He's with Me (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Release - full transcript

So I was thinking that
he could ride in on a horse

and wear a princess outfit
and I would wear a dress.

That's sort of.

Princessy.

Yeah, sort of.

Too much?

Look, honey.

Every little girl
dreams of marrying

some sexy Disney prince
on top of a white horse.

I guess.

I had this animated
dream about Aladdin once.



It was totally hot,
totally disturbing.

My point is fairy
tales are not reality.

Hell, I had to convince
Eddie just to wear a tuxedo.

Maybe a pony.

It's just that I've
wanted to get married

ever since I can remember.

And Ted's the first one to ask?

Not exactly,
I've kind of been attempt

in the marriage department too.

I've been engaged five times.

You've been engaged five times

and you've never been married?

Baby, you do need some yoga.

Okay, don't tell anyone,
okay, it's just



I haven't told Ted that I've
been engaged five times.

And if he finds out that
I've been engaged five times,

I'll be engaged six
times with no husband.

Don't worry.

Sisterhood.

Henny, this is so pretty.

Where did you get this?

Actually, I made it.

I make my own
scarves and mittens.

I even have my own online store.

This is fantastic.

We should be selling
these at the boutique.

I think yeah.

Valerie.

I just had to tell you
how you saved my life.

That move you showed me
really helped even out my gas.

I don't know what the hell
is growing inside of me

but he is giving me
serious indigestion.

I hope that's not a bad sign.

Anyway, thanks a million.

You've really taken this
place by storm, haven't you?

Created a strong wind maybe.

Thank you so much for taking
such good care of the boutique.

I really love it here.

I finally feel alive again.

Of course I just wish
Eddie were more supportive.

I've been teaching
here for over a month

and all he can do is make
dumb downward dog jokes.

So then I said, "Why
is your dog looking down?

"Is his dick sad?"

Yeah, I know, Val didn't
think it was funny either.

Hey, speaking of dogs, me and
Chico in the neighborhood.

You busy?

Yeah, okay,
you're working, I got it.

No, she's still teaching yogurt.

Note to Ted, I'm a big boy

and I can walk the dog all by
myself, thank you very much.

Yeah, okay, chief,
talk to you later.

Come on.

Come on.

Let's go.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, hey, you're lucky if
I don't drop you downward dog.

Eddie seems restless.

Restless?

Yeah,
ever since he made detective,

he's not even happy about it.

He keeps calling
me and dropping in.

You seem a little
restless yourself.

It's probably this campaign.

You know, it's not easy
making extermination

seem slick and interesting.

Well, that's why you hired
me to direct the commercial.

Slick and interesting
are my forte,

but I wasn't talking
about the campaign.

Yeah.

Okay, don't get started
about the wedding.

I just don't see
what the rush is.

I mean your career is just
getting off the ground.

You're Ted,
the exterminator guy.

Yeah,
why wouldn't that be enough?

Look, I get a little nervous
when I think about it.

I was reading this thing
online that's suppose

to engage your nervousness
about getting married.

What was it?

Well, so you say your fiancee's
name with your last name.

You say these things
together out loud

and then you just kind of
check in to see how you feel.

And?

Jumped off my chair.

Jumped out of your chair.

Sounds pretty scary.

Not scary.

Just concerning.

So, you know, okay, I take
it back, a little scary,

but scary new exciting,
like whitewater rafting,

or when I got my ear
pierced the first time.

You did?

Yeah, the hole closed up.

Anyway, nothing to be
concerned about is my point.

Maybe you should be concerned
less about my relationship

and more concerned
about your own.

And like,
is Benny still stalking you?

He follows me all the time.

The other day.

Poor Benny.

Poor Benny, why won't
he just take the hint?

I guess some people are just
a glutton for punishment.

I wanna marry her.

Whatever do you mean?

I can read between the lines,
Martin.

I wanna marry Henny.

All right, it just
seems like a little bit

of a knee-jerk reaction
to that ginger stick

shoving her
lesbian in your face.

Wow.

I wanna marry Henny.

I wanna marry Henny.

I am going to marry Henny.

Ted Theodore Bruce Adams
plus Henny Maria Hernandez,

together forever, all right?

Like so many famous duos.

Bonnie and Clyde, to the death,

except for without
the huge firefight

where they both die in the end.

And maybe not the cross
interstate crime spree.

None of that.

Or there are so many.

Doc Brown and Marty McFly.

Or well, anyway, we're
just gonna be together

and we're gonna be happy and
nothing is gonna stop us.

And this whole like
defensiveness thing

and attacking thing that
you're doing right now

is just kind of weird, because
I'm gonna marry Henny, okay.

So just lay off.

All I needed was
a push off the dock

to learn the marriage swim,

which is probably
the front stroke, right.

So, fine.

We're getting married.

If you say so.

It's settled, I did say so.

If that's what you want.

What a weird thing to say.

That is what I want.

Henny Adams.

Really?

Wow, you're a bad person.

You're a horrible person.

You're a bad, horrible
person, Martin Adams.

Put this evil nature
aside and let's try

and figure out the actor
we're gonna cast as the pest.

It's gonna be someone funny.

But not too funny and annoying,

even though he's sort of
accessible and attractive.

Hey, Chico's here.

And his owner,
thank you very much.

What's going on?

What are you doing here man?

I just, you know,
kind of found myself

wandering around
and just ended up here.

I know you're working.

Sorry,
but Val's still teaching yogurt.

Why do you call it that?

It's probably all
those yoga freaks eat.

Why does this dog pay attention
to you and never to me?

You have to be kind
and patient with him.

It seems like you have that
in limited supply these days.

What's that suppose to mean?

You've been less
than supportive of Val.

Damn, she tells him everything.

I just don't understand why
yoga has to be her new thing.

I mean,
what the hell is it anyway?

Not a big fan of yoga, Eddie.

It's for granola-crunching,

patchouli-smelling hippies.

I wouldn't know, never tried it.

You could at least try it,
Eddie.

Pretend to support Val.

Why don't you try it?

I don't wanna try it.

Guys, I've got an idea.

And from
tadasana, deep breath in.

Arms over your head.

Keep your shoulders
away from your ears

and exhale,
swan dive over at your hip,

to release and dive down.

There you go, release, Marty.

Release, Marty.

Release, Marty.

There is no more releasing.

The only way I'm
touching the ground

is if it leaps into my hands.

Why don't you bark at Eddie?

He's barely doing anything.

I am too.

I just don't have
any flexibility.

Shut up.

You shut up.

Both of you shut up.

I mean find your quiet place.

Okay, everybody roll up
vertebrae by vertebrae.

Stand tall.

You know, guys,
with a little practice,

I think I could be
pretty good at this.

Okay, inhale,
arms over your head.

Grasp your hands,
pointer fingers up,

and lean over to the right.

What the hell is
Benny doing here?

Well, I gave him a job cleaning.

He said he needed
extra money for school.

He's educating himself,
good God.

Ignore him.

Just stay on your mat.

Looks like Ben has got the fever

for the flavor of Marty.

Ted, I'm yogaing.

If I even begin to consider
what you're going to suggest,

I would hurt you and that would
not be very yogaish of me.

Dude, Marty, you gotta
take him up on his offer.

I don't see anybody else
wanting to romance your stones.

Yoga foul.

What is going on?

This man disturbed
my quiet place.

I want him excommunicated
from this commune.

Don't be such a baby.

Eddie, quick provoking Martin.

Dude, you always take his side.

Not true.

He just happens
to be right this time.

Right.

Dude,
who wants to romance his stones?

Give me one name.

And I slipped a cool '80s
movie reference in there too.

It's a good movie.

Yeah.

You look great out there, Marty.

Benny,
you've gotta stop following me.

Following you?

Who's following you?

You are.

Yesterday at the gym.

When I was picking
up my dry cleaning.

Following me won't make
me go out with you.

What will?

I can be patient.

Just let me know how I can
change your mind about me.

Okay, you want me to be honest?

I don't think you ever can.

Don't think I can.

So there's hope.

Okay, I've clung to hope before.

And how does that usually end?

With me in misery.

But it would be worth it.

You need someone, Marty.

You need love.

You've never had it.

And I will prove myself worthy.

I will win the heartless
heart of Martin Adams.

It's time someone did.

You'll see.

Oof.

Age.

Ice age.

Body type.

Not what it was.

Looking for relationship.

Relationship.