Hogan's Heroes (1965–1971): Season 1, Episode 20 - It Takes a Thief... Sometimes - full transcript

CBS presents this
program in color.

Come on, let's go.

Ah, I could have sworn
you had me beat, Schultz.

You played like a
master, right up to the end.

Such bad luck! I
do not understand it.

And you practically promised
me that I'm going to win.

Well, maybe better
luck this time, Schultzie.

No, no, no, no.

If Commandant Klink catches
me, he will send me to the front.

Oh, how stupid of me,
just to lose a month's salary.

Well, have it your way, Schultz.



You may be walking
away from a winner.

I am walking.

Anyone open?

I'm in for five.

While I am
temporarily out of funds,

I am sure that,
uh, my integrity...

Uh-uh-uh-uh, Schultz.

Cash game only. Sorry.

Wait a minute, Colonel Hogan.

You used to pay me
for certain informations.

No, Schultz, I wouldn't
want you to be a traitor.

Ah, you're too fine for that.

Much too fine.

A lovely person.



Oh, I'm no better
than anyone else.

Well, if you put it
that way, Schultz...

A small bridge was blown up

five miles from here last night.

Oh, blimey.

Come on, Schultz. You can do
better than that. We're gypped.

Hey, that's not
worth five dollars.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait a minute.

He's in. But you'll
have to come up

with better than that,
Schultz, if anybody raises.

All right. Cards?

Three.

Three for the Colonel.

Schultzie?

None.

Oh!

I'll take two.

Carter?

One.

One, and three for the dealer.

It's up to you.

Hmm.

Ten dollars, huh?

On what?

You could buy the whole
bleeding bridge for less than that.

Forget it!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
Give him a chance.

We have here a man who
wants to betray his country.

Let's give him a chance.

Thank you.

What's the information?

The night before,

two miles from the bridge,

a barn was set on fire.

A barn?

The Commandant thinks

an underground band
is working around here.

Ten dollars?

Ten dollars.

What have you got, Schultz?

A beautiful full house!

Aw, wouldn't you know?

I draw two more kings.

That makes four of a kind.

You're a bad poker player,
but a wonderful traitor.

Don't you post sentries?

Don't go for the rifles. It
would be most impractical.

Just a moment.

Uh, we may be on the same side.

You are American and French?

I don't know whether we
want to be on the same side.

No sentries... a lantern
you could see a mile away...

your guns out of reach.

We are very young in the
underground, Monsieur.

Well, you're not going
to get very old in it,

the way you're going.

Sit down.

You, uh, look out.

But she's French!

And I'm American. Look out.

Yes, sir.

There are only two of you?

We have more.

Unfortunately, we are only four.

But if you are also
operating as an underground,

perhaps we could work together.

Possible.

Three nights ago,
we burned up a barn.

Two nights ago,
we blew up a bridge.

That's too much
risk for too little.

But we are too few to do more.
How many men do you have?

Look, the less you know about
me and the less I know about you

is that much less the
Gestapo can find out,

in case any of us are captured.

Yes, of course. I see that.

If I could find
you, so can they.

Yes, this is what
we have needed...

Someone to lead us.

We will learn from
you, my friend.

Sir, planes. American
bombers, I think.

There's a railroad near here.

They're probably after it.

Douse that fire,
and put out the light.

It's coming closer.

We'll have a better
chance outside. Come on.

It's pretty dark when
you're flying up there.

You're a flyer?

Mm-hmm.

Would you rather be
up there with them?

Not at the moment.

I must be peculiar.

There are many things
I like about the war.

Oh, not the killing, no.

But... when one understands

that in war there
is so little time,

then one can use that time.

You know?

I think I do.

One can even use

the moment when...

when bombs are falling.

Especially when
bombs are falling.

I can say that I like
your arm around me.

I can say you are a
very attractive man.

You know, tomorrow, the
Germans may shoot us.

Or our friends up there
may kill us by accident.

But what's left of tonight...

Or tomorrow...

One can use.

One can live.

Is that a terrible thing to say?

No.

It's a beautiful thing to say.

Sir, they have gone
on toward the railroad.

Sir?

Here!

A munitions train exploded!

Here! A Tiger tank was stolen.

And here, a whole
ammunition dump was blown up!

Do you see that, Klink?

Yes, I see it. I see it.

Every X an unsolved
act of sabotage

in the last six months.

That is disgraceful,
absolutely disgraceful.

All in a circle
around this area.

And what is in the
center of that circle, Klink?

Well, now...

it, uh looks like Stalag 13.

It is Stalag 13.

Now, certainly the
Gestapo does not think

that there is any connection...?

The Gestapo thinks,
Colonel Klink...

that if you were awake
instead of asleep,

you would have caught
those responsible.

But my duties here
are in making Stalag 13

an unbreakable band of steel.

Well, of course, the best
officers are at the front.

That was very well put.

Except...

for those of us
entrusted with security.

I took one look at this map,

and I knew that a
powerful band of partisans

were operating in this area.

Now, how best to find them?

By posing as another band.

Don't tell me you've
found them already?

In less than a week.

Contact was made last night.

And they did not suspect anyone?

Absolutely nothing.

Tough luck, mon colonel.

The whole set-up was a phony.

I should have known it.

But you didn't tell them

anything, Colonel.

What harm is it?

Nothing I won't get over.

A brilliant operation.

Now, how do you
intend to capture them?

I will lead the entire
band into a trap.

You will be waiting
with your guards.

But, uh...

Captain, my men
are not trained for this.

You said yourself, the
best men are at the front.

I-I have the dregs
here, nothing but dregs.

We will make do.

Tonight, the leader
of the partisans

will suggest to
me a joint mission,

and I know exactly
what that mission will be.

How do you know?

Take a look at the map, Klink.

The only strategic target
in the area they have not hit.

Not Stalag 13!

No, not Stalag 13!
The railroad tunnel!

We will trap them in
there like flies in a bottle.

How come we never
blew up that tunnel before?

Just never got
around to it, Colonel.

Well, we're going to do it now.

They're going to do it now.

The Gestapo?

Don't you just know it!

That is the target?

That's right... Stalag 13.

But-but I... I
thought that possibly

the railroad tunnel
north of here...

Small potatoes.

Just think of hundreds of
POW's scattered across Germany.

It would take a
division to round 'em up.

Yes, that is correct.

But... how would
you free so many?

Dynamite.

Dynamite the guard
towers, dynamite the fences.

Dynamite!

But where would you get it?

That's your part
of the operation.

We'll supply the men.
You supply the explosives.

All right?

Well, meet here tomorrow night.

Just a moment!

You cannot leave like this.

We must... we must make plans.

We must exchange information.

We must... we must make plans.

I've made my plans.

You just come up with the stuff.

Please?

Ah, oui.

Lookout.

You were going off?

Just like that?

You are very busy tonight.

It's a busy war.

I have changed my mind.

I do not like war.

This operation...

You are going on with them?

We're all going on it.

But do you think you
know them well enough?

After it's over, we'll all
know each other better.

You know, I've been thinking.

Why couldn't we run away?

We could get out of Germany.

It could be just the two of us.

We could be free.

Was last night...

all on my part...

not on yours?

In war, you survive
by not getting involved.

Not getting too close.

Works better that way.

I see.

It's hard.

You meet someone, and
she is on the other side.

I'm going to ask
Klink for a furlough.

I need it. I really need it.

Jawohl, Herr Kapitan.

Get a detail.

You will fill this requisition.

I will be with Commandant Klink.

It will be done, Herr Kapi...

It will be done, Herr Kapitan!

Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan!

Coming, Schultz.

Colonel Hogan,
a prisoner detail.

Colonel Hogan, you have
to get a prisoner detail

to load 12 cases of dynamite
on the truck right away.

Colonel Hogan, you wish
to load it yourself, huh?

We'll run into
somebody, Schultz.

Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha-What's this?

Would you believe it, Schultz?

We found out all
the dynamite in here

was absolutely worthless!

Here, let me show you.

No, please!

Worthless? Mm-hmm.

So we figured we'd replace it

with some of the good
stuff from down below.

I mean, after all,

Klink's been like a
father to us, you know.

The least we could do is...

Please, Colonel Hogan.

This is a matter
for the Gestapo.

I have to report it.

On some occasion,
I look the other way,

because in war, I do
not want to take sides,

but this I must report.

I agree with you, Schultz.

You do? Why?

A matter of honor.

I also think we should
make a clean breast

of the poker game, too.

The po-po-po... poker game?

After all, to ask a man
to betray his country...

I want to get that off my chest.

Colonel Hogan, I see nothing.

They are attacking
Stalag 13 tonight?

Hello.

What are you doing?

I'm calling Berlin for troops.

Pull yourself together, Klink.

Berlin cannot spare troops.

They will not be needed.

But I thought the
railroad tunnel, uh...

flies in the bottle?

That was changed.

Your men will shoot them down

when they're trying to
dynamite the guard towers.

Dynamite the guard towers?

It is not real dynamite.

Oh, yes, of course.
Uh, we arranged for that.

We arranged.

It is being loaded
on my truck now!

Aha. Wait.

How many men do they have?

From what direction
are they attacking?

At what time?

Klink... when I find out,

I will tell you...

on this.

Aha, the radio.

You will have it
manned at all times.

At all times, sir.

And remember, Klink...

the Gestapo does not want a
single man to escape this trap.

I shall accept the
responsibility, Captain.

Good.

Uh, Captain...

they could perhaps
spare a battalion?

I must protest, Colonel Klink,

the use of prisoners of
war to load munitions.

That's a direct violation
of the Geneva convention.

Mm-hmm.

Anyone blown up?

No thanks to that
vicious Sergeant Schultz,

and furthermore...

Furthermore, I am
glad you are here.

By my orders, all prisoners

are confined to
the barracks tonight,

and anyone caught in
the compound will be shot.

Something big in the wind?

I cannot discuss it.

Shortwave set.

Hey, you're setting up a
command post here, huh?

A command post.

I suppose it is a field
commander's duty

to stay a bit behind
the firing line.

From that window there,
you get a perfect view

of the entire operation,
whatever that is.

Yes.

This shall be my command post.

Colonel Hogan. Hmm?

Tonight, you're going to see

that I'm more than
just a desk officer.

Tonight, you're going to
see the other side of Klink.

Well, I'm sorry, sir, I'll-I'll
be confined to barracks.

I give you permission to peek.

No, thanks.

I can't stand the
sight of blood.

Yes, we are ready.

The rest of your
men are outside?

This is it.

This is it?

You propose to attack
Stalag 13 with three men?

Yeah, we've been
thinking about that.

You were right. Let's
blow up the tunnel.

You cannot do that!

Why not?

You got the
dynamite, didn't you?

Well, of course, but...

Tell me something.

Did you do all this
sabotage with three men?

We take vitamins.

Let's go. No, I, uh...

I will join you outside.

I, uh, will meet
you at the truck.

I have to check my ammunition.

I have just the man for that.

He's in charge of
ammunition and demolition.

Glad to do it. Yeah, glad to.

No, I have to...

I have to do it myself.

A soldier's superstition.

I will meet you at the truck.

Have it your way.

All right, I want you in
the tunnel with these two,

plant the dynamite. And me?

In the tunnel.

But, sir, you can't let her...

In the tunnel.

Kommandant Klink.

Kommandant Klink!

Jawohl, Herr Kapitan, jawohl.

He wants troops to surround
our men in the tunnel.

You think I should send him any?

Well, at least you
could promise, Kinch.

I mean, how much
could that cost?

I shall send 50 men
with myself leading them.

We shall catch them
like flies in a bottle.

You sounded like
Klink's own brother.

You're not related, are you?

I'll have to ask him.

One, two, three,
one, two, three.

One, two, three...
one, two, three.

One, two, three...
Herr Kommandant!

I've found the trouble.

The wires are cut.

That's good news?

It means they're
already inside the camp.

Shall I alert the troops,
Herr Kommandant?

Yes, Schultz, alert the troops.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Wait, I'll come with you.

This should just
about do it, boys.

There's enough stuff in here

to bring down this
whole mountain.

Of course... the whole mountain.

Hey, hon!

The job should be done by now.

Yes, the whole job.

Any minute now.

Get away!

Get away, please!

Get away! Don't you understand?

He's a Gestapo officer!

It is already too late.

Colonel Klink and his
troops from Stalag 13

are surrounding us now.

You mean we're not
going to blow up the tunnel?

The dynamite is fake.

Would you like
me to demonstrate?

What happened?

I think what happened is you
pushed that little thing down.

Too bad those other fellows
wanted to wait in the tunnel.

At least that should attract
Klink's attention, shouldn't it?

You have tricked me!

Klink is not coming!

Could've told you he was
unreliable if you'd asked me.

Do not make a move toward me.

Wouldn't dream of it.

Try a little choke.

Can't you stop him?

All of my family's in France.

If he tells the Gestapo

I betrayed him, they're...
they're going to...

Don't worry about it, honey.

I don't think he's going
to say a word to anybody.

Schultz!

I can't understand
it. Where are they?

They couldn't have
dropped them by parachute?

Herr Kommandant,
the ground is very hard.

I shoot much
better standing up...

which isn't so good, either.

Schultz, stay down, stay down.

We must be ready. We must be...

What's that?

It sounds like a
truck... or a tank.

A tank? They're
attacking in tanks.

Fire, Schultz.

Commence firing!

Are they still attacking?

It looks like one is
attacking, Herr Kommandant.

One? Who is it?

It is...

It was the Gestapo captain.

What?

Why should the Gestapo
captain want to attack us?

We'll get you out of Germany.

We have sort of a
transportation corps.

You will come, too?

After the war.

After the war.

I do not like war.

No.

You, uh, heard what happened
last night, Colonel Hogan?

Something happened?

I slept like a baby.

Last night, not five
miles from here,

a railroad tunnel was blown up.

A railroad tunnel?

Yes.

Now, were not all
prisoners confined

to the barracks last night,

I might suspect
you of complicity.

How utterly unfair.

However...

in a more or less
related incident,

a Gestapo captain
who was trying to...

How sad. What's so sad?

That he was shot by the
saboteurs while trying to escape.

That's what you were
trying to tell me? No!

Yes!

He was shot by the saboteurs.

My official report to Berlin.

Thank you, Colonel
Hogan, you may go.

Was he a nice fellow?

What, the Gestapo man?

What difference does it make?

None... just they need
nice fellows... you know?