Hart of Dixie (2011–2015): Season 2, Episode 11 - Old Alabama - full transcript

Did you have a thing for lemon breeland?
Yes, a long time ago.

But there's nothing between her
and me anymore. I love you!

Marry me?

We were in love once.

Lord help me, I still think I am.

I can't believe you had
the audacity to tell Ruby

she wasn't the love of my life!

I will never forgive you for this.

Oh!

Shelby?

Brick?!



Never speak of this.

Would you maybe consider
being my actual boyfriend?

I know that I am a handful, but...

Greetings. This is dash DeWitt
for the bluebell blawker.

It is exactly 250 years since
Cyrus lavinius Jeremiah Jones

and his wife Lucille's wagon broke down

on the side of this very road.

And as bluebell prepares to
go back in time to celebrate

our oldest couple,
all anybody seems to want

to talk about is our newest.

Hey, what are we even doing up?

Can't we just go back to bed?

You have to go to work,
and I have to go to work.

But I have tomorrow off.



And I have a great idea.
Hmm?

I was reading in the paper

that there's orange
picking up in fairhope.

And I thought we could go spend the day.

You know, bring a blanket and some wine.

Hmm, maybe we could pose
for a j.Crew catalog, too.

Please, please, please, please?

All right, look, I'll do it for you,

but we're bringing beer, not wine.

And I expect you to show me

some serious gratitude
afterward. Uh-huh.

Okay.
Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?

You know what?
It's a deal.

We'll have a good time, I promise.
All right.

People eat here, you know?

Ooh, my bad, man.
You know, it was her idea.

I am a stickler for the health code.

Do I look amused?
I got problems.

Southern living just called.

They're doing a story on pioneer days.

And why is that bad?
You've been wanting

I kinda dropped the ball on

my pioneer days responsibilities.

I got no one to play
the founding couple.

And delma, who's
supposed to cater first feast...

First feast?

Lucille and Cyrus cheered up
the settlers

with a big first feast.

It's right there in the name, Zoe.

Please, try and keep up.
Anyway, delma must have lost

her taste buds because the
mutton she brought over

for me to sample,
it tasted, well, like, mutton.

Look, lavon, I know you're
going through a rough time,

so Wade and I will do whatever
we can to help. I gotta go.

Oh, thank you.
You two are the best.

Anything for you, buddy.

You can pick up
your costumes this afternoon.

What? No, no.

We would be happy to play
the founding couple

if it helps you out.

Yeah, what she said.

I gotta go. Um, I left
your car at the car wash.

And thank you again for
the loan yesterday.

No problem.
I'll see you later?

Yeah. Oh, you might want
to avert your eyes.

I'm about to kiss
my woman good-bye.

So, all right, here we go.

Mm! Mm! Mm!

Oh, look out!

Mm! Dang!

There's that big dumb smile.

I'm sorry.

I hope this isn't making
you feel worse about Ruby.

I'm just so happy!

Good. I gotta say, I didn't see
you two panning out.

You drive each other so crazy.

Yeah, you'd be shocked.

Wade is like a different person.

How long you been together,

a month?
Mm-hmm.

A month in, everybody's
on their best behavior.

So what are you saying? This
happiness is just an illusion?

All I'm saying is that you are
dating Wade kinsella.

It's how you deal

with his true nature that's gonna make

or break your relationship.

I'll see you later, z.

I gotta go see a woman about mutton.

Okay. Well, great talk.

George Tucker...

General.

Rad!
You are so lucky!

Ah!

I never get to be anything cool.

Wanda Lewis, butter churner.

Tom long, blacksmith Adams!

Oh, look whose luck just changed!

Are you sure I can't keep my phone on?

I like to text with tom.

She's kidding! No phones!

Don't blow this for me.

Blacksmith, Wanda, blacksmith.

Let me show you your bellows.

Aw, sweet.

Annabeth, are you aware

that Southern living
is covering pioneer days?

Then I will definitely
renew my subscription.

I wasn't sure because...

No, annabeth, this
is our big opportunity.

Everyone knows that delma's
cooking is not up to snuff,

and, with the press coming,
there's no room

for second-rate
cuisine at first feast.

So we can cater it!

Shh!
Ooh!

That's a great idea!

But doesn't lavon still blame
you for Ruby dumping him?

Oh, I mean, it's been weeks.

I mean, surely he's over it, right?

You know, I'll just stop by his
house with some baked goods

and smooth everything over.
I'm so excited!

Okay!

Well, good luck with that!

Oh, hey, Zoe.

Hey, George.

How have you been?
How's tansy?

Uh, she's, she's at a
hair show in Orlando.

She, she says it's all
very honey boo boo?

I don't know what that even means.

You know, I...
She's, she's good.

We, we are good.

That's good.
Yeah.

And how about you and Wade?

Heard you made that official.

You know, I hope,

I hope that's not too weird for you.

Ah, no. You could take all
the single guys in bluebell

and throw 'em in one room.

You were bound to date someone I knew.

And you were bound
to date their ex-wife.

Touché.

Life in bluebell.

Sure.

George! George!

Uh, you know I gotta run.
I gotta go that way.

George!

It was great to see you, Zoe.

Lemon.

Mayor Hayes, hello!

I brought you some popovers.

A traditional food from the 1700s,

not to mention pretty darn delicious.
Uh-uh.

No. You and annabeth will not
be catering first feast.

But...
Good-bye, lemon.

Ooh, yeah, burgers sound great.

I do like that idea for dessert.

I'll see you later.

Wade, stop.

Bye.

So it's true.

You are dating Wade kinsella.

Honestly, I never saw that one coming.

And I never saw myself wearing
1763 couture, yet here we are.

Lavon has chosen
you and your new beau

to play our founding couple.

It's quite an honor, you know.

Uh, yeah, sure.
You can

use this for your research.

It's Lucille's diary.

I brought it,

hoping that someone else
would read it, and it would

touch her life like it has mine.

Dr. hart.

There you are.
Good news.

I found your car.

I... didn't realize
that it was lost.

Wade reported it missing yesterday.

Oops. I guess I let that cat
out of the bag.

I'll drop your car off later.

He lost it?

Okay. Well, maybe it was camouflaged

into the background.
Is it green?

It's silver.

Oh.

That's it.

Wade has gone back to being Wade.

Damn you, lavon!
Crickett,

thank you for the book.
I have to go kill a bartender.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa! Slow down.

How you handle this first crisis

will make or break
the rest of your relationship.

Why does everyone keep saying that?

I just follow the sage words of
Lucille lavinius Jeremiah Jones.

Lucille and Cyrus were happily married

for 62 years, and why is right
in that first chapter.

Instead of letting little
annoyances turn to anger,

Lucille turned them into

positivity.

And that worked?
It has for me.

Stanley and I haven't argued
for ten years.

But it's your choice.

You and Wade could spend your lives

shouting and fighting.
Or you could

stay in the honeymoon period forever.

Oh!

Look at that.

Your car's back.

Yeah.

Sheriff bill found it.

Look... I-I can explain,

okay? See-see, I just took it
for a quick little fishing trip

and then I, you know, had a beer or...

...Like, six.

And then I walked back
'cause I was being responsible,

right? But then I forgot,

uh, well... I...
Hey,

you know what?
I am sure

that you will be more careful
in the future.

Yeah.

While you're being so understanding...

maybe I should
open up the trunk.

You know...

This is a good excuse
to get my car detailed.

Hey, did you
remember those burgers?

I'm hungry.

Yeah. Yeah, m-me, too.

A-all right.

Fyi, you're out of shampoo.

That's impossible.
I just got some,

like, three days ago.
Yeah, well,

see, I ran out of detergent
over at my place,

and so I-I used it to
wash my sheets. What?

That was hand-harvested sea
kelp and lavender shampoo.

That I had shipped special.
From Paris.

Par avion!

Well, I...

I didn't...
I didn't know.

No biggie. You know, I can get
some of that generic stuff

they have at the Dixie stop.

Shampoo is shampoo.
And apparently

detergent, right?
Lesson learnt.

Uh, what...

What's going on here?

I-I lost your car, then I used
up all your froufrou shampoo.

Why aren't you throwing stuff at me?

Because then we would be a couple

that throws stuff at each other.

And that's not how I want us to be.

I am turning my negativity
into positivity.

Did you take one of those pamphlets

from Josie down at the bus depot?

'Cause all her positivity
came after a lost weekend on

Billy Ray Cyrus' tour bus.

I am following the doctrine of...

Lucille lavinius Jeremiah Jones.

Much better.
Yeah! You know,

we have already avoided two
fights following this theory.

Please-please do this with me.

So... if I screw up,

if I do something boneheaded again,

you're not gonna get mad at me?

Yep.

Well, who's gonna argue with that?

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

The new washtubs arrived just in
time for tomorrow's festivities.

Solid oak. Classy!

Well, I am writing a special
paper edition of the blawker

using a feather quill.

Hey, Dr. breeland,

did you get those leeches yet?
Oh, uh, yeah.

They're wriggling
around my office.

George! George, there you...
I've been looking for you.

Didn't you get my messages?

Uh, yeah, I did, and I
will... I will call you back,

but I got a client, and I got a...
Son, I'm sure you were

startled by what you saw
on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry. Did you...
Did you say "startled,"

or did you say "scarred"?

'Cause seeing you and shelby...
a woman half your age...

Shh. I know.

Who I happen to have dated...

I know, which is why I called.
I want to explain myself.

No. I don't... I don't need an explanation.
Sure, sure...

I mean, no, I don't. Sure you do.

I know we're not almost related
anymore, but we're friends.

Are we now? Because I'm not so sure...
Sure, which is why

I want to assure you,
it was a one-time thing.

Good. That's great.

That means we don't
have to talk about it

or think about it ever again, so...

which became
a two-night thing, and then, now

it's kind of an every nightly thing.

I so, so, so do not want to know this.

But you're the only one who does,

which is why you're the only one
who can offer me advice.

If you are a doctor,
why are you trying to kill me?

Shelby is my daughter's age!
What am I thinking?!

You're right, you're right.
I'm not thinking.

Because it's not my brain
that's making decisions here.

Okay, brick, listen, man, when
people say, "don't go there""

there is the there that
they're talking about.

Clearly I'm having a midlife crisis.

But all crises pass.

I will end this. Now.

So, thank you, son, for the advice.

See? Despite everything,
you are a good friend.

Oh, man, that's awesome.
Heck, yeah.

Cool. Oh, hey, baby. What's up? Hey.

Uh, this is meatball. He and I
used to play in a band together.

Oh, cool. It's good to meet you.

Hey. Nice.
Yeah?

Uh, listen, meatball
got the day off work,

so he and I were gonna go
get a couple of beers.

I might be home kind of late.

But we were supposed
to go orange picking today.

Orange picking?

Hey, quit laughing.

Baby, I am so sorry.
I totally forgot. I...

Well, I certainly don't want

to interfere with orange picking day.

You know what?

You guys... you should just go
do your thing.

No.

You really wanted to do this, and I'm...

Happy to go orange picking.

Don't be silly.

But meatball's already here.

We can go orange picking any day.

It's no biggie.

You two have fun.

So, knowing that we're looking

for a game-changer
publicity-wise,

I made an alphabetical list of ideas.

From advertising to ziplining

across town...

Annabeth, there is only one idea.

We are going to cater first feast.

Lemon.
Uh, uh, uh.

I know that lavon said no, but

I have a plan.

Wonderful.

Another plan!

Ah, Dr. hart.

Binge eating already.

Oh, I should have warned you.

The pressure can take its toll.

No kidding.

Lucille lavinius Jeremiah Jones
is gonna give me a stroke!

There, there. It's totally
normal to feel frustrated

when you first start
rechanneling your energy.

I burst blood vessels
in both my eyeballs,

looked like a demon.

You just need to find yourself
an outlet for that energy.

How am I supposed to do that?

Well, in the South,
we call them projects.

What are you talking bout?!

That roast beef was cooked
perfectly medium rare!

Well, delma, it's not
that it wasn't medium rare now.

It's just that it wasn't good,
which brings me to my point.

I don't want to hear
your point, mayor Hayes.

What I want to hear is where
you're gonna shove that roast.

You get somebody else
to cater this event.

I quit.

Well, you can't quit!

I'm trying to fire you!

Me?! You're the one who's
always trying to control things.

Because if I
left everything to you,

we'd be selling muffins
door-to-door.

Oh, at least we'd be selling muffins!

Everyone knows
that I am the real talent

in this relationship!

Your only talent is being
a pain in my backside.

Well, I don't
want to do this anymore.

This partnership is over!

Oh.

Hi there, mayor Hayes.

- Don't mind me.
- I'm just...

testing the limits of
my waterproof mascara.

Yup. There it is.

Good to know for the future.

I'm sorry. I couldn't help
but hear your fight.

I should have known better than

to trust my livelihood
to lemon breeland.

I guess I'll just have
to start my own business.

Though no one's gonna
hire me without her.

Well, that's not true.

As a matter of fact, it just so happens

I'm looking for a caterer

for first feast.

Wait. You mean... me?

Well, I know it's last
minute, but yeah. Really?

Oh, thank you, lavon.

I will make you proud.

Oh, I know you will, all right?

Now, no more tears,
okay? All right.

Hey, doc, thanks again
for the rain... check.

Don't mention it.

Wha... what is that?

Oh, this little thing?

In the South, we call them projects.

Huh.

Hear ye. Hear ye.

And now, the ceremonial turning off

of the electricity.

And now, the traditional adding

of the old-fashioned es and
extra ps on the town signage.

Enjoy yourself, all right?

So every time

Wade annoys you,
you're going to do a project?

Instead of, say, uh, telling him
what's bothering you

and giving him a chance to change?

No, you were right.

Wade went back to being Wade,

and this is how I'm going
to deal with it.

By quilting?
Uh-huh.

Yeah, that's-that's reasonable.

No! It's crazy!

Just give him a piece of your
mind and be done with it!

And how is that gonna end?

I yell at him all the time,
he yells back.

I won't do that.

Growing up, all my parents
ever did was argue.

I like Wade. I
want this to work.

I need this to work.

Uh.

What's that?

I found it in the kitchen,

used it to make my shopping list.

Why?

'Cause I asked Wade to take this
to the post office

this morning.

I think I'm gonna need a bigger project.

Candle making!

That's what I'm talking about.

Do you need some help?
Actually, with annabeth

catering the big event,
we are a bit short-staffed.

So we are having problems
with our wicks.

Really? Well, you know what

Lucille lavinius Jeremiah Jones
did when her wicks failed?

She added the wicks after the wax!

Exactly. Page 33.

How could I have forgotten?

Ooh, maybe when we're
done with this, we can do

some flower arranging.

♪ Ooh, garland!

I like the way you think,
Dr. hart.

Double time on the candles,

we can get to the garlands.

Ooh!
Right, girls?

Yeah, great idea.
I love it.

Okay.

Well, hello, doctor.

I didn't know I was due
for a checkup so soon, but...

Oh!

Uh, sorry.

It's a little pioneer medicine.

Oh, my God.

Look, shelby, uh...

You bluebellians are so cute.

Well, one in particular.

Got you a little gift.

Oh. Well...

Let's see.

Oh.

It's blue to match your eyes.

What's the matter?
You don't like it?

No, I do. I do like it, but...

Shelby, look, we need to talk.

I get it.

You are the respected town doctor, and

you can't have
people talking, and as much fun

as we're having, this is gonna
have to come to an end.

It's a shame because I got
all this new lingerie,

and I wanted to surprise you,

but... well...

Good-bye, brick.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa.
Hey, uh,

who said anything
about... about this ending?

What do I care... about
what people think?

I'm an adult,

and we are having an adult relationship,

so if I want to do this...

I damn well will!

Well, good.

Are you sure you told the cooks

to follow my recipes to a tee?
Yes, lemon.

You know, they're all wondering
what you're doing here.

Well, just keep trying to kick me out.

Lemon breeland,

never show your horrible,
ugly, disgusting face

near me again.

You're like one of those hobbit trolls!

Maybe just, like,
tone it down a little bit.

I am just very uncomfortable with this.

Can't we just stage our makeup now?

No, honey. We cannot tell lavon
that we didn't really break up

until after we do the interview
with Southern living magazine.

After that, it'll be too
late for him to fire us.

Lemon?

What are you doing here?

What... what do you think
she's doing here?

Offering me unwelcome tips
on how to plate my vegetables.

I am sorry for intruding, but I thought

that it was my duty as a citizen
to offer my skills.

You know what?
That's very kind of you, lemon.

And if you're serious
about offering your skills,

I think I have
the perfect assignment for you.

You do?

Yeah, grog wench.

Huh. Grog what?

Yeah, you can tend to the drinks,

make sure everyone's cup is full
at the feast all night long.

You'll be too busy to offer
unsolicited advice.

Sound good?

Sounds great.

So, how was your night out?

Oh, man, it was great.

Meatball got so hammered,

he was making out with
the hood of his car.

It was hilarious.

You know what I did last night?
What's that?

Watched this old
frontier house show on pbs...

all 12 hours.

Wife's idea to help us get
into character for today.

You're the luckiest man
alive, Wade, you know that?

Yeah, well, kind of not really.

Zoe... Zoe's been acting
real weird lately.

She... she's all wound up.

She's got all these little projects.

To be honest with you,

she's acting like someone else entirely.

Come on, ladies,

chop-chop.

Do not let that hit the ground.

I am looking at you, Leigh Ann.

Hey, sweetie.

Pick up the pace!

I think the name you're
looking for is lemon breeland.

Oh, this is not good.

Whoa, don't off yourself yet,
general, I need some help.

Why am I suddenly this entire
town's personal Dr. Phil?

Look,

Zoe read some belle
relationship manifesto

and she's burying herself in projects.

All right, she's being
way too nice to me,

and I tried to talk to her
about it this morning,

and she just kept quilting.

Ah, yes, I am entirely too familiar

with the diary of Lucille
lavinius Jeremiah Jones

and the particular insanity of those

that would ask themselves
w.W.L.L.J.J.D.?

I figured, so what do I do? Well,

the way I see it, women
are like volcanoes.

They need to have
constant mini eruptions

to let off some of that pressure,

or you're going to get
hit with a giant one,

like a huge one, like
a fricking Pompeii,

like your fiancée
sleeping with the mayor.

Well, that's kind of
what I was afraid of.

Well, then, for both your sakes,

you got to figure out a way to
have Zoe have a mini eruption.

Well, how would I do that exactly?

You're Wade kinsella.

I'm pretty sure you know
how to piss off a girl.

Yeah, right.

All the decor is true to the time.

The oil lamps, the pewter plates,

the silverware are all
historically accurate.

Stunning,

and this food... sublime.

She's the best
caterer in bluebell.

Oh, hush.

So, why don't you tell me all about

how you got started
in the catering business?

I'm dying to share with my readers.

Uh, mayor Hayes, don't you have

some pioneer days business to attend to?

I'm sure that annabeth
can handle this on her own.

No, I'm good.

You, however, have some
cider that needs pressing.

Thanks, grog wench.

Oh, my,

this quail is rapturous.

Spit roasted,

a hint of thyme,

and a little lemon for balance, no?

Oh!
No, ma'am.

There is no lemon in that at all.

Mmm.

Hey.

Okay, now that I've read her diary,

I feel like I have true insight

into Lucille lavinius
Jeremiah Jones' soul.

I am so excited to play her tonight.

Ooh, what is that smell?

Oh, well, I decided
to stop showering...

you know, stay in character...

and then Cody wanted me

to help him clean out his horse stall.

Why, does it, does it bug you?

No, doesn't bug me at all.

It's the smell of nature.

Great, 'cause, you know, I'm
kind of starting to enjoy it.

I'm thinking I might keep
it up even after tomorrow.

Okay.

Along with my new beard.

Ooh.
Yeah.

Originally I had been thinking

something bushier... kind of
zz top, Robert e. Lee...

but now I'm thinking I might keep it

kind of short and scratchy.

I think that is perfect...
a human loofah.

You're the best.

Guys, hey, everybody,

isn't my girlfriend great?

Stop.
I mean, kind, generous,

beautiful, and, I mean,

a firecracker in the sack.

Wade, I'm the town doctor.

You can't just...

Hey, I suppose, though,
it's beneficial for the people

to know that I have a healthy sex life.

Super healthy.

We all should.

She's like the mayor of poundtown,

and city hall is open all day,

every day.

Oh, hey, brick.

I couldn't do it.

Oh, God, I thought that we
were done talking about this.

I-I'd really like to be
done talking about this.

She must be some kind of siren.

You know, I was all set
to, to break up with her,

and then she said
"lingerie."

Somehow I ended up fighting
for us to stay together.

Yeah, brick, see, breaking
up with shelby can be...

A-a difficult business.

Yeah, and I even agreed
to sneak out with her tonight

when everyone's at first feast.

I am powerless
against this woman's charms.

George, you, you got to help me.

No, no, no, brick, I-I'd really
rather not get in the middle

of all this. George, George,
you are my only hope.

Brick, you ever hear of
a compliment sandwich?

We're gonna be late for the feast.

Why did we have to come back here first?

I forgot my hat, and, anyway,
lavon's picking us up here.

Oh.

Looks like I forgot to put

the donuts away this morning.

Sorry, babe.

You, uh, you mad?

No.

Just a little bit?

Oh,

look at that.

Lou... bou... tins.

Those

expensive or...?

No.

Yes.

Why are you trying to provoke me?

Because I can't handle
this whole crazy, new,

hold-everything-
inside routine, okay?

You said that you were on board.

I tried, and then you
turned into lemon breeland.

Look, if I have
to lay a raccoon trap

to try and get a rise out of you,

something is seriously wrong.

Okay, you need to get mad,

Zoe, 'cause, if you don't,
you're going to explode.

I don't know how or when,
but it ain't gonna be pretty.

I will not get mad
for one reason... because I care.

You two okay?

The carriage is waiting
to take us to the feast.

We could not be better.

Yeah, we are going to go
to the feast and we are gonna be

the best damn founding couple

this town has ever seen.

Come on, Wade, chop-chop.

So, just to be clear, you got that girl

all set to blow
when Southern living is here

and you two are our featured performers?

That... pretty
much sums 'er up.

This looks perfect.

We're going to have
the best night of our life.

Grog wench, fetch me some grog.

Please, a-at your leisure.

Okay, doc, this dinner
is a big deal for lavon,

so let's just try and relax, have fun.

I am relaxed.

Great, and I admit
it... you were right.

You know, provoking you,
ruining your shoe...

it was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

You know, maybe we should just
steer clear of each other

until the big speech, keep it fresh.

Yet another great idea.

All right, see you later.

Sorry.

This may be the best roast beef
I've ever had.

It tastes like shoe leather to me.

Oh, delma, you have lost
your taste buds.

Annabeth's cooking is a force of nature.

Grog wench.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to first feast.

Thank you all
for your contributions

these last few days.

I know it's a lot in this millennium,

asking people to live
off the grid, even for 48 hours.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, okay, on my way.

Uh, I-I'm sorry
about that, folks,

but a-a-a doctor has
always got to be on call.

Uh, two minutes.

Ah, Roger that, yeah.
Yeah.

I want to extend
a special thanks to annabeth

from annabeth's catering.
Ab, please stand.

Thank you for all
your hard work you've done,

all by yourself,

to make this event possible.

Now, I know it couldn't have been easy,

but you made it look effortless.

Let's raise our glasses
to our ancestors.

Oh, and if your glasses are empty,

call for your grog wench.

Grog wench!

Grog wench.

Hey, psst.

Hey... cutie pie.
Hey.

What is that, ye olde Bluetooth?

Oh, just in case I get paged.

Okay.

You want to get naked in the gazebo?

Come on.

All right, the thing is,
you are so dynamic...

Oh, shelby, I would, I
would love to do that.

You are so dynamic.

Uh, but... y-you are
so dynamic an-and...

Intelligent.
...lntelligent

and so awesome
I-in every way,

an.. I am... I'm just
not ready for this,

and my goodness...

She deserves better.

Someone like you...
Deserves better.

Oh... my God.

Did you just give me
the compliment sandwich?

Where is he?

Where... is he?

George Tucker, get your butt out here!

What is going on here?

Are you dumping me again?

Shelby, I, I am so...

I apologize.

Why, why, why is that woman
always hitting me?

My mother baked
for every occasion.

If I was sad, it was sweet potato pie.

If I got a good grade,
it was banana pudding.

Oh, I loved...

Annabeth, I got your flowers.

Apology accepted.

Oh!

How wonderful.

Um, I guess this means
we're back together!

Yay!

Claudia, I would like to introduce you

to my business partner, lemon breeland.

It's a pleasure.

Now that all this unpleasantness
is settled,

I would like to tell you
a little bit about our event.

First of all, we found
archived cookbooks...

I'm sorry.

I don't understand how you could be

responsible for this dinner
if the two of you were broken up

during its entire preparation.

Oh, well, you see,
there's a lot of things

that went on behind the scenes
that you wouldn't...

It's a great event.

I understand why you'd want
to take credit for it.

So you were saying,
about the sweet potato pie?

Uh, mm-hmm.

It's one of my favorites, too.

So, the reporter didn't buy
your miraculous reunion.

You knew?

Of course I knew.

I can smell your schemes a mile away.

I only had to scheme because
you wouldn't let me help you.

Lavon, we both needed each
other, but you were too busy

being a stubborn ass to put
your anger away for one night.

I have a right to be angry.

Lemon, I loved you.

And you broke my heart.

And now, thanks to you,
it's broken all over again.

Lavon, I didn't mean to tell
Ruby the truth about us.

It was an accident;
I was drunk.

There are no real accidents,
lemon, you know that.

But just...

Why couldn't you have
let me be happy with her?

Be...

I guess I just...
I wanted to punish her

for the way that she treated me
in High School.

That's what I thought.

Just stay out of my way for now.

And now comes the
time in which we hear

from our great fore-parents!

Hey, beautiful.

Ready for our big moment?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, you guys.

Meatball, why are you here?

Why wouldn't I be?

Free food, free grog.

Lots of it.

You are the best.

Thanks so much for letting me
and Wade go to the foxx trap

the other night.

The foxx trap?

Isn't that a strip club?

I can explain.

Mr. and Mrs. Cyrus lavinius

Jeremiah Jones will now
expound on the nature of life,

wedlock and love.

Give it up for the joneses!

Relationships are hard.

Especially when you are married to a man

who doesn't shower
and hangs out in horse stalls.

A man who lets a raccoon
eat your very, very,

very expensive wooden shoes

just to prove a point.

A man who borrows things,
like your... buggy,

and then loses it
after drinking too much...

Spirits.

A man who conveniently forgets about

your romantic orange picking
plans when his buddy shows up.

Who, on top of it,

lies to you when said buddy
takes him to a strip club!

That's right, a strip club!

They had strip clubs back then?

Yeah, Wanda. Strip clubs
go back to the Bible.

Uh, luckily...

My wife is very understanding.

She understands,

for example, that I was just
going to get a beer.

'Cause it was two-for-one
at the foxx... trap.

A person can only give
so much understanding.

How can I be in a relationship
with someone so immature?

You need a babysitter!

No. No.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm immature?

You're the one taking
relationship advice

from a 200-year-old
dead woman.

Who was helpful!
It was working!

It-it's ridiculous,
all right?!

You can't avoid arguing!

Well, we aren't
avoiding it now, are we?!

No, ma'am!

W-where are you...?
Where are you...?

Uh, and that was pioneer life.

Hey.

No one ever said

a 60-year relationship
would be easy, right?

To bluebell!

To bluebell.

To bluebell!

Well, that was very,
very... brave, mayor.

An honest

historical representation
of a real relationship.

Well done.

Kudos!

Hey.

Congratulations.

We fought in front of the whole town.

My methods may not have been the best,

but I was right.

You can't just keep all
your feelings locked up inside.

I just don't want to end up
like my parents.

Whoa, whoa.

I've just never had a
real relationship, Wade.

I don't know how to do this.

Me neither.

You know, sometimes
you just got to wing it.

But we... we are not
your parents, all right?

We're us.

And, yeah, we're gonna drive
each other crazy sometimes.

But you got to remember, that's part of

what brought us together
in the first place.

But that means we are
always gonna fight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so what?

You know, we speak our minds.

We say what we feel.

Is that, is that so bad?

I think you might want
to read the last page.

Come on, forget about lavon.

Who cares if he's mad at you?

You've got Walt
and we've got our business.

Yeah, which isn't getting
mentioned in Southern living.

Whole thing's just a disaster.

Lemon breeland, that meal
last night was fantastic.

What?

How did you know?

Your signature quail.

I was thinking maybe I could

book you and annabeth to
do my anniversary dinner.

That would be amazing!

Yes!

That's great.

Yes!

Crickett, hey, I, uh,
wanted to return this.

I couldn't help but notice
your little squabble with Wade.

I'm sorry, honey,

I guess the advice
doesn't work for everyone.

Actually, the advice
doesn't work for anyone.

The epilogue, where Lucille confides,

after 60 years of
conflict-free marriage,

she loses it over a broken wagon wheel,

and realized that her whole

avoiding anger theory was
a bunch of horse crap.

Ooh, I guess you didn't read that far.

No.

It's in old English;
It's kind of hard to read.

Can we not tell anybody
about this, Zoe hart?

Thank you.

Brick, you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Look, we don't have to talk about it.

I'm sorry I dragged you
into this to begin with.

It's too late for that.

I am, inexplicably, involved.

So...

Lay it on me.

You know, the thing is, I mean,

yeah, maybe shelby was a midlife crisis.

But, damn it,
she made me feel more alive

than I've felt in 13 years.

I mean, I just didn't know
what was around every corner,

and I liked that.

And now...

You know what, brick?

A lot of people in this town,

they try and live life by the book.

And it hasn't quite worked
out so well for them.

So you know what I say, man?

If you want to be with
shelby, then screw it,

be with shelby.

Yeah.

Damn it, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go call her right now.

Good for you.

Oh. And you know what?

Maybe I should tell
my girls about us, too.

Oh, no. No, you don't
want to do that.

That's a terrible idea.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

All right, good luck.

Hey, um...
Yeah?

Is there any chance maybe

you want to play
a round of golf sometime soon?

For old time's sake?

You know what? Yes.

I would love to do that, brick.

That sounds great.

Oh, man!

Again?

Look, I'm just saying,
it's disgusting, okay?

It looks like cousin itt
died in the shower drain.

Hey, at least I shower.

Yeah, for, like, 45 minutes,

so there's no hot water for anyone else.

You know, you do have your own bathroom.

Uh, yeah, where I'm currently
storing a gigantic bookshelf

that somebody else promised
they were gonna return.

You remember that?

All right, point taken.

Is that my, is that my shaving cream?

Oh, I can't use your stuff?

Oh, no, you're welcome to do it.

I'm just saying, but
that's gonna happen. Oh!

You did not just do that!
Truth of the matter is,

it actually looks good on you.
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

Oh, my, my, my.

Little lightning hands on you.

Oh, give it to me, baby.

Look at that. Bam!

Then that happens.
Then that happens.

Then that happens.