He's with Me (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Ginger Snap Out of It - full transcript

Here's our little star.

Hey!

Thank you.

Much of the credit
goes to Martin.

That's so sweet.

What a happy bunch we all are.

And I love him.

Holy shit.

My sentiments exactly.

Julie?

Julie?



Hi Ted.

Benny's in love with me?

What the hell am
I gonna do with that?

You could say that again.

I don't know why I did that.

You don't like surprises.

And she knows that.

She did it on purpose.

I'll never be able to shake him.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Let's pull ourselves
together here.

Are those peppercorns?

You do not want to
be in love with Marty.



He is mean
and snotty and prissy.

And talented.

He took my show to a place
I never thought it could go.

He's gifted.

He's Hal Prince.

He's James Lapai.

He's Gower Champion.

He's Jerome Robbins.

And if Marty is
anything like those guys,

they're mean too.

I've always thought he had
a thing for me, don't you?

A thing?

Yeah if hatred is a thing.

There's a thin line between
love and hate, my friend.

No I think in this case,
it's thick.

It's very thick.

I hope so.

Dripping.

I'm sure Ted will be right back.

His stomach can
be a little sensitive.

He was never
one to be surprised.

So what brings you to
New York anyway?

Just visiting.

A friend.

So you didn't come to see Ted?

Not exactly.

I ran into Ted's dad
a couple weeks ago.

And he said he liked
to hang out here

so I figured while I was in town

I'd try and find him.

Why didn't you just call him?

I like to surprise him.

You don't think Marty
could ever love me, do you?

I just don't want you
to be disappointed, Benny.

All right,
rejection can be hard on a guy.

Not for me.

I get rejected daily.

Get a lot of practice.

So,

Henny, is it?

Yes, it is.

How long have
you and Ted been dating?

A few months.

So a new relationship.

Funny, it never seems new.

Feels like we've known
each other a long time.

Like we're kindred souls.

Isn't that sweet?

It's very sweet.

They almost seem to be
made for each other.

Well I guess you're
spending a lot of your time

hanging over toilet bowls too.

Okay.

Let's go out and face the music.

Okay but if you see
me heading for the can,

that means Ted needs help.

You're gonna puke again?

I shouldn't.

But if Julie surprises
me, all bets are off.

She used to do this thing
when I'd come home from work,

okay, just to get at me.

She would like hide
somewhere in the house

then when I'd find
her she'd yell, boo!

Really?

Yeah,
it's scarier than it sounds.

And also every
year for my birthday

she'd plan this
elaborate surprise party.

And I'll be like Julie,
I'm not really interested

in vomiting in front of my
friends and family anymore.

Didn't you ever catch on, Teddy?

She never
did it on the same day.

So I'd spend like
this round of weeks

freaking out waiting
for it to go down.

Again, lovely gal.

So,

are you gonna be
okay with Benny?

Yeah, I'm just gonna
have to let him down easy.

What?

You're capable of that?

How'd it go with Benny?

He really thinks he loves Marty.

I didn't think people with
heads could love Marty.

Marty can be sweet.

Yeah,
if you dipped him in chocolate.

You know,
Ted doesn't look so good.

That horrible woman
is making him nervous.

My radar is really going
off about that Julie.

There's something.

No, no, honey.

You always think you know
someting that you don't know.

Your radar's usually broken.

Note to Valerie.

My radar is always right.

What kind of radar?

Bitch radar?

You seem surprised.

Yeah, you always
were very good at that.

And it was always amusing.

What are you doing here?

Did I leave something besides
my dignity at your place?

I was just in the neighborhood.

And your dad said
you might be here.

So here I am.

I'm starting to remember
how you only ever gave me

half of every story you told me.

Benny, you
are not in love with me.

I am, I really am, Marty.

You're impressed with what
I did with your show, right?

You did an amazing job.

I didn't even think
I was that talented.

And very often would
become enamored

with someone's talent, right?

I guess.

So?

It's not that, Marty.

I love you.

But Benny, I don't love you.

In fact, ever since we've
met I've done nothing

but chastise and embarrass you.

And you say you don't love me.

I'm not even a
relationship person.

I haven't been on a
date in over a year.

Maybe two.

Shit.

I'm not a relationship person.

Do you wanna be?

I don't really trust
people very easily.

Trust them for what?

To keep up with Jeopardy.

Pick me up at the airport.

Love me when I'm unlovable.

So if you were to date someone,
what would they be like?

I don't even really know.

Somebody a little serious,
maybe?

Really?

Does something worthwhile?

Somebody with a big brain?

My brain can grow.

I didn't know you
had any friends in the city.

Well there's a lot of things
you don't know about me, Ted.

Hey, babe.

Hi, Jessie.

This is Ted.

The old boyfriend.

He doesn't look so scrawny.

Nice to finally meet you.

You fucking dropped the
ball with this gingersnap.

God I hate when
you call me that.

Too fucking bad.

You're my gingersnap
and that's just the way

it's gonna be.

Who's that?

I'm thinking that isn't
a friend of Julie's.

I'm thinking that's
a friend of Dorothy's.

And Julie is a lesbian.

So what, because you two,
and then how?

Well, when you broke
up with me and left town,

I did some soul searching.

And after watching an
entire season of the L Word,

I discovered that the
reason I could never hold on

to a boyfriend was because
I never really wanted one.

I went online
and the first person

to answer my profile was Jessie.

I saw that face.

And I went, that bitch is mine.

So I sent here a
plane ticket and said

get your sweet ass here and
she's been here for a week.

You've been here a week?

A week of
the most amazing romance

she's ever had.

Good, good, good, that's nice.

Okay, so, what do you do, um

Jessie.

Jessie.

I'm a fucking network censor.

That sounds like fulfilling
and interesting work.

It is.

Surprised?

Benny, excuse me.

Hurry back to me.

What's the surprise now?

She has a third boob?

She has a

She came to see a

What is the matter?

She came to see a woman.

Yes, and how does that
translate to your head

in the toilet?

She's visiting a woman that she

Who she's

Teddy, what's going on?

Look out there.

So she has a
butch lesbian friend.

Who's not just her friend.

Guess that was a surprise.

That woman is more
of a man than I am.

Come on.

No, look at her.

It's neck and neck.

I mean it's making sense now.

This is why Julie
got tired of me

'cause she could control me.

She would say jump, I would
say I'm afraid of heights.

But this woman
put her in her place.

She calls her gingersnap, okay?

That woman could
break me in two.

So what?

I just feel emasculated.

I feel like I'm
Julie's ex-girlfriend

and that woman is the man
that Julie's always wanted.

Ted, if Julie decided
she likes women,

it doesn't make
you any less of a man.

Now I suggest you get your
head out of the toilet

and you go out there and
show that ginger crap

what kind of a
man you really are.

A strong, confident
man who sometimes pukes

when he gets surprised.

Go out there and surprise
her with the man

that you really are.

You're right.

You're a fricking genius.

She comes here and she thinks
she can surprise Ted Adams?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Ted Adams is the one
that does the surprising.

The surprisee will
become the surpriser.

I know what I'm gonna do.

But it's gonna require
you getting out of my way.

I see you're all
getting acquainted.

Yeah,
it's downright fascinating.

So you've met Henny.

Sure have.

Seems like a nice
sweet little girlfriend.

Which is true.

But she's not
just my girlfriend.

Since this is a day for
surprises I would like to share

a surprise of my own.

Teddy?

Henny.

You and I have only been
together for a few months.

But nobody other than you has
ever loved me just for me.

And I love you.

I love you too.

Good, good.

All right,
then I'm asking you right here.

Henny Hernandez,
will you marry me?

Yes, yes, I do, I do!

I fucking hate running!

What's the hubbub?

We're engaged.

Benny, a bottle of champagne.

And the women in the restroom,

I think they're
casing the joint.

You might want
to escort them out.

Even the big one?

Congratulations, you two.

Hope you're as happy as
me and the missus here.

Yeah,
Pa and I are downright giddy.

Come on, let's start planning.

You gonna wish
me good luck, Martin?

Of course I am.

So do it.

Good luck.

♫ I've had my heart
broken before

♫ But you just
stopped it altogether

♫ And left me laying
there on the floor

♫ Spinning out across forever

♫ Keep me coming back for more

♫ Even now that I'm a zombie