Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 3, Episode 10 - Star of the Show - full transcript
When Brick is asked to help with the local cabaret, he nominates Zoe to save the day. Lavon feels defeated about the possible merger with Fillmore, so it is left up to AnnaBeth and Lemon to motivate him to put up one last fight. Lynly continues to become more jealous of George's close friendship with Tansy, and keeps a close on eye him. Meanwhile, Wade is excited about his new romance, but grows concerned when he notices that she is pulling away.
Please tell the Governor
that BlueBell is not,
and will never be interested
in merging with Fillmore.
Tell your boss that
Fillmore supports the merger.
He's gonna try and take
over the whole town.
Town square is gonna be
a giant mall?
This merger with Fillmore
is still a threat.
(Angry shouting)
You were with George and Tansy. Do you
think he still has feelings for her?
I'm sure that Scooter didn't know
everything Fillmore's planning.
I don't wanna see
this town go away.
If you still want me to leave,
I'm all packed up.
- Do you still want me to leave?
- No.
I have lined up
an excellent date for you.
I have some news
of my own.
I'm going on a date.
Tonight.
You asked out
Vivian Wilkes?
I am so completely
surprised that you would not approve.
I went bananas when I found out that
Wade asked you out.
You should give him another
chance to make you crazy.
♪
Annabeth: Okay. Here we go...
Ta-da!
Look, it's a power breakfast
for a power Mayor.
Designed to get you back to work
and hopefully out of the house.
Do we have any
more ice cream?
Look, I am not opposed to
you eating your feelings.
But... (Laughs)
Maybe it's time to do
it out in the world.
No.
N-no, I can't.
I was elected to protect
the people of BlueBell.
Now Fillmore's about
to swallow us up.
Which is exactly why
you should do something.
Well, I... I've filed every petition and
injunction from here to Montgomery, and...
No, there's nothing
to do except hide.
With my rocky road.
Tansy.
Oh, no, you did not.
Get up.
(Grunts)
Where am I?!
What is going on?
- Lynly, you okay?
- No, you just said "Tansy" in your sleep.
- You were dreaming about Tansy?
- You must've... You must've heard...
You must've heard me wrong.
I must've said, like, "pansy,"
or "Fancies',"
or "chancy."
My hearing's
just fine, George.
- How could you do this to me?
- Look, I was dreaming, okay? I...
Aha!
So you admit it!
- You were dreaming about Tansy!
- No...
Hold... wait, wait, Lynly,
no, wait, hold on, okay?
Fine. I was. But not in the way
that you're thinking.
Not in a Cinemax after dark kind of way.
More like C-SPAN.
I have been dreaming about
this merger all week long.
And Tansy has been integral
in helping us fight that,
and that's
all this was.
- Okay? I promise.
- Are you sure?
Absolutely.
'Cause...
Lynly Hayes,
you have been the star
of my most interesting dreams.
Mmm.
And you know what?
I'm gonna make you breakfast.
What is this?
Oh, it's, uh... Your mom just asked me
to do a little, quick rewrite
on, uh, the toast for
uncle Mort's birthday.
- You mean my toast?
- It just...
It was the
tiniest bit... dry.
It just needed some punching up.
I am a celebrated author.
- You don't even know uncle Mort.
- Well, I-I do now.
Um, "Mort was born
on March 27, 1951"
"at St. Ignatius Hospital
in Teaneck, New Jersey."
"The hospital was a brick building located
at the corner of Parsons and Oakwood."
- "The birth took place at 3:13 P.M."
- I was being thorough.
Sometimes it's best to leave the creative
stuff to the more creative people.
Hey, Wade!
You know, you buying
your breakfast here
is not a great endorsement
for the Rammer Jammer.
Yeah, well, I'm pretty hungover,
and the coffee here is better.
Your cousin and I were out late last night
in Mobile at a pretty awesome concert.
That's great. Can you please
tell Joel that I am creative?
(Laughing)
(Zoe mock-laughs)
So funny. Have you
not seen my outfit?
Polka dot blouse,
leopard print skirt.
I mix patterns, okay?
I am an outside- the-box thinker!
- You're creative.
- Do not patronize me.
You, do not smirk.
Well, in my professional
medical opinion,
I think you should blow on
your soup before you eat it.
I did!
Shelby: Brick! Drop what you're doing!
This is an emergency!
Dash quit,
and I don't have a director.
And my cabaret opens in two days.
What on earth am I gonna do?
Well, calm down. Let Delma out.
Delma, I recommend popsicles.
He said I was "indecisive"
and "my own worst enemy"!
Well, you have been having
a hard time making decisions.
And you're pretty worked up.
Here, let's check your blood pressure.
Only because
nothing feels fresh.
It's all "been there,
sung that."
(Sighs)
All my money is riding
on this cabaret.
Not to mention
my hopes and my dreams.
Which is why I need you
to clear your schedule
and help me
find a director.
Oh, I can't. I'm-I'm trying
to run a practice, here.
Please, please, please.
Annabeth...
Brick needs to cancel all
of his afternoon appointments.
See you later.
Thank you.
(Door opens, closes)
Seriously, Brick?
Again?
I am powerless around
that woman, and... Help me!
Oh.
I've got more than I can handle trying to
keep Lavon from overdosing on rocky road.
- I just wish Lemon was here.
- Me, too.
She'd know exactly how
to help both of us.
(Door closes)
Annabeth!
As a non-Belle, you have
a lot of nerve calling a meeting.
It'll be worth it. I've brought
a very special guest.
Good morning, ladies.
(Gasps)
We are gathered together today
because BlueBell faces extinction.
Luckily, though I am not there, nor
a member of your organization anymore,
I am still Lemon Breeland.
Which means I have a plan.
Brava!
Lemon:
Hmm.
The Governor's beloved sister,
Marian Matthews,
will be in Mobile
this afternoon.
Y'all will bring her to BlueBell,
she'll fall in love with it,
hence she will call her brother,
the town will be saved,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You are welcome.
And how will we get
Marian Matthews to BlueBell?
Well, we will use our brains,
and our connections.
Perhaps she was in a sorority
with someone's husband's cousin.
Ooh!
Marian Matthews was in Delta Gamma
with Stanley's cousin Scarlet!
Scarlet's always
showing off about it.
Now we're catching up.
You will have Scarlet call
Marian and set up a meeting.
That's brilliant.
Oh, we miss you.
Now, Crickett, as the leader
of the Belles,
it is your responsibility
to make sure that this plan works.
Do not let Marian leave BlueBell without
agreeing to speak to her brother first.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have another fire to put out.
(Screen beeps)
All right, daddy, now let's discuss
how to free you from Shelby’s talons.
Uh, still us, Lemon!
Oh.
Well, y'all didn't hear that.
All right! Let's put this plan
into motion, Belles!
Save BlueBell!
(Annabeth whoops)
I-I feel horrible saying this,
but-but Shelby is ruining my life!
Yes, which is exactly why
we need to get her out of town.
Oh... do we? I-I mean, we do.
Uh, right.
Uh... and how will
we do that?
My plan is simple. Shelby moved
to town to open up that silly cabaret,
and when it's a spectacular failure,
she'll leave. (Brick laughs)
It won't be a failure.
Have you heard her sing?
Shelby has the voice
of an angel.
But you told me that she has
no director, and no real concept.
She still has some time;
She'll pull it off.
Not if you find her a director
that will tank the show.
Someone long on confidence,
short on skill and experience.
Lemonade, that-that plan
is a smidge too diabolical for me.
I... no offense.
(Laughs)
Well, excuse me.
I was under the impression
that you wanted my help.
Enjoy spending the rest of eternity
with Shelby, daddy.
Also, there was a recent study
that debunked the theory
that people are either
"right-brained"
or "left-brained."
You know, just because
I chose a life of science,
it doesn't mean
I can't be creative, too.
It's good that you're
letting this go.
- Don't box me in!
- Brick: Joel!
Just the man
I was hoping to find.
Dash quit the cabaret, and Shelby
desperately needs a new director.
And I desperately need
someone else to advise her.
- Joel: I did minor in theater...
- Look no further! I'm your girl!
...at Tisch.
- You?
- Yes!
Let me remind you that
my mother is a famous publicist.
She once represented Stephen Sondheim.
I saw "Into the Woods" 16 times.
Oh, wow. I mean, that does
make you a director, yeah.
It just so happens that
I wrote and directed
an original cabaret for
the residents in my hospital
to perform for
high school kids.
One Cellular Sensation!
It killed.
Well, that... That certainly
does sound unique.
Butter Brickle, I need you to come with
me to buy more boas for the cabaret.
- And then we need to work on sets.
- Now?
Yes, now! And tonight.
And probably through till tomorrow.
I wouldn't count on sleeping.
What can I say? My show must go on.
Shelby, uh, great news.
You know how you wanted me
to find you the perfect director?
Well, I did.
Zoe!
- Zoe? You direct?
- She also writes.
- She wrote a hit cabaret about biology.
- Mainly cells.
It's not really what you're
looking for, there, huh?
Shelby, this could be that-that breath
of fresh air that your show needs.
It-it's... You know, it's campy.
It's fun.
You said yourself
you wanted something fresh.
Zoe Hart, welcome
to the cabaret!
Oh!
(Laughing)
Ha!
(Car horn honks)
(Seagulls calling)
(Birds singing)
Season 3, Episode 10
"Star of the Show"
Okay, everybody.
Huge news.
Zoe Hart is joining us
as our new director.
- Zoe Hart? The doctor?
- Don't box me in, Shula!
Zoe has some changes that
she would like to make to the show,
so let's all keep
an open mind.
Yes. The cabaret will now be
called One Cellular Sensation!
We're gonna be performing
acts about cells.
Awesome. "Some Enchanted Cytoplasm,"
adapted from South Pacific?
Wanda: Your favorite musical
and your favorite organelle!
- Uh, my song is about mitochondria?
- And the human condition.
But also
mitochondria.
Meatball: Uh, which one
of these songs is the most metal?
Let's start blocking.
Shula, you're up.
- Hey.
- Hey!
Did you hear that? I said,
"blocking." That's a director word.
Nice. I just came by because
you forgot your megaphone.
I know you wanted
to look the part.
I am doing much more
than looking the part.
Shula, you're a protozoa.
So why don't you go
downstage right?
I definitely meant
downstage left.
Are you-are you trying, maybe,
to get her to go upstage left?
You know what? Blocking isn't
essential to One Cellular Sensation!
Many protozoa barely move.
Are you sure you don't
want me to stick around
and help out a little bit?
I really don't mind.
No. No, no. Go!
Go, go, go. Yeah, I got this.
Okay.
Sheesh, everybody wants
to be in showbiz.
From the top!
Tansy, is, uh,
everything okay?
No. Someone bought all
the rocky road from the Dixie stop.
And I had a fight with Scooter.
He says I'm being cagey, which I am,
ever since I let y'all into that party.
- I feel so guilty.
- Well...
Tansy, you shouldn't.
- Because McGreevy sucks.
- Excuse me?
The man is a class-A
rotten jerk face...
- Who sucks.
- You're wrong.
Scott McGreevy is a kind,
decent man
and he loves me.
And he loves my Dolly Parton.
All he wants is to do right by his town.
Just like you.
No, there's a difference.
And that difference is we are
not trying to destroy anybody.
I mean, they're trying
to annex BlueBell!
OK? Fillmore is
a Death Star, okay?
And Mayor Gainey is Emperor Palpatine.
And Scooter McGreevy, is his Darth Vader.
Seriously? Life is not
Star Wars, George Tucker.
Why don't you try
asking him his plans?
Because they include bulldozing
this town square here
and putting up
a shopping center.
I don't need to ask him his plans,
because I know Scott.
Besides, how do you get off
criticizing my relationship
when you're dating
little Miss Crazy Eyes?
You're being very mature here.
George, as a hairdresser, I look at
women in the mirror all day long.
Believe me, I can spot crazy eyes.
I'd be careful if I was you.
And I'd be careful if I was me
talking to you. (Clears throat)
Hey, George! Hey, Tansy!
Fancy finding you... together.
Well, three's a crowd.
Bye. (Clears throat)
- Talking merger stuff again?
- Yes, we were.
When my sorority sister Scarlet
told me y'all wished
to emulate our annual Marigold Ball,
I came straight from Montgomery.
Since you took over the Marigold Ball,
it has been the social event of the year.
We were hoping to take you on a tour
and get some input on venues.
And maybe your brother,
the Governor,
would like to attend
our ball here in BlueBell.
Perhaps, but aren't we getting
a little ahead of ourselves?
(Clears throat) Crickett is
just full of town pride.
Loves showing off BlueBell
to everyone.
I do.
Because once someone
sees our beautiful town,
it is hard for them
to stand by to see it
swallowed up by another,
uglier one.
I'm not here to discuss
the Marigold Ball, am I?
Discussing the Marigold Ball is definitely
one of the reasons why you are here.
I've heard about your impending merger.
I don't appreciate being used.
- We have nothing further to discuss.
- Oh, Mrs. Matthews, please.
Let me at least buy you
a sweet tea before you go.
Agneses are famous.
I cannot resist sweet tea.
But in this case, I prefer to go alone.
- Hey, Cricket, what are you doing?
- Hiding from Lemon.
Lemon? I thought
she was out of town.
She is, but the Internet
is everywhere.
She's already trying to help Brick get rid
of Shelby, and I don't wanna be next.
How is Lemon helping Brick
get rid of Shelby?
I don't know.
See, I thought it was by having
Zoe Hart direct that cabaret,
but the cabaret
is awesome.
It is about cells and...
Oh, God, I can't let her leave.
- Shelby?
- Marian Matthews!
That's her car.
I gotta go!
Mm... hmm.
Is that... gum?
Oh, ew.
The sexy reality of being
a fourth-grade teacher.
Well, you are lucky
that you have me
to keep a close eye on you
and that behind of yours.
Keep you gum-free.
Mmm.
Hey, you got plans
tomorrow night?
Scored two tickets to go see
Double Wednesday play
an almost-unheard-of
acoustic show in Mobile.
- Wow. That sounds amazing.
- Pick you up at 9:30?
Great!
- Great. 9:30.
- All right.
- See you then.
- See ya later, sugar. All right!
(Whistles through teeth)
Thought you said things were
going great with Vivian?
They are. We got plans
for tomorrow night.
She was, uh, pumped.
No, she wasn't.
Where did you find the time
between hairdressing,
waitressing, and process serving
to go to psychic school?
- Or was it an online course?
- I'm serious, Wade.
Right before she said "great!"
She paused
and she moved her hair
over her left shoulder.
That is her tell,
like in poker.
I am very good
at identifying tells.
And crazy eyes, though
that does not apply here.
Vivian is a classy lady.
She doesn't want to be going
to different dive bars every night.
You need to step up your game.
Zoe:
Hey!
Hi.
For your information,
rehearsals are going great.
Six hours at the helm,
and lines are memorized,
dances are... in progress.
- I'm sure they are.
- I feel your lack of support. Rude.
Hey, Wade,
can I get 17 coffees?
We're pulling an all-nighter
at the cabaret,
or at least a midnighter.
I'm directing now.
(Laughs)
Oh, man.
Oh, you're serious.
Well, that should at least make
the cabaret interesting.
- Hey, maybe I should take Vivian.
- She would love it. Who wouldn't?
Well, me, for one, but, uh,
that's what earplugs are for.
Zo, about the cabaret.
Um, Brick chose you
for a reason.
And you should know...
Brick chose me because
he believes in my project!
Who would have thought
that Brick Breeland
would be more supportive of my
creative endeavors than you?!
God, after all those nights
listening to you drone on and on
about your novel...
Which sounds so great!
Hey, you know what?
Good luck to you.
Thank you.
You are going to be wowed,
my friends.
I'm gonna send Tom
for the rest of these.
Wowed, I said.
Wowed!
I'm coming!
I figured out how to get Marian
Matthews to stay in BlueBell!
- What is that?
- Spark plugs? I don't know.
- I just opened her car hood and pulled.
- You didn't.
I panicked! But she's staying
the night at the Shamrock,
so at least I did something.
What is your boyfriend, the Mayor,
doing to save BlueBell, hmm?
Morning.
Oh! Good morning!
- I have news!
- The merger's off?
Crickett stole the spark
plugs, or something,
out of Marian Matthew's car,
and she was forced
to stay the night
at the Shamrock Motel.
Marian Matthews?
As in-as in the sister
of the Governor of Alabama?
Yes.
But, glass half full,
she's in BlueBell another day!
- Time to get out and sell her!
- I'm, I'm going back to bed.
No, you are not!
More news!
Lemon is gonna give you
a motivational speech.
- Lemon?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh!
Lavon, today may very well be
the defining day in your mayorship,
so you have a choice.
Are you gonna spend it
in your pajamas,
or are you gonna
go find Marian Matthews,
convince her that BlueBell's a place
like no other, and save the day?!
If-if I go, will you close
the computer?
I'll get dressed.
Annabeth: Ooh! Thank God.
(Clears throat)
Scooter McGreevy...
What brings you to BlueBell?
Just visiting my girlfriend.
She is determined
to work in this craphole.
So I guess you better get
used to seeing me around.
Hey, when are you gonna trade in
this loser?
(Blows raspberry)
- Did you just...?
- Anyway, Tucker...
Isn't it about time
we bury the hatchet?
You know, find our common ground?
Get to know one another as friends?
Really? Friends? 'Cause you
just, you called me...
That is so sweet
of you, Scott.
It'd probably for the best
as I'll be taking over
much of your business
once the towns merge.
Okay, well, this was fun.
Lot of fun.
George, I have someone for you.
Lemon: George, there you are!
Lemon?!
Hello, Lynly. Miss me?
Hi, Lemon!
How's your grandma?
Oh, who cares?
Here's the point.
Lavon is taking the Governor's sister
around BlueBell this afternoon,
so I need you two
to make sure that Gainey
and his Fillmore lackeys don't go
near them so they don't sabotage him.
But Scooter McGreevy's
in the Rammer Jammer right now!
Don't worry about this,
Lemon. I got it.
Do not disappoint me, Tucker.
That was weird.
Hey, Scooter. I'm sorry.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe we should bury
the hatchet.
Sooner rather than later.
Today, even, if we can.
How about right now, actually?
Let's go shoot nine holes,
and you can put your money
where your mouth is, huh?
Ooh, uh, sorry.
I do have plans to go hiking with
Tansy as soon as her shift ends.
Great! A double date!
How fun does that sound?!
Wait... we're doing what?
- So, how do I look?
- Like a bug that just got stepped on.
You look great.
Now, Frank, you have have
the saddest song in the show,
it's called, "There's no tosis
like aptosis," which is cell death.
- That is sad.
- Why do they die?
- It's one of the mysteries of cells.
- That's messed up.
- Brought donuts!
- Donuts!
No, we-we don't have
time for donuts!
Okay, everybody, take five!
Look, I-I was really hoping that you were
here to apologize for all the doubting.
Uh, no, actually I'm here
because I know something.
Um, I was gonna tell you last night when
you came home, but you never came home.
(Sighs)
I was working on costumes.
The cell membranes?
They kept getting jammed
in the sewing machine,
so I had to do them all by hand.
Wow, uh, you're not
making this easier.
Um... (Chuckles)
Okay.
Crickett told me that Brick is working
on a plan to get rid of Shelby.
And that plan is hiring you
to tank her show.
(Sighs)
Poor Joel.
Is that what you have to tell
yourself to be okay with this?
First of all, Brick would
not set me up like that.
Second of all, Crickett is not known
for getting her facts straight.
And third, why are you so sure
that my show is gonna tank?
- It's a cabaret about cells.
- And the human condit...
And the human condition.
Okay, look.
If you don't believe me,
how about I just stick around
and, uh, see your first
run-through, you know.
- We'll watch the show together.
- Yes, that is a wonderful idea.
Okay.
Everyone, everyone,
let's get your costumes on.
We're gonna do
a full run-through.
Okay, so imagine that you just stepped
out of a cab on Madison Avenue.
You walk into the Carlyle.
This is what you see.
♪
♪ We are the plant cells ♪
♪ our structure excels ♪
♪ 'cause we've got chlorophyll ♪
♪ and we photosynthesize ♪
♪ oxygen, it expels ♪
♪ from us, the plant cells ♪
♪ we are rectangular ♪
♪ and become specialized ♪
♪ when it comes
to reproduction ♪
♪ we need no instruction today ♪
♪ 'cause when we do mitosis ♪
♪ we replicate
our perfect state ♪
♪ we are the plant cells ♪
♪ flagella sometimes propels ♪
♪ we're green and lean
and we reproduce ♪
Sexually?
♪ A-sexually. ♪
(All panting)
You're right, my show sucks.
Miss Matthews?
Uh, L-Lavon Hayes.
- Uh, I'm the Mayor of BlueBell.
- Good.
Then you can tell me
where the bus station is.
Oh, look, you've had
a terrible experience here.
So, please allow me a chance
to change your impression.
And why on earth
would I do that?
Because the people of BlueBell
really love our town.
And we are very afraid
we're gonna lose it.
I mean, if y-your brother ratifies
the upcoming merger with Fillmore,
our-our community and our unique sense
of identity, and, believe me...
It is unique...
Will be gone.
Now, if u spend some time here...
- You'll see that for yourself.
- You're having a cabaret?
I love cabarets.
If I could do anything in life,
it'd be to sing.
Done! Shelby's out, you're in.
(Laughing): Heavens no.
I have a voice that would kill cats.
Oh.
But you get me a table front
and center, and I'll stay.
(Chuckles)
Bertram Brick Breeland,
I am nobody's patsy!
If I had a dollar for
every dramatic entrance...
I know that you are using me
to tank the show.
What I don't know is how
you could do this to me?
I am so sorry, Zoe.
This isn't me.
But Shelby was making me
so crazy.
I just needed to find a way
to get her out of here.
And I-I should've known better
than to listen to Lemon.
It was an awful thing to do!
- Agree!
- But I-I...
I'm gonna man up, I'm gonna tell Shelby
to do the show that she wanted to do
and postpone the opening
a few weeks,
- ...and really get it right.
- Good.
- A.B., great news.
- Hmm?
Uh, the-the Governor's sister
agreed to stay
- ...just to see the cabaret tonight!
- Oh, no.
- Could she come back in a few weeks?
- You will open the cabaret tonight.
Whatever it takes.
Now, look, we got exactly one more
chance to-to make her love BlueBell
and talk her brother
out of the merger.
Frank: Zoe, what's my
lysosome's motivation?
How do you think the Governor's
sister feels about cellular biology?
I think the waterfall is
right around this bend.
That's what you said about the last bend.
And the bend before that.
So, you're heading
to law school?
Yes, well, it's between law school,
medical school,
or I might become
a fashion designer.
Sure, those are
all very similar.
I have trouble
making up my mind.
Oh. And how exactly did you
come to stay with Lavon?
My parents thought
I needed a change of pace.
Why was that?
See, my ex-boyfriend
was obsessed with two things.
His lawn and other women.
So, when I found out
he cheated on me,
I put lime in his hose
and killed the lawn.
It may have been
a step too far.
You know though, I think
Tansy can appreciate that.
Because when we broke up, uh,
she threw all my clothes
out of a trailer window.
- So...
- Now, that's a statement.
So, uh, Scooter.
We should probably talk
about this merger.
I don't know what you've heard, but it
sounds to me like it's moving forward.
It is, and it's gonna be great.
And best thing about this merger,
it's gonna end the intertown hostility.
Build some brotherly love.
Give us a chance to work together.
Hmm, I love how you care
about peace, Scooter.
Hey, there.
- Hey.
- I've been looking for you.
- I was just gonna call you.
- Oh? Why?
Well, uh, change of plans!
I got us, uh,
two tickets
for the cabaret tonight.
Your crazy cousin Zoe
is directing,
which should be interesting.
Uh, show starts at 9:30, thought
I'd pick you up at 9:00
for what will probably be
a terrible night at the theatre.
Oh, and by the way,
that's theatre with an r-e
because, you know,
I'm classy like that.
But I was actually coming
to cancel our date.
I'm so sorry. My babysitter's sick.
She ate some bad tilapia.
Don't you have, like,
a million relatives?
I thought that's the big perk
of that situation.
- You got built-in babysitting.
- Yeah, you know, they're all going,
they're all going to see,
my, uh, great-uncle tonight.
He, um, he also had the tilapia.
- Yeah.
- You okay?
Yeah, you just, you know,
you did that, uh,
hair thing again.
- Oh, did I mess it up or something?
- No, no.
No.
- You have a good night, Vivian.
- I'm sorry, Wade.
(Sighs)
I'm beginning to think
this waterfall is
just another figment of your
overactive imagination, Tucker.
Like your legal skills.
(Laughs)
Does that mouth of yours
ever stop flapping, McGreevy?
Uh-oh, somebody
miss nap time?
What is it... you thirsty?
You hungry?
You jealous that I ended up with Tansy
and your new girlfriend has crazy eyes?
Uh-oh. What did you just say?
Okay, you're gonna want
to retract those words immediately.
Your problem is not
with Lynly, it's with me.
- Let's all calm down.
- What's with all the aggression?
We're just a couple of pals out
for a friendly hike, right?
Is that right, pal?
Are you gonna
really stand there
and tell me
that Fillmore doesn't plan
on wiping BlueBell off the map
and call it a merger?
Whoa, bad info.
Incorrect.
Ah. Is it also
incorrect information
that you want to bulldoze
our town square,
put up a mall called
the Gainey Shopping Center?
Oh, my God, that's awful!
What kind of monster would do that?
Scott may be many things,
but he is not a monster.
And he doesn't lie.
Not to me.
- Hmm.
- Scott?
How could you possibly know
about the shopping center?
Only three people know
about that plan.
Did you spy on me?
For them?
I'm sorry, Scooter.
I shouldn't have done it.
Apology not accepted.
From either of you.
- I didn't apologize.
- I'm going home.
Alone. I suggest you stay
in BlueBell with your friends,
and think about where
your loyalties really lie,
before I bulldoze
right over them.
- But what about Dolly?
- I'll feed her.
But I'm telling her
what her mother did.
Tried to save a town.
That's what her mother did.
Tell Dolly that!
And don't you go lying
to that dog about me!
Shelby: I don't get it. You convinced
me that this was the way to go.
You said cells sell.
But at the dress rehearsal we realized
that One Cellular Sensation!
isn't all
that we hoped it would be.
Really?
Well, see, I just don't think BlueBell
is-is ready for something so ambitious.
Classics are classics
for a reason.
I think you should go back to what
you were working on when Dash quit
and-and get that
ready for tonight.
Brick Breeland, what is
really going on here?
Look.
I was trying to tank your show.
'Cause...
I wanted to get rid of you.
It's horrible.
I know, I-I, but I...
I just couldn't take it anymore.
You blew into town.
You-you take over my life.
I'm a grown man, I should've
been able to say no to you.
But you give me that look.
That-that look that's-that's like
a tractor beam, and I can't resist you.
- How could you...?
- Shelby?
Oh.
Oh, my gosh!
Okay, thank you, Brick.
Bye.
Shelby and the baby are okay.
But her blood pressure is low,
so she's on bed rest.
- She's gonna be fine.
- Oh, thank God.
The only thing
to figure out now is the show.
- You're still doing the show?
- Yes. To save BlueBell.
But I was hoping that
you would do the show.
You know, you have all that
actual theater experience.
And right now, BlueBell
really needs that experience.
Uh...
Okay, okay, yeah, okay, uh,
I just need some time
to come up
with a thematic through line,
uh, do a little research...
- You got two hours.
- Or I could jump right in.
Okay. All right.
Listen up, everybody.
Shelby is out.
(All groan) I know.
She was our nucleus.
But now just imagine
a new nuclear membrane
is forming around you.
I'm not feeling this metaphor.
- Me neither.
- Sorry.
- I'm lost.
- Joel is your new director!
- Oh!
- What?
Yes, and we're gonna go back
to the more traditional cabaret
that you guys were preparing.
Our only numbers
in that other show
was between Shelby’s
wardrobe changes.
Without her, we got
a 12-minute cabaret.
Well, then it will be 12 minutes
no one will ever forget.
Okay?
All right, let's, uh,
take it from the top.
(Chattering)
Shelby: This cabaret has been
my dream since I was a little girl.
And I was so close
to making it happen.
- Can't bed rest start tomorrow?
- I'm afraid not.
We just can't
take any chances.
It was really sweet,
what you said earlier.
Oh, what? That you
were ruining my life?
About not being
able to resist me.
I like having
that effect on you.
(Laughs softly)
But I don't want
to drive you crazy.
That's not
fair to you.
Well, I... I was
thinking, you know...
It-it's... it's
only crazy-making
if I try and
resist you, and...
...There is
another option.
There is?
I mean, I...
Could just...
Stop resisting.
We can never
tell Lemon.
Mm-mm.
(Laughs)
Oh, you are
doing that thing
right now, right now.
Th-that tractor beam thing.
Well, there is just one more
thing I need your help with.
(Tansy whoops)
Wow. That is, like, 19 straight.
That's a new record, I think.
(Laughs)
Seriously,
how do you do that?
The trick is to look
at the shot glass, not the quarter.
Lynly: You know what?
Scooter is a jerk.
Even drunk,
she speaks the truth.
(Snorts) Lynly: A person can be nice
to a dog and still be a jerk to a person.
You are amazing.
And I think you deserve
a million times better than...
(Yawns)
...A bicycle.
I think you're
falling asleep.
I am not...
One second.
All right.
You want to go out and
get some air or something?
Yeah.
(Laughs)
♪
Lavon: All right, here we are.
Best seats in the house,
as promised.
Nice work, Mayor Hayes.
Sheriff Bill: Mayor Hayes, there's
something I want to say to you.
Now, everyone's really
upset about this merger.
Here we go.
I speak for all of us when I say
that there isn't anything
we wouldn't do for
BlueBell, or for you.
- Thanks, Sheriff Bill.
- Yeah, well...
I'm not supposed to be out here.
Breaking the fourth wall.
Uh, right.
♪
(Audience applauds)
Hello, there.
Welcome to...
- Whatcha doin'?
- I'm introducing the cabaret.
Tom:
Oh, good, I could use a drink.
Wanda: No, I'm introducing
the cab-a-ret,
- ...not cab-er-net.
- So you can't drink it?
- No, it's a show!
- Gesundheit!
(Rimshot) Wanda: Oh,
no, I wasn't...
Tom: You know what helps when
you're feeling under the weather?
Wanda: What helps when you're
feeling under the weather?
- An umbrella!
- What a joke!
Have you got another?
- I can't give you my other one.
- Why not?
I'm saving it for a rainy day.
(Scattered laughter)
(Applause)
Ha. Ha, ha.
I could only
do so much.
♪
♪ Daisy, Daisy ♪
♪ give me your answer, do ♪
♪ I'm half crazy ♪
♪ all for the love of you ♪
♪ it won't be
a stylish marriage ♪
♪ I can't afford a carriage ♪
♪ but you'll look sweet ♪
(Material tearing)
♪ upon the seat
♪ of a bicycle built for two. ♪
(Polite applause)
- That's it?
- Yeah.
- Good-bye, BlueBell.
- Yeah.
(Audience whispering)
♪ I'm just... ♪
♪ A Broadway baby
♪ waitin' for
the one big chance ♪
♪ to be in a show
♪ oh, gee
♪ I'd like to be ♪
♪ on some marquee
♪ all twinkling lights
♪ a spark to pierce the dark
♪ from Battery Park
♪ to Washington Heights
(Audience whoops)
♪ Some day maybe
♪ all my dreams will be repaid
♪ heck, I'd even play the maid ♪
♪ to be in a...
♪ Show.
(Applause)
(Cheering)
Now that is something
I have never seen before.
This is quite
an unusual town.
(People talking, laughing)
Thank you.
Oh, you shouldn't have... hey.
Thanks.
Lavon: I'm so happy
you enjoyed the show.
- I did.
- Yeah.
But you know what
stands out even more?
How much the people of
BlueBell love their town.
That message has come across
loud and clear since I got here.
These mergers are actually Lieutenant
Governor Byrd's pet project.
I'm gonna call my brother and
insist that he make him come visit.
Oh...
- Thank you so much, Miss Matthews!
- Good luck to you.
(Laughs) We should celebrate!
- Ice cream?
- No more ice cream.
But I can think of another
way we could celebrate.
- Oh...
- Mm-hmm.
Ooh...
(Laughing)
(Exhales)
- Wade.
- Hey.
I hope it's okay I came by.
I guess I should've called first.
It's okay.
Harley's sleeping.
- What's... Going on?
- Well, uh...
I guess...
I'm actually a...
A little confused.
I thought we
were having fun.
I'm into you, seemed like
you were kind of into me...
- I am.
- So what's the problem?
I don't wanna tell you.
I'm embarrassed.
Oh, crap.
- (Whispering): Hey, is it contagious?
- No.
Truth is,
I didn't want to go to the cabaret
tonight because it starts at 9:30.
I'm a single mother.
I have a little boy who gets
me up at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a job that I love
and I can't afford to lose,
and I wanted to hang,
I tried to hang,
but I just can't, and I didn't want
to tell you that I'm a tired old loser.
I can handle
a tired old loser,
you know, especially
when she's as hot
and gorgeous
and all-around hot
and gorgeous as you are.
- (Laughs) Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
So...
It is 9:45.
What do you normally
do at 9:45?
- I watch TV.
- Amazing. I love TV.
- Would you like to come in?
- Thought you'd never ask.
♪
Tansy: Sorry for what
I said about Lynly.
She's sweet.
Despite the cuckoo-bird eyes.
Okay.
There's a chance
I was more bothered by you
having a new girlfriend
than I wanted to admit.
I get it.
I mean, it was,
uh... (Laughs)
It was not easy for me to see
you with Scooter McGreevy.
But if you like the guy, then
he's gotta have at least...
I don't know...
- One redeeming quality.
- Yeah, I don't know.
- Maybe he is just a jerk.
- Yeah.
Lynly's right.
I... I shouldn't be with someone
just 'cause he's good to my dog.
- You cold?
- Yeah.
Here.
I...
(Clears throat)
Am super warm,
so you
can have my sweatshirt.
- Thanks.
- Free of charge, all right?
- Aw...
- That better?
- Yeah.
- All right.
(Sighs)
Sometimes I think I never
should have let you go.
♪
Man, Shelby has got
a set of pipes on her!
I'm sorry that
I've been so crazy.
Hey, for the record,
I completely believe
in your creative
abilities.
It's just that a musical about biology
didn't seem like it was gonna get
the best reception
from the...
From the general public.
Just... I need to know that you
know that I can do anything.
- I do.
- Really?
In fact, I'm actually
feeling a little sad
that I didn't get to hear
more of your songs.
What?
- Buddy...
- Mm-hmm?
...Hold on to
your socks!
(Clears throat)
♪
Oh, boy.
(Laughs)
♪ The minute I ate
that bad beef ♪
♪ the contamination
spread through my system ♪
♪ you're a rod-shaped
bacterium ♪
♪ you give me nausea,
shakes and delirium ♪
♪ you punch me
right in the gut ♪
♪ hurt my head, my butt,
and cause me misery ♪
♪ spend...
♪ A little less time with me.
(Laughing)
that BlueBell is not,
and will never be interested
in merging with Fillmore.
Tell your boss that
Fillmore supports the merger.
He's gonna try and take
over the whole town.
Town square is gonna be
a giant mall?
This merger with Fillmore
is still a threat.
(Angry shouting)
You were with George and Tansy. Do you
think he still has feelings for her?
I'm sure that Scooter didn't know
everything Fillmore's planning.
I don't wanna see
this town go away.
If you still want me to leave,
I'm all packed up.
- Do you still want me to leave?
- No.
I have lined up
an excellent date for you.
I have some news
of my own.
I'm going on a date.
Tonight.
You asked out
Vivian Wilkes?
I am so completely
surprised that you would not approve.
I went bananas when I found out that
Wade asked you out.
You should give him another
chance to make you crazy.
♪
Annabeth: Okay. Here we go...
Ta-da!
Look, it's a power breakfast
for a power Mayor.
Designed to get you back to work
and hopefully out of the house.
Do we have any
more ice cream?
Look, I am not opposed to
you eating your feelings.
But... (Laughs)
Maybe it's time to do
it out in the world.
No.
N-no, I can't.
I was elected to protect
the people of BlueBell.
Now Fillmore's about
to swallow us up.
Which is exactly why
you should do something.
Well, I... I've filed every petition and
injunction from here to Montgomery, and...
No, there's nothing
to do except hide.
With my rocky road.
Tansy.
Oh, no, you did not.
Get up.
(Grunts)
Where am I?!
What is going on?
- Lynly, you okay?
- No, you just said "Tansy" in your sleep.
- You were dreaming about Tansy?
- You must've... You must've heard...
You must've heard me wrong.
I must've said, like, "pansy,"
or "Fancies',"
or "chancy."
My hearing's
just fine, George.
- How could you do this to me?
- Look, I was dreaming, okay? I...
Aha!
So you admit it!
- You were dreaming about Tansy!
- No...
Hold... wait, wait, Lynly,
no, wait, hold on, okay?
Fine. I was. But not in the way
that you're thinking.
Not in a Cinemax after dark kind of way.
More like C-SPAN.
I have been dreaming about
this merger all week long.
And Tansy has been integral
in helping us fight that,
and that's
all this was.
- Okay? I promise.
- Are you sure?
Absolutely.
'Cause...
Lynly Hayes,
you have been the star
of my most interesting dreams.
Mmm.
And you know what?
I'm gonna make you breakfast.
What is this?
Oh, it's, uh... Your mom just asked me
to do a little, quick rewrite
on, uh, the toast for
uncle Mort's birthday.
- You mean my toast?
- It just...
It was the
tiniest bit... dry.
It just needed some punching up.
I am a celebrated author.
- You don't even know uncle Mort.
- Well, I-I do now.
Um, "Mort was born
on March 27, 1951"
"at St. Ignatius Hospital
in Teaneck, New Jersey."
"The hospital was a brick building located
at the corner of Parsons and Oakwood."
- "The birth took place at 3:13 P.M."
- I was being thorough.
Sometimes it's best to leave the creative
stuff to the more creative people.
Hey, Wade!
You know, you buying
your breakfast here
is not a great endorsement
for the Rammer Jammer.
Yeah, well, I'm pretty hungover,
and the coffee here is better.
Your cousin and I were out late last night
in Mobile at a pretty awesome concert.
That's great. Can you please
tell Joel that I am creative?
(Laughing)
(Zoe mock-laughs)
So funny. Have you
not seen my outfit?
Polka dot blouse,
leopard print skirt.
I mix patterns, okay?
I am an outside- the-box thinker!
- You're creative.
- Do not patronize me.
You, do not smirk.
Well, in my professional
medical opinion,
I think you should blow on
your soup before you eat it.
I did!
Shelby: Brick! Drop what you're doing!
This is an emergency!
Dash quit,
and I don't have a director.
And my cabaret opens in two days.
What on earth am I gonna do?
Well, calm down. Let Delma out.
Delma, I recommend popsicles.
He said I was "indecisive"
and "my own worst enemy"!
Well, you have been having
a hard time making decisions.
And you're pretty worked up.
Here, let's check your blood pressure.
Only because
nothing feels fresh.
It's all "been there,
sung that."
(Sighs)
All my money is riding
on this cabaret.
Not to mention
my hopes and my dreams.
Which is why I need you
to clear your schedule
and help me
find a director.
Oh, I can't. I'm-I'm trying
to run a practice, here.
Please, please, please.
Annabeth...
Brick needs to cancel all
of his afternoon appointments.
See you later.
Thank you.
(Door opens, closes)
Seriously, Brick?
Again?
I am powerless around
that woman, and... Help me!
Oh.
I've got more than I can handle trying to
keep Lavon from overdosing on rocky road.
- I just wish Lemon was here.
- Me, too.
She'd know exactly how
to help both of us.
(Door closes)
Annabeth!
As a non-Belle, you have
a lot of nerve calling a meeting.
It'll be worth it. I've brought
a very special guest.
Good morning, ladies.
(Gasps)
We are gathered together today
because BlueBell faces extinction.
Luckily, though I am not there, nor
a member of your organization anymore,
I am still Lemon Breeland.
Which means I have a plan.
Brava!
Lemon:
Hmm.
The Governor's beloved sister,
Marian Matthews,
will be in Mobile
this afternoon.
Y'all will bring her to BlueBell,
she'll fall in love with it,
hence she will call her brother,
the town will be saved,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You are welcome.
And how will we get
Marian Matthews to BlueBell?
Well, we will use our brains,
and our connections.
Perhaps she was in a sorority
with someone's husband's cousin.
Ooh!
Marian Matthews was in Delta Gamma
with Stanley's cousin Scarlet!
Scarlet's always
showing off about it.
Now we're catching up.
You will have Scarlet call
Marian and set up a meeting.
That's brilliant.
Oh, we miss you.
Now, Crickett, as the leader
of the Belles,
it is your responsibility
to make sure that this plan works.
Do not let Marian leave BlueBell without
agreeing to speak to her brother first.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have another fire to put out.
(Screen beeps)
All right, daddy, now let's discuss
how to free you from Shelby’s talons.
Uh, still us, Lemon!
Oh.
Well, y'all didn't hear that.
All right! Let's put this plan
into motion, Belles!
Save BlueBell!
(Annabeth whoops)
I-I feel horrible saying this,
but-but Shelby is ruining my life!
Yes, which is exactly why
we need to get her out of town.
Oh... do we? I-I mean, we do.
Uh, right.
Uh... and how will
we do that?
My plan is simple. Shelby moved
to town to open up that silly cabaret,
and when it's a spectacular failure,
she'll leave. (Brick laughs)
It won't be a failure.
Have you heard her sing?
Shelby has the voice
of an angel.
But you told me that she has
no director, and no real concept.
She still has some time;
She'll pull it off.
Not if you find her a director
that will tank the show.
Someone long on confidence,
short on skill and experience.
Lemonade, that-that plan
is a smidge too diabolical for me.
I... no offense.
(Laughs)
Well, excuse me.
I was under the impression
that you wanted my help.
Enjoy spending the rest of eternity
with Shelby, daddy.
Also, there was a recent study
that debunked the theory
that people are either
"right-brained"
or "left-brained."
You know, just because
I chose a life of science,
it doesn't mean
I can't be creative, too.
It's good that you're
letting this go.
- Don't box me in!
- Brick: Joel!
Just the man
I was hoping to find.
Dash quit the cabaret, and Shelby
desperately needs a new director.
And I desperately need
someone else to advise her.
- Joel: I did minor in theater...
- Look no further! I'm your girl!
...at Tisch.
- You?
- Yes!
Let me remind you that
my mother is a famous publicist.
She once represented Stephen Sondheim.
I saw "Into the Woods" 16 times.
Oh, wow. I mean, that does
make you a director, yeah.
It just so happens that
I wrote and directed
an original cabaret for
the residents in my hospital
to perform for
high school kids.
One Cellular Sensation!
It killed.
Well, that... That certainly
does sound unique.
Butter Brickle, I need you to come with
me to buy more boas for the cabaret.
- And then we need to work on sets.
- Now?
Yes, now! And tonight.
And probably through till tomorrow.
I wouldn't count on sleeping.
What can I say? My show must go on.
Shelby, uh, great news.
You know how you wanted me
to find you the perfect director?
Well, I did.
Zoe!
- Zoe? You direct?
- She also writes.
- She wrote a hit cabaret about biology.
- Mainly cells.
It's not really what you're
looking for, there, huh?
Shelby, this could be that-that breath
of fresh air that your show needs.
It-it's... You know, it's campy.
It's fun.
You said yourself
you wanted something fresh.
Zoe Hart, welcome
to the cabaret!
Oh!
(Laughing)
Ha!
(Car horn honks)
(Seagulls calling)
(Birds singing)
Season 3, Episode 10
"Star of the Show"
Okay, everybody.
Huge news.
Zoe Hart is joining us
as our new director.
- Zoe Hart? The doctor?
- Don't box me in, Shula!
Zoe has some changes that
she would like to make to the show,
so let's all keep
an open mind.
Yes. The cabaret will now be
called One Cellular Sensation!
We're gonna be performing
acts about cells.
Awesome. "Some Enchanted Cytoplasm,"
adapted from South Pacific?
Wanda: Your favorite musical
and your favorite organelle!
- Uh, my song is about mitochondria?
- And the human condition.
But also
mitochondria.
Meatball: Uh, which one
of these songs is the most metal?
Let's start blocking.
Shula, you're up.
- Hey.
- Hey!
Did you hear that? I said,
"blocking." That's a director word.
Nice. I just came by because
you forgot your megaphone.
I know you wanted
to look the part.
I am doing much more
than looking the part.
Shula, you're a protozoa.
So why don't you go
downstage right?
I definitely meant
downstage left.
Are you-are you trying, maybe,
to get her to go upstage left?
You know what? Blocking isn't
essential to One Cellular Sensation!
Many protozoa barely move.
Are you sure you don't
want me to stick around
and help out a little bit?
I really don't mind.
No. No, no. Go!
Go, go, go. Yeah, I got this.
Okay.
Sheesh, everybody wants
to be in showbiz.
From the top!
Tansy, is, uh,
everything okay?
No. Someone bought all
the rocky road from the Dixie stop.
And I had a fight with Scooter.
He says I'm being cagey, which I am,
ever since I let y'all into that party.
- I feel so guilty.
- Well...
Tansy, you shouldn't.
- Because McGreevy sucks.
- Excuse me?
The man is a class-A
rotten jerk face...
- Who sucks.
- You're wrong.
Scott McGreevy is a kind,
decent man
and he loves me.
And he loves my Dolly Parton.
All he wants is to do right by his town.
Just like you.
No, there's a difference.
And that difference is we are
not trying to destroy anybody.
I mean, they're trying
to annex BlueBell!
OK? Fillmore is
a Death Star, okay?
And Mayor Gainey is Emperor Palpatine.
And Scooter McGreevy, is his Darth Vader.
Seriously? Life is not
Star Wars, George Tucker.
Why don't you try
asking him his plans?
Because they include bulldozing
this town square here
and putting up
a shopping center.
I don't need to ask him his plans,
because I know Scott.
Besides, how do you get off
criticizing my relationship
when you're dating
little Miss Crazy Eyes?
You're being very mature here.
George, as a hairdresser, I look at
women in the mirror all day long.
Believe me, I can spot crazy eyes.
I'd be careful if I was you.
And I'd be careful if I was me
talking to you. (Clears throat)
Hey, George! Hey, Tansy!
Fancy finding you... together.
Well, three's a crowd.
Bye. (Clears throat)
- Talking merger stuff again?
- Yes, we were.
When my sorority sister Scarlet
told me y'all wished
to emulate our annual Marigold Ball,
I came straight from Montgomery.
Since you took over the Marigold Ball,
it has been the social event of the year.
We were hoping to take you on a tour
and get some input on venues.
And maybe your brother,
the Governor,
would like to attend
our ball here in BlueBell.
Perhaps, but aren't we getting
a little ahead of ourselves?
(Clears throat) Crickett is
just full of town pride.
Loves showing off BlueBell
to everyone.
I do.
Because once someone
sees our beautiful town,
it is hard for them
to stand by to see it
swallowed up by another,
uglier one.
I'm not here to discuss
the Marigold Ball, am I?
Discussing the Marigold Ball is definitely
one of the reasons why you are here.
I've heard about your impending merger.
I don't appreciate being used.
- We have nothing further to discuss.
- Oh, Mrs. Matthews, please.
Let me at least buy you
a sweet tea before you go.
Agneses are famous.
I cannot resist sweet tea.
But in this case, I prefer to go alone.
- Hey, Cricket, what are you doing?
- Hiding from Lemon.
Lemon? I thought
she was out of town.
She is, but the Internet
is everywhere.
She's already trying to help Brick get rid
of Shelby, and I don't wanna be next.
How is Lemon helping Brick
get rid of Shelby?
I don't know.
See, I thought it was by having
Zoe Hart direct that cabaret,
but the cabaret
is awesome.
It is about cells and...
Oh, God, I can't let her leave.
- Shelby?
- Marian Matthews!
That's her car.
I gotta go!
Mm... hmm.
Is that... gum?
Oh, ew.
The sexy reality of being
a fourth-grade teacher.
Well, you are lucky
that you have me
to keep a close eye on you
and that behind of yours.
Keep you gum-free.
Mmm.
Hey, you got plans
tomorrow night?
Scored two tickets to go see
Double Wednesday play
an almost-unheard-of
acoustic show in Mobile.
- Wow. That sounds amazing.
- Pick you up at 9:30?
Great!
- Great. 9:30.
- All right.
- See you then.
- See ya later, sugar. All right!
(Whistles through teeth)
Thought you said things were
going great with Vivian?
They are. We got plans
for tomorrow night.
She was, uh, pumped.
No, she wasn't.
Where did you find the time
between hairdressing,
waitressing, and process serving
to go to psychic school?
- Or was it an online course?
- I'm serious, Wade.
Right before she said "great!"
She paused
and she moved her hair
over her left shoulder.
That is her tell,
like in poker.
I am very good
at identifying tells.
And crazy eyes, though
that does not apply here.
Vivian is a classy lady.
She doesn't want to be going
to different dive bars every night.
You need to step up your game.
Zoe:
Hey!
Hi.
For your information,
rehearsals are going great.
Six hours at the helm,
and lines are memorized,
dances are... in progress.
- I'm sure they are.
- I feel your lack of support. Rude.
Hey, Wade,
can I get 17 coffees?
We're pulling an all-nighter
at the cabaret,
or at least a midnighter.
I'm directing now.
(Laughs)
Oh, man.
Oh, you're serious.
Well, that should at least make
the cabaret interesting.
- Hey, maybe I should take Vivian.
- She would love it. Who wouldn't?
Well, me, for one, but, uh,
that's what earplugs are for.
Zo, about the cabaret.
Um, Brick chose you
for a reason.
And you should know...
Brick chose me because
he believes in my project!
Who would have thought
that Brick Breeland
would be more supportive of my
creative endeavors than you?!
God, after all those nights
listening to you drone on and on
about your novel...
Which sounds so great!
Hey, you know what?
Good luck to you.
Thank you.
You are going to be wowed,
my friends.
I'm gonna send Tom
for the rest of these.
Wowed, I said.
Wowed!
I'm coming!
I figured out how to get Marian
Matthews to stay in BlueBell!
- What is that?
- Spark plugs? I don't know.
- I just opened her car hood and pulled.
- You didn't.
I panicked! But she's staying
the night at the Shamrock,
so at least I did something.
What is your boyfriend, the Mayor,
doing to save BlueBell, hmm?
Morning.
Oh! Good morning!
- I have news!
- The merger's off?
Crickett stole the spark
plugs, or something,
out of Marian Matthew's car,
and she was forced
to stay the night
at the Shamrock Motel.
Marian Matthews?
As in-as in the sister
of the Governor of Alabama?
Yes.
But, glass half full,
she's in BlueBell another day!
- Time to get out and sell her!
- I'm, I'm going back to bed.
No, you are not!
More news!
Lemon is gonna give you
a motivational speech.
- Lemon?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh!
Lavon, today may very well be
the defining day in your mayorship,
so you have a choice.
Are you gonna spend it
in your pajamas,
or are you gonna
go find Marian Matthews,
convince her that BlueBell's a place
like no other, and save the day?!
If-if I go, will you close
the computer?
I'll get dressed.
Annabeth: Ooh! Thank God.
(Clears throat)
Scooter McGreevy...
What brings you to BlueBell?
Just visiting my girlfriend.
She is determined
to work in this craphole.
So I guess you better get
used to seeing me around.
Hey, when are you gonna trade in
this loser?
(Blows raspberry)
- Did you just...?
- Anyway, Tucker...
Isn't it about time
we bury the hatchet?
You know, find our common ground?
Get to know one another as friends?
Really? Friends? 'Cause you
just, you called me...
That is so sweet
of you, Scott.
It'd probably for the best
as I'll be taking over
much of your business
once the towns merge.
Okay, well, this was fun.
Lot of fun.
George, I have someone for you.
Lemon: George, there you are!
Lemon?!
Hello, Lynly. Miss me?
Hi, Lemon!
How's your grandma?
Oh, who cares?
Here's the point.
Lavon is taking the Governor's sister
around BlueBell this afternoon,
so I need you two
to make sure that Gainey
and his Fillmore lackeys don't go
near them so they don't sabotage him.
But Scooter McGreevy's
in the Rammer Jammer right now!
Don't worry about this,
Lemon. I got it.
Do not disappoint me, Tucker.
That was weird.
Hey, Scooter. I'm sorry.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe we should bury
the hatchet.
Sooner rather than later.
Today, even, if we can.
How about right now, actually?
Let's go shoot nine holes,
and you can put your money
where your mouth is, huh?
Ooh, uh, sorry.
I do have plans to go hiking with
Tansy as soon as her shift ends.
Great! A double date!
How fun does that sound?!
Wait... we're doing what?
- So, how do I look?
- Like a bug that just got stepped on.
You look great.
Now, Frank, you have have
the saddest song in the show,
it's called, "There's no tosis
like aptosis," which is cell death.
- That is sad.
- Why do they die?
- It's one of the mysteries of cells.
- That's messed up.
- Brought donuts!
- Donuts!
No, we-we don't have
time for donuts!
Okay, everybody, take five!
Look, I-I was really hoping that you were
here to apologize for all the doubting.
Uh, no, actually I'm here
because I know something.
Um, I was gonna tell you last night when
you came home, but you never came home.
(Sighs)
I was working on costumes.
The cell membranes?
They kept getting jammed
in the sewing machine,
so I had to do them all by hand.
Wow, uh, you're not
making this easier.
Um... (Chuckles)
Okay.
Crickett told me that Brick is working
on a plan to get rid of Shelby.
And that plan is hiring you
to tank her show.
(Sighs)
Poor Joel.
Is that what you have to tell
yourself to be okay with this?
First of all, Brick would
not set me up like that.
Second of all, Crickett is not known
for getting her facts straight.
And third, why are you so sure
that my show is gonna tank?
- It's a cabaret about cells.
- And the human condit...
And the human condition.
Okay, look.
If you don't believe me,
how about I just stick around
and, uh, see your first
run-through, you know.
- We'll watch the show together.
- Yes, that is a wonderful idea.
Okay.
Everyone, everyone,
let's get your costumes on.
We're gonna do
a full run-through.
Okay, so imagine that you just stepped
out of a cab on Madison Avenue.
You walk into the Carlyle.
This is what you see.
♪
♪ We are the plant cells ♪
♪ our structure excels ♪
♪ 'cause we've got chlorophyll ♪
♪ and we photosynthesize ♪
♪ oxygen, it expels ♪
♪ from us, the plant cells ♪
♪ we are rectangular ♪
♪ and become specialized ♪
♪ when it comes
to reproduction ♪
♪ we need no instruction today ♪
♪ 'cause when we do mitosis ♪
♪ we replicate
our perfect state ♪
♪ we are the plant cells ♪
♪ flagella sometimes propels ♪
♪ we're green and lean
and we reproduce ♪
Sexually?
♪ A-sexually. ♪
(All panting)
You're right, my show sucks.
Miss Matthews?
Uh, L-Lavon Hayes.
- Uh, I'm the Mayor of BlueBell.
- Good.
Then you can tell me
where the bus station is.
Oh, look, you've had
a terrible experience here.
So, please allow me a chance
to change your impression.
And why on earth
would I do that?
Because the people of BlueBell
really love our town.
And we are very afraid
we're gonna lose it.
I mean, if y-your brother ratifies
the upcoming merger with Fillmore,
our-our community and our unique sense
of identity, and, believe me...
It is unique...
Will be gone.
Now, if u spend some time here...
- You'll see that for yourself.
- You're having a cabaret?
I love cabarets.
If I could do anything in life,
it'd be to sing.
Done! Shelby's out, you're in.
(Laughing): Heavens no.
I have a voice that would kill cats.
Oh.
But you get me a table front
and center, and I'll stay.
(Chuckles)
Bertram Brick Breeland,
I am nobody's patsy!
If I had a dollar for
every dramatic entrance...
I know that you are using me
to tank the show.
What I don't know is how
you could do this to me?
I am so sorry, Zoe.
This isn't me.
But Shelby was making me
so crazy.
I just needed to find a way
to get her out of here.
And I-I should've known better
than to listen to Lemon.
It was an awful thing to do!
- Agree!
- But I-I...
I'm gonna man up, I'm gonna tell Shelby
to do the show that she wanted to do
and postpone the opening
a few weeks,
- ...and really get it right.
- Good.
- A.B., great news.
- Hmm?
Uh, the-the Governor's sister
agreed to stay
- ...just to see the cabaret tonight!
- Oh, no.
- Could she come back in a few weeks?
- You will open the cabaret tonight.
Whatever it takes.
Now, look, we got exactly one more
chance to-to make her love BlueBell
and talk her brother
out of the merger.
Frank: Zoe, what's my
lysosome's motivation?
How do you think the Governor's
sister feels about cellular biology?
I think the waterfall is
right around this bend.
That's what you said about the last bend.
And the bend before that.
So, you're heading
to law school?
Yes, well, it's between law school,
medical school,
or I might become
a fashion designer.
Sure, those are
all very similar.
I have trouble
making up my mind.
Oh. And how exactly did you
come to stay with Lavon?
My parents thought
I needed a change of pace.
Why was that?
See, my ex-boyfriend
was obsessed with two things.
His lawn and other women.
So, when I found out
he cheated on me,
I put lime in his hose
and killed the lawn.
It may have been
a step too far.
You know though, I think
Tansy can appreciate that.
Because when we broke up, uh,
she threw all my clothes
out of a trailer window.
- So...
- Now, that's a statement.
So, uh, Scooter.
We should probably talk
about this merger.
I don't know what you've heard, but it
sounds to me like it's moving forward.
It is, and it's gonna be great.
And best thing about this merger,
it's gonna end the intertown hostility.
Build some brotherly love.
Give us a chance to work together.
Hmm, I love how you care
about peace, Scooter.
Hey, there.
- Hey.
- I've been looking for you.
- I was just gonna call you.
- Oh? Why?
Well, uh, change of plans!
I got us, uh,
two tickets
for the cabaret tonight.
Your crazy cousin Zoe
is directing,
which should be interesting.
Uh, show starts at 9:30, thought
I'd pick you up at 9:00
for what will probably be
a terrible night at the theatre.
Oh, and by the way,
that's theatre with an r-e
because, you know,
I'm classy like that.
But I was actually coming
to cancel our date.
I'm so sorry. My babysitter's sick.
She ate some bad tilapia.
Don't you have, like,
a million relatives?
I thought that's the big perk
of that situation.
- You got built-in babysitting.
- Yeah, you know, they're all going,
they're all going to see,
my, uh, great-uncle tonight.
He, um, he also had the tilapia.
- Yeah.
- You okay?
Yeah, you just, you know,
you did that, uh,
hair thing again.
- Oh, did I mess it up or something?
- No, no.
No.
- You have a good night, Vivian.
- I'm sorry, Wade.
(Sighs)
I'm beginning to think
this waterfall is
just another figment of your
overactive imagination, Tucker.
Like your legal skills.
(Laughs)
Does that mouth of yours
ever stop flapping, McGreevy?
Uh-oh, somebody
miss nap time?
What is it... you thirsty?
You hungry?
You jealous that I ended up with Tansy
and your new girlfriend has crazy eyes?
Uh-oh. What did you just say?
Okay, you're gonna want
to retract those words immediately.
Your problem is not
with Lynly, it's with me.
- Let's all calm down.
- What's with all the aggression?
We're just a couple of pals out
for a friendly hike, right?
Is that right, pal?
Are you gonna
really stand there
and tell me
that Fillmore doesn't plan
on wiping BlueBell off the map
and call it a merger?
Whoa, bad info.
Incorrect.
Ah. Is it also
incorrect information
that you want to bulldoze
our town square,
put up a mall called
the Gainey Shopping Center?
Oh, my God, that's awful!
What kind of monster would do that?
Scott may be many things,
but he is not a monster.
And he doesn't lie.
Not to me.
- Hmm.
- Scott?
How could you possibly know
about the shopping center?
Only three people know
about that plan.
Did you spy on me?
For them?
I'm sorry, Scooter.
I shouldn't have done it.
Apology not accepted.
From either of you.
- I didn't apologize.
- I'm going home.
Alone. I suggest you stay
in BlueBell with your friends,
and think about where
your loyalties really lie,
before I bulldoze
right over them.
- But what about Dolly?
- I'll feed her.
But I'm telling her
what her mother did.
Tried to save a town.
That's what her mother did.
Tell Dolly that!
And don't you go lying
to that dog about me!
Shelby: I don't get it. You convinced
me that this was the way to go.
You said cells sell.
But at the dress rehearsal we realized
that One Cellular Sensation!
isn't all
that we hoped it would be.
Really?
Well, see, I just don't think BlueBell
is-is ready for something so ambitious.
Classics are classics
for a reason.
I think you should go back to what
you were working on when Dash quit
and-and get that
ready for tonight.
Brick Breeland, what is
really going on here?
Look.
I was trying to tank your show.
'Cause...
I wanted to get rid of you.
It's horrible.
I know, I-I, but I...
I just couldn't take it anymore.
You blew into town.
You-you take over my life.
I'm a grown man, I should've
been able to say no to you.
But you give me that look.
That-that look that's-that's like
a tractor beam, and I can't resist you.
- How could you...?
- Shelby?
Oh.
Oh, my gosh!
Okay, thank you, Brick.
Bye.
Shelby and the baby are okay.
But her blood pressure is low,
so she's on bed rest.
- She's gonna be fine.
- Oh, thank God.
The only thing
to figure out now is the show.
- You're still doing the show?
- Yes. To save BlueBell.
But I was hoping that
you would do the show.
You know, you have all that
actual theater experience.
And right now, BlueBell
really needs that experience.
Uh...
Okay, okay, yeah, okay, uh,
I just need some time
to come up
with a thematic through line,
uh, do a little research...
- You got two hours.
- Or I could jump right in.
Okay. All right.
Listen up, everybody.
Shelby is out.
(All groan) I know.
She was our nucleus.
But now just imagine
a new nuclear membrane
is forming around you.
I'm not feeling this metaphor.
- Me neither.
- Sorry.
- I'm lost.
- Joel is your new director!
- Oh!
- What?
Yes, and we're gonna go back
to the more traditional cabaret
that you guys were preparing.
Our only numbers
in that other show
was between Shelby’s
wardrobe changes.
Without her, we got
a 12-minute cabaret.
Well, then it will be 12 minutes
no one will ever forget.
Okay?
All right, let's, uh,
take it from the top.
(Chattering)
Shelby: This cabaret has been
my dream since I was a little girl.
And I was so close
to making it happen.
- Can't bed rest start tomorrow?
- I'm afraid not.
We just can't
take any chances.
It was really sweet,
what you said earlier.
Oh, what? That you
were ruining my life?
About not being
able to resist me.
I like having
that effect on you.
(Laughs softly)
But I don't want
to drive you crazy.
That's not
fair to you.
Well, I... I was
thinking, you know...
It-it's... it's
only crazy-making
if I try and
resist you, and...
...There is
another option.
There is?
I mean, I...
Could just...
Stop resisting.
We can never
tell Lemon.
Mm-mm.
(Laughs)
Oh, you are
doing that thing
right now, right now.
Th-that tractor beam thing.
Well, there is just one more
thing I need your help with.
(Tansy whoops)
Wow. That is, like, 19 straight.
That's a new record, I think.
(Laughs)
Seriously,
how do you do that?
The trick is to look
at the shot glass, not the quarter.
Lynly: You know what?
Scooter is a jerk.
Even drunk,
she speaks the truth.
(Snorts) Lynly: A person can be nice
to a dog and still be a jerk to a person.
You are amazing.
And I think you deserve
a million times better than...
(Yawns)
...A bicycle.
I think you're
falling asleep.
I am not...
One second.
All right.
You want to go out and
get some air or something?
Yeah.
(Laughs)
♪
Lavon: All right, here we are.
Best seats in the house,
as promised.
Nice work, Mayor Hayes.
Sheriff Bill: Mayor Hayes, there's
something I want to say to you.
Now, everyone's really
upset about this merger.
Here we go.
I speak for all of us when I say
that there isn't anything
we wouldn't do for
BlueBell, or for you.
- Thanks, Sheriff Bill.
- Yeah, well...
I'm not supposed to be out here.
Breaking the fourth wall.
Uh, right.
♪
(Audience applauds)
Hello, there.
Welcome to...
- Whatcha doin'?
- I'm introducing the cabaret.
Tom:
Oh, good, I could use a drink.
Wanda: No, I'm introducing
the cab-a-ret,
- ...not cab-er-net.
- So you can't drink it?
- No, it's a show!
- Gesundheit!
(Rimshot) Wanda: Oh,
no, I wasn't...
Tom: You know what helps when
you're feeling under the weather?
Wanda: What helps when you're
feeling under the weather?
- An umbrella!
- What a joke!
Have you got another?
- I can't give you my other one.
- Why not?
I'm saving it for a rainy day.
(Scattered laughter)
(Applause)
Ha. Ha, ha.
I could only
do so much.
♪
♪ Daisy, Daisy ♪
♪ give me your answer, do ♪
♪ I'm half crazy ♪
♪ all for the love of you ♪
♪ it won't be
a stylish marriage ♪
♪ I can't afford a carriage ♪
♪ but you'll look sweet ♪
(Material tearing)
♪ upon the seat
♪ of a bicycle built for two. ♪
(Polite applause)
- That's it?
- Yeah.
- Good-bye, BlueBell.
- Yeah.
(Audience whispering)
♪ I'm just... ♪
♪ A Broadway baby
♪ waitin' for
the one big chance ♪
♪ to be in a show
♪ oh, gee
♪ I'd like to be ♪
♪ on some marquee
♪ all twinkling lights
♪ a spark to pierce the dark
♪ from Battery Park
♪ to Washington Heights
(Audience whoops)
♪ Some day maybe
♪ all my dreams will be repaid
♪ heck, I'd even play the maid ♪
♪ to be in a...
♪ Show.
(Applause)
(Cheering)
Now that is something
I have never seen before.
This is quite
an unusual town.
(People talking, laughing)
Thank you.
Oh, you shouldn't have... hey.
Thanks.
Lavon: I'm so happy
you enjoyed the show.
- I did.
- Yeah.
But you know what
stands out even more?
How much the people of
BlueBell love their town.
That message has come across
loud and clear since I got here.
These mergers are actually Lieutenant
Governor Byrd's pet project.
I'm gonna call my brother and
insist that he make him come visit.
Oh...
- Thank you so much, Miss Matthews!
- Good luck to you.
(Laughs) We should celebrate!
- Ice cream?
- No more ice cream.
But I can think of another
way we could celebrate.
- Oh...
- Mm-hmm.
Ooh...
(Laughing)
(Exhales)
- Wade.
- Hey.
I hope it's okay I came by.
I guess I should've called first.
It's okay.
Harley's sleeping.
- What's... Going on?
- Well, uh...
I guess...
I'm actually a...
A little confused.
I thought we
were having fun.
I'm into you, seemed like
you were kind of into me...
- I am.
- So what's the problem?
I don't wanna tell you.
I'm embarrassed.
Oh, crap.
- (Whispering): Hey, is it contagious?
- No.
Truth is,
I didn't want to go to the cabaret
tonight because it starts at 9:30.
I'm a single mother.
I have a little boy who gets
me up at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a job that I love
and I can't afford to lose,
and I wanted to hang,
I tried to hang,
but I just can't, and I didn't want
to tell you that I'm a tired old loser.
I can handle
a tired old loser,
you know, especially
when she's as hot
and gorgeous
and all-around hot
and gorgeous as you are.
- (Laughs) Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
So...
It is 9:45.
What do you normally
do at 9:45?
- I watch TV.
- Amazing. I love TV.
- Would you like to come in?
- Thought you'd never ask.
♪
Tansy: Sorry for what
I said about Lynly.
She's sweet.
Despite the cuckoo-bird eyes.
Okay.
There's a chance
I was more bothered by you
having a new girlfriend
than I wanted to admit.
I get it.
I mean, it was,
uh... (Laughs)
It was not easy for me to see
you with Scooter McGreevy.
But if you like the guy, then
he's gotta have at least...
I don't know...
- One redeeming quality.
- Yeah, I don't know.
- Maybe he is just a jerk.
- Yeah.
Lynly's right.
I... I shouldn't be with someone
just 'cause he's good to my dog.
- You cold?
- Yeah.
Here.
I...
(Clears throat)
Am super warm,
so you
can have my sweatshirt.
- Thanks.
- Free of charge, all right?
- Aw...
- That better?
- Yeah.
- All right.
(Sighs)
Sometimes I think I never
should have let you go.
♪
Man, Shelby has got
a set of pipes on her!
I'm sorry that
I've been so crazy.
Hey, for the record,
I completely believe
in your creative
abilities.
It's just that a musical about biology
didn't seem like it was gonna get
the best reception
from the...
From the general public.
Just... I need to know that you
know that I can do anything.
- I do.
- Really?
In fact, I'm actually
feeling a little sad
that I didn't get to hear
more of your songs.
What?
- Buddy...
- Mm-hmm?
...Hold on to
your socks!
(Clears throat)
♪
Oh, boy.
(Laughs)
♪ The minute I ate
that bad beef ♪
♪ the contamination
spread through my system ♪
♪ you're a rod-shaped
bacterium ♪
♪ you give me nausea,
shakes and delirium ♪
♪ you punch me
right in the gut ♪
♪ hurt my head, my butt,
and cause me misery ♪
♪ spend...
♪ A little less time with me.
(Laughing)