Hercules (1998–1999): Season 1, Episode 34 - Hercules and the Twilight of the Gods - full transcript

♪ Who put the
"glad" in Gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold? ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet? ♪

♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪

- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪



- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Sun is shinin' ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪

♪ He's our hero ♪

♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪



♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see!

Fee, fi, fo, fum.

Hero rule nine...
Giants are... Dumb!

That's why you use the
"too-tall triad" against them.

Fake, rattle... Pbht! And roll!

That's fake,
battle, and roll, kid.

Giants are too
dumb to get rattled.

I'm not so great at giants.

Can we just skip this part, huh?

Sorry, kid, no
shortcuts to greatness.

Wow. That is some
fabulous, fabulous work.

I mean, what a
presence you've got.

Hercules, you're my man.

Did I pronounce that right?
I'm such a huge fan of yours.

I can't even tell you to have
this kind of face-to-face with you...

Listen, can we talk, or
do you have an agent?

Uh, yeah, well...

Hey, hotshot, this
is a closed practice.

You are one lucky little
goat man, you know that?

I mean, your boy is so money,
and he doesn't even know it, brother.

You think so?

Who are you, and
what's with that get-up?

This is my card.

"Loki... trickster god
of the Norse Pantheon."

Hmph. Barbarian, huh?

Yeah, that's interesting.

The goat man just
called me a barbarian.

Anyway, look, There is a
major, major buzz about Hercules.

You know what I mean?
And from what I just saw,

I think you're ready for
the big show... truth, truth.

Uh, what show?

Asgard... The realm
of the Norse Gods!

We're looking to fill a new
position... Thunder God...

Cranking out storms, deciding battle
frenzies. You know that sort of thing.

Fun stuff. Are you interested?

Me? A God?

Ha-ha! I'm there!

Whoa, slow down, Goldilocks.

He's training to
be a Greek hero.

Oh, right, right. Let's see...

"Reaching for the brass ring to
join mom and pop on Olympus."

Yeah, but how do you know that?

Look, I do my research.

Anyway, let's cut to
the chase here, OK?

Now, the plain truth is I want
to be in the Hercules business.

But you gotta help, Herc. I
mean, you want Olympus, right?

Well, that's
doable, very doable.

But at the end of the day,
you're gonna need some credits.

Credits?

You know, actual God gigs.

I mean, this hero training,
that's such a slow track.

But we make you a
God now... pow, baby!

We're talking
a-list! You got juice!

Olympus, they come
calling for you, capiche?

Uh, capiche.

Kid, kid, no
shortcuts, remember?

Phil, Phil, my goat man.

Have you ever heard
of the Valkyries?

See, the valkyries are,
like, a group of ladies.

Really?

You know, very
friendly. You know.

That kind of thing.

- No kidding.
- Yes. Yes.

Kid, let's go for it!

But you said no shortcuts.

I know, I know, but think
about it. Valkyries! Valhalla!

Yeah, hey, that's supposed
to be a state-of-the-art facility.

Valhalla?

Oh, they say it's
a beautiful palace.

Across the rainbow bridge of
Bifrost to the plane of Asgard.

There rises Valhalla, Hall of
Odin, king of the Norse Gods.

Valhalla. Okay. Okay, Mr. Loki.

We'll go take a look.
What can it hurt?

Behold Valhalla!

That... that's it?

It's a dump!

Goatie, you wouldn't know class

if it came up and
bit you on the tail.

This is retro, baby.

Pass the salt, then.

Hey, hey, get your beard outta
my cheese, there, would ya?

Hey, hey, hold
it! Close the door!

I'm freezing in here.

Where were you
born, in a barn, there?

Silence, pathetic
mortals. Where's Odin?

Uh, gee, sorry, Loki.
Didn't see you there.

Yah, boy, we totally worship ya.

Wonderful, wonderful.
Where is Odin?

Uh, Odin's out talking to Mimir.

You know, that-that disembodied
head, there, in-in the well of wisdom?

He's talking to the head
again. That's really great, great.

Now this is Hercules.

Now please, take care of
him, boys. He's with daddy.

Okay, I'm gonna be right back
with Odin, Herc. Stay who you are.

Uh, whatever you say, Loki.

Yah, pull up a stump.

I'm Jorgen Svensen and
that there's Sven Jorgensen.

Okay, so, uh, have a chop, then.

Yeah, yeah. Eat up, kid.

I'm gonna see if I can find
me some of them Valkyries.

You're... You aren't
from around here, are ya?

Mnh-mnh. Greece.

Yah, I can tell by that flimsy
dress you're wearing there.

Yeah, don't ya... don't ya
get just a tidge drafty in there?

Ahh.

You missed a spot, Brunhilda.

Ho-ho! What have we here?

The sacred Mead of Poetry.

He who drinks of it
shall speak only in verse.

Ahh!

Say, that mead is quite delish.

And you, my dear, what a dish!

Mm! Mmm!

This is really, really
good. What is it?

That would be your reindeer.

So, uh, this Valhalla

must be an interesting
place to live, huh?

Wouldn't know, seein'
as how we're dead.

You're dead? As
in... as in dead?

Oh, yeah. Deader than
doornails. Dead, dead, dead.

This is Valhalla... The
hall of slain heroes.

Odin, The Allfather, he likes to hang
out with dead guys, don't ya know?

Dead guys? Eww!

Okay, so you're
not dead then, eh?

No. I'm gonna be Thunder God.

You were gonna scratch my head.

What? Was it something I said?

So, uh, you're gonna
be Thunder God, uh-huh?

Who says, then?

Um, this guy named Loki.

Yah, but everybody
knows Odin's boy,

he's gonna be the Thunder God.

I now return from
the well of wisdom.

Spoke with Mimir.

He's still very wise.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure about that.
Anyway, I have a brainstorm.

Got some nice cod, too. Hungry?

No. Anyway...

Hey, Odin, check out
this new kid, would ya?

He's not even dead.

Yah. And he says he's
gonna be the Thunder God.

That so? Hmm.

I was getting to that.

Oh, hi, sir. I, Odin.

I don't want to cause
any trouble, so...

Trouble.

No, you're perfect for
this part. Relax, baby.

Loki, I have someone in mind
for Thunder God, you know that.

Yeah, right. You're gonna cast your
own son. Can we say favoritism here?

We all know, we need the best
possible Thunder God to stop Ragnarok.

What's Ragnarok?

Oh, it's your basic

end-of-the-world,
day-of-doom type of deal.

I'm on it. Don't worry.

Now surely the oh-so-wise Odin
will consider other candidates,

for he is a fair God, you
know, an equal-opportunity god.

All right, Loki. If it's
the fair thing to do.

Okay, now meet Hercules,
Greek hero in training.

Give him your resume, champ.

Hmm, Greek. Hermod.

Yeah, sure, you betcha.

Translate this, please.

Okay, let's see, then...
"Hercules demigod..."

Greek Gods and Norse
Gods are two of a pair.

He looks just like Hermes,
with more facial hair.

Hey, why are you
talking like that?

I drank some mead,
and now I can't stop

talking verses and poems
and all of that glop! Aah!

Don't get much call for lion
taming up here... wrong climate.

How are you against giants, son?

Oh, giants. Well...

Oh, let's just make
this easy. An audition...

My boy against your
boy. One-on one.

The winner gets his
name in northern lights.

The son of Odin against him?

So be it.

Hercules shall compete
for the job of Thunder God

against he of the sinewy
calves, wielder of the iron gloves,

wearer of the magic girdle...

Behold my boy Thor.

Ah-ha-ha!

Who dares challenge Thor?

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Ah-ha-ha!

That's a little loud, son.

Anyway, to the victor goes
the mighty hammer... Mjollnir.

May the godliest hero win.

Oh, and no divine intervention.

Loki, no funny business.

I'm just here for the
reaction shot, chief.

You are puny. Are you a troll?

I'm a hero in training!

No, kid! Rushing in
will be your ruination!

Stop! Take your
time! Assess the...

Situation.

Okay, so you have magic gloves,

but no way are you
as strong as I am.

Okay, so you're stronger.

In Asgard, we show no
mercy to our enemies.

Prepare to go to Valhalla,
the hall of slain heroes!

- Yaah!
- Huh?

Aah!

Whoa!

Well, I'll be.

Your boy knocked Thor senseless.

Huh? I did? I, uh,
huh, guess I did.

Ha-ha, kid! Great!
You really hit a groove.

But I didn't teach you
that flying-kick move.

I know. It just
sort of happened.

Well, who'd have thought?

If I didn't know better,

I'd think some trickster
pulled a fast one.

But, since all the Gods
promised not to interfere,

that's impossible.

That's an excellent
point. That's true.

So, looks like you're our
Thunder God, Hercules.

Here's Mjollnir...
Your mighty hammer...

Your magic belt,
and your iron gloves.

Awesome!

No!

Please, Thor, indoor voice.

But, father, all
my life I've trained

to wield the mighty hammer
Mjollnir as Thunder God!

Fair's fair. Keys.

Well, not the chariot!
I customized it!

Beautifully, son,
but the Thunder God

has to have something to
drive his thunder around in.

Even the goats?

Goats?

Oh, I almost forgot. Divinity.

There. You're a God. Good luck.

Ha! Look! Phil! I'm a God!

Herc, kid, to you I implore.

Can you make it so's I
don't rhyme no more?

Gladly, Philoctetes.

Ah. Thanks, kid.

Look, um, I got a funny feeling
about this whole God thing.

Come on, Phil. I'm a God.

What can go wrong?

Oh, uh, no hard
feelings, right, Thor?

You will rue the day

you met Loki, the
trickster God of Ragnarok!

Uh! What is up with this Ragnarok
people keep talking about?

The twilight of the Gods!

The downfall of Asgard,

long foretold by the
weavers of fate, The Norns!

Hey, don't worry
about Thor, my man.

- He's B-list now.
- Oh, okay.

Uh, well, thanks
for everything, Loki.

I, uh... whoa!

Bye-bye.

Have a great first day
as a God... First and last.

Man, I'm telling you,

this project is gonna be
huge, baby... just huge!

I mean, Hercules
attached to Ragnarok.

I mean, have you ever seen
a kid so not ready for the bigs?

It is comeback time for you,
Fenris, my little snowball baby.

So, what's on your list of
epic, mythic, godly duties?

Provide sunshine

for Greenland girl's
school may day celebration.

Greenland? Hmph.

Well, at least it sounds warm.

Brr! Brother, if
this is Greenland,

I wonder what Iceland is like.

Why do we call
this Iceland anyway?

Well, it keeps the tourists
away, baby. Top you off.

It can't be as
miserable as this!

You're in charge of the
weather, Thunder God!

Change it!

Oh, uh, right. I guess I
better use the hammer.

Whoa!

It's kind of tough to handle!

- Oww! Ow! Ow! Ow! That's hail!
- Whoops.

No! No more hammer!

May I suggest, O
mighty Hercules,

that we get out of
your mighty downpour?

Hey, there's a cave up there.

Huh. It looks just like the
cave of the fates back home.

Hey, that's Atropos.

Those are the fates.

Shh! We are not the fates.

You are, too.

Hey, you're double dipping...

Working two mythologies at once!

No. No. No.

Uh, we are the Norns,
Norse weavers of fate.

Oh, yah, sure. You bet.

Now, if you'll excuse
me, we're in a hurry.

W-Where you going?

Iceland.

It's beautiful
this time of year.

There's nothing for us here now,

or won't be, thanks to you.

Me? Why?

Ragnarok has come.

The Twilight of the Gods?

Loki said not to
worry about that.

Well, he would.

Loki is the traitor

who brings about the
final destruction of Asgard.

What? But he seemed
like such a nice guy.

Why do you think he's called
the Trickster God, you big dummy.

Oh. Ohh!

Even now, Loki begins to
release the giant wolf Fenris,

whose liberation from
the ice caves of Niffleheim

wakes the giants and signals
the coming of Ragnarok.

Ragnarok, Niffleheim, Fenris...

Anybody got a
Norse-to-Greek dictionary?

Only when Thor wields the mighty
hammer will Loki be defeated.

Fear not, for I am
your Thunder God.

I shall wield the
hammer and save Asgard!

Whoops!

Yeah, that's nice.

Come on, sister Fates.

Ha ha! I mean, Norns.

I'm tellin' ya, they're
double dipping!

There it is!

Hey, my goats!

Let 'em go!

We gotta stop Loki!

Soon, my little pet,
you shall be free.

Odin will fall, and I, Loki,

shall have exclusivity as
king of the Norse Gods!

Can you feel it, baby?
Daddy's coming home!

Not so fast, trickster!

The Norns told me
of your treachery.

I, the mighty Hercules,
shall put a stop to, uh...

Ragnarok?

Right. Ragnarok.

No!

Thank you, O Thunder God,
for comfort in my time of need.

Oops.

I mean, oops.

I'm not afraid of
your big, bad wolf.

I'm a God.

Still not reading the runes
on the wall, are you, Hercy?

You see, you taking Thor's job

as part of my whole
vision, brother.

Without Thor,
Ragnarok's a done deal.

But... but I defeated
Thor in combat!

Yeah, with a little help from
your friend the Trickster God.

I'm the one who
defeated Thor, brother.

As I shall defeat you, Loki!

Okay! I guess it's up to me.

Giants, awake!

It's time to Ragnarok 'n' roll!

It's showtime!

Ragnarok! Ragnarok!

I love the enthusiasm,
guys, but Valhalla is that way.

Ragnarok! Ragnarok!

Oh, Loki's right.

I wasn't ready to be a God.

- The hammer!
- Huh?

Mjollnir will return to the
hand of the Thunder God.

You need only will it to do so.

Oh. Cool.

Mjollnir, here, boy!

Oops!

Oops!

Oh, hey, oh, boy.
Here comes Loki.

That's Fenris and those
are the giants, there.

Ragnarok! To arms!

Let's see...

"When Ragnarok comes, the
wolf Fenris shall swallow the sun."

Who writes this
stuff, huh? I love it.

Fenris has swallowed the sun.

Ugh! This is a total disaster!

Thor, maybe you should
be the Thunder God.

Impossible!

Unless you were to
give up your godhood.

If it'll save Asgard, it's
the only heroic thing to do.

I, Hercules, hereby surrender
my godly powers to Thor.

Come to your master,
mighty hammer!

Fenris, let's ice this deal.

Oh, that's a might nippy, there.

Yah. Yah, it's nippy.

Traitorous trickster!

Thor?

Tsk-tsk... labels, labels.

You think the good
guys are winning?

Oh, yeah. I mean, with Thor
in there, how can they lose?

Now what?

How should I
know? I'm not a God.

But you are a hero, right?

I mean, that's what
your resume said.

Yeah, but that's all I am...
Just a hero in training.

I mean, I can't stop Ragnarok.

Well, that's how
Loki figured it.

Me, I guess I don't
see it that way.

Really?

Of course, the most important
question is how do you see it?

Okay, I'm happy to
provide everybody

with a new organizational chart

that will reflect the
new power structure.

There's me, and then
there's everybody else.

Sorry, hotshot. No can do.

I'm afraid we've got
creative differences, here.

Don't you think, Herc?

Please, you are so
out of your league.

I know, I know, it's the
Thunder God's hammer.

But, baby, consider
me a stand-in!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoo!

Boffo, kid! You did it!

Whoops.

You know, we're
kind of using that sun.

Giants. It had to be giants.

Shake, battle, and roll, kid!

I don't think so.

Different kind of giant...

Different kind of weapon.

Yaah!

Well, now, Loki, the trickster,

vanquished by some southern kid.

Yah that's not too
bad a deal, there.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. There
was a whole kind of prophecy deal

that, like, sort
of, was destined,

and now that's just forgotten,
is that what's happening?

Yeah, right.

The Norns said Thor
had to wield the hammer.

Thor did wield the hammer,

but the prophecy never said
he had to hit anything with it.

Turns out that was
a job for Hercules.

And, thanks to Loki, the
kid was here to play his part.

Yeah, well, happy to help.

So, uh, how about a ride home?

Why don't you stay? Join us!

Uh, well, no offense,

but I think I'd rather
go back to Greece.

Why? What does Greece
have that Asgard doesn't?

Two words...
Mediterranean climate.