Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 4, Episode 16 - Bahama Bound Harts - full transcript
Man: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
I only had the pleasure of
meeting Loring Nichols once
and that was on a train
between Boston and New York.
Yeah, we just bumped
into each other,
and I told him an
idea I had, and he said,
"Kid, I like that."
- You want that, too?
- And he wrote me a check
for $50,000.
- I love that story.
- I like it, too.
- Gin.
- Gin?
All right, senator, we'll
see you down there.
- Bye-bye.
- How's the senator?
Well, the senator's doing great.
He said he wouldn't
miss this party
for all the bol weevils
on his side of the aisle.
Army Archerd's column
says, "the whole who's who
of the celebrity world is
gonna be at this shindig.
I don't get this guy,
Nichols. He's a hermit.
Why should he
throwing a big bash?
It's not just a party, Max.
It's the opening
of his new resort.
A lot of people
think this guy's dead.
Well, he is a recluse.
I'll say.
He hasn't even been seen in
public for almost seven years.
You know, I'm sort
of sorry I won't be able
to have a chance to
meet this character.
Maybe we could sneak him in.
- Yeah.
- No, no, no! That's all right.
You just drop
me off in Freeport.
I got a lucky table
waiting for me there,
not to mention a lucky lady.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you gonna play?
Certainly.
Gin.
Gin?!
Yeah.
( classical music playing )
Morning, Mr. Nichols,
feeling better are we
this morning, hmm?
Oh, I always feel better
before you show up.
You're like one of those
damn hospital nurses.
I'm feeling pretty good,
and then all of a sudden
they come by with their
needles and thermometers.
Take that damn thing away.
Now you know it's a good idea
to keep a check on your pulse.
Why? You did it yesterday.
What do you want to find out?
I've been from here to
the bedroom and back.
How much stress
is there in that?
Mr. Nichols, are you giving
the doctor a hard time?
Oh, Victoria, would you
take this quack away?
Oh, aren't you
being a bit unfair?
I didn't get to be one
of the richest men
in the world being fair.
Yes, but hasn't Dr. Barber
made lots of pains go away?
Yeah, and everything else.
Which would you
prefer... Pain or euphoria?
Oh, you better use this arm.
The other one's a pin cushion.
( sighs ) Victoria, what
would I do without you?
Probably scold somebody else.
I've got some papers here
that need your signature.
Oh, I can taste
that one already.
What kind of papers?
Routine, mostly to do
with the hotel... proposals.
These glasses are
obsol... Obsolete.
Well, as soon as
you're up and around,
we'll get you an examination.
Have the lawyers
looked at these papers?
Upside down and backwards.
There... all done.
He'll be out for at
least four hours.
I'll put your music
back on, Mr. Nichols.
( classic music plays )
Victoria: Well, now
that that's taken care of,
our plan should
proceed without a hitch.
I've got an hour to spare.
What are you up to?
Man: Flowers for the
lady, flowers for the lady.
Woman: How much are these?
Darling, did you realize the
Bahamas was the first place
that Christopher Columbus
set foot in the new world?
And he probably couldn't
find a decent hotel room.
Oh, that was Henri
de Beauchamp's job.
I thought he had a
restaurant in Beverly Hills?
- Henri de Beauchamp? He was a pirate.
- That's the one.
He has a restaurant
in Beverly Hills.
- He's a pirate.
- Come on.
I know, you've got to fill
me in on the local color.
Flowers, sir?
Flowers for the lady?
- Oh, look.
- Oh, thanks very much.
Here you are.
- Oh...
- There you go, darling.
Lovely, thank you, darling.
Isn't that a beautiful hotel?
It sure is.
They don't make
them like that anymore.
Jennifer: Henri de
Beauchamp built that hotel
as a wedding present
to his new bride.
Jonathan: How romantic.
He's a man after my own heart.
Well, he's no Loring Nichols,
but he certainly had his
heart in the right place.
Well, so is mine... My
heart in the right place,
right next to me.
I know.
Mr. and Mrs. Hart, greetings,
welcome to The Bahama Excelsior.
Well, did you
have a nice flight?
Very nice, thank you.
I'm Roger Tween, the director.
Jolly good day, isn't it?
Very jolly, Roger, my wife
was just saying the same thing.
Isn't this beautiful?
Yes, the old mansion's
been completely refurbished,
maintaining the original
architecture of course.
- Lovely.
- It's very quiet.
Well, we're not officially
open until next week.
The people here are
Mr. Nichol's special guests.
How is Mr. Nichols these days?
Frankly, we haven't
seen him since his arrival.
We're hoping he'll make
an exception in this instance.
Well, I certainly hope so.
Well, if you'd
like to freshen up,
we'll see you for
luncheon the veranda.
Thank you.
Mr. Tween.
( Caribbean music plays )
I had to come to town
and testify before my committee
about the wild
mustang situation.
Yes, we are.
I was very flattered that
they asked me to join them.
Well, knowing
you as well as I do,
you'll make a wonderful witness.
Does that mean we
have your vote, senator?
No fair lobbying
now on my own time.
I'm just here as as
a gentleman farmer.
- Yes.
- Oh, there's
Victoria Dickinson,
Loring Nichols' right-hand lady.
- Ah, Victoria, - Hello.
Honey, I read the article in
Fortune magazine about you,
and it was wonderful,
just wonderful.
- Well, thank you.
- You know Jonathan
and Jennifer Hart.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
I saw your article in
"Town And Country."
I must say, your profiles
fared far better than mine.
- Oh, well, thank you.
- Victoria's being modest
as well as charming.
When she was a junior assistant
in congressman
Bellwood's office,
I knew then and there that
this little lady would go far.
Now the senator from
the south is recognized
for a little cornpone himself.
Oh, excuse me, I see
Howard Cosell over there.
I want to go exchange
some statistics.
- Bye-bye, senator.
- Bye.
Have you everything you need?
Yes, thank you.
Is there any chance of
saying hello to Loring?
Well, it's wish to see
as many as possible.
He made up the
guest list himself,
those people from the past
he still holds a fondness for.
We're very pleased
that he included us.
Excuse me, I see
some new arrivals.
Of course.
Thank you.
She's a lot younger
than I imagined.
Mm...
Very powerful lady, the
woman behind the throne.
Look who's over there. Scotty?
Jennifer... hi. Jonathan.
- Scotty, how are ya?
- What are you doing here.
Not what, why?
We are about to hear my
learned colleague's latest theory.
Ah, not yet... but I will say
we're all here to bear witness.
To what?
Unh-unh, being the
scrupulous reporter that I am,
I'm not ready to liable
myself until I have all the facts.
But you do have
a sound suspicion?
Sound? ( laughs )
Funny you should say
that. Take a look around.
Well, it certainly
is the "A" group.
Impressive credentials.
What do you want to bet
not a person in this place
has had anything to
do with Loring Nichols
in the last four or five years?
Well, I haven't for ten
years, but what's your point?
Well, that's the story
for now. Film at 11:00.
Oh, come on, Scotty,
You can't leave us hanging.
Okay, look over there.
Jennifer: Laura Bishop.
The ex Mrs. Loring Nichols.
Yeah, and ex movie queen.
Nichols gave her up
along with the business.
She has an audience
with his nibs at 2:00.
Nichols has a
whole wing up there,
and he's guarded like
King Solomon's mine.
His domain is off-limits
unless you have the key.
Ah, and you are
looking for the key?
I already made my own.
You've been up there?
- Unofficially.
- You've talked to him?
Soon.
And if my theory is correct,
I could have the biggest
scoop since Richard Nixon
left his footprint in his mouth.
Well, uh, listen guys, I
hate to gossip and run,
but there goes my Pulitzer.
- Bye-bye.
- So long, Scotty.
Hmm... Hey, look over there.
Both: The Champ.
- Hey, Champ, - Jonathan!
- How are you?
- Jennifer, what's happening?
I got to tell you, next to me,
you're the prettiest
people in town.
Aw... we saw your
latest on television.
You are referring to
my beer commercial.
Uh, no, I think it
was baby powder.
I was beautiful, wasn't I?
Listen, uh, is it true?
Are you gonna
hang up your gloves?
Well, Cosell keeps bugging
me about a comeback,
and I told him, "I
don't hit nobody
for less than a
million." ( laughs )
( sighs )
Did you have a pleasant trip?
Uh, yes, very nice, thank you.
Eddie, take us up
to Mr. Nichol's suite.
Funny, I was married to the guy,
so why do I feel like I'm
going to the principal's office?
Don't be nervous.
Mr. Nichols is very
anxious to see you.
( knock on door )
Loring: Laura, come in, please.
Laura: Aren't you
being a bit unfair?
( camera clicks )
Somebody else.
Scotty: Two Loring Nichols?
Uh, hi, listen,
I'm with the hotel,
I'm just getting
some postcard shots.
Uh, hey!
Look... he's not gonna
be real happy about this
so why don't we just
forget it and give me...
Turn around.
Come on, hey, buddy, look,
great view, you got there.
I'm just up here
getting some... Ah!
I, uh, appreciate you
giving us the identification.
I know it's a rather
grisly business.
Jennifer: I think we must
have been the last people
to... see Scotty.
Other than the person
that helped him off the roof.
Oh, in point of fact, Mr. Hart,
there is no
indication of foul play.
Inspector, didn't you say
that there wasn't any film
- in the camera?
- That is correct.
Well, doesn't that strike
you as a little strange?
I didn't think photography
was part of his work.
Well, he wasn't up on
the roof to catch the view.
Frankly, Mr. Hart,
there is some question
as to, uh, how he
accomplished that.
Scotty told us that he
was on to something big.
But he didn't say what it was?
We don't think he actually knew.
No, but I think that
he was getting close.
Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart, I
appreciate your distress
at this most
unfortunate accident.
Accident?
Incident.
I'm still haunted
by what Scotty said.
What was that?
He said we were all
here to bear witness.
To what?
Murder?
Barber: He'll be out
for at least four hours.
Victoria: I'll put your
music back on, Mr. Nichols.
This is the only tape you found?
Yes, Miss Dickinson.
- Pictures?
- No, sir.
I don't like it.
There is nothing
incriminating on this tape.
He was close, but
you did the right thing.
Throw a man off a roof?
Michael... he fell.
An over eager reporter
going after some candids
of the reclusive Loring Nichols.
The police have bought it.
Why is it so difficult for you?
Victoria, I am a doctor.
I'm supposed to save lives.
Michael, this is no time to
recite the Hippocratic Oath.
- Make sure this is destroyed.
- Yes, ma'am.
Fox, there is one thing
that I'm disturbed about.
How did that man
get up on the roof?
I don't know.
Find out.
I don't want any other
unannounced visitors.
Yes, ma'am.
You're not gonna fall
apart on me now, are you?
Why do we have to
have all these people?
How many times
do I have to tell you,
I can't manipulate
an empire if everyone
thinks the emperor
doesn't exist.
I know... I know.
And do I have to
remind you how long
we've been working on this?
There were bound to be
unexpected complications.
Why don't you go
check on your patient?
Oh, that's fine, thank you.
Oh, lovely.
Thank you.
Well, nothing like
watching the bubbles go up
as the sun goes down.
No toast?
Let's see.
To pirates and other lovers.
May they always
keep up the tradition.
Uh-huh. I'll drink to that.
Hello.
Hello. Do we know each other?
No, we don't.
I'm Jonathan Hart
this is my wife, Jennifer.
Nice to meet you.
We're fans, as a matter of
fact, we have been for years.
Ah, please don't
tell me how long.
Would you like to join us?
Oh, no, thank you.
I'm meeting someone.
Thank you.
I'm curious I understand that
you saw Loring Nichols today.
Yes, his majesty
deigned to see me.
And may I ask,
what did you think?
Well, considering
he's been in a cocoon
for the last ten years,
it wasn't any butterfly
that popped out.
Oh, you're saying that
he's a little frayed
around the edges?
Well, truth is he's
not much different.
Loring always needed
personality lessons.
There's my friend...
very nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you.
- She looks great, huh?
- Doesn't she?
Hello, excuse me, may I
have a word with you, Mr. Hart?
Certainly.
This is Dr. Barber,
Mr. Nichols' personal physician.
- How do you do, doctor?
- How do you do?
Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
Mr. Nichols would like to know
if you would like
to get together now.
We certainly would.
Mr. Nichols would
prefer to see you alone.
He doesn't really
know Mrs. Hart.
You do understand?
Of course.
Dr. Barber would be
delighted to keep you company.
- Mm-hmm.
- You go on, darling.
I'll see you in a
minute, darling, all right?
Willie, will you show
Mr. Hart the way?
I'd be happy to.
Excuse me, doctor.
Doctor, would you show
Mrs. Hart the casino?
Why I'd love to.
Then I'd be delighted to see it.
Shall we?
- Mr. Nichols.
- I could ask how you've been,
but I know you've
been doing very well.
Lovely wife, very successful,
not as successful
as me, of course,
but doing very well.
Did you ever guess that $50,000
would bring you here today?
Well, I'm very flattered that
you've been keeping tabs on me.
Not at all, not at all.
I don't send Christmas
cards but I like to see
what my friends are up to.
So that's the
reason for the party?
Well, when you put a
new rudder into an old ship,
you like to give her a
proper launching, don't you?
You've launched a lot of ships,
I haven't read about
you on the social pages
of The New York Times.
I guess I'm just about as
transparent as hell, aren't I?
I doubt that.
You want the truth?
Well, you always
said that the truth
was what it was all about.
Yes, I did, didn't I?
It was, uh, too
bad about Scotty.
Yes, it was,
you know, that piece in "The
New Yorker" back in 1970,
was the best interview
ever done on me.
Not flattering, I won't
say it was flattering,
but truthful.
Why didn't he just
take his place in line?
You were about
to tell me the truth.
Oh, yes, well, my
board says that
I need a board to
tell me what to do.
Now in the old days,
I used to tell
people what to do.
What did they tell you to do?
Well, they say you can't
run a business in limbo,
that people are
beginning to talk
that Loring Nichols is here.
Is he there? Is he dead?
Or is he an old doddering fool
spitting up all over himself?
So we're all here
to bear witness?
Right. That's good.
That's what Scotty said
ten minutes before he died.
Bright boy, Scotty.
Brandy?
Thanks.
May I ask you a question?
Shoot.
Well, it's none of my business,
but you've been selling
off a lot of your old interests
and I have a considerable
amount of your stock.
Is there anything I should know?
Oh, just creating
a little cash flow.
Got my eye on an airline.
Well... if you need my help,
you will ask me, won't you?
Don't think that Loring
Nichols will hesitate
to call in your
marker if he needed it.
- How did it go?
- All right.
What's wrong?
- He was lying to me.
- About what?
I don't know, it was
just something about him
that didn't gel.
It was if he couldn't look
at me straight in the eye.
Hmm...
Maybe he's having
financial problems.
Well, whatever it is,
something's going on.
Well, darling, you've
only seen him once
and it was ten years ago.
He's older now.
Yes, but a man with that
kind of will doesn't change.
I'd like to get up there
where Scotty was.
Well, I thought we had to
have a key to get on that floor?
That or a very tall man.
Get in the elevator and
take it up to the top floor.
- What are you gonna do?
- I'll be on the observation
deck.
You wait for my
signal, all right?
It's all right, I'm
wearing elevator shoes.
Jonathan: Let her go.
Uh...
- What floor?
- Four, please.
Is that you, Victoria?
Mr. Nichols?
Mr. Nichols, it's Jonathan Hart.
Who?
Your friend, Jonathan Hart.
Oh, Jonathan, yes.
How are you?
Better than you.
What's going on?
Going on?
Going...
Don't worry, Loring...
we'll get you out of here.
Woman: Is that you, Bernard?
Aha.
You must be Bernard.
She never stops
talking about you.
Loring, Loring, tell me.
Loring, tell me...
What are you talking about?
Victoria, take it easy.
- I want to know.
- I told you.
My friend Jonathan
Hart came to see me.
What is this gibberish?
Probably a coincidence.
He imagined he saw him.
I found this on the balcony.
Hart was wearing
a scarf like that
when I saw him at the Marina.
Get them up here.
What are you gonna do?
It's unfortunate that Loring
Nichols' coming-out party
may have to be marred
by another accident.
I'm telling you, inspector,
there are two Loring Nichols.
But that in itself
is not a crime.
Loring Nichols is a
very powerful man.
He controls a great
deal of real estate
and a lot of money.
Anybody impersonating him,
possibly without his knowledge,
- is a...
- Fraud, probably, yes.
Maybe murder for sure.
Mr. Hart, you are
right about one thing.
Mr. Nichols is an extremely
powerful and influential person.
He and his hotel are terribly
important to this island.
Yeah, I get you.
We cannot intrude
into his quarters
without something
more consequential.
Well, thanks, inspector.
I'll try to get a written
confession from him.
So long.
Did you tell him
about the drugs?
Yeah, I did. I don't blame him.
It's... it's just that we got to
come up with something more.
Max's phone
number, where is that?
Uh, it's in the
notebook by the bed.
I think we'll give
Nichols and his crowd
a little "Melvin and Howard."
( knock on door )
Did you call room service?
No, you want to get that?
- Oh, Dr. Barber,
- Mr. Hart is in?
Yes, he's on the phone.
Would you get him, please?
- What do you want?
- Mr. Nichols
would like to chat
with both of you this time.
Oh, well, that's very
nice, but maybe tomorrow.
It's late and I have
a terrible headache.
I'm afraid this is a
command performance.
Fox, tell Victoria, the
problem is resolved.
Willie, come with us.
Senator Eldridge, how are you?
Yeah, I'm just
fine. How are you?
Well, isn't this amazing,
I was just saying to Jonathan...
She was just saying to me
that why don't you join us
in the bar for a drink?
Oh, and share a
filibuster or two.
- That's what she was saying.
- Well, what a kind thought.
There's nothing I'd like better.
- Good.
- Here we go.
Well, I be doggone.
I went off and left
my money belt.
I want to hit the casino later.
Well, we'll meet you
in the bar, senator.
All right.
Uh...
- They can't do anything
while we're here.
- Do they know that?
- Oh, Mr. Tweed!
- Hello.
We're a little in between.
Oh.
Yes, we have a slight problem.
Nothing serious, I hope.
You see the two men behind us?
Yes, Dr. Barber and
Danny the bodyguard, yes.
They're after us.
After you? I'm sorry,
I don't understand.
There are two Loring Nichols.
Two? Oh, really?
Oh. ( chuckles )
It has something
to do with fraud,
not to mention murder.
- Murder?
- Probably ours.
Murder, eh? Oh. ( laughs )
We'd like to have you call
inspector Jordan right away
and get him out here.
Yes, yes, of course, absolutely.
( laughs )
Well, uh, thanks very much
for helping us, Mr. Tweed.
If you were only
E.T. we could fly.
If I was E.T., we'd go home.
No games, I'd rather not
have to shoot you tonight.
I'm sure, your game is more
like volleyball off the roof.
- Are you awake?
- Uh-huh.
How you doing?
Well, this is
definitely not my idea
of the way to get a
good night's sleep.
I'm worried about Max.
He's supposed to
go into his routine
the first thing this morning.
Fox, let them up.
Good morning. I hope
you spent a cozy night.
I've brought you a
change appropriate
to today's activity.
What do you have in mind?
I thought something equestrian.
You do seem to like riding.
Oh, I know.
We're going to fall off
of our horses and die.
Very good,
and you haven't even seen
the cliffs by the ocean yet.
Don't you think that
this has been rather
an accident prone weekend?
I'd like you to change, now,
and I hope you're
going to be cooperative.
Because, Fox here would
just as soon break your necks.
How long do you think you can
pull off this little masquerade?
Actually, I thought his
ex-wife would be the big hurdle,
but she seemed to get
along famously with Loring.
I think Dr. Barber
did a wonderful job
of re-creating him,
and I take some
credit for coaching him
in the details of
a marvelous life.
I only regret that you
weren't convinced.
Mr. Hart, would you like
to be the first to change?
What are you talking,
he won't see me?
This is the
director of the hotel.
- Mr. Aldo...
- Aldo Beneducci,
nice to know you.
I come to see my
buddy, Loring Nichols.
I see.
Do you have an
invitation to the weekend?
I got a permanent invitation
for whenever I want to show up.
Hmm...
Is, uh, is Mr. Beneducci
on the list?
Forget the list.
You just put your
voice on the horn
and tell Loring Nichols
that Aldo is here.
Well, you see, Mr. Beneducci,
You can call me, Aldo.
You see, Aldo, Mr. Nichols
decides whom and when
he will see.
Whom... for your information,
I'm the biggest whom
in Loring Nichols' life.
If not for this here,
whom, Loring Nichols
wouldn't be in this here hotel.
The point being, I
saved Loring Nichol's life.
I see.
Well, why don't I just
call Mr. Nichol's suite
and see if he's receiving?
That's what I said
in the first place.
Yes.
Victoria: Lovely.
Well, now that's
better. Are we ready?
Before we go, you might
be interested to know
that I talked to the
police last night.
Oh, and were they
terribly concerned
about your speculations?
( knocks on door )
Tween's on the phone.
There's a man downstairs
demanding to see Nichols.
Something about
having saved his life.
Well, who is he?
An Aldo something or other.
Ask Nichols who he is.
I just gave him a
shot so he's out.
This man is really
making a scene.
All right, let him up,
but make it fast
and to the point.
Put a security
guard on the door.
- Fox, tie them up again.
- All right.
Back down on the bed.
What'll I say to this guy?
Well, just be civil.
He's probably some
bum Loring picked up.
He was always doing that.
Thanks, big boy.
Loring Nichols!
Aldo.
How are you? Fine,
you look great, Loring.
Ah, excuse me,
this is my executive
assistant, Victoria Dickinson.
Mr. Beneducci, a pleasure.
Just call me Aldo.
Aldo, tell me, how
did you two meet?
Why don't you tell her?
Oh, um, no, no,
much more amusing
coming from you.
Let's see.
It was seven years
ago last week, right.
Right.
I was hacking out of
Brooklyn my regular garage,
I just had to run
into Manhattan.
I'm headed for the bridge.
I'm cutting course
down through the park
when I spot this guy.
He's taking a stroll
at 1:00 in the morning.
Well, there I am,
crossing the 72nd street
when I spot four
meatheads cruising this guy.
I say to myself, this guy's
gonna wind up dog meat
in the bushes
unless I do somethin'.
Go on, go on.
So I drive the
cab over the curb,
these four guys take a dive,
just about when
they're ready to recover,
I throw it into reverse
and I really scatter them,
then I open the door
and Loring jumps in.
True, true, true.
- What a time we had.
- Yes, yes.
We must of hit every joint
between there and Bensonhurst.
Yeah, I'll never
forget that night.
Neither will I.
I'm telling you, inspector,
if this guy's Loring Nichols,
I'm Robert Redford.
I gave him a
cock-and-bull story about us
that he lapped up as
if it were his memoirs.
I didn't quite get who you are.
I'm Max, I work for the Harts,
and what worries me is
they ain't been around.
Nobody's seen
them since last night.
I'm on my way, Mr. Max.
Where's Fox?
He went to see Mr. Nichols.
Take them down in
the service elevator.
We'll meet you at the stables.
Hart, no tricks
or I'll pull her arm
right out of the socket.
Hiya, Champ, how's it going?
Hey, you surf here, Max?
Hey, Max, I didn't
know you were here.
You haven't seen
the Harts, have you?
Not since yesterday.
I got a terrible feeling
they got trouble.
- Is that them?
- It sure is.
That big guy's pretty
cozy with Mrs. H.
I don't like it. Give me an arm?
- You've got both of them.
- Thanks.
Hey, darling, look at that.
There's Aldo Beneducci
and The Champ.
Hiya, Champ!
Hi, I've been looking for you.
- Hiya, how's it going?
- Fine, Aldo.
It's the pretty people again.
Champ, you remember
when we first saw each other
when we arrived, you were
telling me about that deal.
Deal?
The deal of Howard
Cosell putting up the million
and... do you remember that?
Oh, you want to see me
do my buck and wing?
Oh, I'd love to see you
do your buck and wing.
As a matter of fact,
I'd pay a million for it.
Thanks, Champ.
You ought to see my time step.
You're still the greatest.
Wait here.
Champ: Go get 'em, Jonathan!
You mind waiting
for the next horse?
Hang on to her Champ, will you?
Well, I guess you
gave the doctor a touch
of his own medicine.
Yeah.
- Darling, I've been thinking.
- Yes.
Wouldn't it be fun to
have a house on an island
all our own?
You mean, like the
pirate and his lady?
Oh, no, nothing that grand.
Well, you'd have nothing
but a thousand
guests every weekend.
No, no, no, I mean
something small
just for the two of us.
- And Max?
- Of course, Max.
- And Freeway?
- Certainly, Freeway.
Maybe we could find
something in the Caribbean,
or the South Pacific.
That'd be a tough
commute to the office,
but it does sound nice.
Maybe we could throw in
a good restaurant or two?
Oh, you're so spoiled.
- A small movie house?
- No.
Do we go with or
without television?
I can do without television.
- No Monday night football?
- No.
- No Lakers' games?
- No.
- No chili from Chasen's?
- No, no, no.
No pasta from La Scala?
Well, what about those little
outfits that you always buy
from that place on Rodeo Drive?
I wasn't talking about giving
up civilization completely.
- Well, I'd give it
all up for you...
- Aw.
- If it would make you happy.
- That's so sweet.
After all, home is
where the heart is.
Or is it where the Harts are?
Mm...
♪
boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
I only had the pleasure of
meeting Loring Nichols once
and that was on a train
between Boston and New York.
Yeah, we just bumped
into each other,
and I told him an
idea I had, and he said,
"Kid, I like that."
- You want that, too?
- And he wrote me a check
for $50,000.
- I love that story.
- I like it, too.
- Gin.
- Gin?
All right, senator, we'll
see you down there.
- Bye-bye.
- How's the senator?
Well, the senator's doing great.
He said he wouldn't
miss this party
for all the bol weevils
on his side of the aisle.
Army Archerd's column
says, "the whole who's who
of the celebrity world is
gonna be at this shindig.
I don't get this guy,
Nichols. He's a hermit.
Why should he
throwing a big bash?
It's not just a party, Max.
It's the opening
of his new resort.
A lot of people
think this guy's dead.
Well, he is a recluse.
I'll say.
He hasn't even been seen in
public for almost seven years.
You know, I'm sort
of sorry I won't be able
to have a chance to
meet this character.
Maybe we could sneak him in.
- Yeah.
- No, no, no! That's all right.
You just drop
me off in Freeport.
I got a lucky table
waiting for me there,
not to mention a lucky lady.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you gonna play?
Certainly.
Gin.
Gin?!
Yeah.
( classical music playing )
Morning, Mr. Nichols,
feeling better are we
this morning, hmm?
Oh, I always feel better
before you show up.
You're like one of those
damn hospital nurses.
I'm feeling pretty good,
and then all of a sudden
they come by with their
needles and thermometers.
Take that damn thing away.
Now you know it's a good idea
to keep a check on your pulse.
Why? You did it yesterday.
What do you want to find out?
I've been from here to
the bedroom and back.
How much stress
is there in that?
Mr. Nichols, are you giving
the doctor a hard time?
Oh, Victoria, would you
take this quack away?
Oh, aren't you
being a bit unfair?
I didn't get to be one
of the richest men
in the world being fair.
Yes, but hasn't Dr. Barber
made lots of pains go away?
Yeah, and everything else.
Which would you
prefer... Pain or euphoria?
Oh, you better use this arm.
The other one's a pin cushion.
( sighs ) Victoria, what
would I do without you?
Probably scold somebody else.
I've got some papers here
that need your signature.
Oh, I can taste
that one already.
What kind of papers?
Routine, mostly to do
with the hotel... proposals.
These glasses are
obsol... Obsolete.
Well, as soon as
you're up and around,
we'll get you an examination.
Have the lawyers
looked at these papers?
Upside down and backwards.
There... all done.
He'll be out for at
least four hours.
I'll put your music
back on, Mr. Nichols.
( classic music plays )
Victoria: Well, now
that that's taken care of,
our plan should
proceed without a hitch.
I've got an hour to spare.
What are you up to?
Man: Flowers for the
lady, flowers for the lady.
Woman: How much are these?
Darling, did you realize the
Bahamas was the first place
that Christopher Columbus
set foot in the new world?
And he probably couldn't
find a decent hotel room.
Oh, that was Henri
de Beauchamp's job.
I thought he had a
restaurant in Beverly Hills?
- Henri de Beauchamp? He was a pirate.
- That's the one.
He has a restaurant
in Beverly Hills.
- He's a pirate.
- Come on.
I know, you've got to fill
me in on the local color.
Flowers, sir?
Flowers for the lady?
- Oh, look.
- Oh, thanks very much.
Here you are.
- Oh...
- There you go, darling.
Lovely, thank you, darling.
Isn't that a beautiful hotel?
It sure is.
They don't make
them like that anymore.
Jennifer: Henri de
Beauchamp built that hotel
as a wedding present
to his new bride.
Jonathan: How romantic.
He's a man after my own heart.
Well, he's no Loring Nichols,
but he certainly had his
heart in the right place.
Well, so is mine... My
heart in the right place,
right next to me.
I know.
Mr. and Mrs. Hart, greetings,
welcome to The Bahama Excelsior.
Well, did you
have a nice flight?
Very nice, thank you.
I'm Roger Tween, the director.
Jolly good day, isn't it?
Very jolly, Roger, my wife
was just saying the same thing.
Isn't this beautiful?
Yes, the old mansion's
been completely refurbished,
maintaining the original
architecture of course.
- Lovely.
- It's very quiet.
Well, we're not officially
open until next week.
The people here are
Mr. Nichol's special guests.
How is Mr. Nichols these days?
Frankly, we haven't
seen him since his arrival.
We're hoping he'll make
an exception in this instance.
Well, I certainly hope so.
Well, if you'd
like to freshen up,
we'll see you for
luncheon the veranda.
Thank you.
Mr. Tween.
( Caribbean music plays )
I had to come to town
and testify before my committee
about the wild
mustang situation.
Yes, we are.
I was very flattered that
they asked me to join them.
Well, knowing
you as well as I do,
you'll make a wonderful witness.
Does that mean we
have your vote, senator?
No fair lobbying
now on my own time.
I'm just here as as
a gentleman farmer.
- Yes.
- Oh, there's
Victoria Dickinson,
Loring Nichols' right-hand lady.
- Ah, Victoria, - Hello.
Honey, I read the article in
Fortune magazine about you,
and it was wonderful,
just wonderful.
- Well, thank you.
- You know Jonathan
and Jennifer Hart.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
I saw your article in
"Town And Country."
I must say, your profiles
fared far better than mine.
- Oh, well, thank you.
- Victoria's being modest
as well as charming.
When she was a junior assistant
in congressman
Bellwood's office,
I knew then and there that
this little lady would go far.
Now the senator from
the south is recognized
for a little cornpone himself.
Oh, excuse me, I see
Howard Cosell over there.
I want to go exchange
some statistics.
- Bye-bye, senator.
- Bye.
Have you everything you need?
Yes, thank you.
Is there any chance of
saying hello to Loring?
Well, it's wish to see
as many as possible.
He made up the
guest list himself,
those people from the past
he still holds a fondness for.
We're very pleased
that he included us.
Excuse me, I see
some new arrivals.
Of course.
Thank you.
She's a lot younger
than I imagined.
Mm...
Very powerful lady, the
woman behind the throne.
Look who's over there. Scotty?
Jennifer... hi. Jonathan.
- Scotty, how are ya?
- What are you doing here.
Not what, why?
We are about to hear my
learned colleague's latest theory.
Ah, not yet... but I will say
we're all here to bear witness.
To what?
Unh-unh, being the
scrupulous reporter that I am,
I'm not ready to liable
myself until I have all the facts.
But you do have
a sound suspicion?
Sound? ( laughs )
Funny you should say
that. Take a look around.
Well, it certainly
is the "A" group.
Impressive credentials.
What do you want to bet
not a person in this place
has had anything to
do with Loring Nichols
in the last four or five years?
Well, I haven't for ten
years, but what's your point?
Well, that's the story
for now. Film at 11:00.
Oh, come on, Scotty,
You can't leave us hanging.
Okay, look over there.
Jennifer: Laura Bishop.
The ex Mrs. Loring Nichols.
Yeah, and ex movie queen.
Nichols gave her up
along with the business.
She has an audience
with his nibs at 2:00.
Nichols has a
whole wing up there,
and he's guarded like
King Solomon's mine.
His domain is off-limits
unless you have the key.
Ah, and you are
looking for the key?
I already made my own.
You've been up there?
- Unofficially.
- You've talked to him?
Soon.
And if my theory is correct,
I could have the biggest
scoop since Richard Nixon
left his footprint in his mouth.
Well, uh, listen guys, I
hate to gossip and run,
but there goes my Pulitzer.
- Bye-bye.
- So long, Scotty.
Hmm... Hey, look over there.
Both: The Champ.
- Hey, Champ, - Jonathan!
- How are you?
- Jennifer, what's happening?
I got to tell you, next to me,
you're the prettiest
people in town.
Aw... we saw your
latest on television.
You are referring to
my beer commercial.
Uh, no, I think it
was baby powder.
I was beautiful, wasn't I?
Listen, uh, is it true?
Are you gonna
hang up your gloves?
Well, Cosell keeps bugging
me about a comeback,
and I told him, "I
don't hit nobody
for less than a
million." ( laughs )
( sighs )
Did you have a pleasant trip?
Uh, yes, very nice, thank you.
Eddie, take us up
to Mr. Nichol's suite.
Funny, I was married to the guy,
so why do I feel like I'm
going to the principal's office?
Don't be nervous.
Mr. Nichols is very
anxious to see you.
( knock on door )
Loring: Laura, come in, please.
Laura: Aren't you
being a bit unfair?
( camera clicks )
Somebody else.
Scotty: Two Loring Nichols?
Uh, hi, listen,
I'm with the hotel,
I'm just getting
some postcard shots.
Uh, hey!
Look... he's not gonna
be real happy about this
so why don't we just
forget it and give me...
Turn around.
Come on, hey, buddy, look,
great view, you got there.
I'm just up here
getting some... Ah!
I, uh, appreciate you
giving us the identification.
I know it's a rather
grisly business.
Jennifer: I think we must
have been the last people
to... see Scotty.
Other than the person
that helped him off the roof.
Oh, in point of fact, Mr. Hart,
there is no
indication of foul play.
Inspector, didn't you say
that there wasn't any film
- in the camera?
- That is correct.
Well, doesn't that strike
you as a little strange?
I didn't think photography
was part of his work.
Well, he wasn't up on
the roof to catch the view.
Frankly, Mr. Hart,
there is some question
as to, uh, how he
accomplished that.
Scotty told us that he
was on to something big.
But he didn't say what it was?
We don't think he actually knew.
No, but I think that
he was getting close.
Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart, I
appreciate your distress
at this most
unfortunate accident.
Accident?
Incident.
I'm still haunted
by what Scotty said.
What was that?
He said we were all
here to bear witness.
To what?
Murder?
Barber: He'll be out
for at least four hours.
Victoria: I'll put your
music back on, Mr. Nichols.
This is the only tape you found?
Yes, Miss Dickinson.
- Pictures?
- No, sir.
I don't like it.
There is nothing
incriminating on this tape.
He was close, but
you did the right thing.
Throw a man off a roof?
Michael... he fell.
An over eager reporter
going after some candids
of the reclusive Loring Nichols.
The police have bought it.
Why is it so difficult for you?
Victoria, I am a doctor.
I'm supposed to save lives.
Michael, this is no time to
recite the Hippocratic Oath.
- Make sure this is destroyed.
- Yes, ma'am.
Fox, there is one thing
that I'm disturbed about.
How did that man
get up on the roof?
I don't know.
Find out.
I don't want any other
unannounced visitors.
Yes, ma'am.
You're not gonna fall
apart on me now, are you?
Why do we have to
have all these people?
How many times
do I have to tell you,
I can't manipulate
an empire if everyone
thinks the emperor
doesn't exist.
I know... I know.
And do I have to
remind you how long
we've been working on this?
There were bound to be
unexpected complications.
Why don't you go
check on your patient?
Oh, that's fine, thank you.
Oh, lovely.
Thank you.
Well, nothing like
watching the bubbles go up
as the sun goes down.
No toast?
Let's see.
To pirates and other lovers.
May they always
keep up the tradition.
Uh-huh. I'll drink to that.
Hello.
Hello. Do we know each other?
No, we don't.
I'm Jonathan Hart
this is my wife, Jennifer.
Nice to meet you.
We're fans, as a matter of
fact, we have been for years.
Ah, please don't
tell me how long.
Would you like to join us?
Oh, no, thank you.
I'm meeting someone.
Thank you.
I'm curious I understand that
you saw Loring Nichols today.
Yes, his majesty
deigned to see me.
And may I ask,
what did you think?
Well, considering
he's been in a cocoon
for the last ten years,
it wasn't any butterfly
that popped out.
Oh, you're saying that
he's a little frayed
around the edges?
Well, truth is he's
not much different.
Loring always needed
personality lessons.
There's my friend...
very nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you.
- She looks great, huh?
- Doesn't she?
Hello, excuse me, may I
have a word with you, Mr. Hart?
Certainly.
This is Dr. Barber,
Mr. Nichols' personal physician.
- How do you do, doctor?
- How do you do?
Mr. and Mrs. Hart.
Mr. Nichols would like to know
if you would like
to get together now.
We certainly would.
Mr. Nichols would
prefer to see you alone.
He doesn't really
know Mrs. Hart.
You do understand?
Of course.
Dr. Barber would be
delighted to keep you company.
- Mm-hmm.
- You go on, darling.
I'll see you in a
minute, darling, all right?
Willie, will you show
Mr. Hart the way?
I'd be happy to.
Excuse me, doctor.
Doctor, would you show
Mrs. Hart the casino?
Why I'd love to.
Then I'd be delighted to see it.
Shall we?
- Mr. Nichols.
- I could ask how you've been,
but I know you've
been doing very well.
Lovely wife, very successful,
not as successful
as me, of course,
but doing very well.
Did you ever guess that $50,000
would bring you here today?
Well, I'm very flattered that
you've been keeping tabs on me.
Not at all, not at all.
I don't send Christmas
cards but I like to see
what my friends are up to.
So that's the
reason for the party?
Well, when you put a
new rudder into an old ship,
you like to give her a
proper launching, don't you?
You've launched a lot of ships,
I haven't read about
you on the social pages
of The New York Times.
I guess I'm just about as
transparent as hell, aren't I?
I doubt that.
You want the truth?
Well, you always
said that the truth
was what it was all about.
Yes, I did, didn't I?
It was, uh, too
bad about Scotty.
Yes, it was,
you know, that piece in "The
New Yorker" back in 1970,
was the best interview
ever done on me.
Not flattering, I won't
say it was flattering,
but truthful.
Why didn't he just
take his place in line?
You were about
to tell me the truth.
Oh, yes, well, my
board says that
I need a board to
tell me what to do.
Now in the old days,
I used to tell
people what to do.
What did they tell you to do?
Well, they say you can't
run a business in limbo,
that people are
beginning to talk
that Loring Nichols is here.
Is he there? Is he dead?
Or is he an old doddering fool
spitting up all over himself?
So we're all here
to bear witness?
Right. That's good.
That's what Scotty said
ten minutes before he died.
Bright boy, Scotty.
Brandy?
Thanks.
May I ask you a question?
Shoot.
Well, it's none of my business,
but you've been selling
off a lot of your old interests
and I have a considerable
amount of your stock.
Is there anything I should know?
Oh, just creating
a little cash flow.
Got my eye on an airline.
Well... if you need my help,
you will ask me, won't you?
Don't think that Loring
Nichols will hesitate
to call in your
marker if he needed it.
- How did it go?
- All right.
What's wrong?
- He was lying to me.
- About what?
I don't know, it was
just something about him
that didn't gel.
It was if he couldn't look
at me straight in the eye.
Hmm...
Maybe he's having
financial problems.
Well, whatever it is,
something's going on.
Well, darling, you've
only seen him once
and it was ten years ago.
He's older now.
Yes, but a man with that
kind of will doesn't change.
I'd like to get up there
where Scotty was.
Well, I thought we had to
have a key to get on that floor?
That or a very tall man.
Get in the elevator and
take it up to the top floor.
- What are you gonna do?
- I'll be on the observation
deck.
You wait for my
signal, all right?
It's all right, I'm
wearing elevator shoes.
Jonathan: Let her go.
Uh...
- What floor?
- Four, please.
Is that you, Victoria?
Mr. Nichols?
Mr. Nichols, it's Jonathan Hart.
Who?
Your friend, Jonathan Hart.
Oh, Jonathan, yes.
How are you?
Better than you.
What's going on?
Going on?
Going...
Don't worry, Loring...
we'll get you out of here.
Woman: Is that you, Bernard?
Aha.
You must be Bernard.
She never stops
talking about you.
Loring, Loring, tell me.
Loring, tell me...
What are you talking about?
Victoria, take it easy.
- I want to know.
- I told you.
My friend Jonathan
Hart came to see me.
What is this gibberish?
Probably a coincidence.
He imagined he saw him.
I found this on the balcony.
Hart was wearing
a scarf like that
when I saw him at the Marina.
Get them up here.
What are you gonna do?
It's unfortunate that Loring
Nichols' coming-out party
may have to be marred
by another accident.
I'm telling you, inspector,
there are two Loring Nichols.
But that in itself
is not a crime.
Loring Nichols is a
very powerful man.
He controls a great
deal of real estate
and a lot of money.
Anybody impersonating him,
possibly without his knowledge,
- is a...
- Fraud, probably, yes.
Maybe murder for sure.
Mr. Hart, you are
right about one thing.
Mr. Nichols is an extremely
powerful and influential person.
He and his hotel are terribly
important to this island.
Yeah, I get you.
We cannot intrude
into his quarters
without something
more consequential.
Well, thanks, inspector.
I'll try to get a written
confession from him.
So long.
Did you tell him
about the drugs?
Yeah, I did. I don't blame him.
It's... it's just that we got to
come up with something more.
Max's phone
number, where is that?
Uh, it's in the
notebook by the bed.
I think we'll give
Nichols and his crowd
a little "Melvin and Howard."
( knock on door )
Did you call room service?
No, you want to get that?
- Oh, Dr. Barber,
- Mr. Hart is in?
Yes, he's on the phone.
Would you get him, please?
- What do you want?
- Mr. Nichols
would like to chat
with both of you this time.
Oh, well, that's very
nice, but maybe tomorrow.
It's late and I have
a terrible headache.
I'm afraid this is a
command performance.
Fox, tell Victoria, the
problem is resolved.
Willie, come with us.
Senator Eldridge, how are you?
Yeah, I'm just
fine. How are you?
Well, isn't this amazing,
I was just saying to Jonathan...
She was just saying to me
that why don't you join us
in the bar for a drink?
Oh, and share a
filibuster or two.
- That's what she was saying.
- Well, what a kind thought.
There's nothing I'd like better.
- Good.
- Here we go.
Well, I be doggone.
I went off and left
my money belt.
I want to hit the casino later.
Well, we'll meet you
in the bar, senator.
All right.
Uh...
- They can't do anything
while we're here.
- Do they know that?
- Oh, Mr. Tweed!
- Hello.
We're a little in between.
Oh.
Yes, we have a slight problem.
Nothing serious, I hope.
You see the two men behind us?
Yes, Dr. Barber and
Danny the bodyguard, yes.
They're after us.
After you? I'm sorry,
I don't understand.
There are two Loring Nichols.
Two? Oh, really?
Oh. ( chuckles )
It has something
to do with fraud,
not to mention murder.
- Murder?
- Probably ours.
Murder, eh? Oh. ( laughs )
We'd like to have you call
inspector Jordan right away
and get him out here.
Yes, yes, of course, absolutely.
( laughs )
Well, uh, thanks very much
for helping us, Mr. Tweed.
If you were only
E.T. we could fly.
If I was E.T., we'd go home.
No games, I'd rather not
have to shoot you tonight.
I'm sure, your game is more
like volleyball off the roof.
- Are you awake?
- Uh-huh.
How you doing?
Well, this is
definitely not my idea
of the way to get a
good night's sleep.
I'm worried about Max.
He's supposed to
go into his routine
the first thing this morning.
Fox, let them up.
Good morning. I hope
you spent a cozy night.
I've brought you a
change appropriate
to today's activity.
What do you have in mind?
I thought something equestrian.
You do seem to like riding.
Oh, I know.
We're going to fall off
of our horses and die.
Very good,
and you haven't even seen
the cliffs by the ocean yet.
Don't you think that
this has been rather
an accident prone weekend?
I'd like you to change, now,
and I hope you're
going to be cooperative.
Because, Fox here would
just as soon break your necks.
How long do you think you can
pull off this little masquerade?
Actually, I thought his
ex-wife would be the big hurdle,
but she seemed to get
along famously with Loring.
I think Dr. Barber
did a wonderful job
of re-creating him,
and I take some
credit for coaching him
in the details of
a marvelous life.
I only regret that you
weren't convinced.
Mr. Hart, would you like
to be the first to change?
What are you talking,
he won't see me?
This is the
director of the hotel.
- Mr. Aldo...
- Aldo Beneducci,
nice to know you.
I come to see my
buddy, Loring Nichols.
I see.
Do you have an
invitation to the weekend?
I got a permanent invitation
for whenever I want to show up.
Hmm...
Is, uh, is Mr. Beneducci
on the list?
Forget the list.
You just put your
voice on the horn
and tell Loring Nichols
that Aldo is here.
Well, you see, Mr. Beneducci,
You can call me, Aldo.
You see, Aldo, Mr. Nichols
decides whom and when
he will see.
Whom... for your information,
I'm the biggest whom
in Loring Nichols' life.
If not for this here,
whom, Loring Nichols
wouldn't be in this here hotel.
The point being, I
saved Loring Nichol's life.
I see.
Well, why don't I just
call Mr. Nichol's suite
and see if he's receiving?
That's what I said
in the first place.
Yes.
Victoria: Lovely.
Well, now that's
better. Are we ready?
Before we go, you might
be interested to know
that I talked to the
police last night.
Oh, and were they
terribly concerned
about your speculations?
( knocks on door )
Tween's on the phone.
There's a man downstairs
demanding to see Nichols.
Something about
having saved his life.
Well, who is he?
An Aldo something or other.
Ask Nichols who he is.
I just gave him a
shot so he's out.
This man is really
making a scene.
All right, let him up,
but make it fast
and to the point.
Put a security
guard on the door.
- Fox, tie them up again.
- All right.
Back down on the bed.
What'll I say to this guy?
Well, just be civil.
He's probably some
bum Loring picked up.
He was always doing that.
Thanks, big boy.
Loring Nichols!
Aldo.
How are you? Fine,
you look great, Loring.
Ah, excuse me,
this is my executive
assistant, Victoria Dickinson.
Mr. Beneducci, a pleasure.
Just call me Aldo.
Aldo, tell me, how
did you two meet?
Why don't you tell her?
Oh, um, no, no,
much more amusing
coming from you.
Let's see.
It was seven years
ago last week, right.
Right.
I was hacking out of
Brooklyn my regular garage,
I just had to run
into Manhattan.
I'm headed for the bridge.
I'm cutting course
down through the park
when I spot this guy.
He's taking a stroll
at 1:00 in the morning.
Well, there I am,
crossing the 72nd street
when I spot four
meatheads cruising this guy.
I say to myself, this guy's
gonna wind up dog meat
in the bushes
unless I do somethin'.
Go on, go on.
So I drive the
cab over the curb,
these four guys take a dive,
just about when
they're ready to recover,
I throw it into reverse
and I really scatter them,
then I open the door
and Loring jumps in.
True, true, true.
- What a time we had.
- Yes, yes.
We must of hit every joint
between there and Bensonhurst.
Yeah, I'll never
forget that night.
Neither will I.
I'm telling you, inspector,
if this guy's Loring Nichols,
I'm Robert Redford.
I gave him a
cock-and-bull story about us
that he lapped up as
if it were his memoirs.
I didn't quite get who you are.
I'm Max, I work for the Harts,
and what worries me is
they ain't been around.
Nobody's seen
them since last night.
I'm on my way, Mr. Max.
Where's Fox?
He went to see Mr. Nichols.
Take them down in
the service elevator.
We'll meet you at the stables.
Hart, no tricks
or I'll pull her arm
right out of the socket.
Hiya, Champ, how's it going?
Hey, you surf here, Max?
Hey, Max, I didn't
know you were here.
You haven't seen
the Harts, have you?
Not since yesterday.
I got a terrible feeling
they got trouble.
- Is that them?
- It sure is.
That big guy's pretty
cozy with Mrs. H.
I don't like it. Give me an arm?
- You've got both of them.
- Thanks.
Hey, darling, look at that.
There's Aldo Beneducci
and The Champ.
Hiya, Champ!
Hi, I've been looking for you.
- Hiya, how's it going?
- Fine, Aldo.
It's the pretty people again.
Champ, you remember
when we first saw each other
when we arrived, you were
telling me about that deal.
Deal?
The deal of Howard
Cosell putting up the million
and... do you remember that?
Oh, you want to see me
do my buck and wing?
Oh, I'd love to see you
do your buck and wing.
As a matter of fact,
I'd pay a million for it.
Thanks, Champ.
You ought to see my time step.
You're still the greatest.
Wait here.
Champ: Go get 'em, Jonathan!
You mind waiting
for the next horse?
Hang on to her Champ, will you?
Well, I guess you
gave the doctor a touch
of his own medicine.
Yeah.
- Darling, I've been thinking.
- Yes.
Wouldn't it be fun to
have a house on an island
all our own?
You mean, like the
pirate and his lady?
Oh, no, nothing that grand.
Well, you'd have nothing
but a thousand
guests every weekend.
No, no, no, I mean
something small
just for the two of us.
- And Max?
- Of course, Max.
- And Freeway?
- Certainly, Freeway.
Maybe we could find
something in the Caribbean,
or the South Pacific.
That'd be a tough
commute to the office,
but it does sound nice.
Maybe we could throw in
a good restaurant or two?
Oh, you're so spoiled.
- A small movie house?
- No.
Do we go with or
without television?
I can do without television.
- No Monday night football?
- No.
- No Lakers' games?
- No.
- No chili from Chasen's?
- No, no, no.
No pasta from La Scala?
Well, what about those little
outfits that you always buy
from that place on Rodeo Drive?
I wasn't talking about giving
up civilization completely.
- Well, I'd give it
all up for you...
- Aw.
- If it would make you happy.
- That's so sweet.
After all, home is
where the heart is.
Or is it where the Harts are?
Mm...
♪