Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 3, Episode 2 - Friends in Low Places - full transcript
Hello, everyone! I'm back!
This is my boyfriend Joel.
Welcome to
our little town, Joel.
I came all this way to
tell you that I love you.
What you said to me before
I left, it meant something.
But then it's like
real life took over.
Zoe Hart does not get to
have a real boyfriend.
She does not get to
break your heart
and then waltz off
into the sunset.
I sublet the carriage house
to my cousin Lynly.
That's Little Lynly?
Little Lynly is nursing
a broken heart.
Now, if you so much
as flirt with her,
I will remove your arms.
Are you planning on leaving
any time soon?
You're just like my parents.
What is wrong with me?
Why does everyone hate me?
You win the break-up contest.
I told Zoe Hart that
you have an amazing
new girlfriend: me.
Looks like we'll be living
happily ever after.
Good morning?
There was a moment there
when I had the fans oscillating
in the perfect
contrapuntal motion,
and there was just
the inkling of a breeze
coming through
the mosquito screens,
when I didn't feel like
I was gonna
spontaneously combust.
Are you sure
you're gonna be okay here?
Of course.
Really?
Because that's the smile you use
around my mother.
Okay.
Zoe, I love you.
I want to be with you.
And last night, the idea of
moving here seemed so romantic.
But now, in the...
not-at-all-cold
light of day,
it feels, um...
Like you're sweating lava?
Yes, it's an adjustment.
Look, it all is, you know?
I mean, it's like,
I've lived on the same block
for the last ten years.
You know, I had...
I had my coffee place,
I had my sushi place.
The guy at the newsstand
would talk to me
every morning about the Knicks,
as if I knew about sports;
it was awesome.
Now I have a book due.
I don't even know
if I can write here.
I get it.
You're totally at sea.
I wish.
It'd be cooler at sea.
Joel, I felt the exact same way
when I moved here.
But you have something
that I didn't: me!
I will show you
the ins, the outs,
the food, the drink,
the places where alligators
might possibly eat
your computer.
I promise, you're gonna
fall in love with BlueBell.
I am irresistible.
No, you are disgusting.
Well, you don't think
I'm disgusting
when I'm doing that thing
you like.
You know,
the one with the...
Stop! Go! Get out!
See you here at noon?
No!
Okay. 11:30.
Hey...
person...
who I'm horrified to say
I don't know the name of.
Just call me
Chick from Last Night.
Okay.
Well, uh, Chick, um, thank you
for, you know.
Uh, it was great.
It was... it was
really, really great.
But you've got places to go.
And so do I.
Been through
the morning-after drill before.
Okay. Uh, well,
then feel free to shower.
And...
I made you some eggs.
No one's ever made me eggs.
It's not that hard;
you just crack 'em,
and you mix 'em up, and then...
Well, you have a great day.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Good-bye.
Well, Blawkers,
it's official, Lemon-ade lives!
So tell me,
when did you two first feel
that first spark?
Well, who could forget?
, it happened this past...
Saturday.
...Summer.
Summer.
Summer. She's always right.
Oh.
Well, Wade, did you ever
imagine that you'd settle down
with someone
like Lemon Breeland here?
Never!
It's just, I-I never thought
she'd be interested
in someone like me.
Oh.
Oh.
And, Lemon,
what is it, pray tell,
about Wade Kinsella
that you're attracted to?
Well...
It must be
my willingness to go along
with all her crazy ideas.
Oh.
It means
you're supposed to kiss.
At weddings, not at
our place of business.
This is not a bordello.
Come on!
It's an added attraction.
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Come on, kiss.
This is a disaster.
I only lied because
I thought that Zoe was leaving.
You are the one who outed us
to the whole town.
I didn't plan on anyone thinking
that I would actually date you.
I have a reputation to protect.
Oh, says the girl
who's screwing Meatball.
That is my own private shame.
I can't have a public one, too.
You know how hard
I've been working
to find the right sort of man.
Let's just end this now.
We cannot end this now!
Everybody would be onto us.
We have to be covert
and deliberate.
Well, let me just
grab this pencil,
and I will take notes
on how you dissolve
a fake relationship.
Well, fine.
Step one: we announce
that we're having problems.
Step two:
we stage a fight, and we end it.
And step three:
we all just move on
with our lives,
and we hope everybody here
has amnesia.
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Step four:
you get some mouthwash.
And they kissed.
Once Lemon became a
roadhouse proprietress,
it was only a matter of time
until she started
dating the help.
What's that supposed to mean?
Who's Lemon dating?
Wade Kinsella.
Also, please don't ever
address us ever again.
Wade Kinsella?
She would never
date Wade Kinsella.
Oh, they outed themselves
to the whole town last night.
Lemon's no spring chicken,
but I didn't expect her
to just give up.
The Butter Stick
is where you get
your basic pastries
and your coffee.
Oh.
How are the bagels?
Here, they call them
English muffins.
Tom, hey! This is my boyfriend.
Joel Stephens.
The Cicada's Lament
is my favorite book ever!
I bought it online because I
thought it was about bugs.
And then I was reading it,
and I was like,
"This isn't about bugs."
And then I was like,
"This is about everything."
I have no less than
45 questions
that I have been dying to
ask you, Mr. Stephens.
Oh, yeah, well, sure.
And I'm Joel.
Ah!
I'll get us some coffee.
Ooh!
Big Z!
I'm happy to be
running into you again.
What's up?
Oh, just trying to get Joel
to fall in love with BlueBell.
That, my friend, is ironic.
Like me, he's a New Yorker.
He needs to connect
with the people.
You know, the really cool,
awesome people,
like, my very, very,
very best friend.
Say no more.
Dinner at the mayor's
plantation tonight.
AB and I will roll out
the red carpet.
You're the best.
Oh, but you may want
to take him
to the Rammer Jammer
for breakfast.
Tom's got that look
he gets when he's taught
his hamster a new trick.
No, I'm not taking him
to the Rammer Jammer.
Not because of Wade.
Not because of Wade.
Because of Wade and Lemon.
Totally different,
totally disturbing,
and possibly against nature.
Yeah, I admit,
it's freaking my goose.
No one likes to see their ex
with someone else.
But are you sure
that's all it is?
Yes, that's all.
Okay.
Get over it.
Otherwise, you're gonna
run out of places
to eat real quick.
Thank you.
Hey, hon, c-can you
get me a croissant?
Oh, here, they call them
English muffins.
Come on. I'm gonna take you
somewhere else.
Oh. Should I come?
No, Tom.
Oh, okay.
So, the whole time
we were getting down...
Shh!
...you and Wade?
Listen, it's-it's
complicated.
Wade is my best friend!
You turned me into a guy
that sleeps with
his best friend's girl!
Okay, listen,
I-I will make it up
to you later, all right?
Now just go.
No!
Until you and Wade are through,
this Meatball is closed
for business.
You're not serious.
Oh, I am very serious.
Anyway, I thought
that's what you wanted.
You know what?
You're absolutely right.
You're still here.
Sorry if it's weird,
but I didn't know
how to contact you,
and I wanted to offer
to make you dinner later.
You know, to repay you
for the eggs.
You know what?
That's-that's not necessary.
Huge relief,
'cause I don't cook.
We could go out.
Uh... you know, listen, um,
I hope I haven't given you
the wrong idea here,
but since we didn't even
exchange names,
I thought that this was
kind of a one-time...
Oh, yeah, totally!
I've got to go.
And I'll see you around.
Yeah.
The name
Rammer Jammer comes from
the University of Alabama's
fight song,
not something vaguely sexual,
which is what I thought
for the first year.
Thanks.
Doc, Mr. Doc.
What can I, uh, get for y'all?
Pancakes for two.
Actually, uh, when in Alabama.
I will have the grits.
Grits. Sure?
It's kind of an acquired taste.
Grits don't scare me.
As long as they're
not prepared with
or near peanuts,
peanut oil, mushrooms or cumin.
I've got allergies.
Mm. Hold the cumin.
Gotcha.
I can't believe there are
actually guys like that.
Did you see his guns?
I bet he got them
doing something rugged
like chopping down trees
or something...
Does he chop down trees?
Funny thing:
Wade and I sort of dated.
No.
Yeah, just for
a few months though
before I left.
But we broke up, and...
him and Lemon dating now,
so I hope
that you're okay with that.
Yeah, you know,
I'm sure that all big-city
doctors that go down South,
uh, go through their
bad-boy-bartender phase.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Good.
Ew! Why?
I thought we were supposed
to be having problems.
Well, it turns out,
me being with you
is the best Meatball
deterrent there is.
I thought sleeping
with Meatball
is the best Meatball
deterrent there is.
You'd think, but there's
this thing that he does...
Ew, gross, stop!
Bleh!
Listen, I...
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Listen, I think if I can
just detox from Meatball
for a few days,
then I can quell my addiction.
Please?
We are definitely
not breaking up.
Hello!
You okay?
Yeah, I just...
I want to get you some coffee.
The service here leaves
something to be desired.
You know, I just heard
the darnedest thing.
I was out buying
my morning paper,
'cause it's just not a paper
if you read it on a screen.
Right?
And I ran into Sal.
And you know what
Sal had to say?
He was telling me all about
how you and my daughter
were seeing each other!
Now, when did that happen?!
Uh, summer.
Oh, summer.
Oh, summer, you say.
So-so I've been coming in
here every day, for months,
and you've poured my coffee,
you, uh, chatted me up
about sports and about cars,
and it never occurred
to you to tell me
that you are dating
my daughter?
I see now that that
m-might bother you.
Oh... I don't expect you
to ask my permission.
But at least I deserve
better than hearing about it
from the fishmonger!
Uh, ah!
Ah!
I got my eye on you.
Man.
I just don't understand.
AnnaBeth and I spent
all summer making
this list of Alabama's
most eligible bachelors for you.
Good-bye, Horace Vanderlinden.
Good-bye,
Charles Ludlow-Strauss.
Good-bye, Carter Covington.
I think I'll miss you
most of all.
Okay, okay, you know,
you can just stop
with the martyr routine,
because we all know
that you copied that list
from Southern Living.
You know who's not on the list?
Wade Kinsella.
Right. Well, Wade and I
are dating each other
for very complicated
reasons, so...
Abs.
But who knows if Wade
and I will work out?
So I will just take this list.
Insurance.
I mean, after all, you did go
to all that trouble
of copying it.
Oh, I was thinking steak.
Unless Joel is one
of those New Yorkers
who doesn't eat meat,
and then that would be...
Oh... what is it?
I called, uh, I texted.
Haven't heard
from Lynly all morning.
Yeah, uh, I have
to tell you, um,
yesterday, I asked Lynly
when she was planning to leave,
and she maybe thought it was
because I want her to leave.
And-and-and why would
she think that?
Because I do want her to leave.
I'm sorry, Lavon.
I know she's your cousin,
I know you love her,
but she's driving me nuts!
Well, I-I realize that
Lynly may be emotional
and a-a tad high-maintenance
right now, but...
But I remind you that she's
going through a heartbreak.
I know.
Look, I remind you
that her daddy
taught me how to
throw a football.
I know.
I remind you that Uncle Shel
and Aunt Beatrice
looked out for me.
And I promised
them that I would
look out for Lynly.
That-that we
would look out for Lynly.
She is a grown woman.
I'm sure she's fine.
Oh, absolutely fine.
Don't mind me.
I'm just gonna go kill myself.
What's wrong, Lynly?
I met a guy.
Oh, no, no!
No, a nice guy--
he made me eggs.
Eggs?
Scrambled.
It's like he knew
they were my favorite.
But he said he doesn't want
to see me again.
Who is he?
Just tell me the jerk's name.
I don't know it.
But I wouldn't tell you anyway
because you'll kill him.
If I'm feeling generous.
Excuse me.
Well, I still don't
understand why we had
to leave the Rammer Jammer.
It was too loud.
You wouldn't get
writing done there.
Why write inside when
you can write in nature?
Here.
Great.
The only thing is
we don't have a plug-in.
Oh, actually, I left my plug
somewhere this morning,
so I'm gonna have
to buy a new one.
No, this is BlueBell.
If it's not right
where you left it,
it's because someone found it
and wants to hand-deliver it.
Probably with a
basket of muffins.
I can get used to that.
See?
Get Joel acclimated to
BlueBell-- going perfectly.
Hey, uh, I'm not getting
a Wi-Fi signal,
and my manuscript
is stored on the Cloud.
Okay.
No worries, man.
Because there's definitely
Wi-Fi in BlueBell.
Just got to move a little.
Okay.
Pardon me. My GPS isn't working.
I'm trying to find
my way back to Mobile.
Mobile's a dump.
Perhaps.
But I'd still like some
directions if you don't mind.
All right.
Let's see.
Here, let me help you.
Oh, why, thank you.
Absolutely.
Are you planning
to spill a lot?
Oh...
No, no, those aren't for me.
They're for a, um,
fine-dining establishment
of which I am the co-owner.
My mother was a businesswoman.
No one I respect more.
Well, there's no one I
respect more than a man
who respects his mother.
Oh, uh, where are my manners?
I haven't even
introduced myself.
I'm-I'm Lemon Breeland.
The legendary Lemon Breeland.
Your legacy precedes you.
I'm Carter Covington.
And your name precedes you.
Anything now?
Not a single bar.
You know, why don't we just go
try over by the Hem 'n Haw.
That-that's a real place?
Wow, South,
you do not disappoint.
Huh.
Well, Miss Breeland,
I'm gonna be in Mobile
for the next few days.
If I spill something,
can I give you a call?
The pleasure would be
all mine, Mr. Covington.
Oh, my God! Ow!
Joel?
Ow, ow, something is biting me!
I'm coming!
Oh, God, I was just...
I was sitting there and... ow!
No, no, no!
No one sits on this rock!
Everyone knows
that's Fire Ant Rock.
Not everyone!
We got to get you
to Dr. Breeland.
Oh!
Ooh!
Son of a bitch!
Oh!
Okay.
Remember how I said earlier
that we couldn't break up?
Well, I retract.
What? No, I was kind of enjoying
our fake relationship, huh?
Well, too bad.
A fake relationship
with you may help me
with my Meatball addiction,
but do you know what's sure to?
A real relationship
with an authentic gentleman
not named after
spaghetti's sidekick.
So, in one hour,
I will be leaking to AnnaBeth
that we are having problems.
Deal.
Fine.
I just hope my next fake
girlfriend isn't so bossy.
Have
I said that I was sorry?
'Cause I am really sorry.
Oh, it's no big deal.
Oh, really?
No, actually, no,
it's a huge deal.
My ass is on fire,
and a man I hardly know
is giving me
an intimate massage.
Well, I apologize, but I am
the only doctor in town.
I thought I banned you.
I'm here as girlfriend,
not doctor.
Well, some girlfriend.
You-you let him sit
on Fire Ant Rock.
All right,
the swelling should subside
in a couple hours,
so you just need
to-to monitor these blisters.
If they start leaking pus,
it means you're infected.
You, in the corner,
hands at your side,
mouth closed.
To keep your body
absolutely still
during the putting stroke,
imagine you're trying not
to be noticed
by a pride of lions.
And pray God
they haven't smelled your urine.
This is like
a life-or-death game of golf.
This is...
Hey! I...
I was... I...
George Tucker.
You are Lavon Hayes's lawyer,
and as such,
I need you to make sure
I don't do anything illegal.
Happy to help.
Now, you may not now this,
but my little cousin
Lynly's in town.
Some punk hurt her.
Now, I'd assume it was Wade,
but he's with Lemon, so...
Wait, I'm sorry.
Wait, back that up.
Did you say Wade
was with Lemon?
As in Lemon and Wade
are... they're together?
Is that...?
Yeah.
So, guys,
what can I get for you?
No, we're plotting, not eating.
You're dating my ex-fiancée
and didn't think
that information might be
relevant for me to know?
Oh, right, I-I see how
that might bother you, yeah.
You know, 'cause when I dated
your ex-wife,
I asked you first.
Uh, if it helps,
Lemon and I are
apparently having problems.
So, there's that. Yeah.
Geez, Louise, some people
in this town have no respect
for the sanctimony
of fr... well...
you know, don't even
get me started on you.
Oh, come on, man,
we-we moved past that.
Now, I got pressing business.
How do I find this guy,
threaten him,
but not end up in prison?
Ah, what did he do?
He messed with Little Lynly!
Anybody can look
in her eyes and see
that she is fragile.
And she's suffering again.
You do not make a-a girl eggs
and then walk out on her.
Eggs.
Mmm.
So, I take it
that Little Lynly,
she's not 14 anymore?
She's 25.
Well, you know,
consenting adults.
Maybe there were some
mitigating factors.
Yeah.
I'll let the dude explain them
right before I put
his nose through his eyes.
Come on.
We've got a future eunuch
to find.
Yeah, yeah, um, we might
just want to just
leave that there.
AnnaBeth, I was just
at the Butter Stick,
and I heard
the most interesting thing.
That you ordered
a cheesecake for tonight.
Now, I know that you
only order cheesecake
when you're having
a dinner party.
Lemon, I'm sorry.
But the only reason
I didn't invite you is
because it's for Zoe Hart
and her boyfriend.
Oh, bup, bup, bup, no,
no need to apologize.
I just need an invitation.
You did hear the
part where I said
it's for Zoe and Joel, right?
Uh-huh, so you'll
definitely need
to invite some people
that I can talk to.
Maybe, uh, Stanley
and Crickett.
Oh, and funny thing,
I ran into Carter Covington,
who's staying in Mobile
for a few days.
Carter Covington?
Mm-hmm.
Bachelor number nine on your list?
Mm-hmm.
Wait, what about Wade?
Oh, yes, well...
between you and I,
we've been having some problems.
But, I mean, who couldn't
see that coming, right?
I am so confused.
First, you tell me that you're
sleeping with someone
too shameful to ever admit,
then you told the whole town
you're dating Wade.
Oh, is Wade the secret guy?
Or is the secret guy
the reason you're having
problems with Wade?
Okay, AnnaBeth, my life is
rapidly going down the commode.
So I need you, my best friend,
my only friend, to invite me
and Carter Covington
to this dinner party tonight
and trust that one day
it will all make sense!
Of course.
Great!
Well, I'll go home
and steam my party dress.
See you tonight!
What-what did she mean,
"See you tonight"?
Well... there are a few
additions to the guest list.
Like Lemon?
You invited my sworn enemy
to my boyfriend's party?
I'm so, so sorry,
but she needs this.
She and Wade
are having problems.
Problems?
Mmm.
Since when?
I'm not sure exactly.
I only found out
they were dating yesterday.
Yesterday?
Interesting.
So where now?
Uh... well,
we've been all over BlueBell,
and no one saw her
with anyone last night,
so I guess we just trust
that the guy really regrets
what he did,
and we just call it a day.
We haven't been to Torchy's.
Yeah, people always
go to Torchy's
to do things they don't want
anybody to know about!
Oh, no, no, listen, listen,
Lavon, Lavon, hey, hey, hey.
Stop, stop, stop.
Listen.
I know that you are worried,
but I really do think
the healthiest thing
for both of you right now
would just be to... to go home.
You're right.
I can get the truth
out of Lynly
at the dinner party tonight.
Dinner party? I'm sorry, what?
Yeah, for Zoe's new boyfriend.
Joel! Yeah, he seems so great.
Um, look, uh,
would-would it be okay
if I came
to the dinner party tonight?
I mean, I probably should.
You know, just in case you get
tempted to do something stupid.
Oh! You are a great
friend, George Tucker.
Yeah. See you tonight.
Oh, my God.
Wanda, have you seen
Joel's power cord?
We think that he left it here
this morning.
Oh, shoot. I was gonna bake some
muffins and take it to you.
Come on.
Doc...
how's your new boyfriend's
first day in BlueBell going?
So you heard
about the fire ants.
Yeah, Dash posted
some great pics.
It's a setback.
But we are going
to a dinner party at Lavon's,
and it's going to be lovely.
Oh, that sounds wonderful.
Can he sit?
Okay, maybe I dropped the ball
a little bit.
I was distracted.
But you know
whose fault that is?
Yes, technically, mine.
But I was busy
watching
your fake girlfriend flirt
with another very handsome man.
What?
Mm-hmm.
At least my boyfriend's real.
You're just faking
this whole thing with Lemon
just to get to me.
First of all,
very mature;
second of all,
it's not working.
You may as well
just cut the charade.
You are just so wrong.
Oh, am I?
Top ten wrongest...
Hey! Hi. I got it.
Everything okay?
Yeah, everything's great.
Let's go.
All right.
Y'all have a good night.
Hey, Wanda,
I'm gonna need you to get a tie
out of the lost and found.
I'm meeting my girlfriend Lemon
at a dinner party tonight.
I don't mean to be one of those
harpy women we hate,
but you were supposed to be here
to help me set up.
And now party guests
are arriving
before the party lighting
is ready.
We were trying to track down
the guy that upset Lynly.
Oh! Lynly?
What a surprise!
Hi!
Oh, good to see you!
Thank you for coming!
You two are fighting,
aren't you?
I guess that explains
the party lighting.
Voilà!
Ooh.
Oh, Mr. Covington,
so nice to see you.
I can't think
of a better way
to spend an evening...
or more delightful company.
I am Dr. Brick Breeland,
Lemon's father.
Pleased to meet you, sir.
Carter Covington.
Carter.
Well, Daddy,
don't let us keep you.
Oh, nonsense, sweetheart.
Carter, let me tell
you a little story
about a friend of mine
who got so busy at work,
he took his eye off
his lovely daughter.
And she ended up
dating a bartender!
I bet he never let
that happen again.
No, he won't.
So, uh, Zoe tells me
that you're quite
the football athlete.
Oh, well, uh,
back in the day anyway.
I mean, now I just limit myself
to video games.
Sometimes I get injured
playing those, you know?
Shall we?
Lavon used to play for the NFL,
but around here
he is remembered
as being the star
of the Crimson Tide.
Number 47 was retired
about a second after
he stopped playing.
That's so weird.
There's a guy on Amazon
with the user name RollTide47.
He must be a big fan.
RollTide47, that's me.
What?!
I can't believe
you remember that.
Yeah, I have this problem;
um, try as I might,
I remember every bad review
and everyone who wrote them.
You hated The Cicada's Lament.
No, no, no.
You're that Joel Stephens?
Oh, surely,
you didn't hate the book.
He gave it one star.
The majority of the review
is about his outrage
that Amazon doesn't let you give
zero stars.
Yeah, it wasn't my favorite.
You know what might help us?
Three drinks.
And one for each of you.
Lynly, I'm so glad you came!
In my dress?
You were so nice
to invite me that I wanted
to do something nice
for you, too.
This is really meant
for someone younger.
George!
Um, George, have you,
um... have you met
Lavon's cousin, Lynly?
Nope, never.
Oh, well,
then you two will have so much
to talk about.
Oh, welcome to the party!
Could I talk to you?
I promise these aren't
all for me.
Wade?!
Hey, Doc, good news.
Me and Lemon patched things up.
I know you're worried.
This party is for Joel.
Oh, good thinking--
after the day he's had,
boy could use a party, right?
Huh?
Hey, grab me a beer, pal.
Thank you.
It's totally fine that
you didn't like my book.
I'm just curious what
exactly you didn't like.
I don't know,
it just wasn't for me.
I get it, I get it.
Hey, I probably wouldn't
have liked it myself
if I hadn't have written it.
Right.
But what, specifically,
wasn't for you?
I don't remember details.
Actually, if you don't remember
the details,
then maybe you wouldn't
mind deleting the review.
Uh... no.
See, I wouldn't have been
that harsh
if I didn't really hate it.
Hmm.
I figured I could blow my trust
on an amazing year in Europe,
or I could buy my own company.
Now I have 15
offices in Europe,
and I can go any time I want.
Well, you are such a...
an upright young man,
I think I'll just
get out of your hair.
Uh, no!
Um, aren't you concerned
about where in Europe, Daddy?
Oh, uh, yeah.
Uh, Carter, let me...
let me ask you a question.
Uh, you spend much
time in France?
Because I'm a little concerned
about the loose moral
structure of that country.
You, now, come.
Look, last night,
I obviously did not know
that you were Lavon's cousin.
And I also somehow
missed the fact
that you are in a very
vulnerable state.
And I'm very sorry.
I feel like a chump.
No, I'm sorry.
It was a one-night thing.
We both knew.
I shouldn't have pushed.
Great, great!
Now, if you could somehow
not tell Lavon that it was me,
that would be swell
because he is a friend.
But a friend is not
going to be so forgiving
of another friend taking
advantage of his very young,
vulnerable cousin.
Also, I like my legs.
Okay, I won't tell him...
if you answer this question.
You're great, I'm great,
so why does it have to be
a one-time thing?
All right, listen, Lynly.
I cannot even
conceive of starting
a new relationship right now.
And that is not gonna change.
Well, I guess there's nothing
much else to say, is there?
Just that I really do
like my legs.
You know, walking,
biking, wearing pants.
Hey, George, uh,
could you give us a sec?
I need to talk to Lynly.
Funny,
I have to talk to you, too.
So, no one knew until yesterday
that Lemon and Wade
were dating?
No. All we knew
was she'd been
secretly sleeping with someone.
And you didn't know
who that someone was?
Well, I thought it was
that well-toned banker from Mobile.
Robert?
No, Robert's the one with
the perfectly tailored suits.
I was talking about Adam,
with the really good hair.
Oh.
Yeah.
Anyway, now we know why
Lemon kept it a secret.
I mean, who would ever admit
they were with Wade?
Sorry.
Mmm.
Oh.
Okay, look, I understand
you want to protect this guy.
Just tell me his name.
I can't-- not just to protect
him, but to protect you.
Whoa, whoa, now, Lavon Hayes
does not need protecting.
I know how much you love me.
There is no reason for
you to be here, okay?
You hate dinner parties.
And this is not even your tie!
Zoe thinks we're faking
the relationship.
We are faking the relationship!
Well, I don't want her
to know that.
Wade, Carter Covington is the
first truly eligible bachelor
I have met in a
really long time.
Do you know what you're
asking me to give up?
Yeah, I do.
Hey, have you seen Lavon?
I'm thinking he didn't realize
that chapter seven is
an alternate reality.
Try over by the crawfish table.
But don't eat the crab cakes.
They're fried in peanut oil.
I always like to meet any
woman's family I plan to date
just to make sure
they approve of me.
Oh, we do.
Carter, I would
like to introduce you
to someone.
Um, this is my boyfriend Wade.
Oh, no.
We, uh... we run the
Rammer Jammer together.
Yes, no one would ever predict
that we would fall in love,
but you stare at someone
for 14 hours a day, and...
Especially someone as tasty
as this little nugget.
Come on.
Crazy things happen.
Catfish cake?
So, how did you two
finally get together?
Well...
Well...
...I was waiting
on table six.
And we still argue whether
it was buffalo wings
or jalapeño poppers.
Jalapeño poppers.
Catfish cake!
No, it was definitely
not catfish cakes.
You okay?
The catfish cakes
are fried in peanut oil!
Hey!
It's fried in peanut oil!
He's allergic!
Get his EpiPen out of my purse!
Okay.
Your heart's stopped racing.
How are you feeling?
Well, the good news is
I don't feel
the fire ant bites anymore.
Joel, I am so sorry.
I'm the worst girlfriend
in the world.
I tried to warn you
about the catfish cakes,
and then you weren't there,
and...
I got distracted...
You remember
that guy Wade, right?
Paul Bunyan?
Yeah, he's hard to forget.
Well, I think he's faking
his relationship with Lemon.
And it's driving me crazy
that I can't prove it.
So, why would Wade
be faking a relationship?
Maybe he freaked out
because I reappeared,
awesome boyfriend in tow.
Or-or maybe he's
just messing
with my head.
Regardless,
I fell into his trap,
and I am so, so sorry.
Well...
you're not the one
faking a relationship.
That's true.
You behaved like anyone
who found their ex-boyfriend
dating their archenemy.
Also true.
I'm a much better girlfriend
than I thought.
Now, now, now...
let's not get ahead
of ourselves here.
But the writer in me
needs to know
if they really are faking.
So...
give me the details,
let's figure this out.
Um...
when did you first hear
they were dating?
It's just such a shame
you turned up
right after Lemon
got together with Wade.
I mean, timing, huh?
Crickett!
Excuse me.
Carter... listen.
Your opinion of me matters, so
I have a confession to make.
In confidence.
Wade and I are faking
our relationship.
What?
Why?
See, he needs to
triumph over Zoe Hart,
and if you knew Zoe Hart,
you would understand.
Now, I don't normally
participate in such antics,
but Wade is a friend.
And he's sick.
It's terminal.
That's tragic.
It is.
You should know
that my family's
had its share of scandal.
We can't withstand any more.
So I have to be sure
that any woman I date
has an unblemished record.
Any woman you date?
Well...
I assure you, Mr. Covington,
there are no more
skeletons in my closet.
And no one knew
about the relationship
until you came to town?
No. Her best friend didn't
even know until yesterday.
All right.
They're totally faking it.
Right?
You should write
detective novels.
Wade's motive is clear.
But Lemon's,
we're not gonna know hers
until we unmask
her secret lover.
Will it hold?
I need, like, ten minutes.
Oh, thank goodness!
Nothing kills a dinner party
like the guest of honor,
you know, being killed.
Well, I had excellent
medical attention.
Let's eat!
Yeah!
Come on, there you go!
All right!
There it goes!
Okay!
Hey, hey, hey, wh-what
are you doing here?
Well, I brought you
some apology beers.
But you weren't home,
so I drank 'em
while I was waiting.
N-No need for apology.
And then I looked
over here and saw the lights
and thought maybe
you came to the party.
And I was hungry.
Look, wh-why don't we just
walk you back over to my place?
What do you say?
No!
I have to tell you something.
Lemon is cheating on you.
No. No, I mean...
What a joker, right?
This guy.
Meatball?
Why don't we talk
about this later?
Lemon, who is this?
Who are you?
Oh, well, he is
an upstanding young man
who happens to be here
with my daughter.
Carter Covington, of the
Birmingham Covingtons.
Well, I am Meatball.
No last name required.
Like Cher and Jesus.
And you may want to know
that your date
has been recently intimate
with not only Wade,
but also with a special
certain someone
I like to call myself.
No one ever suspects
the guy named Meatball.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm going to the bar.
If he's Lemon's secret lover,
then who is Wade?
Her beard!
Crawfish, anyone?
I want some.
What's a beard?
You know, you shouldn't
drink alone.
People will judge.
You're a good friend, Lemon.
Your, uh, gentleman
caller take off?
Frankly, I think my father
is taking it worse than I am.
It's Carter's loss.
"Of the Birmingham
Covingtons."
I mean, come on.
George, we need to talk.
Yes, of course we do.
We need a favor.
A favor?
See, I've been forever trying
to convince Lynly
to go to law school.
And I've just realized
it's a great idea.
But I need to study
for my LSATs.
So I was hoping
you would tutor her.
Please?
Uh, yeah. Sure.
Of course, I'd...
I'll see you soon, then.
Can't wait.
She's a terrible student.
You're gonna have your work
cut out for you.
Thanks.
Yeah.
No problem.
Hey.
So, here's the thing.
Seeing you with someone else
kind of freaks me out.
More than I thought it would.
And I'm guessing
that it's not fun for you
to see me with Joel, either.
You're not saying anything?
Okay.
Fine.
But we need to figure out
a way to coexist.
Be okay
with each other moving on.
Because it's
a really small town.
Got a big-ass mosquito
on your neck.
What?
Ow!
Where?
Nah, you...you missed him.
You should probably try again.
Harder.
Where is it?
Did I get it?
Yeah, uh... no.
Where is it?
Actually, now... now it's two.
Oh.
I hate you.
Three questions: One, Meatball?
Two, seriously?
And three, is Crickett's husband
gay or just Southern?
And you've just played
BlueBell's favorite game.
I love how great you're
being about everything.
I mean, after a day
of fire ants,
anaphylactic shock
and Tom Long,
I was sure you were gonna be on
the first flight
back to New York.
Well, to be honest with you,
that's all I could think
about this morning.
I just...
I get so much
creative energy from
the city, you know?
There's so much life there,
and so much drama and craziness,
and I was afraid I was
throwing all that away.
But BlueBell...
I mean...
two people named after foods
were secretly doing it.
Technically, Lemon
is named after a flower.
Wow, also fascinating.
So...
any other exes you
want to tell me about?
Why did that George Tucker guy
refuse to shake my hand?
There's some stuff
that we should just save for later.
This is my boyfriend Joel.
Welcome to
our little town, Joel.
I came all this way to
tell you that I love you.
What you said to me before
I left, it meant something.
But then it's like
real life took over.
Zoe Hart does not get to
have a real boyfriend.
She does not get to
break your heart
and then waltz off
into the sunset.
I sublet the carriage house
to my cousin Lynly.
That's Little Lynly?
Little Lynly is nursing
a broken heart.
Now, if you so much
as flirt with her,
I will remove your arms.
Are you planning on leaving
any time soon?
You're just like my parents.
What is wrong with me?
Why does everyone hate me?
You win the break-up contest.
I told Zoe Hart that
you have an amazing
new girlfriend: me.
Looks like we'll be living
happily ever after.
Good morning?
There was a moment there
when I had the fans oscillating
in the perfect
contrapuntal motion,
and there was just
the inkling of a breeze
coming through
the mosquito screens,
when I didn't feel like
I was gonna
spontaneously combust.
Are you sure
you're gonna be okay here?
Of course.
Really?
Because that's the smile you use
around my mother.
Okay.
Zoe, I love you.
I want to be with you.
And last night, the idea of
moving here seemed so romantic.
But now, in the...
not-at-all-cold
light of day,
it feels, um...
Like you're sweating lava?
Yes, it's an adjustment.
Look, it all is, you know?
I mean, it's like,
I've lived on the same block
for the last ten years.
You know, I had...
I had my coffee place,
I had my sushi place.
The guy at the newsstand
would talk to me
every morning about the Knicks,
as if I knew about sports;
it was awesome.
Now I have a book due.
I don't even know
if I can write here.
I get it.
You're totally at sea.
I wish.
It'd be cooler at sea.
Joel, I felt the exact same way
when I moved here.
But you have something
that I didn't: me!
I will show you
the ins, the outs,
the food, the drink,
the places where alligators
might possibly eat
your computer.
I promise, you're gonna
fall in love with BlueBell.
I am irresistible.
No, you are disgusting.
Well, you don't think
I'm disgusting
when I'm doing that thing
you like.
You know,
the one with the...
Stop! Go! Get out!
See you here at noon?
No!
Okay. 11:30.
Hey...
person...
who I'm horrified to say
I don't know the name of.
Just call me
Chick from Last Night.
Okay.
Well, uh, Chick, um, thank you
for, you know.
Uh, it was great.
It was... it was
really, really great.
But you've got places to go.
And so do I.
Been through
the morning-after drill before.
Okay. Uh, well,
then feel free to shower.
And...
I made you some eggs.
No one's ever made me eggs.
It's not that hard;
you just crack 'em,
and you mix 'em up, and then...
Well, you have a great day.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Good-bye.
Well, Blawkers,
it's official, Lemon-ade lives!
So tell me,
when did you two first feel
that first spark?
Well, who could forget?
, it happened this past...
Saturday.
...Summer.
Summer.
Summer. She's always right.
Oh.
Well, Wade, did you ever
imagine that you'd settle down
with someone
like Lemon Breeland here?
Never!
It's just, I-I never thought
she'd be interested
in someone like me.
Oh.
Oh.
And, Lemon,
what is it, pray tell,
about Wade Kinsella
that you're attracted to?
Well...
It must be
my willingness to go along
with all her crazy ideas.
Oh.
It means
you're supposed to kiss.
At weddings, not at
our place of business.
This is not a bordello.
Come on!
It's an added attraction.
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Come on, kiss.
This is a disaster.
I only lied because
I thought that Zoe was leaving.
You are the one who outed us
to the whole town.
I didn't plan on anyone thinking
that I would actually date you.
I have a reputation to protect.
Oh, says the girl
who's screwing Meatball.
That is my own private shame.
I can't have a public one, too.
You know how hard
I've been working
to find the right sort of man.
Let's just end this now.
We cannot end this now!
Everybody would be onto us.
We have to be covert
and deliberate.
Well, let me just
grab this pencil,
and I will take notes
on how you dissolve
a fake relationship.
Well, fine.
Step one: we announce
that we're having problems.
Step two:
we stage a fight, and we end it.
And step three:
we all just move on
with our lives,
and we hope everybody here
has amnesia.
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Step four:
you get some mouthwash.
And they kissed.
Once Lemon became a
roadhouse proprietress,
it was only a matter of time
until she started
dating the help.
What's that supposed to mean?
Who's Lemon dating?
Wade Kinsella.
Also, please don't ever
address us ever again.
Wade Kinsella?
She would never
date Wade Kinsella.
Oh, they outed themselves
to the whole town last night.
Lemon's no spring chicken,
but I didn't expect her
to just give up.
The Butter Stick
is where you get
your basic pastries
and your coffee.
Oh.
How are the bagels?
Here, they call them
English muffins.
Tom, hey! This is my boyfriend.
Joel Stephens.
The Cicada's Lament
is my favorite book ever!
I bought it online because I
thought it was about bugs.
And then I was reading it,
and I was like,
"This isn't about bugs."
And then I was like,
"This is about everything."
I have no less than
45 questions
that I have been dying to
ask you, Mr. Stephens.
Oh, yeah, well, sure.
And I'm Joel.
Ah!
I'll get us some coffee.
Ooh!
Big Z!
I'm happy to be
running into you again.
What's up?
Oh, just trying to get Joel
to fall in love with BlueBell.
That, my friend, is ironic.
Like me, he's a New Yorker.
He needs to connect
with the people.
You know, the really cool,
awesome people,
like, my very, very,
very best friend.
Say no more.
Dinner at the mayor's
plantation tonight.
AB and I will roll out
the red carpet.
You're the best.
Oh, but you may want
to take him
to the Rammer Jammer
for breakfast.
Tom's got that look
he gets when he's taught
his hamster a new trick.
No, I'm not taking him
to the Rammer Jammer.
Not because of Wade.
Not because of Wade.
Because of Wade and Lemon.
Totally different,
totally disturbing,
and possibly against nature.
Yeah, I admit,
it's freaking my goose.
No one likes to see their ex
with someone else.
But are you sure
that's all it is?
Yes, that's all.
Okay.
Get over it.
Otherwise, you're gonna
run out of places
to eat real quick.
Thank you.
Hey, hon, c-can you
get me a croissant?
Oh, here, they call them
English muffins.
Come on. I'm gonna take you
somewhere else.
Oh. Should I come?
No, Tom.
Oh, okay.
So, the whole time
we were getting down...
Shh!
...you and Wade?
Listen, it's-it's
complicated.
Wade is my best friend!
You turned me into a guy
that sleeps with
his best friend's girl!
Okay, listen,
I-I will make it up
to you later, all right?
Now just go.
No!
Until you and Wade are through,
this Meatball is closed
for business.
You're not serious.
Oh, I am very serious.
Anyway, I thought
that's what you wanted.
You know what?
You're absolutely right.
You're still here.
Sorry if it's weird,
but I didn't know
how to contact you,
and I wanted to offer
to make you dinner later.
You know, to repay you
for the eggs.
You know what?
That's-that's not necessary.
Huge relief,
'cause I don't cook.
We could go out.
Uh... you know, listen, um,
I hope I haven't given you
the wrong idea here,
but since we didn't even
exchange names,
I thought that this was
kind of a one-time...
Oh, yeah, totally!
I've got to go.
And I'll see you around.
Yeah.
The name
Rammer Jammer comes from
the University of Alabama's
fight song,
not something vaguely sexual,
which is what I thought
for the first year.
Thanks.
Doc, Mr. Doc.
What can I, uh, get for y'all?
Pancakes for two.
Actually, uh, when in Alabama.
I will have the grits.
Grits. Sure?
It's kind of an acquired taste.
Grits don't scare me.
As long as they're
not prepared with
or near peanuts,
peanut oil, mushrooms or cumin.
I've got allergies.
Mm. Hold the cumin.
Gotcha.
I can't believe there are
actually guys like that.
Did you see his guns?
I bet he got them
doing something rugged
like chopping down trees
or something...
Does he chop down trees?
Funny thing:
Wade and I sort of dated.
No.
Yeah, just for
a few months though
before I left.
But we broke up, and...
him and Lemon dating now,
so I hope
that you're okay with that.
Yeah, you know,
I'm sure that all big-city
doctors that go down South,
uh, go through their
bad-boy-bartender phase.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Good.
Ew! Why?
I thought we were supposed
to be having problems.
Well, it turns out,
me being with you
is the best Meatball
deterrent there is.
I thought sleeping
with Meatball
is the best Meatball
deterrent there is.
You'd think, but there's
this thing that he does...
Ew, gross, stop!
Bleh!
Listen, I...
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Listen, I think if I can
just detox from Meatball
for a few days,
then I can quell my addiction.
Please?
We are definitely
not breaking up.
Hello!
You okay?
Yeah, I just...
I want to get you some coffee.
The service here leaves
something to be desired.
You know, I just heard
the darnedest thing.
I was out buying
my morning paper,
'cause it's just not a paper
if you read it on a screen.
Right?
And I ran into Sal.
And you know what
Sal had to say?
He was telling me all about
how you and my daughter
were seeing each other!
Now, when did that happen?!
Uh, summer.
Oh, summer.
Oh, summer, you say.
So-so I've been coming in
here every day, for months,
and you've poured my coffee,
you, uh, chatted me up
about sports and about cars,
and it never occurred
to you to tell me
that you are dating
my daughter?
I see now that that
m-might bother you.
Oh... I don't expect you
to ask my permission.
But at least I deserve
better than hearing about it
from the fishmonger!
Uh, ah!
Ah!
I got my eye on you.
Man.
I just don't understand.
AnnaBeth and I spent
all summer making
this list of Alabama's
most eligible bachelors for you.
Good-bye, Horace Vanderlinden.
Good-bye,
Charles Ludlow-Strauss.
Good-bye, Carter Covington.
I think I'll miss you
most of all.
Okay, okay, you know,
you can just stop
with the martyr routine,
because we all know
that you copied that list
from Southern Living.
You know who's not on the list?
Wade Kinsella.
Right. Well, Wade and I
are dating each other
for very complicated
reasons, so...
Abs.
But who knows if Wade
and I will work out?
So I will just take this list.
Insurance.
I mean, after all, you did go
to all that trouble
of copying it.
Oh, I was thinking steak.
Unless Joel is one
of those New Yorkers
who doesn't eat meat,
and then that would be...
Oh... what is it?
I called, uh, I texted.
Haven't heard
from Lynly all morning.
Yeah, uh, I have
to tell you, um,
yesterday, I asked Lynly
when she was planning to leave,
and she maybe thought it was
because I want her to leave.
And-and-and why would
she think that?
Because I do want her to leave.
I'm sorry, Lavon.
I know she's your cousin,
I know you love her,
but she's driving me nuts!
Well, I-I realize that
Lynly may be emotional
and a-a tad high-maintenance
right now, but...
But I remind you that she's
going through a heartbreak.
I know.
Look, I remind you
that her daddy
taught me how to
throw a football.
I know.
I remind you that Uncle Shel
and Aunt Beatrice
looked out for me.
And I promised
them that I would
look out for Lynly.
That-that we
would look out for Lynly.
She is a grown woman.
I'm sure she's fine.
Oh, absolutely fine.
Don't mind me.
I'm just gonna go kill myself.
What's wrong, Lynly?
I met a guy.
Oh, no, no!
No, a nice guy--
he made me eggs.
Eggs?
Scrambled.
It's like he knew
they were my favorite.
But he said he doesn't want
to see me again.
Who is he?
Just tell me the jerk's name.
I don't know it.
But I wouldn't tell you anyway
because you'll kill him.
If I'm feeling generous.
Excuse me.
Well, I still don't
understand why we had
to leave the Rammer Jammer.
It was too loud.
You wouldn't get
writing done there.
Why write inside when
you can write in nature?
Here.
Great.
The only thing is
we don't have a plug-in.
Oh, actually, I left my plug
somewhere this morning,
so I'm gonna have
to buy a new one.
No, this is BlueBell.
If it's not right
where you left it,
it's because someone found it
and wants to hand-deliver it.
Probably with a
basket of muffins.
I can get used to that.
See?
Get Joel acclimated to
BlueBell-- going perfectly.
Hey, uh, I'm not getting
a Wi-Fi signal,
and my manuscript
is stored on the Cloud.
Okay.
No worries, man.
Because there's definitely
Wi-Fi in BlueBell.
Just got to move a little.
Okay.
Pardon me. My GPS isn't working.
I'm trying to find
my way back to Mobile.
Mobile's a dump.
Perhaps.
But I'd still like some
directions if you don't mind.
All right.
Let's see.
Here, let me help you.
Oh, why, thank you.
Absolutely.
Are you planning
to spill a lot?
Oh...
No, no, those aren't for me.
They're for a, um,
fine-dining establishment
of which I am the co-owner.
My mother was a businesswoman.
No one I respect more.
Well, there's no one I
respect more than a man
who respects his mother.
Oh, uh, where are my manners?
I haven't even
introduced myself.
I'm-I'm Lemon Breeland.
The legendary Lemon Breeland.
Your legacy precedes you.
I'm Carter Covington.
And your name precedes you.
Anything now?
Not a single bar.
You know, why don't we just go
try over by the Hem 'n Haw.
That-that's a real place?
Wow, South,
you do not disappoint.
Huh.
Well, Miss Breeland,
I'm gonna be in Mobile
for the next few days.
If I spill something,
can I give you a call?
The pleasure would be
all mine, Mr. Covington.
Oh, my God! Ow!
Joel?
Ow, ow, something is biting me!
I'm coming!
Oh, God, I was just...
I was sitting there and... ow!
No, no, no!
No one sits on this rock!
Everyone knows
that's Fire Ant Rock.
Not everyone!
We got to get you
to Dr. Breeland.
Oh!
Ooh!
Son of a bitch!
Oh!
Okay.
Remember how I said earlier
that we couldn't break up?
Well, I retract.
What? No, I was kind of enjoying
our fake relationship, huh?
Well, too bad.
A fake relationship
with you may help me
with my Meatball addiction,
but do you know what's sure to?
A real relationship
with an authentic gentleman
not named after
spaghetti's sidekick.
So, in one hour,
I will be leaking to AnnaBeth
that we are having problems.
Deal.
Fine.
I just hope my next fake
girlfriend isn't so bossy.
Have
I said that I was sorry?
'Cause I am really sorry.
Oh, it's no big deal.
Oh, really?
No, actually, no,
it's a huge deal.
My ass is on fire,
and a man I hardly know
is giving me
an intimate massage.
Well, I apologize, but I am
the only doctor in town.
I thought I banned you.
I'm here as girlfriend,
not doctor.
Well, some girlfriend.
You-you let him sit
on Fire Ant Rock.
All right,
the swelling should subside
in a couple hours,
so you just need
to-to monitor these blisters.
If they start leaking pus,
it means you're infected.
You, in the corner,
hands at your side,
mouth closed.
To keep your body
absolutely still
during the putting stroke,
imagine you're trying not
to be noticed
by a pride of lions.
And pray God
they haven't smelled your urine.
This is like
a life-or-death game of golf.
This is...
Hey! I...
I was... I...
George Tucker.
You are Lavon Hayes's lawyer,
and as such,
I need you to make sure
I don't do anything illegal.
Happy to help.
Now, you may not now this,
but my little cousin
Lynly's in town.
Some punk hurt her.
Now, I'd assume it was Wade,
but he's with Lemon, so...
Wait, I'm sorry.
Wait, back that up.
Did you say Wade
was with Lemon?
As in Lemon and Wade
are... they're together?
Is that...?
Yeah.
So, guys,
what can I get for you?
No, we're plotting, not eating.
You're dating my ex-fiancée
and didn't think
that information might be
relevant for me to know?
Oh, right, I-I see how
that might bother you, yeah.
You know, 'cause when I dated
your ex-wife,
I asked you first.
Uh, if it helps,
Lemon and I are
apparently having problems.
So, there's that. Yeah.
Geez, Louise, some people
in this town have no respect
for the sanctimony
of fr... well...
you know, don't even
get me started on you.
Oh, come on, man,
we-we moved past that.
Now, I got pressing business.
How do I find this guy,
threaten him,
but not end up in prison?
Ah, what did he do?
He messed with Little Lynly!
Anybody can look
in her eyes and see
that she is fragile.
And she's suffering again.
You do not make a-a girl eggs
and then walk out on her.
Eggs.
Mmm.
So, I take it
that Little Lynly,
she's not 14 anymore?
She's 25.
Well, you know,
consenting adults.
Maybe there were some
mitigating factors.
Yeah.
I'll let the dude explain them
right before I put
his nose through his eyes.
Come on.
We've got a future eunuch
to find.
Yeah, yeah, um, we might
just want to just
leave that there.
AnnaBeth, I was just
at the Butter Stick,
and I heard
the most interesting thing.
That you ordered
a cheesecake for tonight.
Now, I know that you
only order cheesecake
when you're having
a dinner party.
Lemon, I'm sorry.
But the only reason
I didn't invite you is
because it's for Zoe Hart
and her boyfriend.
Oh, bup, bup, bup, no,
no need to apologize.
I just need an invitation.
You did hear the
part where I said
it's for Zoe and Joel, right?
Uh-huh, so you'll
definitely need
to invite some people
that I can talk to.
Maybe, uh, Stanley
and Crickett.
Oh, and funny thing,
I ran into Carter Covington,
who's staying in Mobile
for a few days.
Carter Covington?
Mm-hmm.
Bachelor number nine on your list?
Mm-hmm.
Wait, what about Wade?
Oh, yes, well...
between you and I,
we've been having some problems.
But, I mean, who couldn't
see that coming, right?
I am so confused.
First, you tell me that you're
sleeping with someone
too shameful to ever admit,
then you told the whole town
you're dating Wade.
Oh, is Wade the secret guy?
Or is the secret guy
the reason you're having
problems with Wade?
Okay, AnnaBeth, my life is
rapidly going down the commode.
So I need you, my best friend,
my only friend, to invite me
and Carter Covington
to this dinner party tonight
and trust that one day
it will all make sense!
Of course.
Great!
Well, I'll go home
and steam my party dress.
See you tonight!
What-what did she mean,
"See you tonight"?
Well... there are a few
additions to the guest list.
Like Lemon?
You invited my sworn enemy
to my boyfriend's party?
I'm so, so sorry,
but she needs this.
She and Wade
are having problems.
Problems?
Mmm.
Since when?
I'm not sure exactly.
I only found out
they were dating yesterday.
Yesterday?
Interesting.
So where now?
Uh... well,
we've been all over BlueBell,
and no one saw her
with anyone last night,
so I guess we just trust
that the guy really regrets
what he did,
and we just call it a day.
We haven't been to Torchy's.
Yeah, people always
go to Torchy's
to do things they don't want
anybody to know about!
Oh, no, no, listen, listen,
Lavon, Lavon, hey, hey, hey.
Stop, stop, stop.
Listen.
I know that you are worried,
but I really do think
the healthiest thing
for both of you right now
would just be to... to go home.
You're right.
I can get the truth
out of Lynly
at the dinner party tonight.
Dinner party? I'm sorry, what?
Yeah, for Zoe's new boyfriend.
Joel! Yeah, he seems so great.
Um, look, uh,
would-would it be okay
if I came
to the dinner party tonight?
I mean, I probably should.
You know, just in case you get
tempted to do something stupid.
Oh! You are a great
friend, George Tucker.
Yeah. See you tonight.
Oh, my God.
Wanda, have you seen
Joel's power cord?
We think that he left it here
this morning.
Oh, shoot. I was gonna bake some
muffins and take it to you.
Come on.
Doc...
how's your new boyfriend's
first day in BlueBell going?
So you heard
about the fire ants.
Yeah, Dash posted
some great pics.
It's a setback.
But we are going
to a dinner party at Lavon's,
and it's going to be lovely.
Oh, that sounds wonderful.
Can he sit?
Okay, maybe I dropped the ball
a little bit.
I was distracted.
But you know
whose fault that is?
Yes, technically, mine.
But I was busy
watching
your fake girlfriend flirt
with another very handsome man.
What?
Mm-hmm.
At least my boyfriend's real.
You're just faking
this whole thing with Lemon
just to get to me.
First of all,
very mature;
second of all,
it's not working.
You may as well
just cut the charade.
You are just so wrong.
Oh, am I?
Top ten wrongest...
Hey! Hi. I got it.
Everything okay?
Yeah, everything's great.
Let's go.
All right.
Y'all have a good night.
Hey, Wanda,
I'm gonna need you to get a tie
out of the lost and found.
I'm meeting my girlfriend Lemon
at a dinner party tonight.
I don't mean to be one of those
harpy women we hate,
but you were supposed to be here
to help me set up.
And now party guests
are arriving
before the party lighting
is ready.
We were trying to track down
the guy that upset Lynly.
Oh! Lynly?
What a surprise!
Hi!
Oh, good to see you!
Thank you for coming!
You two are fighting,
aren't you?
I guess that explains
the party lighting.
Voilà!
Ooh.
Oh, Mr. Covington,
so nice to see you.
I can't think
of a better way
to spend an evening...
or more delightful company.
I am Dr. Brick Breeland,
Lemon's father.
Pleased to meet you, sir.
Carter Covington.
Carter.
Well, Daddy,
don't let us keep you.
Oh, nonsense, sweetheart.
Carter, let me tell
you a little story
about a friend of mine
who got so busy at work,
he took his eye off
his lovely daughter.
And she ended up
dating a bartender!
I bet he never let
that happen again.
No, he won't.
So, uh, Zoe tells me
that you're quite
the football athlete.
Oh, well, uh,
back in the day anyway.
I mean, now I just limit myself
to video games.
Sometimes I get injured
playing those, you know?
Shall we?
Lavon used to play for the NFL,
but around here
he is remembered
as being the star
of the Crimson Tide.
Number 47 was retired
about a second after
he stopped playing.
That's so weird.
There's a guy on Amazon
with the user name RollTide47.
He must be a big fan.
RollTide47, that's me.
What?!
I can't believe
you remember that.
Yeah, I have this problem;
um, try as I might,
I remember every bad review
and everyone who wrote them.
You hated The Cicada's Lament.
No, no, no.
You're that Joel Stephens?
Oh, surely,
you didn't hate the book.
He gave it one star.
The majority of the review
is about his outrage
that Amazon doesn't let you give
zero stars.
Yeah, it wasn't my favorite.
You know what might help us?
Three drinks.
And one for each of you.
Lynly, I'm so glad you came!
In my dress?
You were so nice
to invite me that I wanted
to do something nice
for you, too.
This is really meant
for someone younger.
George!
Um, George, have you,
um... have you met
Lavon's cousin, Lynly?
Nope, never.
Oh, well,
then you two will have so much
to talk about.
Oh, welcome to the party!
Could I talk to you?
I promise these aren't
all for me.
Wade?!
Hey, Doc, good news.
Me and Lemon patched things up.
I know you're worried.
This party is for Joel.
Oh, good thinking--
after the day he's had,
boy could use a party, right?
Huh?
Hey, grab me a beer, pal.
Thank you.
It's totally fine that
you didn't like my book.
I'm just curious what
exactly you didn't like.
I don't know,
it just wasn't for me.
I get it, I get it.
Hey, I probably wouldn't
have liked it myself
if I hadn't have written it.
Right.
But what, specifically,
wasn't for you?
I don't remember details.
Actually, if you don't remember
the details,
then maybe you wouldn't
mind deleting the review.
Uh... no.
See, I wouldn't have been
that harsh
if I didn't really hate it.
Hmm.
I figured I could blow my trust
on an amazing year in Europe,
or I could buy my own company.
Now I have 15
offices in Europe,
and I can go any time I want.
Well, you are such a...
an upright young man,
I think I'll just
get out of your hair.
Uh, no!
Um, aren't you concerned
about where in Europe, Daddy?
Oh, uh, yeah.
Uh, Carter, let me...
let me ask you a question.
Uh, you spend much
time in France?
Because I'm a little concerned
about the loose moral
structure of that country.
You, now, come.
Look, last night,
I obviously did not know
that you were Lavon's cousin.
And I also somehow
missed the fact
that you are in a very
vulnerable state.
And I'm very sorry.
I feel like a chump.
No, I'm sorry.
It was a one-night thing.
We both knew.
I shouldn't have pushed.
Great, great!
Now, if you could somehow
not tell Lavon that it was me,
that would be swell
because he is a friend.
But a friend is not
going to be so forgiving
of another friend taking
advantage of his very young,
vulnerable cousin.
Also, I like my legs.
Okay, I won't tell him...
if you answer this question.
You're great, I'm great,
so why does it have to be
a one-time thing?
All right, listen, Lynly.
I cannot even
conceive of starting
a new relationship right now.
And that is not gonna change.
Well, I guess there's nothing
much else to say, is there?
Just that I really do
like my legs.
You know, walking,
biking, wearing pants.
Hey, George, uh,
could you give us a sec?
I need to talk to Lynly.
Funny,
I have to talk to you, too.
So, no one knew until yesterday
that Lemon and Wade
were dating?
No. All we knew
was she'd been
secretly sleeping with someone.
And you didn't know
who that someone was?
Well, I thought it was
that well-toned banker from Mobile.
Robert?
No, Robert's the one with
the perfectly tailored suits.
I was talking about Adam,
with the really good hair.
Oh.
Yeah.
Anyway, now we know why
Lemon kept it a secret.
I mean, who would ever admit
they were with Wade?
Sorry.
Mmm.
Oh.
Okay, look, I understand
you want to protect this guy.
Just tell me his name.
I can't-- not just to protect
him, but to protect you.
Whoa, whoa, now, Lavon Hayes
does not need protecting.
I know how much you love me.
There is no reason for
you to be here, okay?
You hate dinner parties.
And this is not even your tie!
Zoe thinks we're faking
the relationship.
We are faking the relationship!
Well, I don't want her
to know that.
Wade, Carter Covington is the
first truly eligible bachelor
I have met in a
really long time.
Do you know what you're
asking me to give up?
Yeah, I do.
Hey, have you seen Lavon?
I'm thinking he didn't realize
that chapter seven is
an alternate reality.
Try over by the crawfish table.
But don't eat the crab cakes.
They're fried in peanut oil.
I always like to meet any
woman's family I plan to date
just to make sure
they approve of me.
Oh, we do.
Carter, I would
like to introduce you
to someone.
Um, this is my boyfriend Wade.
Oh, no.
We, uh... we run the
Rammer Jammer together.
Yes, no one would ever predict
that we would fall in love,
but you stare at someone
for 14 hours a day, and...
Especially someone as tasty
as this little nugget.
Come on.
Crazy things happen.
Catfish cake?
So, how did you two
finally get together?
Well...
Well...
...I was waiting
on table six.
And we still argue whether
it was buffalo wings
or jalapeño poppers.
Jalapeño poppers.
Catfish cake!
No, it was definitely
not catfish cakes.
You okay?
The catfish cakes
are fried in peanut oil!
Hey!
It's fried in peanut oil!
He's allergic!
Get his EpiPen out of my purse!
Okay.
Your heart's stopped racing.
How are you feeling?
Well, the good news is
I don't feel
the fire ant bites anymore.
Joel, I am so sorry.
I'm the worst girlfriend
in the world.
I tried to warn you
about the catfish cakes,
and then you weren't there,
and...
I got distracted...
You remember
that guy Wade, right?
Paul Bunyan?
Yeah, he's hard to forget.
Well, I think he's faking
his relationship with Lemon.
And it's driving me crazy
that I can't prove it.
So, why would Wade
be faking a relationship?
Maybe he freaked out
because I reappeared,
awesome boyfriend in tow.
Or-or maybe he's
just messing
with my head.
Regardless,
I fell into his trap,
and I am so, so sorry.
Well...
you're not the one
faking a relationship.
That's true.
You behaved like anyone
who found their ex-boyfriend
dating their archenemy.
Also true.
I'm a much better girlfriend
than I thought.
Now, now, now...
let's not get ahead
of ourselves here.
But the writer in me
needs to know
if they really are faking.
So...
give me the details,
let's figure this out.
Um...
when did you first hear
they were dating?
It's just such a shame
you turned up
right after Lemon
got together with Wade.
I mean, timing, huh?
Crickett!
Excuse me.
Carter... listen.
Your opinion of me matters, so
I have a confession to make.
In confidence.
Wade and I are faking
our relationship.
What?
Why?
See, he needs to
triumph over Zoe Hart,
and if you knew Zoe Hart,
you would understand.
Now, I don't normally
participate in such antics,
but Wade is a friend.
And he's sick.
It's terminal.
That's tragic.
It is.
You should know
that my family's
had its share of scandal.
We can't withstand any more.
So I have to be sure
that any woman I date
has an unblemished record.
Any woman you date?
Well...
I assure you, Mr. Covington,
there are no more
skeletons in my closet.
And no one knew
about the relationship
until you came to town?
No. Her best friend didn't
even know until yesterday.
All right.
They're totally faking it.
Right?
You should write
detective novels.
Wade's motive is clear.
But Lemon's,
we're not gonna know hers
until we unmask
her secret lover.
Will it hold?
I need, like, ten minutes.
Oh, thank goodness!
Nothing kills a dinner party
like the guest of honor,
you know, being killed.
Well, I had excellent
medical attention.
Let's eat!
Yeah!
Come on, there you go!
All right!
There it goes!
Okay!
Hey, hey, hey, wh-what
are you doing here?
Well, I brought you
some apology beers.
But you weren't home,
so I drank 'em
while I was waiting.
N-No need for apology.
And then I looked
over here and saw the lights
and thought maybe
you came to the party.
And I was hungry.
Look, wh-why don't we just
walk you back over to my place?
What do you say?
No!
I have to tell you something.
Lemon is cheating on you.
No. No, I mean...
What a joker, right?
This guy.
Meatball?
Why don't we talk
about this later?
Lemon, who is this?
Who are you?
Oh, well, he is
an upstanding young man
who happens to be here
with my daughter.
Carter Covington, of the
Birmingham Covingtons.
Well, I am Meatball.
No last name required.
Like Cher and Jesus.
And you may want to know
that your date
has been recently intimate
with not only Wade,
but also with a special
certain someone
I like to call myself.
No one ever suspects
the guy named Meatball.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm going to the bar.
If he's Lemon's secret lover,
then who is Wade?
Her beard!
Crawfish, anyone?
I want some.
What's a beard?
You know, you shouldn't
drink alone.
People will judge.
You're a good friend, Lemon.
Your, uh, gentleman
caller take off?
Frankly, I think my father
is taking it worse than I am.
It's Carter's loss.
"Of the Birmingham
Covingtons."
I mean, come on.
George, we need to talk.
Yes, of course we do.
We need a favor.
A favor?
See, I've been forever trying
to convince Lynly
to go to law school.
And I've just realized
it's a great idea.
But I need to study
for my LSATs.
So I was hoping
you would tutor her.
Please?
Uh, yeah. Sure.
Of course, I'd...
I'll see you soon, then.
Can't wait.
She's a terrible student.
You're gonna have your work
cut out for you.
Thanks.
Yeah.
No problem.
Hey.
So, here's the thing.
Seeing you with someone else
kind of freaks me out.
More than I thought it would.
And I'm guessing
that it's not fun for you
to see me with Joel, either.
You're not saying anything?
Okay.
Fine.
But we need to figure out
a way to coexist.
Be okay
with each other moving on.
Because it's
a really small town.
Got a big-ass mosquito
on your neck.
What?
Ow!
Where?
Nah, you...you missed him.
You should probably try again.
Harder.
Where is it?
Did I get it?
Yeah, uh... no.
Where is it?
Actually, now... now it's two.
Oh.
I hate you.
Three questions: One, Meatball?
Two, seriously?
And three, is Crickett's husband
gay or just Southern?
And you've just played
BlueBell's favorite game.
I love how great you're
being about everything.
I mean, after a day
of fire ants,
anaphylactic shock
and Tom Long,
I was sure you were gonna be on
the first flight
back to New York.
Well, to be honest with you,
that's all I could think
about this morning.
I just...
I get so much
creative energy from
the city, you know?
There's so much life there,
and so much drama and craziness,
and I was afraid I was
throwing all that away.
But BlueBell...
I mean...
two people named after foods
were secretly doing it.
Technically, Lemon
is named after a flower.
Wow, also fascinating.
So...
any other exes you
want to tell me about?
Why did that George Tucker guy
refuse to shake my hand?
There's some stuff
that we should just save for later.