Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 3, Episode 3 - Take This Job and Shove It - full transcript

I sublet the carriage house
to my cousin Lynly.

Now, if you so much as flirt with
her, I will remove your arms.

- Just call me "Chick from last night."
- Uh, Chick, I made you some eggs.

- What's wrong, Lynly?
- I met a guy. He made me eggs.

But he said he doesn't want
to see me again.

- We need a favor.
- A favor?

- I was hoping you would tutor her.
- Of course.

All right, each of you
are here

because your contempt for
our neighbors to the north.

- I hate you, but I hate Fillmore more.
- Exactly.

You are supposed to be gone.
This practice is mine now.



I have the e-mail to prove it.

Of course it is. I am just here
to see how you are.

Stay away from my patients,
or I'll get a restraining order.

I am the only doctor in town.
I thought I banned you.

I'm here as a girlfriend,
not doctor.

You really don't see
a pattern here?

All I said was that you might have
sleep apnea. I heard snoring.

Yesterday you wanted
to check me for scoliosis,

the day before that,
dengue fever.

Look, you don't have to be
overweight to have sleep apnea.

You could have
a deformed epiglottis.

(chuckles) Come on. If you
love me, you'll let me

just take one little
peek down your throat.

All right, all right,
this is a family establishment.



You can take the flashlight and
the dirty talk back to the Whippoorwill.

Two Alabama Omelettes.

Are these egg whites?
'Cause, you know, I...

Yeah, yeah, egg whites
from free-range chickens

raised up on the Upper West Side
of Manhattan.

Went to all the best schools.
Enjoy.

Well, that never gets old.

Okay, come on, just
one look? Say "Ah""

Zoe, sweetie...

You need to go back to work.

I know.

It's just that we've
been here a while,

and you don't seem any closer
to finding gainful employment.

No, but I am. I've spent
the last couple weeks enacting

a genius two-pronged plan
to get Brick to hire me back.

- I'm intrigued.
- Prong one: butter him up!

Every day I stop by his office,
bring him a pastry, say, "Hey".

Prong two:

Every lunch hour, I schmooze
the good people of BlueBell

right in
Brick's line of vision.

Why? So Brick knows you're
not missing any meals?

So he can remember the good rapport
I have with my former patients.

Slowly, an idea will form,
take root.

Then one night, he will
have a realization:

"Zoe Hart could open her own
practice and steal my patients!"

Soon after that,
he's gonna ask me back.

So what do you think?

Well, I think I can reduce your
two-pronged approach to a single prong.

Why don't you open
your own practice?

What? No, no.

I don't want my own...

The whole point of this is for me
to get back into that practice.

Yeah, but Brick doesn't have
to know that.

If he's so scared, threaten to go
into business for yourself.

We have to do things
the Southern way.

Trust me.
It's already working.

Even if it seems like it's not,
that's what makes it Southern.

Huh?

And I'd like to see a mockup
for the bouquets

by the end of the day today.

That is a hard
deadline, people.

Better get comfortable. We could
be here for days. What'd I miss?

Oh, well, Her Highness has set a new
record for opening remarks: 20 minutes.

Now for new business.

First up, the annual plantathon.
It's time to decorate the gazebo.

So, in the interest of
speeding things along...

Lemon...

I didn't call on you yet.

Yes, I know, but have to get
back to the Rammer Jammer.

I'm prepping for a very special
show tomorrow night.

Lemon booked The Head and the Heart.
Y'all should come.

I didn't realize we allowed personal
solicitations at our meetings.

Well, the point is that I just
want to let everyone know

what type of flowers I ordered.

- Three colors of roses...
- Oh, let me just stop you right there.

See, I am choosing
the flowers this year.

- Crickett, I always choose...
- Begonias and oleander.

It'll be beautiful.

Now moving on...

Let it go, Lemon,
there's always next year.

Crickett, you're
making a mistake.

Lemon, I-I'm not sure
I heard you.

Well, first of all, begonias and
oleander are an appalling combination,

creatively, aesthetically,
and botanically.

And second of all,
oleanders are poisonous,

and I'm pretty sure that it's
in our best interest

not to be killing
the good people of BlueBell.

It is a good point.
(both chuckle)

Well, this is
a democratic institution.

Lets put it to a vote, shall we?

Everyone who thinks the leader
of the Belles should choose

the flowers this year, raise
your hands so I can see them.

And everyone who thinks we
should trust the judgment

of Lemon Breeland,
who, I remind you,

recently had relations with
Meatball, raise your hands.

And there you have it.
Yay, democracy!

Hey, Frank.

Where do I find
earplugs and antihistamines?

You're gonna have to
wait for Tom to get in.

I'm off duty.

From 12:00 to 2:00,
I man my other business,

Dixie Stop
Investigations.

BlueBell's only full-service
security and investigative firm.

Um... could you investigate
the mystery of where I could find

earplugs
and antihistamines?

Is this guy giving you
some trouble there, Frank?

I was just under the impression
that I could actually buy drugs

from the Dixie Stop Drugstore.

Well, I could prescribe you some ointment
to get rid of that New York attitude.

(chuckles)

Okay, I'm not sure what I did
to offend you, but I'm sorry.

Well, maybe you should
just check with your girlfriend.

You think I don't know
what she's up to?

Uh, Zoe's up to nothing, except
diagnosing me

and learning to juggle because you
won't let her back in her practice.

"Her" practice?

- Her practice!
- No, I didn't mean that.

Oh, so that's
what she thinks?

That's not what I meant.
I didn't...

I spent 25 years building
this practice,

and she's gonna steal it out
from under me?

She's not trying
to steal it...

I have seen her
schmoozing my patients.

Brick, believe me, if she wanted
to steal your patients,

she would have stolen them
by now.

It's obvious
this town loves her.

Oh, really?!

Oh, so that's what
she thinks?

Well, if Zoe Hart wants
to open her own practice,

you tell her
to be my guest.

That wasn't my point.
I did not mean that. Brick, come on!

(sighs)

I think he may have taken that
the wrong way.

Oh, no, this can't
be happening!

- This is the worst news possible.
- What is it?

Fillmore's about to get their
own minor league baseball team.

Okay, so not
the worst news possible.

There've been rumblings that
the Daphne Mackerals are leaving Daphne.

So I called the owner, Cameron Lynch,
to pitch 'em BlueBell, six, seven times.

- Lavon...
- Never got a callback.

- Now they in negotiations with Fillmore!
- Lavon!

Why don't you ask Brick to help?

Brick? Why?

Because Brick and Cameron Lynch
are old college buddies.

Which I know since,
lucky me,

managing Brick's Facebook page
falls under my job description.

Annabeth, sweetheart,
I could kiss you right now!

Ooh, not a bad opening offer,
but I think you can do better.

(both chuckle)

It's kind of a dull pain, you know,
but sharp, if you know what I mean.

- It hurts when you're slinging fish?
- Yeah.

It's a rotator cuff.
Get an MRI.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Thanks, Doc.
- Sure.

(coughing)

Delma! Delma, Delma, I do not
like the sound of that cough.

Maybe my biscuit went down
the wrong tube?

Maybe you need to get
an X ray.

Hey! There she is, the hardest-working
unemployed doctor in the South.

I can't turn it off.

Exactly! Which is why

I've been thinking that you really
should start your own practice.

I'm sorry. Did one of us
have an aneurysm

or did we not have that very
conversation this morning?

No, we did, we did.

So what has changed
between then and now?

Joel?

(laughs)

Promise me that you'll see this

for the funny story
that it will eventually become.

Oh, no.

Oh, like what you've done
with my office.

Well, if it isn't
the competition.

Joel has something
he wants to say.

Yes, Dr. Breeland. We had
a miscommunication earlier.

I in no way meant
to threaten or imply

that Zoe wants
to open her own practice.

That-That is the last thing
she wants to do.

Very last thing. So true.

Then why have I been getting calls
from old Sal Nutter asking about an MRI

and Delma Warner
requesting X rays?

What do these patients have
in common?

I was just making
conversation with my friends.

Or as we down here in the South,
trying to hijack my livelihood!

Oh... Show him the pecan
strudel. It's amazing.

Brick, I don't get it.

We were doing so great
before I left for New York.

We enjoyed working together!

Oh, you can rewrite
history all you want.

All I can say is I'm
a million times happier

and this town is a trillion
times healthier since you left.

Everything okay in here?

Yeah. They're just in
the middle of making up.

- Well, don't believe me. Ask anyone!
- Fine. Consider my apology retracted.

Whatever Joel said
the first time? He was right.

I am gonna open my own practice!

Actually, you can't.

Excuse me?

I was just dropping off some
files, but legally,

you are not allowed
to open your own practice.

Ha! That's my lawyer!

Okay, we say two words to each
other in five months

and this is how you want
to restart communication?

Okay, look, this isn't personal,

but you have a non-compete
clause in your contract, okay?

If either partner leaves,
he or she is barred from opening

their own practice within 20 miles
of BlueBell for at least year.

He's right.
You're right.

I am so happy
we're speaking again.

And if you so much as hand a
sneezing Shula Whitaker a tissue,

I will sue you for
everything you're worth.

Actually there's a cap
of $350,000.

Oh. Oh, well, hey,
that-that-that's better.

Zoe, I'm sorry,
I had no idea.

It was a beautiful
two-pronged plan, Joel.

Now I got no prongs.

You left me
with zero prongs!

Season 3, Episode 3
Take This Job and Shove It

Well, you were already
gone for a while,

so what's another
six months to lay low?

You can do that.

Do what? Not be a doctor
for that long? I'll go crazy.

Just think of it
as a sabbatical.

Hell, I'd love a
six-month sabbatical.

Your whole life is a sabbatical.

You know, there's a certain kind of guy
who might be insulted by that.

Not me.
Mm.

See, I am a glass half full
kind of guy.

Maybe I can do that;

turn off the diagnostic part
of my brain for six months.

Maybe I can see Teddy Babbitz

and not notice
his conjunctivitis.

Or see Shula, but not see

what appears to be
a pre-cancerous mole on her neck.

I'm pretty sure
that's guacamole.

Still, I really want
to biopsy it.

Yeah, well, you're gonna
have to try harder.

- Looks like you got a new best friend.
- Hmm?

(groans)

I do believe somebody hired the nation's
only pharmacist P.I. to keep tabs on you.

Ugh, Brick.
This is a disaster.

Six months?
I am not gonna last six days.

Good luck with that.

(sighs)

And more pastry? Weird.

Ah, this one is
a banana cream pie.

All right, what
do you need?

I got an opportunity
for you.

Well, for us.

Now, remember
how you told me how much

you loved going
to baseball games as a kid?

- Oh...
- Yeah. (chuckles)

What if BlueBell had
our very own Minor League team?

Well, that be heaven on Earth.

But that's a bit of a
pipe dream, isn't it?

Well, actually, it turns out

the Daphne Mackerals are looking
for a new town to call home.

And I just learned
that their owner

- (groans)
- is an old friend of yours.

- Oh, no, Cameron Lynch.
- You went to college with him.

No, I went to
college with her.

And I wouldn't call Cam Lynch
a friend so much

as I would the most annoying
person I ever met.

Br-Brick, BlueBell needs this.
You could be the savior.

Just one phone call. Get her to visit.
I'll do the rest.

I have been trying to
unfriend Cameron Lynch

since before Facebook
was even invented.

Okay, okay, okay,
look, look.

Just close your eyes.

Hmm?

Picture this.

It's opening day
for the BlueBell Mackeral,

Mackeral, Mackeral,
Mackeral, Mackeral.

Smell it.

The-the peanuts,
the Cracker Jacks.

(chuckles)

The freshly cut grass.

Who's that
on the pitcher's mound?

It's you, Brick Breeland,

throwing out the ceremonial
first pitch of the season.

(crowd cheering, bat hitting ball)
All right. I'll make the call.

Leave the pie.

Oh.

So, the test will try
to trick you into thinking

that a correlation between two
things is actually a causation.

And...

- You don't have to do that.
- Why can't we do this outside?

It's sunny. I brought
a bathing suit.

Yup, after I asked you
not to.

Lynly, I'm trying to help you study
here and you seem intent on flirting.

I'm sure I don't know
what you're talking about.

Really? You remember yesterday
when you said

that you could process information
better if I held your hand?

Physical contact helps a
certain kind of student.

That's a fact.

We're called
"tactile learners""

Okay... (clears throat)

Lynly, whatever it is

that you think is
going to happen here

is not going to happen.

Okay? We are not going
to get together.

And not just because Lavon
would break my kneecaps.

But... (chuckles)

I'm not the guy for you.

I'm going to wear you
down, George Tucker.

And sooner or later,
you will ask me out.

- I don't...
- Can I just say one more thing?

- (laughs) Is it, uh, is it LSAT related?
- Indirectly.

I think there is a correlation
between how remarkable your eyes are

and how much I want to brush
the hair away just...

- Hey, guys.
- Uh, hey!

- Sorry to interrupt.
- Lavon, not interrupting at all, man.

We were just studying.
Lots and lots of studying.

Yup, I have learned so much.

Oh, good, well...
You know, I hate to do this,

but I-I really need George
on urgent town business.

Oh, no, that's perfectly fine.
100% fine.

Um, Lynly, you and I
will reschedule

for sometime
in the distant future, okay?

Not too distant, I hope.
See you soon, George Tucker.

What you need?
Step into my office.

All right.

Uh, now, BlueBell has a chance to
win a Minor League baseball team.

- What? Really?
- Yeah.

That's-that's huge, Lavon.

You know, I always thought that
I could play in the minor leagues, man.

Yeah, I was a second baseman.
Also was a cleanup hitter.

(laughs) Do we have a name yet?
Because...

The BlueBell Bombardiers
suggests a really cool logo.

Retro, yet intimidating.

Okay, whoa, let's not get
ahead of ourselves, all right?

Now, first we need options on
the-the land behind Barnard's farm.

- Okay.
- And a cost benefit presentation.

Now, how long to put
all that together?

- (splutters) Three weeks if I rush it.
- You've got 24 hours.

That's... that's not...
(laughs)

Hi.

Go ahead, dig in.

Please, help yourselves,
so glad to see y'all.

Okay.

- We're ready.
- Okay.

Okay.

Ladies. Thank you
for coming.

I would like to tell you all
why we're here.

We're not planning
a surprise party for Crickett?

Oh, no. That was
my cover story.

Welcome to
the first meeting of...

The Resistance.

I even got special cheese.

Port Salut... eaten by the students
during the French Revolution.

What exactly are we resisting?

The current and very inadequate
leadership of the Belles.

Crickett and her silent partners,
Elodie and Tara Jane.

I thought we could all start
with our grievances.

Who would like to go first?

Oh, come on, Julianne.
Aren't bake sales down 50%?

Carol, do you think we'll ever see
the designs for the new winter scarves?

Listen, I understand that
you are scared to speak out

and that is how
an oppressive regime works.

But this...

- Is a safe space.
- It's very safe.

And I have a plan
to depose Crickett.

Do you now?
I'd love to hear it.

Oops, someone forgot
to lock the door.

- Oh, my God.
- Crickett, what a... surprise!

- Ah!
- We were just...

...Planning my party?

(sniffs)

Port Salut.

The cheese of rebels.

I presume you recognize this.

- I do.
- Lemon Breeland,

I hereby accuse you of first-degree
behavior unbecoming a Belle.

Treason.

(clears throat)
Per bylaw six...

"If you wish to remain a member,

you must face
the Sanctions of ReBellement."

(huffs)
That is all.

Lord have mercy.

(door closes)

LAVON: Cameron, Brick, must be nice
to be together again.

So, what's the nightlife
like around here?

Oh, I'm glad you asked.

Now, being a former pro athlete,
I've seen your major cities.

- But-but the appeal here...
- Actually, I'd love Brick's take on this.

Brick?

Oh, well, we have great
restaurants.

You know, there's Fancies,
and-and the Rammer Jammer!

Oh, you remember the little place
we used to go to in Tuscaloosa?

Remember they had those
big scorpion bowls?

No, no, not really...

And I did that funny
accent you loved.

The rain in "Shpain"
drives me "inshane"

Remember? You'd pretend
to muzzle me, and you'd be like,

"No more accent.
Enough with the accent."

It was hilarious.

Know that I could expedite a liquor
license for any stadium we build.

I'm sorry to hear about your
marriage ending a little while back.

Must be tough to meet women
in such a small town.

- Um...
- I don't see any. Where are they?

It's Frank.
Uh, excuse me.

Yeah!

She's buying a scone...

No! It's a cruller.

Wait, wh-what's
the difference again?

BRICK: Yeah, Frank, I don't care
what Zoe is eating.

Is she treating anyone
medically?

Not yet, but here comes Sal.

Hey, Doc, my elbow hurts
when I go like ts.

He's saying his elbow hurts
when he goes like that...

Ow!

Zoe's looking and...

Sorry, Sal.
I can't help you.

Damn it. So close.

Hold on. There's another
trout sniffing the bait.

(sneezes)
Gesundheit!

I got it.

Zoe gave Shula
a gesundheit.

I got one gesundheit on tape...
That cat is in the box.

Frank, she's allowed
a gesundheit.

- Just stay on her, and report back.
- Ten-four. Mad Dog out.

H-Hi, that was
a long phone call.

(laughs)

Hey! You looked like you were
getting hungry following me around.

I'm going to the laundromat,
then I'm heading home.

Tell Brick I said, "What up"!

Listen, I just wanted to say that
I am gravely sorry for my behavior.

It was an uncharacteristic
reaction to a perceived slight,

and it won't happen again.

Well, I'm so happy
to hear that, Lemon.

Also, I was hoping that you could
lift the Sanctions of ReBellement.

Oh, no, I can't do that.

Well, of course you can.

As our leader, it is both your right
and your prerogative to lift them.

Then I guess what I mean
is I don't want to.

Crickett?

What is going on with you?

We have history.

I was bridesmaid
at your wedding.

You were bridesmaid
at my near-wedding.

You wrote the sweetest toast
that no one ever got to hear.

Listen, you are not
the dictator type.

This is all those Baker sisters, isn't it?
Elodie and Tara Jane.

- I don't know what you're insinuating...
- Oh, come on.

They are whispering in your
ear every step of the way.

Using you like... some
puppet that kids love,

but adults are very scared of.

You are wrong, Lemon.
You want to know the truth?

Everything I learned about leading
the Belles, I learned from you.

Now, if you wish
to perform the sanctions,

your first act will be cleaning
the graffiti off this wall.

And if not, you can leave the Belles.

It's your choice.

Oh, I'll perform
the sanctions.

I'll perform them so well,
they'll name them after me.

They'll call them the "Lemons."
You hear me?

The Lemons!

(stomps foot)

(door opens)

(grunts)

Holy mother of pearl!

Lynly, what the hell
are you doing?!

- Oh, my God, I don't know!
- What do you mean you don't know?!

This always seems like a good idea
when you see it in the movies, but...

What kind of movies
are you watching?

I wanted to surprise you,
but I-I couldn't decide

between my sexy zippered dress
or my sexy lingerie

and now I know I chose wrong!

Okay, no, it wasn't just the wardrobe
choice that was wrong.

It was the whole thing.
You need to get dressed.

I'm trying.
Could you turn around?

Oh, now we're being modest.

Yeah, sure.
But, Lynly, listen.

even if I unintentionally gave
you the signals

that you should come over to
my houseboat and lay down naked

on my bed, which I didn't,

you could not have picked
a worse day to do this

because Lavon is
currently counting on me

to get BlueBell...
What is taking so long?

The zipper's stuck.

It won't move.
Could you help me, please?

For the love of Pete.

Okay, it's just jammed
a little bit.

I just got to get
some leverage here.

Be careful.
Don't rip it.

All right, here we go.

(grunts)
One more time, okay.

(zips) Ow!

What? What happened?!
Ow!

Ow, my hand is stuck!

Please stop moving,
please stop moving.

- Oh!
- Oh, my God, is that blood?

(pained whimpering)

That looks like blood.
You need a doctor.

Yeah.
(breathing hard)

- We'll call Brick.
- No! No way!

- Dr. Breeland's with Lavon today.
- Okay, so we won't call Brick.

Come on.

Lynly, you need to come...
Oh.

Slowly...

(birds twittering)

(sighs)

I miss my reflex hammer!

(door opens)

- How we doing?
- Not good, Joel. Not good at all.

Would you feel better if I told you
I brought take-out from Fancies?

No, I would not.

Would you feel better if I told you
I bought us airline tickets to France?

- Did you?
- No. But I could.

I feel like my brain is
on house arrest.

This is why
the caged bird sings.

Can I say one thing without you
wanting to throw a fork in my face?

- Probably not.
- Look...

20 miles
isn't all that far.

There are other small towns
around here that need doctors...

What?! No! I'm not actually
a small-town doctor.

I moved back here
to be BlueBell's doctor.

This town,
these patients.

And now, I'm back in BlueBell,
and I can't practice.

I'm like a ship without a port.
A man without a country.

- I was just trying to help.
- I know...

But unless
you can find a time machine,

and go back to yesterday
and not run into Brick...

(phone rings)

(sighs)

George?

You are the last person
I thought I would be calling,

but I need a doctor,
and it can't be Brick.

Oh, uh, yeah,
I'll be right there.

I have to go.

Do you want me
to come with you?

Are you a trained
physician?

All right.

If anyone asks,

you have no idea
where I am.

Emotionally?
'Cause that's true.

Shut up.

Yeah.

(clattering)

Ow.

(phone rings)

Yo, Healer
Previously Known As Doc.

Wade, I'm only calling you 'cause
this falls into your skill set.

I need to treat George.
Can you help get Frank off my ass?

Done.

(ringtone song playing)

Dixie Stop Investigations.

Hey, Frank. A mob of hooligans said
they were gonna loot the Dixie Stop

'cause no one's
minding the store.

What? I locked up.

Mm, you still keep that spare key
under the fake rock out front?

- You think they know?
- Frank, everyone knows.

Zoe? Zoe?

Uh, listen.

Uh, I'm not following
you or anything,

but could you
maybe do me a favor

and-and stay put for the
next 20 minutes or so?

- No problem, Frank.
- (laughs) Thanks.

Lemon?

Oh, no, Zoe Hart,
you have seen nothing here.

- Just move along.
- Too late.

Can't wipe the image
from my brain.

What are you, reenacting
a scene from Annie?

- Oh, you'd be a better Ms. Hannigan.
- Okay.

Well, I wouldn't expect you
to understand little things

like history, or legacy
or tradition.

Tradition? Wrong show.
That's Fiddler on the Roof.

- Don't you have somewhere else to be?
- Lemon, just remember.

The sun will come out tomorrow.

GEORGE: How about the...? Aah!
No, no, no! Ooh! Oh!

Whoa.

Uh...

We were studying
for the LSATs.

- Of course you were.
- Hold on.

That's exactly
what this looks like.

Now, I take it
now's not a good time to talk

about that whole
non-compete clause?

Doesn't it preclude
this sort of thing?

Okay, if you could do me
a favor and get all

your wise-ass remarks
out of the way quickly,

because this
really hurts.

Okay.

Don't worry.

I've seen this
sort of thing before.

(George sighs) Usually it's not
a hand, so, silver lining.

(laughs)

- Let me...
- Ow! What are you doing?

Well, I have to get the zipper
teeth out of your skin.

- I can take you to the hospital.
- No! No one can know!

Absolutely not.

(phone ringing)

Okay, that is Lavon.
I have to get that.

Nobody say anything.

(grunts softly)

Lynly... come on.

Want to know what
I did for my 50th?

I got a tattoo.

- Want to guess what kind?
- Uh, uh, no, no, I do not, actually.

Do you want to guess
where I put it?

- Still no.
- You want to be surprised. I get it.

Ah.

Uh, what does that mean, you're not
going to make it? You have to.

I'm very sorry, Lavon, but I have a bit
of a personal emergency right now.

I am... stuck.

- Well, for how long?
- I don't know. A couple hours.

I...
(quiet, high-pitched shriek)

...will call you back
as soon as I possibly can.

Thank you, Lavon.
Bye-bye.

Holy mother of mothers!
What are you doing?!

I am trying to unzip you, George.
Hold still.

Does blood come
out of spandex?

Want to know what I'm doing for
my next birthday? (coughs)

Excuse me. Now, Brick,
can I talk to you a minute?

Uh, yes.

I'll order your
dessert, Brick.

You still like sherbet?

I have had about enough
of that wackadoo.

- And that is a doctor's term.
- No.

You can't leave until George
gets here with the presentation.

We have to stall her.

Now, in case you haven't noticed,
she is into the town of BlueBell...

Or at least certain individuals
that reside here.

Mayor Hayes, I am profoundly
uncomfortable being used this way.

I've seen you pitch.

And I don't think
it's unrealistic

to imagine a future
where you, Brick Breeland,

take the mound as that older
relief pitcher for the BlueBell

Mackeral, Mackeral, Mackeral, Mackerals.
(crowd cheering, organ music playing)

Now, y-you never
had your shot.

But you'll win the big game
with your slider.

(bat hits ball, crowd cheering)
Oh.

Disney would make
a movie out of that.

Yeah, fine,
fine, I'll...

I'll stay
through dessert.

Okay, good, and could you maybe
laugh at a couple of her jokes?

Or not.

Are you sure you know
what you're doing right now?

Well, I can call Brick. I'm sure
he's got actual anesthetic.

- No, please don't.
- All right.

I have removed everything
that I can.

It is time to unzip
the zipper. You ready?

(exhales)

- Yes. Oh, God, is it gonna hurt?
- Did you really just ask that question?

You think this is gonna hurt you?
You're not gonna feel a thing.

I'm sorry. I was
asking about you.

Well, in that case, yes!
It's going to hurt me a lot!

George, knock it off.
You're making her upset,

which is going to make this
impossible to do

without slicing off
one of your fingers.

You know, there is something
seriously wrong with this girl.

I have told you I'm sorry
I don't know how many times.

I have a history of choosing
terrible men, and...

I think when I finally found a good one,
I overcompensated and went a little nuts.

- I am sorry.
- I don't know.

Sounds like
a pretty good explanation to me.

Oh!

- Ow!
- I have to go.

(George groans)

Oh.

Oh. Ugh.

(whispers):
You're welcome.

You know, if, uh, our team were
to settle in BlueBell, we could eat

sherbet like
this every night.

- Wouldn't that be nice?
- Uh-huh!

I hear coconut tastes
especially good off the skin.

Dr. Breeland, it's an emergency.
Zoe Hart's gone missing.

Well, Frank, you were
supposed to follow her.

- Not now, Frank.
- She ditched me.

I think maybe she's been trained
in counterespionage techniques.

Is there a problem?

FRANK: Last I saw, she was
walking through town square,

carrying a bag that may
or may not have contained

hidden doctoring equipment.

- Damn it.
- Whoa, Brick.

We are right in the middle of
entertaining our guest here.

Um, you'll have to excuse me.

Yeah, don't mind me.

Just a thirsty patron here
slowly dying of dehydration.

Shakespeare.

- What can I get for you?
- Just a beer.

Do you have
something imported?

Whoa, imported.
Well, I'd have to check.

Might have a six-pack
of something or other

that Wally brought down to Mexico,
didn't drink, and brought back.

That work for you?

Come on, nothing?

You... all right?

I'm, uh... I'm not sure.

The, uh... the rules
of this place are...

proving to be a little hard
to grasp.

The rules of this place, or
the rules of your girlfriend?

I recognize that look
you got on your face.

Hell, I've worn it myself, amigo.
That is a Zoe Hart original.

Tell me I'm wrong.

LAVON:
Hey.

Heads up. If either
of y'all know where Zoe is,

you might want to tell her that Brick's
looking for her, and he's pissed.

All right.

Hey, Imported Beer,
I know what to do.

You're coming with me.
Let's go.

WADE All right.

He's going in there, he's going to call
everyone in town till he finds her.

We just need to keep him busy
long enough for Zoe to fix George.

How good an actor are you?

Why?

Well, we need to fake
a medical emergency.

So, your appendix just exploded,
you're in incredible pain. Go.

Uh... uh...

Oh! Oh! Oh, my...
uh, my stomach!

Uh, it's like someone,
uh, took a red hot fork

and just dug it into the
right side of my abdomen.

Oh, God... oh, please,
God make it stop!

Huh. "Please, God,
make it stop" is right.

Yeah, okay, fine, I'm a lousy actor.
That's why I write.

Plan B, we, uh...

We try and wait him out,
hope we can get lucky.

No.

No, if-if this is what it takes
to save Zoe, then I'll-I'll sell it.

I'll, uh... I'll-I'll go method.

- Here. Hit me in the gut.
- What?

No, I'm not...
I'm not gonna punch you, fool.

What, are you, uh... what are you scared?
I mean, what are you... are you sensitive?

You afraid
I'll see you...

(high-pitched voice):
...hit like a little girl?

(laughs)

(grunts) Oh!

Oh.

(strains):
Yeah, that's good.

Uh, Doctor?

Stomach...

Feels like... I swallowed a log,
and someone set it on fire.

You-you're not faking this
in order to distract me

so I don't go looking for
your girlfriend, are you?

I think I'm gonna vomit.

Uh... get you in here
in the exam room.

(Joel groans)

Thank you.

He's not coming back, is he?

Brick? I'm sure he, uh, came
across a doctor emergency.

You know, knowing him, he can't wait
to get right back here to you.

(chuckles) Yeah.

Well, I got places I need to go.

Well, would you at least like
to see the site

where we'd like
to put the stadium?

You know, this is just like
summer after freshman year.

I thought Brick and I were
gonna drive cross-country,

but I never heard
from him.

My bags were all packed.

Why don't you tell
Dr. Breeland

I will be unfriending him
on Facebook?

Good day, Mayor.

- Interesting.
- No, I don't want to hear it, okay?

- I didn't say anything.
- I already know what you're gonna say.

"Lemon, why are you humiliating yourself
for such an archaic organization?"

"Why do you even care
what the Belles think?"

"Friends who treat friends like
that aren't even friends at all."

Maybe. Or maybe I was
just gonna say it's a shame

I never see you sweep
the Rammer Jammer.

Also, you missed a spot.

(groans softly)

Before I finish, let's talk
about that non-compete clause.

You wrote it, so you must
know a way around it.

What if I only practice
on weekends?

Or get paid in Euros?

(chuckles) Zoe, are you saying that
you're not gonna finish stitching me up

unless I tell you
how to break the non-compete?

You can't pull off that
kind of hardball.

Stupid Hippocratic oath.

(chuckles)

Look, the truth is, there is
no way around the non-compete.

And I don't think Brick is 100%
wrong for wanting to enforce it.

You know I'm holding a needle
above your pasty flesh.

Look, you-you skipped
town for five months

without giving him so much as
a word of warning, all right?

When his last partner left, it put him
in a pretty deep funk, too.

His last partner? You mean
Harley Wilkes, my father?

- He didn't leave. He died.
- Exactly.

And I don't think that Brick ever
really forgave him for that.

(knocking)

Yeah?

(clears throat)

You win.

You caught me. I am guilty of practicing
medicine in BlueBell, so here you go.

A check for $350,000?

Yeah, you might want to wait to cash
that for about, uh, ten, 15 years,

but I am done
fighting with you.

I'm done trying to get you
to take me back.

Well, okay.

- Good luck to you then.
- Okay.

(clears throat) Before I go,
you should know that

when I went to New York,
I didn't realize how much

I was gonna miss
being a doctor here.

And that working in this office
that was my father's

with a guy who became
sort of a partner,

sort of a mentor, someone who was...
family-adjacent.

Oh, Zoe...

Look, I'm just,
I'm sorry, you know,

for abandoning you
for my own stupid reasons.

I'm sorry that you are this
perpetually crabby jerk now.

Which you kind of were a little
bit before, but only around me.

So if it's my fault that you've kind of
taken that full-on now, I apologize.

It is not your fault, Zoe.

It's everything.

I went off to marry Shelby,

I came back alone. And
then you weren't here.

And then Magnolia, she left.

My world, it's just sort of
getting smaller and smaller,

and then, yeah, I guess I did
start feeling sorry for myself,

and pretty soon
that's all I did.

And yeah, being overworked
didn't help.

That part, that was my fault.

But look, I do have a plan
to turn this around, though.

Uh, I am gonna hire
somebody.

Not a partner,
but an associate.

Somebody who is working for me, and
could maybe work their way up.

Earn their place here.

You wouldn't know anybody who'd be
interested in that position, would you?

(both chuckle)

Wow, you even got all the gum
off the pavement.

That gum's been there for ten years.
How'd you do it?

Turpentine and a toothbrush.

TARA JANE:
And you painted the gazebo,

and pressure-washed the church
steps, and nobody helped you?

That's right.
And I can't wait for y'all

to see how I got the graffiti off
the wall behind the Dixie Stop.

I don't understand.

Oh, well, which part?

I made sure to use
very small words.

As I was removing my 23rd piece of gum
from the sidewalk, I realized, you know,

I don't have any interest in being
part of an organization that would

ask me to remove gum
from the sidewalk.

Lemon, it's in the bylaws.

Yeah, well, you know what you
can do with those bylaws?

Or do I have to spell that out
on the wall for you, too?

Crickett, Elodie,
Tara Jane,

I quit, too. Hold up, Lemon.

- A.B., you didn't have to do that.
- I know I didn't, but I loved it. (laughs)

I was going over
the numbers in my head.

We just bought ourselves
ten extra hours a week.

- What are we gonna do with all that time?
- I say we start by getting a drink.

To the Resistance!
To the Resistance!

(playing rock music)

♪ I put in the pictures

♪ You put in the time

♪ You put all those memories
so deep inside my mind ♪

♪ Now the wind, yes, the wind
keeps pushing you and me ♪

♪ Time in time, I know
when it's time to leave ♪

Yeah!

♪ And the memories we made...

Oh, hey there,
doc... umentary watcher.

You can go back
to calling me Doc.

Good news, Brick and I reached
an agreement.

- Well, congratulations.
- Bad news, I lost my boyfriend.

I suspect he's on his way back
to New York

out of fear
that I might murder him.

Oh, knock it off. You know he hasn't.
Even though he'd be right to do so.

Why are you taking his side?

Do you know that he picked
a fight with Brick?

Yean, and you did far stupider
things when you first got here.

Got George Tucker run over,
you ruined a town parade,

shorted out half
the fuses in town.

And that was in
your first week.

How is it that you drink so
much, yet you forget nothing?

(chuckles) Maybe just
take it easy on the guy.

After all, he did take a
punch in the gut for you today.

- What? Who punched him?!
- You can ask him yourself.

And he'll probably say it was me,
but just know it's complicated.

(groans)

- How are we feeling?
- Are you allowed to ask me at?

Oh, I am now.
I got my job back.

Oh, good, 'cause I'm gonna need
a bunch of house calls.

- I feel like I got run over by a truck.
- Please don't tell Wade that.

- It'll just go to his head.
- Oh, you heard.

Did you really take
a punch for me?

Not just a punch. I had, like,

a gallon of blood drawn,
a CT scan, endoscopy.

Brick was ready to stick a tube in me
to drain an abscess

before I feigned
complete recovery.

I don't think I've ever felt
this way before.

- Uh, everything hurts.
- Why would you do that?

Well, I guess
I figured it was the, um...

Southern way.

Or the BlueBell way, or...
something.

Was I close?

Would it hurt
if I kissed you right now?

Undoubtedly, but you should go ahead
and do it... I can take it.

♪

♪ She picked me up

♪ My friend

♪ My friend.