Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 2, Episode 12 - Islands in the Stream - full transcript
Wade learns from Brick how to indulge steady girls on going out and yet make the best of it for men. When George's parents pay him a surprise visit, father Harold Tucker is willing to accept he's with Tansy now, but mother wants his future restored in the big city, so she tricks him and Zoe, on a double date on his house-boat with Wade, which ends in multiple wreckage. Annabeth is instantly charmed by the British accent of newcomer Oliver Kent, who actually suffers from bizarre 'linguistic' syndrome but soon finds being cured worse sufferance.
I've never had a real
relationship, Wade.
I don't know how to do it.
Me neither.
Sometimes, you just got to wing it.
We're gonna drive
each other crazy sometimes.
But you got to remember,
that's part of what brought us
together in the first place.
Well, hello, Doctor.
BRICK:
Shelby was
a midlife crisis.
But she made me feel more alive
than I've felt in 13 years.
If you want to be with Shelby,
screw it, be with Shelby.
To be honest with you, there is
only one girl that I want
to have a date with.
How's Tansy?
She's-she's good. Uh... we-we are good.
How about you and Wade?
Heard you made that official.
(both laugh)
Life in BlueBell.
(sighs)
Cured sausage.
Okay.
You left a message on my machine.
Said you wanted cured sausage, yeah?
(laughs)
No, I said I wanted to see
that movie, Coeur Sauvage.
It won Best Foreign Film.
With Kristin Scott Thomas and
that guy from The Artist.
They go on their honeymoon
and then they're sent back
accidentally in time
to the Warsaw Ghetto.
It's supposed to be really funny.
Yeah, well...
enjoy that.
No, but I want to go with you.
Why? What did I do to you?
You made me go to that stupid race.
What race?
The one with the really bad drivers?
No, no, that was a demolition derby.
Oh.
Well, the point is
I didn't want to go,
but we're a couple now,
so I went anyways,
'cause that's what couples do.
Things they hate?
All the time!
You know, it-it could
be good for us.
Who knows, you might even find
something that you like in life,
other than cars and beer.
You really think I'm that shallow?
I'm sorry-- and naked women.
Thank you. Come on.
(Zoe laughs)
Speaking of naked women...
Oh...
Yeah...
Now what?
(sighs)
Oh!
Oh! Sorry.
Lemon!
Blame my father.
He stood me up twice in one week.
Well, what if I had been
old Mrs. Hodge that you
barreled into out here?
They'd be finding pieces of her
for weeks!
Oh.
Ooh.
Pardon me.
Go this way...
Hmm.
(laughs)
(sighing):
Yeah...
You know, there are
many wonders in this world,
but its greatest mystery might just be
the, uh, the Butter Stick Bakery's
stunning and impenetrable
Gates of the Two Sirens.
(chuckles)
Impenetrable?
We'll see about that.
AnnaBena!
Hmm?
Where are you going?
Crickett, I have never told you this,
but in my soul, I have always believed
that I would meet
a dashing English gentleman
right out of a Jane Austen novel.
(laughs) In BlueBell?
Mm-hmm.
Good luck with that.
(giggles)
Well, I can't wait to see you tonight.
(chuckles)
I'll wait at Candlewood
Suites out on Royal,
and I'll call your house
at 8:00 sharp and say
that I'm a tourist who had a bad clam,
and I need to see a doctor right away.
Oh, no, no.
We already used that one.
Magnolia'll remember.
Oh. Then I'll be a church choir
chaperone who got
the skin on the back of her knee
caught in the zipper
of a four-man tent flap.
(laughs) Oh, you are so creative.
No, that really happened.
Oh.
Shelby, I don't want
to sneak around anymore.
I want to tell my girls about us.
Oh, yay!
(laughs) Really?
Are you ready?
Certainly.
I will tell them tomorrow night.
At dinner.
Someplace crowded,
and I'll have the knives
taken off the table so Lemon
won't stab me in the heart.
Oh, Lemon'll be fine.
She is a grown woman
with her own life and concerns,
not some fragile nut-job
to quake in fear of.
LEMON: Daddy!
Aah!
You left me sitting
at the Butter Stick Bakery,
to be ogled by Cody Strong
like I was the last piece
of bacon on his plate!
Oh, lunch. I am so sorry.
If it helps, you could probably stand
to skip lunch anyway.
(gasps)
We all could.
Dr. Oz says it's the
least important meal.
Better to have a snack.
Like hummus.
I'm sorry...
why is she here?
Oh. She is, um...
The receptionist.
(laughs)
(laughs) Yes.
That's right.
And...
why don't you and I go get that lunch?
(chuckles)
I'll just...
hold down the fort.
Daddy, what are you
thinking of, hiring her?
You can't listen
to a nitwit like that all day.
You'll go insane.
Yeah.
Oh!
There he is!
Oh. Oh.
(chuckles)
Got yourself a boat!
Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?
Oh, well, we had some
business in Mobile tomorrow,
so we popped by to see how you are,
and imagine our shock
when Lemon answered your door.
Said you were on your boat.
Huh.
HAROLD: A boat.
Must mean you've arrived.
Yes.
How often do you get out
on her, every weekend?
Yeah.
Yeah, you know--
yeah, on weekends,
you know, on weekdays...
I'm pretty much on it every day.
Good Lord, he lives on a boat.
What happened, son?
Did you lose your practice?
Harold, give him a job.
No I don't-- guys,
I'm fine, okay? I don't need a--
I have a job, okay?
George, you're
out of-- oh.
Hi.
Mom, Dad, this is Tansy.
(Clora chuckles)
Did she come with your boat?
GEORGE: No.
Oh.
No, she has her own trailer.
Your houses both move.
(chuckles) Neat.
Just like circus folk.
(laughs) It's also where I cut hair.
Oh, hey.
How'd it go with Lemon?
Uh, good, good.
Real good.
Ah, she hates me, I knew it.
No... N-No, I just think
she needs a chance to warm up to you,
to appreciate you like I do,
before I tell her.
Yes.
I'll get her to love me.
I'm real good at that.
People almost never love me at first,
and then they just...
give in.
(chuckles)
(phone rings)
(phone continues ringing)
(clears throat)
Are you kidding me?
You told her you were the receptionist.
Just say my name first.
Brick-- uh, Breeland and Hart
doctor office.
So, Tansy, are you pregnant, is that it?
Is that what?
Mom.
Well, how did you two meet?
W-Was it a
dating service,
you know, because I've heard
those computers can be
comically inaccurate.
(laughs) Okay, Mom.
Your-your interest
in our relationship
is highly appreciated,
but I'm sure there's other
topics we can pursue tonight,
so cut it out.
George, you can't keep your mother
from saying what she wants.
But, we found a theater
in Birmingham that serves alcohol.
I've found that helps.
Okay.
ZOE: George?
HAROLD:
Dr. Hart!
What a nice surprise.
Hi.
Hey.
Mr. Tucker, Mrs. Tucker.
Tansy, you're going to see this movie?
Mm-hmm. You?
Yeah.
Apparently you're not a couple
unless someone's in pain.
(both laugh)
ZOE: I didn't know
you wanted to see this.
Heck, yeah.
I've been interested
in it for weeks. I-I...
It's got that guy from The Artist...
Artist!
I know, I love that guy!
CLORA: You know,
if, um, Wade and Tansy don't
want to see this movie,
we passed a theater that's
showing The Hangover 4,
and I think they brought back
that delightful monkey.
WADE (laughs):
Well...
(clears throat)
I'm-I'm good.
Yeah, no,
I-I'm good.
GEORGE: Oh. Okay.
All right. Uh...
Should we get tickets?
Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
Dad, you want to tell me
more about that theater
with all the alcohol?
Oh, it's wonderful, it really is.
I bet it is.
♪
Hey, Wally?
Hmm?
Who's that guy over there with AnnaBeth?
He looks familiar.
Aw, some English fellow.
Supposed to be here with
the oil company cleanup.
I think I met him somewhere before.
Well, first time in BlueBell,
but I hear he's lived
all over-- Rome, Paris.
Maybe he played football.
Oh, don't you start that, too.
Now, it's called soccer,
and I still say it's not
gonna catch on here.
(AnnaBeth laughs)
OLIVER: Did I tell you already
how beautiful you're looking?
You did.
Oh.
(laughs) You look fantastic.
ANNABETH:
Thank you.
I was about to die in there.
Yeah, it would have better
with a monkey in it.
Couldn't hear my snoring, could you?
Nah, I'm a pretty heavy sleeper myself.
(both laugh)
No, I thought it was brilliant.
I just, I-- you know,
I read somewhere
that half the audience walked
out when it premiered at Cannes.
Oh, my God, I would love to walk
out of this movie in Cannes.
Yeah, I would too.
(laughs)
Uh, but the best part
was that girl, um, from that...
Oh, my God, from that other movie!
Yes! It was the best
she's ever...
You see that?
Mm-hmm.
That is who George should be with.
Just look at them.
Clora, let George be.
I'd like to visit him
one time without involving ourselves
in some grand Jacobean drama.
No, the reason I couldn't
stand Lemon Breeland
was because she was gonna keep
him in that backwater town
for the rest of his life.
And that Tansy, ugh, she's even worse.
But he likes Tansy,
and frankly, so do I.
Oh, I know you do.
Especially when she's
wearing nothing but a towel.
But Dr. Hart?
You know, she can get
him out of BlueBell,
and back to the life he's meant for.
As is God's plan.
You may be mixing up you and God again.
As long as we get results,
I'm happy to share the credit.
(chuckles) No.
That-that's the one.
Really?
That-- yes, that is.
I don't think that's right.
(car horn honks)
WADE:
You said what?
That we would go to dinner
with George and Tansy tonight.
W... How drunk were you?
I wasn't.
You were at the bar with Tansy
trying to throw popcorn into the brim
of that passed-out
farmer's hat,
when George said, you know,
everyone's having a good time,
we should do it again tomorrow night.
Without his parents.
Yeah,
and without us.
Why not? It's okay
to go out with other couples.
You know,
that's why a lot of tables
come with four chairs.
Look, Zoe, if I wanted to date Tansy,
I'd still be married to her,
and if I wanted to date George
Tucker, I could date you,
which, oops, I already am.
LAVON:
Wade.
You got any old yearbooks?
Me? Oh, yeah, I use 'em
to press my prom flowers, Lavon.
I know I've seen that English
guy that AnnaBeth is sweet on.
Somewhere in these boxes,
I'm gonna find out where.
So you don't want
to double-date. Okay, I'm sorry
for wanting to improve our lives.
But it's already too late to cancel.
What would I even say?
Say no, that's what.
Tansy, it's one night out.
With my ex-husband and Zoe Hart,
who I just don't find
that much fun, and...
when you're with her, I'm sorry,
but neither are you.
Yes, I am. I'm fun.
(chuckles) I already went out
with your parents,
and it's as much forced smiling
as my face can take for now.
Okay, fine. I understand.
I understand.
I'll just tell Zoe you said no.
Oh, no, you will not!
Oh, no, you will not tell Tucker
I don't want to go.
But you don't.
Yeah, but he'll think
I'm jealous or whatever, okay?
It's a very delicate situation,
so just...
you know, make something up.
(sighs)
LAVON: Ah.
Found it. Got you.
Found what?
I don't know.
Sometimes it's like
he's in his own little world.
(birds chirping)
Magnolia, what is it?
I got your text.
What's the emergency?
This.
No.
And I am glad that you called me
because that is not appropriate
for you and over my dead body
will you be wearing that.
Lemon, I found it in the couch.
Do you even know what this means?
Oh, my God, Daddy's seeing someone.
(sighs)
Oh, good. I thought...
I thought it was his.
(scoffs)
(footsteps approach)
Morning.
Oh, hi!
Hey, uh, listen,
a-about tonight...
Yeah, I was just about to call you.
I forgot I have this thing.
Something came up.
On TV.
A phone call.
It's this movie.
My mom's supposed to call.
It's called Kangaroo Jack and...
She's been drinking a lot...
(both speaking rapidly, at once)
...so, some other night, though!
Absolutely!
Good luck with your mom!
Enjoy your movie!
ANNABETH: ...and he is
so handsome.
And that accent--
I could hear him read
the label off a soup can.
(giggles) Oh...
And his name could not
be any more British.
(British accent):
Oliver.
Lemon?
A lover.
I know.
No.
Ol-i-ver.
A lover.
My father has a lover.
AnnaBeth, do you not hear
a word that I say?
Yes. And I told you
I think it's great.
And that I'm sure there's a reason
he doesn't want you to know.
AnnaBeth, I have
an obligation to know.
After Emily, he's vulnerable,
and he could fall prey to any
number of gold-digging trollops.
Lemon!
Sorry to interrupt.
I accidentally ordered
an extra puff pastry,
and I wanted you to have it.
Mm.
This is Shelby,
my daddy's receptionist.
For now.
Hi, yes.
And seeing as how
we're both in your father's life,
in certain ways--
very different ways--
I was thinking that maybe that we could
get to know each other
over dinner tonight.
(chuckles) Oh.
Well, I don't see how that could...
...how that could hurt at all.
In fact, I think it's
a wonderful idea!
(chuckles)
Uh-oh.
It is?
Run.
My father has always
treated his employees
like members of the family.
Well, I guess that makes us
like sisters then.
Exactly! So how 'bout us sisters
find out what bimbo my daddy
is sleeping with, hmm?
Told you.
Howdy.
How you doing?
Mayor Lavon Hayes.
Oh, I'm Oliver Kent.
Pleasure to meet you.
Actually, I think
we've already met.
Have we indeed?
Yes, by Jove, we have.
Indeed.
At a bachelor weekend in
Louisiana a few years ago.
Yeah. You were our
Southern-born,
backwoods-bred, tobacco-chewin',
catfish-guttin' river guide.
(chuckles)
Indeed I was.
Righto. Well, well done.
Yeah, well... so you can
drop the fake accent,
tell me what you're trying to pull here.
I'm not trying to pull anything,
I'm afraid.
The accent is all too real and...
sadly, it's...
beyond my control.
WADE: I just don't understand
why we had to come
all the way out here.
I mean, the prices are all jacked up.
I could mix better drinks
than these from the backwash
from these glasses. No offense.
Because I didn't want us
to run into George
and Tansy in town after
that lie you made me tell.
Oh, I didn't make up the lie,
all right? It was...
My mom was too drunk to talk!
Kangaroo Jack was way too scary for Tansy.
Uh, well, you can stop now.
Okay!
(chuckles)
Okay, well, first of all, oops.
Am I right?
Uh, you know,
we can go somewhere else...
No, guys, guys, come on.
Don't-don't be silly.
All right? W-We're all here,
you got me? We might as well
just, you know, sit...
We're in a fight!
We are in a... fight.
GEORGE: Things got ugly.
Things were
said on both sides.
Both sides?
Oh, my God, George Tucker,
can't you for once just say
you're sorry?!
I guess we'll take this table.
We're good here.
WADE:
So, yeah...
ZOE: Mm-hmm.
Yeah...
(quietly):
You're... really good at that.
Thank you.
It's a little scary.
Can be.
♪
"Foreign Accent Syndrome"?
No, man, that's not a thing.
It's hard to believe, I know,
but you can look it up.
Oh, I will.
Oh, if-if you go online, um,
find the guy in Wisconsin
who woke up out of a coma and started
talking like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
It's-it's hilarious.
Wait, were you in a coma?
No, no, I just...
hit my head on my boat,
started having terrible migraines,
and then...
one day, this was how I spoke.
Huh.
"Foreign Accent Syndrome."
It's rare, but it's
well-documented.
It's even treatable with migraine drugs.
So why didn't the drugs work?
(sighs)
I didn't take them.
Why not?
With this accent,
my life improved immediately.
People who met me for the first
time, they suddenly found me...
sophisticated, witty,
educated.
And, uh, well, the ladies...
the, uh, ladies do love
a good accent, don't they?
(chuckles) Yeah.
But you're lying to people.
No. No, I'm not.
I-I say I'm from Birmingham,
people just...
assume England, not Alabama.
I say I've lived
in... Paris
and Rome, and... they just
happen to be in...
Texas and Georgia.
And the oil company cleanup job?
Scrubbing the wings of pelicans.
Man.
I mean, it all seems so hard.
No, not really.
I mean, it smells a bit,
and they bite.
Not the pelicans, man.
The secret.
Oh, right. Yeah.
And it's not fair to other people.
I-I'm the mayor
of this town, and I'm...
I-I worry about people here
getting attached to you,
you know, under false pretenses.
Getting hurt.
Is there someone here
you might get attached to?
Possibly.
Then I'm gonna have to ask you
to tell that person the truth.
Oh, hey!
How did it go with Lemon?
Mm! Well, the good news
is she loves me.
- The bad news is she hates
the bimbo you're sleeping with. - Oh, my.
And she wants me to help her
find out who it is.
We're having dinner in a half an hour to talk.
Oh, no, no, no.
Cancel that. Cancel that.
Tomorrow, I will... I will
just tell both girls,
but until then, you lay low.
Avoid Lemon. Uh...
tell her... tell her
y-you're working late tonight.
Good idea.
Then you still want to meet
later at the Candlewood?
Well, actually, I was really hoping that
you would work late.
'Cause we haven't had
a receptionist, and there's
a ton to catch up on.
(weak laugh)
Call me?
Sitting ten feet away from them
and pretending that they don't exist,
that's less awkward than
just going out with them?
By far, yeah.
No, don't you see? We both lie,
and we both pick the same place
to cover our lies.
We're very compatible.
TANSY: I mean it, George Tucker,
don't you tell me what to do!
GEORGE (quietly):
I think we can
make up now.
Sorry. When I pick a road,
I commit.
(phone chimes)
I can tell.
Sorry, it's my...
it's my mom.
(phone rings)
GEORGE: "Looking for
"Dr. Hart. Not to worry,
"your father just having
tiny chest pains.
On your boat if you find her."
George?
Is that my mom?
Yeah. I-I mean,
I'm sure it's nothing,
but I should check it out.
GEORGE: Yeah,
no, I-I'm going, too.
I-I'll go with you.
Baby, I-I don't know
if this is the right situation.
My mom's gonna be...really tense.
And...
now's not the time, you're right.
I'm sorry. But I-I I'll
be right back, I promise. Okay?
Okay.
All right.
(sighs)
You, uh...
think he's gonna finish that?
Oh, you poor thing!
Lemon!
Hi. Uh...
did you get my message? I...
I'm just, uh, too busy here
to go to dinner.
I know. Daddy is
such a slave driver,
so I brought our dinner here!
You did not have to do that.
Oh, nonsense.
And I can stay all night, if I have to.
I'm not leaving here
till I found what I came for.
Let's start
with his calendar, shall we?
(panting)
Mom, hey.
Where's Dad?
How's he feeling?
Oh, George, I'm sure he's fine.
He's just laying down on your bed
for a little bit.
We just stopped over to bring
you your boat-warming present.
It's a weather station, and, um,
you know, he just started
feeling a little faint is all.
Mom, where is he?
(engine whirring)
Are we moving?
Mom, did you trick us into coming?
You two belong together!
I can see it with my own eyes,
and until you admit it,
or give me a damn good
reason why not, no one is
getting off this boat!
GEORGE:
Mom, you're gonna flood it.
(engine sputtering)
Maybe even then.
Well, it is completely flooded.
Which is great, 'cause we get
to sit here and wait for it to dry out
while we float on out to sea.
More time to chat.
Mom, there is nothing
to chat about, okay?
Who we choose to be with is
none of your business.
When you have children, their
happiness is your only business.
Well, I'm perfectly happy.
Then just tell me why
you two aren't together.
As your mother, I deserve
that much, and then I will never
speak of it again.
Okay. Fine.
Zoe, you've made a number
of speeches on the subject.
Maybe you can summarize.
Oh. Okay.
When George was marrying Lemon,
I definitely wanted to be
with him, but couldn't,
so, on his wedding day,
I accidently had sex with Wade,
but then George was available, but
I didn't want to be his rebound.
I mean, 15 years, right?
So I told him to date other women
while I got close
with Wade, totally casually.
Even though I still
wanted to be with George
someday, I knew that he was
waiting around for me,
so I told him to date someone seriously
so he could break up with them.
But then Wade realized that
I was just waiting for George,
so I decided to give it
a real shot with Wade.
I even went to a Taylor Swift concert
so I could get his basket of crackers.
Oh, and then George wound up
hooking up with Wade's ex-wife.
I'm sorry.
What was the question?
Made more sense at the time.
Foreign Accent Syndrome.
Right. So, not British.
Not a subject of the crown,
as they say.
A right Colonial, I am...
Yeah, okay. Stop.
You still have migraines?
Oh, yes.
They're awful, sometimes.
Then that's crazy!
You need to see a doctor
and get the medicine.
Yeah, I wish it were that simple.
Are you embarrassed
what people might think?
Because I've been going to
Dr. Breeland since I was a baby.
I know he'll keep this quiet.
And if the accent goes away?
What, you think
people won't like you anymore?
I will.
Anyone who likes you now
will like you as a colonial.
(laughs)
I think you might be
underestimating its power.
And you're underestimating you.
The accent didn't change you.
It just gave you the confidence to be
the person you already were.
But your name is Oliver, right?
Because that's a deal breaker.
(laughs) Yeah.
(laughs)
Very interesting, don't you think?
Look, I think you're getting
worked up, all right?
I didn't want this double date,
you didn't want it.
(phone ringing)
And now, they're off together.
And you and I are sitting here.
Hmm?
Okay, okay, here's the doc now.
"Sorry.
Hope to be back soon.
George's mom kidnapped us
on his boat."
See? An explanation.
Yeah, the explanation is
that I'm not good enough
for her little boy,
and she wants him with Zoe Hart!
Well, we'll see about that!
Whoa, whoa, Tansy, sit down, okay?
This is my life we're talking about!
When does my voice get heard?
Oh, your voice is getting heard
by plenty of people right now.
Look, I'm telling you
from experience, all right?
You can't freak out
at every twist and turn
of the Zoe Hart-George Tucker
fun house ride.
Just like I know
she's with me, not him...
you got to have a little trust.
Well, I don't trust so well.
And thank you, by the way,
for your contribution to that.
But I am gonna go
and fight for what I want,
and if you just want to sit here
and have life happen to you,
well, do what you want.
(sighs)
Nope, I need a ride. Come on.
Well, I...
Come on!
We can't give up.
We have to find out who he's seeing.
Last thing Daddy needs
is some trashy strumpet
using his fragile heart
as a way to his money.
Now, what makes you think
that this person is trashy?
Well, this cheap hooker bra
she left at my house for starters.
Oh...! Oh, I don't know.
I bet whoever it is has taste,
and wants it back
'cause it's so expensive.
I should use it like
Cinderella's glass slipper.
Going around town seeing who it fits.
(laughter)
Oh, God!
Maybe you're selling your father short.
How do you mean?
Well, this woman may be great for him.
She may be young and full of life.
Delightful, even.
Like, someone you would never
imagine in your wildest dreams.
(phone ringing)
Someone calling here this late?
Doctors' office.
Uh, n-no, he's not.
Can I take...?
Well, at home, I would imagine.
I can call.
Oh, you-you got
his number. Good.
Well, if you can't
reach him, who can I say was calling?
AnnaBeth... Nass.
Thank you.
AnnaBeth's calling my dad at night?
Uh, she said it was a personal matter.
Shelby, AnnaBeth is young,
she's unattached,
and she discouraged me
from finding
the gold-digging trollop,
because the gold-digging trollop
is her!
My best friend!
So, anything else
would seem like a relief, right?
GEORGE: Maybe I can try and
call Raleigh at the marina,
see if he can send someone.
You're ignoring the issue.
Because the only one here
with an issue, Mom, is you.
Oh, please.
You both already admit
that you're drawn to each other.
No, I said that we had been in the past.
(quietly):
Okay, watch it, don't engage.
She married a lawyer,
raised two others. She's crafty.
MRS. TUCKER:
Okay, fine, you were
drawn to each other.
In fact, isn't it true
that George left his fiancée
at the altar for you?
Objection.
Leading the witness.
And if George
had called off his wedding
one day sooner,
you never would have been with Wade.
You'd have been with George.
Objection.
Calls for speculation.
I told you that the timing was bad.
I'm just trying to understand.
Now, you two wanted to be together,
and there's nothing that's
keeping you from being together.
Well, just, you know, fate.
MRS. TUCKER:
Fate, timing.
Dr. Hart,
you're a person of science,
yet you've handed over your life
to mystical forces.
Objection!
Have not.
So you do have free will!
Yes, okay, I could have chosen
George at any point.
Except you no longer have feelings for him.
Huh?
Well, no, I didn't say that.
Well, then, it must be
that George no longer
has feelings for you.
Objection!
On what grounds?
On the grounds that cut it the hell out, Mom.
Because you know you still do
have feelings, and so does she,
and I will cut it out if the two of you
will just admit it.
Okay, fine!
We have feelings for each other!
Are you happy?
I'm not.
How about you, Wade?
You happy?
(clears throat) Well, I've been better.
Tansy, how-how
did you...?
How what? How did I know
I needed to see
what was going on here?
No. How...?
How did you get to the boat?
LeRoy Calley keeps
that canoe tied up, so...
Mm.
See, I knew
she was up to no good.
No, listen.
She was just trying
to show us we should be together.
She lawyered us!
Okay, I got confused.
I mean, never call me
for a witness, boy.
I would not hold up.
That's true.
Mrs. Tucker,
George is with me.
Got it?
Exactly what I've
been telling her, baby.
I want us to break up.
What?!
ZOE: Tansy, wait, wait.
Okay, yeah,
so, George and I had a relationship.
Wait-- no, no-- never,
never a relationship.
But feelings, yes.
Does that mean
we should be together? No.
You and Wade were married.
I'm sure you still have
feelings for each other.
Hmm, not a good example.
Mm.
I don't know.
Okay, look, don't let her win, okay?
This is exactly what my mom wants.
See, the funny thing is,
is that she seems to be
the only one seeing straight.
Meaning what?
Meaning come on, Wade!
Seriously, what is the plan?
What happens when Zoe gets tired
of playing Sweet Home Alabama
and goes back to New York?
What?
WADE: Tansy, I don't know.
All right?
I don't need to know the future.
Because part of you knows
there is no future being
Mr. Dr. Hart, the
bartending house-husband.
Exactly! And George,
do you really
see Tansy being the mother
of your children?
Mom...
Well, what is that supposed to mean?
Mom, stop it.
Okay? Nobody's
getting married here.
Never? So, what,
was I a way to kill the time?
No! Of course not.
She just...
She has us having kids!
Oh, which is such a crazy idea, right?
Forget it. I don't need this.
I was trying
to have less drama in my life,
not more.
If I wanted more,
I would be with Todd Gainey Jr.
and his nest of girlfriends!
Wait, Tansy...
Tansy, wait.
Tansy...
Well, hey, don't take the canoe!
GEORGE: You can go ahead
and stop all that smiling, Mom, 'cause
you're not gonna like the way this ends.
And you know what, Mom,
seriously--
get another hobby.
I'm not planning on going back
to New York anytime soon.
Did I ask? No.
(crickets chirping)
AnnaBeth.
Hi.
Now, I just gave Oliver
an injection of Sumatriptan
for his migraines.
Now, it goes to work
in a couple of minutes,
but he's lying down for now.
And his... accent?
Well, we don't know yet,
but whatever happens,
the most important thing is
that I will finally have an article
in the Alabama Medical Review.
(laughs)
See how you like
Foreign Accent Syndrome,
Dr. O'Malley, and your
six-fingered twins.
Brick, I can't thank you enough
for helping him.
Oh... well, you're welcome.
(Brick chuckles)
LEMON:
Unbelievable!
Well, Lemon, what...?
Sneaking around like this!
How dare you!
We had to.
He didn't want anyone to
know about his condition.
What condition?
Well,
I can't tell you.
But, uh, you know,
with some luck, you'll be able
to read about it soon.
I don't want
to read about it;
I want to know how
you justify sleeping
with a girl half your age!
Half my... Oh.
Look-look,
I never meant for that to happen,
but just sometimes you develop
feelings for a person, and...
Not my best friend!
She's your best friend?
Well, yes!
Well, that is great! When did that happen?
(gasps)
Oh, my Lord.
She means me.
She what?
Oh, my Lord!
Lemon, this is insane!
On top of the fact
that I told you, I met this guy.
Yes, your "British fellow."
Except there are
no British men in BlueBell.
Do you think that I'm stupid?
There are so.
Where?
There he is right now.
(Southern accent):
Hello. I'm Oliver Kent.
Very pleased to meet you.
(exhales)
Well, he was British.
(stammering):
L-Lemon, just stop
all this.
It is not AnnaBeth that I'm seeing.
It is...
Shelby.
Oh, my Lord.
And... I was just about to tell you...
No.
No. Shelby. Of course.
(anxious laugh) Well...
I should be leaving now.
And, AnnaBeth, I am...
so sorry.
(clears throat) Daddy, please give
your girlfriend back her underwear.
And, Mr. Kent, it was...
lovely to meet you.
Well, she seemed very nice.
How about these miracle drugs, huh?
M-My headache
is gone.
I can't tell about the accent.
I'm still getting used to it, so...
I'm gonna have to take your word for it.
What do you say?
Still sexy?
Oh, yes!
Mm! You bet!
Good work!
(chuckles)
BRICK: Okay.
(cooing quietly)
Okay, you are...
not wrong about what you said in there.
I hate that expression.
It's lawyer talk.
"You're not wrong"
means neither are you.
(chuckling)
Fair enough, fair enough.
Okay, how about this?
The truth is, yes,
there is a chance
that there might always be
some type of... connection...
between Zoe Hart and me.
But my mom was absolutely right.
If we wanted to be together,
we could be.
I'm not, because...
I don't want to be.
I want to be with you.
Because I'm happy.
And you know what?
If I never end up with Zoe Hart...
I'm realizing that
would be completely fine.
(both laugh)
ZOE:
Wow.
Zoe, I...
No, it's...
it's okay.
I meant, wow...
me, too.
You know, I guess...
I just always thought,
in the back of my mind,
that I'd end up with George.
You know, that was the plan.
But as shocking
as it sounds, I'm actually
really happy with Wade.
WADE:
I can hear you!
(laughs)
(laughs softly)
Yeah.
I-I guess I always
just kind of...
saw us circling back towards each
other at some point, you know?
But...
Yeah.
But maybe we're just not
in the same orbit anymore.
We're headed for different planets.
Which is okay.
Well, then you're in luck, because...
Wade Kinsella is definitely
on a different planet.
WADE:
Yup, I can still hear you!
(laughs)
Well, all right, then.
I better go break the news to Mom.
She's gonna take it really hard.
(laughs)
(shouts):
How about us? We good?
WADE: Yup.
Just checking.
(birds chirping)
So when's the wedding?
Shut up, Harold.
Uh, just one.
Let me clear a table for you.
Morning, A.B.
Hi.
Heh. So, uh,
um, how is your friend, uh...
Oliver, is it?
Odd you should ask.
Seems you ran into him last night.
Well, i-it's... you know,
it's hard to say.
I meet a lot of people
in my line of work.
Well, he told me this funny story
about that accent of his,
and then Brick gave him
some medicine, and bang,
no more accent.
Huh. So a happy ending.
Mm. Then he left me
this message this morning.
OLIVER (British accent):
AnnaBeth, I just wanted to say
it was lovely to meet you,
and I do hope we can meet again someday,
but I must be moving on.
To somewhere that they
don't know me, I think.
At least not as anything
but jolly Oliver Kent
from "merrie olde England."
Thank you, though.
Now...
pip-pip, cheerio.
Bye, then, love.
So what, the medicine wore off?
Nope. Now he's faking it.
What for?
Because he could see it in my eyes.
I told him I'd feel the same, but...
he saw in my face the second
he started to talk and...
he was...
just like everyone else.
Hm.
Am I a terrible person, Lavon?
What? No, of course not.
I am so shallow.
No! Now, AnnaBeth Nass,
you are a good person.
Now, you just tried to help the guy.
He doesn't know himself, is all.
A lot of that going around.
But thanks for looking out for me.
Ah. Me, I think
you're better off.
Having to learn all those
English way of saying things...
Lift.
Petrol.
Quidditch.
(chuckles)
Who needs it?
(laughs)
No, you're right.
AnnaBeth?
Come on, I'll buy you a coffee.
Okay.
♪
(sighs) There they are.
Ready for lunch?
BRICK:
We are.
We are.
And, sweetheart, I am so tickled that
you came around to this so quickly.
To have this
out in the open!
Aw...
The two of you
with me just means the world.
Oh, Daddy, all I ever want
is for you to be happy.
- I'm sorry to both of you that
I was such a pill about it. - Oh. Well,
come on, let's go!
(laughs)
Uh, Lemon... me, too.
I am so really, really sorry
that I had to deceive you like that.
But I just think that we are gonna
become the very best of friends.
(laughs)
Yes, well, about that...
I don't know what your game is,
but don't get too comfortable,
because I'm gonna have you out of here and
back into the Panhandle within a week.
Let's eat.
(sighs)
♪
Hey, Wally, how much you figure a
bartender makes in New York City?
More than here, if that's
what you're getting at.
But a bartender in New York
City also lives in New Jersey.
Now, you ain't gonna
catch me in New Jersey.
I went to Newark one time,
saw a man wearing his pants like a hat.
You can have it.
Hey.
Oh. Hey.
Uh, I'm just wrapping up here.
You want to grab a bite to eat?
Yes. I will
get us a table.
All right.
(clears throat)
Oh.
(laughs) Hi.
Hi.
Hey. Um...
You know, we could just...
Hey, look, look, it's a small town
and it is what it is, so if we're
all gonna be in the same boat,
well, we might as well be
rowing in the same direction.
All right.
Well, all right, then.
Menus.
Tucker.
(sighs) (clears throat)
Hmm...
I read that, uh, Book of Mormon is
coming to Birmingham next month.
Maybe we all could go.
Really?
That actually sounds great...
No.
Not a chance.
Right.
Uh, we're good.
Yeah, whatever.
(laughter)
♪
relationship, Wade.
I don't know how to do it.
Me neither.
Sometimes, you just got to wing it.
We're gonna drive
each other crazy sometimes.
But you got to remember,
that's part of what brought us
together in the first place.
Well, hello, Doctor.
BRICK:
Shelby was
a midlife crisis.
But she made me feel more alive
than I've felt in 13 years.
If you want to be with Shelby,
screw it, be with Shelby.
To be honest with you, there is
only one girl that I want
to have a date with.
How's Tansy?
She's-she's good. Uh... we-we are good.
How about you and Wade?
Heard you made that official.
(both laugh)
Life in BlueBell.
(sighs)
Cured sausage.
Okay.
You left a message on my machine.
Said you wanted cured sausage, yeah?
(laughs)
No, I said I wanted to see
that movie, Coeur Sauvage.
It won Best Foreign Film.
With Kristin Scott Thomas and
that guy from The Artist.
They go on their honeymoon
and then they're sent back
accidentally in time
to the Warsaw Ghetto.
It's supposed to be really funny.
Yeah, well...
enjoy that.
No, but I want to go with you.
Why? What did I do to you?
You made me go to that stupid race.
What race?
The one with the really bad drivers?
No, no, that was a demolition derby.
Oh.
Well, the point is
I didn't want to go,
but we're a couple now,
so I went anyways,
'cause that's what couples do.
Things they hate?
All the time!
You know, it-it could
be good for us.
Who knows, you might even find
something that you like in life,
other than cars and beer.
You really think I'm that shallow?
I'm sorry-- and naked women.
Thank you. Come on.
(Zoe laughs)
Speaking of naked women...
Oh...
Yeah...
Now what?
(sighs)
Oh!
Oh! Sorry.
Lemon!
Blame my father.
He stood me up twice in one week.
Well, what if I had been
old Mrs. Hodge that you
barreled into out here?
They'd be finding pieces of her
for weeks!
Oh.
Ooh.
Pardon me.
Go this way...
Hmm.
(laughs)
(sighing):
Yeah...
You know, there are
many wonders in this world,
but its greatest mystery might just be
the, uh, the Butter Stick Bakery's
stunning and impenetrable
Gates of the Two Sirens.
(chuckles)
Impenetrable?
We'll see about that.
AnnaBena!
Hmm?
Where are you going?
Crickett, I have never told you this,
but in my soul, I have always believed
that I would meet
a dashing English gentleman
right out of a Jane Austen novel.
(laughs) In BlueBell?
Mm-hmm.
Good luck with that.
(giggles)
Well, I can't wait to see you tonight.
(chuckles)
I'll wait at Candlewood
Suites out on Royal,
and I'll call your house
at 8:00 sharp and say
that I'm a tourist who had a bad clam,
and I need to see a doctor right away.
Oh, no, no.
We already used that one.
Magnolia'll remember.
Oh. Then I'll be a church choir
chaperone who got
the skin on the back of her knee
caught in the zipper
of a four-man tent flap.
(laughs) Oh, you are so creative.
No, that really happened.
Oh.
Shelby, I don't want
to sneak around anymore.
I want to tell my girls about us.
Oh, yay!
(laughs) Really?
Are you ready?
Certainly.
I will tell them tomorrow night.
At dinner.
Someplace crowded,
and I'll have the knives
taken off the table so Lemon
won't stab me in the heart.
Oh, Lemon'll be fine.
She is a grown woman
with her own life and concerns,
not some fragile nut-job
to quake in fear of.
LEMON: Daddy!
Aah!
You left me sitting
at the Butter Stick Bakery,
to be ogled by Cody Strong
like I was the last piece
of bacon on his plate!
Oh, lunch. I am so sorry.
If it helps, you could probably stand
to skip lunch anyway.
(gasps)
We all could.
Dr. Oz says it's the
least important meal.
Better to have a snack.
Like hummus.
I'm sorry...
why is she here?
Oh. She is, um...
The receptionist.
(laughs)
(laughs) Yes.
That's right.
And...
why don't you and I go get that lunch?
(chuckles)
I'll just...
hold down the fort.
Daddy, what are you
thinking of, hiring her?
You can't listen
to a nitwit like that all day.
You'll go insane.
Yeah.
Oh!
There he is!
Oh. Oh.
(chuckles)
Got yourself a boat!
Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?
Oh, well, we had some
business in Mobile tomorrow,
so we popped by to see how you are,
and imagine our shock
when Lemon answered your door.
Said you were on your boat.
Huh.
HAROLD: A boat.
Must mean you've arrived.
Yes.
How often do you get out
on her, every weekend?
Yeah.
Yeah, you know--
yeah, on weekends,
you know, on weekdays...
I'm pretty much on it every day.
Good Lord, he lives on a boat.
What happened, son?
Did you lose your practice?
Harold, give him a job.
No I don't-- guys,
I'm fine, okay? I don't need a--
I have a job, okay?
George, you're
out of-- oh.
Hi.
Mom, Dad, this is Tansy.
(Clora chuckles)
Did she come with your boat?
GEORGE: No.
Oh.
No, she has her own trailer.
Your houses both move.
(chuckles) Neat.
Just like circus folk.
(laughs) It's also where I cut hair.
Oh, hey.
How'd it go with Lemon?
Uh, good, good.
Real good.
Ah, she hates me, I knew it.
No... N-No, I just think
she needs a chance to warm up to you,
to appreciate you like I do,
before I tell her.
Yes.
I'll get her to love me.
I'm real good at that.
People almost never love me at first,
and then they just...
give in.
(chuckles)
(phone rings)
(phone continues ringing)
(clears throat)
Are you kidding me?
You told her you were the receptionist.
Just say my name first.
Brick-- uh, Breeland and Hart
doctor office.
So, Tansy, are you pregnant, is that it?
Is that what?
Mom.
Well, how did you two meet?
W-Was it a
dating service,
you know, because I've heard
those computers can be
comically inaccurate.
(laughs) Okay, Mom.
Your-your interest
in our relationship
is highly appreciated,
but I'm sure there's other
topics we can pursue tonight,
so cut it out.
George, you can't keep your mother
from saying what she wants.
But, we found a theater
in Birmingham that serves alcohol.
I've found that helps.
Okay.
ZOE: George?
HAROLD:
Dr. Hart!
What a nice surprise.
Hi.
Hey.
Mr. Tucker, Mrs. Tucker.
Tansy, you're going to see this movie?
Mm-hmm. You?
Yeah.
Apparently you're not a couple
unless someone's in pain.
(both laugh)
ZOE: I didn't know
you wanted to see this.
Heck, yeah.
I've been interested
in it for weeks. I-I...
It's got that guy from The Artist...
Artist!
I know, I love that guy!
CLORA: You know,
if, um, Wade and Tansy don't
want to see this movie,
we passed a theater that's
showing The Hangover 4,
and I think they brought back
that delightful monkey.
WADE (laughs):
Well...
(clears throat)
I'm-I'm good.
Yeah, no,
I-I'm good.
GEORGE: Oh. Okay.
All right. Uh...
Should we get tickets?
Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
Dad, you want to tell me
more about that theater
with all the alcohol?
Oh, it's wonderful, it really is.
I bet it is.
♪
Hey, Wally?
Hmm?
Who's that guy over there with AnnaBeth?
He looks familiar.
Aw, some English fellow.
Supposed to be here with
the oil company cleanup.
I think I met him somewhere before.
Well, first time in BlueBell,
but I hear he's lived
all over-- Rome, Paris.
Maybe he played football.
Oh, don't you start that, too.
Now, it's called soccer,
and I still say it's not
gonna catch on here.
(AnnaBeth laughs)
OLIVER: Did I tell you already
how beautiful you're looking?
You did.
Oh.
(laughs) You look fantastic.
ANNABETH:
Thank you.
I was about to die in there.
Yeah, it would have better
with a monkey in it.
Couldn't hear my snoring, could you?
Nah, I'm a pretty heavy sleeper myself.
(both laugh)
No, I thought it was brilliant.
I just, I-- you know,
I read somewhere
that half the audience walked
out when it premiered at Cannes.
Oh, my God, I would love to walk
out of this movie in Cannes.
Yeah, I would too.
(laughs)
Uh, but the best part
was that girl, um, from that...
Oh, my God, from that other movie!
Yes! It was the best
she's ever...
You see that?
Mm-hmm.
That is who George should be with.
Just look at them.
Clora, let George be.
I'd like to visit him
one time without involving ourselves
in some grand Jacobean drama.
No, the reason I couldn't
stand Lemon Breeland
was because she was gonna keep
him in that backwater town
for the rest of his life.
And that Tansy, ugh, she's even worse.
But he likes Tansy,
and frankly, so do I.
Oh, I know you do.
Especially when she's
wearing nothing but a towel.
But Dr. Hart?
You know, she can get
him out of BlueBell,
and back to the life he's meant for.
As is God's plan.
You may be mixing up you and God again.
As long as we get results,
I'm happy to share the credit.
(chuckles) No.
That-that's the one.
Really?
That-- yes, that is.
I don't think that's right.
(car horn honks)
WADE:
You said what?
That we would go to dinner
with George and Tansy tonight.
W... How drunk were you?
I wasn't.
You were at the bar with Tansy
trying to throw popcorn into the brim
of that passed-out
farmer's hat,
when George said, you know,
everyone's having a good time,
we should do it again tomorrow night.
Without his parents.
Yeah,
and without us.
Why not? It's okay
to go out with other couples.
You know,
that's why a lot of tables
come with four chairs.
Look, Zoe, if I wanted to date Tansy,
I'd still be married to her,
and if I wanted to date George
Tucker, I could date you,
which, oops, I already am.
LAVON:
Wade.
You got any old yearbooks?
Me? Oh, yeah, I use 'em
to press my prom flowers, Lavon.
I know I've seen that English
guy that AnnaBeth is sweet on.
Somewhere in these boxes,
I'm gonna find out where.
So you don't want
to double-date. Okay, I'm sorry
for wanting to improve our lives.
But it's already too late to cancel.
What would I even say?
Say no, that's what.
Tansy, it's one night out.
With my ex-husband and Zoe Hart,
who I just don't find
that much fun, and...
when you're with her, I'm sorry,
but neither are you.
Yes, I am. I'm fun.
(chuckles) I already went out
with your parents,
and it's as much forced smiling
as my face can take for now.
Okay, fine. I understand.
I understand.
I'll just tell Zoe you said no.
Oh, no, you will not!
Oh, no, you will not tell Tucker
I don't want to go.
But you don't.
Yeah, but he'll think
I'm jealous or whatever, okay?
It's a very delicate situation,
so just...
you know, make something up.
(sighs)
LAVON: Ah.
Found it. Got you.
Found what?
I don't know.
Sometimes it's like
he's in his own little world.
(birds chirping)
Magnolia, what is it?
I got your text.
What's the emergency?
This.
No.
And I am glad that you called me
because that is not appropriate
for you and over my dead body
will you be wearing that.
Lemon, I found it in the couch.
Do you even know what this means?
Oh, my God, Daddy's seeing someone.
(sighs)
Oh, good. I thought...
I thought it was his.
(scoffs)
(footsteps approach)
Morning.
Oh, hi!
Hey, uh, listen,
a-about tonight...
Yeah, I was just about to call you.
I forgot I have this thing.
Something came up.
On TV.
A phone call.
It's this movie.
My mom's supposed to call.
It's called Kangaroo Jack and...
She's been drinking a lot...
(both speaking rapidly, at once)
...so, some other night, though!
Absolutely!
Good luck with your mom!
Enjoy your movie!
ANNABETH: ...and he is
so handsome.
And that accent--
I could hear him read
the label off a soup can.
(giggles) Oh...
And his name could not
be any more British.
(British accent):
Oliver.
Lemon?
A lover.
I know.
No.
Ol-i-ver.
A lover.
My father has a lover.
AnnaBeth, do you not hear
a word that I say?
Yes. And I told you
I think it's great.
And that I'm sure there's a reason
he doesn't want you to know.
AnnaBeth, I have
an obligation to know.
After Emily, he's vulnerable,
and he could fall prey to any
number of gold-digging trollops.
Lemon!
Sorry to interrupt.
I accidentally ordered
an extra puff pastry,
and I wanted you to have it.
Mm.
This is Shelby,
my daddy's receptionist.
For now.
Hi, yes.
And seeing as how
we're both in your father's life,
in certain ways--
very different ways--
I was thinking that maybe that we could
get to know each other
over dinner tonight.
(chuckles) Oh.
Well, I don't see how that could...
...how that could hurt at all.
In fact, I think it's
a wonderful idea!
(chuckles)
Uh-oh.
It is?
Run.
My father has always
treated his employees
like members of the family.
Well, I guess that makes us
like sisters then.
Exactly! So how 'bout us sisters
find out what bimbo my daddy
is sleeping with, hmm?
Told you.
Howdy.
How you doing?
Mayor Lavon Hayes.
Oh, I'm Oliver Kent.
Pleasure to meet you.
Actually, I think
we've already met.
Have we indeed?
Yes, by Jove, we have.
Indeed.
At a bachelor weekend in
Louisiana a few years ago.
Yeah. You were our
Southern-born,
backwoods-bred, tobacco-chewin',
catfish-guttin' river guide.
(chuckles)
Indeed I was.
Righto. Well, well done.
Yeah, well... so you can
drop the fake accent,
tell me what you're trying to pull here.
I'm not trying to pull anything,
I'm afraid.
The accent is all too real and...
sadly, it's...
beyond my control.
WADE: I just don't understand
why we had to come
all the way out here.
I mean, the prices are all jacked up.
I could mix better drinks
than these from the backwash
from these glasses. No offense.
Because I didn't want us
to run into George
and Tansy in town after
that lie you made me tell.
Oh, I didn't make up the lie,
all right? It was...
My mom was too drunk to talk!
Kangaroo Jack was way too scary for Tansy.
Uh, well, you can stop now.
Okay!
(chuckles)
Okay, well, first of all, oops.
Am I right?
Uh, you know,
we can go somewhere else...
No, guys, guys, come on.
Don't-don't be silly.
All right? W-We're all here,
you got me? We might as well
just, you know, sit...
We're in a fight!
We are in a... fight.
GEORGE: Things got ugly.
Things were
said on both sides.
Both sides?
Oh, my God, George Tucker,
can't you for once just say
you're sorry?!
I guess we'll take this table.
We're good here.
WADE:
So, yeah...
ZOE: Mm-hmm.
Yeah...
(quietly):
You're... really good at that.
Thank you.
It's a little scary.
Can be.
♪
"Foreign Accent Syndrome"?
No, man, that's not a thing.
It's hard to believe, I know,
but you can look it up.
Oh, I will.
Oh, if-if you go online, um,
find the guy in Wisconsin
who woke up out of a coma and started
talking like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
It's-it's hilarious.
Wait, were you in a coma?
No, no, I just...
hit my head on my boat,
started having terrible migraines,
and then...
one day, this was how I spoke.
Huh.
"Foreign Accent Syndrome."
It's rare, but it's
well-documented.
It's even treatable with migraine drugs.
So why didn't the drugs work?
(sighs)
I didn't take them.
Why not?
With this accent,
my life improved immediately.
People who met me for the first
time, they suddenly found me...
sophisticated, witty,
educated.
And, uh, well, the ladies...
the, uh, ladies do love
a good accent, don't they?
(chuckles) Yeah.
But you're lying to people.
No. No, I'm not.
I-I say I'm from Birmingham,
people just...
assume England, not Alabama.
I say I've lived
in... Paris
and Rome, and... they just
happen to be in...
Texas and Georgia.
And the oil company cleanup job?
Scrubbing the wings of pelicans.
Man.
I mean, it all seems so hard.
No, not really.
I mean, it smells a bit,
and they bite.
Not the pelicans, man.
The secret.
Oh, right. Yeah.
And it's not fair to other people.
I-I'm the mayor
of this town, and I'm...
I-I worry about people here
getting attached to you,
you know, under false pretenses.
Getting hurt.
Is there someone here
you might get attached to?
Possibly.
Then I'm gonna have to ask you
to tell that person the truth.
Oh, hey!
How did it go with Lemon?
Mm! Well, the good news
is she loves me.
- The bad news is she hates
the bimbo you're sleeping with. - Oh, my.
And she wants me to help her
find out who it is.
We're having dinner in a half an hour to talk.
Oh, no, no, no.
Cancel that. Cancel that.
Tomorrow, I will... I will
just tell both girls,
but until then, you lay low.
Avoid Lemon. Uh...
tell her... tell her
y-you're working late tonight.
Good idea.
Then you still want to meet
later at the Candlewood?
Well, actually, I was really hoping that
you would work late.
'Cause we haven't had
a receptionist, and there's
a ton to catch up on.
(weak laugh)
Call me?
Sitting ten feet away from them
and pretending that they don't exist,
that's less awkward than
just going out with them?
By far, yeah.
No, don't you see? We both lie,
and we both pick the same place
to cover our lies.
We're very compatible.
TANSY: I mean it, George Tucker,
don't you tell me what to do!
GEORGE (quietly):
I think we can
make up now.
Sorry. When I pick a road,
I commit.
(phone chimes)
I can tell.
Sorry, it's my...
it's my mom.
(phone rings)
GEORGE: "Looking for
"Dr. Hart. Not to worry,
"your father just having
tiny chest pains.
On your boat if you find her."
George?
Is that my mom?
Yeah. I-I mean,
I'm sure it's nothing,
but I should check it out.
GEORGE: Yeah,
no, I-I'm going, too.
I-I'll go with you.
Baby, I-I don't know
if this is the right situation.
My mom's gonna be...really tense.
And...
now's not the time, you're right.
I'm sorry. But I-I I'll
be right back, I promise. Okay?
Okay.
All right.
(sighs)
You, uh...
think he's gonna finish that?
Oh, you poor thing!
Lemon!
Hi. Uh...
did you get my message? I...
I'm just, uh, too busy here
to go to dinner.
I know. Daddy is
such a slave driver,
so I brought our dinner here!
You did not have to do that.
Oh, nonsense.
And I can stay all night, if I have to.
I'm not leaving here
till I found what I came for.
Let's start
with his calendar, shall we?
(panting)
Mom, hey.
Where's Dad?
How's he feeling?
Oh, George, I'm sure he's fine.
He's just laying down on your bed
for a little bit.
We just stopped over to bring
you your boat-warming present.
It's a weather station, and, um,
you know, he just started
feeling a little faint is all.
Mom, where is he?
(engine whirring)
Are we moving?
Mom, did you trick us into coming?
You two belong together!
I can see it with my own eyes,
and until you admit it,
or give me a damn good
reason why not, no one is
getting off this boat!
GEORGE:
Mom, you're gonna flood it.
(engine sputtering)
Maybe even then.
Well, it is completely flooded.
Which is great, 'cause we get
to sit here and wait for it to dry out
while we float on out to sea.
More time to chat.
Mom, there is nothing
to chat about, okay?
Who we choose to be with is
none of your business.
When you have children, their
happiness is your only business.
Well, I'm perfectly happy.
Then just tell me why
you two aren't together.
As your mother, I deserve
that much, and then I will never
speak of it again.
Okay. Fine.
Zoe, you've made a number
of speeches on the subject.
Maybe you can summarize.
Oh. Okay.
When George was marrying Lemon,
I definitely wanted to be
with him, but couldn't,
so, on his wedding day,
I accidently had sex with Wade,
but then George was available, but
I didn't want to be his rebound.
I mean, 15 years, right?
So I told him to date other women
while I got close
with Wade, totally casually.
Even though I still
wanted to be with George
someday, I knew that he was
waiting around for me,
so I told him to date someone seriously
so he could break up with them.
But then Wade realized that
I was just waiting for George,
so I decided to give it
a real shot with Wade.
I even went to a Taylor Swift concert
so I could get his basket of crackers.
Oh, and then George wound up
hooking up with Wade's ex-wife.
I'm sorry.
What was the question?
Made more sense at the time.
Foreign Accent Syndrome.
Right. So, not British.
Not a subject of the crown,
as they say.
A right Colonial, I am...
Yeah, okay. Stop.
You still have migraines?
Oh, yes.
They're awful, sometimes.
Then that's crazy!
You need to see a doctor
and get the medicine.
Yeah, I wish it were that simple.
Are you embarrassed
what people might think?
Because I've been going to
Dr. Breeland since I was a baby.
I know he'll keep this quiet.
And if the accent goes away?
What, you think
people won't like you anymore?
I will.
Anyone who likes you now
will like you as a colonial.
(laughs)
I think you might be
underestimating its power.
And you're underestimating you.
The accent didn't change you.
It just gave you the confidence to be
the person you already were.
But your name is Oliver, right?
Because that's a deal breaker.
(laughs) Yeah.
(laughs)
Very interesting, don't you think?
Look, I think you're getting
worked up, all right?
I didn't want this double date,
you didn't want it.
(phone ringing)
And now, they're off together.
And you and I are sitting here.
Hmm?
Okay, okay, here's the doc now.
"Sorry.
Hope to be back soon.
George's mom kidnapped us
on his boat."
See? An explanation.
Yeah, the explanation is
that I'm not good enough
for her little boy,
and she wants him with Zoe Hart!
Well, we'll see about that!
Whoa, whoa, Tansy, sit down, okay?
This is my life we're talking about!
When does my voice get heard?
Oh, your voice is getting heard
by plenty of people right now.
Look, I'm telling you
from experience, all right?
You can't freak out
at every twist and turn
of the Zoe Hart-George Tucker
fun house ride.
Just like I know
she's with me, not him...
you got to have a little trust.
Well, I don't trust so well.
And thank you, by the way,
for your contribution to that.
But I am gonna go
and fight for what I want,
and if you just want to sit here
and have life happen to you,
well, do what you want.
(sighs)
Nope, I need a ride. Come on.
Well, I...
Come on!
We can't give up.
We have to find out who he's seeing.
Last thing Daddy needs
is some trashy strumpet
using his fragile heart
as a way to his money.
Now, what makes you think
that this person is trashy?
Well, this cheap hooker bra
she left at my house for starters.
Oh...! Oh, I don't know.
I bet whoever it is has taste,
and wants it back
'cause it's so expensive.
I should use it like
Cinderella's glass slipper.
Going around town seeing who it fits.
(laughter)
Oh, God!
Maybe you're selling your father short.
How do you mean?
Well, this woman may be great for him.
She may be young and full of life.
Delightful, even.
Like, someone you would never
imagine in your wildest dreams.
(phone ringing)
Someone calling here this late?
Doctors' office.
Uh, n-no, he's not.
Can I take...?
Well, at home, I would imagine.
I can call.
Oh, you-you got
his number. Good.
Well, if you can't
reach him, who can I say was calling?
AnnaBeth... Nass.
Thank you.
AnnaBeth's calling my dad at night?
Uh, she said it was a personal matter.
Shelby, AnnaBeth is young,
she's unattached,
and she discouraged me
from finding
the gold-digging trollop,
because the gold-digging trollop
is her!
My best friend!
So, anything else
would seem like a relief, right?
GEORGE: Maybe I can try and
call Raleigh at the marina,
see if he can send someone.
You're ignoring the issue.
Because the only one here
with an issue, Mom, is you.
Oh, please.
You both already admit
that you're drawn to each other.
No, I said that we had been in the past.
(quietly):
Okay, watch it, don't engage.
She married a lawyer,
raised two others. She's crafty.
MRS. TUCKER:
Okay, fine, you were
drawn to each other.
In fact, isn't it true
that George left his fiancée
at the altar for you?
Objection.
Leading the witness.
And if George
had called off his wedding
one day sooner,
you never would have been with Wade.
You'd have been with George.
Objection.
Calls for speculation.
I told you that the timing was bad.
I'm just trying to understand.
Now, you two wanted to be together,
and there's nothing that's
keeping you from being together.
Well, just, you know, fate.
MRS. TUCKER:
Fate, timing.
Dr. Hart,
you're a person of science,
yet you've handed over your life
to mystical forces.
Objection!
Have not.
So you do have free will!
Yes, okay, I could have chosen
George at any point.
Except you no longer have feelings for him.
Huh?
Well, no, I didn't say that.
Well, then, it must be
that George no longer
has feelings for you.
Objection!
On what grounds?
On the grounds that cut it the hell out, Mom.
Because you know you still do
have feelings, and so does she,
and I will cut it out if the two of you
will just admit it.
Okay, fine!
We have feelings for each other!
Are you happy?
I'm not.
How about you, Wade?
You happy?
(clears throat) Well, I've been better.
Tansy, how-how
did you...?
How what? How did I know
I needed to see
what was going on here?
No. How...?
How did you get to the boat?
LeRoy Calley keeps
that canoe tied up, so...
Mm.
See, I knew
she was up to no good.
No, listen.
She was just trying
to show us we should be together.
She lawyered us!
Okay, I got confused.
I mean, never call me
for a witness, boy.
I would not hold up.
That's true.
Mrs. Tucker,
George is with me.
Got it?
Exactly what I've
been telling her, baby.
I want us to break up.
What?!
ZOE: Tansy, wait, wait.
Okay, yeah,
so, George and I had a relationship.
Wait-- no, no-- never,
never a relationship.
But feelings, yes.
Does that mean
we should be together? No.
You and Wade were married.
I'm sure you still have
feelings for each other.
Hmm, not a good example.
Mm.
I don't know.
Okay, look, don't let her win, okay?
This is exactly what my mom wants.
See, the funny thing is,
is that she seems to be
the only one seeing straight.
Meaning what?
Meaning come on, Wade!
Seriously, what is the plan?
What happens when Zoe gets tired
of playing Sweet Home Alabama
and goes back to New York?
What?
WADE: Tansy, I don't know.
All right?
I don't need to know the future.
Because part of you knows
there is no future being
Mr. Dr. Hart, the
bartending house-husband.
Exactly! And George,
do you really
see Tansy being the mother
of your children?
Mom...
Well, what is that supposed to mean?
Mom, stop it.
Okay? Nobody's
getting married here.
Never? So, what,
was I a way to kill the time?
No! Of course not.
She just...
She has us having kids!
Oh, which is such a crazy idea, right?
Forget it. I don't need this.
I was trying
to have less drama in my life,
not more.
If I wanted more,
I would be with Todd Gainey Jr.
and his nest of girlfriends!
Wait, Tansy...
Tansy, wait.
Tansy...
Well, hey, don't take the canoe!
GEORGE: You can go ahead
and stop all that smiling, Mom, 'cause
you're not gonna like the way this ends.
And you know what, Mom,
seriously--
get another hobby.
I'm not planning on going back
to New York anytime soon.
Did I ask? No.
(crickets chirping)
AnnaBeth.
Hi.
Now, I just gave Oliver
an injection of Sumatriptan
for his migraines.
Now, it goes to work
in a couple of minutes,
but he's lying down for now.
And his... accent?
Well, we don't know yet,
but whatever happens,
the most important thing is
that I will finally have an article
in the Alabama Medical Review.
(laughs)
See how you like
Foreign Accent Syndrome,
Dr. O'Malley, and your
six-fingered twins.
Brick, I can't thank you enough
for helping him.
Oh... well, you're welcome.
(Brick chuckles)
LEMON:
Unbelievable!
Well, Lemon, what...?
Sneaking around like this!
How dare you!
We had to.
He didn't want anyone to
know about his condition.
What condition?
Well,
I can't tell you.
But, uh, you know,
with some luck, you'll be able
to read about it soon.
I don't want
to read about it;
I want to know how
you justify sleeping
with a girl half your age!
Half my... Oh.
Look-look,
I never meant for that to happen,
but just sometimes you develop
feelings for a person, and...
Not my best friend!
She's your best friend?
Well, yes!
Well, that is great! When did that happen?
(gasps)
Oh, my Lord.
She means me.
She what?
Oh, my Lord!
Lemon, this is insane!
On top of the fact
that I told you, I met this guy.
Yes, your "British fellow."
Except there are
no British men in BlueBell.
Do you think that I'm stupid?
There are so.
Where?
There he is right now.
(Southern accent):
Hello. I'm Oliver Kent.
Very pleased to meet you.
(exhales)
Well, he was British.
(stammering):
L-Lemon, just stop
all this.
It is not AnnaBeth that I'm seeing.
It is...
Shelby.
Oh, my Lord.
And... I was just about to tell you...
No.
No. Shelby. Of course.
(anxious laugh) Well...
I should be leaving now.
And, AnnaBeth, I am...
so sorry.
(clears throat) Daddy, please give
your girlfriend back her underwear.
And, Mr. Kent, it was...
lovely to meet you.
Well, she seemed very nice.
How about these miracle drugs, huh?
M-My headache
is gone.
I can't tell about the accent.
I'm still getting used to it, so...
I'm gonna have to take your word for it.
What do you say?
Still sexy?
Oh, yes!
Mm! You bet!
Good work!
(chuckles)
BRICK: Okay.
(cooing quietly)
Okay, you are...
not wrong about what you said in there.
I hate that expression.
It's lawyer talk.
"You're not wrong"
means neither are you.
(chuckling)
Fair enough, fair enough.
Okay, how about this?
The truth is, yes,
there is a chance
that there might always be
some type of... connection...
between Zoe Hart and me.
But my mom was absolutely right.
If we wanted to be together,
we could be.
I'm not, because...
I don't want to be.
I want to be with you.
Because I'm happy.
And you know what?
If I never end up with Zoe Hart...
I'm realizing that
would be completely fine.
(both laugh)
ZOE:
Wow.
Zoe, I...
No, it's...
it's okay.
I meant, wow...
me, too.
You know, I guess...
I just always thought,
in the back of my mind,
that I'd end up with George.
You know, that was the plan.
But as shocking
as it sounds, I'm actually
really happy with Wade.
WADE:
I can hear you!
(laughs)
(laughs softly)
Yeah.
I-I guess I always
just kind of...
saw us circling back towards each
other at some point, you know?
But...
Yeah.
But maybe we're just not
in the same orbit anymore.
We're headed for different planets.
Which is okay.
Well, then you're in luck, because...
Wade Kinsella is definitely
on a different planet.
WADE:
Yup, I can still hear you!
(laughs)
Well, all right, then.
I better go break the news to Mom.
She's gonna take it really hard.
(laughs)
(shouts):
How about us? We good?
WADE: Yup.
Just checking.
(birds chirping)
So when's the wedding?
Shut up, Harold.
Uh, just one.
Let me clear a table for you.
Morning, A.B.
Hi.
Heh. So, uh,
um, how is your friend, uh...
Oliver, is it?
Odd you should ask.
Seems you ran into him last night.
Well, i-it's... you know,
it's hard to say.
I meet a lot of people
in my line of work.
Well, he told me this funny story
about that accent of his,
and then Brick gave him
some medicine, and bang,
no more accent.
Huh. So a happy ending.
Mm. Then he left me
this message this morning.
OLIVER (British accent):
AnnaBeth, I just wanted to say
it was lovely to meet you,
and I do hope we can meet again someday,
but I must be moving on.
To somewhere that they
don't know me, I think.
At least not as anything
but jolly Oliver Kent
from "merrie olde England."
Thank you, though.
Now...
pip-pip, cheerio.
Bye, then, love.
So what, the medicine wore off?
Nope. Now he's faking it.
What for?
Because he could see it in my eyes.
I told him I'd feel the same, but...
he saw in my face the second
he started to talk and...
he was...
just like everyone else.
Hm.
Am I a terrible person, Lavon?
What? No, of course not.
I am so shallow.
No! Now, AnnaBeth Nass,
you are a good person.
Now, you just tried to help the guy.
He doesn't know himself, is all.
A lot of that going around.
But thanks for looking out for me.
Ah. Me, I think
you're better off.
Having to learn all those
English way of saying things...
Lift.
Petrol.
Quidditch.
(chuckles)
Who needs it?
(laughs)
No, you're right.
AnnaBeth?
Come on, I'll buy you a coffee.
Okay.
♪
(sighs) There they are.
Ready for lunch?
BRICK:
We are.
We are.
And, sweetheart, I am so tickled that
you came around to this so quickly.
To have this
out in the open!
Aw...
The two of you
with me just means the world.
Oh, Daddy, all I ever want
is for you to be happy.
- I'm sorry to both of you that
I was such a pill about it. - Oh. Well,
come on, let's go!
(laughs)
Uh, Lemon... me, too.
I am so really, really sorry
that I had to deceive you like that.
But I just think that we are gonna
become the very best of friends.
(laughs)
Yes, well, about that...
I don't know what your game is,
but don't get too comfortable,
because I'm gonna have you out of here and
back into the Panhandle within a week.
Let's eat.
(sighs)
♪
Hey, Wally, how much you figure a
bartender makes in New York City?
More than here, if that's
what you're getting at.
But a bartender in New York
City also lives in New Jersey.
Now, you ain't gonna
catch me in New Jersey.
I went to Newark one time,
saw a man wearing his pants like a hat.
You can have it.
Hey.
Oh. Hey.
Uh, I'm just wrapping up here.
You want to grab a bite to eat?
Yes. I will
get us a table.
All right.
(clears throat)
Oh.
(laughs) Hi.
Hi.
Hey. Um...
You know, we could just...
Hey, look, look, it's a small town
and it is what it is, so if we're
all gonna be in the same boat,
well, we might as well be
rowing in the same direction.
All right.
Well, all right, then.
Menus.
Tucker.
(sighs) (clears throat)
Hmm...
I read that, uh, Book of Mormon is
coming to Birmingham next month.
Maybe we all could go.
Really?
That actually sounds great...
No.
Not a chance.
Right.
Uh, we're good.
Yeah, whatever.
(laughter)
♪