Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 3, Episode 9 - Something to Talk About - full transcript

I wanna share some news.
I'm pregnant.

Who's the lucky guy?

I am not the father.
Shelby was artificially inseminated.

- What are you doing here?
- Wade offered me a job.

- Hope it's not gonna be uncomfortable.
- Why would it be? No, not at all.

Why didn't you want to meet us?

Family has never meant
more to me than trouble.

- I wish we could start over.
- Okay. Yeah.

- Vivian Wilkes.
- I hear you bought the Rammer Jammer.

Yeah, you should
come by some time.

- Joel can give you a ride home.
- I have a ride.



You ready?

This has been the most amazing month.
Getting to know you, guys.

I'm just glad we haven't burnt
you out on Wilkes family activities.

No way! Sunrise tennis is awesome.
I love our family traditions.

I'm not sure
your boyfriend agrees.

Sorry. Catching a breath
back here.

- Pathetic. Get in shape, buddy.
- What?!

- There was one of me versus two of you.
- Oh, brother.

Ladies, nobody told me
it was tennis-skirt Tuesday.

Move along.
Nothing to see here.

Hey. Hey, I am so glad that you called.
We should make this a regular thing.

Oh, I'm just thrilled
to get out of the house

and converse with people that
don't drink out of juice boxes.

- Life of a single mom.
- Right...



Actually, I've started thinking about
moving on, the next step, dating.

Yeah.

Hey, you know, that's great.
Get back on that horse.

- Why don't you let me set you up.
- Really? You'd do that?

Yes. Just let me check and see if that
guy I'm thinking of is still available.

Okay.

Hey, what's your take
on Vivian?

Vivian, Zoe's
cousin Vivian?

- Yeah.
- She's great.

I got half a mind
to ask her out.

You should listen to that half
of your mind.

You guys would make
a great couple.

And then we'd have a fourth for tennis.
Now, I think we could totally take them.

It's true, I'm stronger on the forehand
side, but I'm a monster at the net.

Easy there, Sparky. The more you talk
about this, less appealing it seems.

All right.

Yeah.

- Yeah. See?
- Mm.

I call it Frittata Lambada.

Oh, let me guess. 'Cause it's gonna
make my taste buds dance.

- Correct. Also, because it rhymes.
- Oh. Okay.

Good morning.

Hey. I didn't know y'all were
coming by for breakfast.

No. Even though we should have,
since it's been every day for a week.

- I don't know that it's been every day.
- No, A.B.'s right.

For whatever reason, George
can't get enough of y'all's company.

You know what I mean.

Oh, George, uh, come on.

Uh, sure.

I'm gonna need you at this meeting this
afternoon with Mayor Gainey and...

Uh, the state
comptroller?

The one where he said he's
pitching us on the merger?

I thought you said that
was a waste of time.

And it is. I mean, Gainey
will never agree to it, either.

There's one thing that Gainey
and I agree upon,

is that'll be a cold day in hell
before BlueBell and Fillmore merge.

Okay. So, what's the point?

Today's comptroller
is tomorrow's governor.

He may force the issue, and Gainey's
bringing his attorney, so I'm bringing you.

Oh, joy, an afternoon
with Scooter McGreevy.

- How did I get so lucky?
- Oh, and one more thing.

You want to tell Lavon Hayes
why you're avoiding

the fine dining establishments
of BlueBell?

What? I'm not avoiding...

Well, because a suspicious man
might think

it's on account of the fact

that your ex-girlfriend's
working at the Rammer Jammer,

which would imply
you still have feelings...

Lavon, that is not the case.

That's all I need to hear.

- Okay.
- All right.

Lynly, good news. George Tucker's taking
you out to breakfast this morning.

You're welcome.

Yes, Lemon, I have been getting out
of the house. I got a lunch date today.

No, it's not with Shelby.
It's with Carolee, if you must know.

Well, I will text you proof
during dessert.

That was a joke.
I'm not gonna text you.

Okay, you go tend to your grandmother.
All right. Bye.

Oh, Brick, Thank God.
It's an emergency.

Is it the baby? Contractions?

No. Worse. It's time for my birthing
class, and I don't have a partner.

Okay, not really an emergency,
and that shouldn't come as a surprise.

When I signed up for the class,
I thought I'd be fine

being a single mom
in a sea full of couples,

but this morning I woke up
in a full-blown panic.

Shelby, can I tell you the truth
about childbirth?

They guy doesn't really
do that much.

I'm gonna be self-conscious, and
then internalize those feelings,

and that can't be good
for the baby, right?

Are you sure you can't come
to just one class with me?

Well, I...

I guess.

Sure, I... I could do that
for you. Why not?

Oh. Thank you, Brick Breeland.

- So, when is this class?
- Lunchtime today. You're free, right?

By going out to breakfast,
I thought you meant

one of those new-fangled places
where you sit at the table

and people
take your order.

No, no, no. The thing is,
the Butter Stick Bakery...

They grind their own coffee.
That's why all the cool kids come here.

- George.
- Tansy, hey, what are you, uh...?

- Butter Stick's got the best coffee.
- Yeah.

Uh, Tansy, Lynly.
Lynly, Tansy.

- Nice to meet you.
- Great. Now everyone knows each other.

Well, I got to get to the Rammer Jammer.
Shift's starting, so...

- How long you been working there?
- Um, a week, ten days.

Y'all should come by
for breakfast.

Huh. Yeah.

So, that's the Tansy
who damaged your goods, Tansy?

- Yup, one in the same.
- Should I be worried about this?

No. No, absolutely not.
Tansy and I ended a while ago.

She moved on
with Scooter McGreevy,

and I found you,
which means I won.

But you're avoiding
the Rammer Jammer.

Yes. Just because I don't feel
like running into my ex

for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It makes it hard to digest.
I get it, George. I've been there.

And that is why I am
the luckiest guy in the world.

Yes, you are.

Percy Lewis composed a symphony.
What college wouldn't want her?

Randy Foster got two photos
in the National Geographic.

What has Rose Hattenbarger
done? Nothing.

Rose, you're a great kid who's smart
and funny with loads of potential.

That is not enough.
I need to stand out.

- I need...
- Internships.

That's how I got accepted
to every college I applied to.

I did internships
all over Manhattan.

Red Cross, CDC,
Doctors Without Borders.

I got coffee for
Dr. Ruth one summer.

Internships. Got it.

Why are there no other adults
in my life I can rely on?

A.B., you're in the setting-people-up-
on-dates business, right?

Not for money.
That's illegal.

No. I told my cousin Vivian

that I had somebody great
to set her up with, but I don't.

Okay, well, why would
you tell her that?

Because I am trying to prevent
certain disasters from happening.

Okay.

Hey, I know this might be weird,
but what about Vivian and Wade?

I think they might
have a little spark.

That is the disaster I'm trying
to prevent from happening.

Zoe.

No. Oh, no, no. Not for the reasons
that you think, okay?

It's just, Vivian's just getting
back on that dating horse,

and I don't want to see her
thrown off and trampled

before she has the chance to...

To canter?

Gallop?

I don't really know anything
about horses.

It's just,
I'm in a unique position

to keep my cousin from making
the same mistakes that I did.

Please.

Well... a couple months ago,
Crickett and I made a list

of all of the eligible bachelors
for Lemon.

Let me see if it's stil
floating around.

- Perfect!
- Okay. You're welcome.

Sorry, everyone.

Uh, our comptroller was just outlining
the virtues of a town merger.

Here you go.
I know it's a tough sell,

but it gets me
out of the office.

All right,
speech is this.

Governor believes it would save
our fine state millions of dollars

if we can get some of our less populated
towns to merge... with their neighbors.

Well, I know I speak
for Mayor Gainey

when I say, we both relish
our towns' unique identities,

and can't envision a world in which
they are merged into one.

Well, hold on now.

Don't go putting words
in my mouth there, Mayor Hayes.

Tell your boss that
the people of Fillmore would love

nothing better than to link arms
and embrace our brethren to the west.

- I'm-I'm sorry. What now?
- Fillmore supports the merger.

And the progressive
thinking behind it.

Okay. What is he doing? Is he...
All right, I'm sorry. Is he serious?

Serious as a Liam Neeson movie.

Finally, I careport
some good news to the Governor.

- He might put this on his Twitter.
- A visionary alliance, Mayor Hayes.

Come here, give me a hug.

Comptroller Riley,
all due respect.

Please tell the Governor
that BlueBell is not,

and will never be interested
in merging with Fillmore.

- Uh, George?
- Never. Ever.

Every, ever.

Ever.

Seems to me,
if I was in charge of Bluebird...

That's BlueBell...

I would be thrilled to merge
with the good people of Fillmore.

I intend to fast-track this merge
with the Governor's Office.

You will be
hearing from him.

Good day, gentlemen,
and thank you

for making me
one happy civil servant.

Tucker, this is
gonna be great.

I think when the merger goes
through, I might buy a boat.

Oh, and, uh...

Tansy and I can be
your neighbors.

No, uh, not now,
not now, not now.

Twice in one day.
I'm so glad you called.

Couldn't wait
to share my news.

I have lined up
an excellent date for you.

His name is Carter Covington.
I know. Awesome alliteration.

I have some news of my own.
I'm going on a date tonight.

What? That's great news!
With who?

What do you think
you're doing?

Well, Zoe, this is what people
in my trade call "wiping down a bar".

You asked out Vivian Wilkes?

Hey, it is true what they say -
word does travel fast.

How does this have
anything to do with you?

She's my cousin,
and I'm looking out for her.

Vivian is in a vulnerable place. She's
just starting to date after her divorce.

Wow. Can I just say I am stunned?
And shocked?

And... whew... just so completely
surprised that you would not approve.

What is that
supposed to mean?

It means that I don't recall
asking for your input, Zoe.

That said, I will take
your words under consideration.

Really?

Season 3, Episode 9
"Something to Talk About"

I don't understand. What would
we even be called? FillBell?

Doesn't matter
'cause it's not happening.

By definition, a merger means
both towns agree to merge.

Regardless, Lavon, I think
you need to talk to the town.

Okay? You need to tell
them what's going on.

Have you seen BlueBell panic?
It's not pretty.

We make this go away first.

But why would Gainey even want us
to merge? He hates us!

Yeah, he's cooking something up
in that weasely little mind of his.

I have an idea
how we can find out.

We just need to appeal to someone
on the inside of Fillmore.

Someone who's sympathetic to BlueBell,
but has a foot in each town.

Someone who works here,
sleeps there.

- He's talking about Tansy.
- Yeah, I figured that out.

I really appreciate you coming.
You want to grab coffee? My treat.

Oh, I would love to,
but I need to get back to work.

- But, uh, raincheck?
- Yeah.

Shelby, you okay?

Yeah, it's just...

Nobody told me
how terrifying this would be.

The days are fine,
but the nights

just freak me out...
all alone in that hotel.

I'm worried that I'm gonna go
into labor,

and the only person that's gonna be
there is the clerk with the glass eye.

Hey, this is BlueBell,
not Bethlehem.

No one's giving
birth in a barn here.

You can knock on any door
at any time,

and someone will always
give you a ride to the hospital.

Thank you, Brick.

So, BlueBell and Fillmore are
gonna be one big super town.

I mean, what would it even
be called? MoreBell?

Well, we want to prevent
that from happening.

So we're wondering if you know
anything about

why Mayor Gainey would want
to merge.

You are close to his lawyer.

I don't know. But sounds like
you're asking me to spy on Scooter.

We don't see it so much
as spying on Scooter

as we do protecting
the beating heart of BlueBell.

There's a little spying.

You know, I always catch
Scooter reading my texts.

Besides, BlueBell has always
felt more like home to me.

But that means that I don't know
how much help I can be.

I barely ever see Scooter.
He is back and forth to Montgomery,

working on some big money deal
with his law school buddy Dan Plummer.

Wait a minute.
Do you mean Danny Plummer?

Because Danny Plummer is a certified
insolvency and restructuring advisor.

I'm sorry. I fell asleep on
the third or fourth syllable there.

Uh, he means he's
a bankruptcy expert.

Scooter's bankrupt?!
That's why we never eat out!

No, no, not Scooter.
Danny works with cities.

- That means Fillmore is bankrupt.
- That's why they want to merge.

They don't want "a visionary alliance",
they want our piggybank.

Yeah, and if we can prove that they
just want to come raid our treasury...

Oh, we take it to the Governor,
merger goes away.

If... we can find proof.

Dan Plummer's having an office
party tonight... Hawaiian luau.

Scooter said I could come along.
But I don't like Hawaiian parties.

- The costumes are so demeaning.
- Tansy...

The future of BlueBell depends
on you getting us into that party.

- You don't have appointments.
- But we're not here as patients.

- We're here as the press.
- Yeah, I'm sorry. The... press?

That's right. The Fourth Estate.
We have some questions for you.

The BlueBell Blawker
here with AnnaBeth Nass,

talking about the rumors
rumbling through BlueBell,

rumors of a town merger.

Merger? What merger?
There's no merger. No rumors.

Oh, no? Well, then tell me, why is it
that your paramour, Mayor Hayes,

has been ducking my calls?

Maybe he doesn't like the press.

Nobody likes the press
until they need us.

That's why they call us
the Fourth Estate.

That is completely incorrect.

But, AnnaBeth,
is there or is there not

any truth to the rumors
of a town merger?

No comment.
Except... get out!

Well, the Blawker will not rest
until we get the real story!

That's why they call us
the Fourth Estate.

Still no.

What-what...
he asked about the merger?

- What'd you say?
- Nothing.

Okay, I'm on my way
to Montgomery to derail this thing.

In the meantime,
you need to stall Dash!

A.B., are you okay?

Is this 'cause you heard
about Wade and Vivian?

No. The fate of BlueBell
rests on my shoulders.

It's too much!
I can't even say the words!

Okay, say it
in one breath.

Just get it out.
I'm sure it's not that bad.

Dash Dewitt found out that
BlueBell and Fillmore might merge,

and he's threatening to write
about it in his blog,

and no one can know about it, and
Lavon said it's up to me to stop him!

Promise me
you'll help me.

Hell yes! We will not spend
the rest of our lives

with a return address
of BlueMore.

- Promise.
- All right.

We in this room are the only
ones who know about the merger.

- You mean except Lavon and George.
- Possibly Tansy.

- Could be people in Fillmore.
- Shut up.

Lavon is depending on us,
and I have a plan.

We are going to concoct a juicy scandal
that will be irresistible to Dash

and will disacact him
from the merger.

Genius, right?
I can hear you rolling your eyes.

What, so Lemon's out of town, and
you're filling the shenanigan vacuum?

Well, historically,
there's a long tradition

of secret cabals dummying up
news stories to distract the press.

Um, Thatcher and the
Falkland Islands War,

uh, George Bush and Iraq...

- Whoa. You want to concoct a fake war?
- No, dummy, this is BlueBell.

We want to concoct
a fake romance.

Yeah, we could float rumors that
Shelby's baby daddy is a celebrity,

like Robin Thicke
or Lance Armstrong.

Okay, just spitballing,

but maybe we could
leak a story that you

and George Tucker
secretly got together.

- I am not really comfortable with that.
- Zoe and Wade?

- No.
- Not a chance.

I guess that leaves me and Joel,
secret affair.

- You okay with that?
- Why not?

Well, I would love to stick around for
the weirdest meeting I've ever been to.

- I've got a date.
- What, with Vivian?

You're still gonna go out with her when
the fate of BlueBell hangs in the balance?

I think you'll be fine
without me.

And, uh, I'm out of
the fake relationship business.

- Come on. Am I wrong?
- It's hard to say.

Now, to the outside observer, you might
seem a little jealous and crazy.

I'm worried.
Wade plays with women

and then tosses them aside
like chew toys or socks.

I'm trying not to let
this get to me,

but you seem a little
irrational about them.

It's not irrational,
it's evolutional.

It's not a word.

The biological instinct
to protect family...

Who, in this case, happens
to be a vulnerable single mom

who does not need
to be tossed aside like a sock.

Darwin? Natural selection?
Look it up.

Okay. Well, I guess I know what
drove fake me to that fake affair.

- I feel like an idiot.
- Yeah, I second that emotion.

Well, cry me a river.

If either of y'all want to swap outfits
with me, you're more than welcome.

So what's the plan here?

I'll go in first, get Scooter to introduce
me to Dan Plummer, distract him,

then when I give you the sign,
you find his office.

Okay. And how are you gonna
distract him again?

George, grass skirt,
coconuts on my boobs? Hello?

- Ah, yeah.
- Whatever happens, you know the rule.

Oh, yes. Keep you away
from the photocopy room.

When George and I were together, he
took me to this Bar Association thingy.

It was a new members gala.

Someone spiked the punch,
and I might...

Have, uh, done some scandalous
things at the photocopy machine.

To the photocopy machine.
She did. She...

You had to have
been there.

These coconuts are not gonna
distract themselves. I'm going in.

Starting to think this
wasn't such a good idea.

Just...

Okay, there's the signal.

Here we go.

Lemon, hey, this constant
checking in is starting

to make me feel like I'm talking
to my grade school principal.

No, I am on my way
to dinner with Carolee.

Ooh, that's her now.
Uh, just say hi to Mother. Okay.

- Shelby!
- Surprise! Well, not really.

- No, really!
- I'm taking you up on your offer!

You said that I should take advantage
of BlueBell, move in to town...

Please tell me
that's what you meant,

'cause I just got rid
of my room at the motel.

Uh, yeah, of course...

It is so relaxing here.

So good for the baby!

Where should
we put my stuff?

Nuzzle her neck
or something.

- Did you say "nuzzle her neck"?
- Are you sure?

All right.
Let me just...

Run your fingers
through her hair.

Okay.

- All right, sorry. My bad.
- A.B., look illicit.

More illicit.
Too illicit!

Just... I don't know.

Oh, hello, Wade.

Poor Vivian...
he's totally working it.

Hello, Zoe!

We are not making out over here
for the fun of it!

- Yeah, well, I mean, just a little fun.
- Sorry. Okay.

A.B., I want you to pick three
or four of the best pictures

and send them to
Dash anonymously.

That should be enough
to get him started.

If not, I'll send him
some of our dirty text messages.

You need to write those.

Oh, yeah. I'll make them
exceedingly filthy.

Perfect!
See you on the flip side.

Zoe?

Well, can you believe this? He didn't
even take her out of town for dinner.

Oh, all right.
Look, enough is enough.

It's one thing to be protective
of your cousin,

but this... this is getting
a little bananas.

Joel, I just found my family
after all these years.

Yeah...?

They're not gonna be happy with me
when this just blows up in her face.

Do you really think it's bananas
to want to keep that from happening?

No, but it is bananas to try and
forbid two adults from dating,

and then spying
on them from an alley.

I am not... Shh!

See? Bananas.

Carolee?

You sounded so sick
when you canceled dinner.

I wanted to make sure
you had something to eat.

- Oh, you shouldn't have.
- Oh, it's nothing.

Heat this for 20 minutes
at 300 degrees...

Bricky? I'm doing laundry.
Want me to throw anything in for ya?

Uh, this is...

Not what you think!

She made us dinner?
Amazing.

You were right
about BlueBell.

Mother Mary should've given birth
to her little tyke right here.

You know what I think?
I think Wade might be great for her.

I've been hanging out with the guy.
He's, uh, he's awesome.

You know? He's fun.
He's laid back.

Plus, street smarts.
Wish I had those.

Maybe you should date him.

Believe me, Wade is not as
dreamy as you think, okay?

I know better than anyone.

You know what? I should
call Vivian and rescue her.

- Zoe Hart?
- What?

Let them make their own mistakes.
Stay out of it.

It's called recognizing that
you're being nuts and butting out.

Promise me.

I think we've entered phase two.
Act natural.

Zoe, I need to show you something
at the bar... something private.

Medical. Medically private.

Dash just blasted out
a news flash.

And, well, you're gonna
hear it sooner or later.

Joel and AnnaBeth are
having an affair.

Oh, my God,
I don't believe it.

There are more pictures, Zoe.
Very graphic. He's nuzzling her neck.

God, nuzzling?
That is so illicit!

If you need a shoulder to cry on,
I've got two right here.

Is it true?
You and AnnaBeth?

Zoe, I'm sorry. We just...
We got carried away.

You know, the heart wants
what the heart wants.

- I got to ask you something.
- Well, the answer is yes.

What we are doing could
be construed as illegal.

However, the courts
have ruled

that there's
a limited expectation

of privacy at office
parties, so we...

No, no, I-I got to ask you
about Tansy.

Lavon, we had this
conversation, okay?

Mm-hmm, and then I spent a couple
hours with you two in a car.

Saw you see your ex
in a grass skirt.

Lavon, I am over Tansy.
I told you that already.

Well, maybe I'm seeing things
where there's nothing to see.

But I need you to swear that you
will not break my cousin's heart.

Lavon, I'm not gonna
break... Holy crap.

That's not what I mean.

No, I mean holy crap,
I found the Fillmore files.

- Oh, oh. And?
- Well, they are...

Most definitely not bankrupt.
Uh, far from it.

Well, we got to find
a smoking gun.

I mean, if Gainey's not after our money,
why is he supporting the merger?

Because he doesn't think
it's a merger.

He thinks it's an
annexation, look.

Well, what the hell?
Where'd BlueBell go?

- It's all Fillmore.
- Yeah.

He's gonna try and take
over the whole town.

"West Fillmore, East Fillmore"?

- Our town square's gonna be a...
- No, no. Don't look.

Don't look at that. You don't want
to look at that. I said don't...

A giant mall?

Called Gainey Shopping Center.

No! No, no, no.

No...

- I can't speak!
- Yeah, that's the first sign of shock.

So we're gonna go ahead and get you
home so AnnaBeth can take care of you.

You and Joel?
Zoe's Joel?

- That's the distraction you came up with?
- We didn't have a lot of time.

And the story has legs.
Dash is covering Joel-a-Beth 24/7.

- The photos really sold it.
- Photos?

Don't worry, uh, some nuzzling.
A little kissing. No tongue.

- I got to sit down.
- You can't.

Did you see the gathering
on your property?

Those people are holding
a vigil to show you support.

They are watching us right now.

We need to wave
our arms around,

and pretend
we're having a big fight.

- Oh, no, we don't.
- Oh, yes, we do.

For BlueBell. We need to
pretend we're having a big fight.

And then I will storm out in tears
and sleep at my place. Ready?

Wave them!

Vivian?

Is everything okay?

I was just about to ask
you the same thing.

I read about Joel and
the mayor's girlfriend.

Oh, that. You can't believe
everything you read in the Blawker.

It's fine, really.
I want to know about your date.

Look, I should
preface this by saying

that I am sorry
and I should've warned you.

What? No. It was...
a blast actually.

Wade's like a
walking carnival.

And I think I wanna see him again.
But that scares me.

Because I know it would
only be a second date,

but I'm sort of the kind of
person who gets attached easily.

Oh, my God, me, too.
It must be a family trait.

I've heard all the rumors about Wade.
I grew up two towns over.

But the Wade I was with tonight,
he was not that guy.

And I know, you two
broke up for a reason.

And so I want
to know what you think.

Vivian, I-I'm not
comfortable with...

Wade's a friend.

Just tell me this...
if you were a single mom,

and you were
just maybe ready to get

in your first new relationship
since your marriage ended,

would Wade Kinsella be
the guy you choose?

I'm gonna have
to take the Fifth..

I am recusing myself from
this conversation, like judges do.

Okay...

- I understand what you're saying.
- No, no. No, you don't understand.

Because I am neutral.
I'm Switzerland.

I'm saying nothing.
"Nothing" means nothing.

It's okay.
I get it.

Thanks, cuz.
Good night.

- Thanks for everything.
- Wha...? No, no, not-not everything.

Nothing!
You mean thanks for nothing!

Lavon, I think...

Oh, please, don't say it's time
to tell BlueBell what's going on.

It's time to tell BlueBell...

Okay, fine, I-I'll call an emergency
town meeting this afternoon.

Lavon, everything okay?
I've read about A.B. and Joel.

Don't believe
everything you read.

Unless it sails through Alabama state
legislature at midnight. Then believe it.

I got to get to the office.
Lavon will fill you in. Lunch later?

- It's a date.
- Okay.

Should I be worried?

The town is in trouble, but we-we
haven't started to fight back yet.

You let me...

Do the worrying.

Lynly?

You're not asking
about BlueBell, are you?

Lavon...

You were with George
and Tansy yesterday.

Tell me the truth. Do you think
he still has feelings for her?

Shelby, when we first met,
you were a closet organizer, right?

Florida's preeminent
closet organizer.

Right, so imagine an
immaculately organized closet

torn asunder by a tornado.

Everything used to have its place,
but now... chaos.

Maternity gowns
where the suits used to be

and-and baby booties
on the tie rack,

and-and in the drawer which used
to contain cuff links

and a social life is now filled with
birthing classes and crying jags.

I take it we've moved
into metaphor.

Shelby, I-I really need my life
to stay my life.

Brick Breeland,
you are not telling me,

at seven months pregnant,
to go find another place to live

when you were the one that told me
to stay with you in the first place!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I did nothing of the sort.

Well, then how do you
explain me being there?

How do I explain?!

You-you took advantage
of my polite nature

and the fact that
I cannot say no to you!

You hijacked my life.

You sent the woman I was
dating running for the hills.

And you've turned me
into a monster

who yells at a seven-month
pregnant single mother-to-be!

Are you okay?

Should I get you
something to drink?

Dash? Hattenbarger.
Stop the presses.

It's a saying. Do you want
to hear my scoop or not?

I appreciate you letting me
crash here, man.

Zoe and I planned
the big fight,

but never decided
who was gonna sleep where.

Everybody loves a
fake relationship

till you become
the dude sleeping

on another dude's couch.
Coffee?

- Room service. Sweet.
- Well, it ain't free.

I need some advice on the topic
of one Vivian Wilkes.

- Why? Did it not go well last night?
- No, it went great last night.

The problem was this morning.
I kept waking up

thinking I should call her
'cause I want to see her again.

Well, it sounded good so far.
What's the problem here?

Well, I'm not a "call you
the next morning" kind of guy.

I mean, come on, who does that?

I do.

I called Zoe the day after
our first date. I woke her up.

She yelled at me.
It was adorable.

Actually, I read
this Russian short story once...

I'm sure whatever you're
gonna say is fascinating,

but just put a lid on it,
will you?

Vivian Wilkes, Wade Kinsella.

You might remember me as the dashing
gentleman from last night.

Yeah.

Zoe Hart, just the person
I was coming to see.

Something wrong? The office
opens in ten minutes.

Something's wrong,
but it ain't medical.

You know me, Doc,
I'm not the kind of guy

who loses sleep over rejection
by the opposite sex.

- It's a numbers game.
- Oh, boy.

I had a pretty great time
with your cousin last night,

which makes it
all the more curious

when I called her this morning,
she had a change of heart.

Seems she decided that
because she's a single mom,

she didn't want to be hanging
around the likes of me.

What do you suppose inspired
this revelation, Dr. Hart?

Vivian came to me after your date.
She wanted my opinion.

But since I'm not the most
objective person on the subject,

- ...I recused myself.
- You did what now?

I stayed out of it.
I said "No comment."

- I'm Switzerland.
- "No comment"?

That's like saying, "Stay away from him,
he's a jerk," but with fewer words.

What? I thought you'd be happy
that I kept the truth to myself.

- It wasn't easy, you know.
- Oh, oh, the truth.

Please, enlighten me.

Any relationship that she were to have
with you probably wouldn't last.

That's fine for the Susies and
the Daisies and the Bambis,

but, you know, Vivian's a single mom
and she can't afford to get hurt.

You mean like you did.

Because you can
see the future

for everybody in the world,
as they're all just like you.

How long are you planning on
punishing me?

Because the last time I checked,
you were the one who walked away.

I'm not punishing you.

I'm protecting Vivian
because she's family.

- I was just telling her the truth.
- The truth.

Yeah. Yeah, I got that.

Or maybe the truth is
I make Vivian happy.

Maybe the truth is
that everyone in this town

can see that I've changed
except for you.

Maybe you need to ask yourself
why it is exactly

you don't want me dating
so close to home.

Zoe, I need to talk to you.

Rose, look, I'm just... I'm not
in a good place right now.

I'm going crazy. I thought
I did the right thing,

but now I think I did
something terrible.

Opened my big mouth
and hurt people.

- I've never felt so guilty.
- That's weird. Me, too.

I bet mine's worse.

I saw Lavon and A.B.
secretly smooching,

even though they're
supposed to be broken up,

so I called Dash and told him
the A.B.-Joel affair

was probably faked to throw us
off the trail of the merger,

and now he's posting
that story on the Blawker.

I'm sorry. You did what?
You called Dash?

- Okay, yes, yours might be worse.
- I'm a journalist.

I have a moral obligation
to tell the truth.

Don't I?

Sometimes what you think
is the truth might not be the truth.

So it wasn't a fake affair designed
to distract us from the merger?

Oh, no, that was true. That was the plan,
but apparently there were holes in it.

Rose, the thing is,

sometimes there's good reasons
not to tell people everything

just because you
think it's true.

Like the town finding out it's about
to merge with its mortal enemy

and there'll be
looting in the streets?

Or two people who
might be happy together

won't see each other again
because you acted crazy?

Um, that one doesn't
apply to me.

Are you sure that Dash is
gonna publish the story?

It's a pretty big story
for BlueBell.

All right, you need to go warn Lavon.
Now. Now. Go.

Oh, God.

Is this going to be
brutally difficult? Absolutely.

The steepest political challenge you have
ever faced in your life, undoubtedly.

Is the inspirational
part of this speech coming?

- Mayor Hayes, I have to talk to you.
- Later, Rose. We are in pregame.

Moments like this
forge true leaders.

Churchill in the Blitz.
Kennedy's missile crisis.

Lavon Hayes
and the town merger.

What do all these events have in common?
A fearless leader.

And the people who love him.

Yeah, about that last part,
I think you should know

there's a small chance that Dash
has posted a story about the merger.

And by "small chance"
you mean...

Dash just posted a story
about the merger.

Carolee.

Hi.

I wasn't sure which flowers
would say, uh...

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you
about my pregnant roommate"?

Yeah.

I just...
I couldn't figure out

how to explain Shelby
without scaring you off,

- ...so I'm just gonna dive in.
- Brick.

- There's really no need.
- Yeah, there is.

- I want you to understand.
- I do, I understand.

I ran into Shelby this morning,
and she explained the whole thing.

Oh, boy. She did, huh?

She said how you'd been together,
and even though you're not now...

No, we're not.

How you've really been
there for that baby.

Not my baby, by the way.

She said it wouldn't be possible
for you to care more

about a baby, even
if it were your own.

- God...
- That made me cry.

- I think you're amazing.
- No. No. I'm not amazing.

Brick... you should
be with Shelby.

What? No. I-I don't
wanna be with Shelby.

- I wanna be with you.
- Really?

- Look at your life.
- This isn't my life.

This is just the things that
happen when Shelby is around.

The universe
bends to her will.

Brick... you're a sweet man.

But, like my daddy
used to say,

if enough people
tell you you're drunk,

sometimes it's a good
idea to lie down.

Look, if we could all
just settle down now.

Is it true BlueBell's
merging with Fillmore?

Well, nothing is set in stone.

Did you tell AnnaBeth
and Joel Stevens

to fake a relationship
to distract us?

What did you know
and when did you know it?

Let the man speak!

Look, I know
we're all upset.

And-and I should've told you about
the merger when I first heard about it.

But I was hoping to-to handle
it before anyone got worried.

Now, look, I'm not
gonna lie to you.

This merger with Fillmore
is still a threat.

But I promise you, I will do
everything in my power to fight it.

- Now is not the time to panic.
- If not now, when?

Sergeant Jeffries...

No, no, I'm not talking to you,
I'm talking to them.

I wanna know. When is it
a good time to panic?

Yeah!

- When we're all Fillmorons?
- I say panic now!

- Panic now!
- No. No!

Zoe, I didn't know you were coming by.
Get you something to drink?

I don't deserve
anything to drink.

Vivian, I messed up when I tried
to steer you away from Wade.

No, you were very clear. You were
neutral. You were Switzerland.

Did you tell Wade that you
didn't want to go out with him again?

- Uh, that's kind of between me and Wade.
- I agree.

Unless part of it has to do
with what I told you.

I-I don't know why
I went bananas

when I found out that Wade
asked you out, but I did.

I am not holding
a torch for Wade.

Believe me.

I-I love Joel.
I have never been happier.

I'm not even trying
to punish Wade.

You know, our breakup was
as much my fault as it was his.

Maybe there's just something
about him that makes you crazy.

Maybe.

But the truth is,

Wade is a great guy with massive potential
for growth with the right woman.

What if I'm not
the right woman?

Well, I'm not
telling you to marry him,

and I can't promise
that it's gonna work out,

but did you have
a good time with him?

Yeah.

Maybe you should give him
another chance to make you crazy.

If you still want me to leave,
I'm all packed up.

Do you still want me to leave?

- No.
- Oh, thank God you said that.

Could you be a doll
and help me unpack?

Oh, sure.

Also, I was thinking

you could move me
into the other bedroom,

the one closer
to the bathroom,

'cause you know how often
I have to go now.

Oh, that's probably
a good idea.

Yeah. And after that,

do you think
it would be possible

to change the lightbulbs
in the hallway?

Those halogen ones are too bright.
They give me a headache.

Oh, and I think I just might
need a shower chair,

'cause who can stand
with all this weight?

Right?

I know a place in
Mobile that sells them.

I should get a pen.

I'm gonna have to write
all this down.

Hey.

Heard the meeting
didn't go so well.

Yeah, it was
kind of like

watching a hockey game
at a Roman forum

on a St. Patrick's Day when they
announce there's no more beer.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

And I'm sure that
Scooter didn't know

everything Fillmore
was planning.

I don't really see
how he couldn't.

But you know what?

It doesn't really
matter anymore, does it?

I don't wanna see
this town go away.

So if there is anything
else I can do...

No, Tansy, you went above
and beyond for this, so...

Thank you.

Only in BlueBell can an angry mob
be angry and yet still charming.

I mean, BlueBell should be allowed
to stay BlueBell for that reason alone.

- Poor Lavon, he loves this town.
- As well he should.

The good news -
fake affair exposed,

at least we can put
the "P" back in "PDA""

- Have you been working on that line?
- I am a smooth wordsmith.

I know we're all worried about the town,
me, too... but guess what?

Uh, is this a real "guess what"
or are you just gonna tell us?

My teacher knows an editor
at The Huffington Post,

and I pitched her an article

about the murky ethics
of journalism, and she loved it.

- I'm calling it "The Quicksand of Truth."
- Evocative.

And if the article goes well,
they'll publish it.

I'll be applying to college
as a published writer.

Take that, Percy Lewis
and your dumb symphonies.

All right. Beer, white wine, and
a Shirley Temple for the young lady.

We didn't even order.

On the house. I'm feeling generous.
Take advantage of it while it lasts.

- Then can I get a white wine, too?
- No.

You're in an awful good mood for
someone who might own a bar in Filmore.

Well, I got a call
from Cousin Vivian.

Seems she's, uh,
come to her senses.

Are you going out again?

- Stud...
- Don't do that.

- Yep.
- Weird, right?

Her calling me back
out of the blue like that?

Ah, women.
Go figure.

- You two have fun.
- I intend to.

- That was decent of you.
- I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay.

Hey, where'd my wine go?

What?

All the best journalists drink.
Everybody knows that.

It's why they call it
the Fourth Estate.

- Is that true?
- Could be.