Hercules (1998–1999): Season 1, Episode 52 - Hercules and the Tiff on Olympus - full transcript
♪ Who put the
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
Hestia, what a marvelous
party you've thrown us.
The goddess of the hearth
has truly outdone herself.
Shh! Bacchus! The soufflé!
The slightest noise
will make it fall.
Oh, I do wish Zeus
would get home.
He said he was only
going out for a quick smite.
Ha ha! I'll bet he's having
hephaestus craft you a jeweled treasure
for your anniversary.
But act surprised.
Men like that.
Ah. Beautiful
smiting today, Big Z.
You know, you've given new meaning
to the term "lightning round." Ha ha!
Whoa! Snazzy shindig!
Say, honey, isn't your
weekly coffee klatch
getting a little extravagant?
Coffee klatch?
Oh.
Ha, ha.
You... do know
what this occasion is?
Occasion?
Ha! Of course I do.
Ehh... is it something special?
The occasion... honey...
is our anniversary.
Ouch.
Ooh-ooh. The
party is heating up.
Just the way I like it.
Anniversary! Yes! Ha!
I knew that.
Did you, now.
Well, naturally. As
lord of the universe,
I know everything. Heh heh.
You, Zeuster, have got
that omniscient shtick down.
Ha. So, uh, what
did you get her?
Uh... get?
Yeah. Uh,
an-anniversary, uh, gift?
Oh. Um, I, uh...
I must've left it at my
other... thing. You know.
In your other... Universe?
Let's blow this joint.
Know what I mean?
No, no, no. Don't leave yet.
No one's even tasted
my Ambrosia soufflé.
It's a good thing.
So let me get this straight.
The all-knowing,
all-powerful king of the gods
cannot remember his
own anniversary. Smooth.
I was busy smiting Smyrna!
I did not forget!!
Ohhh...
Hmm. Marital discord.
Always good for a little...
chuckle. Hmm-hmm.
Ohh! What's keepin' Dad?
I beseeched him
five minutes ago.
Father! I need to see you!
Yes, yes. What is it?
Uh... well... Happy anniversary.
I-I got this for you and Mom.
Oh. Uh... uh, thank you, son.
That's very thoughtful.
Well! Would you look at that.
It's a, uh...
Obviously, it's a...
Large scroll, huh?
Not just any scroll.
It's a scrap scroll
with all the special
occasions in your lives...
The day you and Mom met,
your first date, last year's
wedding anniversary.
I made that page really flashy.
- Why? So I won't forget it?
- Oh...
Well, no. I-I...
I didn't mean...
Oh, look. And there's
Hera's birthday.
Thought I'd forget
that, too, did ya?
No! I-I was just...
I expected better
from you, young man.
But I'm sure your
mother will love it.
That coulda gone better.
What'd you give him, cash?
No. I don't get it. I
thought he'd be impressed.
Kid, you never know what's
gonna please parents. Heh.
And you've gotta impress the
head honcho of the cosmos.
He said he-he
expected better of me.
What do you think
he meant by that?
Who knows? Maybe you're not
becomin' a hero fast enough for him.
Your folks have been holdin'
that spare room for you a long time.
Tell me about it.
Phil, it's time for me
to do something big,
- something that'll make my parents proud.
- Like what?
Like my first
official hero labor,
one sanctioned by the
Heroes' Union Local 839.
Whoa. You sure
you're ready, kid?
Those union labors are tough.
That's why they make you a hero.
Well, that's what I've been
training for, so let's do it.
Uh, if that's what you
want. But let's start small...
Gettin' rid of king
diomedes' man-eating mares.
Sure. No pro... man-eating?
And an official hero labor
calls for a big send-off party...
Man-eating?
So all your friends can say
good-bye, in case you don't make it.
They eat men?
Toothbrush,
mouthwash, razor... Ah.
Mmm.
Old spite, my personal favorite.
Goin' on a vacation,
your combustibleness?
No! I am going to Mt. Olympus,
boys. And it's not a vacation.
It's an errand of mercy.
You see, Zeus and Hera,
sadly, are having a little tiff.
They need comfort and support.
And I'm gonna make
sure they don't get any!
Oh, their lives are
about to be ruined.
And that will leave their darling
little son Hercules very vulnerable.
Zeus, Hera, and
Jerkules... a triple play!
Thank you very much! I'm
not leaving anything to chance.
Or, worse, to you.
I'm bringing in an expert.
Huh? We're bein' replaced?
That is correct, sirs.
I've used you to attack
Hercules from the outside.
This time I'm going to
attack him from the inside.
Could you lose the whistle?
It's really demeaning.
Boys, meet my
newest evil minion...
Neurosis.
I've got a little job for you.
Uh-huh. Yeah, well,
I mean, yeah, sure.
I mean, hey, look. Look at
me. I'm... I'm-I'm flattered.
I-I want to do it, but, hey,
you know, suppose I fail?
I mean, then you'll hate me. Of
course, you know, if I succeed,
you'll just expect even
more of me the next time.
It's, uh... it's
getting dark, isn't it?
I... I don't know.
Maybe it's just me, but...
Breathe. Breathe.
He's a mess!
And he's going to mess
with Hercules' mind.
Hera! Come out of there!
You can't stay in there forever!
I'm not coming out
until you apologize!
For being busy? Forget it!
Zeus. Bro. From god
house to doghouse?
This isn't a good time, Hades.
Hey, I'm sure it isn't.
And that's why I'm here.
What are you talking about?
Hey. You're my brother.
We're blood... If I had any.
It pains me to see you and
Hera like this. I wanna help.
Well, maybe you can
talk some sense into her.
We're supposed to be
at a party for Hercules,
And she won't come out
of her room so I can tell her.
Oh, I should just
forget the party.
I'm not in the mood, anyway.
I'd probably just
ruin it for Hercules.
I've got to work off
some of this anger!
Where are my thunderbolts?
Hera?
Knocky-knocky.
Hades?
What are you doing here?
Ah, I'm just keepin'
you company,
Now that my brother
the brute left you.
Left me?
Where's he going?
Oh, cloud hopping with Bacchus.
Said he couldn't stand being
on the same cirrus with you.
Can you imagine that?
He said that?
Oh, well, I'm sure
he didn't mean it.
I can't believe he said half the
terrible things he said about you.
Wha... what terrible things?
Let's put on some nectar. We'll
talk, OK? You got some decaf?
This is going to be fantastic.
So? Whaddya think,
kid? Great send-off, huh?
Wow! You invited half of Athens.
And half of olympus,
too, includin' your folks.
Heh heh! This
should impress them.
My folks? They're coming here?
Wow. They don't party
with mortals very often.
I don't see 'em anywhere.
They'll be here. Don't worry.
Gods gotta make
an entrance, ya know.
They're not coming.
- Parents. Go figure.
- Who are you?
Well, identity is such
a complicated issue.
I mean, there's the "me" I think I
am, the "me" people see me as,
And no two people see me the
same way, so I'm a multiple personality.
It's huge.
Uh... I just wanted your name.
Neurosis. And you must
be the guest of honor...
Hercules, hero-in-training.
Although you shouldn't be
so sure about the hero part.
Your parents aren't, apparently.
- What do you mean by that?
- Ahh, parents expect us
to make something
of ourselves. I mean,
the pressure can be crippling.
But do they ever really believe in us?
Ohhh... I'm beginning to wonder.
Take you, for instance.
If your folks really thought
you were ready to battle the man-eating
mares, wouldn't they be here for you?
Talk about abandonment issues.
Ladies, gentlemen,
gods, and goddesses...
attention.
You've all been
very patient waiting
for two unfashionably
late gods...
who happen to be omniscient.
But can't remember what
time the party starts. Ha ha.
So, without further ado,
I present a
scrummy little dessert
I whipped up for
this special occasion.
Wow! Look at that!
And now if our guest of
honor would cut the first slice...
Go, Herc! Go,
Herc! Go, Herc! Go!
Another dessert ruined!
You know, I just
make it look easy.
Ooh, bad break.
Oh... and a bad omen,
when you think about it.
What are you getting at now?
Well, come on. If
you can't cut the cake,
how you gonna cut the mustard?
Or the mares, as the
case may be. Oh, boy.
- I mean, just a thought. You know.
- Oh, man.
Zeus, gosh, um,
you must be tired after
all that venting, huh?
You know what? I'll
warm up your sheet, too.
What's the meaning of this?
Hey, hey, I'm just
the messenger, babe.
Hera's orders. So
you apologize, OK?
Here's your little teddybolt.
This is outrageous!
I'm the lord of the universe!
I'm not sleeping on that sofa.
Oh, I should just apologize.
Maybe I was wrong.
Lord of the
universe... Apologize?
Are you kidding? Isn't that kinda
showing a sign of weakness?
Take "omnipotent" off
your business card, babe.
- You're right.
- Tell you what.
Why don't you crash
at my pad, huh?
I know it's a little
gloomy down there,
but you need some, if you'll
pardon the pun, downtime.
You know what I mean?
Leave? That seems
kind of extreme.
Trust me, this'll help.
Hey, and you know what?
I'll stay here and I'll
talk some sense into her.
Well, OK. Thanks,
little brother.
You are being
sincere, aren't you?
This had better not be
one of your evil schemes.
Ouch. You know,
it's that kind of attitude
that gets you in jams like this.
You need, really need, to
work on your people skills. OK?
Uh, you're right.
Sorry, Hades.
Ahh, that's OK.
Hey, takes a lot to make me hot.
Ha ha. And I am just warming up.
Ha ha ha!
So, this is the
Prometheus Academy.
Interesting. Wow.
Hey, get out of my
backpack, would you?
And what do you
mean by "interesting"?
Well, it's just that, come on,
isn't this a school for mortals?
Well, yeah. So?
"So"? Come on, what
do you mean, "so"?
So, if your parents
were really interested
in preparing you for
a future on Olympus,
don't you think they
would have sent you
to a school for gods? Come on.
Oh, I-I never
thought of it like that.
Yeah, well, come on, I mean, I'm
sure there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know, maybe
they're just, uh,
I don't know,
covering their bets.
Bets? Yeah, you know,
maybe they're thinking
that if you fail as a hero,
then at least you're prepared
for life as a common mortal.
You'll be fine. Or,
uh, who knows?
Maybe they secretly
wanted a girl.
But hey, what do I
know? Look at me.
They are disappointed with me.
Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.
Oh. Hades... Good morning.
I wondered where
Zeus slept last night.
He never came to bed.
Oh, actually, he never came
home. That's where I slept. Toast?
What?
He can be such a
big baby sometimes.
When he gets home, we're going
to have a serious talk about this.
He has to know he
cannot take me for granted.
Good. Good for you.
You know, I may be stepping on
your goddess-of-marriage toes here,
But don't you think action
might speak louder than words?
What kind of action?
Maybe to appreciate you
fully, maybe Zeus needs to know
what it's like to
live without you,
like, say, come home
to an empty cloud.
That seems rather extreme.
True. True. But can Zeus
not be a little thick sometimes?
No need to tell me.
Hmm. Perhaps you're right.
I'll just go and stay with
my mother for a few days.
That should get his attention.
Say hi to momsey
for me. Ba-da-bing.
I am smokin'.
Aah!
Wow, this is high up.
Am I getting a nose bleed?
Would you just go away?
I got to tell you, heights
really bother me, man.
One slip, ouch.
Bones can snap like that
and take months to heal.
If they set right.
And if they don't, they're
like calcium time bombs
waiting to snap again.
But, hey, you know,
you're the hero type.
What do you care? Good luck.
Whoa!
Aah!
Aah!
What's with the swan dive, kid?
Oh. I was pushed.
Sure you were. And if
Pegasus was a man-eating mare,
he'd be grazing on
your hide right now.
I was pushed. There's this guy
who keeps poppin' up. He's up...
Hey, where'd he go?
Herc, you got to keep
your wits about you.
You're enterin' the big leagues.
Seein' things is not good.
I'm not seeing
things. I can do this.
You, uh, wanted
to see me, Hades?
Didn't think I'd find you here.
Hangin' for the weekend?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A long weekend, yeah.
My change-of-domain card.
You're moving in with
Zeus and Hera? Kooky.
Well, actually, I'm filling in.
Ah, you might as well know.
Zeus and Hera split.
The cosmic couple?
Booking a gig in divorce court?
Yeah, I'm just sick about
this. Just sick about it.
Hey, but whatcha gonna
do? Can't look back.
Gotta keep the universe runnin'.
So, call a meeting of the gods. Need
to powwow on this pronto, OK, babe?
We need a bigger rope.
How many man-eating
mares are in a herd, exactly?
I don't know.
Come on, what? A dozen?
Hundreds? Thousands?
What's that little
symbol for infinity?
Whichever, you're outnumbered.
Oopsy. I don't like these odds.
I'm outta here, man.
Which will make the
odds worse for you,
but, hey, you're prepared.
Your sandal's untied.
Hey, did you see
another guy out there?
I got a bad feelin' about this.
Poor Zeus and Hera.
If only I had a
recipe for happiness.
Hestia, honey, this is gonna
take more than a bundt cake. OK?
People! We need to pull
together on this one, people.
We need to keep things going
until Zeus and Hera
can spackle their spat.
I would do anything
to help them.
That's the spirit.
You know what?
You could cover the
marriage department for Hera.
Oh, bake a few
wedding cakes, whatever.
And of course, we'll need
someone to fill in for Zeus,
Handle all those
responsibilities,
Carry the weight of the world.
Someone who can take the heat!
Aah! Oh!
Oh, man, am I gonna
have nightmares about this.
Forget about it.
By the way, are your
affairs in order, really?
I mean, any next of
kin I should notify?
I mean, I'll do you a
favor. You're history, baby.
Get lost, would you?
Whoa!
Aah! Aah!
We got to do somethin',
or the kid's horse chow.
Kid, give it up!
You're outmatched!
Call for divine intervention!
Oh, Hera, how did we let
this tiff get so out of hand?
Even the lord of the universe
isn't too big to say he's sorry.
Father, help me! I need you!
Hercules?
He's never beseeched
me with that tone before.
He must be in real trouble.
Where'd I park that cloud?
Cerberus, put down
that cloud, or you'll...
Bad dog!
Oh, now how am I going to
get out of this bachelor pit?
Wait a minute. Ha! That's it.
I'm a god. I can be omnipresent.
Father, please, help!
Please!
I'm comin', son!
Get away from him, ya glue wad!
Snack on somethin' else!
What am I sayin'?
Help! Some god,
help! Zeus! Hera!
Beseeching all gods!
What the... Do you mind?
We're in an emergency
session here. Come on.
We got an emergency
session right here!
Help!
Ooh, when you're hot,
you're hot. Hee hee hee.
Hercules! Son,
are you all right?
I'll be fine.
How come you're here like that?
Long story.
Hercules, you're hurt.
What are you doing out here?
I-I was tryin' to
make you proud.
You've been so
disappointed in me lately.
Whatever gave you that idea?
We're always proud of you.
It was your father I
was disappointed with.
Now, Hera, don't
drag him into this.
Into what?
We've been having
a little tiff, that's all.
Weren't we, honey?
Yes, we were.
I'm sorry I forgot
our anniversary, dear.
I guess I let my
job distract me.
I'm sorry, too.
Sometimes I forget
how busy you are.
So, you weren't mad at me?
I didn't have to do this?
No, dear.
We're sorry we let our spat get
so out of hand it involved you.
Well, to be honest,
It wouldn't have
gotten so out of hand
if you hadn't forced
me to sleep on the sofa.
I did no such thing.
You left me to go cloud
hopping with Bacchus.
I did not!
But Hades said... Hades...
What have you been up to?
Ha ha ha. You know, one day
we'll look back on this and laugh.
And I'll be back that one day.
Let me give you
a lift back home.
Uh, speaking of lifts
back home, sweetie,
Could you zip down to the
underworld and pick me up?
I feel like I've failed
you. I really do.
- I'm sorry. I apologize.
- Put a cork in it. OK?
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
Hestia, what a marvelous
party you've thrown us.
The goddess of the hearth
has truly outdone herself.
Shh! Bacchus! The soufflé!
The slightest noise
will make it fall.
Oh, I do wish Zeus
would get home.
He said he was only
going out for a quick smite.
Ha ha! I'll bet he's having
hephaestus craft you a jeweled treasure
for your anniversary.
But act surprised.
Men like that.
Ah. Beautiful
smiting today, Big Z.
You know, you've given new meaning
to the term "lightning round." Ha ha!
Whoa! Snazzy shindig!
Say, honey, isn't your
weekly coffee klatch
getting a little extravagant?
Coffee klatch?
Oh.
Ha, ha.
You... do know
what this occasion is?
Occasion?
Ha! Of course I do.
Ehh... is it something special?
The occasion... honey...
is our anniversary.
Ouch.
Ooh-ooh. The
party is heating up.
Just the way I like it.
Anniversary! Yes! Ha!
I knew that.
Did you, now.
Well, naturally. As
lord of the universe,
I know everything. Heh heh.
You, Zeuster, have got
that omniscient shtick down.
Ha. So, uh, what
did you get her?
Uh... get?
Yeah. Uh,
an-anniversary, uh, gift?
Oh. Um, I, uh...
I must've left it at my
other... thing. You know.
In your other... Universe?
Let's blow this joint.
Know what I mean?
No, no, no. Don't leave yet.
No one's even tasted
my Ambrosia soufflé.
It's a good thing.
So let me get this straight.
The all-knowing,
all-powerful king of the gods
cannot remember his
own anniversary. Smooth.
I was busy smiting Smyrna!
I did not forget!!
Ohhh...
Hmm. Marital discord.
Always good for a little...
chuckle. Hmm-hmm.
Ohh! What's keepin' Dad?
I beseeched him
five minutes ago.
Father! I need to see you!
Yes, yes. What is it?
Uh... well... Happy anniversary.
I-I got this for you and Mom.
Oh. Uh... uh, thank you, son.
That's very thoughtful.
Well! Would you look at that.
It's a, uh...
Obviously, it's a...
Large scroll, huh?
Not just any scroll.
It's a scrap scroll
with all the special
occasions in your lives...
The day you and Mom met,
your first date, last year's
wedding anniversary.
I made that page really flashy.
- Why? So I won't forget it?
- Oh...
Well, no. I-I...
I didn't mean...
Oh, look. And there's
Hera's birthday.
Thought I'd forget
that, too, did ya?
No! I-I was just...
I expected better
from you, young man.
But I'm sure your
mother will love it.
That coulda gone better.
What'd you give him, cash?
No. I don't get it. I
thought he'd be impressed.
Kid, you never know what's
gonna please parents. Heh.
And you've gotta impress the
head honcho of the cosmos.
He said he-he
expected better of me.
What do you think
he meant by that?
Who knows? Maybe you're not
becomin' a hero fast enough for him.
Your folks have been holdin'
that spare room for you a long time.
Tell me about it.
Phil, it's time for me
to do something big,
- something that'll make my parents proud.
- Like what?
Like my first
official hero labor,
one sanctioned by the
Heroes' Union Local 839.
Whoa. You sure
you're ready, kid?
Those union labors are tough.
That's why they make you a hero.
Well, that's what I've been
training for, so let's do it.
Uh, if that's what you
want. But let's start small...
Gettin' rid of king
diomedes' man-eating mares.
Sure. No pro... man-eating?
And an official hero labor
calls for a big send-off party...
Man-eating?
So all your friends can say
good-bye, in case you don't make it.
They eat men?
Toothbrush,
mouthwash, razor... Ah.
Mmm.
Old spite, my personal favorite.
Goin' on a vacation,
your combustibleness?
No! I am going to Mt. Olympus,
boys. And it's not a vacation.
It's an errand of mercy.
You see, Zeus and Hera,
sadly, are having a little tiff.
They need comfort and support.
And I'm gonna make
sure they don't get any!
Oh, their lives are
about to be ruined.
And that will leave their darling
little son Hercules very vulnerable.
Zeus, Hera, and
Jerkules... a triple play!
Thank you very much! I'm
not leaving anything to chance.
Or, worse, to you.
I'm bringing in an expert.
Huh? We're bein' replaced?
That is correct, sirs.
I've used you to attack
Hercules from the outside.
This time I'm going to
attack him from the inside.
Could you lose the whistle?
It's really demeaning.
Boys, meet my
newest evil minion...
Neurosis.
I've got a little job for you.
Uh-huh. Yeah, well,
I mean, yeah, sure.
I mean, hey, look. Look at
me. I'm... I'm-I'm flattered.
I-I want to do it, but, hey,
you know, suppose I fail?
I mean, then you'll hate me. Of
course, you know, if I succeed,
you'll just expect even
more of me the next time.
It's, uh... it's
getting dark, isn't it?
I... I don't know.
Maybe it's just me, but...
Breathe. Breathe.
He's a mess!
And he's going to mess
with Hercules' mind.
Hera! Come out of there!
You can't stay in there forever!
I'm not coming out
until you apologize!
For being busy? Forget it!
Zeus. Bro. From god
house to doghouse?
This isn't a good time, Hades.
Hey, I'm sure it isn't.
And that's why I'm here.
What are you talking about?
Hey. You're my brother.
We're blood... If I had any.
It pains me to see you and
Hera like this. I wanna help.
Well, maybe you can
talk some sense into her.
We're supposed to be
at a party for Hercules,
And she won't come out
of her room so I can tell her.
Oh, I should just
forget the party.
I'm not in the mood, anyway.
I'd probably just
ruin it for Hercules.
I've got to work off
some of this anger!
Where are my thunderbolts?
Hera?
Knocky-knocky.
Hades?
What are you doing here?
Ah, I'm just keepin'
you company,
Now that my brother
the brute left you.
Left me?
Where's he going?
Oh, cloud hopping with Bacchus.
Said he couldn't stand being
on the same cirrus with you.
Can you imagine that?
He said that?
Oh, well, I'm sure
he didn't mean it.
I can't believe he said half the
terrible things he said about you.
Wha... what terrible things?
Let's put on some nectar. We'll
talk, OK? You got some decaf?
This is going to be fantastic.
So? Whaddya think,
kid? Great send-off, huh?
Wow! You invited half of Athens.
And half of olympus,
too, includin' your folks.
Heh heh! This
should impress them.
My folks? They're coming here?
Wow. They don't party
with mortals very often.
I don't see 'em anywhere.
They'll be here. Don't worry.
Gods gotta make
an entrance, ya know.
They're not coming.
- Parents. Go figure.
- Who are you?
Well, identity is such
a complicated issue.
I mean, there's the "me" I think I
am, the "me" people see me as,
And no two people see me the
same way, so I'm a multiple personality.
It's huge.
Uh... I just wanted your name.
Neurosis. And you must
be the guest of honor...
Hercules, hero-in-training.
Although you shouldn't be
so sure about the hero part.
Your parents aren't, apparently.
- What do you mean by that?
- Ahh, parents expect us
to make something
of ourselves. I mean,
the pressure can be crippling.
But do they ever really believe in us?
Ohhh... I'm beginning to wonder.
Take you, for instance.
If your folks really thought
you were ready to battle the man-eating
mares, wouldn't they be here for you?
Talk about abandonment issues.
Ladies, gentlemen,
gods, and goddesses...
attention.
You've all been
very patient waiting
for two unfashionably
late gods...
who happen to be omniscient.
But can't remember what
time the party starts. Ha ha.
So, without further ado,
I present a
scrummy little dessert
I whipped up for
this special occasion.
Wow! Look at that!
And now if our guest of
honor would cut the first slice...
Go, Herc! Go,
Herc! Go, Herc! Go!
Another dessert ruined!
You know, I just
make it look easy.
Ooh, bad break.
Oh... and a bad omen,
when you think about it.
What are you getting at now?
Well, come on. If
you can't cut the cake,
how you gonna cut the mustard?
Or the mares, as the
case may be. Oh, boy.
- I mean, just a thought. You know.
- Oh, man.
Zeus, gosh, um,
you must be tired after
all that venting, huh?
You know what? I'll
warm up your sheet, too.
What's the meaning of this?
Hey, hey, I'm just
the messenger, babe.
Hera's orders. So
you apologize, OK?
Here's your little teddybolt.
This is outrageous!
I'm the lord of the universe!
I'm not sleeping on that sofa.
Oh, I should just apologize.
Maybe I was wrong.
Lord of the
universe... Apologize?
Are you kidding? Isn't that kinda
showing a sign of weakness?
Take "omnipotent" off
your business card, babe.
- You're right.
- Tell you what.
Why don't you crash
at my pad, huh?
I know it's a little
gloomy down there,
but you need some, if you'll
pardon the pun, downtime.
You know what I mean?
Leave? That seems
kind of extreme.
Trust me, this'll help.
Hey, and you know what?
I'll stay here and I'll
talk some sense into her.
Well, OK. Thanks,
little brother.
You are being
sincere, aren't you?
This had better not be
one of your evil schemes.
Ouch. You know,
it's that kind of attitude
that gets you in jams like this.
You need, really need, to
work on your people skills. OK?
Uh, you're right.
Sorry, Hades.
Ahh, that's OK.
Hey, takes a lot to make me hot.
Ha ha. And I am just warming up.
Ha ha ha!
So, this is the
Prometheus Academy.
Interesting. Wow.
Hey, get out of my
backpack, would you?
And what do you
mean by "interesting"?
Well, it's just that, come on,
isn't this a school for mortals?
Well, yeah. So?
"So"? Come on, what
do you mean, "so"?
So, if your parents
were really interested
in preparing you for
a future on Olympus,
don't you think they
would have sent you
to a school for gods? Come on.
Oh, I-I never
thought of it like that.
Yeah, well, come on, I mean, I'm
sure there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know, maybe
they're just, uh,
I don't know,
covering their bets.
Bets? Yeah, you know,
maybe they're thinking
that if you fail as a hero,
then at least you're prepared
for life as a common mortal.
You'll be fine. Or,
uh, who knows?
Maybe they secretly
wanted a girl.
But hey, what do I
know? Look at me.
They are disappointed with me.
Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.
Oh. Hades... Good morning.
I wondered where
Zeus slept last night.
He never came to bed.
Oh, actually, he never came
home. That's where I slept. Toast?
What?
He can be such a
big baby sometimes.
When he gets home, we're going
to have a serious talk about this.
He has to know he
cannot take me for granted.
Good. Good for you.
You know, I may be stepping on
your goddess-of-marriage toes here,
But don't you think action
might speak louder than words?
What kind of action?
Maybe to appreciate you
fully, maybe Zeus needs to know
what it's like to
live without you,
like, say, come home
to an empty cloud.
That seems rather extreme.
True. True. But can Zeus
not be a little thick sometimes?
No need to tell me.
Hmm. Perhaps you're right.
I'll just go and stay with
my mother for a few days.
That should get his attention.
Say hi to momsey
for me. Ba-da-bing.
I am smokin'.
Aah!
Wow, this is high up.
Am I getting a nose bleed?
Would you just go away?
I got to tell you, heights
really bother me, man.
One slip, ouch.
Bones can snap like that
and take months to heal.
If they set right.
And if they don't, they're
like calcium time bombs
waiting to snap again.
But, hey, you know,
you're the hero type.
What do you care? Good luck.
Whoa!
Aah!
Aah!
What's with the swan dive, kid?
Oh. I was pushed.
Sure you were. And if
Pegasus was a man-eating mare,
he'd be grazing on
your hide right now.
I was pushed. There's this guy
who keeps poppin' up. He's up...
Hey, where'd he go?
Herc, you got to keep
your wits about you.
You're enterin' the big leagues.
Seein' things is not good.
I'm not seeing
things. I can do this.
You, uh, wanted
to see me, Hades?
Didn't think I'd find you here.
Hangin' for the weekend?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A long weekend, yeah.
My change-of-domain card.
You're moving in with
Zeus and Hera? Kooky.
Well, actually, I'm filling in.
Ah, you might as well know.
Zeus and Hera split.
The cosmic couple?
Booking a gig in divorce court?
Yeah, I'm just sick about
this. Just sick about it.
Hey, but whatcha gonna
do? Can't look back.
Gotta keep the universe runnin'.
So, call a meeting of the gods. Need
to powwow on this pronto, OK, babe?
We need a bigger rope.
How many man-eating
mares are in a herd, exactly?
I don't know.
Come on, what? A dozen?
Hundreds? Thousands?
What's that little
symbol for infinity?
Whichever, you're outnumbered.
Oopsy. I don't like these odds.
I'm outta here, man.
Which will make the
odds worse for you,
but, hey, you're prepared.
Your sandal's untied.
Hey, did you see
another guy out there?
I got a bad feelin' about this.
Poor Zeus and Hera.
If only I had a
recipe for happiness.
Hestia, honey, this is gonna
take more than a bundt cake. OK?
People! We need to pull
together on this one, people.
We need to keep things going
until Zeus and Hera
can spackle their spat.
I would do anything
to help them.
That's the spirit.
You know what?
You could cover the
marriage department for Hera.
Oh, bake a few
wedding cakes, whatever.
And of course, we'll need
someone to fill in for Zeus,
Handle all those
responsibilities,
Carry the weight of the world.
Someone who can take the heat!
Aah! Oh!
Oh, man, am I gonna
have nightmares about this.
Forget about it.
By the way, are your
affairs in order, really?
I mean, any next of
kin I should notify?
I mean, I'll do you a
favor. You're history, baby.
Get lost, would you?
Whoa!
Aah! Aah!
We got to do somethin',
or the kid's horse chow.
Kid, give it up!
You're outmatched!
Call for divine intervention!
Oh, Hera, how did we let
this tiff get so out of hand?
Even the lord of the universe
isn't too big to say he's sorry.
Father, help me! I need you!
Hercules?
He's never beseeched
me with that tone before.
He must be in real trouble.
Where'd I park that cloud?
Cerberus, put down
that cloud, or you'll...
Bad dog!
Oh, now how am I going to
get out of this bachelor pit?
Wait a minute. Ha! That's it.
I'm a god. I can be omnipresent.
Father, please, help!
Please!
I'm comin', son!
Get away from him, ya glue wad!
Snack on somethin' else!
What am I sayin'?
Help! Some god,
help! Zeus! Hera!
Beseeching all gods!
What the... Do you mind?
We're in an emergency
session here. Come on.
We got an emergency
session right here!
Help!
Ooh, when you're hot,
you're hot. Hee hee hee.
Hercules! Son,
are you all right?
I'll be fine.
How come you're here like that?
Long story.
Hercules, you're hurt.
What are you doing out here?
I-I was tryin' to
make you proud.
You've been so
disappointed in me lately.
Whatever gave you that idea?
We're always proud of you.
It was your father I
was disappointed with.
Now, Hera, don't
drag him into this.
Into what?
We've been having
a little tiff, that's all.
Weren't we, honey?
Yes, we were.
I'm sorry I forgot
our anniversary, dear.
I guess I let my
job distract me.
I'm sorry, too.
Sometimes I forget
how busy you are.
So, you weren't mad at me?
I didn't have to do this?
No, dear.
We're sorry we let our spat get
so out of hand it involved you.
Well, to be honest,
It wouldn't have
gotten so out of hand
if you hadn't forced
me to sleep on the sofa.
I did no such thing.
You left me to go cloud
hopping with Bacchus.
I did not!
But Hades said... Hades...
What have you been up to?
Ha ha ha. You know, one day
we'll look back on this and laugh.
And I'll be back that one day.
Let me give you
a lift back home.
Uh, speaking of lifts
back home, sweetie,
Could you zip down to the
underworld and pick me up?
I feel like I've failed
you. I really do.
- I'm sorry. I apologize.
- Put a cork in it. OK?