Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 2, Episode 8 - Ex-Wives Can Be Murder - full transcript

When Max's long-dead ex-wife suddenly reappears, kidnapping and a hot diamond necklace are not far behind.


NARRATOR: This is my boss,
Jonathan Hart, a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them,

which ain't easy,
'cause when they met,

it was murder.





Did you hear that?


Jonathan, wake up.


What is it?

It's a noise downstairs.

I think we have a burglar.


Either that...

or we've got some
awful big mice.




[SOFTLY] In the kitchen.



Thank goodness it's you.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. H.

Did I wake you up?


do you know it's
4:00 in the morning?

Where are you going?

There's an all-day
boat out in Malibu.

And the yellowtail are running.

Well... you go run
after the yellowtail,

and I'm gonna
jog on back to bed.

I'm sorry I woke you up...

but it's worth it when we
have fresh fish for dinner.

Well, that's terrific, Max.

Put me down for
six cans, will you?

You got it.

Sorry, Morty. The bus was late.

Hey, what's the matter?


My God, they killed him.

JENNIFER: Darling.


What's a seven-letter word
for the road to perdition?

What's that?

I can't hear you with
the water running.

A seven-letter word
for the road to perdition.


Not you.

I've got it.


As in the first line
of Dante's Inferno.

Ah, yes.

"Hell hath no pathway

like a woman scorned."

No, no, no. That's
William Congreve.

Besides, I'm not
a woman scorned.

Well, I... I certainly hope not.

Not with a Sunday like this.

What do you mean?

Well, uh, all the newspapers.


Sooner or later we're gonna

run out of things to read, huh?


What a good idea.




Could I speak to Max, please?

It's very important.

I'm terribly sorry, but Max...

Max has gone
fishing for the day.

He won't be back until tonight.

Well. That's a fine

I'm, uh... I'm just
standing here, uh...

Uh, waiting for
him to pick me up.

He said he'd pick me
up when I got into town.


He did?


Uh, hey. M-maybe
you could help me out.

I'm Pearl Danko.

I was married to
Max once upon a time.

And I'm just, uh, standing
here at the bus terminal

waiting for him to pick me up.

You think since he's not home
that you could you pick me up?

Uh... Well, uh, if...

If he said he'd pick
you up and he can't,

I suppose, uh...
Uh, we could, yes.

How will I recognize you?

Ho-ho, I'm easy to spot.
I... I'm wearing a red dress.

All right. We'll pick
you up in half an hour.



Who are we gonna
pick up in a half an hour?

Pearl Danko.

Pearl Danko. Now
that's a familiar name.

It should be. She's
Max's ex-wife.

Did you get rid of the body?

No problem. Don't
worry about it.

Do we take her?

No, not yet.

Well, what are we waiting for?

We gotta make sure
no one else is involved.


Darling, didn't you
ever meet Pearl?

No, I didn't.

Max and I go back a long way,

but not that far.

Max hasn't talked
about her in years.

JENNIFER: You know
what's even funnier?

His going off fishing on the day

she's supposed to arrive.

That just isn't like Max, is it?

No, it isn't.

Let's see now...

Oh, there's a
lady in a red dress.

maybe that's her.

Pearl Danko? That's me.

Oh. Hello. You
must be Mrs. Hart.

Oh, please, call me Jennifer.

This is my husband, Jonathan.

Hi. How do you do?

It sure is nice of you two
to help me out like this.

It's our pleasure. Do
you have luggage?

Oh, I do. Uh, would you mind?

See you in a minute, darling.

Why don't we go wait in the car.


Okay, let's go.



Sorry about the mess.


You look exhausted.

Yeah, I'm kind of raggedy.
You know, long trip.

What's the matter? Darling?

Is anything wrong?

Two guys were crazy
about your luggage, Pearl.

What is the world coming
to when you're not even safe

carrying beat-up,
old bags like that?

Anything you packed
worth fighting for?

No. Are you kidding?

Only thing I got
that's priceless

is a picture of
Max in a sailor suit.



After all this time I thought,
"Aw, what good fortune.

At last, it will be mine."

And now you two.

I cannot comprehend how
you could have messed up so.

Well, uh... we
took care of Morty.

So Morty is ready
for the mortician.

How does that serve me?

He was the only
other fence in town.

And now...

Pearl has to deal
with you, dear.

Not necessarily so.

You say that Pearl was picked
up by a couple in a Rolls-Royce?

Yeah, that's right.

Uh, the license was "1 HART."

Well, our Pearl

is definitely not a
Rolls-Royce type.

I think she may have
found a wealthy buyer.

What are we gonna do now?

Why don't we
make Pearl an offer.

Let's offer to allow
her to remain alive.

Morty's condition should
be pretty persuasive

in that regard.

Hey, uh... that all
sounds very good,

but, uh, we don't even
know where Pearl is.

Use your contacts.

Check out the license plate.

Uh, do you have
any other questions?

Uh... No.



Boy, you got some collection
of oldies but goodies.

Well, thanks.

But, uh, that's
Max's collection.


I should've known,
because of the song.

That's the song.

♪ My poor heart is sentimental ♪

♪ Not made of wood ♪

♪ I got it bad ♪

♪ And that ain't good ♪

Max walked into the
nightclub and saw me singing it.

Well, what can I tell you?

We both got it bad.

Boy, it was good...
For a while, anyway.

We got married.

Oh, the war was on.

You should've seen
the place we lived.


The whole apartment
would fit in your fireplace.

Well, Max has spoken
lovingly of those days.

You must have shared

some happy memories together.


Some not-so-happy ones too.

Ah, well. It'll be good
to see him again.

I can't imagine Max
not remembering

that you were arriving today.

Um... Well, uh...

I can explain that.

Oh, please do. Because
it's not Max's style

to forget a pretty lady.

Well, folks... You see, he...

He isn't exactly expecting me.

Uh, when we spoke last, he said,

"If you're ever in L.A.,
you give me a jingle."

And, uh, well, uh...

so here I am, uh, jingling...

- -so to speak.

You mean, he doesn't
know you're here?

Well, it... It's
sort of a surprise.

What do you think?

Well, I, uh...

I think he'll be
surprised, all right.



I think the great fisherman

has returned from the sea.

Oh, my heart is pounding.

Darling... maybe you
ought to go tell Max

he has a visitor.

Well, that's a good idea.

Maybe he'd like to throw
some cologne on or something.

Excuse me.

Well, uh... I hope
Max isn't too surprised.

I mean, it's been a long time.

Lot of gin's gone over the dam,

if you get my meaning.

Hey, Mr. H. Wait till
you see what I got.

Uh, Max... You heard
about the one that got away?

Well, all this one got
was anchors aweigh.

And I reeled him in.

Speaking of reeling, uh...

do you remember
your ex-wife, Pearl?

Remember her?
How could I forget her?

Why? What about her?

Uh, she wants to see you.

And she's here now.

Here? Impossible.

Pearl's dead. She's
been dead for years.



Will you look at that puss.

Maxie. How are you?

Hey! You're looking at me

like you're seeing a ghost.

Well, in a manner
of speaking, I am.

I thought you were dead.


A lot of people did.

I wanted it that way.

Uh, after staying
low for 10 years,

I finally said to
myself, "What the hell."

Staying low?

You mean like, uh...

sort of being out of
sight, out of mind?


It seemed like the
best way to go on living

was to have certain
people think I was dead.

Certain people?

Yeah, you know.

My brother, Joey...
May he rest in peace.

Died in a car accident.

Everybody thought
I was with him.

And I just let them
go on thinking that.

Was your brother, Joey,
involved with the underworld?

Well, uh, I didn't
know too much about it.

Uh, he was, uh,
just a delivery boy.

A... A middleman.

Unfortunately, he got
caught in the middle,

and boom, his car blew up.

Those people don't
care who they hurt.

Well, I got so shook
up from all that,

I just decided to take
a powder to Arizona.

And that's where
you've been all this time?

There, and... a lot
of other places too.

Slinging hash, making ends meet.

No great shakes, but...

I've been getting by all right.

But that's a whole other story.

Maxie! How are you doing?

Well, uh, I'm sorry to hear

about your brother,
Joey, and all that,

but it's real sweet of you

to drop by and pay me a visit.

Well, I'm here in L.A.,

and I thought to myself,

"How is Maxie doing?"

Thanks, Pearl.

I'm sure glad you
ain't dead. Ha-ha.

Hey, how about
staying for dinner?

I just caught a lot of fish.

Oh. I don't know. Uh...

Please. There's plenty
of food for everyone.


And afterwards, I'll
drive you to your hotel.

Where you staying?

Uh, well... Well, I hadn't,

uh, quite decided yet.

I understand a lot
of good places here.

Uh, maybe you
could recommend one.

Well, you're perfectly
welcome to stay here.


Why not?

Hey, I better get dinner ready.

Hey, Maxie, I'll help you.

I'll chop the onions.
It'll be like old times.

Good. Then we can
both cry together.

Well, what do you think?

About what? About
Max or about Pearl?

No. About what's going to happen

to Max now that Pearl is here.

Well, you never know.

They may make
beautiful music together.

Oh, I don't know, darling.

If he gets it bad
this time around...

it might not be so good.


can fence a painting.

But it has to be a good one.

Listen, somebody's
here. May I call you back?



Well, did you check
the license plate?

Yeah. The Rolls is registered

to somebody named Jonathan Hart.

Jonathan Hart
isn't just somebody.

He's a very wealthy man.

He can afford to buy
what Pearl is selling.

We got his address.

Why don't we just
go to his house,

break in and take what we want?

No. It's too risky.

I hear the Hart
estate is well-equipped

with security devices.

Oh. Then we'll have to
think of something else.

Yeah. Won't we just?


♪ Aw, he don't treat
me Sweet and gentle ♪

♪ The... ♪

Woo. I ain't gonna bite ya.

Uh, maybe you... You
better steam the rice.

What's the matter?

You afraid of doing a
little steaming of your own?

Pearl. That is
not the right pot.

Use the big one.

Honey, do you mind
measuring the water first?

Listen, Maxie, honey,

you haven't changed
all that much.

And neither have you.

This sure does bring
back old memories.

Oh, yeah.

Boy. You were
always a lot of fun,

but you were touchy.

You know that drives me crazy!

Nothing cooks right

with the wrong lid on the pot.

Okay, Mr. Perfectionist.

Where is the
socially correct lid

for this highfalutin pot?


I hope Pearl's visit

isn't gonna turn
into Pearl Harbor.

Well, whatever happens,

we have to let them
work it out for themselves.


Uh, I'm sorry, Pearl.
I guess I'm on edge.

Oh, yeah. I'm a
little nervous too.

Boy, don't that look good.

Yeah. You know, I poured
my heart into this sauce.

What do you think?

If you ask me,

you could've poured a
little more wine into it.

It's a cream sauce.

Too much wine drowns it.

Ha. Since when
can you drown a fish?

Pearl, you can't...

Oh, come on, you big lug!

A little shot of vino
never hurt a fish!

MAX: How was I ever
married to you? How?

Jonathan... We
can't get involved.

But, what if they...?

Kill themselves?

No. Ruin the dinner.

PEARL: three sheets
to the wind. And how.

Come on.


It's the second time today

I caught the one that got away.


Come on, Freeway.

Come on.



WOMAN: Hello?

PEARL: Hello, Sylvia.

SYLVIA: Pearl.

How smart of you to call.

You killed Morty. Why?

[SIGHS] Because I'm
the fence you will deal with.

Now, where is the necklace?

Will you meet my price?
You know what it's worth.

I'll give you 100,000.

Ha. You're joking.

It's worth millions.


Pearl, don't be tiresome.

Now, do you accept my offer?

Thanks, but no thanks.



Can't we get some sleep?

Soon. [SIGHS]

I think it's about time
we stopped letting Pearl

string us along.


Go to sleep.

I'll explain it all to
you in the morning.






This reminds me of when
we were first married.

Oh, yeah.

Coney was one of
my favorite places.

And they had that Ferris wheel.

Wasn't that great?

Ferris wheel?

Don't you remember?

I used to put my arms around ya,

and we got to the top.

And you could see the
lights shining across the bay.

The only lights I ever saw

were shining in your eyes, Max.


What a lovely day for a picnic.

Wasn't it nice of
Max to invite us?

Oh, I think he needed
us here for moral support.

Tell me something, darling.

Do you think that he and Pearl

are gonna... you know,

go back together again?

Well, tell me something.

Would that make you sad?

Ooh, not for Max.

For us.

Oh, I don't think we're going

to quite marry him off just yet,

but something about
all this does bother me.

I'll bet I know what it is.


Pearl showing
up... all of a sudden.

Maybe I'm overreacting,

but, you know, Max
and I go back a long way.

Hate to see him
get hurt. That's all.


Me too.

PEARL: You know,
this was some swell time.

MAX: You really had a good time?

PEARL: Oh, yeah. It was aces.

It really was.

MAX: I'm glad, Pearl.

Nice seeing you again.

Maybe, you know,
sometime in the future

we could really get to
know each other again.

Well, there have
been a lot of changes

in all these years,
Pearl, but we can try.

Why not?

Max. I may have to
go to San Francisco

for a couple of days next week.

If I called you and asked
you to send me something,

would you do it without
asking any questions?

Okay, Pearl, what are
you mixed up in this time?

Another one of your
get-rich-quick schemes?

No, honey. This
is strictly business.

Sure, Pearl.

You see the funnies today?

Are you kidding with that?

You might as well
do as they say, Max.

These guys would as
soon kill you as look at ya.

You know these gorillas?


Business as usual, huh, Pearl?

I'm sorry, Max.

My cup runneth under. Aw.

And not only that, but I have
a meeting back at the office.

Oh, darling. We haven't
even seen all the fish

in the aquarium.

Couldn't you be a little late.

You mean, uh,
just for the halibut?


I'll pretend I didn't hear that.



JONATHAN: There's Max and Pearl.

Yeah. Who's that with them?

JONATHAN: I don't know,

but they're after more
than suitcases this time.

Max! Pearl!

Come on. Hey, Max!

Hurry up.



Hey! Max! Come on.
Come on. Hurry up!

Come on. Get up. Come on.






Oh. She's in real bad shape.

I'll call an ambulance.



No, no, no, Pearl. Don't move.

Help's on the way.

She's lucky to be alive.

What about Max?



PA]: Dr. Litchfield...


Uh, excuse me.

Doctor, how is she?

Still unconscious.

She suffered a
severe concussion.

Oh, she's gonna be all
right though, isn't she?

We hope so.

We'll just have to wait and see.

Well, thanks very much.

Oh, boy. [SIGHS]

The police can't help us.

Neither can Pearl.

How are we gonna find
out what's going on? Mm.

The guys that took
Max want something.

We'll just have to wait
until they let us know what.



WOMAN: Mr. Hart?


Just a moment.

A friend is calling you.

One wrong word, and you're dead.

It's me, Mr. H.


Max. Are you all right?


How about Pearl?

She was injured,
but she's all right.



As you heard, your
friend is alive and well.

A temporary
condition, I assure you,

unless you return
the diamonds to me.

We don't know anything
about any diamonds.

Please, Mr. Hart, no
protestations of innocence.

You're a wealthy man.

Pearl is obviously
selling you the necklace.

You're wrong.

You have 24 hours.

If you fail to return
it to me in that time,

I'll return Max to you... dead.

And by the way, it
would be a fatal mistake

to bring the police into this.



Diamond necklace? Where?

Pearl is the only
one that would know.

And she can't tell us.


JENNIFER: I found the
jewelry case in her room,

so the necklace has
to be here somewhere.



Well, I've looked everywhere.

Did you look in the planters?

Yes, I looked in
the sugar containers

and the flour
containers, everything.

There's nothing upstairs either.

Maybe it's not here.



Yeah, Stanley.


Hey, that's great!

Yeah, we'll be
right there. Thanks.

Stanley thinks he's learned
something about the necklace.

How does he do it?

I don't know. He's a real gem.

Come on. Let's go.

STANLEY: Now, what
we've done, Mr. Hart,

is used a computer to correlate

the newspaper reports

of all the major jewel thefts

that took place within
the year of the death

of Pearl Danko's brother.

That's excellent, Stanley.
What'd you find out?

Mostly that there were a
lot of robberies that year.

Don't you think you
ought to narrow it down

to stolen necklaces, Stanley?

Good point, Mrs. Hart.
My thought exactly.

So, what we've
done is narrow it down

to these few ones.

Which few ones?
Come on, Stanley.


Now, this is the
Esterhauzy emerald theft.

It involves a $50,000 necklace

worn by the
Esterhauzy's cat, Fifi.

I think Fifi's gonna have
to find her own collar.

What else have you got?

Uh... Oh, yes.

Now, this one... is a
ceremonial necklace

made of ivory and
meteorite fragments.

It was stolen from the
Makaboob tribe of northern Brazil.

A trifle too ethnic?

No, it's a trifle too unique.

Look, do you have
anything on diamonds?

A necklace with,
uh, large stones in it.

Big diamonds.

Diamonds. Diamonds.

Let's see, diamonds...

Oh... Right here, yeah.

Okay, how 'bout this one?

The... The Daumier
diamond theft?

The case is exactly the same.


the size of those stones.

I wonder what they'd
be worth today?

Stanley, can you compute that?

That would be simple.

Uh... Let's see, they were worth

about $300,000 10 years ago.

Well, at least we know

what we're looking for now.

Yeah, the problem
is we have to find it

by tomorrow afternoon.

No necklace, no Max.

[SNAPPING] I got it.

I've got it.

What was the name of the man

who made that
phony necklace for you

for the costume ball?

Seymour Newgarten?

Seymour. That's it.

Let's pay a little
visit to Seymour.


You're not thinking
of trading Max

for some phony jewels?

I know it's risky,

but it's the only
choice we've got.

Uh, compounded, and considering

the inflation rate of diamonds,

they're worth $3 million,

give or take a few
hundred thousand.

And Max is worth every grand.

The Daumier
necklace. It's beautiful.


I remember when it was stolen.

We'd like you to copy it.

I'd be delighted, Mrs. Hart.

When do you want it?


[CHUCKLING] Tomorrow?

Yes. We'll need it by
tomorrow afternoon.

Well, that's impossible.


I'm an artisan, Mrs. Hart.

These things take time.

Mr. Newgarten...

I don't care if it
takes 10 craftsmen

all night long to
make this necklace,

I have to have it by
tomorrow afternoon.

I don't care what it costs.

No, no, no. You
don't understand.

You see this stone?

Oh, that's beautiful. It
looks absolutely real.

It is real.

Now, this... is a bad copy.

Rush, rush, rush.

Uh, Mr. And Mrs. Hart?

Who are you?

My name is Katzenbach.

If you'll please
step into the alley.



All right now.

This is as far as we go.

May I have that jewel case, sir?

You know something,
Mr. Katzenbach?

You look so much
better with your hat on

than you do with it off.

[GRUNTS] Jonathan.

Hold it.

Keep your hands where they are.

Who are you?

I told you.


Jerome Katzenbach.

I'm in insurance.

There are better
ways to sell a policy.

I can prove it. Hold it!


"Jerome Katzenbach,

"Wayfarer Insurance
Company of America,

Chief Investigator."

May I turn around now?

All right, turn around.

Why are you after the diamonds?

The company I work
for insured them.

When I heard that Pearl was
looking to fence a necklace,

I knew it had to be the Daumier.

Do you know that you hurt me?

Was Pearl involved in
stealing the necklace?

No. But her late
brother Joey was.

You two wouldn't
be hungry, would ya?

I'm starved.

Yeah, we know just the spot.

One of the few places in town

you can still get a
home-cooked meal.


You know, it's dumb
watching this jerk sleep.

I mean, what's he
gonna do anyhow?

Where you going?

I, uh, think there's a
deck of cards in the desk.

What do you owe me
from the last game?



Nothing. Deal.

Well, we'll see what
we can do about that.



He must have gone to the cellar.

Come on.

Nice work.

I ought to try to steal
you from the Harts.

You're a very pretty lady...

but I don't think you
can stop me from leaving.

Well, maybe not.

But this will.



Thanks very much, Stanley.

I had my office check
you out thoroughly.

And you are who you say you are.

Of course.

Hey, I'm sorry about that
business with the gun today.

But it was the end
of a long, hard day.

And sometimes when
I get a little hungry,

I get a little cranky.

This is delicious.

Thank you.

Why did you suspect us?

When I saw you with Pearl,
I assumed she was trying

to sell you the necklace.

As a matter of fact,
we didn't know anything

about that necklace
until, uh, this afternoon.

JEROME: I wish I could say that.

First time I heard
about those diamonds

was almost 10 years ago.

You've been after that
necklace for 10 years?


Call it a hobby. An
obsession, perhaps.

But it seems no matter
what case I'm working on,

I always find myself
looking for those diamonds.

The criminal
statute of limitations

on the case is closed.


I haven't.

May I have a roll, please?


You want some coffee, darling?

Please. Mm-hm. Hm?

Thank you.

Do you have any idea who else

might want to have
those diamonds? Hm.

The world abounds
with criminals.

Mr. Hart, you really
are facing a dilemma.

You have to trade those diamonds

for your friend,

and you do not
have the diamonds.

Have you spoken to the police?

May I have the butter, please?

Oh, sure.

Not about the necklace.

They said if we
did... they'd kill Max.

If they've been
pursuing that necklace

as long as I have...

they would, and
with no hesitation.

We're very worried
about our friend Max.

We don't want to
see him get hurt.

May I have another
piece of chicken, please?

Uh... [♪♪♪]


Thank you.

What a character he is.

[SIGHS] Oh, yes.

He certainly had
quite an appetite.

If we could just
find that necklace.


Why don't we clear
away these things,

and then I'll make some dinner.

Ha. It's a good thing

Max caught all those fish.

Mr. Katzenbach ate
everything else in the house.



You don't think...

Why not?

We've looked everywhere else.


Now, you could
catch a lot of fish

with that kind of bait.

I'll say.




SYLVIA: Mr. Hart?
You have the necklace?

Yes, we do.


On the clasp is a code number.

Read it to me.

Darling, are you
on the extension?


JONATHAN: Did you hear that?

Yes, I did. Just a
minute. I'll get it.

I'd like to talk to Max.

All in good time.

The number is seven,
two, five, five, four.

You have it.


Now may I talk to Max?

Yeah, you can do that in person.

Meet us at Bayside Supply,

Riverside and South Street.

The gate will be open.

One word to the
police and Max dies.


You didn't say goodbye.

In about an hour,

I'll say goodbye to
you for the last time.

I can't wait.


JENNIFER: Where's Katzenbach?

Don't worry.

He said he'd follow us.

And he will.


Would you care to
meet us halfway?

Then we'll make the trade.


Are you all right, Max?

I'm okay, Mrs. H.

The jewels, if you please.

Tell your man to
put the gun down.

I think your bargaining power

has been eroded, Mr. Hart.

At last.

Give it to me.


Tell your man to
put the gun down...

or she'll drop the
necklace in this vat of acid.

Put down the gun.

Drop the gun.

What took you so long?

We've been fishing, Max.

Fishing? For what?

For this.

You guys are murder.


Dr. Litchfield, call your office.

Dr. Litchfield.

Oh, Max.

They're beautiful.

I'm glad you like 'em.

I'm sorry, Maxie, I
brought you a lot of trouble.

But, then, I guess I always did.

Not always.

I can remember some
great times we had together.

We were like fire
and wind, Maxie.

We burned fast and hot.

Then one day there wasn't

anything left to burn.

We can't recreate the
past, Max. Nobody can.

Yeah, but at least we can...

remember the good times.

We got that.

That we have, Maxie.


Come in.




I'll just put these here.

Thank you.

How are you, Pearl?

Oh, I feel much better, thanks.

You're all right? Yeah.

It only hurts when I think.

Doctor says I'll be out of
here in a couple of days.


I'll probably be headed

straight for the slammer,

but what the hell?

JENNIFER: Oh, uh...

I think we have a
little surprise for you.

Oh, yeah? What?

Well, since the jewels
have been recovered,

and Van Upton and
the others are in jail,

the DA has decided
not to prosecute.

Hey! Don't that beat all?

You see, Pearl, you
got the whole future

in front of you.

That's great.

You know what I'm gonna do?


PEARL: I got this
friend in Australia.

Gold mines is his game.

And if I could find
a few investors...

Not many, you understand.

Just a few...