Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 5, Episode 13 - Whispers in the Wings - full transcript

( theme music playing )

Max: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H, she's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them,

which ain't easy
because when they met,

it was murder.

( crashing )



( dog barks )

( clattering )

( clanking )

It has something
to do with the water.

Maybe it's the ambiance.

Bagels just don't seem to thrive

as well in Los Angeles.

Cream cheese.

And lox.

Are you guys gonna catch
the new Neil Simon play?

Not tonight Max.

There's a musical here.

It sounds pretty hot.

We'll have to wait
until it cools off.



You mean you guys aren't
even gonna see one play?

Only the one we're
going to appear in, Max.

You think the Big Apple

is ready for a bunch
of amateur actors?

It is for charity, Max.

I remember last year's show.

Let's hope the
audience is charitable.

Oh, you're director,
Elliot Bauman, called,

says he expects you
at the theater at 7:00.

Where are you going?

To New York's best attraction.

The Statue of Liberty?

No, off-track betting.

You.

You've been sending the flowers?

They're lovely.

You're lovely.

Please, Eleanor, I love you.

I can't. I've told you before.

I just don't have those
kind of feelings for you.

You love him, but
he doesn't love you.

It wouldn't matter.

He's just filling you with lies.

He has no feelings for you.

He's done it with others.

Look, I know how you feel,

but I can't change
the way I feel.

What are you doing?

If I can't share your love...

( woman screams )

Jonathan: Is it 7:00?

Jennifer: On the dot.

Jonathan: Well, where's Elliot?

Max did say to meet
him at the theater,

- didn't he?
- Jennifer: Uh-huh.

Jonathan: Well, we'll
give him a few minutes.

Jennifer: Why don't
we wait in here?

Jonathan: After you.

Elliot.

Jonathan: Look at this.

Jennifer: Oh, I remember her.

Did you ever see her perform?

Jonathan: Yes, I did. I saw her

about 10 years ago in Pygmalion.

It was a few years
before she died.

Jennifer: Oh.

She certainly was
beautiful, wasn't she?

Jonathan: And a
marvelous performer as well.

I wonder if Elliot's back stage.

Oh, there is something
about an empty theater.

It reminds me of when I played

Captain Safety in
the second grade.

How so?

Nobody came.

( laughs )

My darling.

Oh, thank you very much.

This is a really famous stage.

All the Broadway greats
have performed here.

Oh, imagine, all
those people sitting

in all of those
seats looking at us.

You are beginning
to make me nervous.

Oh, you'll be fine darling.

Oh? What makes you think so?

Because you're so cute.

( door creaks open )

Maybe that's Elliot.

- Mrs. Hart.
- Oh.

I'm Mr. Perry.

I'm with the theatre.

Oh, I was just... I
know, Mrs. Hart.

This is my husband.

Jonathan, this is Mr. Perry.

- Perry: How do you do?
- Hello.

I guess I'm still the
proverbial theatre mouse.

I move too quietly.

Anyway, Elliot
Bauman called to say

that he would have to
meet you at his place.

That's all the way across town.

Ah, the life of an actor,

always at the
disposal of the director.

Right.

I'm sorry I interrupted your
performance, Mrs. Hart.

Please.

Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Elliot: You sure you
don't want anything?

Jennifer: Positive.

Jonathan: Nothing. Thanks.

I started early.

I don't know how I
let you two talk me into

another annual charity benefit.

I feel like the captain
of the Hindenburg.

Elliot, it can't be that bad.

Are you kidding me?

Look at this.

Yesterday, it was like this.

Amateurs make me crazy.

You're already crazy, Elliot.

Everybody knows that.

And we've known you too long

for you to hide it.

Now, what's the real problem?

I feel a 50-minute
hour coming on.

All right, doc, I mean, docs.

I'll tell you the truth.

It's the theater.

I was there today an hour early

and I couldn't go in because...

too many memories.

What kind of memories?

I haven't set foot
in that theatre

since Eleanor Macklin died.

I was directing her
in "Garrick's Gaieties"

just before it happened.

For five years, we've
been using the Morosco.

Why now, all of a
sudden, The Lettinger?

Well, for one thing,
it's twice the size

and we can make
double the money.

And, Elliot, it is
for needy children.

Oh, please.

Now you're gonna torture me

with images of hungry children?

They are not images, Elliot.

All right.

Okay, for the kids.

And for the kids,
I will even suffer

the greatest fear
of any director,

Raquel Moskowitz.

Raquel Moskowitz's
husband donated $20,000.

And as I recall,

you handled her
very well last year.

All right.

As long as I'm
exorcising all my demons

then why don't we go for broke

with a closing number?

Meaning?

"I'll Take Manhattan."

That's the number I
was rehearsing her in

before it happened.

We never got to do it,

it was gonna be
her show stopper.

So, let's use it.

We're gonna try that?

Why not?

Anything, so that Elliot
can survive the amateurs.

( all laugh )

That's right. Fun
and games, taunt me.

For you, oh, it's just fun.

For me, this is down, dirty,

and serious business.

( music playing )

Both: ♪ We're a
couple of swells ♪

♪ We stop at the best hotels ♪

♪ But we prefer the
country far away ♪

♪ From the city smells ♪

♪ We're a couple of sports ♪

♪ The pride of
the tennis courts ♪

♪ In June, July, and August ♪

♪ We look cute when
we're dressed in shorts ♪

♪ The Vanderbilts have
asked us up for tea ♪

Both: ♪ We don't
know how to get there ♪

♪ No siree ♪

♪ We would drive up the avenue ♪

♪ But we haven't got the price ♪

♪ We would skate up the avenue ♪

♪ But there isn't any ice ♪

♪ We would ride on a bicycle ♪

♪ But we haven't got a bike ♪

♪ So, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk
up the avenue ♪

♪ And to walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Is what we like ♪

♪ Wall Street bankers are we ♪

♪ With plenty of currency ♪

♪ We'd open up the safe ♪

♪ But we forgot
where we put the key ♪

♪ We're the favorite lads ♪

♪ Of girls in the picture ads ♪

♪ We'd like to tell you ♪

♪ Who we kissed last night ♪

♪ But we can't be cads ♪

♪ The Vanderbilts
are waiting at the club ♪

♪ But how are we to get there ♪

♪ That's the rub ♪

Both: ♪ We would
sail up the avenue ♪

♪ But we haven't got a yacht ♪

♪ We would drive up the avenue ♪

♪ But the horse
we had was shot ♪

♪ We would ride
on a trolley car ♪

♪ But we haven't got the fare ♪

♪ So, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk
up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk
up the avenue ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

( makes noise )

Yes, terrific, terrific.

Now remind me,

I'll drop names at
Barnum & Bailey.

Ah.

Whoo.

Not bad, not bad.

Who's the next charity case?

Moskowitz, Raquel.

( grunts )

Tranquilizer, quick.

Elliot, I hope this year

we don't have a problem
with the musicians.

Last year, the
piano player was flat.

Raquel, you got it.

Tommy is as sharp as they come.

You'll have to
transpose my chart.

I got it from Liza Minnelli,

but it's a little
out of my range.

Singing is out of her range.

( music playing )

♪ What good is sitting
alone in your room? ♪

♪ Come hear the music play ♪

♪ Life is a cabaret old chum ♪

♪ Come to the cabaret ♪

I'll change and
meet you upstairs

Do you smell something?

Lavender?

Lots of lavender.

I'll have Mr. Perry air
out the room for you.

- Hey, you were swell.
- Yeah?

- Uh-hmm.
- So were you.

Mmm-hmm.

( laughs )

Oh.

Point your toes, girls.

Thank you, Jennifer.

Thank you darling. It's lovely.

You're welcome.

Where'd you get it?

Well, I thought
you gave it to me.

Excuse me. Was that orchid

in your dressing room?

Yes. Why?

How much do you know
about Eleanor Macklin?

Not very much.

Only that she was
a prominent actress

and she died a few years ago.

In this theater, in
her dressing room,

which is now your
dressing room to be exact.

What's your point, Allen?

Well, rumors are that
Eleanor still hangs around

going bump in the night.

Oh.

Well, there's rumors
that every theater

is haunted by
someone, isn't that so?

True.

But did you know that
before each performance,

Eleanor had an
interesting habit?

She would bring
a freshly cut orchid

into her dressing room.

Well, Allen,

since you know so much about it,

why don't you take this?

Yeah, make jokes.

Mr. Perry,

you've worked for this
theater long enough.

Do you ever hear Eleanor

go whistling down the corridor?

It's a theater.

I think the walls are
full of strange things.

For Eleanor Macklin,

the only thing she
left was memories.

Well, Jennifer just found
this in her dressing room.

Yeah. Well, she
was supposed to be

fond of orchids,

orchids and lavender perfume.

( keys jingling )

( door opens and closes )

You've been sending the flowers?

They're lovely.

Please, Eleanor, I love you.

I can't.

You love him but
he doesn't love you.

It wouldn't matter.

He's just filling you with lies.

He has no feelings for you.

He's done it with others.

Look, I know how you feel,

but I can't change
the way I feel.

What are you doing?

If I can't share your love...

( Eleanor screams )

Jennifer: Oh, I remember her.

Did you ever see her perform?

Jonathan: Yes. I saw her

in Pygmalion about 10 years ago.

It was a few years
before she died.

Oh.

She certainly was
beautiful, wasn't she?

Eleanor, must you die again?

Jonathan: On the St. Louis team,

we have... who's on first,

what's on second,

I don't know what's on third.

Well then, who's playing first?

Yes.

I mean the fellow's
name on first base.

"Who".

The fellow playing
first base for St. Louis?

"Who".

The guy on first base.

"Who" is on first.

What are you asking me for?

Here you are, folks,
a little fortification.

Thanks, Max.

I didn't realize

that comedy could
make you so thirsty.

What do you think
about our routine?

I'm sorry, Mrs. H,

I wasn't paying attention.

What were you doing?

Who's on first?

I don't know.

He's on third.

Oh, who's on first?

Yes.

Yeah. Sure. Who's on first?

That's right.

Come on, Mrs. H,

what's the name of
the guy on first base?

No, "What" is on second.

Who?

Both: He's on first.

Yeah. Sure.

And I say LA makes you crazy.

( both laugh )

Woman: Elliot.

Elliot.

I love you, Elliot.

I love you.

Elliot.

( knocks )

Coming.

Oh, Elliot, come on in.

Ah, coed dressing rooms, huh?

( both laugh )

Better make sure management

doesn't find out.

Elliot, anything wrong?

You don't look too well.

What's worse,

is that I look
better than I feel.

The finale is coming
along just great.

Everything is gonna be fine.

Sure, if I can just
survive this theater.

I am starting to hear things.

You know that there
are a lot of people

who think that
Eleanor killed herself

because of me?

I don't think that...

You don't have to say anything

because I don't
feel responsible.

I mean, I guess

it's just all catching
up, that's all.

Eleanor thought

that she was in
love with me, okay?

- Was she?
- No.

She was an actress.

She was passionate
for the moment.

It was an infatuation

and I was trying
to be supportive.

I was just giving her strokes
all of what I was doing,

my feelings were
perfectly professional.

Just my luck, huh?

Old ghosts.

And that's all they
are, Elliot, ghosts.

But as far as luck is concerned,

we're not gonna have any

if we don't go
upstairs and rehearse.

Oh, and thank you
for the flowers, Elliot.

They're beautiful.

That was very
nice of you, Elliot.

It really brightened up her day.

Well, I'm really
glad to hear that.

There's only one hitch.

I didn't send them.

( music playing )

( actors vocalizing )

♪ And tell me what street ♪

♪ Compares with
Mott Street in July ♪

Both: ♪ Sweet pushcarts
gently gliding by ♪

♪ The great big city
is a wondrous toy ♪

♪ Just made for a girl and boy ♪

♪ We'll turn Manhattan ♪

♪ Into an isle of joy ♪

All right. All right.

Please stop.

Stop.

I confess, Raquel my darling,

my dear heart,

this is supposed to
be singing and dancing,

not burlesque.

I am singing and dancing.

You call that
singing and dancing?

Singing is done with the voice,

dancing done with the feet.

- Raquel: Very funny.
- Funny.

Raquel: I'll have you know
I studied professionally.

I have five years of
improvisational dance.

You should get five years for
your improvisational dancing.

Raquel: I don't
have to listen to this.

- No, you don't.
- I don't have to take this.

- No, you don't.
- Raquel: I can go where

- I'm appreciated.
- Go, go.

And find yourself a runway.

- Elliot.
- What?

This is a charity performance.

I don't care what it is.

It's supposed to be done...

Don't you think you're getting

a little carried away?

I wish somebody
would carry me away

because I don't know
what the hell I'm doing here

trying to make
you all look good.

You're hopeless,
you're amateurs.

I'm gonna go home, I'm
gonna get myself a drink,

and then I'll kill myself.

Well, that's just
a little blowout.

He probably won't even
make it out of the theatre.

Why don't we call
it quits for tonight

and we'll all get together

in the morning, all right?

- Sounds good.
- Good night, girls.

- See you fellas.
- All: Good night, thanks.

- Man: Good night, Mark.
- Man: See you, Don.

Woman: Good night.

Well, I thought you
handled it very well.

Thanks, but Raquel

was taking most of the fire.

Elliot's fire?

It's all done with mirrors.

I'm sure the two of
them will both be back.

Yeah, I think so.

I'm going to talk to Elliot.

He's right down the hall.

I'll pick you up
in a few minutes.

Okay.

Eleanor, you know,

I think you ought to
change your perfume.

Lavender is a bit passé.

Jonathan!

Darling?

What is it?

I think these ghost stories

are getting to me.

I just thought I saw
Eleanor Macklin's face

staring back at
me in that mirror.

What is this, catching?

It's too bizarre.

Maybe we ought to
just go out to dinner

and get out of this
theatre for a minute.

I think that's a great idea.

And I tell you what,
something more bizarre...

I'll pay for dinner.

That is bizarre.

Elliot: Oh, my
God. Please, stop it.

I confess, oh, Raquel
my dear, dear heart,

you know this is supposed
to be singing and dancing

not burlesque.

Raquel: I am
singing and dancing.

Elliot: No, my dear.

Singing is done with the voice,

dancing is done with the feet.

- Raquel: Very funny.
- Elliot: Funny.

Raquel: I'll have you known
I studied professionally.

I have five years of
improvisational dance.

Elliot: You should
get five years

for your
improvisational dancing.

Raquel: I don't
have to listen to this.

- Elliot: No. You don't.
- Raquel: I don't have

to take this. I can go
where I'm appreciated.

Elliot: Go, go.

Go and find yourself a runway.

- Jonathan: Elliot.
- Elliot: What?

Jonathan: This is a
charity performance.

Elliot: I know what it is but...

I wish somebody
would carry me away.

I don't know what
the hell I'm doing here

trying to make you all look good

because you're amateurs.

You're all hopeless.
I'm gonna go home,

I'm gonna get myself a drink,

then I'll kill myself.

It's already been
arranged, Elliot.

Elliot: Somehow,
you all look better

now that I'm on the stage.

( laughing )

Well, I guess this
is what we call

a failsafe point, folks.

Tomorrow night
is dress rehearsal

and if you don't fail,
then I will be safe.

( laughing )

Actually, you've all
taken a lot of flak from me

and that alone shows

what good stuff you're made of.

And you're a very
good company too.

Anyway, I think

that you have
really been terrific

and I think you
all really should be

very proud of yourself for...

( electrical buzzing )

( shouting )

Get that circuit breaker.

( screaming )

( indistinct chatter )

Jonathan?

Somebody better
call an ambulance.

More flowers?

Hey, listen, is there nothing
gonna be left for my funeral?

You're supposed to save
up for the finale, nurse.

Elliot, you should be happy

that people are
concerned about you.

Sure, producers,
backers, and actors.

Please, tell everybody I'm fine.

You weren't so fine last night.

Well, I heal quickly,
I'm a director.

Which reminds me,

Jonathan, somebody
has to step in

and get this show
off the ground.

Why did you start
that last sentence

with my name?

Because you are the
perfect man for the job.

I heard how well you
handled everybody

after my little
outburst the other day.

The last thing that I directed

was a tourist who was
headed for Rockefeller Center.

Elliot: Who's talking
about directing?

To direct, you need
extraordinary talent.

You supervise.

You flatter Raquel,
things like that.

The show's got its own momentum.

It'll fly.

That's what they said
about the Spruce Goose.

And it got off the
ground, didn't it?

Yeah. It got off the ground.

Elliot: Yeah. Look,

what you have to do
is you have to nod a lot

and say things
like terrific and ciao.

Now you got the trade secret.

And please don't argue
with me, I'm not well.

You're the director.

( scoffs )

You take care
of yourself, Elliot.

Thank you.

- Take it easy.
- Yes. And if I vanish,

please, tell somebody

look for me behind
the flower pots.

( laughing )

Raquel: ♪ And as for me ♪

♪ And as for me ♪

♪ I made my mind up ♪

♪ Back in Chelsea ♪

♪ When I go ♪

♪ I'm going ♪

♪ Like Elsie ♪

Can't you get that right?

Amateurs!

Can't we have some
professionals around here?

If no one can play the music

then maybe we
ought to forget it.

Raquel.

Raquel, I need your help.

These people don't
have your experience,

your talent,

so would you help
me set an example?

Raquel: Well, maybe I
could take it from the top.

Let them think
that... they're helping.

Look.

It's just a little flat note.

I know how sloppy
my charts can be.

Now, that's the pro speaking.

Would you try to
get it right this time?

♪ And as for me ♪

♪ And as for me ♪

You certainly know

how to handle
temperamental talent.

- I'm used to it.
- Raquel: Would you like

- to take that over again?
- Oh?

You better get
ready for the finale.

Okay.

I owe you one.

Raquel: ♪ And as for me ♪

♪ I made my mind up ♪

♪ Back in Chelsea when ♪

I'll go over a few of my notes

and I'll meet you in the lobby.

Okay.

Mr. Perry?

( Raquel singing )

Oh, I... oh, I just
wanted to wish you luck

before your opening
tomorrow night.

Oh.

Well, that's very
kind of you, thank you.

This used to be
Eleanor's dressing room.

Oh, yes, yes.

I've been made very
well aware of that.

I knew her.

Jennifer: You did?

It was a terrible tragedy.

Oh, Mr. Perry, I don't
wanna seem abrupt

but I do have to change.

Mrs. Hart,

maybe later,

if you're not too busy, I mean.

I have a collection,

a few memories of Eleanor.

And I thought if
you were interested,

well, maybe after the rehearsal,

well, I could make
you a cup of tea

and I could show
you my collection.

Oh, that would be lovely.

The only thing is
that I'm exhausted

and I know my husband is

and he expects that
we'll be going home

straight after the rehearsal.

Maybe another time.

You have things to do.

I shouldn't have
bothered you, Mrs. Hart.

Oh, it's no bother.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Why don't we stop
playing these games?

Where are you?

Better yet, who are you?

( grunts )

Just a quiet theater mouse.

All right, Eleanor,

I hope you have a nice evening

because I'm going home.

Is anybody there?

Hello?

Jennifer: Jonathan?

( music playing )

Mr. Perry, what's going on?

Hello.

Where's Mr. Perry?

There is no Mr. Perry.

My husband is waiting for me.

Husband?

You're so beautiful, Eleanor.

I'm not Eleanor.

Eleanor is dead.

I know.

I was just an assistant
stage manager.

I wasn't good enough.

And you had to have him

and he didn't love you.

When you smile, all
my pain goes away.

I want you to smile.

Just for me.

You know, I've missed you

and I've got a surprise for you.

( alarm beeping )

Come on, let me show you.

Now.

Do you like the flowers?

They're your favorite.

I think it's finally
time to celebrate.

You cut it.

Look.

I'm not Eleanor, really.

She is dead.

You still love him, don't you?

( Jonathan and Jennifer
singing on recording )

Jonathan and Jennifer: ♪
We would sail up the avenue ♪

♪ But we haven't got a yacht ♪

♪ We would drive up the avenue ♪

♪ But the horse
we had was shot ♪

♪ We would ride on a trolley ♪

♪ But we haven't got a fare ♪

♪ So, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk
up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk
up the avenue ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

Jennifer: Why won't
you believe me?

Perry: Why?

Why, Eleanor?

Am I so repulsive?

Am I so horrible?

Maybe you can't love me,

but why can't you
let me love you?

All right.

I have been thinking
about you all these years.

Liar.

( grunting )

He's deceiving you.

No. Don't. Don't.

You need help.

I can help you.

I need you, but
I can't have you.

I just wanted to love you.

( screams )

( music playing )

( applause )

( music playing )

Both: ♪ We'll have Manhattan ♪

♪ the Bronx and
Staten Island too ♪

♪ It's lovely going through ♪

♪ The zoo ♪

♪ It's very fancy ♪

♪ On old Delancy
Street, you know ♪

♪ The subway charms us so ♪

♪ When balmy breezes blow ♪

♪ To and fro ♪

♪ And tell me what street ♪

♪ Compares with
Mott Street in July ♪

♪ Sweet pushcarts ♪

♪ Gently gliding by ♪

♪ The great big
city's a wondrous toy ♪

♪ Just made for a girl and boy ♪

All: ♪ We'll turn Manhattan
into an isle of joy ♪

( tapping )

( music playing )

♪ And tell me what street ♪

♪ Compares with
Mott Street in July ♪

All: ♪ Sweet pushcarts ♪

♪ Gently gliding by ♪

♪ The great big
city's a wondrous toy ♪

♪ Just made for a girl and boy ♪

♪ We'll turn Manhattan ♪

♪ Into an isle ♪

♪ Of joy ♪

( applause )

Hey, you're pretty good

when the lights are on you.

I'm even better
when the lights are off.

Mmm.

( applause )

( theme music playing )