Hercules (1998–1999): Season 2, Episode 8 - Hercules and the Epic Adventure - full transcript
♪ Who put the
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Is he bold? ♪
- ♪ No one braver ♪
- ♪ Is he sweet? ♪
- ♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now, the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Smart and shy ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no
one, a zero, zero ♪
♪ He'll never quit
till he's a hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see.
Ancient Greece was
a time of great heroes
and great literature.
The two came together
in the epic poem,
a vivid narration
of heroic exploits.
Isn't somebody going to
offer a snide comment?
No sassy interjections?
Not this time, Bob.
We're hanging on every word.
You're good to go, baby.
Back at you, girls.
The sages say,
"Write what you know."
So who better to compose
an epic poem than a hero,
or at least a hero-in-training?
Class? Class?
We have just enough time left
for your epic poetry assignment.
You seem annoyingly confident.
Cassandra, I've been working
on this poem for months.
It's chock-full of heroic stuff.
We're talking easy alpha.
Very well, Mr. Hercules.
We begin with you.
Here you go, Miss Cassiopeia.
Hercules?
Where are you going?
Uh, back to my seat.
Oh, dear boy, you didn't think this
was a written assignment, did you?
Of course not. I...
Oh, come on.
Poetry is meant to be recited.
The beach in Crete
wilt mainly in the heat.
Icarus is correct.
The class is your
audience, poet Hercules.
Regale us with
your stirring saga.
Uh... ahem.
"A Poem."
Ahem.
"A-a poem... by Hercules."
Oh, what's with him?
Extremely dramatic pause
or utter terror of
public speaking.
I, uh... ahem...
w-w-would like to...
C-c-could I get some water?
- Terror.
- Terror.
That's all for today, class.
We'll resume
tomorrow with Hercules.
You can breathe now, ace.
Hit it, kid! Go, go!
Oh, I'm doomed, Phil.
It's all over.
Uhh!
Whoa! Whoa!
Aah!
I'm sorry, Phil.
I'm just nervous.
I've got to talk in
front of everybody.
All right, listen, kid, can
you talk to one person?
Well, sure.
A group is a bunch of one
persons together, multiplied.
Let me tell you about when
Jason was an Argonaut.
The guy wouldn't
step foot off dry land.
Jason was afraid of water?
Yeah. Everybody's
afraid of something.
It's how you handle it
that makes you a hero.
How did he get past it?
I told him the ocean
is nothing more
than a bunch of glasses of
water together, multiplied.
Oh. Huh. Well, thanks, Phil.
I feel better.
Of course, I also told
him, "learn to swim."
It's rematch time, brother.
The dread Orthos
versus the dead Hercules.
All right! Whoo-hoo!
Hercules!
Uh, who's Hercules?
Hercules, the kid who
broke up our aristocrat buffet.
Hercules, the cur
who cleaned our clock!
Hercules, the mutt who
made us the laughingstock
of the entire monster community!
Oh, that Hercules.
Yes, that Hercules,
And now we are going
to meet, beat, and eat him
in front of a large audience.
Can we eat the audience, too?
Focus.
We will thus regain our
reputation as a fearsome monster.
Then can we eat him?
Since our defeat,
I have watched
Hercules like a hawk.
I've steeped
myself in his logic.
I know his every move.
His day begins at
school for classes,
a light lunch, more classes,
then home for hero training.
Sheesh, kids these
days are so programmed.
Today after poetry class,
I saw Hercules sweat,
and Hercules never sweats.
So what does that tell us?
It's not the heat,
it's the humidity?
No, Hercules is nervous,
and when Hercules gets nervous,
he gets hungry.
Yeah, I can relate.
And where does a
hungry teen on a budget
go in Athens?
OK, think small.
A group is just a bunch
of glasses of water.
Hey, Herc!
Huh?
You know, me and Cassandra
are going to the Agora.
I lost a bet.
You want to come?
I'll pay you.
Uh, no, not tonight. I've got
to practice reading my poem.
Public speaking makes
me kind of... nervous.
You hid it very well,
other than the flash
flood of flop sweat.
Herc, buddy, try my
approach to public speaking.
Let your mind go blank.
That's your approach
to everything.
Ha ho! Yeah!
Your wit inspires me, my muse.
Oh, wait, wait, wait. I
feel a poem coming on.
Fight the urge.
I'm getting out before he chews.
Oh, honey, the Agora! Wai-by!
Wai-by up for me-by!
Hello. I couldn't
help overhearing.
You know what you need?
Uh, privacy?
Fish. Fish is brain food...
Makes you think fast
and speak clearly like me.
I'm getting you a Poseidon pita.
My poem!
Where did it go?
One Poseidon pita, extra eel.
- Have you seen my poem?
- Hey! Hands off the merchandise.
Oh, where could it be?
Hey. I got to find that poem.
I don't see it.
Hey! Wait! Come
back with my poem!
Get me down closer.
Pegasus, what happened?
Oh, it's not funny. I was
trying to get... my tablet!
Where did the garbage cart
go? Did you see? Do you?
Aah! Come on, what
are we waiting for?
OK, let's try this again.
Ease me down closer.
Whoa!
That is not what I call easing.
All right, are you sure
this is the right cart?
What?
Huh?
What is it, Pegasus?
What? I'm looking for...
Yeah, well, uh,
I know this must look
a little odd and all, but...
Hey, Herc!
You decided to come after all.
Some people will do
anything to avoid walking.
Guess you figured out where
the real bargains are, eh?
No, I lost my tablet
at Speedy Pita.
I've got to find it
so I can practice
reading my poem.
Hey, kid, out of my cart.
You want to read, go to
the library or something.
No, no, no, you
don't understand.
I've got this tiny problem
with public speaking.
Try positive visualization.
Pardon me?
Imagine yourself doing it
right. When it comes time
for the real thing,
you'll know what to do.
Oh, and Speedy Pita's
not even on my route.
That cart's on its way to the
dump, probably there by now.
- Thanks, sir.
- Yeah, yeah, don't mention it.
Pegasus, to the dump!
And what do you
think you're doing?
Bargain hunting!
For the last time,
where is Hercules?
Can't you get it through
your thick heads?
I don't know any Hercules!
Now that that's settled,
I'll have the super
Souvlakia with a side of...
You'll get nothing and like it!
Maybe this will
refresh your memory.
Oh, you mean dumpster boy?
So, now he's masquerading
as "dumpster boy."
Fiendishly clever,
but I am cleverer still.
Let me tell you something.
He ran after that
garbage cart so fast,
he didn't even leave a
tip. I'm leaving this joint.
Aha. My deductive
left-brain reasoning
tells me that garbage cart
can only be headed
to one location.
The game is afoot.
Uhh. It's got to be here.
I'm looking as fast as I can.
Oh!
There it is!
Aah!
Uhh.
Nice timing.
Now let's go get that poem.
Orthos, party of two.
Ready for dinner.
Steady, boy. Almost got it.
- Shall we?
- After you.
Dumpster boy, ho!
Mine, mine!
Mine!
Did we get him?
Mine, all mine!
Great.
You took my poem!
Mine! My poem.
No, my poem. I wrote it.
Mine. I wrote it.
Mine, mine, mine.
Whoa! Hey!
Whoa! Watch it!
Home. No place like it.
Shh.
Ha!
Good poem. Big hero.
She likes it.
Glad I wrote it.
Hey! Whoa!
Hephaestus, babe,
listen, hate to nudge,
but Zeus has this
smithing thing at 7:00,
and he is utterly without
thunderbolts. You dig?
Poor planning on his part
does not constitute
an emergency on mine.
I'll be sure to pass that
along to the big guy.
I can't make it any
faster than I can make it.
Uh-oh.
Oh!
Uh, good evening.
I believe you have
something of mine.
My poem. My house. Get lost.
Uh, that stuff belongs to you.
Yeah. Oh, aha.
Aha.
The poem belongs to me.
Mine!
Listen, I really need
to practice that poem.
You see, the truth is...
I have a bit of a problem
with public speaking.
Loser. Get over it.
Would you just give
it to me already?
Mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine!
- Fabulous. I'm gone.
- Be careful. It's still hot.
Yah!
OK, let's take it from the top.
Ooh, look. Shiny.
Oh, ahh.
Ohh.
- Mine, give me!
- You want it? Go get it!
No!
Not my night.
Our reckoning is
at hand, Hercules!
He's gone again?
My scrunchy! Ha ha! Oh!
Wait here.
Whoa, whoa. Hold up.
What, your chariot on fire?
The man who just
went in has my poem.
Regular or epic?
Epic.
Bummer, baby.
Enjoy, ladies.
How old are you, poet?
Old enough.
Nice try, Tyke.
Oh, please. I have to recite
that poem in front of my class,
and if I don't practice,
I'll never get over my
fear of public speaking.
Come on, baby, just picture the
audience in their undergarments.
Excuse me?
It humanizes them, man.
Come on. Makes
them less imposing.
Oh, great. So,
uh, you'll let me in?
No way, baby. Beat
it. Hike. Scamoo.
There has to be
another way in this place.
Hey, kid, what's the matter,
You never heard of "excuse me"?
Oh, I'm sorry. Please excuse
me. I'm just in a bit of a hurry.
Oh, that's OK.
Come on. Sit down.
That's very kind, but
I'm... sitting down again.
Arm wrestle?
No, thank you, really.
I'm just going to
grab my tablet.
Ready... go!
Aah!
Thanks a lot. It's been fun.
Hey, wait. Hold
it. I wasn't ready!
Well, thanks so much.
We'll do it again sometime.
Got you.
Well, well, we meet again.
City state trooper Chipecles.
Oh, this is not
what it looks like.
I-I just came here
to get my poem.
I really need to
practice reading it.
Zip it. Try reading that.
"No one under XVIII admitted."
Underage and a thief.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
See, you don't understand.
I can explain everything.
Explain it to the judge, junior.
I'm taking you in.
You just missed him.
The kid got busted,
pinched, caged.
Sorry, twins.
Let's just forget it.
The key to obsessive
behavior, brother,
is follow-through.
Which way to the jail?
Uh, there, baby.
So this whole silly
misunderstanding, really,
was caused by a
fear of public speaking.
Can you believe it?
You want the key
to public speaking?
A strong topic sentence.
That way, even if the
rest of your speech tanks,
people will have one
good thing to remember.
That's not very comforting.
Then try this. You don't have
to worry about your presentation,
'cause you're going to
be locked up ad infinitum,
and that goes for
your pony pal, too.
Oh, father, I don't
often ask for help...
Surprise! Surprise!
Orthos?
Correct, Hercules.
We meet again.
That roof is the property
of the Athens P.D., monster.
Send us a bill, flatfoot.
We're here for Hercules.
Ah, in cahoots with a
two-headed cyclops, huh?
That figures.
No, it's not like that.
Tell him it's not like that!
- I don't think so.
- No!
What do you want?
Don't play coy, hero.
We've come to avenge our
humiliating defeat at your hands.
Let's just eat him and
get on with our lives, OK?
Oh, we'll eat him, all right.
- Thank you.
- We'll eat him in front of people,
lots of people.
We need a bigger playing field.
Help! Help!
That's right, fear
the mighty Orthos!
But stick around
to watch the fight.
I order you to stop terrorizing
these good people.
Cute. We will now set
forth the rules of this battle.
Rules?
We're tough but fair.
Uhh!
Rule number one... No kicking.
Uhh!
Get him!
He's making us look bad.
Uhh!
Sorry I can't chat,
but I'm late for school.
You did good, kid.
Thanks. Oh, my
gosh. I'm late for class.
Hold it, hold it.
There's still the matter of you and
a certain seedy waterfront taverna.
You can't...
But in light of your
recent hot-dog heroics,
I think I can look the
other way this time.
Oh, thank you.
But know this... if I catch you
on the wrong side
of the law again,
I'm taking you down hard!
Right. Got it.
Remember, strong topic sentence!
Mr. Hercules, you're late.
Where have you been?
Well, it all began yesterday...
and when I looked back
down, the tablet was gone.
I looked all over
Speedy Pita, but...
So, I'm in the garbage
cart, which smells really ripe,
and it tips me into the dump.
Ugh! Stink city.
Fortunately, Pegasus was in the
neighborhood, and he caught me.
Have you ever met a harpy?
Ugh! What a pain.
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
After I nearly
fell off the ledge,
I offered her something
shiny, and that got rid of her.
I was this close to the
tablet when a thunderbolt hits.
What is a city-state trooper
doing in a taverna anyway?
So, there we are, me and
Orthos, the two-headed cyclops.
I swung as hard as I could.
He... I mean, they went down,
which brings us to this morning.
Ho! Epic!
Wait, that wasn't it.
Mr. Hercules,
that tale was outlandish
beyond belief...
Mayhem and monsters,
coincidences and catastrophes.
Alpha-plus!
It was everything an
epic poem should be.
No, that... that
really happened.
This is my...
alpha-plus? Really? Wow.
- Guess who.
- My grade.
My grade. Mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine!
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Is he bold? ♪
- ♪ No one braver ♪
- ♪ Is he sweet? ♪
- ♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now, the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Smart and shy ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no
one, a zero, zero ♪
♪ He'll never quit
till he's a hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see.
Ancient Greece was
a time of great heroes
and great literature.
The two came together
in the epic poem,
a vivid narration
of heroic exploits.
Isn't somebody going to
offer a snide comment?
No sassy interjections?
Not this time, Bob.
We're hanging on every word.
You're good to go, baby.
Back at you, girls.
The sages say,
"Write what you know."
So who better to compose
an epic poem than a hero,
or at least a hero-in-training?
Class? Class?
We have just enough time left
for your epic poetry assignment.
You seem annoyingly confident.
Cassandra, I've been working
on this poem for months.
It's chock-full of heroic stuff.
We're talking easy alpha.
Very well, Mr. Hercules.
We begin with you.
Here you go, Miss Cassiopeia.
Hercules?
Where are you going?
Uh, back to my seat.
Oh, dear boy, you didn't think this
was a written assignment, did you?
Of course not. I...
Oh, come on.
Poetry is meant to be recited.
The beach in Crete
wilt mainly in the heat.
Icarus is correct.
The class is your
audience, poet Hercules.
Regale us with
your stirring saga.
Uh... ahem.
"A Poem."
Ahem.
"A-a poem... by Hercules."
Oh, what's with him?
Extremely dramatic pause
or utter terror of
public speaking.
I, uh... ahem...
w-w-would like to...
C-c-could I get some water?
- Terror.
- Terror.
That's all for today, class.
We'll resume
tomorrow with Hercules.
You can breathe now, ace.
Hit it, kid! Go, go!
Oh, I'm doomed, Phil.
It's all over.
Uhh!
Whoa! Whoa!
Aah!
I'm sorry, Phil.
I'm just nervous.
I've got to talk in
front of everybody.
All right, listen, kid, can
you talk to one person?
Well, sure.
A group is a bunch of one
persons together, multiplied.
Let me tell you about when
Jason was an Argonaut.
The guy wouldn't
step foot off dry land.
Jason was afraid of water?
Yeah. Everybody's
afraid of something.
It's how you handle it
that makes you a hero.
How did he get past it?
I told him the ocean
is nothing more
than a bunch of glasses of
water together, multiplied.
Oh. Huh. Well, thanks, Phil.
I feel better.
Of course, I also told
him, "learn to swim."
It's rematch time, brother.
The dread Orthos
versus the dead Hercules.
All right! Whoo-hoo!
Hercules!
Uh, who's Hercules?
Hercules, the kid who
broke up our aristocrat buffet.
Hercules, the cur
who cleaned our clock!
Hercules, the mutt who
made us the laughingstock
of the entire monster community!
Oh, that Hercules.
Yes, that Hercules,
And now we are going
to meet, beat, and eat him
in front of a large audience.
Can we eat the audience, too?
Focus.
We will thus regain our
reputation as a fearsome monster.
Then can we eat him?
Since our defeat,
I have watched
Hercules like a hawk.
I've steeped
myself in his logic.
I know his every move.
His day begins at
school for classes,
a light lunch, more classes,
then home for hero training.
Sheesh, kids these
days are so programmed.
Today after poetry class,
I saw Hercules sweat,
and Hercules never sweats.
So what does that tell us?
It's not the heat,
it's the humidity?
No, Hercules is nervous,
and when Hercules gets nervous,
he gets hungry.
Yeah, I can relate.
And where does a
hungry teen on a budget
go in Athens?
OK, think small.
A group is just a bunch
of glasses of water.
Hey, Herc!
Huh?
You know, me and Cassandra
are going to the Agora.
I lost a bet.
You want to come?
I'll pay you.
Uh, no, not tonight. I've got
to practice reading my poem.
Public speaking makes
me kind of... nervous.
You hid it very well,
other than the flash
flood of flop sweat.
Herc, buddy, try my
approach to public speaking.
Let your mind go blank.
That's your approach
to everything.
Ha ho! Yeah!
Your wit inspires me, my muse.
Oh, wait, wait, wait. I
feel a poem coming on.
Fight the urge.
I'm getting out before he chews.
Oh, honey, the Agora! Wai-by!
Wai-by up for me-by!
Hello. I couldn't
help overhearing.
You know what you need?
Uh, privacy?
Fish. Fish is brain food...
Makes you think fast
and speak clearly like me.
I'm getting you a Poseidon pita.
My poem!
Where did it go?
One Poseidon pita, extra eel.
- Have you seen my poem?
- Hey! Hands off the merchandise.
Oh, where could it be?
Hey. I got to find that poem.
I don't see it.
Hey! Wait! Come
back with my poem!
Get me down closer.
Pegasus, what happened?
Oh, it's not funny. I was
trying to get... my tablet!
Where did the garbage cart
go? Did you see? Do you?
Aah! Come on, what
are we waiting for?
OK, let's try this again.
Ease me down closer.
Whoa!
That is not what I call easing.
All right, are you sure
this is the right cart?
What?
Huh?
What is it, Pegasus?
What? I'm looking for...
Yeah, well, uh,
I know this must look
a little odd and all, but...
Hey, Herc!
You decided to come after all.
Some people will do
anything to avoid walking.
Guess you figured out where
the real bargains are, eh?
No, I lost my tablet
at Speedy Pita.
I've got to find it
so I can practice
reading my poem.
Hey, kid, out of my cart.
You want to read, go to
the library or something.
No, no, no, you
don't understand.
I've got this tiny problem
with public speaking.
Try positive visualization.
Pardon me?
Imagine yourself doing it
right. When it comes time
for the real thing,
you'll know what to do.
Oh, and Speedy Pita's
not even on my route.
That cart's on its way to the
dump, probably there by now.
- Thanks, sir.
- Yeah, yeah, don't mention it.
Pegasus, to the dump!
And what do you
think you're doing?
Bargain hunting!
For the last time,
where is Hercules?
Can't you get it through
your thick heads?
I don't know any Hercules!
Now that that's settled,
I'll have the super
Souvlakia with a side of...
You'll get nothing and like it!
Maybe this will
refresh your memory.
Oh, you mean dumpster boy?
So, now he's masquerading
as "dumpster boy."
Fiendishly clever,
but I am cleverer still.
Let me tell you something.
He ran after that
garbage cart so fast,
he didn't even leave a
tip. I'm leaving this joint.
Aha. My deductive
left-brain reasoning
tells me that garbage cart
can only be headed
to one location.
The game is afoot.
Uhh. It's got to be here.
I'm looking as fast as I can.
Oh!
There it is!
Aah!
Uhh.
Nice timing.
Now let's go get that poem.
Orthos, party of two.
Ready for dinner.
Steady, boy. Almost got it.
- Shall we?
- After you.
Dumpster boy, ho!
Mine, mine!
Mine!
Did we get him?
Mine, all mine!
Great.
You took my poem!
Mine! My poem.
No, my poem. I wrote it.
Mine. I wrote it.
Mine, mine, mine.
Whoa! Hey!
Whoa! Watch it!
Home. No place like it.
Shh.
Ha!
Good poem. Big hero.
She likes it.
Glad I wrote it.
Hey! Whoa!
Hephaestus, babe,
listen, hate to nudge,
but Zeus has this
smithing thing at 7:00,
and he is utterly without
thunderbolts. You dig?
Poor planning on his part
does not constitute
an emergency on mine.
I'll be sure to pass that
along to the big guy.
I can't make it any
faster than I can make it.
Uh-oh.
Oh!
Uh, good evening.
I believe you have
something of mine.
My poem. My house. Get lost.
Uh, that stuff belongs to you.
Yeah. Oh, aha.
Aha.
The poem belongs to me.
Mine!
Listen, I really need
to practice that poem.
You see, the truth is...
I have a bit of a problem
with public speaking.
Loser. Get over it.
Would you just give
it to me already?
Mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine!
- Fabulous. I'm gone.
- Be careful. It's still hot.
Yah!
OK, let's take it from the top.
Ooh, look. Shiny.
Oh, ahh.
Ohh.
- Mine, give me!
- You want it? Go get it!
No!
Not my night.
Our reckoning is
at hand, Hercules!
He's gone again?
My scrunchy! Ha ha! Oh!
Wait here.
Whoa, whoa. Hold up.
What, your chariot on fire?
The man who just
went in has my poem.
Regular or epic?
Epic.
Bummer, baby.
Enjoy, ladies.
How old are you, poet?
Old enough.
Nice try, Tyke.
Oh, please. I have to recite
that poem in front of my class,
and if I don't practice,
I'll never get over my
fear of public speaking.
Come on, baby, just picture the
audience in their undergarments.
Excuse me?
It humanizes them, man.
Come on. Makes
them less imposing.
Oh, great. So,
uh, you'll let me in?
No way, baby. Beat
it. Hike. Scamoo.
There has to be
another way in this place.
Hey, kid, what's the matter,
You never heard of "excuse me"?
Oh, I'm sorry. Please excuse
me. I'm just in a bit of a hurry.
Oh, that's OK.
Come on. Sit down.
That's very kind, but
I'm... sitting down again.
Arm wrestle?
No, thank you, really.
I'm just going to
grab my tablet.
Ready... go!
Aah!
Thanks a lot. It's been fun.
Hey, wait. Hold
it. I wasn't ready!
Well, thanks so much.
We'll do it again sometime.
Got you.
Well, well, we meet again.
City state trooper Chipecles.
Oh, this is not
what it looks like.
I-I just came here
to get my poem.
I really need to
practice reading it.
Zip it. Try reading that.
"No one under XVIII admitted."
Underage and a thief.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
See, you don't understand.
I can explain everything.
Explain it to the judge, junior.
I'm taking you in.
You just missed him.
The kid got busted,
pinched, caged.
Sorry, twins.
Let's just forget it.
The key to obsessive
behavior, brother,
is follow-through.
Which way to the jail?
Uh, there, baby.
So this whole silly
misunderstanding, really,
was caused by a
fear of public speaking.
Can you believe it?
You want the key
to public speaking?
A strong topic sentence.
That way, even if the
rest of your speech tanks,
people will have one
good thing to remember.
That's not very comforting.
Then try this. You don't have
to worry about your presentation,
'cause you're going to
be locked up ad infinitum,
and that goes for
your pony pal, too.
Oh, father, I don't
often ask for help...
Surprise! Surprise!
Orthos?
Correct, Hercules.
We meet again.
That roof is the property
of the Athens P.D., monster.
Send us a bill, flatfoot.
We're here for Hercules.
Ah, in cahoots with a
two-headed cyclops, huh?
That figures.
No, it's not like that.
Tell him it's not like that!
- I don't think so.
- No!
What do you want?
Don't play coy, hero.
We've come to avenge our
humiliating defeat at your hands.
Let's just eat him and
get on with our lives, OK?
Oh, we'll eat him, all right.
- Thank you.
- We'll eat him in front of people,
lots of people.
We need a bigger playing field.
Help! Help!
That's right, fear
the mighty Orthos!
But stick around
to watch the fight.
I order you to stop terrorizing
these good people.
Cute. We will now set
forth the rules of this battle.
Rules?
We're tough but fair.
Uhh!
Rule number one... No kicking.
Uhh!
Get him!
He's making us look bad.
Uhh!
Sorry I can't chat,
but I'm late for school.
You did good, kid.
Thanks. Oh, my
gosh. I'm late for class.
Hold it, hold it.
There's still the matter of you and
a certain seedy waterfront taverna.
You can't...
But in light of your
recent hot-dog heroics,
I think I can look the
other way this time.
Oh, thank you.
But know this... if I catch you
on the wrong side
of the law again,
I'm taking you down hard!
Right. Got it.
Remember, strong topic sentence!
Mr. Hercules, you're late.
Where have you been?
Well, it all began yesterday...
and when I looked back
down, the tablet was gone.
I looked all over
Speedy Pita, but...
So, I'm in the garbage
cart, which smells really ripe,
and it tips me into the dump.
Ugh! Stink city.
Fortunately, Pegasus was in the
neighborhood, and he caught me.
Have you ever met a harpy?
Ugh! What a pain.
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
After I nearly
fell off the ledge,
I offered her something
shiny, and that got rid of her.
I was this close to the
tablet when a thunderbolt hits.
What is a city-state trooper
doing in a taverna anyway?
So, there we are, me and
Orthos, the two-headed cyclops.
I swung as hard as I could.
He... I mean, they went down,
which brings us to this morning.
Ho! Epic!
Wait, that wasn't it.
Mr. Hercules,
that tale was outlandish
beyond belief...
Mayhem and monsters,
coincidences and catastrophes.
Alpha-plus!
It was everything an
epic poem should be.
No, that... that
really happened.
This is my...
alpha-plus? Really? Wow.
- Guess who.
- My grade.
My grade. Mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine!