Hercules (1998–1999): Season 1, Episode 11 - Hercules and the Tapestry of Fate - full transcript
Icarus' idea backfires when he and Hercules visit the Fates to persuade them into redoing their tellings so they can get concert tickets. However, when the Fates refuse, Icarus takes things into his own hands and gets the tickets anyway...
♪ Who put the
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
In the ancient Greece
of myth and legend,
there were perhaps no
figures so shrouded in mystery
as the Fates,
also known as the
Three Dread Sisters,
Clotho, spinner of
a thread of destiny.
Lachesis, who measures
out fortune's fiber,
and perhaps the
most feared of all,
Atropos, who holds the
shears that seal a soul's doom
with but one snip.
With these magical threads,
the Fates weave the
very tapestry of life,
humankind's destiny was
quite literally in the twisted hands
of these three weird sisters.
Who are you calling weird?
Oh, sorry.
Hello, ladies, I'm the narrator.
We know.
Ahem... pardon?
We know everything.
Yeah, well, actually,
knowing everything is my job.
I'm the narrator!
I'm omniscient.
Oh, do be quiet, Bob.
How did you know my name?
We told you... We
know everything.
Then tell me,
Have you seen five
charming, attractive ladies?
The muses?
Yes, traditionally I open
the program with them.
We trade some good-natured
banter, sometimes they sing...
Not today.
You're stuck with us... Bob.
You're not, heh heh, going
to... going to sing, are you?
No, but we have prepared a poem.
Watch us weave
the tapestry of fate.
With magic thread,
reality we create.
One wrong stitch
might be disastrous.
Just ask Hercules
and his friend Icarus.
I cannot believe it!
They're already
putting up decorations
for the great Dionysia festival.
Yeah, talk about
rushing the season.
We haven't even had
the feast of Apollo yet.
Ok, I'm gonna go shop now,
so see you guys later... or not.
Oh, don't be silly, Cassandra.
I'm here to offer
my fashion savvy.
I shall stick to you like glue.
Oh, check out the
super-cool poster!
Orpheus!
Is coming to town?
This shall be the defining event
of our generation.
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, uh, uh... whoops!
Sorry.
Tickets for that concert
are going to sell out instantly.
Well, then, let's rock!
And roll!
Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
Faster, faster! Faster! Faster!
Oh, sorry.
Ohh!
Just in time.
Two tickets for the Orpheus
Never Look Back concert, yes!
Sorry, just sold
the last two to him.
Concert event of the millennium.
Sold out to me!
Oh, that's ok.
There will be other concerts.
I can't go on living the lie!
There'll never be another
concert like this one.
Ever! The dream is shattered!
Hey, I ain't cleanin' that.
I'm a hero trainer,
not your janitor.
Please, we prefer the term
custodial arts practitioner.
I'm a junior scrub monkey.
Sorry, Phil.
It's just we've been
looking forward
to this concert all year.
Duh, your daddy is
the king of the gods.
Catch my drift?
Oh, yes. He's the
goat man with the plan.
So, Father,
maybe a little, uh...
divine intervention, huh?
I can't help you, son.
Orpheus is one hot ticket.
Fabulous. You know,
I-I caught a warm up gig
at a small club in Corinth.
All hits, no filler.
You know me, son.
I'm always willing to lend
you the hand of a god,
but frivolous interference
in mortal affairs
tends to come back and
bite me in the backside.
- I understand.
- You're tough, but fair.
I'm sorry, boys.
Guess the fates were
against you on this one.
Game over.
Even my dad couldn't help us.
Ooh, oh, oh, oh! Herc!
He did help!
"I guess the fates
are against you."
Huh? Huh? The fates! Get it?
The fates, huh?
Yeah, the fates can do anything.
I see you two on the brink of
one of your buddy adventures,
peppered with hijinks
and fraught with disaster.
Or tell me something
I don't know.
It's like Orpheus is
even worth it anymore.
He's way too slick
since he went polyphonic.
Gee, uh, I don't
know about this.
Oh, relax. The worst
they could say is no.
NEVER!
Is that worse than a no,
'cause I'm not sure.
What you ask would require
reweaving the tapestry of fate.
And the tapestry must
never be rewoven.
Even for a handsome, strapping,
smooth-skinned son of Zeus.
Eyew!
Oh, I-I-I mean, uh,
I guess we'll be on our way now.
Ooh, I think the short
one's got the eye for you.
I've got an idea. You
just keep 'em talking.
Icarus.
I am Arachnae,
guardian of the
tapestry of fate.
Hello? Hello!
Ugh, no one is ever stupid
enough to sneak in here!
Oh, oh, my mom.
"Oh, yes, be a
guardian," she said.
"See the world,
eat exotic people."
Thanks, mom. Great idea.
Wow!
Ooh, the tapestry chamber.
Ooh. Aah. Hey, aah!
Ooh.
And stitch two, pearl
three, drop one stitch,
two, pearl three, drop
one. Ooh, that looks good.
Ah, ah, ah, oh, stitch
two, three, drop one.
Oh, so, then I said, duh,
why do you think
they call them furies?
Oh, good looks and
a sense of humor, too.
Aah.
Yummy.
What was that?
Well, aren't you
quite the faties' man?
Come around again, son of Zeus.
I'll be keeping an
eye out for you.
Icarus, did you...
Reweave the tapestry of fate?
Affirmative, good buddy.
Oh, no! What were you thinking?
Oh, Herc, in the
words of the great one...
Never look back, baby!
I don't know. This
doesn't feel right.
Focus, Herc, we're
going to the concert.
Everything is gonna
be hunky and dory.
Am I looking at my
little icky wicky poo?
Yes, I am.
Hey, honey muffin!
Ick, did you tangle any threads
when you were
reweaving the tapestry?
Ha, you don't
know the half of it.
I have never seen such a
knotted up mess. Why do you ask?
Why? Doesn't Cassandra
seem a little different to you?
Now that you mention it...
I do detect a fragrant hint...
Not the perfume, something else!
Something glaringly else!
Oh, I am so excited to
be going to the concert
with my schnoogy-schnoogy
and my bestest best friend.
Uh, you mean Herc?
No, helen!
Hi!
Actually, Cassie and I want
to talk to you about Jerkules.
It's hurting your image,
hanging around that loser.
You know what you must do.
Oh, what a tangled web we wove.
Ah, we should
have brought a torch.
Sorry, I forgot how
dark it is in here.
Shh. Try to keep it down.
- Unh.
- Ahh.
Sorry. Sorry. Forgot about
that low ceiling back there.
Anything else you forgot?
No, that's it.
Tapestry chamber should
be right around here.
I am Arachnae,
guardian of the
tapestry of fate.
Unh.
Right, sorry, sorry.
Forgot about the
giant spider lady.
Aah!
Yeah, this is the
way my day's going.
Just when I decide to take my lunch
break, somebody wants to show up.
Hang on a second.
Maybe I can make this work.
Icarus!
Help!
Oh, yeah! Incoming!
Another ding. Botta-bing.
Thrills. I'm absolutely
thrilled over here.
Ahh. Who can I kick around?
Yo, imps.
Actually, uh, we prefer to be
called "assistant agents of darkness."
Looks better on the
résumé, you know.
Whatever.
We'll talk about your
job descriptions later.
Right now, just take
care of the new arrival.
Yes, sir!
If, uh, if your
afternoon's open,
It'd be great if you could
meet the new being.
The personal touch
goes a long way
to getting their eternal
doom off to the right start.
Whoo! Did we,
like, not pay the bill?
Whoa!
That soul left! It left!
Souls do not leave
the underworld.
And who has the
code for this alarm?
Unh. Aah! I think it's your
mother's maiden name.
Oh, I did it!
Icarus, you're alive.
What, no tickets?
I say we quit while we're ahead
and leave the tapestry
weaving to the Fates.
Well, come on, Herc!
I mean, the-the
concert. Yes, Orpheus,
Ooh, ooh, the
Orphettes. Huh? Huh?
No!
Tapestry weaving?
Oh, my nephew.
My genius little nephew.
Why didn't I think
of this eons ago?
Knitting needles.
And two, pearl
two, one, stitch two.
Where am I?
I'm a god!
Wait, did I pearl
one, drop three?
Shh. Quiet, son.
Your father is coming.
The king of the gods!
The ruler of Olympus!
Hades!
Hiya... son.
Better close that mouth, son,
before a harpy
flies into it. Ha ha!
Oh, darling.
You're the best.
Hmm. Botta-bing.
Hey, you like the new do?
I just jump in the
shower and away I go.
Couldn't do that with
the old one, could I? Ha!
Wait! What's going
on? Where's Zeus?
Zeus? Zeus? What is
that, a candy or something?
The real king of Olympus?
Now, now, I've
always been the king.
Thank you. Yeah, yeah.
Hades has left the building.
Hey, by the way, that
tapestry trick, nice.
Oh, the tapestry!
Ah, great.
It's gone!
Well, hello.
Mind if I... drop in for a bite?
Aah!
That hurts.
Ha ha, yeah. So typical.
I meet a nice guy. I try to eat
him, and he turns out to be a god.
Oh, yeah.
What happened to the tapestry?
Tapestry? No clue.
Ohh. The Fate's tapestry.
It was here earlier.
No, the Fates and their tapestry
have always been
prisoners of the underworld.
You are a god. You
should know this.
But I thought you
were its guardian.
Oh, I wish.
Oh, I'd love to be a guardian.
See the world.
Eat exotic people.
So you're just a... Spider lady?
I prefer to be called a
freelance web designer.
Web designer. Thank you so much.
Uh, I'm sorry, I've
got to go get the...
Huh?
Oh, mighty Hercules,
hear my call.
Phil, is that you?
The exalted one answers.
Phil?
Boy, am I glad to see you.
I'm in... I'm in a real mess.
Hey, if you got a mess,
I'm your goat man.
You're a janit...
Er, custodial arts practitioner?
I prefer to be called
a scrub monkey.
Oh, this is making my head hurt.
Hey, Herc!
Your shrine smells lemony fresh.
Icarus!
Yes, oh mighty Hercules.
This olive loaf here
claims he's your friend.
So, Mr. Quit-while-we're-ahead.
Oh, Herc, you sly dog.
Whoo! Who cares
about concert tickets,
when you can just be a god, huh?
Icarus, I-I didn't
do any of this.
Oh, don't be modest.
You done great for yourself.
Oh, and thank you
for flight school...
Nice touch.
Whoa. Flight school?
What flight school?
It's nice to be finally
recognized for my
aerodynamic genius.
All polished up for you, sir.
What are we gonna
fly close to today?
Um... the ocean.
All this week, it's the ocean.
Shoo! Shoo! Get outta here!
Icarus, we need to talk.
Wow! Hades, huh?
Phew!
So, uh, your being a
god and my being popular
and Phil being a janitor... Yo!
All just threads that got
tangled along the way.
Oh, well, fate happens.
Well, enjoy it
while you still can,
'cause I'm going to the
underworld to untangle it.
Tread with care,
oh, mighty Hercules.
I hear that River Styx
stains like nobody's business.
Well, if it isn't the
strapping young Hercules.
Right on schedule.
Mediterranean
Standard Fate Time.
Oy, no, I'm here
to fix the tapestry.
We know!
But beware, young hero,
for you will learn...
That fate has
taken an ugly turn.
By now, we're sure
you can deduce...
The tapestry's guardian is Zeus.
Unh.
All right, cats and kittens.
Hey, give it up for the
lord of the underworld,
Mmm... Zeus!
Nobody touches the tapestry.
Pardon me, sir, but isn't
that your zany nephew,
Uh, the son of Hades.
So it is.
Long time no see, kiddo.
Well, have a fun-filled
family reunion, kids.
We just checked in a
bunch of new dead people,
and I gotta go see who
needs... doom service.
Hercules, I didn't
recognize you.
Or I never would have
blasted you like that.
Uh, Father?
Whoa!
Father, why that would be me.
Hades. Oh, ha ha,
I'm terribly sorry, brother.
I-I mean, your highness.
I thought your son
here was an intruder.
Oh, well, ha ha ha.
That's why I'm the
king of Olympus,
and you're just the lowly
keeper of the underworld.
So, hey, how are
the dead guys, huh?
Oh, still dead.
Ah, good, good.
Speaking of which...
I think you'd better
destroy Hercules.
W-W-Why? But he's your son!
And he's trying to mess
with the tapestry of fate.
It's a teen rebellious thing.
You know, the music,
and the hair, and...
He's been hanging
out with mortals.
Mortals! What do you do?
Oh, mortals!
You know what I always say...
Spare the lightning
rod, spoil the child.
Oh, all I wanted to do
was go to a stupid concert.
Whoa!
Hyah!
Ha-cha-woo.
Whoa. Aah!
Whoa! Ahh, ooh!
Does my hair look stiff?
I just got the part right.
Is there something in my hair?
Oh, ha ha.
Uh-oh.
Ooops!
Um... wow!
Wow, babe, that-that was a
load-bearing stalactite. Hmm.
Grab him!
Yes, my dark Olympian master.
Ooh! Aah! Poo! Aah!
Take that, you crazy nut.
This new cosmic order
is a little disconcerting.
And yet, somehow, it works.
Aah! Yeah, baby.
Hey, look at that.
I'm bald. Ha.
Ha ha!
That's a spare.
Aah!
Whoo! Cool and refreshing.
Even as king of the gods, if
you want to get something done,
hey, you gotta do it yourself.
Gotcha.
Hoo! Haa! Hyah!
Hyah!
Wahoo! Yes!
Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!
Just in time.
Two tickets for the Orpheus
Never Look Back concert. Yes!
Here you go. Last two.
Funny, they are
front row center.
Hey! How did you
get here before me?
The tickets are
a gift, young hero.
A token of our appreciation,
A remembrance
of our time together.
Yummy.
Eyew!
You'd think the
Fates would be mad.
I mean, if we hadn't
messed with the tapestry,
Hades wouldn't never
have gotten the idea.
Oh, those gals
aren't petty like that.
They got the eye, baby.
They see the big picture.
Now, let's go to
the concert event
of the millennium, huh?
Canceled?
That's right. Darndest thing.
He woke up this
morning, no voice.
Ah, he really had
a great set of pipes.
Ah, boy, and you
kids had choice seats.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Talk about your nasty
twist of fate, huh?
The Fates.
Please, we prefer to be called
"predetermined
event facilitators."
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Is he bold? ♪
♪ No one braver ♪
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
♪ No complainin' ♪
♪ He was a no one ♪
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
♪ From zero to hero ♪
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
Wait and see!
In the ancient Greece
of myth and legend,
there were perhaps no
figures so shrouded in mystery
as the Fates,
also known as the
Three Dread Sisters,
Clotho, spinner of
a thread of destiny.
Lachesis, who measures
out fortune's fiber,
and perhaps the
most feared of all,
Atropos, who holds the
shears that seal a soul's doom
with but one snip.
With these magical threads,
the Fates weave the
very tapestry of life,
humankind's destiny was
quite literally in the twisted hands
of these three weird sisters.
Who are you calling weird?
Oh, sorry.
Hello, ladies, I'm the narrator.
We know.
Ahem... pardon?
We know everything.
Yeah, well, actually,
knowing everything is my job.
I'm the narrator!
I'm omniscient.
Oh, do be quiet, Bob.
How did you know my name?
We told you... We
know everything.
Then tell me,
Have you seen five
charming, attractive ladies?
The muses?
Yes, traditionally I open
the program with them.
We trade some good-natured
banter, sometimes they sing...
Not today.
You're stuck with us... Bob.
You're not, heh heh, going
to... going to sing, are you?
No, but we have prepared a poem.
Watch us weave
the tapestry of fate.
With magic thread,
reality we create.
One wrong stitch
might be disastrous.
Just ask Hercules
and his friend Icarus.
I cannot believe it!
They're already
putting up decorations
for the great Dionysia festival.
Yeah, talk about
rushing the season.
We haven't even had
the feast of Apollo yet.
Ok, I'm gonna go shop now,
so see you guys later... or not.
Oh, don't be silly, Cassandra.
I'm here to offer
my fashion savvy.
I shall stick to you like glue.
Oh, check out the
super-cool poster!
Orpheus!
Is coming to town?
This shall be the defining event
of our generation.
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, uh, uh... whoops!
Sorry.
Tickets for that concert
are going to sell out instantly.
Well, then, let's rock!
And roll!
Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
Faster, faster! Faster! Faster!
Oh, sorry.
Ohh!
Just in time.
Two tickets for the Orpheus
Never Look Back concert, yes!
Sorry, just sold
the last two to him.
Concert event of the millennium.
Sold out to me!
Oh, that's ok.
There will be other concerts.
I can't go on living the lie!
There'll never be another
concert like this one.
Ever! The dream is shattered!
Hey, I ain't cleanin' that.
I'm a hero trainer,
not your janitor.
Please, we prefer the term
custodial arts practitioner.
I'm a junior scrub monkey.
Sorry, Phil.
It's just we've been
looking forward
to this concert all year.
Duh, your daddy is
the king of the gods.
Catch my drift?
Oh, yes. He's the
goat man with the plan.
So, Father,
maybe a little, uh...
divine intervention, huh?
I can't help you, son.
Orpheus is one hot ticket.
Fabulous. You know,
I-I caught a warm up gig
at a small club in Corinth.
All hits, no filler.
You know me, son.
I'm always willing to lend
you the hand of a god,
but frivolous interference
in mortal affairs
tends to come back and
bite me in the backside.
- I understand.
- You're tough, but fair.
I'm sorry, boys.
Guess the fates were
against you on this one.
Game over.
Even my dad couldn't help us.
Ooh, oh, oh, oh! Herc!
He did help!
"I guess the fates
are against you."
Huh? Huh? The fates! Get it?
The fates, huh?
Yeah, the fates can do anything.
I see you two on the brink of
one of your buddy adventures,
peppered with hijinks
and fraught with disaster.
Or tell me something
I don't know.
It's like Orpheus is
even worth it anymore.
He's way too slick
since he went polyphonic.
Gee, uh, I don't
know about this.
Oh, relax. The worst
they could say is no.
NEVER!
Is that worse than a no,
'cause I'm not sure.
What you ask would require
reweaving the tapestry of fate.
And the tapestry must
never be rewoven.
Even for a handsome, strapping,
smooth-skinned son of Zeus.
Eyew!
Oh, I-I-I mean, uh,
I guess we'll be on our way now.
Ooh, I think the short
one's got the eye for you.
I've got an idea. You
just keep 'em talking.
Icarus.
I am Arachnae,
guardian of the
tapestry of fate.
Hello? Hello!
Ugh, no one is ever stupid
enough to sneak in here!
Oh, oh, my mom.
"Oh, yes, be a
guardian," she said.
"See the world,
eat exotic people."
Thanks, mom. Great idea.
Wow!
Ooh, the tapestry chamber.
Ooh. Aah. Hey, aah!
Ooh.
And stitch two, pearl
three, drop one stitch,
two, pearl three, drop
one. Ooh, that looks good.
Ah, ah, ah, oh, stitch
two, three, drop one.
Oh, so, then I said, duh,
why do you think
they call them furies?
Oh, good looks and
a sense of humor, too.
Aah.
Yummy.
What was that?
Well, aren't you
quite the faties' man?
Come around again, son of Zeus.
I'll be keeping an
eye out for you.
Icarus, did you...
Reweave the tapestry of fate?
Affirmative, good buddy.
Oh, no! What were you thinking?
Oh, Herc, in the
words of the great one...
Never look back, baby!
I don't know. This
doesn't feel right.
Focus, Herc, we're
going to the concert.
Everything is gonna
be hunky and dory.
Am I looking at my
little icky wicky poo?
Yes, I am.
Hey, honey muffin!
Ick, did you tangle any threads
when you were
reweaving the tapestry?
Ha, you don't
know the half of it.
I have never seen such a
knotted up mess. Why do you ask?
Why? Doesn't Cassandra
seem a little different to you?
Now that you mention it...
I do detect a fragrant hint...
Not the perfume, something else!
Something glaringly else!
Oh, I am so excited to
be going to the concert
with my schnoogy-schnoogy
and my bestest best friend.
Uh, you mean Herc?
No, helen!
Hi!
Actually, Cassie and I want
to talk to you about Jerkules.
It's hurting your image,
hanging around that loser.
You know what you must do.
Oh, what a tangled web we wove.
Ah, we should
have brought a torch.
Sorry, I forgot how
dark it is in here.
Shh. Try to keep it down.
- Unh.
- Ahh.
Sorry. Sorry. Forgot about
that low ceiling back there.
Anything else you forgot?
No, that's it.
Tapestry chamber should
be right around here.
I am Arachnae,
guardian of the
tapestry of fate.
Unh.
Right, sorry, sorry.
Forgot about the
giant spider lady.
Aah!
Yeah, this is the
way my day's going.
Just when I decide to take my lunch
break, somebody wants to show up.
Hang on a second.
Maybe I can make this work.
Icarus!
Help!
Oh, yeah! Incoming!
Another ding. Botta-bing.
Thrills. I'm absolutely
thrilled over here.
Ahh. Who can I kick around?
Yo, imps.
Actually, uh, we prefer to be
called "assistant agents of darkness."
Looks better on the
résumé, you know.
Whatever.
We'll talk about your
job descriptions later.
Right now, just take
care of the new arrival.
Yes, sir!
If, uh, if your
afternoon's open,
It'd be great if you could
meet the new being.
The personal touch
goes a long way
to getting their eternal
doom off to the right start.
Whoo! Did we,
like, not pay the bill?
Whoa!
That soul left! It left!
Souls do not leave
the underworld.
And who has the
code for this alarm?
Unh. Aah! I think it's your
mother's maiden name.
Oh, I did it!
Icarus, you're alive.
What, no tickets?
I say we quit while we're ahead
and leave the tapestry
weaving to the Fates.
Well, come on, Herc!
I mean, the-the
concert. Yes, Orpheus,
Ooh, ooh, the
Orphettes. Huh? Huh?
No!
Tapestry weaving?
Oh, my nephew.
My genius little nephew.
Why didn't I think
of this eons ago?
Knitting needles.
And two, pearl
two, one, stitch two.
Where am I?
I'm a god!
Wait, did I pearl
one, drop three?
Shh. Quiet, son.
Your father is coming.
The king of the gods!
The ruler of Olympus!
Hades!
Hiya... son.
Better close that mouth, son,
before a harpy
flies into it. Ha ha!
Oh, darling.
You're the best.
Hmm. Botta-bing.
Hey, you like the new do?
I just jump in the
shower and away I go.
Couldn't do that with
the old one, could I? Ha!
Wait! What's going
on? Where's Zeus?
Zeus? Zeus? What is
that, a candy or something?
The real king of Olympus?
Now, now, I've
always been the king.
Thank you. Yeah, yeah.
Hades has left the building.
Hey, by the way, that
tapestry trick, nice.
Oh, the tapestry!
Ah, great.
It's gone!
Well, hello.
Mind if I... drop in for a bite?
Aah!
That hurts.
Ha ha, yeah. So typical.
I meet a nice guy. I try to eat
him, and he turns out to be a god.
Oh, yeah.
What happened to the tapestry?
Tapestry? No clue.
Ohh. The Fate's tapestry.
It was here earlier.
No, the Fates and their tapestry
have always been
prisoners of the underworld.
You are a god. You
should know this.
But I thought you
were its guardian.
Oh, I wish.
Oh, I'd love to be a guardian.
See the world.
Eat exotic people.
So you're just a... Spider lady?
I prefer to be called a
freelance web designer.
Web designer. Thank you so much.
Uh, I'm sorry, I've
got to go get the...
Huh?
Oh, mighty Hercules,
hear my call.
Phil, is that you?
The exalted one answers.
Phil?
Boy, am I glad to see you.
I'm in... I'm in a real mess.
Hey, if you got a mess,
I'm your goat man.
You're a janit...
Er, custodial arts practitioner?
I prefer to be called
a scrub monkey.
Oh, this is making my head hurt.
Hey, Herc!
Your shrine smells lemony fresh.
Icarus!
Yes, oh mighty Hercules.
This olive loaf here
claims he's your friend.
So, Mr. Quit-while-we're-ahead.
Oh, Herc, you sly dog.
Whoo! Who cares
about concert tickets,
when you can just be a god, huh?
Icarus, I-I didn't
do any of this.
Oh, don't be modest.
You done great for yourself.
Oh, and thank you
for flight school...
Nice touch.
Whoa. Flight school?
What flight school?
It's nice to be finally
recognized for my
aerodynamic genius.
All polished up for you, sir.
What are we gonna
fly close to today?
Um... the ocean.
All this week, it's the ocean.
Shoo! Shoo! Get outta here!
Icarus, we need to talk.
Wow! Hades, huh?
Phew!
So, uh, your being a
god and my being popular
and Phil being a janitor... Yo!
All just threads that got
tangled along the way.
Oh, well, fate happens.
Well, enjoy it
while you still can,
'cause I'm going to the
underworld to untangle it.
Tread with care,
oh, mighty Hercules.
I hear that River Styx
stains like nobody's business.
Well, if it isn't the
strapping young Hercules.
Right on schedule.
Mediterranean
Standard Fate Time.
Oy, no, I'm here
to fix the tapestry.
We know!
But beware, young hero,
for you will learn...
That fate has
taken an ugly turn.
By now, we're sure
you can deduce...
The tapestry's guardian is Zeus.
Unh.
All right, cats and kittens.
Hey, give it up for the
lord of the underworld,
Mmm... Zeus!
Nobody touches the tapestry.
Pardon me, sir, but isn't
that your zany nephew,
Uh, the son of Hades.
So it is.
Long time no see, kiddo.
Well, have a fun-filled
family reunion, kids.
We just checked in a
bunch of new dead people,
and I gotta go see who
needs... doom service.
Hercules, I didn't
recognize you.
Or I never would have
blasted you like that.
Uh, Father?
Whoa!
Father, why that would be me.
Hades. Oh, ha ha,
I'm terribly sorry, brother.
I-I mean, your highness.
I thought your son
here was an intruder.
Oh, well, ha ha ha.
That's why I'm the
king of Olympus,
and you're just the lowly
keeper of the underworld.
So, hey, how are
the dead guys, huh?
Oh, still dead.
Ah, good, good.
Speaking of which...
I think you'd better
destroy Hercules.
W-W-Why? But he's your son!
And he's trying to mess
with the tapestry of fate.
It's a teen rebellious thing.
You know, the music,
and the hair, and...
He's been hanging
out with mortals.
Mortals! What do you do?
Oh, mortals!
You know what I always say...
Spare the lightning
rod, spoil the child.
Oh, all I wanted to do
was go to a stupid concert.
Whoa!
Hyah!
Ha-cha-woo.
Whoa. Aah!
Whoa! Ahh, ooh!
Does my hair look stiff?
I just got the part right.
Is there something in my hair?
Oh, ha ha.
Uh-oh.
Ooops!
Um... wow!
Wow, babe, that-that was a
load-bearing stalactite. Hmm.
Grab him!
Yes, my dark Olympian master.
Ooh! Aah! Poo! Aah!
Take that, you crazy nut.
This new cosmic order
is a little disconcerting.
And yet, somehow, it works.
Aah! Yeah, baby.
Hey, look at that.
I'm bald. Ha.
Ha ha!
That's a spare.
Aah!
Whoo! Cool and refreshing.
Even as king of the gods, if
you want to get something done,
hey, you gotta do it yourself.
Gotcha.
Hoo! Haa! Hyah!
Hyah!
Wahoo! Yes!
Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!
Just in time.
Two tickets for the Orpheus
Never Look Back concert. Yes!
Here you go. Last two.
Funny, they are
front row center.
Hey! How did you
get here before me?
The tickets are
a gift, young hero.
A token of our appreciation,
A remembrance
of our time together.
Yummy.
Eyew!
You'd think the
Fates would be mad.
I mean, if we hadn't
messed with the tapestry,
Hades wouldn't never
have gotten the idea.
Oh, those gals
aren't petty like that.
They got the eye, baby.
They see the big picture.
Now, let's go to
the concert event
of the millennium, huh?
Canceled?
That's right. Darndest thing.
He woke up this
morning, no voice.
Ah, he really had
a great set of pipes.
Ah, boy, and you
kids had choice seats.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Talk about your nasty
twist of fate, huh?
The Fates.
Please, we prefer to be called
"predetermined
event facilitators."