Harley Quinn (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - New Gotham - full transcript
Harley discovers that anarchy isn't all it's cracked up to be.
My fellow Americans,
it's been decades
since Gotham City
once exemplified
American prosperity.
But one week ago,
it hit the point of no return
when the Joker seized control
and instituted martial law.
Last night,
his base of operations,
the Joker Tower,
came crashing to the ground,
triggering an 8.6 earthquake
that leveled the city.
Sadly, Gotham is beyond saving.
So it is with a heavy heart
that I hereby declare
that Gotham City
is no longer part
of the United States.
It is civitas non grata.
God bless the
United States of America,
and God help Gotham City.
Fuck yeah!
Honk honk, motherfuckers!
Home, sweet home.
Good job,
my little baby drivers.
I got a treat for ya.
Now, Bud and Lou,
don't you fight.
There's one for each of ya.
And for my big babies,
I brought dinner!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Those beasts get steak
and we gotta eat this guy?
Are we living
in a mall or a zoo?
I like to think of it
as both now.
No, we're not eating him.
This is Takashi,
a sushi chef.
He's got a Michelin star!
I gotta admit,
I was excited
to eat a person,
especially since
I already had sushi,
but I guess it's fine.
Come here!
Takashi, would it be gauche
to ask for a spider roll,
or are you strictly omakase?
Ive, are you not jazzed
about sushi?
No, no. I mean,
I like Takashi's hand rolls
as much as the next gal,
but don't you think it's time
to kinda like
wrap up this party up?
You know, it's been three weeks
since you
took down Joker.
There's no Legion of Doom.
No Batman.
Gotham is yours
for the taking.
I am having a blast!
This is what
I've always wanted, Ive.
Anarchy and sushi!
Yeah, I mean, you definitely
could've had better sushi
when Gotham had refrigeration
and free trade with
the rest of America, but...
Is this a bird?
Trust me. Seriously,
you're gonna be
kicking yourself
if you don't take charge.
Ive, the best part of living
in an apocalyptic wasteland
is no one's in charge.
Whoo!
It's chaos, baby!
It's like 'Nam
after the U.S. pulled out.
I don't think
it's exactly like that.
But it is pretty awesome.
Hey! You're on Penguin turf.
Get the hell outta here.
The hell ya talking 'bout?
Penguin called
dibs on the mall.
Uh, we've been chilling
at the mall for, like, ever!
And dibs?
There's no dibs.
The city's in ruins, idiot.
It's a post-dibs world.
Nobody owns nothing.
Except for me!
I own this mall.
It's chaos, baby!
It's like 'Nam
after the U.S. pulled out.
Stop, stop, stop!
No flashbacks.
So you go back
to the Penguin
and tell him to go
screw himself.
Hey, Takashi.
Can you incorporate
this into a rainbow roll?
Light on the rice.
I'm watching my figure.
Harley, this is what's
going to happen
if you don't take control.
Every one of these assholes
has an army of goons
that they're just
gonna keep sending
until they take over the city.
I think you may be
catastrophizing.
Hey! You're on Two-Face's turf.
Don't make that face at me.
Fine, I'll deal with it.
Listen up, goons!
Excuse me,
I identify as a hench.
Listen up, goons and henches,
the world we know has ended.
The Justice League is kaput,
the Legion of Doom is doomed,
and Joker's had his last laugh.
This is our chance
to even the playing field.
You! Who do you work for?
The Riddler. Obviously.
Seriously?
Two-Face. Come on.
But why?
What have those assholes
ever done for you?
Joker treated me like shit,
until I decided
I'd had enough
and took him down.
And look at me now.
It is time to rise up!
Everyone should be
their own villain.
Don't work for the Penguin,
be the Penguin.
Over here, the hench...
I've got a two part
question for ya.
Are you saying
we should become
the Penguin,
or that we should do
stuff like him?
Up to you, goo...
...hench.
This is New Gotham.
The power isn't held
by the few,
it's up for grabs.
So everyone
should go get some.
Everybody on the floor!
No, yous get on the floor.
Phil, the fuck is going on?
Hi. Hey, I'm Steven,
I'm the shift manager.
Uh, are we being robbed,
or are you?
Plus also, the bank
was just robbed
15 minutes ago
by someone who said
he was, quote,
"Penguin like."
Two-Face double crossed
by his own goo--
Citizens of New Gotham,
riddle me this...
Citizens of New Gotham...
Craig? What the hell
are you doing?
Who is this Craig
you speak of?
I am the Inquizitor-or-or--
Craig, get off the air!
Here's a quizzy quiz.
Who's not my boss anymore?
You!
We're cutting in live
from Penguin's casino
and looks like
I'm the big winner today.
Come and get it,
New Gotham!
Are we all here?
We're missing one.
Your door is inoperable.
It's a pull!
Uh... My bad.
-This guy...
-Gentlemen,
thank you for coming.
Let me cut to the chase.
Harley Quinn's
goon rebellion
- ...is destroying
our way of life.
Stupid coffee machine!
It's impossible to figure out!
We need goons!
Well... well, I loosened it up.
Can I ask you
a serious question?
Why are you so stupid?
Incredibly, Bane is right.
Not about the coffee maker,
but we need goons!
Now they all think they're us.
If everyone's a villain,
then no one is.
And we need to
get them back in line.
We need structure.
Right fellas?
We can't run
organized crime...
Uh... I'm not
in organized crime.
I'm actually trying
to find a cure
for my wife's
terminal illness.
And how are you
funding that?
Uh. Through organized crime.
Exactly...
which we can't do with Harley
leading this insurrection!
We need to get her on board
and get our goons back!
Uh... one note,
one small note.
Maybe we should have
invited her to this?
-What?
-Shut it, Bane.
Come on, come on.
I know you're out there, buddy.
Robin?
No! This is the Bat-Signal,
not the Robin-Signal.
Get out of here!
Shoo, shoo!
Will you stop shooing me!
Batman is missing.
What?
He was in the
Joker Tower when it fell...
And I haven't
heard from him since.
Oh, my God!
Did you try texting him?
Of course I tried texting him.
What am I, 40?
Course! Could...
you share that
contact info with me?
Yeah.
He wouldn't like that.
Plus that would mean
you have my info, too.
C'mon!
The city's falling apart!
-We need Batman, damn it!
-Whoa, whoa...
He's gone.
Which is why I'm here.
'Cause I'm ready
to take up the mantle.
I'm Batman.
Ow! That's thick plastic!
Slipped.
Can you just toss that back?
There's a little left in it.
Where are you, Batman?
Oh, come on. Let me pet you!
I want to teach you love.
Hey Takashi,
you're gonna freak!
I got the last
fresh ginger in Gotham
just like you asked!
Ginger!
Hip, hip, hooray!
Holy shit!
It's about time,
what took you so long?
Hey, you know,
it's pretty rough
out there, okay?
I had to fight five new
question-based villains.
Uh...
Harley, a word.
Is it "congratulations"?
I stopped all the villains
by liberating the goons.
Harls, this was your chance
to control the city,
but now instead of like
five big assholes
trying to run Gotham,
we've got a thousand
little assholes
to deal with.
Ugh, you worry too much, Ive.
Um...
You know, I think I'm worrying
like the perfect amount,
to be honest.
Thanks, Lou.
What'd ya bring me?
"Harley Quinn,
you are cordially invited
to attend the inaugural meeting
of the Injustice League."
What is the
Injustice League?
I believe it is a play
on "Justice League."
Boy, will they have
a juicy lawsuit on their hands.
Wonder woman
is very litigious. Trust me.
This is bullshit.
The city's
supposed to be chaos!
You know, I'm trying to be
less of a know-it-all,
so I'm just gonna go read.
I can't,
it's killing me,
I told you so! Okay,
Whoo!
Now I'm going to go read.
Hey motherfuckers.
Look at that,
gang's all here.
Freeze, been a minute.
Bane, good to see you
on your feet
after the Legion went boom.
Luckily I was away,
dog sitting for my Aunt
Linda's girlfriend.
We're very supportive.
Aw, that's nice.
So, what's the deal?
You guys get invites to this
Injustice League dealio too?
Actually, Harley...
Tada!
Wait, wait. You guys
are the Injustice League?
We had time
to get a banner made,
but not enough
to find one more
executive chair?
Oh, again with the
swivel chair.
Your recklessness
forced us to band together
to restore order
in the criminal underworld.
There's gotta be a hierarchy.
Exactly!
It goes supervillains,
sidekicks,
goons that went to Harvard,
and then goons.
Okay. That's just
the same old shit.
I mean. This is a chance
to do something new.
Much gratitude
for the segue.
Feast your eyes on new...
New Gotham.
Hmm?
Not. Interested.
Whoa. Hey!
Where did this
map come from?
I'm still on a
goddamn folding chair.
Jesus, Bane.
we all thought
it would be funny
if we gave you
a folding chair...
...and we were right!
Oh, I see your joke now.
Your...
jest will be avenged.
Anyway...
we've divided up Gotham.
Each of us
will control a territory
where we make our own rules.
Which you could have seen
if we still had the map.
Guess which part
was gonna yours?
Hint, the bad part.
I took out Joker,
so I make the rules.
And this shit won't fly.
-It ain't happening.
-Told ya.
Ivy, are you there?
Can you hear me?
Where am I?
Riddle me this...
Who's the biggest fool of all?
You! For wasting
your only chance
to rule Gotham.
If you'd just played the game,
you wouldn't have
ended up like this.
You did this to yourself.
You'll never be one of us.
You're just a sad,
pathetic clown.
We're getting
destroyed out there, men!
And Cheryl.
I know it seems like
the bad guys have won,
but I'm here to tell you
they haven't.
Batman's still out there.
Somewhere.
I know things seem bleak.
We're being hunted
by villains and citizens alike.
No food, no power.
I mean, my God, there's only
coconut flavored sparkling
water in the vending machines.
Oh, Cheryl!
I kind of like it.
America may have turned
its back on us,
and chaos fills the streets...
we're still Gotham's finest.
We have a job to do, and
God damn it, we're gonna do it!
Now you get out there
and you take back your town...
Our town--
I'm taking over
this police department.
Like cheeseballs you are!
You don't have the authority!
Anyone else
itching to get shot
in their privates?
Hey... guys...
All right, Gordon,
I'm a fair guy.
Heads you live
and we'll call it
time served.
Tails and we'll--
You won't
get away with this, Dent.
I already have.
Give my love to Barb.
I'll be back.
And I'm bringing
the Batman with me!
Ugh. Jesus Christ, coconut.
Bah, bah, bah!
Come on and get me,
you crazy fucks!
Ben? And Cheryl?
On your knees, Jimbo!
The hell do you think you're...
Why would you do this?
You're cops.
There ain't no cops
no more, old man.
We're Bane boys now.
Things change quick
on these mean streets.
Let's jet!
You're a damn good...
...nothing.
Hey, Mr. Penguin!
Good to see you, Mr. Penguin!
How ya doing tonight,
Mr. Penguin?
Fine, fine.
Hey. Sex upstairs later?
Oh. It's good to be
the Penguin.
Mr. Penguin,
good to see yo--
Okay, that's too many people
saying hello to me.
It feels disingenuous.
Ahhh...
I actually meant it...
Why so blue, Harley?
It's a party for Christ's sake!
Monsieur Penguin,
uh, what can I get for you?
Where's Jeffrey?
You kil... killed him?
Oh, that does sound like me.
Would you like
some champagne?
To celebrate
your taking back the city?
Perhaps make a little toast
to your magnificent self?
Mmm, why not!
The bird has taken the worm.
- Tweet, tweet.
- Tweet, tweet.
- I'm here.
- And?
And I'm not saying
"tweet, tweet."
She said it!
But one birdie left...
Tweet, tweet, baby.
We're ready.
Let's hatch this egg.
Ladies and gentlemen!
We're killing it.
We put down
the goon rebellion
and they're thanking us for it.
We carved up the city
and they're
thanking us for it.
Sy, smoke, smoke!
Right! On it.
So I'd just like to
raise a glass and...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
You back there, sit down.
I'm talking.
Stall Sy, stall.
- As I was saying...
- Eh... Uh...
Hey, excuse me!
-We got a birthday boy tonight.
-What?
And a one... And a two.
Okay Psycho, nice and easy.
Easy! Careful. Careful!
Can I call you Penguin?
All right guys, let's go.
It's not my birthday.
I said it's not my birthday.
And can we lighten up
on the damn smoke?
As I was saying...
thanks to me,
and of course
everyone's favorite
ice sculpture,
Harley Quinn.
Stop them!
All right, we gotta make
this extraction
as gentle as possible.
Okay. We can't rattle her
because her life
is in the balance, okay.
Ahhh!
Look what you made me do.
Okay, this is not a good start.
Oh, hey, Ive.
Harls! Hi. You okay?
How are you feeling?
Get me
the fuck outta this!
Everybody stand back!
Hit it, Sy.
Have at me!
Somebody free my swinging arm!
Fire finger, flame begin!
Ha!
Sweep the leg Johnny!
Harley...
I always thought
you were a sidekick.
A goon with a name.
But I was wrong.
Asshole.
You're a mistake.
A mutation.
Thankfully,
nature has graced us
with a solution
to the Harley Quinn problem,
survival of the fittest.
My beautiful nose!
Without your bat,
you're just a
defrosted gymnast!
Eat grenades, Harley!
Take that!
I knew we should have
killed you from the start...
Yeah, you really blew it.
Over here.
No stupid, over here!
Oh, sorry you missed me,
fucking idiot.
Over here.
No. Oops!
No. Wrong way.
Oh, you're so fucking stupid.
Hey Harley, are you--
Ooh, yikes.
It's about to get
way more "yikes."
Ahhh!
Yeah, that was definitely
more "yikes."
Can we go get coffee?
Oh. Uh...
I let the emotions get
the best of me earlier.
This is a minor setback.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Go to your brother's house,
get his old scuba gear,
we fish my badge
out of Gotham Harbor.
Then, this right here...
the new GCPD headquarters.
That's right.
I'm still commissioner.
I'll start a new department.
I can deputize you
right now, Barbara.
We'll clean up
this city together...
husband and wife cops.
An unbreakable bond.
I want a divorce.
It's all hopeless.
Where are you, Batman?
They put me on ice
and an hour later
the goons crawl back
to the bosses?
Harley, this might
come as a shock to you,
so I wanna... I want to say it
as delicately as I can--
You've been iced
for two months!
-Two months?
-Nice work, Clay.
Um... Well, we've been
we've been trying
to break you out
the whole time.
And hell, I got shot twice.
I never got shot,
but I did put a lot of
personal projects aside
trying to save you.
I never realized
how much we relied
on your leadership before.
I mean, I don't want to say
things were a disaster
in your absence,
but they weren't
not a disaster.
In fact, things got so dire
we finally got
desperate enough
to try the talking block
of mud's stupid plan.
Which was a rousing success!
Thank you very much.
You see,
usually penguin only hires
the most distinguished waiters.
Which is why
I had to develop
my Francois character.
He was born...
to a scullery maid--
Okay, thank you!
So, in the last two months,
did I miss anything
other than Clayface's
long-winded backstories?
Harley, just come with me.
So after the goons
fell back in line,
the Injustice League
carved up the city.
They call it new New Gotham.
Which is...
I mean, I can't even...
If you just played the game
you wouldn't have
ended up like this.
You did this to yourself.
Who's the biggest fool of all?
You!
You were right all along, Ive.
I shoulda taken control
from the start.
Riddler, Two-Face,
Freeze, Bane.
I'm taking 'em all down.
And when I'm done,
Gotham is gonna be...
mine!
Cool.
Yeah.
We pulled him from the Joker Tower rubble months ago.
He's been in a coma ever since.
The swelling
should've gone down.
Let me just...
Oh, my God.
It's... Bruce Wayne.
it's been decades
since Gotham City
once exemplified
American prosperity.
But one week ago,
it hit the point of no return
when the Joker seized control
and instituted martial law.
Last night,
his base of operations,
the Joker Tower,
came crashing to the ground,
triggering an 8.6 earthquake
that leveled the city.
Sadly, Gotham is beyond saving.
So it is with a heavy heart
that I hereby declare
that Gotham City
is no longer part
of the United States.
It is civitas non grata.
God bless the
United States of America,
and God help Gotham City.
Fuck yeah!
Honk honk, motherfuckers!
Home, sweet home.
Good job,
my little baby drivers.
I got a treat for ya.
Now, Bud and Lou,
don't you fight.
There's one for each of ya.
And for my big babies,
I brought dinner!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Those beasts get steak
and we gotta eat this guy?
Are we living
in a mall or a zoo?
I like to think of it
as both now.
No, we're not eating him.
This is Takashi,
a sushi chef.
He's got a Michelin star!
I gotta admit,
I was excited
to eat a person,
especially since
I already had sushi,
but I guess it's fine.
Come here!
Takashi, would it be gauche
to ask for a spider roll,
or are you strictly omakase?
Ive, are you not jazzed
about sushi?
No, no. I mean,
I like Takashi's hand rolls
as much as the next gal,
but don't you think it's time
to kinda like
wrap up this party up?
You know, it's been three weeks
since you
took down Joker.
There's no Legion of Doom.
No Batman.
Gotham is yours
for the taking.
I am having a blast!
This is what
I've always wanted, Ive.
Anarchy and sushi!
Yeah, I mean, you definitely
could've had better sushi
when Gotham had refrigeration
and free trade with
the rest of America, but...
Is this a bird?
Trust me. Seriously,
you're gonna be
kicking yourself
if you don't take charge.
Ive, the best part of living
in an apocalyptic wasteland
is no one's in charge.
Whoo!
It's chaos, baby!
It's like 'Nam
after the U.S. pulled out.
I don't think
it's exactly like that.
But it is pretty awesome.
Hey! You're on Penguin turf.
Get the hell outta here.
The hell ya talking 'bout?
Penguin called
dibs on the mall.
Uh, we've been chilling
at the mall for, like, ever!
And dibs?
There's no dibs.
The city's in ruins, idiot.
It's a post-dibs world.
Nobody owns nothing.
Except for me!
I own this mall.
It's chaos, baby!
It's like 'Nam
after the U.S. pulled out.
Stop, stop, stop!
No flashbacks.
So you go back
to the Penguin
and tell him to go
screw himself.
Hey, Takashi.
Can you incorporate
this into a rainbow roll?
Light on the rice.
I'm watching my figure.
Harley, this is what's
going to happen
if you don't take control.
Every one of these assholes
has an army of goons
that they're just
gonna keep sending
until they take over the city.
I think you may be
catastrophizing.
Hey! You're on Two-Face's turf.
Don't make that face at me.
Fine, I'll deal with it.
Listen up, goons!
Excuse me,
I identify as a hench.
Listen up, goons and henches,
the world we know has ended.
The Justice League is kaput,
the Legion of Doom is doomed,
and Joker's had his last laugh.
This is our chance
to even the playing field.
You! Who do you work for?
The Riddler. Obviously.
Seriously?
Two-Face. Come on.
But why?
What have those assholes
ever done for you?
Joker treated me like shit,
until I decided
I'd had enough
and took him down.
And look at me now.
It is time to rise up!
Everyone should be
their own villain.
Don't work for the Penguin,
be the Penguin.
Over here, the hench...
I've got a two part
question for ya.
Are you saying
we should become
the Penguin,
or that we should do
stuff like him?
Up to you, goo...
...hench.
This is New Gotham.
The power isn't held
by the few,
it's up for grabs.
So everyone
should go get some.
Everybody on the floor!
No, yous get on the floor.
Phil, the fuck is going on?
Hi. Hey, I'm Steven,
I'm the shift manager.
Uh, are we being robbed,
or are you?
Plus also, the bank
was just robbed
15 minutes ago
by someone who said
he was, quote,
"Penguin like."
Two-Face double crossed
by his own goo--
Citizens of New Gotham,
riddle me this...
Citizens of New Gotham...
Craig? What the hell
are you doing?
Who is this Craig
you speak of?
I am the Inquizitor-or-or--
Craig, get off the air!
Here's a quizzy quiz.
Who's not my boss anymore?
You!
We're cutting in live
from Penguin's casino
and looks like
I'm the big winner today.
Come and get it,
New Gotham!
Are we all here?
We're missing one.
Your door is inoperable.
It's a pull!
Uh... My bad.
-This guy...
-Gentlemen,
thank you for coming.
Let me cut to the chase.
Harley Quinn's
goon rebellion
- ...is destroying
our way of life.
Stupid coffee machine!
It's impossible to figure out!
We need goons!
Well... well, I loosened it up.
Can I ask you
a serious question?
Why are you so stupid?
Incredibly, Bane is right.
Not about the coffee maker,
but we need goons!
Now they all think they're us.
If everyone's a villain,
then no one is.
And we need to
get them back in line.
We need structure.
Right fellas?
We can't run
organized crime...
Uh... I'm not
in organized crime.
I'm actually trying
to find a cure
for my wife's
terminal illness.
And how are you
funding that?
Uh. Through organized crime.
Exactly...
which we can't do with Harley
leading this insurrection!
We need to get her on board
and get our goons back!
Uh... one note,
one small note.
Maybe we should have
invited her to this?
-What?
-Shut it, Bane.
Come on, come on.
I know you're out there, buddy.
Robin?
No! This is the Bat-Signal,
not the Robin-Signal.
Get out of here!
Shoo, shoo!
Will you stop shooing me!
Batman is missing.
What?
He was in the
Joker Tower when it fell...
And I haven't
heard from him since.
Oh, my God!
Did you try texting him?
Of course I tried texting him.
What am I, 40?
Course! Could...
you share that
contact info with me?
Yeah.
He wouldn't like that.
Plus that would mean
you have my info, too.
C'mon!
The city's falling apart!
-We need Batman, damn it!
-Whoa, whoa...
He's gone.
Which is why I'm here.
'Cause I'm ready
to take up the mantle.
I'm Batman.
Ow! That's thick plastic!
Slipped.
Can you just toss that back?
There's a little left in it.
Where are you, Batman?
Oh, come on. Let me pet you!
I want to teach you love.
Hey Takashi,
you're gonna freak!
I got the last
fresh ginger in Gotham
just like you asked!
Ginger!
Hip, hip, hooray!
Holy shit!
It's about time,
what took you so long?
Hey, you know,
it's pretty rough
out there, okay?
I had to fight five new
question-based villains.
Uh...
Harley, a word.
Is it "congratulations"?
I stopped all the villains
by liberating the goons.
Harls, this was your chance
to control the city,
but now instead of like
five big assholes
trying to run Gotham,
we've got a thousand
little assholes
to deal with.
Ugh, you worry too much, Ive.
Um...
You know, I think I'm worrying
like the perfect amount,
to be honest.
Thanks, Lou.
What'd ya bring me?
"Harley Quinn,
you are cordially invited
to attend the inaugural meeting
of the Injustice League."
What is the
Injustice League?
I believe it is a play
on "Justice League."
Boy, will they have
a juicy lawsuit on their hands.
Wonder woman
is very litigious. Trust me.
This is bullshit.
The city's
supposed to be chaos!
You know, I'm trying to be
less of a know-it-all,
so I'm just gonna go read.
I can't,
it's killing me,
I told you so! Okay,
Whoo!
Now I'm going to go read.
Hey motherfuckers.
Look at that,
gang's all here.
Freeze, been a minute.
Bane, good to see you
on your feet
after the Legion went boom.
Luckily I was away,
dog sitting for my Aunt
Linda's girlfriend.
We're very supportive.
Aw, that's nice.
So, what's the deal?
You guys get invites to this
Injustice League dealio too?
Actually, Harley...
Tada!
Wait, wait. You guys
are the Injustice League?
We had time
to get a banner made,
but not enough
to find one more
executive chair?
Oh, again with the
swivel chair.
Your recklessness
forced us to band together
to restore order
in the criminal underworld.
There's gotta be a hierarchy.
Exactly!
It goes supervillains,
sidekicks,
goons that went to Harvard,
and then goons.
Okay. That's just
the same old shit.
I mean. This is a chance
to do something new.
Much gratitude
for the segue.
Feast your eyes on new...
New Gotham.
Hmm?
Not. Interested.
Whoa. Hey!
Where did this
map come from?
I'm still on a
goddamn folding chair.
Jesus, Bane.
we all thought
it would be funny
if we gave you
a folding chair...
...and we were right!
Oh, I see your joke now.
Your...
jest will be avenged.
Anyway...
we've divided up Gotham.
Each of us
will control a territory
where we make our own rules.
Which you could have seen
if we still had the map.
Guess which part
was gonna yours?
Hint, the bad part.
I took out Joker,
so I make the rules.
And this shit won't fly.
-It ain't happening.
-Told ya.
Ivy, are you there?
Can you hear me?
Where am I?
Riddle me this...
Who's the biggest fool of all?
You! For wasting
your only chance
to rule Gotham.
If you'd just played the game,
you wouldn't have
ended up like this.
You did this to yourself.
You'll never be one of us.
You're just a sad,
pathetic clown.
We're getting
destroyed out there, men!
And Cheryl.
I know it seems like
the bad guys have won,
but I'm here to tell you
they haven't.
Batman's still out there.
Somewhere.
I know things seem bleak.
We're being hunted
by villains and citizens alike.
No food, no power.
I mean, my God, there's only
coconut flavored sparkling
water in the vending machines.
Oh, Cheryl!
I kind of like it.
America may have turned
its back on us,
and chaos fills the streets...
we're still Gotham's finest.
We have a job to do, and
God damn it, we're gonna do it!
Now you get out there
and you take back your town...
Our town--
I'm taking over
this police department.
Like cheeseballs you are!
You don't have the authority!
Anyone else
itching to get shot
in their privates?
Hey... guys...
All right, Gordon,
I'm a fair guy.
Heads you live
and we'll call it
time served.
Tails and we'll--
You won't
get away with this, Dent.
I already have.
Give my love to Barb.
I'll be back.
And I'm bringing
the Batman with me!
Ugh. Jesus Christ, coconut.
Bah, bah, bah!
Come on and get me,
you crazy fucks!
Ben? And Cheryl?
On your knees, Jimbo!
The hell do you think you're...
Why would you do this?
You're cops.
There ain't no cops
no more, old man.
We're Bane boys now.
Things change quick
on these mean streets.
Let's jet!
You're a damn good...
...nothing.
Hey, Mr. Penguin!
Good to see you, Mr. Penguin!
How ya doing tonight,
Mr. Penguin?
Fine, fine.
Hey. Sex upstairs later?
Oh. It's good to be
the Penguin.
Mr. Penguin,
good to see yo--
Okay, that's too many people
saying hello to me.
It feels disingenuous.
Ahhh...
I actually meant it...
Why so blue, Harley?
It's a party for Christ's sake!
Monsieur Penguin,
uh, what can I get for you?
Where's Jeffrey?
You kil... killed him?
Oh, that does sound like me.
Would you like
some champagne?
To celebrate
your taking back the city?
Perhaps make a little toast
to your magnificent self?
Mmm, why not!
The bird has taken the worm.
- Tweet, tweet.
- Tweet, tweet.
- I'm here.
- And?
And I'm not saying
"tweet, tweet."
She said it!
But one birdie left...
Tweet, tweet, baby.
We're ready.
Let's hatch this egg.
Ladies and gentlemen!
We're killing it.
We put down
the goon rebellion
and they're thanking us for it.
We carved up the city
and they're
thanking us for it.
Sy, smoke, smoke!
Right! On it.
So I'd just like to
raise a glass and...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
You back there, sit down.
I'm talking.
Stall Sy, stall.
- As I was saying...
- Eh... Uh...
Hey, excuse me!
-We got a birthday boy tonight.
-What?
And a one... And a two.
Okay Psycho, nice and easy.
Easy! Careful. Careful!
Can I call you Penguin?
All right guys, let's go.
It's not my birthday.
I said it's not my birthday.
And can we lighten up
on the damn smoke?
As I was saying...
thanks to me,
and of course
everyone's favorite
ice sculpture,
Harley Quinn.
Stop them!
All right, we gotta make
this extraction
as gentle as possible.
Okay. We can't rattle her
because her life
is in the balance, okay.
Ahhh!
Look what you made me do.
Okay, this is not a good start.
Oh, hey, Ive.
Harls! Hi. You okay?
How are you feeling?
Get me
the fuck outta this!
Everybody stand back!
Hit it, Sy.
Have at me!
Somebody free my swinging arm!
Fire finger, flame begin!
Ha!
Sweep the leg Johnny!
Harley...
I always thought
you were a sidekick.
A goon with a name.
But I was wrong.
Asshole.
You're a mistake.
A mutation.
Thankfully,
nature has graced us
with a solution
to the Harley Quinn problem,
survival of the fittest.
My beautiful nose!
Without your bat,
you're just a
defrosted gymnast!
Eat grenades, Harley!
Take that!
I knew we should have
killed you from the start...
Yeah, you really blew it.
Over here.
No stupid, over here!
Oh, sorry you missed me,
fucking idiot.
Over here.
No. Oops!
No. Wrong way.
Oh, you're so fucking stupid.
Hey Harley, are you--
Ooh, yikes.
It's about to get
way more "yikes."
Ahhh!
Yeah, that was definitely
more "yikes."
Can we go get coffee?
Oh. Uh...
I let the emotions get
the best of me earlier.
This is a minor setback.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Go to your brother's house,
get his old scuba gear,
we fish my badge
out of Gotham Harbor.
Then, this right here...
the new GCPD headquarters.
That's right.
I'm still commissioner.
I'll start a new department.
I can deputize you
right now, Barbara.
We'll clean up
this city together...
husband and wife cops.
An unbreakable bond.
I want a divorce.
It's all hopeless.
Where are you, Batman?
They put me on ice
and an hour later
the goons crawl back
to the bosses?
Harley, this might
come as a shock to you,
so I wanna... I want to say it
as delicately as I can--
You've been iced
for two months!
-Two months?
-Nice work, Clay.
Um... Well, we've been
we've been trying
to break you out
the whole time.
And hell, I got shot twice.
I never got shot,
but I did put a lot of
personal projects aside
trying to save you.
I never realized
how much we relied
on your leadership before.
I mean, I don't want to say
things were a disaster
in your absence,
but they weren't
not a disaster.
In fact, things got so dire
we finally got
desperate enough
to try the talking block
of mud's stupid plan.
Which was a rousing success!
Thank you very much.
You see,
usually penguin only hires
the most distinguished waiters.
Which is why
I had to develop
my Francois character.
He was born...
to a scullery maid--
Okay, thank you!
So, in the last two months,
did I miss anything
other than Clayface's
long-winded backstories?
Harley, just come with me.
So after the goons
fell back in line,
the Injustice League
carved up the city.
They call it new New Gotham.
Which is...
I mean, I can't even...
If you just played the game
you wouldn't have
ended up like this.
You did this to yourself.
Who's the biggest fool of all?
You!
You were right all along, Ive.
I shoulda taken control
from the start.
Riddler, Two-Face,
Freeze, Bane.
I'm taking 'em all down.
And when I'm done,
Gotham is gonna be...
mine!
Cool.
Yeah.
We pulled him from the Joker Tower rubble months ago.
He's been in a coma ever since.
The swelling
should've gone down.
Let me just...
Oh, my God.
It's... Bruce Wayne.