High Maintenance (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Scromple - full transcript

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[woman sobbing]

He... and he...
[sobbing continues]

[horns honk outside]

So, we've gone quite a bit over,

and we need to wrap up.

But I think you should
call a close friend.

I don't think you should
be alone right now.

You look like you could use a hug.

[sighs] Okay.

Do you want to...

keep your same appointment
time for next week?

Actually, would it be possible for me
to come back first thing on Monday?

I'm sorry, I'm all
booked up for Monday.

Friday is still the only day that I
can accommodate a double session.


You're doing great work, Natalie.

I'll... see you next week.

- Thank you. [Crying]
- Take care.

[muffled crying]

[door closes] [sighs]

♪ ♪

[sobbing] No, she said that I
shouldn't be alone. [Mutters]


♪ ♪

[coughing] Shit.

♪ I'm ♪

♪ Home again ♪

[music stops] [curtain rustles]

- Hi.
- Any trouble breathing?

- No.
- Impaired vision or headaches?

- No.
- Any allergies to medications?

No. Pain level on a scale of one to 10,

one being no pain at all, and 10 being
the worst pain you can imagine?

Uh... ss-seven.

Hmm. All right.

I'll come back and give you
something for the pain.

Oh, no. What...
what's in that bag?

That's just fluids. Oh. No, I'm okay.
I don't want drugs.

Are you sure? Yeah, I'm... No,
I mean, I'm okay. I'm cool.

Okay. Well, if you change your
mind, that's your call button.

Okay. Thank you.

[people chattering]
We don't have enough beds.

I don't know why
we don't have enough beds,

but I can't make the beds...
[chatter continues]

You think I should tell 'em?
I mean, I don't...

Wait. You didn't tell the lady
that was asking the questions

- when we got here?
- I didn't know what to say.

Do you you think you can get it out?

I tried. My hand doesn't go up that far.

- Yeah.
- I mean, listen,

they're gonna get up there, and
they're gonna find that anyway.

I should just tell them, right?

- What's your friend's name?
- Fermuth.

Yes, yes, we admitted him.
He's up in 307.

- These elevators over here?
- Yes.

[speaking Hindi]

Are y'all watching
"Dancing with the Stars" this week?

- No, I'm not. Oh.
- Yes!

It's beginning to be
more of the same, though.

Needs new judges if you ask me.

Who are the judges this time, huh?

Some ones. I don't care
for that backup dancer.

- Oh, who you like?
- The girl from that group

- and the football player.
- Oh, how about the housewife?

The technical judge told her she needed
to do more than trying to be sexy,

which is funny to me,
because she can't dance.

- Oh.
- Hey, Sid.

- What?
- You okay?

[sighs] Yeah.
I... I got a pain.

He's been eating like a pig.

- It's my prostrate.
- It's "prostate."

What'd I eat last night?

Yeah, you had
that scungeel or something.

- Yeah. Would it...
- Where are you going?

- I gotta take a piss.
- Down the hall. You okay?

Could she smile? Would it kill her?
[curtain rustles]

- Oh, but she's working.
- Yeah, she's working.

They're like that.
They don't smile.

They work very hard here.
She works very hard.

- I worked hard.
- Shh! Quiet.

[indistinct chatter]

[curtain rustles]

those teeny, tiny feet.

She wears the hell out of those shoes.
They are fabulous.

[indistinct chatter continuing]



[coughs] Shit.



[phone clicks]

[phone camera clicking]


[chatter continuing]

[phone whooshing]


Let me see what I can find.

I'd like some water please.

Water. Yes, I already got water.

All right, I'll bring
you water if you want.

You need a pillow?

Is someone getting me the water?

- ...pillow.
- My throat is so dry.

Okay, just lay back, feel better.

[phone whooshes, clicks]
[chattering continues]

Have you had a bowel movement today?

[phone chimes]

Are you on any medication?

Any allergies?

Any allergies to medications?

[exhales] [child crying] Mommy!


[child shouts]

Hey, hey, put your arms down.

It's okay.
It's okay.

Shh, shh.
[chatter fades]


[inhales sharply] Ah.



[humming, beeping]

[clicking rapidly]

[curtain rustles] Okay, okay.
What's going on in here?

Um, the pain is much worse now.
It's like an eight or a nine,

so can I please get
the-the... the drugs?

Okay. Yeah, sure.
Hold on.

Oh my God.


[curtain rustles] Hi.

[high-pitched humming]
[voices whispering]

[heartbeat thumping]

♪ [noises stop]

And I know...

daggers have been at your throats.

To the ones who were never
told that they are worthy

of every good and perfect thing

'cause you didn't pray
to the God you grew up with

or fall in love with the boy
you were supposed to,

or in my case, any boy at all.

All of you with your faith that
all of this has been a rehearsal,

some strange experiment in suffering.

You are not charity cases.

- No.
- Not victims.

Yeah. Not history's bad-luck accidents.

So, to the trying ones,
the deliberate ones,

the holding-on ones,
just praise.

- Yes.
- Praise your body

in the way you woke up this morning.

Praise the miracle and the mess.

Yes. Yes.
[man laughs]

Praise the language you were born with

and the ones you're learning.


Praise the child you were

and the adult you are still becoming.

- Praise the becoming.
- Amen.

Praise the journey.

Praise the fight.
Praise the wherewithal.


Praise the riding of wind

without asking permission.


[camera clicks]

Praise that there is
so much... of you left,

and praise the otherworldly
algorithm that is your heart.


Especially that.

Revolution is the sound...

of your heart...

still beating.

So, praise.

- Amen.
- Amen.

♪ ♪

[lively chattering]

[camera clicking]

♪ ♪

Oh my God. Tara.

Hey, girl.

- How you doing?
- I'm good.

I haven't seen you in so long.
Where you been?

I went to Guam, girl, and I bought
some titties. You like 'em?

Indeed you did.
Look at you, girl.

They did good.
Well, let me see.

- Look at that.
- Oh, now.

- Yeah, it's like a marshmallow.
- That's not bad at all.

This one is not so great.

- Well, fraternal twins.
- Yeah, yeah.

[woman laughs] [indistinct chatter]

[camera clicks]

Cameron and Alex, this is Julia.
Julia, Cameron and Alex.

- What's up?
- How you doing?

So, Julia's the one

that's gonna help us
with our online presence,

maybe do a little something
for us with social media,

maybe make our website
a little prettier.


- I really loved the sermon, by the way.
- Well, thank you.

- You go to church?
- No way.

- Oh no. "No way."
- No. What I mean is,

I went to Catholic school for years.
My parents still go to Mass.

Yeah, this is definitely not
anything like Mass.

No, it isn't.
I really liked it.

Pastor Mel!
Pastor Mel!

- We've got a drama.
- We have a drama,

and I have to follow it.
Hey, this week works for you?

- Absolutely.
- Please text me the address.

- It's good to see you.
- I will. It's good to see you too.

Would you two mind if I take a picture
of you? The light is nice.

- Oh yeah, yeah, not at all.
- Cool.

[clicks] How long have you
guys been coming here?

Uh, maybe a year, year and a half?

Six months for me.
It feels like a lot longer.

I mean, everybody's
like family here, you know?

Yeah, it's like the Olive Garden.


Yeah, kind of like that.

[indistinct chatter]


♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[phone buzzes]

♪ ♪



[indistinct chatter]


And a lighter? Thank you.
[register beeps, clicks]


[distant siren wails]

This one I thought was kind of cool.


Yeah. You know, if you could just
make it a little less, uh...

They're kind of too good.
Do you know what I mean?

Sure, yeah.
No, totally.

This is just
a jumping-off point.

Right. I... I don't want it
to feel like

there's a marketing team
behind all this.

I mean, you seen my people. Mmhmm.

I don't want 'em to feel
like they're being sold to.

Yeah. No, totally.

I, um, I took a lot more photos

the other night that I'm using here.

Like that one...
I thought was cool.

- Mmhmm.
- Yeah.

So, why don't I come back
to the Tuesday night service,

take some more,
get a little more inspiration?

Oh yeah, we'd love
to have you come back.

Okay. Thank you for coming
all the way out here.

I know it's a hassle.
No, not at all.

Thank you for taking us on. I mean,
I know we're not paying, but...

No, no, it's my pleasure.

[softly] Thank you.

- That's a good one.
- Oh. Yeah.

My friend got this for me.
It's definitely...

not pot.

- Hey.
- It is just my pens.

No judgments.
We all have our vices.


I think God's dealing with
bigger things these days.

[chuckles] [tapping]


♪ ♪


[music stops] Did you
bring any weed with you?

No, I spent the night
at my boyfriend's,

and he smoked me out before I left.

All right.
I had to ask.

♪ ♪


[phone whooshes]

[creaking] [music stops]



♪ ♪


[phone ringing] [music stops]

[clicks] Hi. I've been trying
to call you all day.

Why aren't you picking up?

Oh shit.

♪ ♪

♪ Oh no, no, no ♪

♪ Did you ever notice? ♪


[whistling, distorted]
♪ Did you ever notice? ♪

[heart monitor beeping] [sputters]

[indistinct chatter]

- No?
- Yeah, yeah. We'll see. We'll see.

- You're kind of cute.
- Yeah, I'm still having fun, but...

I'm glad you are, but I'm never touching
Tinder again.

[woman laughs]


What the...?

[both laugh] [howls]

What the fuck is up with my...

[heart monitor beeping, distorted]

♪ ♪


[The Guy laughing]

He's breaking.

Oh damn.


Oh yeah, boy.

[music slows, stops]

- Hey.
- Oh hey!

I know you...

from old.

My tongue feels crazy.

Excuse me. Why doesn't
he have a cast on?

The weekend surgeon's backed up and
won't be able to see him till Monday.

It's Saturday.

Don't worry. We'll keep
him pain-free till then.

Everything's in double.
Everything is two.

Oh, I see double. Ring the call
button if you need anything.

Thank you.
"Somebody stop me!

That's The Mask.

- I can't see a thing.
- That's 'cause your eyes are closed.

Oh... [deep voice] Wassup?

- [deep voice] Wassup?
- Hey.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

[normal voice] Okay. I brought you
the clothes that you asked me for.


Oh. And...


What is it?
Open your eyes.

I can't.


You got that for me?

Oh. Yeah.

Buddy. [Chuckles]
Oh, I'm sorry.

Here, you can save 'em for later.


Why didn't you call me?

Call you what?

When you got hurt. Why
didn't you tell me sooner?

You were busy!

That's bullshit.
We're family, man.

- You were busy!
- [softly] Yeah.

[deep voice] "When you're
here, you're family."

"The Olive Garden."

Exactly. Thank you.

Well, family band.
What you wanna sing?

I'll sing whatever you want.

- ♪ Terminator ♪
- Hmm.

- Is that the theme song?
- ♪ Ter... ♪

It is the theme song, but slowed.

♪ What are you up to,
Elisabeth Shue? ♪

- "Elisabeth Shue"? [Chuckles]
- ♪ What are you up to ♪

♪ Elisabeth Shue? ♪

- It's a question.
- Shh, shh, shh.

[whispers] Where is Elisabeth Shue?

I don't know.
At home?

- ♪ What are you up to ♪
- Shh!

♪ Elisabeth Shue? ♪

- ♪ What are you up to, Elisabeth Shue?
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.


♪ To, Elisabeth Shue? ♪

- Shh!
- I'm sorry. I'll stop.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.


[indistinct chattering]

[woman speaking Tagalog]

[continues speaking Tagalog]

[cell phone whooshing]



[The Guy mimics Schwarzenegger]
Yes, the flavor's are awesome.

Cocoa is very nice.
[both laugh]

It's good texture.

Perfectly-balanced pudding.

[snorts] There's no hint of scandal.

You're the nicest woman.

[softly] No.

[normal voice] This woman is great.
The world's gotta know.

Thank you.

You are a best couple for all time.


Where'd you get it?
I got it from the nurse.

Thanks, Scromple.
Thank you, Scromp.

Hey, do you think we
should call Mike and Judy?

[clicks tongue, inhales]

No, I think Mom and Dad
are gonna worry too much.

Let's just...

- [whispers] Hey.
- [whispers] Hey.

Let's smoke some pot.

Dude, I just did.
You don't remember?

Did I smoke?

Oh, buddy, I want what you're on.

You can have it...
You plug it in right here.

[giggles] I'll have what she's having.
You want...

I'll have the soup.

You can have some of this soup.
I think they have...

they just put it right in.


Do you think I'm a drug addict?

Drag addict?

[both laugh]

[phone ringing]

No, I don't think drug addict.

Well, "G" thinks so.
Where is she?

Where your girlfriend?

She's working.

I love her.
You do?

Yeah, when you have the need,
I will donate the seed

when you need to breed.
That's just weird.

No, I'll just do it with her.
It won't be weird.

I'll just put it in her.
No one will know.

I'm sure Beth will love that.
Who's Beth?

You don't remember Beth?

The teeny tiny Aussie.

Oh yeah, Beth.

Yeah, Beth.
Where is Beth?

Where is Beth?

Where's Beth?

[both laugh]

She's busy, man. Busy!

That's cool. You found
somebody who's not crawling

up your butt every minute of the day.

Yeah, I let her go up
there once or twice.

- Oh, really?
- [laughs] I liked it.

I'm happy for you.
Thank you.

I'm glad somebody's having sex.

Gina and I haven't had sex
in three months.

Hey, let's smoke some pot.
I just smoked.

Oh yeah.

[slurring] Well, "neeseless" to say,
you should take some.

No, I can't.
What are you doing?

Stop stop, stop. Give it to me.
Take some.

Ow. My finger-thing.

Just take some.
Take... take some.

Take what you need.
I can't.

Why not?
Because apparently,

when I smoke weed, I'm not myself.

[mimics Urkel] Did I do that?
[both laugh]

[normal voice] Yeah, I did it.

I did do it. Maybe I'll
just take a little.




Ah. What's the code again?

Same code.
Yeah, but what was it?

It's backwards birthday.
Whose birthday?

That's really sweet, I guess.

It's normal sweet.

No, it's really sweet.

Hey. Hey.

[both laugh]

Let's have a smile-off.

Oh, I think you've just got that
one smile in your repertoire.

I got smiles.

I got one right now.

[both laugh]

It's buffalo smile.

You do one. You don't know...
You don't know how it go.

[laughs] All right, you have buff.
Let's see it.

Let me see.

You're not even looking.

Is it...

This is ridiculous.

[mimics Balki] Don't be
ridiculous, Cousin Larry.

Don't be ridiculous, Cousin Larry.
[both laugh]

♪ ♪

[Jules laughs]

♪ ♪

[door opens]

- Hey, baby.
- Hi, Ju-boo.

How are you?
Pretty good.

How's my baby?

Mmm. Hi.

- How'd everything go today?
- It was fine.

He's a little busted, but he
goes into surgery on Monday.

That's... very nice of
you, to be there for him.

Well, he'd do it for me.

He'd be so fucked
without my insurance.

It's a good thing we didn't
sign the divorce papers yet.

Wait. Are you making
a 'zine for that church?

Let me see this.

Extra credit.

[both laugh]

- Wow.
- You like?

Oh my goodness, Ju-boo.

I'm really impressed.

Jules, this is so cool.

What? What are you doing?


- No. No.
- Your turn.

- Please?
- Baby, I'm tired.

Smile contest.

- Honey.
- Come on.

Come on.
You can do better than that.

[clears throat]

[distant siren wails]

Are you stoned?

No, I'm not.
I just had a good day.

- Okay.
- Come on, your turn.


That's good.

[tapping feet]

Oh. [Laughs]
We're going for it?

Oh. 'Kay. Great.

[laughs] Cool.



[laughs, claps] Okay.

- Fox face.
- Ooh! I like it.

Mmhmm. Big fan.


Oh, that's...
very frightening.


- I'm out. Good night. Do not call me.
- Bye, baby. Okay.

I'm, like, falling off the bed.

You're not falling off the bed.

Look at me, I'm holding
on for dear life.

I promise if you let go,
you're not gonna fall.

I really don't wanna fall.

You are not falling.

Would you call Sarah for me?

I need to talk to her before I die.

You're fine. You just ate
a little too much pot.

My teeth feel brittle.

- Your teeth are also fine.
- There's nothing wrong with you teeth.

I can't breathe. Oh God.
I don't wanna die.

You just gotta chill.

- I don't wanna die.
- Just chill.

You just gotta chill.
That's it. Hey.

What was that?
Holy shit.

Huh. Thanks!

Yeah, lemme know if you need any more.

But I'm gonna give 'em to you.

- Hey, you're a pal.
- Huh?

[man laughs] [heartbeat thumping]

But I'm gonna give 'em to you.

- You're a pal.
- Huh?

- Sharesies.
- You. I always share.

[man laughs]
[high-pitched humming]

Ahh. Mmm.

[child crying] [woman shushing]

It's okay. It's okay.

♪ ♪

["All the Snow Is Gone"
by Sniffle Party playing]

♪ ♪

[song continuing]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪