Happy Endings (2011–2013): Season 3, Episode 14 - In the Heat of the Noche - full transcript
With the future of his new job in jeopardy, Brad enlists his friends to help save the failing kids' gym. Max's concerns over his endless texting lead him and Penny into addiction to a powerful - and illegal - cough syrup.
Guys, I am loving my job
at Chuckles & Huggs.
It is great.
Who wants to see pics?
Groan.
Groan.
Groan.
Farting noise.
Come on. What kind of monster
doesn't want to see a pic of me,
a chubby Korean kid,
and a state-of-the-art
bubblebot 9000 bubble machine?
Me.
Me.
Me.
Farting noise.
But I'm doing
the gunnam style dance.
You're not saying it right.
Gan-nam style?
Ngam-ngam.
Gang-ang.
You gotta swallow the
G's, the N's and the m.
Gangnam style.
There it is.
Yes!
Yeah, I am just so happy
that you found a job that
is so rewarding. Mm-hmm.
Well, I love my job, too,
but winter is a terrible time
for the food truck industry.
I mean, business has been
slower than a WNBA fast break.
Tell me about it. Winter is
terrible for the store industry.
Store industry?
Is that what it's called?
Oh, Penny.
Yeah.
Hey, Max. You think I could
bum a bowl of cereal?
Haven't had a carb in four years.
Feeling nostalgic.
Oh, I remember that crouton.
You named it Sonya.
Oh!
Wow!
Cereal prizes
have gotten awesome.
Okay, you know what?
The phone is mine.
I was hiding it
in the cereal box
'cause I can't stop
texting Jason,
this new hunk of butter
than I'm seeing.
I texted him, like,
11 times last night.
How is that even possible?
Well, first, I texted him to see
if he wanted to go see that
new gay Four Tops
cover band, the Four Tops.
Not familiar.
Then he texted me back,
"I'm actually more of
a Smokey Robinson man,"
to which I texted him back,
"I second that emoticon,"
smiley face. So...
Then I texted him,
like, nine times
to make sure he got that joke.
Maxima Herbert Blum,
what if I were to tell you
I knew a way for you
to stop texting Jason
and regain all of the power
in your relationship?
Well, Penny Aziz Hartz,
I'd tell you I'm intrigued.
Then I'd tell
you to come to my home tonight
at 6:00 pm. Sharp.
Most likely because she
has a dramatic speaking class at 7:00,
and it's too late to cancel.
Ooh. Would not eat
that cereal.
It came with the apartment.
Ugh.
Careful, baby girl.
Ooh, would not drink that water.
Pipes are ravaged with tetanus.
Hope you got your shot!
Ugh!
Ooh! That is not vodka!
It's a water sample
I'm collecting
in my lawsuit
against the building.
Ugh!
Ah. Idiot.
Al, no!
What?
Oh. Right. the cereal.
Ew!
I got it. It's fine.
Hey, um...
That's...
Toilet water.
We're all good.
Good day for your boy Ethan, man.
Yeah.
He was a lord
on the big boy slide.
And he really seems
to have gotten a handle
on that whole biting
other kids' mouths problem.
Why does he do that?
I don't know. It's weird.
Yeah. Well, I'll see
you guys tomorrow.
Take care.
All right.
Take care, Cody.
Way to own
that ball pit today, Sarah.
See you later,
menacing repo men.
Wait.
What are you guys doing?
No payments, no bubbles.
Sorry, babe.
Did you just call me "babe"?
Hey, Terry, um,
some repo guys said
we haven't been making
our bubblebot payments.
Is everything okay?
Brad, when my partner Robert
Huggs and I opened this place
in early March 2010,
the last thing
I ever thought would happen
is that my partner Robert Huggs
would die in late March 2010.
Oh. He was a business mind.
I was a dreamer.
Right. Um...
So what, that...
We're just a little behind
on our bills? Or...
We're not gonna close
or anything?
Right?
We're not gonna close.
Brad, I can't say for certain if
we're gonna stay open or close,
but I can say for sure
we're probably gonna close.
Um...
What?
Did you run here?
No. I took a cab.
So... What's your secret
solution to my texting problem?
Jason's got all the power
in your relationship,
and if you want it back,
it's simple.
You just need to not text
him until he texts you.
I can't. I really,
really, really wanna text him.
Everything I see
reminds me of him...
A train going through a
tunnel, an oil rig exploding,
two gay guys having sex.
You are watching way too much
stock footage and gay porn,
and I can't fix that,
but I can fix
your power problem.
Noche Tussin.
My mom got it from Mexico
because it's discontinued
in the States
and in Mexico,
which is why the Mexicans
smuggle it from Nicaragua,
where it's also illegal.
It's made in Libya
in a neighborhood of Tripoli
called "little Mexico."
"Warning! Good luck."
Night's the toughest time not
to text, right? Mmm-hmm.
So you just down a dose before
dinner and sleep a tight 14.
You can't text
while you're sleepin'!
You smellin' what I'm passin'?
No, Pen. Be a lady.
Look, I'll even do it with you.
I used to do this all the time.
Pete's off on a golf trip,
and I don't want to bug him
about wedding details.
I don't wanna seem needy.
I wanna seem powerful.
Okay, Pen, with all due respect,
and I appreciate you helping me,
but I don't need
to knock myself clear out
to avoid texting someone.
Really? Because you're purposely
pocket texting him right now.
All right, let's do this. Yeah.
Oh, my God!
Penny, get in here!
It worked!
Not only did I not text Jason...
He texted me!
Of course it worked.
I got a text, too.
Power officially regained.
High fives all around.
Noche Tussin is genius!
Yeah, it is!
Ooh. I forgot to tell you
about the one side effect.
One side of your body is
affected by temporary paralysis.
Mmm-hmm.
Wow. I can't believe Chuckles
& Huggs might be closing.
I know. What am I gonna
do without those kids?
What are those kids
gonna do without that gym?
Where's Terry gonna
store all his 9/11 research?
This sucks.
Dave's been
playing a lot of guitar lately.
Some would say too much.
I would say too much.
Just tryin' to release an EP.
By end of winter.
"End of winter" is
the name of his band.
Just gotta find distribution
for the darn thing.
"The darn thing"
is the name of their EP.
Okay, I hate all of that.
Brad, I know how
you can save the gym.
What is your favorite movie?
High School High.
Okay. What is
your second favorite movie?
Anaconda!
Ugh!
What is your 23rd
favorite movie?
Sister Act 2.
Back in the Habit?
Yes!
Yeah!
Okay, so think about it.
You can save Chuckles & Huggs
the way Whoopi Goldberg
saved that Catholic school.
Oh. Whoopi was so hot
in that movie.
So hot.
But you use your special skill...
Right.
To save the gym.
Wait.
How am I supposed to give 14 consecutive
orgasms to a brick building?
Fourteen!
Other skill.
Oh! Right! Yeah.
Oh, business is my special skill.
Yeah. Yeah!
Oh! Okay!
One of 'em. One of 'em.
Yeah, I got it. I got it.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm gonna do it!
Mmm!
I'm gonna totally save
Chuckles & Huggs!
Hold up.
That's not the right vibe.
Oh. My bad.
Ooh! That's the stuff.
Yeah! It is.
Okay, Terry, so I looked
through your books...
Which are actually just young adult
novels you've shoved receipts into.
And technically speaking,
we're in some deep deuce.
Hey, look at that.
I did have snake insurance.
Terry, this is just the back
of a jury summons that says,
"Like a good neighbor,
snake farm is there"
would be a great slogan for
a snake insurance company.
Hey, great idea, Brad.
Okay. Look...
Your first problem is,
we're only scheduling
one birthday party a day
when we could easily
schedule six.
Great. Six what?
Six parties, bro.
And check this out. Your food
budget is through the roof, man.
You order ten pizzas a day.
Oh, that's a typo.
That should say 100.
What? 100 piz...
How many actually get eaten?
Well, usually about ten.
Are you shrooming right now?
No. Are you a cop?
Forget it.
Look, I did some research,
and it turns out other gyms have
all kinds of entertainment.
And we should, too,
which is why I'm gonna round up
the ragtaggiest group of underdogs...
The Traveling Wilburys?
No, Terry! How am I gonna
get the Traveling Wilburys?
Two of 'em are dead!
I'm talking about my friends,
damn it! It's my friends!
Alex, how would you like
to come do arts and crafts
with the kids
at Chuckles & Huggs?
Oh, Brad, I'd love to but
I'm super busy right now.
I have got
a serious cricket infestation
I'm trying to deal with.
Oh. Who am I kidding? I'm in.
David, how would you like to
come play music for the kids?
Sure, bro, but I'm gonna
play my music my way.
♪ Alone in a box forever
♪ You're deceased,
you're deceased! ♪
Okay, maybe you're
not right for this.
No, no! No, no! I'll
play any music any way.
What time's sound check?
Don't tell me.
I wanna be surprised.
Jane.
I'm in!
What... How did you know
what I was gonna say?
So I talked to Alex.
And I would do anything
to help my hot-ass Whoopi.
I know what kids like.
Cookies, right?
Yes.
Perfect.
Then I will teach them
how to access
their web browsing history.
Or maybe anything else.
Okay. All right.
All right. All right.
I'll teach 'em how
to organize a militia.
No.
Immigration law,
intricacies of...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You keep working on that.
Okay, I'll keep working on it.
Like that wasn't perfect.
Okay.
Ooh. "Ten must-haves
for a memorable wedding."
Oh.
I gotta text Pete!
But I can't.
But I want to!
But I can't.
Can I?
I haven't texted him
all damn day.
How much power does a
gal actually need?
Are you a lunatic?
Where did you come from?
What are you gonna do, text Pete and
give him all the power right back?
I know. I messed up.
That was a close call.
But I'm glad you're here.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
What's going on with you?
I don't know, man.
Weak. Spineless.
I know.
Disgusting.
Really grotesque.
You know, just a
garbage dog full of...
Now that I'm gettin'
fresh eyes on it,
who's to say who can text whom
and when they can text
that person and what about?
What are you doing? No!
Did you not
just hear your own offensive rant?
Jason texted me "What up."
He deserves to know what up!
How else is he gonna
find out what up? Max.
Use your thick brain. Okay?
Sure, we didn't text for a day.
Okay. We got some power.
Pretty good. But you know
what's better than some power?
Oh, yeah. Black power.
No. More power.
Ah. And the more power
we have,
then the more power...
We'll have.
What a great morning.
Ah, after another successful
text-free night. I feel amazing.
I feel fresher than a daisy...
Fuentes. Joke. And no one's
burned her in a while.
Aw! Let's brunch out.
Yeah.
Uh, Penny?
Why's it 4:00 am.?
Yo, what's up?
Oh, no.
We must've built up a tolerance
to the Noche Tussin.
You know what
we have to do, right?
Double the dose.
♪ Love times love
♪ Divided by love
♪ Equals love
to the power of love ♪
Boo!
Guys, come on!
Those are all my songs.
How could you not
like any of 'em?
Because they're doody.
- Ah. Real mature. Real mature.
- Yeah!
You want doody?
You want doody?
I'll give you doody!
♪ Doody
♪ Doody, doody
♪ Doody
Yeah!
♪ Doody
♪ Doody, doody
♪ Doody ♪
Thank you,
pretty little princess.
It's actually really good.
I didn't realize kids could
do stuff.
Wow, Brad.
I haven't seen
this many people in here
since the time I accidentally
checked in on Grindr.
You're awesome.
Thanks.
You remind me
of the late Robert Huggs.
Minus the scars from the
botched "Face/off" surgery.
Uh, thanks.
Uh, babe,
where are all the kids?
I don't know.
I don't understand why
they didn't want to watch
a riveting documentary
about natural gas extraction.
Riveting?
Yeah.
Well, why not try something a
little more on their level?
Oh!
Yeah.
Like, what did I like
when I was a kid?
Yeah.
Writing love letters
to my childhood crush
Boris Yeltsin!
No.
Oh. No.
So I finished my fourth
encore of "the doody song,"
and it's pandemonium!
I mean, I get so caught
up in the moment,
I smash my guitar!
Regretted immediately. Had to
drop three bills on a new axe.
So, yeah, pretty epic afternoon.
Wow. God, it feels so good
to have an audience again.
I mean, that rush!
That energy!
A kid threw a diaper
up on the stage.
Gross, Dave.
Oh, come on.
Jealous called.
They want "much" back
so they can form
the following sentence...
Jealous much?
Not great.
It's pretty good.
Gotta get to my gig.
Bye.
Uh, customer or do you need change
for the meter?
No. I love your store.
Oh, well, then come see
the new winter fashions.
And don't worry. We have all
the in between sizes. Yeah?
Triple medium, small big,
and horse jockey large.
Oh, you know, my cousin is
a jockey, but he's a medium.
Oh. You know,
but I do love your bracelet.
Oh! Actually, we don't carry
this in the store.
Oh, that's too bad.
You know, I saw a similar one
selling down the street
for, like, 150,
but they were all sold out.
Whoa. For 150,
I'll sell you this one.
Oh, great!
Okay, I think I have
$150 in cash on me.
Oh, you meant $150.
Damn!
Uh!
Ooh. I gotta tell ya...
That was the
best 29 hours of sleep
I've ever gotten.
And if you remember correctly,
I was once in a coma.
This is the life.
We feel terrific.
We look even better
than we feel,
which, as you'll remember,
is terrific.
How... how did we not know
power was amazing?
Kanye wrote a song about it.
Emily and Merrill Boothe
named their son after it.
Powers Boothe. Are you
not watching Nashville?
Mmm-mmm.
Get on it.
Look at this text from Pete.
"Penny, why aren't you responding?
Are you okay?
"I'm genuinely concerned
about you."
Pathetic! Pete, are you
genuinely concerned
about how much power
I have over you?
'Cause you should be.
Well, I'm bushed.
I think I'm gonna turn in.
Yeah, mama's pyooped!
Just gonna grab a quick pull
off the old sweet green sleep juice.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay.
Nothing to freak out about.
We just need to get some more
of that stuff right now.
Immediately right now.
I can't get any more.
What do you mean
you can't get any more?
There's not enough
for both of us.
Oh, God!
Aah!
♪ Doody
♪ Doody
♪ Doo
♪ Doody
♪ Doody
♪ Doody, doody, doody
♪ Doody ♪
♪ Doody ♪
♪ Doody, doody, doody,
doody doo
♪ Doody-doody ♪
♪ Doody-doody
♪ Doody, doody, doody
♪ Doody
No!
♪ Doody
♪ Doody
♪ Doody ♪
Again! Again!
Again! Okay!
Well, kids love doody.
Brad...
May I call you Brad?
It's better than yesterday
when you called me Reggie.
Thanks for everything.
I know Robert Huggs is looking
down on us, smiling. Literally.
He's buried on the roof. Face
down with a smile on his face.
Well, technically,
it's someone else's face.
Wow, man.
Very impressive job you've done here.
Aw, thanks, man.
Oh, Terry told me you
used to work in finance?
Terry says a lot of things.
Yesterday, he told me he's
concerned he may be immortal.
That is concerning.
Yes. But, uh, yeah,
I did work in finance.
Well, I'm actually a partner
at Zimmet Financial... Oh.
And we checked up on you, and
I think you'd be a great fit.
Would you ever consider
coming to work for us?
Uh... Wow.
Um, I...
Think about it.
All right.
Nope. Turning around.
Out we go.
So listen, guys. Out of nowhere,
I got offered a job today.
What? No.
You can't leave the gym.
I have a huge order to fill.
I need 500 units
by end of week...
I mean, you love kids.
What?
And I gotta prove that
I'm not a one-hit wonder.
I know I've got more
than just doody in me.
And I really wanna find a way to
relate to those little, um...
Kids?
Yep.
Real helpful, guys.
Thanks.
You know what?
I think I need to go
to my thinking spot.
This part of the condominium just
really helps me clear my head.
Hello, Max.
Thank you for coming.
I have something very important
to discuss with you.
Please, um, have a seat.
Hello, Penny. Thank
you for coming. I live here.
I have something very important
to discuss with you.
Can you stand up for a second?
What? Can you
stand up for a second?
Please, have a seat.
"Max Blum, I called you here today
because I want you to know...
"Your behavior has
affected me in the following way."
"You always..."
"Penny Hartz, I called you here
today because I want you to know...
"Your, uh, your
behavior has affected-..."
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm interventioning you.
No, that's impossible, because
I'm interventioning you.
"You've disappointed me
in the following ways, Dad!"
Wait. Did you say "Dad"?
You said "Dad," too.
Yeah.
What are we doing?
We're being a couple
of world-class idiots.
Agreed.
I mean...
You know what?
Since I've been up
for three consecutive hours,
I'm starting to think my power
theory was a little wack.
Yeah, and that Mexican
sleeping juice? Phew!
It has done a number on the
old central nervous system.
Check this out.
Nothin'.
It's not on.
That's another thing.
I can't tell when stuff
is on or off anymore.
Welp...
At least we only hurt ourselves.
Penny!
Hey, Pete!
Thank god you're okay.
I was so worried.
You didn't answer
any of my texts,
so I canceled
the rest of my trip,
and I came home
as soon as I could.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
We were doing
this whole power thing.
And it's so stupid. It
just... it got out of hand.
And honestly, I'm so sorry.
I'm so stupid.
Everybody, everyone...
Hey, listen up.
So here's the deal.
I got offered a great job.
But I love it here so much,
and you all mean so much to me,
so I decided to turn it down
and stay here with you guys.
Really? In this economy?
You gotta think long term, bro.
Um...
Yeah. You gotta
make that skrillah
if you're gonna hang on
to this vanilla.
Yeah.
Inappropriate, but thank you.
Brad, you love business stuff.
I mean, look at how much fun you
had turning this place around.
Yeah.
I mean, Whoopi was great
at mixing it up
with those very troubled
inner city Catholics,
but she was still a Vegas
lounge singer at heart.
And you're a businessman
at heart.
I do love business.
I like taking care of it,
I love gettin' down to it.
I love minding my own.
Love it as usual
or mixing it with pleasure.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm gonna take that job.
I'm gonna take it.
You gonna be okay, Terry?
Oh, we gonna be fine, Reggie.
I'll keep the gym running
using all the business
knowledge you taught me,
and that $2.5 million
I inherited
when my Aunt Doris was crushed
by that satellite.
Right.
Mmm, yeah.
I'm gonna miss you,
Terrence Chuckles.
Hey!
Aw!
Congrats, dude.
Looks like we both made it.
Proud of you, man.
I'm proud of you, too.
I just wish I could've
found my thing.
You know, like you guys did with the...
Little guys.
Kids?
Yes. Them, too.
Well...
If there's two things
I've learned working
at Chuckles & Huggs,
it's never use the bathroom
after Terry's
been in there cookin'...
Ah. And all kids love
squish mountain.
What is squish mountain?
Squish mountain!
Aah! Oh!
Oh, my God!
I found what I'm good at!
Squish mountain!
This is so rewarding!
♪ Squish mountain, yeah ♪
I need to go pee!
But you just went to the
bathroom five hours ago,
and I know I haven't given
you any water since then.
Hey, Al.
Whatcha doin'?
Runnin' a real tight ship.
Gonna have a thousand units
by E.O.D Monday.
Do you know what the
margin is on these things?
We are talking pure profit.
Oh, my God. I'm running a
child labor ring, aren't I?
Yes. Yes. yes.
Yes! Absolutely, yes!
Yes. 100%.
Okay. Okay, guys.
Come on, let's go!
Let's go!
Let's go and play!
Whoo! Come on.
This was just a game.
Wasn't it fun?
at Chuckles & Huggs.
It is great.
Who wants to see pics?
Groan.
Groan.
Groan.
Farting noise.
Come on. What kind of monster
doesn't want to see a pic of me,
a chubby Korean kid,
and a state-of-the-art
bubblebot 9000 bubble machine?
Me.
Me.
Me.
Farting noise.
But I'm doing
the gunnam style dance.
You're not saying it right.
Gan-nam style?
Ngam-ngam.
Gang-ang.
You gotta swallow the
G's, the N's and the m.
Gangnam style.
There it is.
Yes!
Yeah, I am just so happy
that you found a job that
is so rewarding. Mm-hmm.
Well, I love my job, too,
but winter is a terrible time
for the food truck industry.
I mean, business has been
slower than a WNBA fast break.
Tell me about it. Winter is
terrible for the store industry.
Store industry?
Is that what it's called?
Oh, Penny.
Yeah.
Hey, Max. You think I could
bum a bowl of cereal?
Haven't had a carb in four years.
Feeling nostalgic.
Oh, I remember that crouton.
You named it Sonya.
Oh!
Wow!
Cereal prizes
have gotten awesome.
Okay, you know what?
The phone is mine.
I was hiding it
in the cereal box
'cause I can't stop
texting Jason,
this new hunk of butter
than I'm seeing.
I texted him, like,
11 times last night.
How is that even possible?
Well, first, I texted him to see
if he wanted to go see that
new gay Four Tops
cover band, the Four Tops.
Not familiar.
Then he texted me back,
"I'm actually more of
a Smokey Robinson man,"
to which I texted him back,
"I second that emoticon,"
smiley face. So...
Then I texted him,
like, nine times
to make sure he got that joke.
Maxima Herbert Blum,
what if I were to tell you
I knew a way for you
to stop texting Jason
and regain all of the power
in your relationship?
Well, Penny Aziz Hartz,
I'd tell you I'm intrigued.
Then I'd tell
you to come to my home tonight
at 6:00 pm. Sharp.
Most likely because she
has a dramatic speaking class at 7:00,
and it's too late to cancel.
Ooh. Would not eat
that cereal.
It came with the apartment.
Ugh.
Careful, baby girl.
Ooh, would not drink that water.
Pipes are ravaged with tetanus.
Hope you got your shot!
Ugh!
Ooh! That is not vodka!
It's a water sample
I'm collecting
in my lawsuit
against the building.
Ugh!
Ah. Idiot.
Al, no!
What?
Oh. Right. the cereal.
Ew!
I got it. It's fine.
Hey, um...
That's...
Toilet water.
We're all good.
Good day for your boy Ethan, man.
Yeah.
He was a lord
on the big boy slide.
And he really seems
to have gotten a handle
on that whole biting
other kids' mouths problem.
Why does he do that?
I don't know. It's weird.
Yeah. Well, I'll see
you guys tomorrow.
Take care.
All right.
Take care, Cody.
Way to own
that ball pit today, Sarah.
See you later,
menacing repo men.
Wait.
What are you guys doing?
No payments, no bubbles.
Sorry, babe.
Did you just call me "babe"?
Hey, Terry, um,
some repo guys said
we haven't been making
our bubblebot payments.
Is everything okay?
Brad, when my partner Robert
Huggs and I opened this place
in early March 2010,
the last thing
I ever thought would happen
is that my partner Robert Huggs
would die in late March 2010.
Oh. He was a business mind.
I was a dreamer.
Right. Um...
So what, that...
We're just a little behind
on our bills? Or...
We're not gonna close
or anything?
Right?
We're not gonna close.
Brad, I can't say for certain if
we're gonna stay open or close,
but I can say for sure
we're probably gonna close.
Um...
What?
Did you run here?
No. I took a cab.
So... What's your secret
solution to my texting problem?
Jason's got all the power
in your relationship,
and if you want it back,
it's simple.
You just need to not text
him until he texts you.
I can't. I really,
really, really wanna text him.
Everything I see
reminds me of him...
A train going through a
tunnel, an oil rig exploding,
two gay guys having sex.
You are watching way too much
stock footage and gay porn,
and I can't fix that,
but I can fix
your power problem.
Noche Tussin.
My mom got it from Mexico
because it's discontinued
in the States
and in Mexico,
which is why the Mexicans
smuggle it from Nicaragua,
where it's also illegal.
It's made in Libya
in a neighborhood of Tripoli
called "little Mexico."
"Warning! Good luck."
Night's the toughest time not
to text, right? Mmm-hmm.
So you just down a dose before
dinner and sleep a tight 14.
You can't text
while you're sleepin'!
You smellin' what I'm passin'?
No, Pen. Be a lady.
Look, I'll even do it with you.
I used to do this all the time.
Pete's off on a golf trip,
and I don't want to bug him
about wedding details.
I don't wanna seem needy.
I wanna seem powerful.
Okay, Pen, with all due respect,
and I appreciate you helping me,
but I don't need
to knock myself clear out
to avoid texting someone.
Really? Because you're purposely
pocket texting him right now.
All right, let's do this. Yeah.
Oh, my God!
Penny, get in here!
It worked!
Not only did I not text Jason...
He texted me!
Of course it worked.
I got a text, too.
Power officially regained.
High fives all around.
Noche Tussin is genius!
Yeah, it is!
Ooh. I forgot to tell you
about the one side effect.
One side of your body is
affected by temporary paralysis.
Mmm-hmm.
Wow. I can't believe Chuckles
& Huggs might be closing.
I know. What am I gonna
do without those kids?
What are those kids
gonna do without that gym?
Where's Terry gonna
store all his 9/11 research?
This sucks.
Dave's been
playing a lot of guitar lately.
Some would say too much.
I would say too much.
Just tryin' to release an EP.
By end of winter.
"End of winter" is
the name of his band.
Just gotta find distribution
for the darn thing.
"The darn thing"
is the name of their EP.
Okay, I hate all of that.
Brad, I know how
you can save the gym.
What is your favorite movie?
High School High.
Okay. What is
your second favorite movie?
Anaconda!
Ugh!
What is your 23rd
favorite movie?
Sister Act 2.
Back in the Habit?
Yes!
Yeah!
Okay, so think about it.
You can save Chuckles & Huggs
the way Whoopi Goldberg
saved that Catholic school.
Oh. Whoopi was so hot
in that movie.
So hot.
But you use your special skill...
Right.
To save the gym.
Wait.
How am I supposed to give 14 consecutive
orgasms to a brick building?
Fourteen!
Other skill.
Oh! Right! Yeah.
Oh, business is my special skill.
Yeah. Yeah!
Oh! Okay!
One of 'em. One of 'em.
Yeah, I got it. I got it.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm gonna do it!
Mmm!
I'm gonna totally save
Chuckles & Huggs!
Hold up.
That's not the right vibe.
Oh. My bad.
Ooh! That's the stuff.
Yeah! It is.
Okay, Terry, so I looked
through your books...
Which are actually just young adult
novels you've shoved receipts into.
And technically speaking,
we're in some deep deuce.
Hey, look at that.
I did have snake insurance.
Terry, this is just the back
of a jury summons that says,
"Like a good neighbor,
snake farm is there"
would be a great slogan for
a snake insurance company.
Hey, great idea, Brad.
Okay. Look...
Your first problem is,
we're only scheduling
one birthday party a day
when we could easily
schedule six.
Great. Six what?
Six parties, bro.
And check this out. Your food
budget is through the roof, man.
You order ten pizzas a day.
Oh, that's a typo.
That should say 100.
What? 100 piz...
How many actually get eaten?
Well, usually about ten.
Are you shrooming right now?
No. Are you a cop?
Forget it.
Look, I did some research,
and it turns out other gyms have
all kinds of entertainment.
And we should, too,
which is why I'm gonna round up
the ragtaggiest group of underdogs...
The Traveling Wilburys?
No, Terry! How am I gonna
get the Traveling Wilburys?
Two of 'em are dead!
I'm talking about my friends,
damn it! It's my friends!
Alex, how would you like
to come do arts and crafts
with the kids
at Chuckles & Huggs?
Oh, Brad, I'd love to but
I'm super busy right now.
I have got
a serious cricket infestation
I'm trying to deal with.
Oh. Who am I kidding? I'm in.
David, how would you like to
come play music for the kids?
Sure, bro, but I'm gonna
play my music my way.
♪ Alone in a box forever
♪ You're deceased,
you're deceased! ♪
Okay, maybe you're
not right for this.
No, no! No, no! I'll
play any music any way.
What time's sound check?
Don't tell me.
I wanna be surprised.
Jane.
I'm in!
What... How did you know
what I was gonna say?
So I talked to Alex.
And I would do anything
to help my hot-ass Whoopi.
I know what kids like.
Cookies, right?
Yes.
Perfect.
Then I will teach them
how to access
their web browsing history.
Or maybe anything else.
Okay. All right.
All right. All right.
I'll teach 'em how
to organize a militia.
No.
Immigration law,
intricacies of...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You keep working on that.
Okay, I'll keep working on it.
Like that wasn't perfect.
Okay.
Ooh. "Ten must-haves
for a memorable wedding."
Oh.
I gotta text Pete!
But I can't.
But I want to!
But I can't.
Can I?
I haven't texted him
all damn day.
How much power does a
gal actually need?
Are you a lunatic?
Where did you come from?
What are you gonna do, text Pete and
give him all the power right back?
I know. I messed up.
That was a close call.
But I'm glad you're here.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
What's going on with you?
I don't know, man.
Weak. Spineless.
I know.
Disgusting.
Really grotesque.
You know, just a
garbage dog full of...
Now that I'm gettin'
fresh eyes on it,
who's to say who can text whom
and when they can text
that person and what about?
What are you doing? No!
Did you not
just hear your own offensive rant?
Jason texted me "What up."
He deserves to know what up!
How else is he gonna
find out what up? Max.
Use your thick brain. Okay?
Sure, we didn't text for a day.
Okay. We got some power.
Pretty good. But you know
what's better than some power?
Oh, yeah. Black power.
No. More power.
Ah. And the more power
we have,
then the more power...
We'll have.
What a great morning.
Ah, after another successful
text-free night. I feel amazing.
I feel fresher than a daisy...
Fuentes. Joke. And no one's
burned her in a while.
Aw! Let's brunch out.
Yeah.
Uh, Penny?
Why's it 4:00 am.?
Yo, what's up?
Oh, no.
We must've built up a tolerance
to the Noche Tussin.
You know what
we have to do, right?
Double the dose.
♪ Love times love
♪ Divided by love
♪ Equals love
to the power of love ♪
Boo!
Guys, come on!
Those are all my songs.
How could you not
like any of 'em?
Because they're doody.
- Ah. Real mature. Real mature.
- Yeah!
You want doody?
You want doody?
I'll give you doody!
♪ Doody
♪ Doody, doody
♪ Doody
Yeah!
♪ Doody
♪ Doody, doody
♪ Doody ♪
Thank you,
pretty little princess.
It's actually really good.
I didn't realize kids could
do stuff.
Wow, Brad.
I haven't seen
this many people in here
since the time I accidentally
checked in on Grindr.
You're awesome.
Thanks.
You remind me
of the late Robert Huggs.
Minus the scars from the
botched "Face/off" surgery.
Uh, thanks.
Uh, babe,
where are all the kids?
I don't know.
I don't understand why
they didn't want to watch
a riveting documentary
about natural gas extraction.
Riveting?
Yeah.
Well, why not try something a
little more on their level?
Oh!
Yeah.
Like, what did I like
when I was a kid?
Yeah.
Writing love letters
to my childhood crush
Boris Yeltsin!
No.
Oh. No.
So I finished my fourth
encore of "the doody song,"
and it's pandemonium!
I mean, I get so caught
up in the moment,
I smash my guitar!
Regretted immediately. Had to
drop three bills on a new axe.
So, yeah, pretty epic afternoon.
Wow. God, it feels so good
to have an audience again.
I mean, that rush!
That energy!
A kid threw a diaper
up on the stage.
Gross, Dave.
Oh, come on.
Jealous called.
They want "much" back
so they can form
the following sentence...
Jealous much?
Not great.
It's pretty good.
Gotta get to my gig.
Bye.
Uh, customer or do you need change
for the meter?
No. I love your store.
Oh, well, then come see
the new winter fashions.
And don't worry. We have all
the in between sizes. Yeah?
Triple medium, small big,
and horse jockey large.
Oh, you know, my cousin is
a jockey, but he's a medium.
Oh. You know,
but I do love your bracelet.
Oh! Actually, we don't carry
this in the store.
Oh, that's too bad.
You know, I saw a similar one
selling down the street
for, like, 150,
but they were all sold out.
Whoa. For 150,
I'll sell you this one.
Oh, great!
Okay, I think I have
$150 in cash on me.
Oh, you meant $150.
Damn!
Uh!
Ooh. I gotta tell ya...
That was the
best 29 hours of sleep
I've ever gotten.
And if you remember correctly,
I was once in a coma.
This is the life.
We feel terrific.
We look even better
than we feel,
which, as you'll remember,
is terrific.
How... how did we not know
power was amazing?
Kanye wrote a song about it.
Emily and Merrill Boothe
named their son after it.
Powers Boothe. Are you
not watching Nashville?
Mmm-mmm.
Get on it.
Look at this text from Pete.
"Penny, why aren't you responding?
Are you okay?
"I'm genuinely concerned
about you."
Pathetic! Pete, are you
genuinely concerned
about how much power
I have over you?
'Cause you should be.
Well, I'm bushed.
I think I'm gonna turn in.
Yeah, mama's pyooped!
Just gonna grab a quick pull
off the old sweet green sleep juice.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay.
Nothing to freak out about.
We just need to get some more
of that stuff right now.
Immediately right now.
I can't get any more.
What do you mean
you can't get any more?
There's not enough
for both of us.
Oh, God!
Aah!
♪ Doody
♪ Doody
♪ Doo
♪ Doody
♪ Doody
♪ Doody, doody, doody
♪ Doody ♪
♪ Doody ♪
♪ Doody, doody, doody,
doody doo
♪ Doody-doody ♪
♪ Doody-doody
♪ Doody, doody, doody
♪ Doody
No!
♪ Doody
♪ Doody
♪ Doody ♪
Again! Again!
Again! Okay!
Well, kids love doody.
Brad...
May I call you Brad?
It's better than yesterday
when you called me Reggie.
Thanks for everything.
I know Robert Huggs is looking
down on us, smiling. Literally.
He's buried on the roof. Face
down with a smile on his face.
Well, technically,
it's someone else's face.
Wow, man.
Very impressive job you've done here.
Aw, thanks, man.
Oh, Terry told me you
used to work in finance?
Terry says a lot of things.
Yesterday, he told me he's
concerned he may be immortal.
That is concerning.
Yes. But, uh, yeah,
I did work in finance.
Well, I'm actually a partner
at Zimmet Financial... Oh.
And we checked up on you, and
I think you'd be a great fit.
Would you ever consider
coming to work for us?
Uh... Wow.
Um, I...
Think about it.
All right.
Nope. Turning around.
Out we go.
So listen, guys. Out of nowhere,
I got offered a job today.
What? No.
You can't leave the gym.
I have a huge order to fill.
I need 500 units
by end of week...
I mean, you love kids.
What?
And I gotta prove that
I'm not a one-hit wonder.
I know I've got more
than just doody in me.
And I really wanna find a way to
relate to those little, um...
Kids?
Yep.
Real helpful, guys.
Thanks.
You know what?
I think I need to go
to my thinking spot.
This part of the condominium just
really helps me clear my head.
Hello, Max.
Thank you for coming.
I have something very important
to discuss with you.
Please, um, have a seat.
Hello, Penny. Thank
you for coming. I live here.
I have something very important
to discuss with you.
Can you stand up for a second?
What? Can you
stand up for a second?
Please, have a seat.
"Max Blum, I called you here today
because I want you to know...
"Your behavior has
affected me in the following way."
"You always..."
"Penny Hartz, I called you here
today because I want you to know...
"Your, uh, your
behavior has affected-..."
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm interventioning you.
No, that's impossible, because
I'm interventioning you.
"You've disappointed me
in the following ways, Dad!"
Wait. Did you say "Dad"?
You said "Dad," too.
Yeah.
What are we doing?
We're being a couple
of world-class idiots.
Agreed.
I mean...
You know what?
Since I've been up
for three consecutive hours,
I'm starting to think my power
theory was a little wack.
Yeah, and that Mexican
sleeping juice? Phew!
It has done a number on the
old central nervous system.
Check this out.
Nothin'.
It's not on.
That's another thing.
I can't tell when stuff
is on or off anymore.
Welp...
At least we only hurt ourselves.
Penny!
Hey, Pete!
Thank god you're okay.
I was so worried.
You didn't answer
any of my texts,
so I canceled
the rest of my trip,
and I came home
as soon as I could.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
We were doing
this whole power thing.
And it's so stupid. It
just... it got out of hand.
And honestly, I'm so sorry.
I'm so stupid.
Everybody, everyone...
Hey, listen up.
So here's the deal.
I got offered a great job.
But I love it here so much,
and you all mean so much to me,
so I decided to turn it down
and stay here with you guys.
Really? In this economy?
You gotta think long term, bro.
Um...
Yeah. You gotta
make that skrillah
if you're gonna hang on
to this vanilla.
Yeah.
Inappropriate, but thank you.
Brad, you love business stuff.
I mean, look at how much fun you
had turning this place around.
Yeah.
I mean, Whoopi was great
at mixing it up
with those very troubled
inner city Catholics,
but she was still a Vegas
lounge singer at heart.
And you're a businessman
at heart.
I do love business.
I like taking care of it,
I love gettin' down to it.
I love minding my own.
Love it as usual
or mixing it with pleasure.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm gonna take that job.
I'm gonna take it.
You gonna be okay, Terry?
Oh, we gonna be fine, Reggie.
I'll keep the gym running
using all the business
knowledge you taught me,
and that $2.5 million
I inherited
when my Aunt Doris was crushed
by that satellite.
Right.
Mmm, yeah.
I'm gonna miss you,
Terrence Chuckles.
Hey!
Aw!
Congrats, dude.
Looks like we both made it.
Proud of you, man.
I'm proud of you, too.
I just wish I could've
found my thing.
You know, like you guys did with the...
Little guys.
Kids?
Yes. Them, too.
Well...
If there's two things
I've learned working
at Chuckles & Huggs,
it's never use the bathroom
after Terry's
been in there cookin'...
Ah. And all kids love
squish mountain.
What is squish mountain?
Squish mountain!
Aah! Oh!
Oh, my God!
I found what I'm good at!
Squish mountain!
This is so rewarding!
♪ Squish mountain, yeah ♪
I need to go pee!
But you just went to the
bathroom five hours ago,
and I know I haven't given
you any water since then.
Hey, Al.
Whatcha doin'?
Runnin' a real tight ship.
Gonna have a thousand units
by E.O.D Monday.
Do you know what the
margin is on these things?
We are talking pure profit.
Oh, my God. I'm running a
child labor ring, aren't I?
Yes. Yes. yes.
Yes! Absolutely, yes!
Yes. 100%.
Okay. Okay, guys.
Come on, let's go!
Let's go!
Let's go and play!
Whoo! Come on.
This was just a game.
Wasn't it fun?