High Maintenance (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - Steve - full transcript

[HBO] HD. 'Steve.' Season Two Finale. Two couples take to the park for an eclipse; The Guy faces some life changes.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
Excuse me, would you mind

- taking a picture of us real quick?
- Sure.

- Let's shoot this way.
- Great.

Yeah, cool.

Great. Oh, let's
make it the official

divorce portrait.

- Exactly.
- Yeah.


Wow, okay.

Say "no contest."

- No contest.
- No contest.

[camera clicks]

That's the one.
I can... I can feel it.

- Thank you so much.
- Yeah, no problem.

- Have a good one.
- Cool. Thanks, man.

- See ya.
- Have a good eclipse!

You too.

So that's it, huh?


I really enjoyed being married to you.

Yeah, I enjoyed being
married to you too, buddy.

[snorts] And your...

- great beard.
- Oh, thank you very much.

I love you.

I always will.

I love you, too.

♪ ♪

- Shit.
- ♪ I've got a new kind of lullaby ♪

♪ The fiction takes a picture of
what's on my mind ♪ [door closes]

[groans] Hi. Hey.

- I was getting worried.
- Oh, sorry.

My God, the camera place
was a nightmare.

[gasps] Cool.


Hey, how do I look?

- Hey, hey.
- Hmm?

[gasps] Oh my God, you look so hot.

- Really? Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Yes. I look like I sell VHS
tapes in the back of my van.

No, I love it.

[kissing] Oh my God.

- I taught you well.
- Mmhmm.

Okay, babe, we have to go.
We told your sister 12:45.

- Fine. It's okay. She can wait.
- We have to run.

So how much time do you need?

Twenty minutes? I just need
to fuck with this lens.

I'm gonna grab us coffee.
I'll be right back.

Oh my God, you look so good.

I do?

- Whoa.
- That's really good.

♪ ♪

I can't believe somebody
actually made this video.

This guy actually
has really pretty hands.

You sure those are gonna
protect our eyes?


Hey, if it doesn't work, I can just
be your cool, blind boyfriend.

[imitates Al Pacino]
Hoo-ah! Yeah.

[laughs] [chuckles]

- Hooah, Charlie.
- [laughs]

Uh, okay, I would like to be out the
door in 20 minutes. [Phone chimes]

Can we make that happen?

Goddamn it.

- What?
- I mean, it's...

Sorry, not you.
It's my mom.

[typing] "Please tell
me what little man..."

"he represents.

- He is a fucking billionaire."
- No, come on!

Do not engage!
You know how this goes.

I'm sorry, but I have to.

Somebody has to call her
out on this shit.

[typing resumes] "If you think
he has your interests in mind..."

then you have another thing..."

- Would you... I... Let me I have...
- Hey. Babe.

You are not gonna
change her mind today,

or probably ever,

and this is a special
fucking cosmic event

that I really want to share with you

because it only happens
once a century,

and I would really like it
if we could leave in 20 minutes.

Would that be okay? Please,
please, please, please. Mm-hmm.

- Yeah! Okay.
- Okay.

Get dressed.
Wear something nice!

All right. All right, sorry.

Well, you know, technically there is
gonna be another eclipse in 2024,

that you'll actually be able
to see from New York, so...

We're gonna see it.
Get dressed.

♪ ♪

[laughter, indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪

♪ Diddly-dum-dum-day ♪

♪ Diddly-dum-dum-day ♪

You should dress like this all the time.

- Really?
- This is the most you I've ever seen you.

- I don't even know what that means.
- Oh my gosh.

Stand here.
Shut up, let me take a picture.

It's so hot. Here, just part
your mouth a little bit.

Yeah, yeah!

- Oh shit, come here.
- What?

- Oh my God. Oh my God...
- Take this.

I can't believe
this person raised me.

She knows how to push your buttons,

and she's just gonna
keep coming at you,

- so just don't respond.
- "Just because you live around

"a bunch of different races of people,

- "doesn't make you diverse."
- Can a single person be diverse?

[both laughing] Holy shit.

- That was close.
- I told you this was good.

♪ Diddly-dum-dum-day ♪

♪ Doo-dah ♪

♪ Diddly-dum-dum-day ♪

- What did she say?
- "Black Lives Matter is a hate group."

Same as the KKK. All lives
matter, yes, they do."

♪ Rent a bike in the morning ♪
[bike bell rings]

♪ What a way to spend the day ♪

♪ In the evening
when the sun go down ♪

♪ There's always places
to wine and dine ♪

♪ Diddlydum-dum-day ♪

♪ Diddly-dum-dum-day ♪

♪ Diddly-dum-dum-day ♪

♪ Doo-dah ♪

♪ Diddly-dum-dum-day ♪

[indistinct chatter]


[hip-hop music playing]


[indistinct chatter]

Look! Boob!

[indistinct chatter]
Got that on Snapchat.

"Black Lives Matter is a media hoax,

"and if you can't see that,
I feel sorry for you.

"It's the product of fake news,

"and you and your smug liberal friends

keep falling for it."

And what did his mom say?

That was his mom.

Oh. Whew!

All right, that makes more sense.

[groans] There we go.

This is the shot you wanted,

if you could just pedal
a little more to the right.

If you don't paddle too, we're
just gonna keep going in circles.

Oh, babe,
I'm working here. Look.

[laughing] Check this
picture out, though.

He was getting his teeth whitened.

That's why his shirt is off. [Laughter]

You know what they say.
A "like" a day...

- is a bigger way.
- No.

[indistinct chatter]


Looks like the secret's out
on the secret spot.

- Shit.
- Mmm, what about over there?

That's not so bad.

No, I-I don't...

I had a plan and I don't want
to sit with those fucking kids.

It's fine, there's room for everybody.

- Plenty of room. It's gonna be great.
- Extremely crowded.

It's gonna be wonderful. We're
gonna make some new friends.

- Go ahead.
- Gonna be great.

It will be great.

How's it going? What's up?

So, the dude is in high school!

[indistinct chatter]

Do you see them?
I don't see them.

Is that Zach in the glasses?

I don't know.
I don't know anymore.

Zach looks like every white guy.

Oh, wait, you know,
I'll just text them.

Yeah, please do.
I'll just keep paddling.

- Please! Thank you.
- Yep.

[phone chimes]


[indistinct chatter]


No, these are no good.

The rubber cement is...

- I can't see anything.
- Hey, yeah, dude.

You wanna try these?

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

There's like eight million of 'em.

These are so much better.

- I should've gotten these.
- You want a hit of this?

- What's that?
- Oh, fuck.

Yeah. Yeah, I do. Why not? [All cheer]

Special day, right?
Thank you so much.

Wow, wow.

Oh, it's Alina.

Look, look, straight ahead.
Straight ahead, she's coming.

Here she comes.

Here she comes.

Don't be nervous.

Okay, okay.

Come on, take a real hit.

- Zach?
- Yeah?

What are you doing?

Smokin' pot.
It's good.

No, you gotta do it again.

Take it to the chest.

Some of that sweet, sweet THC,
you know what I'm saying?

[indistinct chatter] [phone chimes]

[Zach groans] [Jed laughs]

You guys want some
buttermilk biscuits?

- Absolutely.
- Yes.


Zach. Zach!

- What's going on?
- She just walked away.

What the fuck?

Patience. What? Do you have other
places that you'd rather be today?

Yeah. This sucks,
and I can't feel my ass.

Oh, I see.

Oh, Mr. Davenport.

You have other places you'd
rather be today, Mr. Davenport?

Meetings to attend?

Deals to broker?

Mr. Davenport would
never wear this outfit.

Oh, I think he would.

Dill, chives, rosemary.

Hell yeah!
It's like a salad.

Yeah, I guess.

I'm gonna see if this guy wants some.

- Buttermilk biscuit? Yeah.
- Really?

- Yeah, thank you so much, man.
- Homemade.

There's probably a lot of butter.

Hey, can I actually get
a hit off of that blunt?

[all agreeing]

Once you pop, you can't stop.


Can I call you Roger?
Or is that too casual?

Well, you are my
chiropractor's step-daughter.

Hired solely out of nepotism,

'cause you know how hot
I think nepotism is.

So hot.

I do have a meeting in Munich,

but I can probably...

- Cancel that for me?
- Push that around.

You're so important.

"If the right are the Nazis,

"then the left is the Red Army,

who were worse.
Stop with the lies."

- Wow.
- That makes no sense.

You should probably just stop
responding to her, right?

No, no, no.
It's a fucking obligation

to educate our ignorant,
racist relatives.

True. But maybe not on Facebook.

- I don't know, man.
- That's fucked. I'm sorry.

That's the end of this.

Is that the last joint that we had?

I think we're all out of wine, too.

You know, I can help
on one of those fronts.

Lit. Okay.

And we have some sparkling wine.


[police radio chattering]

Excuse me, sir.

- That's your hammock?
- Uh, yeah. Is everything okay?

You can't hang a hammock
in the middle of the park.

Oh, okay, I can take it down.
You want me to take it down?

No, you know what? Whatever.

It's cool.


Hey, what are you doing?
Why do you keep coming over here?

You're being, like,
um, so standoff-ish.

I just want to be with you.

Try something new.
Hang out with these...

- these peeps. They're chill peeps.
- Let them be chill.

- I don't... I'm not... I just wanna...
- I want you to chill with us.

I don't want to, so have fun.

Now put your hand over my boob.

Oh, yeah, that's hot.

Mmm, no, let's keep this on,
'cause I don't know how to swim.

Oh my God,
the eclipse is on the floor!

When does totality happen?


Which is in, like, three minutes.

♪ I'm eating a bite of this tart ♪

I feel like I'm just
staring at the sun.

Jed! What are you doing?

Neil Delin Tigress,
whatever the fuck his name is,

said that I can use a colander.

Yeah, but you're not
supposed to look up.

Then what the fuck
am I supposed to do?


I think I'm going blind.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.
[phone chiming]

She's texting, she's texting.

- Oh, shit!
- What?

It's happening.

How do I know if I'm going blind?

- Where your retina burns.
- Come here.

- What?
- I need you. Come here, come here.

Here we go!

Just stand there, and...

just shut the fuck up
and look up, okay?

I think it's happening.

Ow, but it...

Ow. Ow. It hurts though.
Okay, look at me.


Okay. So, um...

I know that whenever
we've talked about marriage,

that I've been kinda weird.

Oh, whoa.

I think it's a bit of misogyny
and gender roles

- and stereotypes and...
- Yo! Turn off the music!

And my parents
are fucking weird, and...

like, everyone
we know, like, fucks it up.

And I was just thinking
about fucking it up,

and that if I was gonna
fuck up the rest of my life,

that I-I would want
you to be there.


I just... I love you!
I love you so much.

I love you so much
that it's... it's stupid!

And I just wanna...
Fuck! Um...

Do you wanna get married?

- Yes.
- Yeah?

[laughing] Of course.

Oh my God.


[applause and cheers]

Oh my God!

Oh my God, okay.
This is for you.

There's two here.

Of fucking course there's two!

You have quite the eye
for photography, young lady.

If you fuck me now,
maybe I can help you

with your graduate
school applications later.

[voice breaking] That's crazy, Roger.

You don't know how to read.

[cheering and applause]

- Yay!
- Eclipse!

[cheers continue]

She put a ring on it!


[indistinct chatter]


Honestly, that was the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Um, babe, I don't mean to rush,

but the bakery closes at six o'clock.

Oh, shit!
We've gotta go!

- All right.
- Yeah, so can we paddle for once?

Now I will help you, yes.

Okay, do you have
dark spots in your vision?

I'm definitely seeing dark spots.

I'm definitely... oh!

Oh my God!

[cheers and applause]

What the fuck?
Why are we on a cake?

What the fuck?

[applause] Do you love me?

[indistinct chatter]
How did we get there?

That is... hella pretty.
I'm not gonna lie.

We're on that cake.

That means they were
creeping on us all afternoon.

There was somebody
taking pictures of us.

- I can't take it off?
- No, you can't take it off.

That's exactly how
Princess Diana died!

I just find that a little bit creepy.

- Call it romantic...
- It's not romantic.

[Jed] All right, what if your
boyfriend's trying to surprise you.

You're with your side dude, he has
pictures of you with your side dude.

You had your titty out!

Ain't nothing new, but like, still.

How 'bout we ate all their food?

Excuse me!
Can I get a piece?

Like, whatever. I don't care.

I don't care. I don't
care, because, listen,

while you were eating toxins...

♪ ♪

♪ Nowhere to go ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪ Nowhere to go ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪ Got nowhere to go ♪

♪ It's not true ♪

♪ Nowhere to go ♪

Sorry, sorry, sorry.


Hey! Over here!

Oh, hey.

Is this yours?

[laughs] Yeah.

- It's very cool.
- You wanna see it?

On the inside?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Okay, then!


Should I close the door?

Please close it.

Just slam it really hard.

It's... it's a little...

Yeah, it's a little...
it's a little...


This is Steve RV.

[chuckles] Steve RV.

He bungles things,

and he sometimes
puts his foot in his mouth,

but overall, he's
a very charming vehicle,

and I have had a lot of fun in here.

[both laugh]

It's really cool.

Oh, thank you.

Do you want, um, a cup of tea?


This shag is fucking awesome.

It's a little moist right now.

I don't know why.

And you got a whole kitchen?

The whole shebang.

Survey says...

This is cool.

Then, I went up through Nashville,

and that was quite fun.

And then I just hauled ass
back to Brooklyn.

Mainly because I didn't
have any money left.

And real Americans are fucking scary.

Oh, yeah, we're crazy.

- I'm good.
- You sure?

Yeah, yeah.
[indistinct talking]

Oh, hello.
[laughing, chattering]

Whoo! Whoo!

[laughing] Take me with you!

Where are they coming from?

Ben, I'm really sorry
I ghosted on you.

Yeah, what was that about?

I was just in a really weird spot.

For a bit there, I was drinking a lot,

and other stuff,

and I wanted to...

clean up my life and just start again,

and I didn't know how to...

I'm not very good with this
fucking... conversation shit,

and I avoided it.


I can't believe I'm about to say this.


I think that being
sober is good for me.






So I'm thinking now,
I need to go home for a bit.

What? Like Australia home?

Not for good.
Just to sort out my stuff.

Good for you.

Yeah, it's good for me.

- Yeah.
- Yeah!

[silly voice] It's good for me!


I'm gonna miss you.

I did miss you.

And I'm gonna miss you.

I did miss you, too.



Can I ask you a question, though?

What are you gonna do
with Steve while you're gone?


Where are you gonna park it?

Honestly, I have no fucking idea.

♪ My love ♪

[electrical buzzing]


Martin Toll.

♪ And I'll be yours ♪

♪ When those roses grow ♪

♪ I'll be there just smiling ♪

[clippers buzzing]

No way.

♪ Only Heaven knows ♪

[engine chugging]

♪ And this simple act ♪

♪ We call love ♪

Ooh, baby.


Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.

♪ ♪

[The Guy vocalizing]


[honks horn]

[engine backfiring]


Oh, fuck. Shit.
[engine slowing]

Shit, shit.

Um, um...

[engine rattling]

[engine stops]

[brakes squeak]

[hydraulics hiss]

[engine sputtering]

Shit! [Yelps]



What's up, Steve?

♪ ♪

♪ I been missing you, baby ♪

♪ Let's go to Chinatown ♪

♪ That's where we'll find
our happy ending ♪

♪ If you won't take me back, baby ♪

♪ I'm going to Chinatown ♪

♪ I'm gonna get my happy ending ♪

♪ ♪