Hercules (1998–1999): Season 1, Episode 13 - Hercules and the Return of Typhon - full transcript
♪ Who put the
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
Join us as we
visit ancient Greece
on the cusp of that
most magical time...
The three-day weekend.
Yes, it is everyone's
favorite holiday.
Titan Smitin' Day.
Give yourself a rest, Bob.
Everybody gets
Titan Smitin' day off,
Even you.
You're right. It's in my
narrators' union contract.
I should be spending some quality
time with my disembodied family.
So move your disembodied butt.
We're gonna be
late for the festival.
Ho! Yes, sir!
My favorite day of
the year is finally here.
Oh! Do you have any idea
how long I've
been waiting for it?
A year?
Yes! And that is way too
long for an annual event.
Oh, speaking of long waits...
Which ride should we
get in line for first, huh?
The Zeus Spinner?
- Ooh! Ooh! No, wait!
- Hey.
The Zeus Coaster!
There! No, no! That one!
The Tilt-A-Zeus! Oh!
That is my favorite. Ooh!
Where else can you be
yanked in all different directions,
Spun in circles until you're
dizzy and nauseous, huh?
Oh, I'm dizzy. Ahh.
I've got nausea covered.
And then the big bad
Typhon showed up.
Grrrrrrrr.
- Boo! Boo!
- Hiss!
Boo!
Ooh. That rotten Typhon
had to be stopped.
Play your cards right, Hercules.
And someday little puppets
will act out your exploits.
Wow, you think so?
Cynicism is wasted on you.
Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shush!
My favorite part is coming up.
What time is it, kids?
It's Titan Smitin' time!
That's right!
Here comes the mighty Zeus.
Yay! Whoo! Whoo!
Oh, stinkin' Typhon!
Aah! Aah! You want
some of me?! Ooh!
- Here, take this!
- Get your mt. Etna hats!
Mt. Etna!
Where Zeus buried Typhon.
The perfect hat to
honor the perfect god.
You know,
Hercules... Yeah, yeah.
Someday the sight of
my most famous battle
could be
commemorated with a hat.
Well, you've captured
my snippiness,
but actually, I was gonna say
- that you've got some big sandals to fill.
- What do you mean?
Most people who go
into the family business
don't have to follow
an act like Zeus.
Zeus rules!
Yeah. And when I grow up,
I want to be just like Zeus.
You can't be just like Zeus.
Nobody's as good as Zeus.
Oh! Can you believe it?
Somebody called
security... Ratted me out.
Sorry, Icarus, I had no choice.
Puppet assault is no joke.
An example had to be made.
Oh, yours is a tough love.
Hey! The Argonauts
of the Aegean ride!
Come, my sweet, let us
set sail with the wildest crew
that ever sought a
secret shag. Yarr.
Wait. Is this that underground
boat ride in the dark?
Really dark.
Give you any ideas?
Yeah. Nobody will see me
push you overboard. Let's go.
I'll see you guys later.
Come on, Pegasus.
Come on, Tiffany, Chad,
all aboard for the Aegean.
Oh, Bob, I'm so glad you
got the day off from narrating.
Hey, hey, hey! Take
a shot at Typhon.
Three bolts for a drachma.
Hey, kid, give it a shot, baby.
Maybe you got a little
bit of Zeus in you, huh?
Maybe I do.
That-a-boy! Take your best shot.
Yessir! Try to be like Zeus.
Ooh! Too bad, you were
so close, so close, so close.
Zeus never missed.
Ooh! That was close.
OK, one last chance, kid.
You gotta concentrate a new way.
Be the bolt.
You gotta...
Ahh! Hercster.
- Aah!
- Been looking all over for you.
Oh, just missed.
Ooh, tough luck.
Story of my life.
Well, here's some good news.
- You are invited to cloud 33.
- Really?
Saddle up, Herc babe, let's fly.
Nectar and water.
Nectar on the rocks.
Nectar flambé.
Wish me luck, Pegasus.
I'm sorry, sir, this
is a private cloud.
Gods only.
Uh, I... I'm... I'm a demigod.
Get back, cat. Hercules
is with the Zeus party.
Yes. Look under "Z."
Oh, well, please enjoy
yourself, young sir.
I just don't see why it
has to be today of all days.
Because it is the perfect
opportunity to tell Hercules.
Tell me what?
Uh, nothing.
Then why did you send for me?
I sent for you, Hercules.
Because I thought your father
had something important to tell you.
Um, well, uh...
Oh! Father, before
I forget, here.
Hmm.
"With a dad like
you, I cannot lose."
You're right up there
with the mighty Zeus.
Happy Titan Smitin' Day.
"From your loving
son," scroll mark.
Well, actually, you're more
than right up there with Zeus,
since you are Zeus.
But you get the idea.
Aw, son! Ha!
So, what did Mother
think you would tell me
that you decided not to tell me?
Well, I... I get a lot of
attention on this holiday
because of the Typhon
battle and I, well,
I decided that this year,
you should throw
in the first bolt.
Me? In front of everybody?
You mean it?
Of course. You're my son.
You should get
your chance to shine.
Oh, thank you, Father!
Mm. Let's rock
'n' roll, Hercunator.
You're on in five.
Don't look at me that way.
I couldn't disappoint the boy.
I know.
But he is our son.
He deserves to know the truth.
Morpheus, hit the lights, babe!
Ladies and gentlemen,
cats and chicks,
that crazy, cuckoo
day is upon us
and that day is...
Titan Smitin' Day!
Ha ha ha. Dig it.
♪ When Athens was
barely A dot on the map ♪
♪ On the edge
of a new frontier ♪
♪ Destiny called on
a dapper young cat ♪
♪ With a battle that
made his career ♪
♪ He was buff, he was tough ♪
♪ He was armed to the teeth ♪
♪ Bent on fearlessly
frying his foes ♪
♪ Packing plenty of punch
In his thunderbolt sheath ♪
♪ Yeah, that's how
the story goes ♪
♪ Mmm... ♪
♪ A terrible Titan
Stepped onto the scene ♪
♪ Trying to carve out
a niche of his own ♪
♪ His brutal attackin'
Sent everyone packin' ♪
♪ And Zeus had
to face him alone ♪
♪ Smelled like
Limburger cheese ♪
♪ He was covered with fleas ♪
♪ From his rattlesnake
knees to his nose ♪
♪ He could topple Olympus
With one little sneeze ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ That's how the story goes ♪
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Now Zeus didn't worry
He let loose a flurry ♪
♪ That left Typhon
buried and crushed ♪
♪ And so it was written
That Typhon was smitten ♪
♪ He'd finally bitten
the dust, ha ha ♪
♪ That beast had been
blown By one god on his own ♪
♪ While striking
this masterful pose ♪
♪ And the legend was born
On that fateful morn, yeah ♪
♪ That's how the story goes ♪
♪ Yes, that's how
the story goes ♪
Ha ha!
♪ Hush, little laden,
Don't you frown ♪
♪ Those who woke
you are going down ♪
♪ I'm sick of
Titan Smitin' Day ♪
♪ Now it's time to make
Those Grecians pay ♪
Every year I have to listen to that
rabble celebrate your daddy's defeat.
Daddy? Who... who that?
Oh, his name was
Typhon, sweetie.
He was the most fearsome
monster there ever was.
Until that nasty old
Zeus buried him.
If I could just
get you a sitter,
I'd go shut that party
down personally.
Dateline. Titan Smitin' Day.
Byline. Homer of The
Greekly World News.
Never has this reporter seen
such a titan smitin' spectacular.
Throw the bolt! Throw the bolt!
Oh, man, huh? Herc
should have stuck with us.
We've got a great
view of the action.
He did OK for himself.
What's this? A
surprising turn of events.
Whoa! Wow. Ahh, the
signature Zeus stance.
Just like in the oft' told tale.
Oh, my God! She isn't.
Ah, that stupid myth.
You should have told him.
Aah!
Oh, no!
Oh, the divinity.
Herc, don't sweat this, man.
What good is immortality
if you don't test
it once in a while?
I really didn't...
Forget about it. Your dad's
smoothing everything over.
Sure. Of course.
You go have fun.
Uh, there was, however,
some talk among
the security staff about
you being a public hazard.
Oh, yes. I've been there, pal.
Aw, man.
Hey, you stuck to the story.
Oh, yeah, that, uh,
over the shoulder,
eyes closed on one foot thing,
that was, uh, so Zeus.
So very Zeus.
He can pull off
that kind of stunt.
I can't.
Can't believe what a
fool I made of myself.
It's the worst Titan
Smitin' festival ever.
Brace yourself.
It gets worse.
Ha. How?
We're doomed!
Aah!
You guys get a boat out of here.
Wh-wh-what about you?
It's time I did something right.
My father defeated the
father of all monsters,
I'm going to defeat the
mother of all monsters.
You stay here, baby,
while Mama does her carnage.
Sorry the sitter
didn't work out.
Sitter yummy. Ooh!
As a hero-in-training,
I insist you return
to your domain.
As a monster in a mood,
I insist you feed the baby.
Whoa!
Ooh hoo ooh ooh ooh.
Ptooey. I spit up.
Aah!
Monsters get in free.
Ha ha ha ha!
I love my work.
Thanks, Pegasus.
We've gotta head her off.
Ooh. What in...
Ha ha. She looks
pretty good with a beard.
Where are you,
you little demibrat?
Unh! Unh! Unh!
Watch where you
point that thing.
Aah!
Yeow! That smarts!
Put me down here, Pegasus.
Then stand back.
Aah!
- Typhon!
- Typhon!
Love muffin!
Man, have I got the
mother of all headaches.
Somebody get me a bromo.
Don't worry, I'll make
it all better, poopsie.
Catnip, where am I,
baby? What's happened?
Don't you remember, babycakes?
The big battle?
That's right. I was
conquering the world,
minding my own business,
when Zeus threw
a mountain on me!
Uh, as a hero-in training,
I insist you return to
your eternal prison.
Oh, honey, those Ionian
horse flies are big this year.
I... I... I'm not a fly.
I'm Hercules. Son of Zeus.
Oh, perfect.
You go tell Papa I'm on
my way for the rematch.
Aah!
How about a nice home-cooked meal
before you annihilate Zeus, sweetums?
This snack will tide me over.
No, Typhon, that's
your son! That's Laden!
So?
Dada.
Ha. He does have my fangs.
Hoo hoo. We're a
happy family again.
Come on, boys, let's
go destroy something.
Not something, someone.
Mr. Olympian ego,
Mr. Top God, Mr. Hotshot!
Don't get me started!
I can't settle down!
Where's that bromo?!
Aah! Unh!
Father?
Uh, could I have
a word with you?
Son, you're not still upset about
today's little accident, are you?
That? Nah.
I'm completely over that.
Uh, but, I-I do have
some new news.
Uh, I sort of freed Typhon.
What?!
I didn't mean to. I
tried to put him back!
But I... Oh, what's the use?
I'll never measure up to you.
What are you talking about?
Come on, Father, you're perfect.
You single-handedly defeated
the baddest titan there ever was.
You cast a pretty big shadow.
Oh, uh, sorry about that.
I mean, what are they gonna
write about me in the history scrolls?
Jerk-ules single-handedly
let loose the baddest
titan there ever was?
Son, I really need to
talk to you about this.
Uh, but not now.
Typhon's coming for me.
I must prepare for battle.
Aah! Run! Run!
Aah!
This is quality time.
Stop right there, Typhon!
Put down those
innocent Athenians.
Gimme a break, they're lawyers.
Well, put them down anyway.
Besides, you know
they give you gas.
Oh, yeah, you got me there.
Aah!
Good point.
Come on, baby,
Daddy's got to work now.
It's time for me to put
you back under your rock.
Aah!
Hotcha! Who's smitin' who now?
Don't worry,
Father, I'll help you.
Stay back!
You're not... Aah...
ready... for this.
Ha ha ha!
Enough tenderizing.
You're going down!
♪ Typhon, Typhon,
he's our beast ♪
♪ Chew on Zeus
till he's deceased ♪
♪ Go ♪
♪ Typhon! ♪
Chew on this!
Hey! Watch it, buddy!
All right!
Here, Dada.
Ooh!
Do you know how long I
had to pose for that statue?
Father! Catch!
Aah.
Oh, my gosh.
Ha ha ha ha!
Hold it right there, little mister.
No audience participation.
Mother, where'd you
get the thunderbolt?
It's the one your father
leaves in his underwear drawer.
Yeow! Man, that stings!
Oh, my poor baby, blow. Blow.
Good shot!
I've had practice.
Although the last time it
went up his other nostril.
Last time?
Time out!
It was two against one?
Well, this time I'll
help even the odds.
This time the fight will
be resolved peacefully.
Or else.
Uh, Ty... Typhon, honey...
I've decided we should
resolve this peacefully.
Let's go, precious.
This isn't over, Zeus!
I want a rematch of our rematch!
Mother, you threw the bolt?
Yes, Hercules.
It was the only way to
buy your father enough time
to win the battle.
Hey, it takes a lot out of a guy
to slam a mountain
on his opponent,
uh, so, I... I
needed a little help.
So, wait... This whole
three-day weekend,
this whole festival,
is all based on a myth?
Myths happen, son.
But you're the king of the
gods. You're-you're Zeus.
- The truth is...
- Don't say it.
He's only human, so to speak.
Hey, that makes two of us.
Oh, everybody expects
me to be perfect.
Even I expect me to be perfect.
Father, trust me on this one,
nobody's perfect.
You just have to do your best.
And if you need backup,
hope you've got a wife with
a real barn-burner pitch. Hah!
We wanna set history straight.
I mean, it wasn't a fair fight.
They ganged up on me.
Are you getting this, Homer?
Yeah, yeah, Typhon
says, "Not fair."
Yeah! And then he
pops me with Mt. Etna!
What's that about?
Don't get me started!
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
Join us as we
visit ancient Greece
on the cusp of that
most magical time...
The three-day weekend.
Yes, it is everyone's
favorite holiday.
Titan Smitin' Day.
Give yourself a rest, Bob.
Everybody gets
Titan Smitin' day off,
Even you.
You're right. It's in my
narrators' union contract.
I should be spending some quality
time with my disembodied family.
So move your disembodied butt.
We're gonna be
late for the festival.
Ho! Yes, sir!
My favorite day of
the year is finally here.
Oh! Do you have any idea
how long I've
been waiting for it?
A year?
Yes! And that is way too
long for an annual event.
Oh, speaking of long waits...
Which ride should we
get in line for first, huh?
The Zeus Spinner?
- Ooh! Ooh! No, wait!
- Hey.
The Zeus Coaster!
There! No, no! That one!
The Tilt-A-Zeus! Oh!
That is my favorite. Ooh!
Where else can you be
yanked in all different directions,
Spun in circles until you're
dizzy and nauseous, huh?
Oh, I'm dizzy. Ahh.
I've got nausea covered.
And then the big bad
Typhon showed up.
Grrrrrrrr.
- Boo! Boo!
- Hiss!
Boo!
Ooh. That rotten Typhon
had to be stopped.
Play your cards right, Hercules.
And someday little puppets
will act out your exploits.
Wow, you think so?
Cynicism is wasted on you.
Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shush!
My favorite part is coming up.
What time is it, kids?
It's Titan Smitin' time!
That's right!
Here comes the mighty Zeus.
Yay! Whoo! Whoo!
Oh, stinkin' Typhon!
Aah! Aah! You want
some of me?! Ooh!
- Here, take this!
- Get your mt. Etna hats!
Mt. Etna!
Where Zeus buried Typhon.
The perfect hat to
honor the perfect god.
You know,
Hercules... Yeah, yeah.
Someday the sight of
my most famous battle
could be
commemorated with a hat.
Well, you've captured
my snippiness,
but actually, I was gonna say
- that you've got some big sandals to fill.
- What do you mean?
Most people who go
into the family business
don't have to follow
an act like Zeus.
Zeus rules!
Yeah. And when I grow up,
I want to be just like Zeus.
You can't be just like Zeus.
Nobody's as good as Zeus.
Oh! Can you believe it?
Somebody called
security... Ratted me out.
Sorry, Icarus, I had no choice.
Puppet assault is no joke.
An example had to be made.
Oh, yours is a tough love.
Hey! The Argonauts
of the Aegean ride!
Come, my sweet, let us
set sail with the wildest crew
that ever sought a
secret shag. Yarr.
Wait. Is this that underground
boat ride in the dark?
Really dark.
Give you any ideas?
Yeah. Nobody will see me
push you overboard. Let's go.
I'll see you guys later.
Come on, Pegasus.
Come on, Tiffany, Chad,
all aboard for the Aegean.
Oh, Bob, I'm so glad you
got the day off from narrating.
Hey, hey, hey! Take
a shot at Typhon.
Three bolts for a drachma.
Hey, kid, give it a shot, baby.
Maybe you got a little
bit of Zeus in you, huh?
Maybe I do.
That-a-boy! Take your best shot.
Yessir! Try to be like Zeus.
Ooh! Too bad, you were
so close, so close, so close.
Zeus never missed.
Ooh! That was close.
OK, one last chance, kid.
You gotta concentrate a new way.
Be the bolt.
You gotta...
Ahh! Hercster.
- Aah!
- Been looking all over for you.
Oh, just missed.
Ooh, tough luck.
Story of my life.
Well, here's some good news.
- You are invited to cloud 33.
- Really?
Saddle up, Herc babe, let's fly.
Nectar and water.
Nectar on the rocks.
Nectar flambé.
Wish me luck, Pegasus.
I'm sorry, sir, this
is a private cloud.
Gods only.
Uh, I... I'm... I'm a demigod.
Get back, cat. Hercules
is with the Zeus party.
Yes. Look under "Z."
Oh, well, please enjoy
yourself, young sir.
I just don't see why it
has to be today of all days.
Because it is the perfect
opportunity to tell Hercules.
Tell me what?
Uh, nothing.
Then why did you send for me?
I sent for you, Hercules.
Because I thought your father
had something important to tell you.
Um, well, uh...
Oh! Father, before
I forget, here.
Hmm.
"With a dad like
you, I cannot lose."
You're right up there
with the mighty Zeus.
Happy Titan Smitin' Day.
"From your loving
son," scroll mark.
Well, actually, you're more
than right up there with Zeus,
since you are Zeus.
But you get the idea.
Aw, son! Ha!
So, what did Mother
think you would tell me
that you decided not to tell me?
Well, I... I get a lot of
attention on this holiday
because of the Typhon
battle and I, well,
I decided that this year,
you should throw
in the first bolt.
Me? In front of everybody?
You mean it?
Of course. You're my son.
You should get
your chance to shine.
Oh, thank you, Father!
Mm. Let's rock
'n' roll, Hercunator.
You're on in five.
Don't look at me that way.
I couldn't disappoint the boy.
I know.
But he is our son.
He deserves to know the truth.
Morpheus, hit the lights, babe!
Ladies and gentlemen,
cats and chicks,
that crazy, cuckoo
day is upon us
and that day is...
Titan Smitin' Day!
Ha ha ha. Dig it.
♪ When Athens was
barely A dot on the map ♪
♪ On the edge
of a new frontier ♪
♪ Destiny called on
a dapper young cat ♪
♪ With a battle that
made his career ♪
♪ He was buff, he was tough ♪
♪ He was armed to the teeth ♪
♪ Bent on fearlessly
frying his foes ♪
♪ Packing plenty of punch
In his thunderbolt sheath ♪
♪ Yeah, that's how
the story goes ♪
♪ Mmm... ♪
♪ A terrible Titan
Stepped onto the scene ♪
♪ Trying to carve out
a niche of his own ♪
♪ His brutal attackin'
Sent everyone packin' ♪
♪ And Zeus had
to face him alone ♪
♪ Smelled like
Limburger cheese ♪
♪ He was covered with fleas ♪
♪ From his rattlesnake
knees to his nose ♪
♪ He could topple Olympus
With one little sneeze ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ That's how the story goes ♪
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Now Zeus didn't worry
He let loose a flurry ♪
♪ That left Typhon
buried and crushed ♪
♪ And so it was written
That Typhon was smitten ♪
♪ He'd finally bitten
the dust, ha ha ♪
♪ That beast had been
blown By one god on his own ♪
♪ While striking
this masterful pose ♪
♪ And the legend was born
On that fateful morn, yeah ♪
♪ That's how the story goes ♪
♪ Yes, that's how
the story goes ♪
Ha ha!
♪ Hush, little laden,
Don't you frown ♪
♪ Those who woke
you are going down ♪
♪ I'm sick of
Titan Smitin' Day ♪
♪ Now it's time to make
Those Grecians pay ♪
Every year I have to listen to that
rabble celebrate your daddy's defeat.
Daddy? Who... who that?
Oh, his name was
Typhon, sweetie.
He was the most fearsome
monster there ever was.
Until that nasty old
Zeus buried him.
If I could just
get you a sitter,
I'd go shut that party
down personally.
Dateline. Titan Smitin' Day.
Byline. Homer of The
Greekly World News.
Never has this reporter seen
such a titan smitin' spectacular.
Throw the bolt! Throw the bolt!
Oh, man, huh? Herc
should have stuck with us.
We've got a great
view of the action.
He did OK for himself.
What's this? A
surprising turn of events.
Whoa! Wow. Ahh, the
signature Zeus stance.
Just like in the oft' told tale.
Oh, my God! She isn't.
Ah, that stupid myth.
You should have told him.
Aah!
Oh, no!
Oh, the divinity.
Herc, don't sweat this, man.
What good is immortality
if you don't test
it once in a while?
I really didn't...
Forget about it. Your dad's
smoothing everything over.
Sure. Of course.
You go have fun.
Uh, there was, however,
some talk among
the security staff about
you being a public hazard.
Oh, yes. I've been there, pal.
Aw, man.
Hey, you stuck to the story.
Oh, yeah, that, uh,
over the shoulder,
eyes closed on one foot thing,
that was, uh, so Zeus.
So very Zeus.
He can pull off
that kind of stunt.
I can't.
Can't believe what a
fool I made of myself.
It's the worst Titan
Smitin' festival ever.
Brace yourself.
It gets worse.
Ha. How?
We're doomed!
Aah!
You guys get a boat out of here.
Wh-wh-what about you?
It's time I did something right.
My father defeated the
father of all monsters,
I'm going to defeat the
mother of all monsters.
You stay here, baby,
while Mama does her carnage.
Sorry the sitter
didn't work out.
Sitter yummy. Ooh!
As a hero-in-training,
I insist you return
to your domain.
As a monster in a mood,
I insist you feed the baby.
Whoa!
Ooh hoo ooh ooh ooh.
Ptooey. I spit up.
Aah!
Monsters get in free.
Ha ha ha ha!
I love my work.
Thanks, Pegasus.
We've gotta head her off.
Ooh. What in...
Ha ha. She looks
pretty good with a beard.
Where are you,
you little demibrat?
Unh! Unh! Unh!
Watch where you
point that thing.
Aah!
Yeow! That smarts!
Put me down here, Pegasus.
Then stand back.
Aah!
- Typhon!
- Typhon!
Love muffin!
Man, have I got the
mother of all headaches.
Somebody get me a bromo.
Don't worry, I'll make
it all better, poopsie.
Catnip, where am I,
baby? What's happened?
Don't you remember, babycakes?
The big battle?
That's right. I was
conquering the world,
minding my own business,
when Zeus threw
a mountain on me!
Uh, as a hero-in training,
I insist you return to
your eternal prison.
Oh, honey, those Ionian
horse flies are big this year.
I... I... I'm not a fly.
I'm Hercules. Son of Zeus.
Oh, perfect.
You go tell Papa I'm on
my way for the rematch.
Aah!
How about a nice home-cooked meal
before you annihilate Zeus, sweetums?
This snack will tide me over.
No, Typhon, that's
your son! That's Laden!
So?
Dada.
Ha. He does have my fangs.
Hoo hoo. We're a
happy family again.
Come on, boys, let's
go destroy something.
Not something, someone.
Mr. Olympian ego,
Mr. Top God, Mr. Hotshot!
Don't get me started!
I can't settle down!
Where's that bromo?!
Aah! Unh!
Father?
Uh, could I have
a word with you?
Son, you're not still upset about
today's little accident, are you?
That? Nah.
I'm completely over that.
Uh, but, I-I do have
some new news.
Uh, I sort of freed Typhon.
What?!
I didn't mean to. I
tried to put him back!
But I... Oh, what's the use?
I'll never measure up to you.
What are you talking about?
Come on, Father, you're perfect.
You single-handedly defeated
the baddest titan there ever was.
You cast a pretty big shadow.
Oh, uh, sorry about that.
I mean, what are they gonna
write about me in the history scrolls?
Jerk-ules single-handedly
let loose the baddest
titan there ever was?
Son, I really need to
talk to you about this.
Uh, but not now.
Typhon's coming for me.
I must prepare for battle.
Aah! Run! Run!
Aah!
This is quality time.
Stop right there, Typhon!
Put down those
innocent Athenians.
Gimme a break, they're lawyers.
Well, put them down anyway.
Besides, you know
they give you gas.
Oh, yeah, you got me there.
Aah!
Good point.
Come on, baby,
Daddy's got to work now.
It's time for me to put
you back under your rock.
Aah!
Hotcha! Who's smitin' who now?
Don't worry,
Father, I'll help you.
Stay back!
You're not... Aah...
ready... for this.
Ha ha ha!
Enough tenderizing.
You're going down!
♪ Typhon, Typhon,
he's our beast ♪
♪ Chew on Zeus
till he's deceased ♪
♪ Go ♪
♪ Typhon! ♪
Chew on this!
Hey! Watch it, buddy!
All right!
Here, Dada.
Ooh!
Do you know how long I
had to pose for that statue?
Father! Catch!
Aah.
Oh, my gosh.
Ha ha ha ha!
Hold it right there, little mister.
No audience participation.
Mother, where'd you
get the thunderbolt?
It's the one your father
leaves in his underwear drawer.
Yeow! Man, that stings!
Oh, my poor baby, blow. Blow.
Good shot!
I've had practice.
Although the last time it
went up his other nostril.
Last time?
Time out!
It was two against one?
Well, this time I'll
help even the odds.
This time the fight will
be resolved peacefully.
Or else.
Uh, Ty... Typhon, honey...
I've decided we should
resolve this peacefully.
Let's go, precious.
This isn't over, Zeus!
I want a rematch of our rematch!
Mother, you threw the bolt?
Yes, Hercules.
It was the only way to
buy your father enough time
to win the battle.
Hey, it takes a lot out of a guy
to slam a mountain
on his opponent,
uh, so, I... I
needed a little help.
So, wait... This whole
three-day weekend,
this whole festival,
is all based on a myth?
Myths happen, son.
But you're the king of the
gods. You're-you're Zeus.
- The truth is...
- Don't say it.
He's only human, so to speak.
Hey, that makes two of us.
Oh, everybody expects
me to be perfect.
Even I expect me to be perfect.
Father, trust me on this one,
nobody's perfect.
You just have to do your best.
And if you need backup,
hope you've got a wife with
a real barn-burner pitch. Hah!
We wanna set history straight.
I mean, it wasn't a fair fight.
They ganged up on me.
Are you getting this, Homer?
Yeah, yeah, Typhon
says, "Not fair."
Yeah! And then he
pops me with Mt. Etna!
What's that about?
Don't get me started!