Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 3, Episode 9 - The Hartbreak Kid - full transcript

my boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they
met, it was murder.



JONATHAN: Just look at her go.

MAX: Yeah, you got a
real sharp lady there, Mr. H.

She's certainly
long in the stride.

JONATHAN: It's all in the legs.

MAX: Yeah, I ain't seen

gams like that
since Betty Grable.

Darling, I never
thought I'd fall in love

with another woman.

Ah, she is beautiful, isn't she?

Davey's holding her in too.


Forty-six and two.


[LAUGHING] Forty-six and two.

MAX: This little filly's
gonna win us a bundle.


MAX: Wow, she'll run
from now till next Christmas.

JONATHAN: That's great.

That really is great.

I'm so happy she drew
that race on Saturday.

Oh, she's ready, Mr. Hart.

If she keeps this time,
she'll show herself real well.

You know something?

I see a derby in
that girl's future.

I can see it all now:

"J.J. Hart, the
first of her gender

to win the Triple Crown."

Take it easy, you two.

Let's see how she
does on Saturday,

then we'll plan
her third birthday.


That horse is trouble.

I know, Mr. Sommerton,
but it's only her first race.

I don't think she's in a
class with Diamond Edge.

You may think you're an
ace handicapper, Cleaver,

but that horse could not
only cost us a lot of money,

but possibly our lives.

Thanks for working
her out for me, Davey.

My pleasure, Mr. Hart.
She's a real fine filly.

I hope she draws a
good post position.

She's got the speed
to go all the way.

No doubt about that,
but she is a little green.

Green? Did you hear that?

Oh, you just wait till Saturday.

You'll show them
your real colors.

Max, Mrs. H and I have got
some Christmas shopping to do.

Will you take my car?

Sure thing, Mr. H.

Gives me a little time
to do some research.

Thanks again, Davey.

I'll see you Saturday.

So long, Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart.



Don't forget what
I'm hinting at!




Hi, Maxie. What's up? Hi, dear.

Make sure you walk
J.J. for 40 minutes, hm?


So how you doing, Maxie?

I could complain, but I won't.

Got any good gossip?

You should know only suckers
take any notice of barn talk.

I ain't talking barn talk.
I'm talking sound news.

Like how did this here
filly work out this morning?

RILEY: I don't talk about that.

There's one thing I learned.

You never get excited
about a 2-year-old

till they run in company.

You say that based on your
many years of experience, huh?

Hey, you don't have to
be in your early hundreds

to know something.

Look, what do you
like in the third?


That's what I figured.

What about Twinkling
Dancer in the fifth?

Twinkling Dancer's
got lead feet.

How can you say that?

He's been in the money

in his last five starts. Yeah.

All shows against nothing.

Never a bride,

always just a
friend of the family.

I have something here for you.

Put all your money
on Zippity Doo Dah.

He'll take it in a walk.

Zippity Doo Dah?

You can trust me, Maxie.

I have to make a buck,

so I'll see you around.


Hey, kid, you ought to have
your stopwatch examined.

Zippity Doo Dah?

JENNIFER: Darling?


Don't you think that
giving Max a blender

is sort of like giving him
socks and underwear?

Max is gonna love it.

Besides, he knows
we're going to be

giving him something else.

Oh, yes.


Is Freeway going to start
taking his meals with us?


humor him, darling.

He's been feeling very...

threatened lately.


He knows we've
been to the stable.

He can smell our other friend.

You mean J.J.?



You see?

The mere mention of her name.

We're gonna have
to start to spell

the horse's name
in front of the dog?

Jonathan, you can't spell J.J.



Freeway is a very sensitive dog,

and he feels that somehow

his territory has been
usurped by another animal.


You don't have
to worry about that

because there's not a chair
big enough to hold a horse.


Aw, you see?

All he needed was
a little reassuring.

Well, all of us
fellas are alike.






haven't seen you
since, uh, what? Hialeah.

Mr. Sommerton.

I couldn't help but
notice one of your horses

working out this morning.

Why couldn't you help it?

A fine-looking animal.

Belongs to, uh, Jonathan
Hart, doesn't she?


I'll bet she owes her prowess

to something in your touch.

You know, I've always been sorry

that I've never
been able to have

the benefits of your skills.

Well, I'm fussy
who I bed down with.

I can understand that.

A man... You know,
a man with your past

has to use a certain
amount of caution.

What do you want, Mr. Sommerton?

You know my horse,
Diamond Edge? Mm-hm.

Well, she's running in
the eight this Saturday

against, among others,
what's her name?

J.J. Hart? Mm-hm.

Now, what you don't
know is that's imperative

that she take
this outing, Monty.

We don't think she has
a problem in the world.

But it is crucial

that we guarantee that result.


I don't think I want
to hear the rest of this.

Now, Monty, there's $10,000
worth of hearing the rest...

I ain't never pulled a
horse from winning in my life

and I ain't about to start now.

You know you can't get
away with that kind of stuff.

Now, just take it easy.
You get out of here.

wanna go stirring up any mess.

CLEAVER: We might have to tell
people about your alcoholic history.

You remember that unfortunate
barn burning in Kentucky?

I heard you were too drunk
to even know what went on!

MONTY: That was arson.

And I was cleared.

I'm sure when you
told Hart he understood

about the unfortunate mix-up.


SOMMERTON: I can't hear you.

All I want you to do
is a little something

to take Hart's horse's
attention off the race.

His blinker, for example.

What was that?

Someone's in there.

I didn't see anyone.

What's the matter with him?

I don't know. Get him up!

I hardly touched him.

Must have hit his head.

He's dead.

See you later.

Hello, Jilly? Max.

Zippity Doo Dah in the fifth.

That's right.

I got a hot tip he'll
take it in a walk.

No show, to win.

Put me down for 20

and you might as well
throw in 40 for Mr. H.

Certainly, I know he's 20-to-1.

You think I can't read?

Yeah, happy Hanukkah to you too.

RILEY: Glad to hear you put
your money where my mouth is.

Who's that?

Well, it ain't the Ghost
of Christmas Past.



There you are, Riley.

Have some. They're delicious.

Now, tell them what you told me.

Monty's in trouble.

What kind of
trouble? I don't know.

He had an argument
with a couple guys.

Do you know who they were?

I couldn't really see them.

Did you hear what they said?

I couldn't hear too good either.

But I heard your name

and something about J.J.

And then... Then they hit him.

Are you sure they
hit him? Listen,

one thing I know is
what that sounds like.

My old man used
to smack me plenty.

MAX: I threw a
call into the stables.

Nobody's seen Monty
since this morning.

Come on, let's go
down to the stables

and I'll show you.


Well... Monty and
them were right here.

And I was in the
stall next door.

And like I told ya,

I couldn't see very much

because I was looking
through the cracks.

But I heard something.

I checked with
Monty's assistant.

Ben ain't heard from him.

We went over to his bungalow.

Everything's in order.

A couple of the guys
figure he's out on a toot.

That's a lie!

Monty's been off the
sauce for two years.

she's right, Max.

Monty promised me
he was off the stuff

when he came on with us.

And I don't think he'd slip.

He's got too much
going for him now.

Darling, maybe we
should call in the police.

Well, he's not a missing
person for 24 hours.

about what I told ya?

You don't believe me, do ya?

Riley, we do believe you.

That's why we're here.

The only problem is we
don't have enough evidence

to give to the police.

Max, why don't you and Riley
check out the other stables.

We'll check out the clubhouse
and see what we can find.

I'll pick you up
on the way back.

Sure thing, Mr. H. Come on, kid.

Mr. Hart.


Uh, Waldo Sommerton.

We haven't met, but I
feel as though we should.

This is my wife.

It's a pleasure. How do you do?

My associate, Mr. Cleaver.

My horse, uh, Diamond Edge

will be racing
against your horse.

Oh. Well, we're
very excited about it.

This is her first time out.

Well, I generally
bet first-time starters,

but under the circumstances,

I'm sure you'll
understand if I pass.

Do you know our trainer Monty?

Yes, of course.

Ah. We're looking for him.

Well, as a matter of fact,

I saw him around here
earlier this morning.

Yes, he was looking
for the girl, uh...



Well, if you see him,

have him give us a
call, would you please?

Riley will be with
us. We appreciate it.

SOMMERTON: Be glad to help.

See you on Saturday.

JENNIFER: Nice to meet you.

Pleasure. Have a good day.


The Harts seem to have
taken that child under their wing.

Do you think if we apply
a little pressure to the child

the Harts will
do the job for us?

First we have some
tidying up to do.

There's the little matter

of Monty's unfortunate accident.

Isn't this getting to be a
bit sticky, Mr. Sommerton?

Sticky is exactly
the way we'll end up

when they scrape us
up off the pavement.

I just meant, couldn't
we wait for another race?

No, Diamond Edge is ready.

She can race again in two weeks.

Two weeks?

Where have you been, Cleaver?

Payday is Monday.
The notes come due.

And if we don't cover
them, we'll end up

like the rest of the also-rans:

in a can of dog food.





You're not bad at this.

My old man taught me good.

Now, that's $22.80 you owe me.


JONATHAN: I'm good for it.

What about your family?

Well, my mom got
killed in a car crash

when I was a kid.

So my old man raised me.

He's a track gypsy,
follows the circuit.

You know, Pimlico,
Los Alamitos, The Big A.

And a lot of dumps in between.

Where's your dad now, Riley?

He took off a couple years ago.

He wasn't great
with responsibility.

You know.

That's when you moved
in with your uncle?

Monty ain't really my uncle.

He was just a drinking
pal of my old man's.

MAX: Come on, Riley,
time to hit the hay.

Hey, Mom, don't let the
apron go to your head.

It's early enough to give
Mr. H. a chance to get even.

MAX: Tomorrow's a school day.

RILEY: School?

I'm not going to
school tomorrow.

No? Well, I say you are.

RILEY: Who needs it?

I can spell Zippity Doo Dah

and tell you who went
off at 14-to-1 today.

And if you played him
and Bold Villain in exacta,

you would have netted
yourself a telephone number.

Come on, kid, before I
take your calculator away.

Max, wait a minute.

I'm out $22.

Twenty-two, eighty.

Well, at least you could
give me a good night kiss

to cover my losses, huh?

Good night.

Good night. Thanks.

Good night, Riley.

Good night.

You're a real
pretty lady, Mrs. H.

Well, thank you.

So are you.

Aw... Mr. H., you
think Monty took off?

Like my old man?

No, I don't think so, Riley.

I don't think that Monty
would do something like that.


Well, keep the cards shuffled.

Go ahead, I'll be up in
a minute to tuck you in.

Do you wanna put the
sides up on my crib too?

Now go.

Monty should have
shown up by now.

At least we should
have heard from him.

JENNIFER: Unless he really
did go off on another binge.

JONATHAN: Nah, I don't
really think he did that.

I have a feeling somebody was
putting the pressure on Monty.

Darling, do you
think it's possible

that someone could
have taken Monty off

for a couple of days just
to make J.J. nervous?

Yeah, it's possible,

but we're talking
about this race

like it's the Kentucky Derby.

It really isn't that important.

I mean, what could
anybody get out of it?

You think we should pull
her from the race anyway?

think that's necessary.

Ben can take up the slack.

JENNIFER: We better ask
him to horse-sit for a while.

Yeah, maybe we
should. I'll give him a call.

Why don't we just go down there?



Come in.

Hiya, Riley.

Hiya, Maxie.

Have you got them teeth and ears

and all those little
nitty-gritty places?


I'd tell ya a bedtime story,

only I don't know
any fit for a kid.

So instead, let's
dope out the sheets.


What do you think about
Chocolate Pop in the third?

Chocolate Pop?

The only thing that
horse will give you is zits.

Hound of the Baskervilles.

Are you kidding?

Last time out, not
even Sherlock Holmes

could find him at the finish.

I'm telling you, Hound
of the Baskervilles.


From the horse's mouth.

You know, you got a
real nice family there.

The Harts?

They're the best.

People with families,

they don't know
how lucky they are.

Especially at Christmas.

You know, I got a grandma.

Yeah? Where is she?

I don't know exactly.

Monty's been trying
to track her down,

sending letters
all over the place.

You got no idea how
many Rileys there are.

Maybe Mr. H. can help you.

He's a well-connected guy. Yeah?

That'd be nice.

'Cause I think I'm gonna
be all alone at Christmas.

MAX: Come on,
Monty will be back.

No, he won't.

I'll bet you he shows
up tomorrow morning.

Probably lost
his key, that's all.

'Cause he's sloshed.

Look, he ain't
perfect, nobody is.

Maybe he took a drink,
maybe more than one.

But I'll bet you tomorrow
morning he shows up,

scratching at your door

with his tail between his legs,

begging you to forgive him.

Yeah, well, maybe he
will come home tonight.

But what if he did lose his key?

He'll sleep with the horses.


Give me a good-night kiss.

You know, you could make
somebody a terrific mom.


Good night, Maxie.

Good night, kid.
Pleasant dreams.

Now, shh, Freeway.



Be quiet.

"Dear, Max,

"gone to see a
man about a horse.

Back in an hour with ice cream."

Hm. And I didn't get a
chance to pick a flavor.


What's with Freeway?


Hey! The kid!

Gee, I don't think
I like being a mom.


MAX: Don't worry,
Freeway. We'll find her.


That's enough.

A car's pulling up.

Let him go. Let him go.

Hello? Anybody here?

You in there, Riley?

Hello? Anybody here?


MAX: Let me out! Hey! Help!


Hi, uh, I'm sorry to intrude,

but the door seems to be locked.


Wait a minute,
don't get excited. I...

I'm sure we can
work something out.







Get me out of here!


Mr. H.

Max, get back.

I'm trying. I'm trying.

JENNIFER: Jonathan!

Easy, now, easy!


No, Riley, don't go in there!

RILEY: Stiletto, calm down!

Easy, boy.

There you go.

Well, that's very
impressive, Riley.

Well, he's okay once
you get to know him.

He just doesn't like
strangers in his stall.

I got the message.



It's Monty.

Is he drunk?


[SOBBING] Monty.


I'm sorry.





JENNIFER: Good morning.

How's Riley?

Freeway's keeping watch
over her, she's still asleep.

I didn't have the
heart to disturb her.

You know, there's
something still puzzling me.

How could you get
trapped in that stall

so conveniently?

I'm telling you,
something sure smells,

and it ain't the horses.

Did you talk to Lieutenant
Grey this morning?

Yes, I did.

He doesn't honestly believe
it was an accident, does he?

Well, the police admit that
the bump on Monty's head

was not made by a horse print.

MAX: And I'll bet
you the autopsy report

will show that most of
the booze is on the floor

and not in Monty.

Somebody wanted him to do
something he didn't wanna do.

Like mess with J.J., huh?

Well, what do you know.

The handicappers
picked J.J. as the favorite

in tomorrow's race.



His only competition
is Diamond Edge.

Take a look.

Diamond's Edge.

She's owned by
that man Sommerton.

Didn't Diamond Edge
have a couple of good starts,

but is not doing
very well lately?

MAX: That's right.

But I heard that horse

is much better than she shows.

A stable boy told
me that she's ready

to run her shoes off.

Well, she's listed
here at 20-to-1.

That's pretty strange odds

for a horse that's ready to go.

Yeah, at 20-to-1,

a heavy better could
make a big bundle

on Diamond Edge.

All you'd have to
do is to make sure

that the best horse
in the race, J.J.,

didn't come in first.


Mr. Sommerton.


I don't think the police
bought poor Monty's accident.

Look, I'm not
interested in the past.

Did you phone in the bets?

Yes, Mr. Sommerton.

But there are some... But what?

It's too late for buts.

About the kid.

I contacted a
couple of gentlemen

who will pick up
the little package.

MAN: Hey, Ben, I got
somebody on the phone.

You know where Riley is?

Why, who's asking?

Kid's grandmother.

No kidding?

Monty's been
looking all over for her.

MAN: Looks like
they found each other.

BEN: I'll go up and point
her in the right direction.

Thank you. MAN: You bet ya.

My friends would
like some front money.

You just put your
friends on hold.

I have a cleaner idea.


JONATHAN: There we are.

That's just about...



MAX: Ho! Ho! Ho!

Merry Christmas.


Let me help you with that.

Max, we've got
some news for you.


Riley's grandmother called.

She's coming up to get her.

That's great.

It's always nice to have
family for Christmas.

Does the kid know?

Oh, yeah. She's
upstairs getting ready.

Her grandmother
comes from Buffalo.

Hey, Buffalo.

That's real cold, ain't it?


I got it.

Hart residence.

This is Constance Riley.

Who is this, please?

This is Max.

Oh, hello.

I'm Ernestine's grandmother.


I'm not feeling all that well

and I was wondering,

could someone drop
Ernestine off at my hotel

if it's not too much trouble?

Certainly, Mrs. Riley.
It ain't too much trouble.

Thank you so much.

So you'll come now?

Hotel Barrow, Room 101.

Got ya.

I'll have her there in a jiffy.



Ah, Ernestine, dear.

Would you please pass this

to your Uncle Max?

Thank you.

I'm so very happy to
have found you at last.

Riley's a little concerned
about no horses in Buffalo,

but I told her it
wasn't the case.


As a matter of fact,

we have our own
stables at the house.

You do? Oh, yes.

Horses have always
been in the Riley family.

See, what did I tell you?


Right, Howie.


Okay, you make
those calls for me

and check on the
off-track betting.

I'll call you first
thing in the morning.

Right. Thanks very much.

What did he say?

It's too early to tell if
there's any big money

going down on the race tomorrow.

Well, there certainly won't
be any big bets at the track.

No, that would blow the odds

and it would blow
Sommerton's cover.

I just had a very
interesting call.


The gate buzzer just rang.

It's Riley's grandmother.
She's on her way up here.


Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart,
I'm Constance Riley.

I don't quite understand.

Understand? I'm
here to pick up Riley.

But you're not supposed
to be feeling well.

Oh. Heh.

Who told you that?

What's the name of that hotel?

Well, I ought to be shoving off.


Who could that be?

Ernestine, hand me
the phone, please.


Oh, yes.

Just a moment.

It's for you, Max.

For me?


Max, I think grandma's a phony.

Better get out of
there right away

and take Riley with you.

We're on our way.

Sure, Mr. H.

A bottle of soy sauce
and a dozen eggs.

Thank you.

They got their hearts set
on eggs fu yung tonight.

Well, I guess I'd
better be going.

Oh, wait a minute, I just
remembered something.

I forgot to give you

your Christmas present.

Well, it ain't Christmas yet.

I like to get a jump on things.

Walk me down to the
car and I'll give it to you.

SOMMERTON: Don't rush off, Max.

You can give us all a lift.



Darling, listen to this.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Hart,

"thank you for being
so kind to Riley,

"we will try to be the same,

"but that will be
entirely up to you.

"Love, Granny.

P.S. Max says you should
send out for Chinese."


told you, lieutenant,

the phone call was very brief.

They said we either
pull back our horse,

or we'll never see Max
and the little girl again.

Why don't you just
scratch the horse?

JENNIFER: We can't.

If we do that, the
odds will go down

on Sommerton's horse.

What makes you so
sure it's Sommerton's?

she's going off at 20-to-1.

I talked to a friend
of mine in Vegas.

He checked with a few people
he knows and he told me that

there's a lot of heavy money
going down on Diamond Edge.

Look, Jonathan,
what do you want?

I mean, I can't go
on your speculations.

Now, what I need is facts.

JONATHAN: Which is exactly
why I'm not on his doorstep.

Have you spoken to
the racing association?

JONATHAN: Yes, I've talked to
the racing association and officials.

They've been keeping
quite an eye on Sommerton.

They need evidence
just as you do.

Well, why don't they
scratch the whole race?

We've thought of that.

If we did that, that
would be the end

of Max and Riley.

Look, lieutenant,
we gotta play for time.

Now, win, place or show,

we've got to get to them

by the end of the
eighth race tomorrow,

or that'll be it.


Hey, you ain't eating your dogs.

I'm not hungry.

So I don't have a
grandma after all.

Ah, who needs a grandma?

Ah. Besides, you don't
wanna go to Buffalo.

It's cold there.

Did you really get me
something for Christmas?

Sure, I did.

Well, what is it?

You'll find out Christmas.

Do you think we're really gonna
make it to Christmas, Maxie?

Do you think they're
gonna let us go?

Yeah, sure they will.

We can really blow
the whistle on them.


They ain't gonna let us go.

Come on, kid.

We gotta think of a way
of breaking the odds.

horses are in the paddock area now

for the eighth race at
six-and-one-half furlongs.

Oh, there you are, Mr. Hart.

I've been looking
all over for you.

You find anything?

Not yet, but we will.

Between my security
people and the police,

Mr. Sommerton won't be
making any swift moves.

Try not to worry.
We'll find them.

You don't mind an extra
pair of eyes, do you?

Sure, as long as they're yours.

I'll meet you up in
the box, all right?

I don't know whether or not
you caught it, Mr. Sommerton,

but the place is
crawling with plainclothes.

Are you sure?


Too many touts with black
shoes and white socks.

Well, maybe it's time
to tidy up the loose ends.

Make sure you're not followed.

ANNOUNCER [ON PA]: Riders up.

Good luck, Davey.

Thank you, ma'am.

You go get 'em,
girl, you're the best.

horses are coming on the track.

And number four, Magnetic Charm,

who is owned by
Mr. and Mrs. Mort Heller.

Jockey wearing
yellow and red silks.

And number six is J.J. Hart,

who is owned by Mr. and
Mrs. Jonathan Hart.

The jockey is wearing
red and black silks

with two white
hearts on the front.

Number seven is Old Martino.

Number eight, Amazin'.

Number nine, Spiffy.

Number ten is Ginger Candy.

And number 11 is Diamond's Edge,

owned by Mr. W. Sommerton.

The jockey is wearing
green and white silks

with white shamrocks.




Excuse me, sir.

Do you know which is the
way to the ladies' room?

Uh, let's see, um,
I think it's that way.

No, it's back just
around the corner.

Oh, thank you very much.

Good luck.


I'm sorry you didn't
enjoy your last meal.

Wait a minute,
you can't do this.

She's just a kid.


And what's your excuse?

When the horses
go off, so do you.

The horses are at the gate.

The flag is up.



ANNOUNCER: And there they go!


That ought to keep you
locked up for a while.

You all right?

Your timing was awfully close.

Come on, we got a race to catch.

the outside, by a length.

Magnetic Charm is fourth.

Then Faithful Lady
and Old Martino.

Around the turn, it's,
uh, Diamond Edge,

in green and white silks,

taking the lead by a head.

Jake's Blue Devil
is second by a neck.

Faithful Lady, third, now
moving up on the outside.

Come on, J.J.!

Magnetic Charm is fourth.

Ask Alice is fifth.

And J.J. Hart is
closing much ground

in the middle of the track.

Diamond's Edge
is still in front,

but here comes J.J. Hart

in the red and black silks.

Turning for home,

it's Diamond Edge
taking the lead

and drawing out by
a length and a half.

Sherry's Song is second
by three quarters of a length.

Magnetic Charm, third.

Diamond Edge on the rail

and J.J. Hart closing strongly.

Diamond Edge is still in front.

But here comes J.J. Hart

in the red and black
silks on the outside.

Now it's Diamond
Edge on the rail

and J.J. Hart closing strongly
in the middle of the track.

Diamond Edge and J.J. Hart.

Diamond's Edge and J.J.
Hart. They're head and head.

And J.J. Hart is the
winner by a nose!

Diamond Edge, second,

with Ask Alice finishing third.



Sorry to put our heart
before your horse.

Hey, we won.



you doing, darling?

She's killing me.

That's an even 40 bucks.


Well, don't you look
wonderful, Constance.

Thank you. Hi, Grandma.

Hi, darling.

And thank you for the most
wonderful Christmas present

I've ever had.

MAX: You ready?

You look gorgeous.

Well, thank you, Maxie.

RILEY: You're going
out again tonight?

Well, I gotta show
Constance here

the Christmas ornaments
on the palm trees.

You said that last night.

MAX: Hey, kid, give me a break.

Well, don't just come
waltzing in at all hours.

Let's get my grandmother
home early tonight.

Don't forget, we got the
early flight in the morning.

I'll watch him.

Good night.

Merry Christmas to you all,

and to all a good night.


Have a nice time.

What's the matter, Riley?


Hiya, Freeway.

I was just thinking,

it's gonna be tough
raising a grandmother.


Will you deal?