Hogan's Heroes (1965–1971): Season 1, Episode 32 - Request Permission to Escape - full transcript

CBS presents this
program in color.

Here's the last of it, Colonel.

Thanks, Kinch.

Carter?

All right, fellas, here it is.

"Cigarette lighter hidden
in commandant's car.

"Secure lighter.

Await instructions."

Hey, Klink drove
into town yesterday.

And maybe somebody
in the underground

stashed the lighter in his car.



Could be.

What's important
about a cigarette lighter?

We'll find out when we get it.

And may a person inquire
when that will be, sir?

Tomorrow morning,

as soon as Hogan's Car
Wash opens for business.

All right, come
on, let's get going.

Hi, Schultz.

Colonel Hogan,
what are you doing?

Washing the commandant's car.

Come on fellows,
let's get going!

Wait a minute; you
washed it yesterday.

Yeah, well, you
know what they say...

A clean car is a happy car.



Come on, now, let's go.

You want the car
to be happy? I don't!

Back to the barracks!

Wait, wait a minute, Schultz.

You're ordering
us not to wash it?

You heard me.

Just want to make sure,

so I can tell the
commandant you stopped us.

Why do you listen to me?

I'm only a sergeant.

W-Why, why are
you standing around?!

Wash the car!

You heard him.

If it wouldn't be for me,

the car would never be washed.

It's not back here.

No luck.

Try under the hood.

Right.

Got it.

Taped under the distributor.

Okay, let's go.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Where are you going?

Colonel Hogan!

You were right, Schultz.

Car doesn't need washing.

What do you mean?!

Schultz?!

Ja, jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

What is going on here?

Herr Kommandant, I-I,
I-I'm washing your car.

It was washed yesterday.

A clean car is a happy car.

Is that so?

Ja, I found it out
just a short time ago.

This is how you are
wasting your time?

Herr Kommandant, some
of the prisoners, they came...

You are always blaming
the other prisoners.

Now, get on with it.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

I'm going to wash your
car and dry it at once!

Very well!

I-I-I'm sorry, I...

When you are
finished drying the car...

you can dry me!

A detailed map of Endhaven.

Antiaircraft batteries.

Camouflaged Messerschmitt field.

Uh, chemical plants,
storage tanks...

Here's Endhaven, Colonel.

Hmm. Thanks, Kinch.

All right.

Now, there's Endhaven.

And there is Schweinfurt...

A really big target.

Now, if you were going
to bomb Endhaven,

to knock off Schweinfurt,
all you'd have to do

is just turn a couple
of degrees like that.

You mean that's a fake, eh?

Phony as a three-dollar bill.

Latest word from London

is they want this thing
to get to the Germans

so that they'll think the Allies
are going to bomb Endhaven.

But they'll really have
a go at Schweinfurt.

Right. That way, you'll
draw off the Luftwaffe

from the real target.

Marvelous, isn't it?

Now, all we have to
figure is a plausible way

for this thing to
get to the Krauts.

Here comes Schultz.

Guten Tag.

Mail call!

All right, all right.

Let him up, let him up.

Schultz, come on...
One, two, three.

You'll get the Iron
Cross for this, Schultz...

Wounded in action.

Jolly jokers!

Always happens
when I bring the mail.

Adams, Abrams, Addison,
Barker, Beauchamp,

Belknap, Bartoli...
Nothing for us, then?

Hey, Carter, you got a letter.

Come on. Kinchloe, Newkirk...

What about me, huh?

Mmm, yeah, LeBeau. Thank you.

"Colonel Robert Hogan."

Uh-oh.

Trouble, Colonel?

Hope the censor liked my letter.

Got a piano to
play this thing on?

Hey, you guys want
to hear something?

Get this: "Mr. James
Kinchloe, greetings.

"This is to notify you

"that your final
draft classification

is now 4F... Limited service."

Now they tell me.

"Dear John."

Oh, no. That's a shame.

Mary Jane and I were
practically engaged.

I told you about her.

I didn't know her
name was Mary Jane.

It figured.

We've been going together
ever since we were kids.

We used to walk home
from school together.

I'd carry her books.

When there was snow
on the ground, I carried her.

She's a small girl.

Tough luck, Carter.

We were going to be
married right after the war.

Now she's going around
with some guy at home...

An air raid warden.

It's all a part of life's
rich pattern, Andrew.

That's right; forget it.

Write her off.

Write her off?!

No, sir, Mary Jane
can't do this to me!

I'm a sergeant.

Sir, Sergeant Carter,
Andrew J., reporting, sir.

At ease, Carter.

Sir, request
permission to escape.

I hear you calling, Mary Jane.

I want to go home.

Who doesn't?!

You feeling all right, Andrew?

Of course I am.

He's 'round the bend, sir.

Sir, I'm sure I could make it

if you'd arrange for the sub

to pick me up at
the usual place.

Wait, wait a minute, Carter.

I explained to you
when you were captured.

We're not just ordinary POWs.

We're here on a mission.

My orders are very plain.

We're to assist Allied
prisoners to escape,

sabotage the enemy
wherever possible.

I realize that, sir,
but I need a furlough.

I'm a hardship case.

That we know.

I'll think it over.

Yes, sir.

Carter, do you have
to be so, so military?

I always get this way
when I'm serious, sir.

Why do you have to
go home right now?

We got this job with
the microfilm to do.

If you could only see Mary Jane,

you'd know why
I love her, and...

I know, I know.

You carried each other
home from school every day.

She's everything to me.

Look, Andrew, the war
will be over any minute now.

The Krauts can't
hold on much longer.

Think so? Sure.

Soon as the shooting stops,
you come to Paris with me.

We'll drink wine in the cafes
and we'll eat fantastic food.

We'll see the Eiffel Tower.

The best part of all... girls.

Girls, girls!

You'll have a marvelous time.

That sounds good.

Doesn't it?

That sounds great!

Just one thing about
those girls, though, LeBeau.

What, what?

Are you sure they're the
type Mary Jane'll approve of?

Gin.

Name of the game.

Worthless.

Well, come on, how many you got?

Add 'em up.

Uh, 94 plus gin.

Thanks... for everything.

I've blitzed you 12 games
right across the board.

That's, uh, 4,128.

How much do I owe you?

Well, I'll forget the odd
cents; it's... $105,000.

I don't have it right now.

You don't have
to worry about it.

I mean, unless you're
planning to escape.

It wouldn't be right to run out
on a debt of this magnitude.

You'll get it.

$105,000?

Sure.

As soon as I get home,

I'll start sending you
five bucks a month.

Would that I had
your moral fiber.

Here he comes.

You know what to do.

Hi, Carter.

Hi, Colonel Hogan.

Guten Tag, Sergeant.

Hi, Fraulein Helga... ma'am.

Working hard?

Uh, about the same as always.

We never get a chance
to talk very much, do we?

It seems there's
always people around.

Yeah, well, it's a
pretty crowded war.

That's a pity.

We ought to get
better acquainted.

Oh, well, sure.

I wouldn't mind being
friends, even if we are enemies.

Of course, if we were friends,
we could do things together.

Like what?

Oh, I don't know.

You want to help me
empty the wastebasket?

An escape attempt, huh?

Yes, sir.

I'm not sure, but
I have a feeling

it may happen any time.

You are informing on
your own men. Why?

I don't want
anybody to get hurt.

Sometimes the men
forget they're dealing with

the toughest commandant
in all of Germany,

Oh, ja, ja, ja... tough.

But fair.

So true.

Well, a word to the wise.

And you are a wise colonel.

Oh, ja, ja, ja, ja...
Tough... fair... and wise.

I will take steps immediately.

Report!

All present

and accounted for,
Herr Kommandant!

Very good!

I will address the prisoners.

Silence! Lately, I have noticed

a lack of discipline...

which may mean that some
of you are planning to escape.

Now, instead of waiting
to catch you, because...

I am tough, fair and wise,

I warn you in advance.

If even one man tries to escape,

every prisoner in his barracks
will be punished with him.

Sir?

Yes?

Does that apply

to hardship cases?

I was hoping to marry
Mary Jane one day.

Boy, she's the
greatest little girl

in the whole world.

Carter, come here. Sit down.

My feet are killing me.

Listen, Carter,

let me cheer you up.

Women are like war...

There is always
another coming around.

Carter...

you wouldn't think of
doing something foolish

like, uh, trying to escape, huh?

Well... Carter, please.

You could put me
into lots of trouble.

They might send me
to the eastern front.

Gee, I wouldn't
want that to happen.

And that's not the worst of it.

They might give
me ten days leave.

What's wrong with
that, for Pete's sake?

I would have to
spend it with my wife.

Carter, please, don't escape.

I'll tell you what.

When I do escape,

I'll do it some time
when you're not on duty.

That way they can't blame you.

You're a good boy.

You feel better?

Oh, talking to you
has cheered me up.

Thank you, Carter.

Carter?

Yes, sir.

Oh, at ease.

You can go home.

Thank you, sir.

I'll never forget you for this.

LeBeau?

Oui?

You can have my
harmonica, if you want it.

Hey, thank you, Andrew.

I'll think of you
when I play it.

Chateaubriand again, huh?

Hey, fellows, come on,
let me have your attention.

Not you, Carter,
you're out of it.

You're going home.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Look, uh, I just got
word from London.

They want that microfilm
planted within 48 hours,

and I've got an idea.

One of us has to leave
camp and get caught.

When the Krauts search
him, they'll find the microfilm.

Oh, a man could get 30
days solitary for that, sir.

Oui, and maybe
worse. That's right.

Well, how's he going to explain
having the lighter and the film?

He could say he got it
from a transient prisoner,

found it... anything.

The transient prisoner
lie would be better, sir.

Thank you, Carter.

Well, what do you think of it?

With all due respect, sir,
I think it's bloody awful.

I agree. No good. Terrible.

All right, you guys come
up with something better.

Well, if you ask
me, it's a great idea.

We ain't asking you.

If you like it so much,

you do 30 days in a cooler.

I can't, I'm going home.

Yeah, I don't suppose
it would do any good

to ask for volunteers.

No. I pass.

Me, too.

I'd go out myself,

but if they found
it on an officer,

it would really
look like a plant.

Hey, come on, fellows.

We've done tougher
things than this before.

Aw, butt out.

He's in again.

Of course I am.

As long as I'm here,

I'm still a member
of this outfit.

Sir, I'd like to
volunteer for that job.

You're kidding.

It means 30 days
on ice, maybe more.

He's right.

Can I go home when it's over?

You have my word on it.

Then I still volunteer.

Carter, it's a privilege

to serve in the
same army with you.

All right, all clear
outside the wire.

Down periscope.

Ready, Colonel.

Okay, Carter, now, look,
it's all clear to the woods.

You go out through
the emergency tunnel.

This is the cigarette lighter
with the microfilm in it.

Right.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Bonne chance. KINCH:
Good luck, Andrew.

LeBeau? What?

If anything should go wrong,

send my harmonica to Mary Jane.

Guten Abend.

Hi.

You mind if I sit here?

Go ahead.

Infantry?

Artillery.

Uh...

Private, huh?

Ja.

Ever thought about a promotion?

Like to be a PFC,
maybe even a corporal?

Why not?

Means more money.

What's it to you?

I'm an escaped American
prisoner from Stalag 13.

I have valuable
military information.

If you turn me in,

you're liable to
get some points,

maybe even be a hero.

Listen, friend, I am
on my first leave.

My first leave in
a year and a half.

I don't want any complications.

It's the truth.

You'll always be a private.

Excuse me, uh, Captain.

Excuse me. Ja, what is it?

Uh, I'm an American escaped
prisoner from Stalag 13,

and I might have valuable
military information,

and if you were to turn me in...

Hans, isn't it marvelous

the way the Gestapo
is always testing us?

Ja. Ja.

In Dusseldorf, last
week, one of their men...

Excuse me...

One of your men Your men.

Approached me to
buy military information.

Imagine.

Congratulations.

You belong to a very
efficient organization.

Wait a minute.

You don't understand.

Look, here's my mother's
name and there's my I.D.

Heil Hitler.

My dog tag... Heil Hitler.

Heil...

Sir...

Papers, please.

Captain, all in order.

Thank you.

Uh, don't bother
looking at his papers.

What makes you say that?

You may catch one of your own.

Gestapo?

Ja, ja, ja.

Excuse me. All in order?

Now, mein Herr,

may I see your papers, please?

You sure can.

I-I thought you'd
never get to me.

Muller, would you look at that?

Mother's name, serial number.

Even a blood type.

You have to admit,

Section Nine in Berlin
makes beautiful forgeries.

That's no fake.

Of course not, Sergeant
Carter, Andrew J.

You know, with that,
anybody in the world

would take you to be
an American prisoner.

Heil Hitler... comrade.

Honestly, I-I...

You are so sad.

Aw, nobody believes
anybody anymore.

Oh? And, uh, what would
you have them believe?

The truth.

My name is Carter, Andrew J.

And, uh, I am Mady.

Hi.

I'm an escaped American
prisoner from Stalag 13,

and I have valuable
military information.

Not so loud.

I don't care if
anybody hears me.

I am not in sympathy with them.

I am Norwegian by birth.

Oh, that's nice.

And, um, I will
help you, if I can.

You want to make
a citizen's arrest?

Me?

I know it's kind of
unusual for a girl.

You are trying to be arrested?

I was, but I've struck out.

Boy, it's discouraging.

No, no, don't turn yourself in.

Why don't you go
back to your camp

and get a good night's rest,

and, in the morning, things
will look much better, yes?

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea.

My dad used to say that.

Get a good fresh
start in the morning.

That's what I'll do.
Without this card.

Gee, Mady, thanks a lot.

You're swell.

Ja, and so are you, Ami.

Gee, you didn't have to do that.

Ah, you are leaving, sir?

May I be of service?

My car is outside.

Well, as a matter
of fact, you can.

If it's not out of your way,

you can drive me back to camp.

Good.

Then we left the cafe,

and when I questioned
him in the car,

the real truth came out.

Thank you, Captain.

You are a foolish man.

And after I warned you.

Don't you know that no one
has ever escaped from Stalag 13?

He forgot.

He will have 30 days in
the cooler to remember.

Yes, sir.

Can I have my
cigarette lighter back?

No one is permitted
to smoke in the cells.

Request denied.

It's just a
keepsake, that's all.

Give the kid his lighter.

Just a minute.

A keepsake?

What is so special about this?

Aha.

Where did you get this?

Yes, where did you get this?

I was walking along the street,

and this guy came
up to me, and...

Go into that later.

This must go to Berlin at once.

Of course. I'll arrange it.

I will arrange it, Colonel.

Yes, you'll arrange it.

In the future, I suggest

you guard your
prisoners more carefully.

Heil Hitler. Heil Hitler.

Not a very friendly type.

Silence!

You and this man
have made a fool of me

in front of the Gestapo, in
front of my own command.

I hope you're satisfied.

Yes, I'm satisfied.

Are you satisfied, Carter?

Oh, I'm satisfied.

You satisfied, Schultz?

Me, I'm satisfied.

Herr Kommandant,
are you satisfied?

Of course I'm satis...

Take him away!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

You think he's satisfied?

Why don't you ask him?

Herr Komm...

Schultz!

Well, we're going
to miss you, Andrew.

That we will.

Shoving off, Carter? Yes, sir.

Thanks a lot for getting
me out of the cooler.

You deserve it.

The raid was a big success.

Colonel Hogan told
Klink he'd file a report

with the Red Cross
and it'll wind up in Berlin.

Colonel Hogan, I have decided

that I will suspend
the sentence... hmm!

I'll see you later.

Good luck.

Happy landings, gov. Thanks.

And give Mary
Jane our best, huh?

Sure... Mary Jane?!

Yeah, when you get home.

I'm not going home.

I'm going into town to see Mady.

She kissed me, you know.

Look,

there's something
you ought to learn,

and the sooner you learn it,

the better off
you're going to be.

Women are just like war...

There's always another
one coming along.