wait outside.
Colonel, no chance
that old Klink'd change
his mind, is there?
Maybe, but I
wouldn't count on it.
Well, we did have
some fun, didn't we?
Yeah.
Tough luck, old buddy.
Thanks.
I sort of always thought
that when the Allied tanks
rolled up in front of the gates,
we'd all be here together.
I just always thought that.
Allez! Bonne chance,
mon ami, bonne chance.
Bye-bye, Louie.
Yeah, we'll all get together
after the war in London, huh?
Sure, all of us in London.
Okay, Andrew.
Colonel...
thank you for everything.
Newkirk, there's no
chance to get you back here,
but we're not going to
let you rot in Stalag 6.
After you leave here, use this.
Take the escape route
to England, understand?
Yes, sir.
You know, sir, I
can't help worrying
about that girl they
grabbed me with.
Do you think
they're holding her?
Don't do anything
about the girl.
Head for England.
Right, sir, right.
Time is up.
Well, mates, when
the going gets rough
and old Schultz here
gets hard and cruel,
just step in and win one
for old Newkirk, right?
Good-bye.
Take it easy now.
Take it easy.
You transferred him?
Klink, who told
you to transfer him?
No one, Major Hochstetter.
Just, at the time,
it seemed like a
terribly good idea.
It was a completely
idiotic idea.
The Gestapo must
question this man.
What was he doing in
Hammelburg in civilian clothes?
What, Klink?!
Well, sir...
I think I need a little bit more
time to think about that one.
I do not want you to
think about anything.
I just want you to get
the prisoner Newkirk
back here at once!
Excellent idea,
Major Hochstetter.
It'll solve the whole problem.
Get me Stalag 6,
Colonel Mühlenberger.
Herr Kommandant,
I beg to report...
Not now, Schultz.
I beg to...
Please, Schultz.
Mühlenberger...
Klink here.
Yes, about that
transfer we arranged...
The British corporal, Newkirk.
I'd like to discuss that
with you, mm-hmm.
I beg to report,
Herr Kommandant,
it will not be necessary to
talk to Colonel Mühlenberger.
Just a moment, Colonel.
Schultz, what is
the matter with you?
Don't you see that I'm
talking on the phone...
Schultz, what are
you doing here?
You were taking
Newkirk to Stalag 6.
Entirely correct,
sir, I was, but...
I didn't get there.
What?
Herr Kommandant,
just one mile from here,
Newkirk produced a gun...
Such an enormous
gun, you have no idea!
Klink!
Your prisoners walk
around with guns?
Of course not,
Major Hochstetter.
Mühlenberger, I'll
have to call you back.
Schultz, just
before you left here,
you searched him, didn't you?
You searched him!
I think I can say almost
positively that I believe so.
Schultz!
Anything wrong, sir?
Hogan, get out of here.
I want that man in here!
My feelings exactly,
Major Hochstetter.
Colonel Hogan,
we have crossed swords before,
and I have had my
suspicions about you,
but now my feeling
is much stronger.
I'm glad you finally
cleared me, sir.
Not exactly.
18 men have
escaped from Stalag 6.
Eight of them I've recaptured.
Excellent work,
Major Hochstetter,
but may I point out to you
that here at Stalag 13
we have no such problem?
Never an escape,
never so much as, as, as, as...
until today, sir, but that
was an official transfer.
Of the eight men I
captured, one talked.
He claims they were
all heading for Stalag 13.
Would you have any idea why?
Bad sense of direction?
I do not think so.
Major Hochstetter, why
would escaped prisoners
be headed for
another prison camp?
That is exactly what
I intend to find out.
I shall surround this
camp with a ring of steel.
Anyone trying to
get out will be caught.
Anyone trying to
get in will be caught.
Major Hochstetter, rest assured,
you have my
complete cooperation.
I do not want your
cooperation, Klink.
All I want from you is
to stop giving
guns to prisoners.
I will deal with
all of you... later!
Major Hochstetter, may I
point out my relationship...
with the Gestapo is the
most cordial... cordial.
Someone wants to come up.
I gave orders they
were to stay down.
LeBEAU: Newkirk!
I forgot me toothbrush, sir.
You couldn't live
without us, huh?
You were on your way to England.
I am, sir.
Still am, as a matter of fact.
Well?
Well, uh... I sort of had
an obligation to Gretel, sir.
That's the girl who was with me
in Hammelburg when
they picked me up.
I just wanted to make
sure she was all right.
So you stopped
off in Hammelburg.
Uh... yes, sir.
She's a wonderful
girl... Gretel.
Marvelous sort of qualities,
if you know what I mean.
Good, I'd like to
meet her sometime.
So what happened?
You're not just
saying that, sir?
You'd really like to meet her?
Newkirk, what are
you trying to tell me?
Well, actually,
sir, she wanted me
to help her move to
another place, you see,
because the police
were watching her there.
Well, when we did, the
Gestapo boys got on our trail.
While I was trying
to give them the slip,
we sort of found
ourselves at the...
You want to meet
the Colonel, Gretel?
Here she is.
Look at that.
Whoo-hoo!
What a beautiful girl!
You brought her
in from the outside
all the way through the tunnel?
Uh... yes, sir, I did, yes.
She saw everything
we have down below?
Yes, it was fascinating.
I never thought it possible.
You're a great man,
Colonel Hogan...
A very great man.
Of course, he has had help.
We can get acquainted later.
Right now, we've got a problem.
Hochstetter has a few hundred
Gestapo around Stalag 13,
and we've got ten
prisoners to get out.
And what will you
do then, Colonel?
I've got a plan.
Excuse me.
Oh, isn't that clever?
You like it?
Now... here.
This is the interior
of the compound.
That's Colonel
Klink's office there.
We're over here.
Now, the plan is this.
A company of airborne
makes a parachute drop here.
Inside the camp?
Inside the camp.
In the confusion,
the ten escapees
will come up and join them.
And they all fight their
way through the fence here,
where they're picked
up by transport planes
that land in the field here.
Colonel, you are joking.
I like it.
Open the door!
Schultz!
All right, stand back
against the wall.
Stay out of sight as
much as possible.
Open the door!
Open the door!
I'm going to count till three.
If you don't open the
door, I'm going to break in.
One... two... three!
Who was holding the door?
I want to know!
No one, Schultz.
It sticks in the warm weather.
But it's freezing outside.
It's a pleasure to
see your mind work.
No compliments, Colonel Hogan.
I have bad trouble,
and I think it's because of you.
Where did Newkirk get the gun?
You will tell me everything.
Of course we will, Schultz.
Now, come over here.
Ah! No, no.
From now on, I
have only one rule.
If you ask me to go
over there, I go over here.
Right, Newkirk?
Right, Schultz.
Because it has
been my experience,
whenever you ask
me to do something,
it is much better for me...
Newkirk?
Sorry, Schultz,
tried to save you.
Save me?
I've recaptured him.
Tracked him through the snow.
Tracked him through the snow,
under great hardship
and great danger,
till finally, finally...
Found him in his own barracks.
How did he get there, Schultz?
I don't know how he get there.
I don't care how he get there.
The most important
thing for me is...
Come here.
I leave it up to you.
It is more important for...
It's a girl.
Explain that, Schultz,
especially to Hochstetter.
I see nothing.
I hear nothing.
I see nothing!
Halt! Ein Moment.
Who said that?
I did.
You will wait.
Why?
Because I'm going with you
to the office of the
commandant with my report.
Come.
She was on their side,
and you showed her everything.
Nice going, old buddy.
But she seemed so sincere-like.
Everybody down
in the tunnel, sir?
No.
Oh, that's right.
First, we have to warn
those parachute troops.
There aren't any
parachute troops.
You knew she was
a spy all along, huh?
I didn't know.
That's why I had
to play it safe.
Carter, get on a
Luftwaffe uniform.
You're going to be a general.
Yes, sir.
Newkirk, get down in the tunnel.
Right, sir.
After you get down there,
set off the explosives that
closes up this entrance,
and let's just hope the
barracks doesn't go down with it.
Right, Colonel.
After you set off
the explosives,
get the ten men
out the other end.
Hochstetter will pull
the Gestapo in the camp.
The way will be clear.
Do I go out with them, sir?
No, you'll wait a while,
then turn yourself
in at the main gate.
Oh, great! I can talk me way
out of anything with old Klink.
Yeah, but you won't
be so lucky with us.
Get going.
Yes, sir.
Major Hochstetter,
may I assure you
that everything this woman
has reported is impossible...
Completely impossible.
Are you calling a
Gestapo informant a liar?
Why would I do
a thing like that?
Because your head
is in the noose, Klink.
You have been running a
country home for prairie dogs.
They dig while you sleep.
Wake up, Klink.
Enjoy the little
time you have left.
Major Hochstetter, I shall...
certainly try.
With a tunnel entrance
right in his own barracks,
I would certainly think, Major,
that this fat one over here
will have some knowledge.
Ordinarily it is
true, Herr Major,
but I have signed certificates
from all of my
teachers that I...
Whatever you know,
I will get it out of you later.
I want men to go with
me to that barracks.
Pick Skrobar, Schabitz
and Gunn, schnell!
Immediately, Herr Major.
And now, Klink...
What was that?
The airborne
attack... It has begun.
It is nothing, Klink!
Nothing?
I thought you did not
believe our informant.
Major Hochstetter, I was
merely indicating to you
that sometimes these
things are difficult to accept.
You said impossible.
The difficult, I
believe immediately.
The impossible sometimes
takes a little longer.
Schultz, will you get up?
It's disgraceful.
Achtung!
Uh-huh... the end of
the trail, Colonel Hogan.
How's that again, Major?
We have come for a look at
your downstairs apartment.
You will show us the way?
You've been listening
to rumors again.
Something a little
more substantial.
Open the secret
passage, my dear.
Of course, Major Hochstetter.
Right this way.
I saw them activate it from
a hidden panel on this bunk.
Colonel Hogan, that you
were able to operate for so long
is a tribute to the stupidity
of your beloved commandant.
Or is it complicity, Klink?
No, indeed, Major.
Stupidity.
That's entirely
correct, Herr Major.
Well?
I... I was sure it was
right here, Major.
Are you sure this is
the bunk they lift up?
Yes.
This bunk out.
Chop through the floor.
Use your axes.
It's better that way.
It has the Gestapo touch.
Quiet!
Chop!
What's going on here?
No one calls
attention for a general?
What kind of army is this?
Achtung!
Thank you.
And you, Major Hochstetter,
the Gestapo is now
conducting bunk inspections?
Time is heavy on your hands, ja?
I do not believe I know you.
It is your business to know me.
I am Luftwaffe
General Von Siedelburg.
Ask Klink.
He knows me.
Certainly I know you,
General Siedelburg.
I am in charge of security
of all Luftwaffe
prisoner-of-war camps.
I have been looking
for you, Hochstetter.
What are you doing here
besides inspecting bunks?
I have uncovered a giant plot
in one of your camps, General.
Ten of the escapees
from Stalag 6...
The other eight of
whom I have captured...
Are down below us in a tunnel.
The prisoners here
equip them with money,
papers and clothing
and send them
out of the country.
Is that correct, Klink?
Well, I...
I've been watchfully
waiting, sir.
Good.
Show us your tunnel.
Well?
There is nothing
but dirt, Herr Major.
So?
What do you do in dirt, eh?
You dig.
Dig!
Jawohl, Herr Major.
Bunk inspection
and now gardening?
We will find the tunnel.
Do not worry.
I have stopped worrying.
Perhaps you should start.
The chart...
Where is the chart
showing the parachute drop?
It's right over here, Major.
Show me.
Excuse me.
Dig!
There it is.
Aha!
Just a minute, Major.
To us, this is almost
sacred ground.
Out of the way, Hogan.
Happy digging.
Well, Klink, how do
you explain this, huh?
What is this?
You do not know, Major?
There was a chart, Major.
I am sure.
Of how many things can
you be so sure that are not so?
I must defend her.
The information she
has brought us on you
has been most accurate.
What information?
Oh, mostly black
market, a little extortion,
a few more personal matters.
No.
No, it isn't true.
I'm defending you.
Does that complete
your investigation, Major?
You will come with me
for intensive questioning.
Take her away.
And what of the ten escapees?
The trail grows cold
while you're here
with your gardening and
looking at girlie pictures, huh?
They will be caught.
At least you have confidence.
Klink...
Oh, yes, General, I am so
glad that the general knows now
that these rumors about
Stalag 13 are totally unfounded.
Klink, take a lesson from
what happened at Stalag 6.
Too many prisoners transferred.
Too many prisoners transferred.
Hmm, stirred them up.
I'm sending their commandant
to the Russian front.
Rest assured, General...
Don't shout.
It has always been my policy,
it always will be my policy...
No transfers.
Hmm.
What about Newkirk?
Forget it.
I shall keep my eye on
you, Major Hochstetter.
And I will keep my
eye on you, Hogan.
You have not
heard the last of this.
Stop digging!
Do you have anything to say
in your own defense,
Corporal Newkirk?
Yes, sir, I have.
In the first place,
even though I've
talked old Klink
into letting me back in,
I still got 30 days in the
cooler hanging over me head.
So?
In the second place,
even though I broke security
by bringing that girl
in through the tunnel,
I plead extenuating
circumstances, as it were.
As it were what?
Ah...
Sir, I put it to you this way.
Here I am, one of the
most knowledgeable
concerning the female sex,
and yet I completely
misread the character
of the first female I
came in contact with.
What's the answer?
Lack of practice.
Cooped up in this box, day after
day, with no contact whatsoever,
a man goes to seed.
What's my plea?
Don't indict me;
indict the system.
Newkirk, you made a point.
I did, sir?
You exposed a basic weakness.
From now on, rotating
weekend passes in Hammelburg.
You first, LeBeau,
then Kinch, then Carter.
Thank you, sir.
Great.
I'm going to go to the zoo.
Uh... sir, as it was my idea,
do you think I might get
a little something out of it?
Oh, you will,
Newkirk, you will...
The satisfaction of knowing
you're making these men better,
well rounded, more
balanced fighting men.
Well, it's about all a man
can hope for, isn't it, Colonel?
I'm here.
Ah! And so lovely.
You like me?
I'm wild for you.
And how about me?
I like everything about
you, except your accent.
You're English, no?
I do not mind.
A flier, perhaps, trying
to get out of Germany?
Well, I...
I was a flier, yes.
You should be more
careful, you know.
The next barmaid you pick
up may be more patriotic than I.
Oh, and you're not?
No.
It's all so stupid.
The Thousand Year
Reich... The saluting,
the cheering, the war.
Are you from Stalag 6?
Why do you ask?
Oh, it's common knowledge.
18 fliers broke
out two days ago.
Oh, I'd heard about that, yes.
Good.
You're being more careful now.
Admit nothing and talk to
no more strange women.
Well, one at a
time's enough, love.
To this moment.
Not yesterday, not tomorrow.
Who knows what this
stupid war will do to us?
To the moment.
With you all the way, love.
Um... before we get down
to more personal things,
which really can't
be too soon for me...
Yes?
You wouldn't have heard
any more about those boys
out of Stalag 6, would you?
The other boys or just the boys?
Call it what you will.
No, I have not.
Now can we be more personal?
Your identity papers, schnell.
If I don't have any?
Then you have a choice.
Tell us who you are or be
shot as a spy without trial.
Not much of a choice, mates.
Corporal Newkirk,
on 24 hours leave, you
might say, from Stalag 13.
Out.
We will take you
back to Stalag 13.
Wait!
Please, wait.
You, Fräulein, we
will deal with you later.
Don't take him back!
Please, do not take him back!
For the moment,
love, it was nice.
Welcome back, Newkirk.
Hogan, will your men never learn
that no one escapes
from Stalag 13?
Intellectually, sir,
they know that,
but emotionally,
they still hope.
They still hope, huh?
Well, Newkirk, we'll
put an end to that hope.
Usual punishment, sir?
30 days in the cooler?
No.
This time, there will
be no punishment.
That's awfully
decent of you, sir.
Not at all.
Schultz, take him away.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
To Stalag 6.
Stalag... 6?
Six, sir?
I, uh... I trust
that's the commandant's
well-known sense of fun
coming to the fore again.
Not quite, Hogan.
I'm instituting a
new policy of transfer
for any infractions
of the rules...
Permanent transfer.
In other words, Hogan,
I'm breaking up that
old gang of yours.
You wouldn't consider
60 days in the cooler, sir?
Commandant...
the men love you, sir.
You're a father image.
Newkirk here comes
from a broken home.
He identifies
very strongly, sir.
I do, I do.
Not another word...
I've made up my mind.
Take him away.
Sir, in leaving, I'd just
like to quote something
I told me dear old
dad on a like occasion.
Yes.
You give me a
ruddy, shooting pain...
Colonel, we got ten men
from Stalag 6
down in the tunnel.
They got through.
What about the other eight?
Not yet, not yet.
Captain Anderson reporting, sir.
What about the rest of your men?
We separated, Colonel.
I'm, uh...
I'm kind of afraid they
may have been caught.
You were all headed here?
Yes, sir.
Let's just hope nobody talks.
All right, continue
on the processing.
We want to get these guys
under way as soon as we can.
We'll do our best, Colonel,
but we're shorthanded
without Newkirk.
Did he get the full 30 days?
No, he got
transferred to Stalag 6.
What?
But they cannot do that.
They did it.
Well, we'll just break
him out of there,
and we'll keep him down
in the tunnel for a year or so
till they forget about him.
Hold it.
There's nothing
we can do... nothing.
There is always something
we can do, mon colonel.
Well, at the moment,
I don't know what it is.
Newkirk picked the
wrong time to get caught.
We got a mission under way.
Schultz and Newkirk.
All right, Anderson,
in the tunnel.
Right, sir.
Hello, mates.
Hey, Newkirk,
you're looking great.
Yeah, what a break, huh?
I mean, no 30
days in the cooler.
You're looking just great.
Formidable.
I'm done in, mates, that's all.
Done in.
The prisoner has two minutes
to gather his personal belongings.
Order of the commandant.
Will you dry up?
What did I say now?
I'm sorry.
Would you mind waiting outside?
My orders on that
point are very specific.
Under no circumstances
am I to permit...
I'll wait outside.
Colonel, no chance
that old Klink'd change
his mind, is there?
Maybe, but I
wouldn't count on it.
Well, we did have
some fun, didn't we?
Yeah.
Tough luck, old buddy.
Thanks.
I sort of always thought
that when the Allied tanks
rolled up in front of the gates,
we'd all be here together.
I just always thought that.
Allez! Bonne chance,
mon ami, bonne chance.
Bye-bye, Louie.
Yeah, we'll all get together
after the war in London, huh?
Sure, all of us in London.
Okay, Andrew.
Colonel...
thank you for everything.
Newkirk, there's no
chance to get you back here,
but we're not going to
let you rot in Stalag 6.
After you leave here, use this.
Take the escape route
to England, understand?
Yes, sir.
You know, sir, I
can't help worrying
about that girl they
grabbed me with.
Do you think
they're holding her?
Don't do anything
about the girl.
Head for England.
Right, sir, right.
Time is up.
Well, mates, when
the going gets rough
and old Schultz here
gets hard and cruel,
just step in and win one
for old Newkirk, right?
Good-bye.
Take it easy now.
Take it easy.
You transferred him?
Klink, who told
you to transfer him?
No one, Major Hochstetter.
Just, at the time,
it seemed like a
terribly good idea.
It was a completely
idiotic idea.
The Gestapo must
question this man.
What was he doing in
Hammelburg in civilian clothes?
What, Klink?!
Well, sir...
I think I need a little bit more
time to think about that one.
I do not want you to
think about anything.
I just want you to get
the prisoner Newkirk
back here at once!
Excellent idea,
Major Hochstetter.
It'll solve the whole problem.
Get me Stalag 6,
Colonel Mühlenberger.
Herr Kommandant,
I beg to report...
Not now, Schultz.
I beg to...
Please, Schultz.
Mühlenberger...
Klink here.
Yes, about that
transfer we arranged...
The British corporal, Newkirk.
I'd like to discuss that
with you, mm-hmm.
I beg to report,
Herr Kommandant,
it will not be necessary to
talk to Colonel Mühlenberger.
Just a moment, Colonel.
Schultz, what is
the matter with you?
Don't you see that I'm
talking on the phone...
Schultz, what are
you doing here?
You were taking
Newkirk to Stalag 6.
Entirely correct,
sir, I was, but...
I didn't get there.
What?
Herr Kommandant,
just one mile from here,
Newkirk produced a gun...
Such an enormous
gun, you have no idea!
Klink!
Your prisoners walk
around with guns?
Of course not,
Major Hochstetter.
Mühlenberger, I'll
have to call you back.
Schultz, just
before you left here,
you searched him, didn't you?
You searched him!
I think I can say almost
positively that I believe so.
Schultz!
Anything wrong, sir?
Hogan, get out of here.
I want that man in here!
My feelings exactly,
Major Hochstetter.
Colonel Hogan,
we have crossed swords before,
and I have had my
suspicions about you,
but now my feeling
is much stronger.
I'm glad you finally
cleared me, sir.
Not exactly.
18 men have
escaped from Stalag 6.
Eight of them I've recaptured.
Excellent work,
Major Hochstetter,
but may I point out to you
that here at Stalag 13
we have no such problem?
Never an escape,
never so much as, as, as, as...
until today, sir, but that
was an official transfer.
Of the eight men I
captured, one talked.
He claims they were
all heading for Stalag 13.
Would you have any idea why?
Bad sense of direction?
I do not think so.
Major Hochstetter, why
would escaped prisoners
be headed for
another prison camp?
That is exactly what
I intend to find out.
I shall surround this
camp with a ring of steel.
Anyone trying to
get out will be caught.
Anyone trying to
get in will be caught.
Major Hochstetter, rest assured,
you have my
complete cooperation.
I do not want your
cooperation, Klink.
All I want from you is
to stop giving
guns to prisoners.
I will deal with
all of you... later!
Major Hochstetter, may I
point out my relationship...
with the Gestapo is the
most cordial... cordial.
Someone wants to come up.
I gave orders they
were to stay down.
LeBEAU: Newkirk!
I forgot me toothbrush, sir.
You couldn't live
without us, huh?
You were on your way to England.
I am, sir.
Still am, as a matter of fact.
Well?
Well, uh... I sort of had
an obligation to Gretel, sir.
That's the girl who was with me
in Hammelburg when
they picked me up.
I just wanted to make
sure she was all right.
So you stopped
off in Hammelburg.
Uh... yes, sir.
She's a wonderful
girl... Gretel.
Marvelous sort of qualities,
if you know what I mean.
Good, I'd like to
meet her sometime.
So what happened?
You're not just
saying that, sir?
You'd really like to meet her?
Newkirk, what are
you trying to tell me?
Well, actually,
sir, she wanted me
to help her move to
another place, you see,
because the police
were watching her there.
Well, when we did, the
Gestapo boys got on our trail.
While I was trying
to give them the slip,
we sort of found
ourselves at the...
You want to meet
the Colonel, Gretel?
Here she is.
Look at that.
Whoo-hoo!
What a beautiful girl!
You brought her
in from the outside
all the way through the tunnel?
Uh... yes, sir, I did, yes.
She saw everything
we have down below?
Yes, it was fascinating.
I never thought it possible.
You're a great man,
Colonel Hogan...
A very great man.
Of course, he has had help.
We can get acquainted later.
Right now, we've got a problem.
Hochstetter has a few hundred
Gestapo around Stalag 13,
and we've got ten
prisoners to get out.
And what will you
do then, Colonel?
I've got a plan.
Excuse me.
Oh, isn't that clever?
You like it?
Now... here.
This is the interior
of the compound.
That's Colonel
Klink's office there.
We're over here.
Now, the plan is this.
A company of airborne
makes a parachute drop here.
Inside the camp?
Inside the camp.
In the confusion,
the ten escapees
will come up and join them.
And they all fight their
way through the fence here,
where they're picked
up by transport planes
that land in the field here.
Colonel, you are joking.
I like it.
Open the door!
Schultz!
All right, stand back
against the wall.
Stay out of sight as
much as possible.
Open the door!
Open the door!
I'm going to count till three.
If you don't open the
door, I'm going to break in.
One... two... three!
Who was holding the door?
I want to know!
No one, Schultz.
It sticks in the warm weather.
But it's freezing outside.
It's a pleasure to
see your mind work.
No compliments, Colonel Hogan.
I have bad trouble,
and I think it's because of you.
Where did Newkirk get the gun?
You will tell me everything.
Of course we will, Schultz.
Now, come over here.
Ah! No, no.
From now on, I
have only one rule.
If you ask me to go
over there, I go over here.
Right, Newkirk?
Right, Schultz.
Because it has
been my experience,
whenever you ask
me to do something,
it is much better for me...
Newkirk?
Sorry, Schultz,
tried to save you.
Save me?
I've recaptured him.
Tracked him through the snow.
Tracked him through the snow,
under great hardship
and great danger,
till finally, finally...
Found him in his own barracks.
How did he get there, Schultz?
I don't know how he get there.
I don't care how he get there.
The most important
thing for me is...
Come here.
I leave it up to you.
It is more important for...
It's a girl.
Explain that, Schultz,
especially to Hochstetter.
I see nothing.
I hear nothing.
I see nothing!
Halt! Ein Moment.
Who said that?
I did.
You will wait.
Why?
Because I'm going with you
to the office of the
commandant with my report.
Come.
She was on their side,
and you showed her everything.
Nice going, old buddy.
But she seemed so sincere-like.
Everybody down
in the tunnel, sir?
No.
Oh, that's right.
First, we have to warn
those parachute troops.
There aren't any
parachute troops.
You knew she was
a spy all along, huh?
I didn't know.
That's why I had
to play it safe.
Carter, get on a
Luftwaffe uniform.
You're going to be a general.
Yes, sir.
Newkirk, get down in the tunnel.
Right, sir.
After you get down there,
set off the explosives that
closes up this entrance,
and let's just hope the
barracks doesn't go down with it.
Right, Colonel.
After you set off
the explosives,
get the ten men
out the other end.
Hochstetter will pull
the Gestapo in the camp.
The way will be clear.
Do I go out with them, sir?
No, you'll wait a while,
then turn yourself
in at the main gate.
Oh, great! I can talk me way
out of anything with old Klink.
Yeah, but you won't
be so lucky with us.
Get going.
Yes, sir.
Major Hochstetter,
may I assure you
that everything this woman
has reported is impossible...
Completely impossible.
Are you calling a
Gestapo informant a liar?
Why would I do
a thing like that?
Because your head
is in the noose, Klink.
You have been running a
country home for prairie dogs.
They dig while you sleep.
Wake up, Klink.
Enjoy the little
time you have left.
Major Hochstetter, I shall...
certainly try.
With a tunnel entrance
right in his own barracks,
I would certainly think, Major,
that this fat one over here
will have some knowledge.
Ordinarily it is
true, Herr Major,
but I have signed certificates
from all of my
teachers that I...
Whatever you know,
I will get it out of you later.
I want men to go with
me to that barracks.
Pick Skrobar, Schabitz
and Gunn, schnell!
Immediately, Herr Major.
And now, Klink...
What was that?
The airborne
attack... It has begun.
It is nothing, Klink!
Nothing?
I thought you did not
believe our informant.
Major Hochstetter, I was
merely indicating to you
that sometimes these
things are difficult to accept.
You said impossible.
The difficult, I
believe immediately.
The impossible sometimes
takes a little longer.
Schultz, will you get up?
It's disgraceful.
Achtung!
Uh-huh... the end of
the trail, Colonel Hogan.
How's that again, Major?
We have come for a look at
your downstairs apartment.
You will show us the way?
You've been listening
to rumors again.
Something a little
more substantial.
Open the secret
passage, my dear.
Of course, Major Hochstetter.
Right this way.
I saw them activate it from
a hidden panel on this bunk.
Colonel Hogan, that you
were able to operate for so long
is a tribute to the stupidity
of your beloved commandant.
Or is it complicity, Klink?
No, indeed, Major.
Stupidity.
That's entirely
correct, Herr Major.
Well?
I... I was sure it was
right here, Major.
Are you sure this is
the bunk they lift up?
Yes.
This bunk out.
Chop through the floor.
Use your axes.
It's better that way.
It has the Gestapo touch.
Quiet!
Chop!
What's going on here?
No one calls
attention for a general?
What kind of army is this?
Achtung!
Thank you.
And you, Major Hochstetter,
the Gestapo is now
conducting bunk inspections?
Time is heavy on your hands, ja?
I do not believe I know you.
It is your business to know me.
I am Luftwaffe
General Von Siedelburg.
Ask Klink.
He knows me.
Certainly I know you,
General Siedelburg.
I am in charge of security
of all Luftwaffe
prisoner-of-war camps.
I have been looking
for you, Hochstetter.
What are you doing here
besides inspecting bunks?
I have uncovered a giant plot
in one of your camps, General.
Ten of the escapees
from Stalag 6...
The other eight of
whom I have captured...
Are down below us in a tunnel.
The prisoners here
equip them with money,
papers and clothing
and send them
out of the country.
Is that correct, Klink?
Well, I...
I've been watchfully
waiting, sir.
Good.
Show us your tunnel.
Well?
There is nothing
but dirt, Herr Major.
So?
What do you do in dirt, eh?
You dig.
Dig!
Jawohl, Herr Major.
Bunk inspection
and now gardening?
We will find the tunnel.
Do not worry.
I have stopped worrying.
Perhaps you should start.
The chart...
Where is the chart
showing the parachute drop?
It's right over here, Major.
Show me.
Excuse me.
Dig!
There it is.
Aha!
Just a minute, Major.
To us, this is almost
sacred ground.
Out of the way, Hogan.
Happy digging.
Well, Klink, how do
you explain this, huh?
What is this?
You do not know, Major?
There was a chart, Major.
I am sure.
Of how many things can
you be so sure that are not so?
I must defend her.
The information she
has brought us on you
has been most accurate.
What information?
Oh, mostly black
market, a little extortion,
a few more personal matters.
No.
No, it isn't true.
I'm defending you.
Does that complete
your investigation, Major?
You will come with me
for intensive questioning.
Take her away.
And what of the ten escapees?
The trail grows cold
while you're here
with your gardening and
looking at girlie pictures, huh?
They will be caught.
At least you have confidence.
Klink...
Oh, yes, General, I am so
glad that the general knows now
that these rumors about
Stalag 13 are totally unfounded.
Klink, take a lesson from
what happened at Stalag 6.
Too many prisoners transferred.
Too many prisoners transferred.
Hmm, stirred them up.
I'm sending their commandant
to the Russian front.
Rest assured, General...
Don't shout.
It has always been my policy,
it always will be my policy...
No transfers.
Hmm.
What about Newkirk?
Forget it.
I shall keep my eye on
you, Major Hochstetter.
And I will keep my
eye on you, Hogan.
You have not
heard the last of this.
Stop digging!
Do you have anything to say
in your own defense,
Corporal Newkirk?
Yes, sir, I have.
In the first place,
even though I've
talked old Klink
into letting me back in,
I still got 30 days in the
cooler hanging over me head.
So?
In the second place,
even though I broke security
by bringing that girl
in through the tunnel,
I plead extenuating
circumstances, as it were.
As it were what?
Ah...
Sir, I put it to you this way.
Here I am, one of the
most knowledgeable
concerning the female sex,
and yet I completely
misread the character
of the first female I
came in contact with.
What's the answer?
Lack of practice.
Cooped up in this box, day after
day, with no contact whatsoever,
a man goes to seed.
What's my plea?
Don't indict me;
indict the system.
Newkirk, you made a point.
I did, sir?
You exposed a basic weakness.
From now on, rotating
weekend passes in Hammelburg.
You first, LeBeau,
then Kinch, then Carter.
Thank you, sir.
Great.
I'm going to go to the zoo.
Uh... sir, as it was my idea,
do you think I might get
a little something out of it?
Oh, you will,
Newkirk, you will...
The satisfaction of knowing
you're making these men better,
well rounded, more
balanced fighting men.
Well, it's about all a man
can hope for, isn't it, Colonel?