Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 2, Episode 5 - 'Tis the Season to Be Murdered - full transcript

Jennifer and Jonathan go undercover to identify a toy plan thief who has become a murderer.


MAX: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy.

'Cause when they
met, it was murder.



Jonathan, what a lovely day.

certainly is, darling.

JENNIFER: I know this is
gonna be the best Christmas ever.


A little too much
Christmas cheer?

Well, a little too much
for 11:00 in the morning.

Ah, I thought that was
a pretty terrific gimmick.

Buy a Christmas tree

and get all the grog
you can drink free.

I don't know.

I still prefer my
Christmas cheer

in front of the
fireplace, after dark.

That's why I come down
the chimney every night.



Wh... This isn't the way home.

Just sit tight.

I beg your pardon.


Well, now this is perfect.

You've got the girl,
you got the place.

Now, all you need is
popcorn and a doub...


Double feature.


Believe it or not,
this is business.

I, uh... I have to see
a man about a horse.


Mr. Hart.


What have you got, Norman?

You're four minutes
late, Mr. Hart.

Don't you think we're
overdoing this a bit?

We could meet in some
place that's more comfortable.

The Polo Lounge, for instance.

I'm an investigator, Mr. Hart.

I'm on a case. Your
case, to be specific.

You're also on my payroll.

Any new leads?

Someone's been
stealing the designs

from your toy company, Mr. Hart.

Well... that confirms
our suspicions.

Any idea who it is?

Not yet.

Are you familiar with this?


Yeah, you think it's your
Randy Racehorse, don't you?

It's not Randy Racehorse.

It's Pamela Palomino.

Their Pamela Palomino.

Yep, you got a leak all right.

Who manufactures this?


If only the game was that easy.

We're dealing with a
dummy corporation.

Just give me another
couple days on the case,

I'll get close
enough to tell you

what kind of aftershave
they're wearing.

Okay, Norman.

You call me when you
get something definite.

We don't call, Mr. Hart.

We contact.


Merry Christmas.



Did your horse come in?

Never left the gate.


Norman Culp wanted to fill me in

about the leak at Hartoy.

Did he have any news for you?

We don't call, lady. We contact.

Tough game. Tough game.



Damn toys!

I don't remember...





Is he...?


STANLEY: I think we can safely
assume that Norman Culp came to

his death at the
hands of another.

Uh... The... The
coroner reported finding

very large traces of "curarer."




Stanley, that's a poison.

Yes, a poison. Very deadly.

you did made a mistake

on hiring this guy.

Me? A mistake?

There is a leak, Stanley.

And somebody is obviously
stealing our designs.

I understand, Mr. Hart, y...

But you should be imminently
aware that I hired Mr. Culp

on the basis of his
professional experience,

and not his... charisma.

Well, obviously, he
didn't charm someone.

Yeah, he was
getting close, though.


JENNIFER: I can believe

someone stealing a few
plans for some toys, but...

not murdering someone.

It's not just a few
toys, Mrs. Hart.

Uh, systematically,

over the past 20 months,

someone has been trying

to drive our company
into the ground.

You have to keep in
mind what's at stake here.

One toy, a hot item,
could be worth millions.

So, what you're saying is
that it's bad for business.

You said it, Mrs. Hart.

Oh, no, Stanley, you said it.

What we need...

is someone to get into Hartoy.

Someone whose...

presence is taken for granted.

Someone who might
even get them to open up.

Someone who could
catch them off guard.

Sounds like a job
for Vern and Edna.


JONATHAN: Now, would
you look at this? Look, look.

honey, just keep going.


Uh. Mr. Hart's friends
from out of town are here.

JENNIFER: Oh, Vernon!
This is goin' on for so long.

I don't know if I can stand it.

The suspense is killin' me!

Vernon! Oh, please.

He'll be ready to
see you in a minute,

Mr. and Mrs. Swan...
BOTH: Dumper!

Ah. Yes.

at this, will you?

Would you get a load of this?

JENNIFER: Oh! You got it!

JONATHAN: Ain't that good?

I knew I'd beat this thing.

I had all the faith
in the world in you.

How do you do?

Oh, howdy. I'm Vern Swandumper.

This is my wife, Edna.

Hi. Hello.

I'm, uh, Sam Girard.
How do you do?

Mr. Hart warned me
that you were coming.

Oh! Well, we don't
get out this way much.

Fact is, we don't
get out much at all.


Well, you know, with all this

highfalutin technology,

I think it's better to end
up playing with the toys

before they wind
up playing with us.

Know what I mean,
honey? Oh, Vernon!


Isn't he a stitch?

I know what you mean. [SIGHS]

Well, why don't I
show you around?

You can see what's new.

That would be neighborly of you.



WOMAN: Oh, wait
a minute, please.

Hm? Without these,

you'll set off every
alarm in the building.

Oh! Oh!

She's right. I shouldn't
forget about these things.

Security has us
wired to the teeth.

Now, look at that. Let's see.

Isn't that cute? Real nice.

Shall we give it another try?


JONATHAN: Bye-bye!

Up this elevator is...


[LAUGHS] Hello.

What do you think
of this cool job?

Oh, look at this, honey.

Well, shoot!




Uh, right this way.

Uh, this is our chief
engineer, Eric Palmer.

Oh, well, how do you do?

Hello. Sure is good to meet you.

How do you do, Mr. Palmer?

How you doin'? I'm fine.

Uh, Eric? Eric, these are, uh...

Uh, well, they distribute Hartoy
products to half of America.

We sure do!

I see. SAM: Mr. Hart

requested that we give
them personal attention.

Oh, of course. Of course.
I'd be, uh, delighted.

What are you workin'
on here, Mr. Palmer?

Well, this is, uh...

Uh, this is... Robbie.

Oh, well, isn't he cute? Robbie.

Vernon, look at that.

Hold this for me,
will ya, honey?

You know that's a toy robot?

It sure is.

Well, he's much more than a toy.

Oh, it's a
programmable computer.

With this remote control you
can program up to 20 moves.

He's not quite finished
yet. Uh, a few more days...

SAM: Next Christmas,

he'll be so hot, he'll
gift-wrap himself.


Um, excuse me. I...

Uh, if you really want to

keep up with the
latest developments,

I hope you come
to Robbie's trial run.

Oh, we'd be delighted.

I've already held hands. I
don't see how I could refuse.

Vernon, would you quit.

Uh, will you excuse
me for just one moment?

Sure thing, Sammy.

Ahem. Thank you.

Honey, what will
they think of next?

Oh, Vernon. I don't wanna think.



What kind of a way
is that to behave

when Mr. Hart's
friends are here?

I've got things to do.

I'm telling you, this
ambulatory piece of plastic

better be ready soon.

I need another day.

You've needed another
day for the last two weeks.

I need a prototype soon,

if we're gonna tool up in time

for next Christmas's production.

I said I need another day!

All right!

In the meantime, I wanna put

some sample games together
for these clowns to take home.

Take care of it.

Yes, sir.



JENNIFER: Jonathan.
You think we fooled them?

But we better be careful.

What do you think of Girard?

I think we ought to
keep an eye on him.

I also think we ought to
play this little game out

until the end of the tour and
see what happens, don't you?

Yeah, I think you're right.

Then I think we should pack
up our marbles and go home.

Marbles? We make marvelous
sets for Chinese checkers.

Well, we just love to play
Chinese checkers, don't we?

We sure do.

Oh, Sam.

You ought to play
with old Vernon here.

Well, I'd, uh... I'd
like nothing more.

Uh, sometime.

But first, why don't I
finish showing you around?

And then I want to give you some

complimentary games and toys.

JONATHAN: I'm gonna
tell old Johnny Hart

about you, get you a raise
as soon as possible, Sammy.

are the nicest person.

JONATHAN: Well, thank you.



Well, Robbie...

Mr. and Mrs. Hart thought
they were gonna fool us.


We're just gonna
have to fool them.

Yeah, we're gonna
have to give them...

everything they ever
wanted for Christmas.

Plus a little more.


Listen to this:

"Alien invaders.

"See if you can
destroy the aliens

before they invade your planet
and the souls of your family."

Are you sure these
are children's toys?

Well, that's what I thought

until I tried to read
the instructions.



Do you wanna play too?

You know, I think we're
in the wrong business.

We ought to go into batteries.


Here, Freeway, look at that.

Bonjour. My name is FiFi.

[LAUGHS] What's yours?


Are you ready for a
game of Do Re Mi?

The company record
is 40 sequences.

Oh. What do I get if I win?

A false sense of pride.

Oh. Thank you very much.

Do you accept this challenge
before or after dinner?

I think that you're probably

going to need dinner to
heal the wounds of battle.

Besides... it isn't ready yet.

Max is in there meditating.

Meditating? Mm-hm.

Are you kidding? No.

He found a new mechanic
for the car. She's teaching him.

Now, how do we do this?

Um... we each take turns,

match up the colors.

Ladies first.



Uh, you two couldn't wait
until Christmas morning, huh?

How was your, uh,
meditation, Max?

I don't know, Mr. H.

I ain't so sure I'll know

when I'm at one with everything.

You better get at
one with that dinner

before it reaches nirvana.

Right, Mrs. H.


How we doing? [DOG BARKS]

Well, so far, so good.

Remember, the company
record is 40 sequences, huh?

How are you, big boy?


MAX: Will you please grab
that phone for me, Mr. H?

Uh... Keep going.


Oh, yes, Stanley.

Yeah, I was there all afternoon.

Very impressive.


MAX: Ow!


Merry Christmas.

I did have the feeling that
Sam Girard was anxious

to give me the 5-cent
tour and get rid of me.

Bonjour. Arf! Arf!



Oh, my God. Jonathan?!

Yeah, we had a
little blow-up, Stanley.

Someone tried to end the game...




Mr. Brent.

You wanted to talk to me.

Are you surprised?

After what you did?

I'm sorry that Mr. and Mrs. Hart

are still alive.

I'm sorry it didn't work!

It was very stupid of you, Eric.

Trying to ruin the Hart"
Christmas that way.

And what happens when
they trace that toy back to you?

And then, possibly to me?

I had to try something!

I mean, Robbie is
almost perfected!

And I didn't want
anything to hurt him.

And the Harts are too close
to uncovering this whole thing!


You're a bit shaky, Eric.

You seem to be
losing your self-control.

No. This whole
thing is just getting...

too risky.

You're not thinking of...

backing out on our agreement?



No, Mr. Brent.


That would be very stupid, Eric.



What do you want me to do now?

Just keep the Harts
in the dark long enough

for me to get the
plans to that robot.

That's easier said than done.

That dime-store detective
was only one step behind us.

Well, now he's out of step.

I may have rigged that snake,

but you're just
as guilty as I am.

If it will salve your
conscience, my boy,

I accept full responsibility.


And as you can see...

I've kept my end of the deal.


I want the robot.

Oh, and, there's an awful
lot of money there, my boy.

Don't put it all
on the utilities.

They're a bad investment.


Hello, Stanley. Hi, Stanley.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

It's nice you're
still in one piece.

Thank you.

Darling, would you show

Stanley what we found?

Oh, yes. Uh...

Stanley, you have
any idea what that is?


No. It's a transmitter.

Someone slipped it in my pocket.

And I found it.

What were you doing with

your hand in his
pocket, Mrs. Hart?

Well, I...

Oh, uh... Um...
Maybe I should, uh,

call security about this.

Well, obviously my visit aroused
more suspicions than we thought.

Perhaps it would be best not
to rely on an in-house operation.

JONATHAN: Stanley,
how quickly could you

clear someone through security?

A request from this office?

Matter of minutes.

What did you have in mind?

We have some
housecleaning to do.


Are you sure you got the
ashtrays perfectly clean?

Mr. Girard is very finicky.

Lady. They're as clean
as a baby's keister.

I don't think I've seen
you around here before.

You must have
friends in high places

to get security
clearance so quickly.

It's my karma.

I vibrate in sympathy
with the universe.

Pardon me.

Good morning, Miss Driscoll.

Good morning, Mr. Girard.

DRISCOLL: Sam, you look
tense. Is something wrong?

Oh, no. The Harts pay
us an incognito visit.

They practically get
killed by one of our toys.

But everything's
just hunky-dory.

Come on, darling.

You shouldn't let
Mr. Hart intimidate you.

I've done everything I
could to find that leak.

I helped put in our
new security system.

I've gone over every
new application.


Hart is right. We
do have a problem.

But damned if I can find it.

[SIGHS] You've got to relax.

How does this feel?


I know that in business

Mr. Hart is a very
important person.

But in every other way,

you're twice the man he is.


Sounds like Girard is clean.

He's really disturbed that
you were set up by someone.

Thanks, Max. See you later.

SAM: May I be the first

to congratulate you
on your disguises.

You could have
fooled the FBI, the CIA,

and the KGB, to boot.




Is something the
matter, Mr. Hart?

Well, either I'm falling
in love with you, Sam,

or I'm hearing music.

I must be falling in
love with Sam too.


Since glass vibrates as we talk,

I've had it jammed with music.

People can bug windows too.

Just part of the
new precautions.

With so much security,
I find it hard to believe

a leak is possible.

Just trying to keep on my toes.

Your diligence is
most appreciated.

I'm happy you feel you
can trust me, Mr. Hart.

I've gone through your reports

on projects and development.

Robbie the Robot is obviously

the hottest item.

We better keep a
close eye on him.

I will, sir.


Remember, Mr. Hart,

anything I can do, day or night.

I'll call you, Sam. Thank you.

Bye-bye. Bye, Mrs. Hart.

You've got a
terrific boss there.

Take care of him.

I do my best.

Thank you.





Can you believe this?

Something's wrong with the car.

Think I'd better
pull it off the road.

We're not out of gas.

It must be the alternator.

I'll take a look.

What is it?

We've been sabotaged.


This is some kind of a timer.

Shorted out our
whole electrical system.

Do you hear that?


Oh, look.

Isn't that one of
those toy planes?

What do they call them?

Well, those are

Oh, yes. It's cute.


Let's get back to the car.

Huh? Something wrong?

I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe nothing.

Some toy.


Let's get away from the car.

But it's good shelter.

And it's full of gasoline.

Did you get a good
look at that plane?

Close enough.

It's a fighter, but with bombs.

Come on.

You stay here. I'm
gonna try something.


Just stay here and stay low.

Watch out! He's coming back!

Hurry up!


[EXHALES] What made you
think of the garage opener?

Well, it had to be
good for something.

It never did work on the garage.



Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart,
what happened?

We had a little trouble
canceling a flight.

Stanley. I have to get in touch

with an electronics expert.

What about that old
drinking buddy of yours?

Uh, Bob Hayword?

Sure. Uh, Bob designed
the missile guidance system

for the Voyager mission.

Can you get ahold of Bob now?


As a matter of fact,
Bob and I were gonna hit

a few of the new
wave joints tonight.

New wave, Stanley?

I like to keep up to
the minute, Mrs. Hart.

crimp in your style, Stanley,

but could you have Bob at
the house at 8:00 tonight?

I'd be more than happy to.

Uh... Sorry you
missed your plane.

Hey, what's happening at
our house at 8:00 tonight?

First a little burglary,
then a little forgery.

Oh. 'Tis the season.



I promised Mr. Hart
that brainchild of yours

would be in working
order by tomorrow.

Will you calm down.
He's all finished.

I'm just about
ready to lock him up.

Good. I'll phone Mr. Hart.

I want a demonstration

first thing tomorrow morning.






Hey, Max, uh, you're sure nobody

saw you take these blueprints?

Everything went
like clockwork, Mr. H.

Girard gave me the combination,

and the lead tube
worked like a charm.

It's pretty exciting.

The last time I swiped
anything, I was 5 years old.

And I got caught.

Max. What are you looking at?

I'm meditating.

My meditation.

I want to see if my
aura has changed.


[DOORBELL RINGS] I'll get it.

Is that Hayword?



Good evening.

Hello, Bob. Thanks for coming.

Hi, Mr. Hart. Nice
to see you again.

JONATHAN: Max, can
you get us some coffee?

Certainly, Mr. H.

I need your help
with these plans.

All right.

You're Stanley's drinking buddy?

Bob Hayword?

Oh, well, it's
Roberta, actually.

Bob's what I got after working
with the guys for six years.


BOB: Let's see now.

An RF-controlled sequence motor.

A robot.

A toy robot.

And a voice capsule.


It's adorable.

Well, what I need is some
alterations on the basic plan,

and on the voice
capsule as well.

Anything you say, Mr. Hart.

MAX: Pardon me, Mrs. H.

Can I see you for a moment?

Uh, yes. Excuse me.

Yes, Max?

I want you to try something
new. Completely organic.


Old Bob sure has got
some fine lines, huh?


I thought you were on
the road to enlightenment.

When do you have to
return the blueprints?

At the crack of dawn.

They're giving the demonstration
first thing in the morning.

I guess a custodian's
work is never done.


Well, how do you like it?

I think we better get a pizza.


Sausage or pepperoni?

Mm. Hm-hm-hm.

It worked like a
Swiss watch, Mr. H.

I put the plans that Bob
Hayword altered back in the safe.

Well, that's great, Max.

Now, hurry on home
and have an eggnog.

Well, it's done.

Yeah, now whoever
steals those blueprints

and makes that robot...

they're gonna be in for
quite a surprise. [CHUCKLES]


See, uh... Uh, this is a

A prototype of the
model we'll manufacture.


Excuse me... And
now i-in the back

I've inserted a
special voice capsule

for demonstration purposes.

You see.

Well, I'm ready.

Wind it up.

I'm now programming him.

See, with this...

I can make him move forward,

I can make him turn left,

I can make him turn right,

I can make him turn
around completely,

and I can ma... Uh. Well, uh...


This should give
you an idea of what...

Ladies and gentlemen,
my name is Robbie.

You are about to see
some amazing feats

never seen before.

Watch carefully as I perform

wonder after wonder.


[LAUGHS] That's fantastic.

You know, if you could
make one of those things

that could cook better than Max,

you'd really have something.







Oh. It's you.

What are you doing here?


What did you think,

I was gonna run out
on you or something?

Uh, listen, I made a deal.

I mean, you got me into this,

but, uh... But, you know,
I'll... I'll... I'll make good.

Uh, but that's it.

All right?

Um, a-after that,
uh, I'm through.

Um... Could I have
the plans, please?



How about these, honey?

Oh, good.


Oh, darling, look...

By the way, did you get, uh,

you-know-who his you-know-what?


I think you-know-who is
wise to you-know-what.

I think so too.

It's getting pretty late.

You two are gonna
miss your sentry duty.

Do you really
think it's worthwhile,

us going back there tonight?

I think whoever killed
Eric and stole those plans,

I think when they find out
that we tampered with them,

they'll come back.

All right. I'll go
get my jacket.


JENNIFER: You know, I'm beginning
to get used to these stakeouts.

I certainly hope so.

JENNIFER: Although I must admit,

this is a lot more
comfortable than the last one.

JONATHAN: Sure can't argue that.


Tell me... why did
you choose red?

Well, it was
either red or white.

And I thought "stakeout"
had "steak" in it.




Someone's coming.


I left the gun over in
the toy-display section.

a minute. Jonathan.

Get back here.

Stand right there.

Who are you?

Well... Walter Brent.

At least this explains why
your toy-company profits

were so high the last quarter.

Yes, Jonathan, it does.

I suppose I should
say thank you.

I'd settle for goodbye.

Jonathan, you've tampered with

the blueprints for that robot.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Yes, well, let's, uh, take
a walk back to the safe.

Perhaps the trip
will jar your memory.


One more step in that direction,

and it will be your last one.

Put that on.

You certainly know
your way around.

Jonathan, I will
kill you if I have to.



Roseanne? [GASPS]

Oh. Mrs. Hart.

You scared the
daylights out of me.

Oh, I'm... I'm sorry. Uh...

Uh, look, I know this
seems odd, but, uh...

there's a man in there
named Walter Brent,

and he's got Jonathan with him.

What are you doing in
an elf suit with that gun?

And what are you talking about?

This man, Walter Brent...

he's been stealing
plans from the company.

Now he's got a gun in there,

and he's pointing
it at Jonathan.

What is wrong with this
telephone? Doesn't it work?

Isn't there another
one around here?

Oh! Oh.

That's enough, Mrs. Hart.

I do understand what
you've been saying, Jonathan,

and I will give you credit
for some fancy footwork.

But unfortunately, this time

you seem to have
put your foot in it.


Well, if it isn't
Santa's little helper.

I tried to get the
gun from her, but...

Did you get the plans?

Mr. Hart would have us believe

that he had nothing to do

with those alterations.

Sam Girard's heart would break

if he knew you
were involved in this.

I think it was Eric
who was all broken up.

He went to pieces
over you, didn't he?

Did you kill Eric?

You are a worthy
adversary, Mr. Hart.

You were the one that slipped
the microphone in my pocket

the day I went to get
my security badge.

It's a shame you
found it so quickly.

I told you there was something

about her that bugged me.

I want the plans, Jonathan. Now.

And this time... the right ones.

I'm sorry. But the
number you have reached

is not in service.

Please hang up and dial again,

or check with the operator.


Oh, yeah. It's very
amusing, I'm sure.


And if I don't get the
right plans right now...

that will be your last laugh.

I made the changes
on the original blueprint.

Well, then I'll
take the prototype.

He's in the safe.

Then get him.



I'll take that.

Uh, let me make sure
that he's the right one.

There were several
test models around.

Ladies and gentlemen,
my name is Robbie.

You are about to see
some amazing feats

never seen before.

Watch carefully as I
perform wonder after wonder.



Give the gun back
to him, Mr. Hart.

Darling... is that the
gun I was looking for?

I warn you, I won't
hesitate to use this.

I think she means it, darling.

It's not loaded.

That trick won't work, Mr. Hart.



You shouldn't play with guns.

They're not toys, you know.


Ah-ah-ah. It's still
only Christmas Eve.

You're not supposed to
open that until the morning.


You know I can never
wait until morning.

Go get it, Freeway.


He didn't have to wait.

Well, some people
are just lucky.

Shall I turn the lights on?



You are so beautiful.



See you later, Mrs. H, Mr. H.


Hey Max. Where are you going?

I'm doing a gig at
an orphanage tonight.

Oh, that's great.

You ought to be the only kid"

Santa Claus with karma.

Merry Christmas, Max.

Same to you, folks. Ho-ho-ho.


Ladies and gentlemen,
my name is Robbie.

You are about to see
some amazing feats

never seen before.

I can thrill you.

All you have to do is
press the right buttons.

Merry Christmas, my darling.