Hercules (1998–1999): Season 2, Episode 4 - Hercules and the Parents' Weekend - full transcript

♪ Who put the
"glad" in gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold? ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet? ♪

♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪

- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪



- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Sun is shinin' ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪

♪ He's our hero ♪

♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪



♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see!

Prometheus Academy parents,
on behalf of myself, Parentheses,

and our venerable faculty...
You know who you are...

Welcome, one and all...
Except tuition-tardy deadbeats.

- Let's go.
- Let's go.

Ha! Open house! Oh, yeah!

Get to see the
parents on campus.

Groovy.

Icarus, you see your father
every day in shop class.

No! Not my parents, silly!

I'm meeting the two people
who dared to take a dream

and make it a reality...

A dream called Cassandra.

I'm having a nightmare...

A nightmare called Icarus.

It's funny... some kids' parents

re nothing like I pictured...

Oh!

And some are... exactly.

So, Herc, can we expect
an earthly appearance

by big daddy "Z"?

Uh, I sent the
invitation to Olympus...

Hermes express.

Their royal majesties...

King Cinyras and
Queen Myrrha of Thrace.

Make way for the blue bloods.

Unlike your parents, who
are no doubt blue-collar.

Ha ha ha!

Ho, ho!

You are bitin' for
a smitin', mister.

I think you'll be
pretty surprised

when my parents
get here, Adonis.

Yes... surprised they have
the ability to walk erect.

Now, I must
embrace my trust fund.

Daddums, Mumsie,
so glad you could come.

Mwah. Mwah.

I wouldn't have traded a visit with
my boy For all the gold in Thrace.

Which, of course,
we already have.

- Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha! How about that.

Wait till the clouds part,

and my parents make a
big Olympian entrance.

Adonis will eat his words.

I foresee a weekend
of humiliation.

Pile it on. Adonis earned it.

Cassandra!

Not Adonis. Me.

Where's our little casserole?

We've been looking
for you, sugarplum.

I said, "Vic, I think
she's hiding from us."

Ha ha! Of course ha
ha! She was kidding.

Of course.

Save me.

Cassandra, they're your parents.

Sighs Try the Greek
ideal of embarrassment.

Casserole, you never
told us you had a steady.

See what I mean?

They called Icarus "steady."

Cassandra, they love you.

You have nothing
to be ashamed of.

You are so wrong.

You should love them, no matter
how much they embarrass you.

They raised you!

Son, son. Here we are!

Yoo-hoo!

Hercules!

When am I supposed
to be... pretty surprised?

W-W-Who-o-oa!

Aaahhh!

Ugh! Ugh!

Slow down, son.

Ha! We've got all weekend.

Mom. Pop.

Penelope. I wasn't
expecting you...

Uh, so early.

Well, the invitation says,

"Allow plenty of time
for cross-town traffic."

You got the invitation?

I mean... I mean you
got... You got the invitation!

Wow!

Let's go have us a look-see

at this fancy school of yours.

Ha ha! Oh, we can't
wait to meet your friends.

Ah, Hercules, what
a fine donkey cart.

Your father must
have made a killing

in the slop market.

"Slop."

Adonis, aren't you going to
introduce your academy chum?

You can meet him tonight
at the gala parents' dinner.

That should be rich. Ha ha!

Oh, golly! A parents' dinner?

Oh! Ha ha! What fun!

Oh, yeah... Fun.

This your first
catering job, kid?

Well, I used to
deliver for speedy pita.

Huh. Why did ya leave?

I almost got eaten by
a two-headed cyclops.

Ha! Fast food.

Professional catering's
a different game.

Aaahhh!

Come on!

Stinkin' cross-town traffic!

Oh, man!

Not again!

I got a gala full
of hungry people,

and, brother, you're in my way.

Hyah!

Wow!

Professional catering
is not for chickens, kid.

Grrrhuh?

Yum, yum!

Aha!

And here's our little casserole

when she was only one year old.

Daddy's little girl.

Oh, such carefree days of youth!

And I thought seeing
the future was a curse.

Oh, I brought some
baby Herc poses, too.

Mom, nobody wants to see those.

Hercules, they're cute.

Ooh! Who is this
darling little naked child?

It's so cute!

Hey! Maybe we should see
what your parents brought along.

As a matter of fact,

Tthey're about to make
the presentation now.

I'd like to humbly thank
his majesty, King Cinyras,

for his generous
gift and tax write-off.

A bronze Adonis... lovely.

Add a little Mediterranean
sun, and we'll be bronze twinsies.

It will occupy a place of prominence
behind the faculty washroom.

Now, let's dive into our
sumptuous... If catered... Feast.

So, where are
the... country kinfolk?

They're with... your parents.

I'm working on something
new back home...

Crossing a mule with a goat.

It gives me milk
with a little kick in it.

- Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha!

Oh, animal husbandry...
Such rich comic fodder.

Oh, yes, you jackanapes, you.

Hey, they look like they're
getting along with your folks.

Please. My father's obviously just
amused by their simpleton ways.

He left his court
jester at home.

I mean, come on.

Oh, yeah. I should have known.

Mmm. Liver pâté. Yum.

Oh, Cassandra.
I can't take this.

My parents are so embarrassing!

Join the club.

Club?

Quick poll... if
you had to choose,

would you kiss a gorgon or be seen
shopping at the Agora with your parents?

Gorgon.

This is different.

I wanted my god
parents to come here

because, I don't know, it
would make me look so cool.

My mortal parents
are just so... ordinary.

I'm sorry, son...

Sorry that we're
ordinary mortals.

Oh, Pop, I didn't...

I didn't know you were there.

Guessed you didn't.

But, Pop, wait. I...
I-I didn't mean to...

Ignore your own advice?

- Huh?
- I think it went something like,

"They love you. They raised you.

You have nothing
to be ashamed of."

And I still love them,

no matter how much
they embarrass me.

Oh, thanks, Cassandra.

Sure. And if you run
into Vic and Evelyn,

keep running!

Cassandra, we just... Kidding!

Maybe we ought to go home

before we embarrass
our boy anymore.

Mom, Pop, I'm sorry!

I can explain everything.

Except that.

Aaahhh!

Hush, woman. No need to panic.

Grrr! Grrr!

Cover the canapés! Grab the
crudité! Batten down the hors d'oeuvres.

Ooh, is this, um...

"glittering salute to
parents and guardians"?

Sorry, no. I
believe it is Ladon...

A mountain of living gullet.

Oh, thanks.

Mom, Pop, stay here!

Where are my soldiers?

Wait a second! You've got
some shmuts on your face.

Mom.

This is hero stuff!

This is a private party!

I have to ask you...

- Grrr!
- To leave... Ow... Quietly.

Protect me, me! Ooh!

All right... No more
food service for me!

Hey!

Aah!

Over here!

Ugh!

Look! He's calming down!

Grrrr!

Ugh!

Yah!

Ow!

Whoa!

Oh, my baby!

Son!

OK, then. Who wants
to sing along with Vic?

Play a travel game?
Ooh! Tell scary stories?

I think this is plenty
scary enough.

Do not fear, common people.

My son, the prince, is no doubt
taking swift and decisive action.

We're going to
have a coronation.

King Adonis...

It just rolls off the
tongue so naturally.

Where'd everybody go?

Are you familiar with Echidna,
the mother of all monsters?

Ladon, where have
you been, baby?

Mommy's been looking for you.

Mama!

Uh-huh. What do you have?

Show me!

And I thought Athens
was a wild town.

Oh, I get motion sickness
whenever I travel to a land I don't rule.

Hey!

Mmm.

Ladon, what have I told you?

You know you're not
ready for solid foods.

Ugh!

Whew! That was close!

I need to mash
them up first. Heh!

Oh!

Remember this place, Pegasus?

The domain of Echidna.

OK, now we need a plan.

Any ideas?

How many times
do I have to tell you...

Don't play with your food!

Now, go dirty up for dinner.

You're all clean...
it's embarrassing!

Were you born in a palace?

Ay! Kids... they never listen!

Huh! Tell me about it.

The same was
true of our little boy.

H-h-how can you be
talking to this monster?

She's getting ready to stew us!

She's a parent. We're parents.

I think we can find
common ground.

Oh, yes. You know,
when our son was a baby,

he bothered us day and night.

Well, he was always...
Well, actually, no.

He was bothering a nanny. We
never saw much of him until he was 12.

Shh! Pegasus, quiet!

Oh!

It's thankless, ieing the
mother of all monsters.

Yes, but the rewards
are so wonderful.

No matter how
trying they may be,

you still love them.

Well, our little
casserole is just...

Casserole?

Haven't made one
of those in a while.

Oh, tell us more about
your little monsters.

Oh, you don't want to hear
about my ungrateful kids,

believe me.

Hey, we're not going anywhere.

♪ I wouldn't kid ya ♪

♪ It's not easy being Echidna ♪

♪ The mother of all monsters ♪

♪ Is the toughest job to do ♪

Oh, you have no idea.

♪ You try to teach
them wrong from right ♪

♪ The proper way to drool ♪

♪ You give the best
years of your life ♪

♪ And hope they turn out cruel ♪

♪ But they don't make
Their supper squeal ♪

♪ By filing their fangs
Before every meal ♪

♪ It makes my black heart blue ♪

♪ What's a mother to do? ♪

♪ They eat in such a hurry ♪

♪ As if torture was a task ♪

♪ Just write to me sometimes!
I'm a mother! I worry! ♪

♪ Now, is that
too much to ask? ♪

♪ From time to time,
They lose their heads ♪

♪ Forget to rip a
town to shreds ♪

♪ And break all bones in two ♪

♪ What's a mother to do? ♪

♪ Why can't they stomp ♪

♪ And chortle like
a monster should ♪

♪ Instead of romping
merrily Through the woods? ♪

It's embarrassing!

♪ They don't like grrr-ing
When they're stirring up ♪

♪ The Greeks in
a stinkpot stew ♪

♪ When will they get a clue ♪

♪ On how to spit and spew? ♪

♪ Oy, vai, I'm asking you ♪

♪ What's a mother to do? ♪

Hercules!

You! What have you
got against my family?

Ugh! I won't let you eat

the greatest parents
a guy could ever have!

Aah!

That's my boy! Show
that beast who's boss, son!

Come on! Let's get out of here!

Pegasus? Boy?

Ha! Sic 'em, baby!

Ahh!

Ugh!

Oh! Waaa!

Waa! Waa! Oh!

Look! His mouth!

Oh! Aah! Ooh!

Oh, my precious. What's
wrong with you, baby?

That baby's teething!

Oh, more good news.

You know, I wondered what
had him so fussy and cranky.

I guess I won't be
needing this now.

Whew! Because
you're letting us go?

No, because now my baby's
ready for grown-up food!

Whoa!

Son, no matter what happens,

you'll always be a hero to us.

Can't you make her a cash offer?

Well, I've tried,

But she's not
interested in gold.

Oh, she is a monster!

- Ooh! Aah!
- Oh!

Is it soup yet, huh?

I like soup!

Clam up, Vic!
We're all going to die!

Ugh!

Oh, needs spice.

And bring to a boil!

Ha ha! Love it!

Oh, is baby hungry?

I suppose one bite
won't ruin your appetite.

They say wonder boys help
build strong bodies 12 ways.

Ah-ah-ah-choo!

Huh?

Aah!

All right!

Come on! Let's ruin dinner!

Waa!

Start running!
I'll distract her!

Oh, what's the use?
Game over, man!

Stick a fork in us. We're done.

We can make it. Follow me!

Ugh!

Ow! You little...

Waa! Waa!

Oh, shh!

Oh, mama's big Ladon.
They're only your baby fangs.

You'll get your grown-up
fangs soon enough.

And then you can eat Hercules!

This time, she's really steamed!

Don't worry, son. I have a plan.

Huh?

Oh, good plan, dear!

I was going to make
a lasso out of my belt,

but the lightning thing...
That was good, too.

Thanks. I try.

Father! What are you doing here?

I forwarded your invitation
to Amphitryon and Alcmena.

You did? Why?

Because you ought to be
proud of your mortal parents, son,

and treasure them

as they treasure you because...

Because if you forget
where you came from,

you can't know
where you're going.

Good one! You know, Hercules,

you've got a
marvelous Pop there.

I do know.

I've got the best two dads
a demigod could ask for.

Now, show your
folks a good time.

I have to go teach a
lesson about hubris.

Catch you later!

I hereby announce
the reign of King Adonis!

King Adonis?

Daddums? Mumsie?

You're back!

I was worried sick.

That's for getting
too big for your toga!

You have been a bad boy, Adonis.

Perhaps we should take
away your royal yacht privileges.

And give your servants
a fortnight's vacation.

On the royal yacht.

Ooh!

Vic! Evelyn!

Mom! Dad!

How about a hug, huh?

Please, life's too short.

The horror! The horror!

I love you guys.

Mom, Pop, how would you like
a first-class tour of the academy?

What are we waiting for?

Does your school
always look like this?

Ha! Just since I enrolled!