Hogan's Heroes (1965–1971): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Prisoner's Prisoner - full transcript
When a British commando unit is captured before they can blow up a crucial German ammo dump, Hogan and his men attempt to finish the job.
CBS presents this
program in color.
Neun, zehn, elf, zwolf,
dreizehn, vierzehn, funfzehn.
Report.
Herr Kommandant, all present.
Colonel Hogan, how many
prisoners in this section?
Fifteen.
Correction.
Sixteen.
English commando.
Part of a group that landed
to sabotage an ammunition depot.
They were all captured
immediately, of course.
Your people, Hogan,
really so ineffective.
Sure he's one of ours?
Quite sure.
I have to hand it to you, sir.
You're to be congratulated.
Colonel Hogan.
You shouldn't wipe your
hand on the commandant.
Well, you won't
give us a roller towel.
We almost ruddy
well pulled it off.
The charges was all planted.
Only had to connect two
flipping wires on the timer
when they ran us off.
Caught the lot of us.
The rest of the
blokes are being sent
to Kleinfeld prison.
What makes this ammo
dump so important?
Well, this here German
General Schmidt
has his command center there.
He's staging for some
big attack somewhere.
Headquarters don't know
where he's going to hit,
and they was hoping
that getting the dump
would stop him
before he got started.
And all the explosives
are still planted there?
The lot. They never
spotted any of it.
All that has to happen
is just two little wires
connected and blooey, huh?
Right. Thanks.
Hey, Colonel,
you're not thinking...
Come on, Carter,
don't be negative.
I won't take you with me.
You weren't thinking
of going there?
Why not, it's in
the neighborhood.
You mean you're
going to stage a raid
from a prison camp?
You must be daft.
That's 50 miles away,
right through the
heart of Germany.
How are you going to get there?
Through our local Travelers
Aid man, Colonel Klink.
Come in.
Oh, glad I was able
to catch you, sir.
Afraid you'd be gone
before I had a chance
to say good-bye. Good-bye?
Yeah, the, uh, boys and
I wanted you to have this
as a farewell gift.
Farewell? What are
you talking about?
You haven't heard?
I didn't want to be
the one to tell you.
Uh, forget I was here.
Not so fast.
It's probably just a wild rumor.
Take the gift. Use it. Enjoy it.
Wherever they send you.
"Wherever they send..."?
You know something, Hogan.
Out with it.
They're closing the camp.
Closing the camp?
Hah, that's ridiculous.
The handwriting's on the wall.
How many prisoners
did you get in today.
One.
How many did they capture?
Seven.
Six went to Kleinfeld.
Six.
You got one.
Six to one.
And yours with a busted
flipper, a factory second.
It means nothing.
I could pick up those
other six if I wanted them
by just making one phone call.
Sure, sure, but, you know,
once these rumors get started,
yeah, it's a good thing you
have your winter uniform
for the Ural Mountains.
Russia.
That was the other
half of the rumor, yeah.
Oh, you'll like it up there.
That nice, clean,
fresh mountain air.
Those are the Urals,
up in the ice and
snow, aren't they?
Ice. Snow.
Give me General
Schmidt's Headquarters.
I'll show them who's
closing this camp.
Hello.
This is Colonel Klink.
I won't tolerate this.
You caught seven
paratroopers. Seven.
What do I get? Just one.
One paratrooper
and with a busted
flipper no less.
I want the other six, too.
Certainly I can handle them.
I'll send a truck.
So much for your rumors.
I send a truck, I get them all.
So, no farewells.
Strange. I seem to
have one just like this.
We heard you'd lost it.
That's why we got it.
I know the fellows
would want you to have it.
Sort of a welcome home gift.
Thank you. Thank you.
Transportation's arranged.
Klink inspects every inch
of every truck that leaves here.
I don't see where we can hide...
Carter, nothing's easy.
Kommen Sie hier.
I'm Sergeant Schultz
from Stalag 13.
I come to pick up
the paratroopers.
Gut.
This is the last
party I take you to.
I don't know why they
have to put all these goodies
underneath an ammunition dump.
Hello.
This may go down as the
greatest crime of the war.
I'm going to set this
to blow in 20 minutes.
Let's get out of here.
Check that.
Mmm.
Mmm.
General, it's very late.
I have to go.
Oh, no, no, no.
I must rejoin my
division so soon.
You must stay for at
least one more drink.
Oh. Oh.
I shall go get
another bottle, huh?
Okay.
Charming.
Oh, that's...
Colonel Hoga...
Are you going to drink that now?
It's not for me, it's for him.
You do the honors.
Mein kleines Puppchen.
Now, don't go away.
You stay right there.
I get some nice, cold champagne.
Oh, Liebling, you stay
right where you are, huh.
I shall be back immediately.
General?
Herr General Schmidt?
Auf Wiedersehen.
Oh, General.
Auf Wiedersehen, Puppchen.
Let's get out of here.
Let's get our prisoner first.
We haven't got time...
Our what?!
Our prisoner.
We can't keep a prisoner.
Well, we've got our own prison.
What better place
to keep him in?
But we're prisoners. So, what?
Just because we're prisoners
doesn't mean we can't
have our own prisoners.
It's impossible.
There's a rule or something?
The Geneva
convention, not a word.
We've got our rights.
We're as good as they are.
Look, if the Germans can
have an American prisoner,
why can't the American
prisoners have a German prisoner?
If we're wrong, what are
they going to do, lock us up?
Raus!
Everybody, raus,
raus, raus, raus, raus!
Back, back, back, back!
Mach schnell!
Raus...!
Achtung!
Back, back, back, back!
Achtung!
I'm Sergeant Schultz.
You are now in
Stalag 13 from which
no one escapes, ever. Ever!
You understand?
Now then...
What are you doing?
Official duties, Schultz.
You've got newcomers,
I'm with the welcome wagon.
Welcome? Yeah.
Everything go okay?
You got all seven?
Yeah, of course. Good.
I have only six.
Six? Schultz, you
lost one already.
No, I didn't lose anybody.
You must have.
We've got seven beds waiting.
Now, how did it happen?
You went over a bumpy road
and one got tossed out, huh?
No, the road was not that bumpy.
But there were bumps.
What is the commandant
going to say?
The commandant.
Back in the truck, quick.
He's probably laying
by the side of the road
near the bumps. Go ahead.
Hey, Schultz, hold it a minute.
You're in luck.
He's still here.
You sure did bump him.
He's still groggy.
What's his name?
Uh, uh... Uh, B-B-B-B...
Finnegan. Finnegan.
Finnegan? Finnegan.
You don't even have his
name on the list, Schultz.
There.
Seven men, seven names.
Schultz, I can't keep
on doing this for you.
Oh, danke.
If ever I can do
something for you.
I'll think of something.
Commandos, get him out of here.
Tell Kinch to notify London
about the new prisoner.
We won't have him that long.
When Schmidt wakes up,
he goes right to
Klink, and he's out.
Wrong. I go to Klink first.
He's in.
You see what they think
of me, Colonel Hogan?
I ask for the prisoners
and poof, they're here.
What is it?
The Grey Phantom?
The what, what?
Nothing, nothing.
What did you see here?
No more questions, sir.
I'm no match for you.
You're a master interrogator.
I'd better go.
Just a minute, Hogan! Sit down!
There is something on
that list that frightened you.
What, Hogan? What?
Why did he have to come here?
He's going to escape and
spoil your perfect record,
and we're going
to get the blame.
No one escapes from Stalag 13.
Yeah, the Grey Phantom will.
Master of a thousand disguises.
Speaks German fluently.
He can masquerade as anyone.
No camp's going to hold him.
He'll be out of
here in 24 hours.
Which one is it?
What am I doing?
I've said too much already.
I'm an American.
It's my job to help him escape.
Of course I understand.
Now, which one is it?
It's...
Colonel, there's a prisoner
here who demands to see you.
Not now, not now. Herr...
The Phantom.
I am General Karl Schmidt.
I demand to be
released immediately!
General Schmidt.
Oh, you recognize
him, Colonel Hogan,
even with those clothes, huh?
Famous General Schmidt.
Who wouldn't?
Oh, of course, of course.
General, what can I do for you?
That's better.
Now, I must get in touch
with my command immediately.
Certainly, certainly.
Take your hands off
that phone, General.
You cannot call anyone,
because you were
killed yesterday
when your ammunition
depot blew up.
I am not dead.
You may regret...
Silence!
You can stop this
outrageous masquerade,
because I know who you
are, and escape is impossible.
But Colonel, he really is...
That will be all.
Guard!
You blind fool!
You will regret this.
Colonel, aren't you
afraid that he...?
I admire your efforts,
Colonel Hogan,
but they are useless.
He will not escape,
not in 24 hours,
not in 24 years.
No matter how hard he tries,
I can assure you,
he won't fool me.
You're so cunning.
Well, reservations
are confirmed.
Compliments from
London, Colonel,
on blowing up that dump.
But they want us
to get the location
of the attack from Schmidt.
Well, if we can get
him to contact his staff,
we'd have the location, right?
Let me give it a whirl.
Colonel was kind of
rough on you, General.
Yeah. The fool!
Yeah. A shame
he wouldn't let you
make that phone call,
so you could contact your aide,
he'd identify you and
get you out of here.
Maybe if you, uh,
sent a message.
You can get word out?
Bribe one of the guards.
Where do you want it sent?
I cannot reveal where they are,
not for five days.
I can wait until then.
All right. Suit yourself.
Whenever you're ready.
Well?
It isn't going to be easy.
He won't talk to save his life.
Or will he?
I think the General's
going to be ill,
deathly ill.
Newkirk, we have a job
for the mighty
Hogan Art Players.
Ah, I still can't figure
why the Colonel didn't
recognize you, sir.
I knew it was you, right off.
Uh, Dummkopf!
He will pay for that.
Of course you do look
different from your picture.
The neck is fuller.
Yeah?
Everything will turn
out all right in the end.
Your neck, sir...
How long has it
been swollen like that?
My neck?
My neck is not swollen.
Maybe it just happened.
Maybe there's still time.
What is all this
neck, neck, neck?
What?
Shackleitis.
Double Prison Plague.
DPP we call it for short.
Starts with the neck.
Always a killer.
See over there.
Two went last Monday,
just like that.
But I feel fine.
Don't say that.
Feeling fine is a
definite symptom.
We've got to get you
outside medical attention.
Oh, ridiculous.
It is ridiculous, sir,
to think that
they'd-they'd help you
as long as you're
just a prisoner.
Let me contact your staff
and get you out of here
and into a hospital.
Why are you so
anxious to help me?
Because I admire you.
Hah!
All right.
You see through me.
There is something I want.
Ah. So?
I'm an ambitious man,
and I see the way
the war is going.
Today you have Europe.
Tomorrow you'll be in America.
Yeah. What is it you want?
Cleveland.
Cleveland?
I want to be Burgermeister.
Oh, you won't have
to worry about me, sir.
I'll be loyal. One set of books.
How about it?
I do you a favor now,
you do me a favor later.
Ja, Schmidt will be in America.
But for you, no Cleveland.
No nothing.
I do not need your help.
I need no help
from anyone.
Kelly, Johnson...
They said the same thing.
If they only had your chance
for outside treatment.
Oh, it's-it's only
a little sore throat.
Promise you'll notify me
if you develop the
next symptom, huh?
Fever, hot flashes,
body all burning up.
Oh, why won't you
let me notify your staff?
Look, call me if you
start feeling warmer.
Immediately,
while there's still time.
Oh, oh!
Oh!
Oh, it's certainly turned cold,
didn't it, General?
Freezing out there.
Brr.
Oh! Don't you feel it, General?
Hey.
Hey, what about a
drop of the old soup, eh?
It'll warm you up really good.
Re...
My, you're
perspiring, aren't...?
What is it?
Oh, my goodness!
Colonel Hogan!
Quick, quick.
What is it? What is it?
Look, look,
he's-he's perspiring.
Oh. More blankets on the double.
He'll be all right.
Yeah, you're
going to be all right.
Just like they said,
probably a cold.
So... warm.
Yeah.
If it were shackleitis,
there'd be other symptoms.
Like you couldn't
move your legs,
as though they were chained.
But you can move
your legs all right,
can't you?
I'm not so sure.
He can't move his legs.
It's like they were chained.
Oh, no!
Not another one!
First Kelly!
Then Johnson.
And now...
Oh, he's so young.
So young...
Oh, why? Why? Why?
Lebeau is a bit emotional.
Don't pay any attention, sir.
As you said, it's just a cold.
You're going to be okay,
as long as you don't
get the chills and shakes.
You're going to be okay.
What's happening?
What is this?
No. No!
So many books to be written,
so many songs to be sung.
It's nothing, sir.
Nothing. As you
said, it's just a cold.
Do you leave a family behind?
Medic!
Fire!
He's got such a fever,
the bedding's on fire.
Don't worry about it, sir.
Afterward, we would have had
to burn the bedding anyway.
Look out!
Oh.
No, no,
not yet!
Don't look, sir. Outside,
outside! Later, later!
If only we could notify someone,
anyone.
Roger, I'll tell him.
London says if they're going
to prepare for the attack,
they've got to have
that information now.
Tell them to stand by, Kinch.
I think Schmidt is just
about ready to crack.
I'm going to go tell the fellows
to prepare for
Operation Reindeer.
Right.
This is Goldilocks.
Come in, Papa Bear.
♪ Jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ On a one horse
open sleigh, hey ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one horse open sleigh. ♪
What is those here?
Christmas tree.
Christmas?
But Christmas is
three months away.
We wanted to be sure you had it.
♪ Good King
Wenceslas looked out ♪
♪ On the Feast of Stephen ♪
♪ When the snow
lay round about ♪
♪ Deep and crisp and even... ♪
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho.
How am I doing?
Excellent, Schultz, excellent.
Oh, it's the least
I could do for him
after I gave him
such a bumpy ride.
The presents, fellas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Hey, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas,
General. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Wait a minute.
Flowers? What kind of gift
is that?
Another day, and he'll be up
to his ears in flowers.
Merry Christmas.
Who gave him the magazine?
I did, Colonel.
What? Why don't you
use your head, huh?
What good is a magazine?
There's no point
in him starting any serials.
Take it easy, General.
You better leave.
No more excitement.
You guys are thoughtless.
Here's a poor, dying man,
gasping for his last breath,
lucky to live the night,
and you guys are doing
things to upset him.
Dying?
Didn't mean to
let that slip out.
You've got to get
out of here somehow
and get some help, sir.
Otherwise...
One more chorus, fellas.
♪ Good King
Wenceslas looked out ♪
All-All right.
♪ On the Feast of Stephen ♪
Stop.
♪ When the snow... ♪
Stop!
You must take a message for me.
Who to, General?
To Major Umblicht.
He is in...
Yes? Yes?
Heidelheim.
Heidelheim?
Heidelheim.
♪ Heidelheim ♪
♪ Heidelheim ♪
♪ Heidelheim, Heidelheim ♪
♪ Heidel, Heidel Heim... ♪
Are you sure the
message will get through?
That I can guarantee, General.
Hogan, how can I ever repay you?
I've been thinking about that.
You know our Burgermeister talk?
Yeah.
How about throwing
in Cincinnati?
I don't get it.
We break out of one prison camp,
then the underground
sends us here.
Simple, friend.
We act as a processing
center for escapees.
We can prepare you better
for your permanent
break out of this country.
Yeah. You, see
while you are here,
you're both going to
assume the identities
of two of our graduates
who are ready for
the big bust-out.
You're going to take
the name of Walters,
and you'll be Schmidt.
Or, uh, uh, Finnegan.
Yeah. That way,
nobody ever really seems
to escape from here, right?
Come on. Come.
Fellows.
Look at it this way, General.
It's all for the best.
Walters will get you safely back
to a nice cozy English prison,
and inasmuch as your
attack was wiped out,
you can always say
you were being held prisoner
in an English prison camp.
We'd better get cracking.
Yeah. Don't forget the
I.D. papers, the money.
The lot.
Okay, good enough. Go.
Uh, uh, General,
uh, just one thing.
You just don't look right.
You're not going
to convince anybody
looking like that.
You've got to
look like a German.
And remember,
don't speak English.
Yeah.
Act like a German at all times.
Yeah.
And remember,
Walters, keep after him.
You bet.
If he starts speaking
English, remind him.
Good-bye, General.
It's been fun.
Lebeau will leave a
light in the window.
program in color.
Neun, zehn, elf, zwolf,
dreizehn, vierzehn, funfzehn.
Report.
Herr Kommandant, all present.
Colonel Hogan, how many
prisoners in this section?
Fifteen.
Correction.
Sixteen.
English commando.
Part of a group that landed
to sabotage an ammunition depot.
They were all captured
immediately, of course.
Your people, Hogan,
really so ineffective.
Sure he's one of ours?
Quite sure.
I have to hand it to you, sir.
You're to be congratulated.
Colonel Hogan.
You shouldn't wipe your
hand on the commandant.
Well, you won't
give us a roller towel.
We almost ruddy
well pulled it off.
The charges was all planted.
Only had to connect two
flipping wires on the timer
when they ran us off.
Caught the lot of us.
The rest of the
blokes are being sent
to Kleinfeld prison.
What makes this ammo
dump so important?
Well, this here German
General Schmidt
has his command center there.
He's staging for some
big attack somewhere.
Headquarters don't know
where he's going to hit,
and they was hoping
that getting the dump
would stop him
before he got started.
And all the explosives
are still planted there?
The lot. They never
spotted any of it.
All that has to happen
is just two little wires
connected and blooey, huh?
Right. Thanks.
Hey, Colonel,
you're not thinking...
Come on, Carter,
don't be negative.
I won't take you with me.
You weren't thinking
of going there?
Why not, it's in
the neighborhood.
You mean you're
going to stage a raid
from a prison camp?
You must be daft.
That's 50 miles away,
right through the
heart of Germany.
How are you going to get there?
Through our local Travelers
Aid man, Colonel Klink.
Come in.
Oh, glad I was able
to catch you, sir.
Afraid you'd be gone
before I had a chance
to say good-bye. Good-bye?
Yeah, the, uh, boys and
I wanted you to have this
as a farewell gift.
Farewell? What are
you talking about?
You haven't heard?
I didn't want to be
the one to tell you.
Uh, forget I was here.
Not so fast.
It's probably just a wild rumor.
Take the gift. Use it. Enjoy it.
Wherever they send you.
"Wherever they send..."?
You know something, Hogan.
Out with it.
They're closing the camp.
Closing the camp?
Hah, that's ridiculous.
The handwriting's on the wall.
How many prisoners
did you get in today.
One.
How many did they capture?
Seven.
Six went to Kleinfeld.
Six.
You got one.
Six to one.
And yours with a busted
flipper, a factory second.
It means nothing.
I could pick up those
other six if I wanted them
by just making one phone call.
Sure, sure, but, you know,
once these rumors get started,
yeah, it's a good thing you
have your winter uniform
for the Ural Mountains.
Russia.
That was the other
half of the rumor, yeah.
Oh, you'll like it up there.
That nice, clean,
fresh mountain air.
Those are the Urals,
up in the ice and
snow, aren't they?
Ice. Snow.
Give me General
Schmidt's Headquarters.
I'll show them who's
closing this camp.
Hello.
This is Colonel Klink.
I won't tolerate this.
You caught seven
paratroopers. Seven.
What do I get? Just one.
One paratrooper
and with a busted
flipper no less.
I want the other six, too.
Certainly I can handle them.
I'll send a truck.
So much for your rumors.
I send a truck, I get them all.
So, no farewells.
Strange. I seem to
have one just like this.
We heard you'd lost it.
That's why we got it.
I know the fellows
would want you to have it.
Sort of a welcome home gift.
Thank you. Thank you.
Transportation's arranged.
Klink inspects every inch
of every truck that leaves here.
I don't see where we can hide...
Carter, nothing's easy.
Kommen Sie hier.
I'm Sergeant Schultz
from Stalag 13.
I come to pick up
the paratroopers.
Gut.
This is the last
party I take you to.
I don't know why they
have to put all these goodies
underneath an ammunition dump.
Hello.
This may go down as the
greatest crime of the war.
I'm going to set this
to blow in 20 minutes.
Let's get out of here.
Check that.
Mmm.
Mmm.
General, it's very late.
I have to go.
Oh, no, no, no.
I must rejoin my
division so soon.
You must stay for at
least one more drink.
Oh. Oh.
I shall go get
another bottle, huh?
Okay.
Charming.
Oh, that's...
Colonel Hoga...
Are you going to drink that now?
It's not for me, it's for him.
You do the honors.
Mein kleines Puppchen.
Now, don't go away.
You stay right there.
I get some nice, cold champagne.
Oh, Liebling, you stay
right where you are, huh.
I shall be back immediately.
General?
Herr General Schmidt?
Auf Wiedersehen.
Oh, General.
Auf Wiedersehen, Puppchen.
Let's get out of here.
Let's get our prisoner first.
We haven't got time...
Our what?!
Our prisoner.
We can't keep a prisoner.
Well, we've got our own prison.
What better place
to keep him in?
But we're prisoners. So, what?
Just because we're prisoners
doesn't mean we can't
have our own prisoners.
It's impossible.
There's a rule or something?
The Geneva
convention, not a word.
We've got our rights.
We're as good as they are.
Look, if the Germans can
have an American prisoner,
why can't the American
prisoners have a German prisoner?
If we're wrong, what are
they going to do, lock us up?
Raus!
Everybody, raus,
raus, raus, raus, raus!
Back, back, back, back!
Mach schnell!
Raus...!
Achtung!
Back, back, back, back!
Achtung!
I'm Sergeant Schultz.
You are now in
Stalag 13 from which
no one escapes, ever. Ever!
You understand?
Now then...
What are you doing?
Official duties, Schultz.
You've got newcomers,
I'm with the welcome wagon.
Welcome? Yeah.
Everything go okay?
You got all seven?
Yeah, of course. Good.
I have only six.
Six? Schultz, you
lost one already.
No, I didn't lose anybody.
You must have.
We've got seven beds waiting.
Now, how did it happen?
You went over a bumpy road
and one got tossed out, huh?
No, the road was not that bumpy.
But there were bumps.
What is the commandant
going to say?
The commandant.
Back in the truck, quick.
He's probably laying
by the side of the road
near the bumps. Go ahead.
Hey, Schultz, hold it a minute.
You're in luck.
He's still here.
You sure did bump him.
He's still groggy.
What's his name?
Uh, uh... Uh, B-B-B-B...
Finnegan. Finnegan.
Finnegan? Finnegan.
You don't even have his
name on the list, Schultz.
There.
Seven men, seven names.
Schultz, I can't keep
on doing this for you.
Oh, danke.
If ever I can do
something for you.
I'll think of something.
Commandos, get him out of here.
Tell Kinch to notify London
about the new prisoner.
We won't have him that long.
When Schmidt wakes up,
he goes right to
Klink, and he's out.
Wrong. I go to Klink first.
He's in.
You see what they think
of me, Colonel Hogan?
I ask for the prisoners
and poof, they're here.
What is it?
The Grey Phantom?
The what, what?
Nothing, nothing.
What did you see here?
No more questions, sir.
I'm no match for you.
You're a master interrogator.
I'd better go.
Just a minute, Hogan! Sit down!
There is something on
that list that frightened you.
What, Hogan? What?
Why did he have to come here?
He's going to escape and
spoil your perfect record,
and we're going
to get the blame.
No one escapes from Stalag 13.
Yeah, the Grey Phantom will.
Master of a thousand disguises.
Speaks German fluently.
He can masquerade as anyone.
No camp's going to hold him.
He'll be out of
here in 24 hours.
Which one is it?
What am I doing?
I've said too much already.
I'm an American.
It's my job to help him escape.
Of course I understand.
Now, which one is it?
It's...
Colonel, there's a prisoner
here who demands to see you.
Not now, not now. Herr...
The Phantom.
I am General Karl Schmidt.
I demand to be
released immediately!
General Schmidt.
Oh, you recognize
him, Colonel Hogan,
even with those clothes, huh?
Famous General Schmidt.
Who wouldn't?
Oh, of course, of course.
General, what can I do for you?
That's better.
Now, I must get in touch
with my command immediately.
Certainly, certainly.
Take your hands off
that phone, General.
You cannot call anyone,
because you were
killed yesterday
when your ammunition
depot blew up.
I am not dead.
You may regret...
Silence!
You can stop this
outrageous masquerade,
because I know who you
are, and escape is impossible.
But Colonel, he really is...
That will be all.
Guard!
You blind fool!
You will regret this.
Colonel, aren't you
afraid that he...?
I admire your efforts,
Colonel Hogan,
but they are useless.
He will not escape,
not in 24 hours,
not in 24 years.
No matter how hard he tries,
I can assure you,
he won't fool me.
You're so cunning.
Well, reservations
are confirmed.
Compliments from
London, Colonel,
on blowing up that dump.
But they want us
to get the location
of the attack from Schmidt.
Well, if we can get
him to contact his staff,
we'd have the location, right?
Let me give it a whirl.
Colonel was kind of
rough on you, General.
Yeah. The fool!
Yeah. A shame
he wouldn't let you
make that phone call,
so you could contact your aide,
he'd identify you and
get you out of here.
Maybe if you, uh,
sent a message.
You can get word out?
Bribe one of the guards.
Where do you want it sent?
I cannot reveal where they are,
not for five days.
I can wait until then.
All right. Suit yourself.
Whenever you're ready.
Well?
It isn't going to be easy.
He won't talk to save his life.
Or will he?
I think the General's
going to be ill,
deathly ill.
Newkirk, we have a job
for the mighty
Hogan Art Players.
Ah, I still can't figure
why the Colonel didn't
recognize you, sir.
I knew it was you, right off.
Uh, Dummkopf!
He will pay for that.
Of course you do look
different from your picture.
The neck is fuller.
Yeah?
Everything will turn
out all right in the end.
Your neck, sir...
How long has it
been swollen like that?
My neck?
My neck is not swollen.
Maybe it just happened.
Maybe there's still time.
What is all this
neck, neck, neck?
What?
Shackleitis.
Double Prison Plague.
DPP we call it for short.
Starts with the neck.
Always a killer.
See over there.
Two went last Monday,
just like that.
But I feel fine.
Don't say that.
Feeling fine is a
definite symptom.
We've got to get you
outside medical attention.
Oh, ridiculous.
It is ridiculous, sir,
to think that
they'd-they'd help you
as long as you're
just a prisoner.
Let me contact your staff
and get you out of here
and into a hospital.
Why are you so
anxious to help me?
Because I admire you.
Hah!
All right.
You see through me.
There is something I want.
Ah. So?
I'm an ambitious man,
and I see the way
the war is going.
Today you have Europe.
Tomorrow you'll be in America.
Yeah. What is it you want?
Cleveland.
Cleveland?
I want to be Burgermeister.
Oh, you won't have
to worry about me, sir.
I'll be loyal. One set of books.
How about it?
I do you a favor now,
you do me a favor later.
Ja, Schmidt will be in America.
But for you, no Cleveland.
No nothing.
I do not need your help.
I need no help
from anyone.
Kelly, Johnson...
They said the same thing.
If they only had your chance
for outside treatment.
Oh, it's-it's only
a little sore throat.
Promise you'll notify me
if you develop the
next symptom, huh?
Fever, hot flashes,
body all burning up.
Oh, why won't you
let me notify your staff?
Look, call me if you
start feeling warmer.
Immediately,
while there's still time.
Oh, oh!
Oh!
Oh, it's certainly turned cold,
didn't it, General?
Freezing out there.
Brr.
Oh! Don't you feel it, General?
Hey.
Hey, what about a
drop of the old soup, eh?
It'll warm you up really good.
Re...
My, you're
perspiring, aren't...?
What is it?
Oh, my goodness!
Colonel Hogan!
Quick, quick.
What is it? What is it?
Look, look,
he's-he's perspiring.
Oh. More blankets on the double.
He'll be all right.
Yeah, you're
going to be all right.
Just like they said,
probably a cold.
So... warm.
Yeah.
If it were shackleitis,
there'd be other symptoms.
Like you couldn't
move your legs,
as though they were chained.
But you can move
your legs all right,
can't you?
I'm not so sure.
He can't move his legs.
It's like they were chained.
Oh, no!
Not another one!
First Kelly!
Then Johnson.
And now...
Oh, he's so young.
So young...
Oh, why? Why? Why?
Lebeau is a bit emotional.
Don't pay any attention, sir.
As you said, it's just a cold.
You're going to be okay,
as long as you don't
get the chills and shakes.
You're going to be okay.
What's happening?
What is this?
No. No!
So many books to be written,
so many songs to be sung.
It's nothing, sir.
Nothing. As you
said, it's just a cold.
Do you leave a family behind?
Medic!
Fire!
He's got such a fever,
the bedding's on fire.
Don't worry about it, sir.
Afterward, we would have had
to burn the bedding anyway.
Look out!
Oh.
No, no,
not yet!
Don't look, sir. Outside,
outside! Later, later!
If only we could notify someone,
anyone.
Roger, I'll tell him.
London says if they're going
to prepare for the attack,
they've got to have
that information now.
Tell them to stand by, Kinch.
I think Schmidt is just
about ready to crack.
I'm going to go tell the fellows
to prepare for
Operation Reindeer.
Right.
This is Goldilocks.
Come in, Papa Bear.
♪ Jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ On a one horse
open sleigh, hey ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one horse open sleigh. ♪
What is those here?
Christmas tree.
Christmas?
But Christmas is
three months away.
We wanted to be sure you had it.
♪ Good King
Wenceslas looked out ♪
♪ On the Feast of Stephen ♪
♪ When the snow
lay round about ♪
♪ Deep and crisp and even... ♪
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho.
How am I doing?
Excellent, Schultz, excellent.
Oh, it's the least
I could do for him
after I gave him
such a bumpy ride.
The presents, fellas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Hey, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas,
General. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Wait a minute.
Flowers? What kind of gift
is that?
Another day, and he'll be up
to his ears in flowers.
Merry Christmas.
Who gave him the magazine?
I did, Colonel.
What? Why don't you
use your head, huh?
What good is a magazine?
There's no point
in him starting any serials.
Take it easy, General.
You better leave.
No more excitement.
You guys are thoughtless.
Here's a poor, dying man,
gasping for his last breath,
lucky to live the night,
and you guys are doing
things to upset him.
Dying?
Didn't mean to
let that slip out.
You've got to get
out of here somehow
and get some help, sir.
Otherwise...
One more chorus, fellas.
♪ Good King
Wenceslas looked out ♪
All-All right.
♪ On the Feast of Stephen ♪
Stop.
♪ When the snow... ♪
Stop!
You must take a message for me.
Who to, General?
To Major Umblicht.
He is in...
Yes? Yes?
Heidelheim.
Heidelheim?
Heidelheim.
♪ Heidelheim ♪
♪ Heidelheim ♪
♪ Heidelheim, Heidelheim ♪
♪ Heidel, Heidel Heim... ♪
Are you sure the
message will get through?
That I can guarantee, General.
Hogan, how can I ever repay you?
I've been thinking about that.
You know our Burgermeister talk?
Yeah.
How about throwing
in Cincinnati?
I don't get it.
We break out of one prison camp,
then the underground
sends us here.
Simple, friend.
We act as a processing
center for escapees.
We can prepare you better
for your permanent
break out of this country.
Yeah. You, see
while you are here,
you're both going to
assume the identities
of two of our graduates
who are ready for
the big bust-out.
You're going to take
the name of Walters,
and you'll be Schmidt.
Or, uh, uh, Finnegan.
Yeah. That way,
nobody ever really seems
to escape from here, right?
Come on. Come.
Fellows.
Look at it this way, General.
It's all for the best.
Walters will get you safely back
to a nice cozy English prison,
and inasmuch as your
attack was wiped out,
you can always say
you were being held prisoner
in an English prison camp.
We'd better get cracking.
Yeah. Don't forget the
I.D. papers, the money.
The lot.
Okay, good enough. Go.
Uh, uh, General,
uh, just one thing.
You just don't look right.
You're not going
to convince anybody
looking like that.
You've got to
look like a German.
And remember,
don't speak English.
Yeah.
Act like a German at all times.
Yeah.
And remember,
Walters, keep after him.
You bet.
If he starts speaking
English, remind him.
Good-bye, General.
It's been fun.
Lebeau will leave a
light in the window.