Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 5, Episode 1 - Two Harts Are Better Than One - full transcript

( music playing )

Max: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them,

which ain't easy
because when they met,

it was murder.

( music playing )

( music playing )

Max: Hey, look over
there, who are they?

They're the Blues and
Royals on their way to Whitehall

for the changing of the guard.

They needn't change
on our account.

I've been looking forward
to London for ages.

Buckingham Palace, Parliament,

the pubs, the serving wenches.

Max, the serving wenches
went out with Shakespeare.

Well, maybe one of
them will go out with me.

Look, you two get to
London all the time,

but I haven't been
here since the trip

when you two first
met. Remember?

Oh, yeah, that was great.

Great? I don't think it was
so great when we first met.


Oh, yeah.

Now, I remember.

( music playing )

MAX: Here you are. Thanks.

Here are your latest
phone messages.

Oh, thanks, Max.

I'm going to lie down
for a few minutes.

My inner clock is on LA time.

London Dispatch,
The London Times.

Since when have I
become so important

with the Fourth Estate?

Jennifer Edwards, London Harold,

Jennifer Edwards,
Jennifer Edwards,

London Harold, Jennifer Edwards.

Who is that?

She's some American writer
who's working over here.

She won't take no for an answer.

( phone ringing )

( sighs )

Mr. Hart's suite.

Just a second, please.

It's her.

Huh? Jennifer Edwards.


She's persistent, isn't she?

You take care of her
for me, will you, Max?

No, I'm sorry, Mr. Hart
doesn't give interviews

and he's in London
just for holiday.

Oh, now look, sir, the
London banking scene

is crawling with rumors about
what Mr. Hart is doing here.

Now, I know he
doesn't know my work

but please believe me,

I would never print
anything unfavorable.

Now, look I'm just
across the street.

Why don't you let me
come up for five minutes

and talk to him, huh?


You got to treat this old
newspaper dames rough.

Max, I think 4:00
tea is becoming 5:00.

- I'll fix you a gin.
- Thanks.

( phone ringing )

Mr. Hart's suite.

Hello, this is Mrs. Banks,

the assistant manager,

I'm terribly sorry to bother you

but I'm awfully afraid
there's been a leak

in the bathroom
of the floor above.

Would you mind
awfully if we came

to your suite to
check for damages?

Well, I haven't notice any
damage but if you want to,

you can come up and look.

Oh, that's awfully good of you.

Thank you so much.

What's that all about?

Some lady assistant manager.

She says the bathtub
above has sprung a leak.

Max, this is the
penthouse, right?


This is the top floor.


There can't be a leak
from a bathtub up there.

Unless the lady
assistant manager is a...


Maybe she's that snoopy
Jennifer... what's her name?

- Edwards.
- Right.

I'm not gonna get any rest here.

You know that?

I'm gonna go down to the bar

and I'm gonna be
with my own thoughts,

my own feelings

and I'm gonna order
myself a Manhattan.

And you better take a raincoat.

In the bar?

This is London, you never know.

( knocks )

MAX: Are you the
lady about the leak?


There are no
leaks in this suite,

water or otherwise.

Good day.


You're all heart, Mr. Hart.

( music playing )

- Daryl.
- What's up?


( music playing )

BILL: Ma'am.

A double vodka
martini, straight up.

Rough day?


Are you an American?

Yes, hmm.

I'm an American, too.

Huh. Small world.

Excuse me, Mr. Hart,

there's a reporter
on the telephone,

he wants to know
whether you're in the bar.

You can tell him that I am

not only not in the bar

but as far as you know,
I'm not even in the hotel

and that goes for any
journalist that may call

especially a woman
called Jennifer Edwards.

Joe: I'll handle it, Mr. Hart.

Thanks very much, Joe.

The press.

- The press?
- Uh-hmm.

Forgive me. Are you famous?

Oh, there, you're an actor.

No, I'm a... businessman.

Oh, oh.

But the press around here,

I seemed to be the hottest thing

that's happened since
the Watergate break in.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Why won't they just
leave some people alone?

That Jennifer
Edwards, very pushy.

I know just the type.

She's probably a chain
smoking, love starved,

matron who peeps from
keyholes to get a story.


She even came here and
broke into my apartment.

And said that there
was a leak coming

from the top floor not knowing

that my apartment
was on the top floor.

( laughs )

What a nitwit.

Are you waiting for someone?

Yes, as a matter of fact I was,

but apparently
I've been stood up.

Let me ask you a question.


Would you consider having dinner

with a complete stranger?

The London by night tour.

A great sight to see.

Well, then I suppose
I shouldn't miss it.

Jonathan Hart.

Louise Tobin.

Shall we, Louise?

Whatever you say, Jon.


Oh, I'm sorry.


Will you take care
of it for me, Joe?

Thank you, sir.

( music playing )

Man: Seven pound exactly, sir.

Thank you very much.

Did you give him a good tip?

Sister Kate,

first race tomorrow, absolutely.

Who's riding?

He is. We're walking.


( music playing )

Wait a minute.


This is so nice.

Look at the pretty flowers.

Look at this.


Oh, the bedroom.

Somebody thought of everything.

That's the British for you.

With a little help from you?


I'd love it.

That non-stop flight from
Los Angeles to London.

Really, it's too
much, the jet lag is...

I'm sorry.

Oh, can you help me open this?

Of course, it would
be my pleasure.

Allow me.

( laughs )

What's so funny?

Well, you wouldn't
know about this,

but the reason that those

reporters are hounding
me... Uh-hmm.

Is because me, I'm
helping the British.

- Hmm. You.
- Uh-hmm.

Kingsford Motors and me.

But don't say a word.

My lips are sealed.

To the British.

To Max.

Kingsford Motors.

Don't they make cars?

They won't be much longer.

If their cash flow

doesn't change immediately.

Oh, I get it, hands
across the sea.

Dollars across the sea.


See, I'm in a
position that... it's so...

so... complicated...
and it's so technical.

So, complicated

and so nice.

( music playing )

I must have drunk a
lot more than I thought.

One good turn.

So very, very nice.

Operator, could I please
have the telephone number

of Brooks Kerr at 27
Elsworthy Mews SW7,

yes, I'll wait.

3667? Thank you very much.

( phone ringing )


Brooks. Jennifer.

Listen, I have a lead

on the Jonathan Hart story.

Jennifer, that's smashing.
Give me everything.

Oh, no, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

I don't have all the details.
I only had dinner with him.

But listen, there
is a story here

except I have to check it
out with Kingsford Motors.

Kingsford Motors?

That's right.

Hart is here to bail them out.

But that's front page stuff.

You're incredible.

Oh, thank you, Brooks.

Now, listen, you have to promise
me you won't print a single word

until I check
everything out, promise?

The Herald can't sit on
a thing like this forever,

but all right,

until you've got
it all sorted out,

I won't print anything.

But tell me, how
did you get the story?

Let's just say that

us chain smoking,
love starved matrons

know how to pick
through keyholes.

Good night, Brooks.

( music playing )


Yes, who is it?

Man: A delivery from
Jennifer Edwards.

Oh, good. Coming, just a minute.

- Good evening, come in.
- Good evening.

It's about Jonathan
Hart's story, Mr. Kerr.

She has given you the copy.

Well, not quite.

I want to hear the story.

But she didn't have the facts.


The man is going
to give you the facts,

and we want it printed in
your early morning edition.

One might say your
life depends on it.

( music playing )

Morning, Mr. H.

Late night, huh?

You had company.

I see it all went well.

It did.


I guess it did.

Well, she left you a
rose, it couldn't be bad.

Well, maybe the
memory of last night

will cushion this.
Get a load of this.

American business executive here

to give Kingsford
Motors a hand out,

exclusive by Jennifer Edwards.

Let me see that.

An American business
executive is here

to give Kingsford Motors

a much needed hand out.

I didn't give her
that interview.

An exclusive interview
with self-made millionaire

and self-appointment
savior of the British industry,

Jonathan Hart, our
reported persuaded him.

I didn't even talk
to this woman.

She never set foot in
the door, Mr. H, I swear.

If I were you I'd sue the bum.

I'll murder this Jennifer
Edwards when I see her,

I'm telling you. I'm
gonna murder her.

Good morning, Louise. Get
the newspaper on the phone.

Max: I will, boss.

Good morning.

English muffins.

How did you find them?

Don't you remember?

Last night I told I
knew this great baker.

They imported them all
the way from America.

About last night.


- Come on in.
- Oh.

Thanks very much for the rose.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

We did have a lovely evening.

We did?


Oh, I'm so pleased.

- You are?
- Yes.

Jonathan, is there
anything wrong?

- Wrong?
- Yes.

Wrong. Yeah, there
is something wrong.

Do you remember that reporter
I was trying to dodge last night?

Well, she got wind of my meeting
with Kingsford Motors, look.

What? That's impossible.

I mean, you are so careful.

How could this have happened?

Well, any luck?

Jennifer Edward isn't there

and the editor
hasn't shown up yet.

Jonathan: Louise Tobin,
Max, Max, Louise Tobin.

How do you do?

A pleasure.

Jonathan, I don't
know Jennifer Edwards

but I understand

that she's a very
reputable journalist.

Maybe there's been some mistake.

A mistake?

Well, look, she makes me out

to be a greedy interloper.

That's not the problem.

The big problem is
that if Sir Richards,

board of directors,
gets frightened,

that means that the
merger may not be secured,

and if that happens that means

that Kingsford Motors
may go bankrupt.

That is the big problem.

( phone ringing )

- Yeah.
- Mr. Hart's suite.

Just a minute, please.

Sir Richard
Willsteed's secretary.

Well, we know
what paper he reads.

Tell him I'll get
back to him later.

I'm sorry but Mr. Hart is out.

I'll leave the message
that you called.

Thank you.

I guess our
shopping trip us out.

Yeah, I guess it is
out because I've got

to get over the bad paper.

Oh, listen, I know
where that paper is,

maybe I can show you a shortcut

if you don't mind the company.

Oh, I love to have your company.

I'll take a shower
and be right back.


I'll call the car.

I'm sorry.

Don't be. It's certainly
not your fault, Louise.

( music playing )

Good morning, Mr. Thompson.

Lovely morning, isn't it?

You're quite right, sir.

Jonathan Hart did
come over here to help

at Kingsford Motors.

Would you like to have a look?

Good show.

Well, my spies at
Kingsford sensed

something was up and
it seems you took care

of the rest.

10,000 pounds.

It's all there, I'm
unscrupulously honest.

Do you think this headline
will alter Hart's plans?

Charles: British sentiment views

Hart as some meddling
cutthroat outsider,

and the Kingsford board
will turn down his offer to help.

Unfortunately this
will bury Kingsford.

When Kingsford goes under
your automobile company

will be number one in
Great Britain, Mr. Thompson.

It will also turned Mr. Thompson
into Sir Charles Thompson.

The Crown's award for
superior achievement.

I'm glad you ask, Sir Charles.

You know, the Americans
have an expression,

winning isn't everything,
it's the only thing.

The Americans have a way
of expressing themselves,

it's so... American.

Just look at the bloody tower,

almost a thousand years old

and what lovely
memories she holds.

Sir Walter Raleigh,
the Earl of Essex,

- Thomas Moore.
- They used to live here?

They were all beheaded here.

Just keep on top of the
Hart situation, won't you?

( music playing )

Jennifer: Hey, listen,
it's almost lunch time,

anybody feels like
stopping for steak

and kidney pie before
we go to the paper?

I've got to get to
The Harold, Louise,

I don't have time, but thanks.

Oh, well, look, you don't
need me to go to the paper.

I'm starving, so
why don't you just

let me off over there and
I'll grab a meal on my own?

Oh, no, no, no, I
can't let you eat alone.

We'll find some place close.

Max, find some place close.


Beautiful isn't it?

Would you mind if I
freshened up a minute?

No, I think I'll do
the same thing.

( crowd chattering )

Jennifer Edwards, please.

This is Jennifer Edwards,
Brooks Kerr, please.

Woman: Sorry,
she's not on her desk.

And her editor's not in.
He's probably at home.

Do you have an address on him?

Thank you. I'll
check him at home.

Thank you.

Did you see our waitress yet?


You know, I don't
know what it is

but suddenly I don't
feel hungry anymore.

Oh, isn't that funny,
I feel the same way.

Really? But why don't
we take a rain check?

May I drop you somewhere?

Oh, no, no, no.

I've taken you way
out of your way as it is.


27 Elsworthy Mews.

Man: All right, miss.

Max, 27 Elsworthy Mews.

Elsworthy Mews, where is that?

We'll find it.

95p, miss.

- Keep the change.
- Thank you.





Asleep on the job?

That is no way to
make a deadline.



Oh, Brooks, oh, oh.

He's dead.

If he is Brooks,
that makes you...

Jennifer Edwards.

And quite possibly, a murderer.

Wait, where are we going?

To call the police.

But Jonathan, I can
explain everything.

You can explain
it to Scotland Yard.

What? Scotland Yard?

But Jonathan, just give
me five minutes to explain.

Five minutes?

You've got four minutes
and fifty seconds.

All right. All right.

I did call Brooks last night.

I told him I had
a lead on a story.

But I made him promise
me not to print anything

until I checked
it out. He agreed.

Four minutes.

All I told him was that
we had dinner together.

You didn't tell him the rest?

What rest?

About the rose on the pillow.

I left it there last night.

You didn't leave that
there this morning?

You fell asleep.

I fell asleep making love?

We didn't make love.

We didn't make love.

Two minutes.

Oh, Jonathan, you
got to believe me,

I did not write that story.

You were the only one
that had the information.

( gun shot )

If there is an
explanation for this,

I hope I live long
enough to hear it.

( music playing )

Drive it, Max.

- Okay. Mr. H.
- Go.

( music playing )

What's going on, Louise?

She's not Louise,

her name is Jennifer Edwards.

You're Jennifer Edwards?

You stupid!

- Watch it, Max.
- I'm watching it.

What the hell is going on?

Someone's trying to kill me.

- Jeez.
- Kill you? Kill you?

Suppose someone's
trying to kill me

for writing that story.

I thought you said you
didn't write that story.

I didn't write the story.

Jonathan: Let's get
the police to follow us.

( horn honking )

We've got them.

( siren wailing )

Max, keep your
eye on the mirror.

When you lose them, pull over.

What are we doing?

We're going to get out.

Max, will be the bait.

( siren wailing )

Pull over.

Well, I suppose
I'm indebted to you

for the rest of my life.

A simple thanks will do.

You can save it,
it's not over yet.


( engine running )

How is your broad jump?

I guess we're going to find out.

You're pretty good.

You're not too bad yourself.

Charles: If I'd wanted someone
to shoot them, Mr. Bowlly,

I'd have hired a gorilla.

You wanted Hart to
not to sign those papers,

he couldn't sign
them if he was dead.

A point which I
suppose is irrefutable,

however, I'd have to warn you

that Jonathan
Hart is not so easily

eliminated and if he were to be,

his absence would create
in even greater problem.

And you've got until 5:00.

If he signs those papers,

you can flush your
knighthood down the toilet.

What a charming image,

however, if the sun
rises on yet another

jolly day and Mr. Hart
has failed to sign,

Kingsford will
lose their financing.

The banks will call their
loans first thing in the morning.

- What are you thinking?
- Thinking?

Oh, I see you're
familiar with that word.

But I'm thinking we
need to delay Mr. Hart

and knowing his
position for the fairer sex,

he'd be hard pressed
to avoid saving

a damsel in distress.

I don't follow you.

Cherchez la femme, Mr. Bowlly.

If it's a case of saving
that Edwards girl,

I'm sure Mr. Hart
will see the light.

But we don't have her.

The Americans have a
very quaint expression,

"When the going gets
tough, the tough get going,"

get going, and get
Jennifer Edwards.

Jennifer: Would you have turned
me in if you had the chance?

I never had the chance.

We'll maybe you've
come to your senses

and you realized that I
was telling you the truth.

That's not quite right.

I am telling you the truth.

You lied to me once before.


When you tried to
make me believe

that we spent
the night together.

Why did you that?

I'm listening. I'm listening.

Because I... wanted
to see you again

and because I wanted
to finish the story.

The story?

You asked me. I don't lie.

The rose was a nice touch.

Thank you.

You still haven't
answered my question.

Why I didn't turn you in?


Because I like your eyes.

You do?

Yes, I do.

And you believe me?

I didn't say that, I
said I liked your eyes.

But in your heart
you know it's true.

I didn't say that either.

Oh, Jonathan, tell
me you believe me.

I believe you.

I believe you the
way you speak to me,


Man: Bradford Pier Terminal,

I hope you enjoyed
your trip, thank you.

What are we going to do?

We can't just keep
cruising the Thames.

We're going to Scotland Yard.

Scot... I thought you
said you believe me.

I do, sort of.

What do I have to
do to convince you?

I'll think of something,
but in the meantime

we're going to go
to Scotland Yard

because if somebody's
trying to kill me and you,

then we're going to get
the proper protection.

Well, that is a very,
very good idea.

Flattery will get
you everything.

- Mr. Hart?
- Yes?



Don't make a foolish
move, not a word.

( music playing )


The Thames.

The Thames.

Not time to go
swimming the Thames.

( ship horn blows )

Where you been, Mr. H?

Max, take the
phone off the hook.

I already got the
phone off the hook.

I'm talking to you.

After you talk to me.

Take the phone off the hook.

Okay. Mr. H, I understand.

Now what did
you call to tell me?

To take the phone off the hook.

He hasn't been normal
since he met that dame.

The Tower of London,
Ms. Edwards, Traitors' Gate.

You have some medieval
torture in line for me?

No, I have a modern
weapon, a gun,

pointed at your back.

It might go off so
behave yourself.

Mr. Thompson,
this is Ms. Edwards.

Oh, yes, the young lady
with the nose for news.

So lovely, too. I'm
Charles Thompson.

The Charles Thompson?

Soon to be Sir Charles Thompson,

thanks to you.

Well, Mr. Thompson I'd
say you had a unique way

of attaining your knighthood.

It's all in the outcome
Ms. Edwards,

not in the manner in
which it was achieved.

You know, I'm rather
surprised by your attitude.

After all, I'm only
applying the tried

and true American philosophy.

What's that?

Well as you can see I'm
undoubtedly number two.

I am merely trying harder.

Now let me show
you The Bloody Tower.

What an imposing edifice.

( knocking on door )

Oh, Max.

Mr. H, is it raining?

Only on me Max, only on me.

Mr. H, I've kept the phone
off the hook, but why?

Good. Why? Because
I have a feeling

that Kingsford Motors...

Someone is going to
put them out of business,

and any minute, someone
is going to call on that phone

and ask me to sign the papers

and if I don't they're
going to hurt Jennifer.

Hurt Jennifer, but
what is Ms. Edwards

going to do with that?

If they don't call,

they can't deliver the message.

I thought you didn't like her.

I do like her. I do like her.

Now, keep the
phone off the hook.

And now, you stay up
here and watch the suite.

I'm going to go downstairs and
keep my eye on the lobby, okay?

Okay. But first
dry yourself off.

I realized. Okay. Okay.

Charles: Did you know
that Lady Jane Grey

was beheaded here in 1554?


Those were the old good days.


Jonathan Hart, lady
in distress, hmm?


The tower held
some lovely prisoners,

but none as lovely as you.

For Mr. Hart.

Mr. Hart.


Did you know, Sir Walter
Raleigh was confined here

for 13 years before.

Ah, the gentle Mr. Bowlly,

I take it you managed to deliver

the message without
shooting anyone?

It's all done.

Charles: Well, you've
done splendid, Bowlly,

exactly what I hired you for.

A trifle heavy handed
perhaps... Bowlly!

( music playing )

Good heavens.

Okay. Charlie boy
I think you've had it.



You got to watch that
last step, it's murder.

I am not withholding
any information, inspector.

I am a newspaper
person and I simply

am not revealing my sources.

I represent...

She's quite a
scrapper, isn't she?

She sure is. But Mr. H,

if you don't get to
Kingsford Motors

in time to sign the papers,

the deal with collapse.

I can't leave now.

I may never see her again.

I got an idea. You
may not like it but...

Jennifer: I don't
have it in my car

but you can check with
my bureau in New York City.

I can't do that.

Try it.

Oh, this gentleman knows me.

Inspector, did you check
this woman's identity?

I don't think she is
who she said she is.

She's been running around
London using an assumed name.


She was witness
to a murder today.

I bet she didn't
tell you about that?

No, she didn't, sir.

You rat. I'll get you for this.

Now that's the kind of
thing I'm talking about.

Threats like that,
do you understand?

Yes, sir. Okay. Miss,
I'm afraid you'll have

to come with us
down to the Yard.

- What?
- Thank you, Mr. Hart.

Wait a minute. No, but...
I... I'm not... I'm innocent.

I... I'll never
speak to you again.

Let's go, Miss.

( music playing )

Who are you Jonathan?

I thought you were a
nice man but you're a heel!

( indistinct )

You think that worked?

( music playing )

Kingsford Motors
saved by American,

read all about it.

Jonathan: What's
the news on Jennifer?

I checked with the paper.

She's leaving for New
York this afternoon.

Oh, what plane?

2:00. Now, Mr. H,
I'm afraid you're going

to handle this on your own.

Max, we got to find her.

Congratulations, Mr. Hart.

I just heard the news
about Kingsford Motors.

Thanks very much.

Stopping her is
easier said than done.

The only way she's
going to talk to you

is if she's in handcuffs.

She's not going to talk to me.

Well, she ain't
going to talk to me

because I talked to you.

Is there a problem Mr. Hart?


You're all set for New
York, Ms. Edwards, gate 33.

Thank you.

- Ms. Jennifer Edwards.
- Yes.

I'm Inspector Hatchman
Rider, Scotland Yard.

I'm afraid you're
needed for questioning.


But I already answered
all the questions.

I was released an hour ago.

Regrettably, we thought
of some more questions.

I have a plane to catch.

We won't delay you
long, I assure you.

If you'd like to come this way.

This isn't Scotland Yard.

Uh-hmm. And I'm
not an inspector.


Would you mind
getting out of the car?

I want to talk to
you for just a minute.

Well, I don't want
to talk to you.

For just one minute,
would you please get out

of the car so I can talk
to you and you'll never

have to see me again in
your life if you don't want to?

One minute?

One minute.

You have 50 seconds left.

Turn around.



Turn around.

( music playing )

You're crazy.

About you.

After all the trouble
we've been through,

you want to marry me?

Oh, I'm sure we won't get
into trouble on a weekly basis.


you live in Los Angeles

and I have an
apartment in New York.

I don't want your
apartment, I want you.

All my clothes are in New York.

They have nice
clothes in Los Angeles.

What am I going
to tell my father?

Tell him someone loves you

and you're getting married.

Flowers for the lady?


Have you ever been
to New York City?

Max, take us once
around the park.

I sure will, Mr. H.

And they lived
happily ever after.

( music playing )

You know, I knew you
were in love with me.

- You did?
- Uh-hmm.

When did you first know?

From the moment that you
left the rose on the pillow.

Oh, very good.

You guys had it easy.

You know how
much that wig itched?

It was murder.

And it still is.

(music playing )

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