Hogan's Heroes (1965–1971): Season 3, Episode 16 - Carter Turns Traitor - full transcript
The location of a chemical plant is the prize when Hogan gets Carter to become a traitor.
All right, one more time.
Take it from the top.
Kinch, this will be
your starting position
at the center of the compound.
Right, Colonel.
What's your weapon?
Handmade zip gun.
Correct.
Newkirk, what's
your starting position?
100 feet to the west of Kinch.
Mm-hmm. Your weapon?
Bow and arrow, sir, with
the arrow dipped in poison.
Correct. LeBeau?
Well, I start from
over there, Colonel,
60 feet south of Kinch,
and my weapon is a machete
made of an old paint can.
Good. Now, what about Schultz?
Well, when we stalk our
man, Schultz's normal position
should be about the center
of the compound
near the water tower.
He should have a
clear view of all of us.
Good.
So I'll position myself
right next to Schultz.
We start in five minutes.
Synchronize your watches.
It's now 11:16.
Any questions?
Yes.
Colonel, why do
they have to kill me?
Carter, where have you been?
We're not going to kill you.
It's an attempt to kill you.
I understand that, Colonel.
- You're playing a part.
- Yes, sir, I know.
I just don't feel the role.
It doesn't feel like me.
I mean, see, I've always thought
of myself as a pretty nice guy.
Now, all of a sudden,
I'm turning stool pigeon.
I just don't feel my motivation.
Carter, your motivation
is I'm ordering you to do it.
Yes, sir.
Do you want me to go on?
Yes, sir. Would you?
Come on, Carter. Just pipe down.
It's my neck!
Hold it! Hold it!
This is a difficult assignment.
If he wants to talk it out,
I think we should give him
all the time that he needs.
You got two minutes.
Well, I'm all for the
objective and all that,
but couldn't somebody
else play the traitor?
What in the world does he want?
I don't understand. All right.
Let's examine it.
Now...
we have received
word from London
that they think the
Germans are up to something
in chemical warfare, right?
Right.
London wants the location
of the factory turning it out.
Who here knows anything
at all about chemical warfare?
Who else could
convince the Germans
that he was in chemical warfare
before he was captured?
Who else could get on the inside
and find out the
location of that factory?
Who?
You really think I
can do that, Colonel?
No. It's just that we
don't have anyone else.
Get ready to move out.
Let's go.
Hi, Schultz.
Hi.
Talk to you a minute?
Colonel Hogan, I'd rather not.
Really?
Oh, right now, I'm dreaming
about a beautiful meal
my wife is going to
cook for me tonight,
if, by some miracle,
between now and then,
she turns out to be a good cook.
And whenever you talk
to me, Colonel Hogan,
I always get into
some kind of trouble.
Therefore, I'd rather not.
I'm glad you feel
that way, Schultz.
Actually, it's a
question of ethics.
Take it to the chaplain.
You don't understand.
Now, I've heard a
rumor that one of the men
in my command may
defect to the Germans.
Why would he want
to do a thing like that?
A quirk.
Now, the problem is,
some of the other prisoners
may try to kill him before
he goes over to your side.
He's better off dead.
What kind of loyalty
is that, Schultz?
I said nothing. Nothing!
So you see the
decision I have to make.
No.
Should I...?
Should I let them go
ahead and kill him...
In which case, they'd be
punished by Colonel Klink?
Hi, Schultz. Hi.
Or, on the other hand,
should I try to stop them?
Hello, Schultz. Hi.
In which case, your side would
get the services of a defector.
Hi, Schultzy. Hi.
So what do you think
I should do, Schultz?
Well, in a matter like this,
I would ask myself first...
Halt!
Help! Get me out...
Get me... Schultz.
Help! They're
gonna kill me! Help!
What's going on here? Stop it!
Now I have to take you to
the Commandant's office.
Attention!
Right face!
Forward!
Where are you going?
To Klink's office as a witness.
No!
Witness to what?
To how well you handled
this whole ugly mess.
But, if you don't want me to...
All right, get in line.
Forward, march!
Eins, zwei, drei, vier.
Eins, zwei, drei, vier.
Eins, zwei...
Eins, zwei, drei...
Now Colonel Hogan
told you, Schultz,
that one of his men was about
to defect to our side, right?
Right, Herr Kommandant.
I told you that in
confidence, Schultz.
Quiet, Hogan.
Not one single fact shall
escape my rigorous interrogation.
I was afraid of that, sir.
Now,
rather than have Carter join
the all victorious Third Reich,
these men thought
to kill him, huh?
Herr Kommandant,
being alert as usual,
I was able to spot them
and guess their
intentions right away.
Moving in swiftly...
at great personal risk...
Schultz, you told me.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
Hogan, punishment for these
men must be immediate and severe.
Commandant, let me just
say, on my men's behalf,
they were motivated
by the highest
form of patriotism...
Knowing the evil secrets
that Carter carries in his head.
Forget I said that.
Said what?
What evil secrets?
He's only a sergeant
in the Air Force.
I talk too much.
What is this all about?
Well, sir...
Carter, you tell them
one word, just one,
about your background in CW...
Ah!
Forget it.
I was just rambling...
just rambling.
Uh-huh. CW... chemical warfare.
Carter was in chemical warfare?
I'm not going to
say another word.
Schultz, we have a prize here.
See to it that this man is
sent to Berlin in the morning.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
Don't believe him, men.
Just trying to
throw us off the trail.
Wait, Schultz!
What trail?
Oh, come on, Commandant.
You're too cunning
and experienced a man
to send Carter off to Berlin
without first checking him out.
Oh, come on. You don't
expect us to buy that.
But, if I'm not
sending him to Berlin,
what am I doing with him?
Putting him up in your quarters
where the prisoners
can't get at him
until you bring in a couple
of German chemical
warfare experts
from the factory
to check him out.
That's very clever, Commandant.
By the way, where
is that factory?
Hogan, even I don't
have that information.
Schultz, prepare my
quarters for the defector.
I mean, our good comrade.
And place a 24-hour guard
on all sides of the building.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
You certainly take charge, sir.
My men are free to go?
Go. No, wait.
I have not yet assigned
punishment for them.
They are to remain
here until I do.
I'm certainly glad of
that, Commandant.
The men just hate that
walking-around free period
until you dream up
something diabolical.
Hogan, they're free to go.
I put my foot into it again.
Come on.
Let's go.
Carter, just tell me one thing.
Why did you do it?
I don't remember, Colonel.
Why did I do it?
'Cause you're
rotten clear through.
Gee.
Carter, don't worry.
Now you have new,
warm, wonderful friends.
Swell.
We must have something now.
Nothing, nothing. How
much longer, Kinch?
I don't know, Colonel.
Could be five minutes,
maybe five hours.
Great. Anything could be
happening up there. Anything.
You don't have to
worry about Carter, sir.
He's a very fast thinker,
if you give him enough time.
What is it, Colonel?
What's happening?
We can't patch through
to Klink's quarters.
The bug isn't working.
What's going on?
I couldn't get through.
Too many guards.
Looks like they're
having dinner.
Carter and who else?
Carter and Klink and the general
from the chemical warfare
factory and a woman.
Woman? What woman?
The one who came
with the general.
Is it his wife? Who?
Not his wife, that's for sure.
Scientist?
I wouldn't mind
working in her laboratory.
Any chance with
that thing, Kinch?
Doesn't look good.
LeBeau, Newkirk, come with me.
I don't like the way
this thing's going.
We'll go through the
tunnel to Klink's quarters.
And then out
through the trapdoor?
Only if we have
to, but be ready.
Well, shall we?
Very interesting
story, my dear Carter.
Very interesting.
Uh, by the way, what
is your correct rank?
Major.
An interesting story, Major.
You were dropped in Germany
carrying a certain
chemical agent?
An incapacitating agent?
Permanently
incapacitating, General.
Which you were directed to use
on one of our aircraft plants?
Through the water supply.
Ah.
Barbaric.
But you were captured
before you could use it, Major.
No, ma'am. I had
plenty of chances.
Oh? You see,
after I got to know
the German people,
they seemed so, uh...
well... my kind of folks.
You know?
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Our music,
our literature...
Just real folks.
And, subsequently,
you were captured?
Yes, so I used my,
uh, cover identity...
Air Force sergeant shot
down on a routine bombing raid.
Mm-hmm.
But-But why didn't you
come to me, Carter?
I would have welcomed
you with open arms.
I am your kind of folks.
I was afraid
of the other prisoners,
Commandant.
They haven't seen
the light like I have.
And this substance that
you were carrying, uh...
Well, that was destroyed
when I was captured.
Those were my orders.
But you have some
knowledge of the formula, Major?
Oh, yes, ma'am.
You might say I invented it.
Uh, General Wittkamper,
perhaps, uh,
we might be able to use this
on those barbarians
on the other side?
An excellent idea, Klink.
I should never
have thought of it.
Major Carter,
what terms would you
consider satisfactory
to work for the greater glory
of the Third Reich, hmm?
I just want to be trusted.
We trust you.
Of course, we do.
And, may I say,
we admire you.
I do, too.
Ever since you were
brought to Stalag 13,
there was something
about your face that...
Klink.
Because, back home,
even when I was a kid,
nobody ever trusted me...
just because I liked to
do certain things to cats
and grasshoppers, butterflies...
We understand you.
Fine. When do I go to work,
and where's the factory?
You don't trust me either.
It isn't exactly that.
General, perhaps you and
the commandant might like
to go out for some fresh air
while I discuss
with Major Carter
the technical aspects
of our business.
Excellent.
Fraulein Richter is one
of our most brilliant
researchers, Major.
You will find
conversation with her
highly stimulating.
Klink. Uh, yes?
Come.
Uh, the, uh, moonlight view
of the prison's laundry
is simply... Klink.
Yes, sir.
I will deal with him
quickly, General.
He could be a valuable man
or a most dangerous one.
Enjoy yourself, Major.
I thought they
would never leave.
Oh, really?
Shall we discuss our work?
Uh, that'd be fine.
Or... shall we not?
The war is so long.
Encounters such
as this are short.
The weak hope for a tomorrow
that never comes.
The strong take
what they want...
tonight.
Well, I guess there's something
to be said on both sides.
You are shy.
I will get you a drink.
That'd be fine.
Cranberry juice, if you have it.
Drink.
My bags are in the next room.
Now that you have something
to make you less shy,
I will want something
to make me more comfortable.
Fine.
Don't drink that.
Hi, Colonel. Shh!
How am I doing?
I don't know. We just got here.
LeBeau, check the door.
Carter, I think she's
trying to get you drunk.
I think she kind of goes for me.
Here, empty this
somewhere, and fast.
Give me your hat. My hat?
Come on.
Now, look, keep your head,
don't drink anything,
and don't talk too much.
Right. Do you
have any idea at all
if they're on to you?
No, sir.
And she's really a
nice girl, Colonel.
Really.
Carter, she's an expert
in the nastiest kind of warfare.
Yes, sir, but I think
she kind of goes for me.
Here, come on. Hey, Colonel.
Carter.
She seemed like
such a nice girl.
All right, we've got a fast
decision to make here.
Carter, you've been
spotted as a phony.
That's why they
tried to knock you off.
Now, you can come back with us
through the tunnel
if you want to. Sure.
But what happens then?
They'll tear this place apart,
probably uncover
our whole operation.
We can't leave him here, sir.
It's up to him.
The food's pretty good,
even if the drinks are lousy.
I'll stay.
Good boy.
We'll try to get
something going for you.
Hey, this was great.
I thought you were
going to change
into something more comfortable.
See you a minute, Commandant?
Of course not. Out, Hogan!
These couldn't be the people
from chemical
warfare, could they?
Just what I wanted
to talk to you about.
Klink, who is this man?
Colonel Hogan,
senior POW officer.
Now, Hogan, I've told you...
You'd be interested
in this, General.
It's a farewell note we
just found from Carter.
He has gone nowhere.
When he left our side for yours.
Explains the whole thing.
Hogan, we're not interested!
Are we?
What does it say?
It explains his motives.
The poor devil was
starved for a decent meal,
so he thought this wild story
about being in
American chem warfare
would at least get him
some food and a soft bed.
Asks us not to hate him for it.
Touching, really.
Most enlightening.
Most enlightening.
I suppose you found
him out already anyway.
Of course we have.
Have we?
This man is very
transparent, Klink.
He wants us to give Carter
back to them so they can kill him.
Sorry, my friend.
Fraulein Richter and I have
checked him out completely.
We are taking him
to our factory today.
So you still think
he's for real, huh?
Unfortunately, yes.
Klink, we will leave
within the hour.
You will provide an armed
guard as far as Hammelburg.
Yes, Herr General. Schultz!
It's a waste of time.
The man's a phony.
Of course. But, right
now, he is our phony.
Resign yourself.
Here they come.
Schultz is up front with
the driver acting as guard.
Him we can handle.
Carter is in the back
with General Wittkamper
and the woman.
No other escort?
No.
Staff car just cleared
the gate, mon Colonel.
Good. Let's go.
Everything all right, Colonel?
Yeah. Okay.
It's going to be tight, but I
think we can cut them off
where the road doubles
back just before the bridge.
That's close to one
of the tunnel exits.
Yeah. Too close.
Weapons ready? Yeah.
Right here, Colonel.
Thanks, Kinch.
Well, there's one thing
I still don't
understand, Colonel.
What? Well, if
they really believe
that Carter's for real, why'd
the woman try to kill him?
I don't know. Maybe she
gets her kicks that way.
Yeah, when you
spend the whole day
making poison gas,
you got to have something
for relaxation.
A pussycat. A real pussycat.
All right, let's
try on the hoods.
All right.
Good.
Good. Very good.
All right, uh, just one
more thing before we go.
This is dangerous.
It's broad daylight,
and that area right now is
loaded with German troops.
I want you to understand
this mission is on a
strictly voluntary status.
So what, Colonel?
Just want to make that plain.
Let's go get Carter, Colonel.
Now, Colonel, now.
Why are we standing here?
Okay.
Let's go.
What's the plan, Colonel?
Aside from grabbing
Carter, I don't know.
If there's any chance,
I still want the
location of the factory.
Car coming, Colonel!
Come on. Let's go.
Hey, hey! Stop!
Out of the car!
Schnell, schnell!
Everybody out on
the road! Schnell, now!
Out, schnell!
Schnell!
Take it! Take it!
I have no connection
with the whole group.
I was just following orders.
Over there!
Major, I demand to
know the meaning of this.
I am General Wittkamper
of the Wehrmacht.
General, the Gestapo does not
take orders from the Wehrmacht.
If you are a Gestapo, why
are you wearing these hoods?
General, have you never seen
a Gestapo execution squad?
We have top secret information
that there is a
traitor among you.
I suggest he confess... fast,
so that the end can be peaceful.
While I strongly
resist the word "traitor,"
it is true at Stalag 13,
I have sometimes
looked the other way
at certain happenings
amongst the prisoners,
which, I will, of my own
free will, tell you about now.
I'm not interested!
Wonderful!
The treason I'm talking about
has materially affected
the war effort of the Fuhrer.
Major, I agree that the
chemical warfare program
under my direction has
produced no decisive weapons.
It is true that certain
small amounts
earmarked for research
have, from time to time, uh,
perhaps been diverted
into more personal projects.
Although I-I stand ready
to pay back every cent.
Further, possibly...
General... do not
incriminate yourself.
I am the one they are after.
You? RICHTER: Yes.
You knew it was me, of course.
Major Carter
would have told you.
I am a traitor to
the Third Reich,
and I am proud of it.
I know that you will shoot
me, but first I will have my say.
I used the general.
Used him to gain control of
an entire research program,
and then I sabotaged
it every step of the way.
Yes... I did hold up
production by many months.
If I could have given
the location of the factory
to the Allied bombers, I would
have done so, too, happily.
Come here. You, too!
Schnell! Move!
Go ahead, shoot.
Don't be in such a hurry.
Look.
You.
You're the American
from Stalag 13.
Colonel Hogan.
I sort of had a hunch, Colonel.
It's our type of operation.
But I don't understand.
It could've been simple,
but it got complicated
when you tried to kill him.
Yeah, why did you do that
if you were on our side?
Because she thought
you were for real.
Oh.
I told you she was a nice girl.
When did you escape?
We didn't escape.
We've got to be
back by noon roll call.
Wait a minute.
You!
At your service, Herr Major.
Take this prisoner back to camp.
He knows nothing about
chemical warfare. Nothing!
Jawohl, Herr Major!
I never thought so.
How about the general?
He stays. He's under arrest. Go!
Jawohl, Herr Major!
Come on, let's go. Thank you.
Come on. Driver, let's go.
What's this?
You're not Gestapo.
Lucky for you, General,
we're going to get you
out of the country, both of you.
But I don't want to
get out of the country.
When your factory is blown
up, and you get the blame,
you'd rather stay here?
I'm coming with you.
Where are we going?
Grand Central
Station, Stalag 13.
And you expect me, Hogan,
to merely restore Carter
to normal duty without
any punishment at all?
I don't expect it, Commandant.
The Gestapo major
gave the order to Schultz.
He did?
How do you know?
You told me. How
else would I know?
Oh... All right, all
right, all right, now.
What about Newkirk,
LeBeau, Kinchloe?
He didn't say anything
about them, did he?
Did he?
Schultz, I'm asking you.
Herr Kommandant,
as nearly as I can
recall... Yes or no?
Look, Commandant, why don't
you just forget the whole matter?
Forget the whole matter?
I mean, look at it this way.
Are you really interested in
finding out what happened
to General Wittkamper
and the woman?
Of course not.
It's a Gestapo matter.
It's a Gestapo matter.
And if they wanted
you to do anything
to Newkirk, Kinch and LeBeau...
I have a better idea.
Why not call Berlin
and ask them?
Forget it.
Very generous of
you, Commandant.
A few more decisions like that,
I could almost be convinced
to come over to your side.
Almost. Hogan!
Who needs you?
Take it from the top.
Kinch, this will be
your starting position
at the center of the compound.
Right, Colonel.
What's your weapon?
Handmade zip gun.
Correct.
Newkirk, what's
your starting position?
100 feet to the west of Kinch.
Mm-hmm. Your weapon?
Bow and arrow, sir, with
the arrow dipped in poison.
Correct. LeBeau?
Well, I start from
over there, Colonel,
60 feet south of Kinch,
and my weapon is a machete
made of an old paint can.
Good. Now, what about Schultz?
Well, when we stalk our
man, Schultz's normal position
should be about the center
of the compound
near the water tower.
He should have a
clear view of all of us.
Good.
So I'll position myself
right next to Schultz.
We start in five minutes.
Synchronize your watches.
It's now 11:16.
Any questions?
Yes.
Colonel, why do
they have to kill me?
Carter, where have you been?
We're not going to kill you.
It's an attempt to kill you.
I understand that, Colonel.
- You're playing a part.
- Yes, sir, I know.
I just don't feel the role.
It doesn't feel like me.
I mean, see, I've always thought
of myself as a pretty nice guy.
Now, all of a sudden,
I'm turning stool pigeon.
I just don't feel my motivation.
Carter, your motivation
is I'm ordering you to do it.
Yes, sir.
Do you want me to go on?
Yes, sir. Would you?
Come on, Carter. Just pipe down.
It's my neck!
Hold it! Hold it!
This is a difficult assignment.
If he wants to talk it out,
I think we should give him
all the time that he needs.
You got two minutes.
Well, I'm all for the
objective and all that,
but couldn't somebody
else play the traitor?
What in the world does he want?
I don't understand. All right.
Let's examine it.
Now...
we have received
word from London
that they think the
Germans are up to something
in chemical warfare, right?
Right.
London wants the location
of the factory turning it out.
Who here knows anything
at all about chemical warfare?
Who else could
convince the Germans
that he was in chemical warfare
before he was captured?
Who else could get on the inside
and find out the
location of that factory?
Who?
You really think I
can do that, Colonel?
No. It's just that we
don't have anyone else.
Get ready to move out.
Let's go.
Hi, Schultz.
Hi.
Talk to you a minute?
Colonel Hogan, I'd rather not.
Really?
Oh, right now, I'm dreaming
about a beautiful meal
my wife is going to
cook for me tonight,
if, by some miracle,
between now and then,
she turns out to be a good cook.
And whenever you talk
to me, Colonel Hogan,
I always get into
some kind of trouble.
Therefore, I'd rather not.
I'm glad you feel
that way, Schultz.
Actually, it's a
question of ethics.
Take it to the chaplain.
You don't understand.
Now, I've heard a
rumor that one of the men
in my command may
defect to the Germans.
Why would he want
to do a thing like that?
A quirk.
Now, the problem is,
some of the other prisoners
may try to kill him before
he goes over to your side.
He's better off dead.
What kind of loyalty
is that, Schultz?
I said nothing. Nothing!
So you see the
decision I have to make.
No.
Should I...?
Should I let them go
ahead and kill him...
In which case, they'd be
punished by Colonel Klink?
Hi, Schultz. Hi.
Or, on the other hand,
should I try to stop them?
Hello, Schultz. Hi.
In which case, your side would
get the services of a defector.
Hi, Schultzy. Hi.
So what do you think
I should do, Schultz?
Well, in a matter like this,
I would ask myself first...
Halt!
Help! Get me out...
Get me... Schultz.
Help! They're
gonna kill me! Help!
What's going on here? Stop it!
Now I have to take you to
the Commandant's office.
Attention!
Right face!
Forward!
Where are you going?
To Klink's office as a witness.
No!
Witness to what?
To how well you handled
this whole ugly mess.
But, if you don't want me to...
All right, get in line.
Forward, march!
Eins, zwei, drei, vier.
Eins, zwei, drei, vier.
Eins, zwei...
Eins, zwei, drei...
Now Colonel Hogan
told you, Schultz,
that one of his men was about
to defect to our side, right?
Right, Herr Kommandant.
I told you that in
confidence, Schultz.
Quiet, Hogan.
Not one single fact shall
escape my rigorous interrogation.
I was afraid of that, sir.
Now,
rather than have Carter join
the all victorious Third Reich,
these men thought
to kill him, huh?
Herr Kommandant,
being alert as usual,
I was able to spot them
and guess their
intentions right away.
Moving in swiftly...
at great personal risk...
Schultz, you told me.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
Hogan, punishment for these
men must be immediate and severe.
Commandant, let me just
say, on my men's behalf,
they were motivated
by the highest
form of patriotism...
Knowing the evil secrets
that Carter carries in his head.
Forget I said that.
Said what?
What evil secrets?
He's only a sergeant
in the Air Force.
I talk too much.
What is this all about?
Well, sir...
Carter, you tell them
one word, just one,
about your background in CW...
Ah!
Forget it.
I was just rambling...
just rambling.
Uh-huh. CW... chemical warfare.
Carter was in chemical warfare?
I'm not going to
say another word.
Schultz, we have a prize here.
See to it that this man is
sent to Berlin in the morning.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
Don't believe him, men.
Just trying to
throw us off the trail.
Wait, Schultz!
What trail?
Oh, come on, Commandant.
You're too cunning
and experienced a man
to send Carter off to Berlin
without first checking him out.
Oh, come on. You don't
expect us to buy that.
But, if I'm not
sending him to Berlin,
what am I doing with him?
Putting him up in your quarters
where the prisoners
can't get at him
until you bring in a couple
of German chemical
warfare experts
from the factory
to check him out.
That's very clever, Commandant.
By the way, where
is that factory?
Hogan, even I don't
have that information.
Schultz, prepare my
quarters for the defector.
I mean, our good comrade.
And place a 24-hour guard
on all sides of the building.
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
You certainly take charge, sir.
My men are free to go?
Go. No, wait.
I have not yet assigned
punishment for them.
They are to remain
here until I do.
I'm certainly glad of
that, Commandant.
The men just hate that
walking-around free period
until you dream up
something diabolical.
Hogan, they're free to go.
I put my foot into it again.
Come on.
Let's go.
Carter, just tell me one thing.
Why did you do it?
I don't remember, Colonel.
Why did I do it?
'Cause you're
rotten clear through.
Gee.
Carter, don't worry.
Now you have new,
warm, wonderful friends.
Swell.
We must have something now.
Nothing, nothing. How
much longer, Kinch?
I don't know, Colonel.
Could be five minutes,
maybe five hours.
Great. Anything could be
happening up there. Anything.
You don't have to
worry about Carter, sir.
He's a very fast thinker,
if you give him enough time.
What is it, Colonel?
What's happening?
We can't patch through
to Klink's quarters.
The bug isn't working.
What's going on?
I couldn't get through.
Too many guards.
Looks like they're
having dinner.
Carter and who else?
Carter and Klink and the general
from the chemical warfare
factory and a woman.
Woman? What woman?
The one who came
with the general.
Is it his wife? Who?
Not his wife, that's for sure.
Scientist?
I wouldn't mind
working in her laboratory.
Any chance with
that thing, Kinch?
Doesn't look good.
LeBeau, Newkirk, come with me.
I don't like the way
this thing's going.
We'll go through the
tunnel to Klink's quarters.
And then out
through the trapdoor?
Only if we have
to, but be ready.
Well, shall we?
Very interesting
story, my dear Carter.
Very interesting.
Uh, by the way, what
is your correct rank?
Major.
An interesting story, Major.
You were dropped in Germany
carrying a certain
chemical agent?
An incapacitating agent?
Permanently
incapacitating, General.
Which you were directed to use
on one of our aircraft plants?
Through the water supply.
Ah.
Barbaric.
But you were captured
before you could use it, Major.
No, ma'am. I had
plenty of chances.
Oh? You see,
after I got to know
the German people,
they seemed so, uh...
well... my kind of folks.
You know?
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Our music,
our literature...
Just real folks.
And, subsequently,
you were captured?
Yes, so I used my,
uh, cover identity...
Air Force sergeant shot
down on a routine bombing raid.
Mm-hmm.
But-But why didn't you
come to me, Carter?
I would have welcomed
you with open arms.
I am your kind of folks.
I was afraid
of the other prisoners,
Commandant.
They haven't seen
the light like I have.
And this substance that
you were carrying, uh...
Well, that was destroyed
when I was captured.
Those were my orders.
But you have some
knowledge of the formula, Major?
Oh, yes, ma'am.
You might say I invented it.
Uh, General Wittkamper,
perhaps, uh,
we might be able to use this
on those barbarians
on the other side?
An excellent idea, Klink.
I should never
have thought of it.
Major Carter,
what terms would you
consider satisfactory
to work for the greater glory
of the Third Reich, hmm?
I just want to be trusted.
We trust you.
Of course, we do.
And, may I say,
we admire you.
I do, too.
Ever since you were
brought to Stalag 13,
there was something
about your face that...
Klink.
Because, back home,
even when I was a kid,
nobody ever trusted me...
just because I liked to
do certain things to cats
and grasshoppers, butterflies...
We understand you.
Fine. When do I go to work,
and where's the factory?
You don't trust me either.
It isn't exactly that.
General, perhaps you and
the commandant might like
to go out for some fresh air
while I discuss
with Major Carter
the technical aspects
of our business.
Excellent.
Fraulein Richter is one
of our most brilliant
researchers, Major.
You will find
conversation with her
highly stimulating.
Klink. Uh, yes?
Come.
Uh, the, uh, moonlight view
of the prison's laundry
is simply... Klink.
Yes, sir.
I will deal with him
quickly, General.
He could be a valuable man
or a most dangerous one.
Enjoy yourself, Major.
I thought they
would never leave.
Oh, really?
Shall we discuss our work?
Uh, that'd be fine.
Or... shall we not?
The war is so long.
Encounters such
as this are short.
The weak hope for a tomorrow
that never comes.
The strong take
what they want...
tonight.
Well, I guess there's something
to be said on both sides.
You are shy.
I will get you a drink.
That'd be fine.
Cranberry juice, if you have it.
Drink.
My bags are in the next room.
Now that you have something
to make you less shy,
I will want something
to make me more comfortable.
Fine.
Don't drink that.
Hi, Colonel. Shh!
How am I doing?
I don't know. We just got here.
LeBeau, check the door.
Carter, I think she's
trying to get you drunk.
I think she kind of goes for me.
Here, empty this
somewhere, and fast.
Give me your hat. My hat?
Come on.
Now, look, keep your head,
don't drink anything,
and don't talk too much.
Right. Do you
have any idea at all
if they're on to you?
No, sir.
And she's really a
nice girl, Colonel.
Really.
Carter, she's an expert
in the nastiest kind of warfare.
Yes, sir, but I think
she kind of goes for me.
Here, come on. Hey, Colonel.
Carter.
She seemed like
such a nice girl.
All right, we've got a fast
decision to make here.
Carter, you've been
spotted as a phony.
That's why they
tried to knock you off.
Now, you can come back with us
through the tunnel
if you want to. Sure.
But what happens then?
They'll tear this place apart,
probably uncover
our whole operation.
We can't leave him here, sir.
It's up to him.
The food's pretty good,
even if the drinks are lousy.
I'll stay.
Good boy.
We'll try to get
something going for you.
Hey, this was great.
I thought you were
going to change
into something more comfortable.
See you a minute, Commandant?
Of course not. Out, Hogan!
These couldn't be the people
from chemical
warfare, could they?
Just what I wanted
to talk to you about.
Klink, who is this man?
Colonel Hogan,
senior POW officer.
Now, Hogan, I've told you...
You'd be interested
in this, General.
It's a farewell note we
just found from Carter.
He has gone nowhere.
When he left our side for yours.
Explains the whole thing.
Hogan, we're not interested!
Are we?
What does it say?
It explains his motives.
The poor devil was
starved for a decent meal,
so he thought this wild story
about being in
American chem warfare
would at least get him
some food and a soft bed.
Asks us not to hate him for it.
Touching, really.
Most enlightening.
Most enlightening.
I suppose you found
him out already anyway.
Of course we have.
Have we?
This man is very
transparent, Klink.
He wants us to give Carter
back to them so they can kill him.
Sorry, my friend.
Fraulein Richter and I have
checked him out completely.
We are taking him
to our factory today.
So you still think
he's for real, huh?
Unfortunately, yes.
Klink, we will leave
within the hour.
You will provide an armed
guard as far as Hammelburg.
Yes, Herr General. Schultz!
It's a waste of time.
The man's a phony.
Of course. But, right
now, he is our phony.
Resign yourself.
Here they come.
Schultz is up front with
the driver acting as guard.
Him we can handle.
Carter is in the back
with General Wittkamper
and the woman.
No other escort?
No.
Staff car just cleared
the gate, mon Colonel.
Good. Let's go.
Everything all right, Colonel?
Yeah. Okay.
It's going to be tight, but I
think we can cut them off
where the road doubles
back just before the bridge.
That's close to one
of the tunnel exits.
Yeah. Too close.
Weapons ready? Yeah.
Right here, Colonel.
Thanks, Kinch.
Well, there's one thing
I still don't
understand, Colonel.
What? Well, if
they really believe
that Carter's for real, why'd
the woman try to kill him?
I don't know. Maybe she
gets her kicks that way.
Yeah, when you
spend the whole day
making poison gas,
you got to have something
for relaxation.
A pussycat. A real pussycat.
All right, let's
try on the hoods.
All right.
Good.
Good. Very good.
All right, uh, just one
more thing before we go.
This is dangerous.
It's broad daylight,
and that area right now is
loaded with German troops.
I want you to understand
this mission is on a
strictly voluntary status.
So what, Colonel?
Just want to make that plain.
Let's go get Carter, Colonel.
Now, Colonel, now.
Why are we standing here?
Okay.
Let's go.
What's the plan, Colonel?
Aside from grabbing
Carter, I don't know.
If there's any chance,
I still want the
location of the factory.
Car coming, Colonel!
Come on. Let's go.
Hey, hey! Stop!
Out of the car!
Schnell, schnell!
Everybody out on
the road! Schnell, now!
Out, schnell!
Schnell!
Take it! Take it!
I have no connection
with the whole group.
I was just following orders.
Over there!
Major, I demand to
know the meaning of this.
I am General Wittkamper
of the Wehrmacht.
General, the Gestapo does not
take orders from the Wehrmacht.
If you are a Gestapo, why
are you wearing these hoods?
General, have you never seen
a Gestapo execution squad?
We have top secret information
that there is a
traitor among you.
I suggest he confess... fast,
so that the end can be peaceful.
While I strongly
resist the word "traitor,"
it is true at Stalag 13,
I have sometimes
looked the other way
at certain happenings
amongst the prisoners,
which, I will, of my own
free will, tell you about now.
I'm not interested!
Wonderful!
The treason I'm talking about
has materially affected
the war effort of the Fuhrer.
Major, I agree that the
chemical warfare program
under my direction has
produced no decisive weapons.
It is true that certain
small amounts
earmarked for research
have, from time to time, uh,
perhaps been diverted
into more personal projects.
Although I-I stand ready
to pay back every cent.
Further, possibly...
General... do not
incriminate yourself.
I am the one they are after.
You? RICHTER: Yes.
You knew it was me, of course.
Major Carter
would have told you.
I am a traitor to
the Third Reich,
and I am proud of it.
I know that you will shoot
me, but first I will have my say.
I used the general.
Used him to gain control of
an entire research program,
and then I sabotaged
it every step of the way.
Yes... I did hold up
production by many months.
If I could have given
the location of the factory
to the Allied bombers, I would
have done so, too, happily.
Come here. You, too!
Schnell! Move!
Go ahead, shoot.
Don't be in such a hurry.
Look.
You.
You're the American
from Stalag 13.
Colonel Hogan.
I sort of had a hunch, Colonel.
It's our type of operation.
But I don't understand.
It could've been simple,
but it got complicated
when you tried to kill him.
Yeah, why did you do that
if you were on our side?
Because she thought
you were for real.
Oh.
I told you she was a nice girl.
When did you escape?
We didn't escape.
We've got to be
back by noon roll call.
Wait a minute.
You!
At your service, Herr Major.
Take this prisoner back to camp.
He knows nothing about
chemical warfare. Nothing!
Jawohl, Herr Major!
I never thought so.
How about the general?
He stays. He's under arrest. Go!
Jawohl, Herr Major!
Come on, let's go. Thank you.
Come on. Driver, let's go.
What's this?
You're not Gestapo.
Lucky for you, General,
we're going to get you
out of the country, both of you.
But I don't want to
get out of the country.
When your factory is blown
up, and you get the blame,
you'd rather stay here?
I'm coming with you.
Where are we going?
Grand Central
Station, Stalag 13.
And you expect me, Hogan,
to merely restore Carter
to normal duty without
any punishment at all?
I don't expect it, Commandant.
The Gestapo major
gave the order to Schultz.
He did?
How do you know?
You told me. How
else would I know?
Oh... All right, all
right, all right, now.
What about Newkirk,
LeBeau, Kinchloe?
He didn't say anything
about them, did he?
Did he?
Schultz, I'm asking you.
Herr Kommandant,
as nearly as I can
recall... Yes or no?
Look, Commandant, why don't
you just forget the whole matter?
Forget the whole matter?
I mean, look at it this way.
Are you really interested in
finding out what happened
to General Wittkamper
and the woman?
Of course not.
It's a Gestapo matter.
It's a Gestapo matter.
And if they wanted
you to do anything
to Newkirk, Kinch and LeBeau...
I have a better idea.
Why not call Berlin
and ask them?
Forget it.
Very generous of
you, Commandant.
A few more decisions like that,
I could almost be convinced
to come over to your side.
Almost. Hogan!
Who needs you?