Hercules (1998–1999): Season 2, Episode 3 - Hercules and the Driving Test - full transcript
Hercules wants his chariot license to show up Adonis. Meanwhile, Hades bets Zeus the deed to the Elysian Fields that Hercules will not get his license by the end of the day, and he sends Pain and Panic to make sure it doesn't happen.
♪ Who put the
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
Let us consider the
special role of the hero.
Heroes occupy a unique
place in this world and beyond.
Their private corner of the
underworld is the Elysian Fields.
In the pastoral splendor
of the Elysian Fields,
heroes enjoy the endless
golden hours of eternity...
Hold it!
Sounds like you're talking
about some boring cruise ship.
Honey, the Elysian Fields
is the place heroes go to party!
Do you mind?
I'm trying to make this a
distinguished presentation.
Honey, go on sit your
distinguished butt down.
We'll show you how to sell it.
♪ Because you've earned
A hero's reputation ♪
♪ You deserve an
extra long vacation ♪
♪ The best eternal
rest and relaxation ♪
♪ Elysian Fields ♪
I can see it.
I can smell it.
But I can't touch it!
The ritziest country
club in the universe
is just a brimstone's
throw away...
and it's restricted.
Yeah! Too bad Zeus set it
up so you can never go in!
Uh, did I say "too bad"?
Oh, I-I meant it's
a crying shame.
An affront to the very cosmos?
Mind the store, boys.
I'm going upstairs.
Ooh.
Ah, I love the night life!
People from near and far
joining together in a public forum
with one common goal...
To ignore us completely.
Oh, look.
It's Helen...
The face most likely to
launch an international conflict.
Hi, kids!
Hi, Helen.
Like she really heard you.
Ah, to bask in your
prickly cynicism, my sweet.
It gladdens my
heart to sit with you.
Not with me... near me.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Whoo!
I'm not kidding.
Helen, my dear.
Forsake these commoners
and come ride with the royal me.
Oh, you're sweet, Adonis,
but I gave my
attendants the night off.
How would I get my chariot home?
Me! I'll do it!
I'll drive you home.
You see? Throw
some nobody a bone.
Oh, Daddy would
just have kittens
if I entrusted my
chariot to anyone
without a spotless
driving record.
Oh, Hercules! Natch!
And the forecast
for tonight is perky.
Oh, you're a dear.
Drive safely.
I can't. Uh, the...
The truth is, I don't
have a driver's license.
That is a stunning admission,
even for a loser
such as yourself.
Well, I'm sure you have
many other nice qualities.
Oh, come on.
I can't be the only one
here without a license.
Can I?
But I... I've got
a flying horse.
Am I supposed to be impressed?
Because I'm not...
in the slightest.
I, uh, I'm planning to get
my license... tomorrow.
Since when?
Since now.
Ohh.
Oh, really?
I believe the temple of moving
vehicles closes at sunset.
So you'll have a license
by that time tomorrow?
Definitely.
Then bring it here.
Oh, I will.
See you at sunset.
Oh, you will.
Hoo!
My man Herc, right here.
Mr. Confident.
You don't know
how to drive, do you?
Not even a clue.
Hey, Zeus!
Hey, how are ya, huh?
It's been too long.
You don't call, you don't write.
- Hey.
- Hades.
G'day, mate. How are
things "down under"?
Ha! "Down under!" get it?
Lightning wit, as usual. Great.
Sit down. Give
your flame a rest.
Nectar? Ambrosia?
Gives me gas.
OK, let me cut
right to the chase.
You know the Elysian Fields?
I got a little development
brewing there, OK?
Kind of a, uh, time share.
Actually, I wouldn't
share. It would be all mine.
But you understand
the concept. OK.
And I know you're a busy
god, so I was wondering,
you just might want
to transfer title to me.
Just a little autograph, and
then, boom, I'm outta your hair.
Whaddya say?
But it's supposed to be
the blissful refuge of heroes.
Yeah, the happiest
place under earth. I know.
There goes Apollo.
Right on schedule.
Ou can set your
watch by that guy.
Yeah, people do, actually.
Oh.
It's time for the morning
Hercules report, your mightiness.
Take a number, twinkle toes.
I'm doing a little
negotiating here.
Chill out, Hades.
Ha! Look at that!
I should make a wish!
How about a death wish?
One day to learn
to drive? Sheesh!
OK, kid, let's start
with the basics.
You gotta evaluate
the situation,
and always look both ways!
Whoo-hoo!
Waah!
Kid! Kid! You're
losing points for this!
OK, this is a good time
to talk about passing.
All right, listen up.
The key is to be
confident, but relaxed.
Whoa!
- Oof! Aah!
- Ooh!
Kid, watch out!
Yaaaah!
Yah! Get outta the way!
Maybe you should
stick to the flying horse.
So, now, he's only
got until sunset
to pass his driver's test.
Isn't that just too wacky?
I'll go out on a limb here
and just kind of predict that
my dear nephew blows it... badly.
For your information, Hades,
what Hercules sets
out to do, he does.
Oh, flawlessly, I'm
sure, but, you know, still.
You know, I'm thinking,
maybe you'd care
to make a little wager.
You mean bet on my son
to complete a nearly
impossible task?
In a heartbeat.
Hey-hey! Fabulous! I'll
take some of that action.
You know, we'll need
some stakes, though,
just to, you know,
make it interesting.
Hmm, let's see. Ooh,
you know, here's an idea.
If junior doesn't get
that license by sunset,
uh, you give me Elysian
Fields. What do you say?
That's outrageous!
Ooh, deal me out.
Fine, fine. Say no more.
You don't have that kind of
confidence in the little tyke.
I understand.
After all, he's only
human... mostly.
You're on!
Oh, and Zeus, ha ha,
You know, anybody
could do this with your help.
Why, Hades, I would
never dream of interfering.
Uh-huh.
OK, good. Oh, and Hermes,
you stick there, too, OK?
OK, gents. Catch you later.
If you need me,
hey, I'll be packing.
Ha!
- What?
- What?
Whatever it takes,
You make sure that kid
flunks that driving test.
Capisce?
Pardon our ignorance...
Your vengefulness...
But didn't Zeus
swear to stay out of it?
He did, actually. I didn't.
Get it?
Oh, when he's
bad... He's very bad.
Next stop... the road to ruin!
The detour of doom!
The, um... jinx of the "Spinx."
It's Sphinx, and
we're doing alliteration,
not rhymes!
Get to work, jerk.
You guys are the greatest to
come along and help me cram.
Oh, it's our pleasure.
OK, you're traveling on the
road from Athens to Sparta.
How many horse lengths must you
remain behind the chariot in front of you?
Sorry, folks!
Road closed for repairs.
Your tax drachmas at work.
But we've got to get to the
temple of moving vehicles...
Fast!
That side road will
get you there in a jiffy.
And the views are lovely.
Thanks.
Happy trails!
Hercules.
Say hi to the "Spinx" for us.
Hmm. What does that sign mean?
Herc, Mister I-Memorized
the-Entire-T.M.V.-Manual,
lay it on me, baby.
It's a creature with the wings
of a bird and the body of a lion!
Buddy, you are ready!
It's coming right at us!
Please, we mean you no harm.
We're just passing through.
Not anymore.
You're here... to have fun!
Welcome to the
Riddle of the Sphinx!
And now, here's your
host, Sphinx Martindale!
Ha ha ha. Thank you, bony.
The rules of our game
couldn't be any simpler.
I ask just one question.
Right answer wins you
freedom and fabulous prizes.
Wrong answer and
you lose... your lives!
Ahhh!
Hey, welcome back, everybody!
Let's take a minute
to meet today's player.
Hi there. What's your name?
Uh... Hercules?
Well, Hercules,
I'd introduce some
former contestants, but...
I've eaten them all!
But enough chitchat. Here we go.
And the killer question is,
what is it that a man does
standing up, a lady does sitting down,
and a dog does on three legs?
Uh... Can I have a goodbye hug?
Grow up.
All right... Man
does it standing up,
woman sitting down,
dog on three legs.
Your answer, please.
A goodbye handshake?
Shake hands.
Oh, I'm sorry!
But for being such a good sport,
You get instant death
and the Sphinx home ga...
What did you say?
Shake hands.
That's right.
Nobody's ever
gotten it right before.
OK, Bony, tell
him what he's won.
Glad to, Sphinx.
Hercules, you'll
be leaving in style
in a brand-new chariot!
How convenient.
Aah.
♪ There's no place like home ♪
Big house, no fireplace, heh?
Enough's enough. Do
you know what I'm saying?
It's a wrap, boss.
Nobody's ever beaten
Sphinx Martindale.
Yeah, Herc's as good as dead!
Just a little bungalow for moi?
Herc's as good as dead,
so let me just ask
you a question.
If Hercules were dead...
don't you think I'd
be the first to know?
Um... You mean because
you're the, uh, lord of the dead?
Duh.
Maybe we'll just
go... double-check.
Ah!
Look out!
Ho, mama!
We're all gonna die!
Whoa, I say!
Uh-oh. Busted.
A speed trap.
I should have
foreseen it coming.
Just let me do the talking.
Teenagers out joyriding.
I've seen it a million times.
Tough luck, kids.
Driver's licenses.
I don't have one.
Actually, we're on
our way to get it now!
Not anymore.
Driving is a privilege, not
a right, my young friends,
And you just lost it.
I'll have triple alpha
send out a tow wagon.
Have a nice day.
Thanks. You, too!
Where's Herc?
Did he get his license yet?
And a gracious hello
to you, too, Hermes.
No time, Philicimo.
Uh, why aren't you with the kid?
He's gotta learn.
Never promise something
you can't deliver.
That's rookie
mistake number one.
Ohh.
Uh, ixnay, babe.
So, they taunted
him, they teased him.
Only a sucker falls for that.
Open mouth, insert hoof.
I mean, I'm doing the
best I can with the kid.
But somebody should
have taught him the basics...
Somebody like... Ahem!
His father.
The big guy bet Hades that Herc
would come through by sunset.
Winner gets control
over the Elysian Fields.
And my boy is a
winner... Right, coach?
One hundred
percent! Tell you what.
Why don't I just go find the kid
and assist him in his efforts...
Your Majesty?
Oh, no!
This line will take forever!
I say we speed things up.
So the kid can fail... Right?
Uh, excuse me, Mister
Last-in-Line. Hello!
Me?
Yes, you. Come on down!
I know this stuff. I can do it.
Um, uh, if you're, like,
you know, driving along
and there's, uh,
a little baby lying in the road,
uh, what should you do?
Coffee break, guys. Take 10.
You mean coffee's
free in this place?
I think there's some
baklava left, too.
What a cushy job!
A break already and
we only just started.
I know.
We didn't even finish
giving Herc's test to...
Hercules, pass.
Ohh.
Proceed outside
where you'll be met
by your road-test examiner...
City state trooper Chipacles.
Heh.
The rules of the road
can save your life.
Know them, embrace
them. Now, stand up straight.
Hands on the reins
at 10:00 and 2:00.
Before pulling out into
traffic, you will do what?
Uh, I-look around to
make sure it's safe?
Do it!
Aha! There's the
little student driver.
We gotta stop him before Hades finds out
how close he came to getting that license!
Hello.
Hades!
We were just...
talking about you!
And, uh, how much we
missed your bold leadership
and inspiration...
I'm not wrong here, am I?
But I finally get
a chance to beat
Mr. Every-Which-Way-But-Zeus,
And you can't even do
this one, flaming thing!
Ha.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Ohh.
- Ohh.
My fault.
Never send a man
to do a god's job.
Whoa!
And I thought the
written test was tough!
Whoa.
Signal. Signal!
Ten and Two. Ten and Two.
Check your blind spot.
Check your blind spot.
Come to a complete
stop before making...
Good afternoon, racing fans.
The sky is clear,
the track is fast,
and the flame-injected,
hero-burning funny car
is coming in on the final turn!
Now... watch me take
the checkered flag.
Whoa! What have I done?
Whoa! Wow.
Uh-oh.
The kid is totaled.
Hades gets the victory
and... the Elysian Fields.
See ya in the
winners' circle, boys.
Ha!
Phil's right.
I never should have
opened my mouth.
Now I'll have nothing
to show Adonis.
That's not the worst of it, kid.
Phil! Pegasus!
Am I happy to see you two!
Yeah, yeah. Feeling's mutual.
Listen close.
You have got to get that license
today, and we're losing our light.
Look, Bureaucrates,
a friend has to get
his license today.
Teenage pride is at stake,
not to mention cosmic balance.
How about it?
Hmm. Unh-unh.
The sun is about to set...
But I will not allow
this temple to close!
I will not be moved!
I have to go to the bathroom.
Sir, is there any way
you can bend the rules...
Just this once?
I don't care if you're
the son of Zeus...
As a matter of
fact... rules are rules.
The T.M.V. closes when Apollo
pulls his chariot across the sky
and that life-giving
orb we call the sun
sets for another day,
which is right about now.
Huh.
Hey, don't go away!
Um, Mr. Apollo, my
name is Hercules.
I-I think you know
my father, Zeus.
If I could just take one
moment of your time.
Time to go ho... Huh?
Hmm. My watch stopped.
Actually, the sun stopped.
Pegasus, proceed at a speed
safe for current conditions!
Hey, hey. Nice wheels, kid.
A rental?
When Apollo heard
how Hades cheated,
he wanted to give
me a fighting chance.
How about another shot, sir?
The sun hasn't set yet.
Why not?
I'm a shoot-from-the-hip
kind of guy.
W-w-w-w-what?
He stopped the sunset?
Right before he
g-g-got his license.
Maybe Zeus will
go double or nothing.
Oh, Hades!
Nice.
I'm not the kind of god
to say, "I told you so,"
but... I told you so!
Maybe we should just
redecorate this place.
Huh?
I'm getting a crick in my neck.
Well, I think it's lovely.
Wha...
Ha ha ha!
Anybody need a lift?
Wow!
Maybe some other time.
Gotta run. I promised to
have it back by sunset...
Well, for sunset, if
you know what I mean.
See ya!
♪ Never bet against a hero ♪
♪ 'Cause as sure as
the sun will shine ♪
♪ He'll please the gods ♪
♪ Beat the odds ♪
♪ All in the nick of time ♪
Sphynx baby, it
was a great riddle
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
Let us consider the
special role of the hero.
Heroes occupy a unique
place in this world and beyond.
Their private corner of the
underworld is the Elysian Fields.
In the pastoral splendor
of the Elysian Fields,
heroes enjoy the endless
golden hours of eternity...
Hold it!
Sounds like you're talking
about some boring cruise ship.
Honey, the Elysian Fields
is the place heroes go to party!
Do you mind?
I'm trying to make this a
distinguished presentation.
Honey, go on sit your
distinguished butt down.
We'll show you how to sell it.
♪ Because you've earned
A hero's reputation ♪
♪ You deserve an
extra long vacation ♪
♪ The best eternal
rest and relaxation ♪
♪ Elysian Fields ♪
I can see it.
I can smell it.
But I can't touch it!
The ritziest country
club in the universe
is just a brimstone's
throw away...
and it's restricted.
Yeah! Too bad Zeus set it
up so you can never go in!
Uh, did I say "too bad"?
Oh, I-I meant it's
a crying shame.
An affront to the very cosmos?
Mind the store, boys.
I'm going upstairs.
Ooh.
Ah, I love the night life!
People from near and far
joining together in a public forum
with one common goal...
To ignore us completely.
Oh, look.
It's Helen...
The face most likely to
launch an international conflict.
Hi, kids!
Hi, Helen.
Like she really heard you.
Ah, to bask in your
prickly cynicism, my sweet.
It gladdens my
heart to sit with you.
Not with me... near me.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Whoo!
I'm not kidding.
Helen, my dear.
Forsake these commoners
and come ride with the royal me.
Oh, you're sweet, Adonis,
but I gave my
attendants the night off.
How would I get my chariot home?
Me! I'll do it!
I'll drive you home.
You see? Throw
some nobody a bone.
Oh, Daddy would
just have kittens
if I entrusted my
chariot to anyone
without a spotless
driving record.
Oh, Hercules! Natch!
And the forecast
for tonight is perky.
Oh, you're a dear.
Drive safely.
I can't. Uh, the...
The truth is, I don't
have a driver's license.
That is a stunning admission,
even for a loser
such as yourself.
Well, I'm sure you have
many other nice qualities.
Oh, come on.
I can't be the only one
here without a license.
Can I?
But I... I've got
a flying horse.
Am I supposed to be impressed?
Because I'm not...
in the slightest.
I, uh, I'm planning to get
my license... tomorrow.
Since when?
Since now.
Ohh.
Oh, really?
I believe the temple of moving
vehicles closes at sunset.
So you'll have a license
by that time tomorrow?
Definitely.
Then bring it here.
Oh, I will.
See you at sunset.
Oh, you will.
Hoo!
My man Herc, right here.
Mr. Confident.
You don't know
how to drive, do you?
Not even a clue.
Hey, Zeus!
Hey, how are ya, huh?
It's been too long.
You don't call, you don't write.
- Hey.
- Hades.
G'day, mate. How are
things "down under"?
Ha! "Down under!" get it?
Lightning wit, as usual. Great.
Sit down. Give
your flame a rest.
Nectar? Ambrosia?
Gives me gas.
OK, let me cut
right to the chase.
You know the Elysian Fields?
I got a little development
brewing there, OK?
Kind of a, uh, time share.
Actually, I wouldn't
share. It would be all mine.
But you understand
the concept. OK.
And I know you're a busy
god, so I was wondering,
you just might want
to transfer title to me.
Just a little autograph, and
then, boom, I'm outta your hair.
Whaddya say?
But it's supposed to be
the blissful refuge of heroes.
Yeah, the happiest
place under earth. I know.
There goes Apollo.
Right on schedule.
Ou can set your
watch by that guy.
Yeah, people do, actually.
Oh.
It's time for the morning
Hercules report, your mightiness.
Take a number, twinkle toes.
I'm doing a little
negotiating here.
Chill out, Hades.
Ha! Look at that!
I should make a wish!
How about a death wish?
One day to learn
to drive? Sheesh!
OK, kid, let's start
with the basics.
You gotta evaluate
the situation,
and always look both ways!
Whoo-hoo!
Waah!
Kid! Kid! You're
losing points for this!
OK, this is a good time
to talk about passing.
All right, listen up.
The key is to be
confident, but relaxed.
Whoa!
- Oof! Aah!
- Ooh!
Kid, watch out!
Yaaaah!
Yah! Get outta the way!
Maybe you should
stick to the flying horse.
So, now, he's only
got until sunset
to pass his driver's test.
Isn't that just too wacky?
I'll go out on a limb here
and just kind of predict that
my dear nephew blows it... badly.
For your information, Hades,
what Hercules sets
out to do, he does.
Oh, flawlessly, I'm
sure, but, you know, still.
You know, I'm thinking,
maybe you'd care
to make a little wager.
You mean bet on my son
to complete a nearly
impossible task?
In a heartbeat.
Hey-hey! Fabulous! I'll
take some of that action.
You know, we'll need
some stakes, though,
just to, you know,
make it interesting.
Hmm, let's see. Ooh,
you know, here's an idea.
If junior doesn't get
that license by sunset,
uh, you give me Elysian
Fields. What do you say?
That's outrageous!
Ooh, deal me out.
Fine, fine. Say no more.
You don't have that kind of
confidence in the little tyke.
I understand.
After all, he's only
human... mostly.
You're on!
Oh, and Zeus, ha ha,
You know, anybody
could do this with your help.
Why, Hades, I would
never dream of interfering.
Uh-huh.
OK, good. Oh, and Hermes,
you stick there, too, OK?
OK, gents. Catch you later.
If you need me,
hey, I'll be packing.
Ha!
- What?
- What?
Whatever it takes,
You make sure that kid
flunks that driving test.
Capisce?
Pardon our ignorance...
Your vengefulness...
But didn't Zeus
swear to stay out of it?
He did, actually. I didn't.
Get it?
Oh, when he's
bad... He's very bad.
Next stop... the road to ruin!
The detour of doom!
The, um... jinx of the "Spinx."
It's Sphinx, and
we're doing alliteration,
not rhymes!
Get to work, jerk.
You guys are the greatest to
come along and help me cram.
Oh, it's our pleasure.
OK, you're traveling on the
road from Athens to Sparta.
How many horse lengths must you
remain behind the chariot in front of you?
Sorry, folks!
Road closed for repairs.
Your tax drachmas at work.
But we've got to get to the
temple of moving vehicles...
Fast!
That side road will
get you there in a jiffy.
And the views are lovely.
Thanks.
Happy trails!
Hercules.
Say hi to the "Spinx" for us.
Hmm. What does that sign mean?
Herc, Mister I-Memorized
the-Entire-T.M.V.-Manual,
lay it on me, baby.
It's a creature with the wings
of a bird and the body of a lion!
Buddy, you are ready!
It's coming right at us!
Please, we mean you no harm.
We're just passing through.
Not anymore.
You're here... to have fun!
Welcome to the
Riddle of the Sphinx!
And now, here's your
host, Sphinx Martindale!
Ha ha ha. Thank you, bony.
The rules of our game
couldn't be any simpler.
I ask just one question.
Right answer wins you
freedom and fabulous prizes.
Wrong answer and
you lose... your lives!
Ahhh!
Hey, welcome back, everybody!
Let's take a minute
to meet today's player.
Hi there. What's your name?
Uh... Hercules?
Well, Hercules,
I'd introduce some
former contestants, but...
I've eaten them all!
But enough chitchat. Here we go.
And the killer question is,
what is it that a man does
standing up, a lady does sitting down,
and a dog does on three legs?
Uh... Can I have a goodbye hug?
Grow up.
All right... Man
does it standing up,
woman sitting down,
dog on three legs.
Your answer, please.
A goodbye handshake?
Shake hands.
Oh, I'm sorry!
But for being such a good sport,
You get instant death
and the Sphinx home ga...
What did you say?
Shake hands.
That's right.
Nobody's ever
gotten it right before.
OK, Bony, tell
him what he's won.
Glad to, Sphinx.
Hercules, you'll
be leaving in style
in a brand-new chariot!
How convenient.
Aah.
♪ There's no place like home ♪
Big house, no fireplace, heh?
Enough's enough. Do
you know what I'm saying?
It's a wrap, boss.
Nobody's ever beaten
Sphinx Martindale.
Yeah, Herc's as good as dead!
Just a little bungalow for moi?
Herc's as good as dead,
so let me just ask
you a question.
If Hercules were dead...
don't you think I'd
be the first to know?
Um... You mean because
you're the, uh, lord of the dead?
Duh.
Maybe we'll just
go... double-check.
Ah!
Look out!
Ho, mama!
We're all gonna die!
Whoa, I say!
Uh-oh. Busted.
A speed trap.
I should have
foreseen it coming.
Just let me do the talking.
Teenagers out joyriding.
I've seen it a million times.
Tough luck, kids.
Driver's licenses.
I don't have one.
Actually, we're on
our way to get it now!
Not anymore.
Driving is a privilege, not
a right, my young friends,
And you just lost it.
I'll have triple alpha
send out a tow wagon.
Have a nice day.
Thanks. You, too!
Where's Herc?
Did he get his license yet?
And a gracious hello
to you, too, Hermes.
No time, Philicimo.
Uh, why aren't you with the kid?
He's gotta learn.
Never promise something
you can't deliver.
That's rookie
mistake number one.
Ohh.
Uh, ixnay, babe.
So, they taunted
him, they teased him.
Only a sucker falls for that.
Open mouth, insert hoof.
I mean, I'm doing the
best I can with the kid.
But somebody should
have taught him the basics...
Somebody like... Ahem!
His father.
The big guy bet Hades that Herc
would come through by sunset.
Winner gets control
over the Elysian Fields.
And my boy is a
winner... Right, coach?
One hundred
percent! Tell you what.
Why don't I just go find the kid
and assist him in his efforts...
Your Majesty?
Oh, no!
This line will take forever!
I say we speed things up.
So the kid can fail... Right?
Uh, excuse me, Mister
Last-in-Line. Hello!
Me?
Yes, you. Come on down!
I know this stuff. I can do it.
Um, uh, if you're, like,
you know, driving along
and there's, uh,
a little baby lying in the road,
uh, what should you do?
Coffee break, guys. Take 10.
You mean coffee's
free in this place?
I think there's some
baklava left, too.
What a cushy job!
A break already and
we only just started.
I know.
We didn't even finish
giving Herc's test to...
Hercules, pass.
Ohh.
Proceed outside
where you'll be met
by your road-test examiner...
City state trooper Chipacles.
Heh.
The rules of the road
can save your life.
Know them, embrace
them. Now, stand up straight.
Hands on the reins
at 10:00 and 2:00.
Before pulling out into
traffic, you will do what?
Uh, I-look around to
make sure it's safe?
Do it!
Aha! There's the
little student driver.
We gotta stop him before Hades finds out
how close he came to getting that license!
Hello.
Hades!
We were just...
talking about you!
And, uh, how much we
missed your bold leadership
and inspiration...
I'm not wrong here, am I?
But I finally get
a chance to beat
Mr. Every-Which-Way-But-Zeus,
And you can't even do
this one, flaming thing!
Ha.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
- Ohh.
- Ohh.
My fault.
Never send a man
to do a god's job.
Whoa!
And I thought the
written test was tough!
Whoa.
Signal. Signal!
Ten and Two. Ten and Two.
Check your blind spot.
Check your blind spot.
Come to a complete
stop before making...
Good afternoon, racing fans.
The sky is clear,
the track is fast,
and the flame-injected,
hero-burning funny car
is coming in on the final turn!
Now... watch me take
the checkered flag.
Whoa! What have I done?
Whoa! Wow.
Uh-oh.
The kid is totaled.
Hades gets the victory
and... the Elysian Fields.
See ya in the
winners' circle, boys.
Ha!
Phil's right.
I never should have
opened my mouth.
Now I'll have nothing
to show Adonis.
That's not the worst of it, kid.
Phil! Pegasus!
Am I happy to see you two!
Yeah, yeah. Feeling's mutual.
Listen close.
You have got to get that license
today, and we're losing our light.
Look, Bureaucrates,
a friend has to get
his license today.
Teenage pride is at stake,
not to mention cosmic balance.
How about it?
Hmm. Unh-unh.
The sun is about to set...
But I will not allow
this temple to close!
I will not be moved!
I have to go to the bathroom.
Sir, is there any way
you can bend the rules...
Just this once?
I don't care if you're
the son of Zeus...
As a matter of
fact... rules are rules.
The T.M.V. closes when Apollo
pulls his chariot across the sky
and that life-giving
orb we call the sun
sets for another day,
which is right about now.
Huh.
Hey, don't go away!
Um, Mr. Apollo, my
name is Hercules.
I-I think you know
my father, Zeus.
If I could just take one
moment of your time.
Time to go ho... Huh?
Hmm. My watch stopped.
Actually, the sun stopped.
Pegasus, proceed at a speed
safe for current conditions!
Hey, hey. Nice wheels, kid.
A rental?
When Apollo heard
how Hades cheated,
he wanted to give
me a fighting chance.
How about another shot, sir?
The sun hasn't set yet.
Why not?
I'm a shoot-from-the-hip
kind of guy.
W-w-w-w-what?
He stopped the sunset?
Right before he
g-g-got his license.
Maybe Zeus will
go double or nothing.
Oh, Hades!
Nice.
I'm not the kind of god
to say, "I told you so,"
but... I told you so!
Maybe we should just
redecorate this place.
Huh?
I'm getting a crick in my neck.
Well, I think it's lovely.
Wha...
Ha ha ha!
Anybody need a lift?
Wow!
Maybe some other time.
Gotta run. I promised to
have it back by sunset...
Well, for sunset, if
you know what I mean.
See ya!
♪ Never bet against a hero ♪
♪ 'Cause as sure as
the sun will shine ♪
♪ He'll please the gods ♪
♪ Beat the odds ♪
♪ All in the nick of time ♪
Sphynx baby, it
was a great riddle