Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Other Richie Cunningham - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪



♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a live audience.

WOMAN (on TV): I'll do anything
to get a role in a Broadway play.

MAN (European accent): You
will? I want to suck your blood.

WOMAN: Does it
mean I'll get the part?

(someone whistling a tune)

(key rattles in lock)

(loud whisper):
Let's go, Rhonda.

The coast is clear.

My sister's asleep, and my
folks won't be home for hours.

(high-pitched giggling)

No, no, no!

Not here.

We'll go up to my room.

Don't wake up my little sister.

She'd want to watch.

Whoa! Ho-ho-ho!

You can't even
wait, you little devil.

(yells) (screams)

(laughing)

You rat! What'd you do that for?

It's Mom and Dad!

MARION: That's the car key.

It's not the car key, Marion.

You can't open the door... Hi!

We're home!

Shh...!

We're not home?

(yawns): Oh, hi.

Guess I fell asleep around 9:30.

I guess I fell asleep,
too, around 11:00.

How was the hardware convention?

Very nice.

A great punch bowl.

It was pretty good.

I made a very important
business contact.

I'm glad you're still up,

Richie, 'cause I want
to talk to you about it.

It tasted like lemonade,
but it had a little snap to it.

Mmm.

Marion, dear, why don't you
go on upstairs to bed, huh?

Oh, I'm not tired.

Oh, Richard, some
people got so drunk.

Yeah.

Well, then why don't you
put Joanie to bed, huh?

Come on, dear.

I'll help you up the stairs.

(groans)

Good night, Mom.

Your mother got
so silly tonight.

She wanted to wear my hat!

I mean, you can
see it's a man's hat.

But you had a good time.

Oh, yeah, we had
a very good time.

We met this nice
couple from Nebraska...

George and Henrietta McKinnie.

He's in bathrooms.

What?

Makes bathroom fixtures...
You know, toilets, sinks.

In Nebraska he's known
as the "Prince of Porcelain."

You know, if I
play my cards right,

I could be his
Milwaukee distributor.

That's terrific!

MARION: ♪ Just Molly and
me, and baby makes three ♪

♪ We're happy in
my blue heaven... ♪

Marion, the party's over!

MARION: Aw... Listen, Richard,

this toilet guy could be
big business for the family,

but I can't close the
deal without your help.

I want you to take out
McKinnie's daughter, Winifred.

Winifred?

Yeah, they call her Winnie.

Winnie McKinnie? Mm-hmm.

She's a nice girl. I met her.

She has a great personality.

Well, is it that important, Dad?

It's that important.

Well, all right,

I'll take out a Winnie McKinnie.

Aw, thanks a lot.

I knew you would.

By the way, the whole
evening'll be on me.

You just pick her
up tomorrow night

at the hotel at 7:00.

Dad, I-I can't take
her out tomorrow.

(chuckles)

Don't kid your
old dad... it's late.

Well, I'm not kidding.

I already have a
date for tomorrow.

Why?

Why do I have a date?

Dad, didn't we have this
talk that summer I got tall?

Now, I know why,

but why does it have
to be tomorrow night?

I mean, this is business...
It's got to be tomorrow night,

because the next day the
McKinnies are leaving town.

I've been planning
this date for two weeks.

I'm doubling with Ralph,
and we're taking out twins,

and they won't
go out separately.

What are they, Siamese?

I just can't let Ralph down.

Oh, no, no, you just go
ahead and let your father down.

Dad! Mom fell
asleep in the bathtub.

Is the water running? No.

Well, then leave me alone!

Dad, I'll do you a
favor any other time.

No, no, that's
all right, Richard,

you just forget about me.

You go on out with
your old buddy Ralph.

I suppose it was Ralph
who used to take you

to those Indian Guide meetings
and wear those silly feathers

and go "hey-ya,
hey-ya" all the time, huh?

And I suppose it was
Ralph who bought you

a new bike and taught
you how to ride it.

Is that when he broke his arm?

Young lady, I'd be a slim
man today if I didn't have to eat

all those crummy cookies
that you couldn't sell.

You're mad at him.

Yeah. And I suppose it was Ralph

who delivered your
papers in the rain

because your mother was
afraid you'd catch cold, huh?

Boy, this is a real tearjerker.

And I caught the cold

and had to go to work
with a 102 temperature.

And what about the time
I walked into your room...

Dad, I'll do it! Uh-huh, uh-huh.

I knew he'd crack.

You promised your father? Yeah.

What about Ralphie,
your lifelong buddy?

Who played marbles with you?

Who ate those
crummy celery sticks

your mom used to give
you for lunch. Remember?

Who taught you how to
sneak into the movies?

And what about the time your
father walked into... All right, all right!

What is this? I'm 17 years old,

and I owe everybody
in the world.

Didn't I ever do
anything for anybody?

Cunningham! Fonz! Hey, Fonz!

I want to talk to you.

Move it.

I practically live under
the same roof as you.

When you got a problem,
why don't you come to me?

Why do I got to pick
it up from the streets?

Well, I'm sorry, Fonz,
I didn't see you today.

All right, all right, let's
get down to cases.

I hear you're giving up
a date with Lori Glass.

I got to.

After all I taught you?

Whoa!

I notice there's no ketchup
on these French fries.

I don't like ketchup. I do.

I had to break the date.

My father fixed
me up with this girl.

Yeah, I heard... My
grapevine told me.

The disaster from Nebraska.

(laughing)

Have you seen her, Fonz? No.

But this chick
could be a real loser.

Why give up a bird in the
hand for a dog in the bush?

I'm helping my
father's business.

Besides, he says she's
got a great personality.

How many times
have I got to tell you,

when a parent says a
chick's got a great personality,

said chick should have
a bag over her head.

Now, listen.

Lori Glass is the big time.

You break a date with her,

you ain't gonna get
a second chance.

I know.

I'll take Lori out.

More ketchup.

I don't think she'd be
happy with a pinch hitter.

Listen, I'll be
happy with anybody.

It's got to be a double date.

Fonz, you got to... I've
already laid the groundwork.

Wait a minute, wait a
minute, time-out, time-out.

Now, this chick from Nebraska,
can anything develop here?

No, she's going home
tomorrow. All right, all right.

And you're never gonna
see her again, right?

I never saw her in
the first place. Right.

That's it!

Meet the other
Richie Cunningham.

Huh? "Huh?"

Man, you guys are so backward.

Now, dig it.

Potsie takes Richie's place
and takes out Miss Nebraska.

Ralph, Richie, you
take out the Glass twins.

Miss Nebraska goes home,

nobody knows the difference,

everybody's happy, and
you got a perfect plan.

I'd be happy.

I'd be happy.

I'd be taking out a girl
with a bag over her head.

No way.

Where does it say,
"Nerd ruins plan"?

I should get paid for this.

All right! It's all settled!

You come on the date with me,

and Potsie's gonna
be Richie Cunningham.

Nah, we'd never
get away with it.

I agree. Would we?

I heard the twins
got French blood.

Maybe we would.
Pots, what do you say?

Wait a minute, Rich.
Come on, listen.

You can use my car, and
I'll even pay for the gas.

You're not gonna con
me, Rich. Wait a minute.

I'll throw in an
extra five dollars.

My affections can't be bought!

Could they be rented for ten?

Rented, sure.

You got it.

Five from me, five
from Ralph. Deal.

Look at this... I rented
a nerd for five dollars.

♪ Splish, splash, I
was taking a bath ♪

♪ Along about a
Saturday night... ♪

RICHIE: There's an
empty booth right there.

I-I thought you girls had
to go to the ladies' room.

Here's two dimes. It's on me.

Bring me the change.

All right, what's with you?

Nothing. You're
not kidding, nothing.

You haven't even put
an arm around Lori yet.

What are you doing?

I'm waiting for
the right moment.

Rich, we went to
a drive-in movie...

The right moment passed.

You should have
followed my lead.

By the time they flashed
From Here to Eternity

on the screen, I
already had bare arm.

And then when Borgnine
was beating up Sinatra,

I had bare shoulder.

And then when Lancaster
had Kerr on the beach,

I was getting bare lip.

What happened during
the Pearl Harbor attack?

Nothing. I wouldn't miss
the Pearl Harbor attack!

I watched.

I can't concentrate on the twins

because I'm worried
Potsie's gonna do

something stupid with Winnie.

Like what?

Like bring her here to Arnold's!

What'd he bring her
here for? What an idiot!

I can't believe it.
You wait for the girls.

Hi there. Oh, hey.

This is my date Winnie.

This is my good
friend... Warren.

Hi, Warren.

Uh, you having a nice time?

Sure. It's easy to see

why Richie's the president
of the student body.

(chuckles): The president.

Uh, could I talk to
you for a minute, Rich?

Well, I'm really kind of busy.
Well, I was just wondering

what you're doing here, where
everybody knows you by name?

They'd know him
wherever we went.

After all, who doesn't
know the captain of the track

and football team?

She forced it out of me.

Come here, Mr. President.

You're stretching my sweater.

And where's the twins?
They're in the ladies' room.

What'd you bring her here for?

Didn't people say "Hi,
Potsie" when you walked in?

Sure. I'm a popular guy. Well?

I told her that was my nickname.

That's why I didn't call you
Potsie... I'm always thinking.

Well, think about getting out
of here... this is very dangerous.

Okay.

(chuckles)

It was nice meeting you. Yeah.

So long, Rich. Bye, Warren.

I'll save you.

Ralph! Hi, Richie. Potsie!

Potsie? I thought that
was your nickname.

Why is he Potsie?

Well... It's my nickname, too.

It's a club. We're all
nicknamed Potsie.

Yeah, I'm Potsie, too.
Everybody's Potsie.

Hi, Potsie.

In Nebraska, we
just use our names.

This is a fun town. Yeah.

Well, Winnie, we
better be running along.

Right.

Oh, the check,
old boy, it's on you.

Huh? Fonz.

Hey, aren't you going to
introduce me to your friend?

Oh, sure, Fonz, this
is my date, Winnie.

And I'm Richie, also
nicknamed Potsie.

This here's Warren,
also known as Potsie,

and this here's Ralphie,
also nicknamed Potsie. Potsie.

I think it's cute.

Why don't they call you Potsie?

Hey...!

Uh, he's not in the
club. He's not in the club.

What club?

ALL: Uh, the The Potsie Club.

Come on, Winnie. Bye, Fonz.

The Potsie Club, I'd
rather be a Mouseketeer.

(phone ringing)

HOWARD: Hello?

Well, hello, George, old buddy.

Winifred home yet?

What?

Oh, not Richie.

Now wait a minute, that's
my son you're talking about.

Yeah, but, but there must be

some explanation, George.

What? Yes, all right,

of course we'll
pay for her dress.

George? George?

What happened?

Your son is an animal!

Your son took Winifred
up to Inspiration Point

and he... he went crazy!

I don't believe it.

I do.

Would you believe
that she tore her dress

trying to get away from Richie?

She wouldn't even
drive home with him?

She hitchhiked
back to the hotel?

No, I don't believe it.

I believe it. What
else did he do?

Well, he just, he just
gave me the highlights.

Why am I telling you this?

Winifred just got home
and she's hysterical!

Oh, now, Howard,
control yourself.

I am perfectly
controlled, Marion.

I think I'll kill him.

How could he do
a thing like this?

Our son, a Boy Scout.

I think he made
Explorer tonight.

You go to bed, Joanie.

Now, Howard, let
Richard explain.

He's never done
anything like this before.

Of course not!

He's been saving
it up for tonight!

Tonight, the most
important night of my life.

I could have been the
toilet king of Milwaukee.

♪ I found my thrill ♪

♪ On Blueberry Hill. ♪

Hi, everybody.

Can I have his record player?

All I want is his throat.

♪ On Blueberry Hill... ♪

You go to bed.

How was your dinner?

Just fine. How was
your date with Winifred?

Great.

Wonderful, terrific girl.

What an evening,
it was unforgettable.

"Unforgettable," Marion.

Why don't you tell
us about it, huh?

What can I say?

Everything went perfectly.

I was suave, sophisticated.

I had her in the
palm of my hand.

Palm of his hand. Did
you hear that, Marion?

Can I have his car?

Up!

I really came
through for you, Dad.

She's going to be talking
about this evening for a while.

He's beautiful.

Thanks, Dad!

Howard!

Marion!

Could I talk to you
for a minute, son?

Sure, Dad... you
need another favor?

Come here.

George McKinnie just called.

Winifred just got home.

She had to hitchhike.

Of course, that's no big deal.

I mean, it's easy to hitchhike

when you're standing on
the road in a torn dress!

A torn dress?

Yes, a torn dress!

Now that must have
happened someplace

between suave and sophisticated!

Dad... What, what,
what, what, what?!

Was she telling the
truth to her father, huh?

I, I can't say...

Marion, where did we go wrong?

Where did we go wrong?
I didn't teach him that!

Well, you think I did?

Now, look, you got us into this

and you're going to get us out.

Tomorrow you're going
over to the McKinnie's

and apologize before
they leave town.

I can't.

You can't?

Perhaps you didn't
notice the tone of my voice.

That wasn't a question,
that was a command.

Marion, to bed!

It's those Esquire magazines.

They should be banned!

You, up!

Okay, okay.

Richie, I'm proud of you.

You're not a nerd,
you're an animal!

Sit on it, Joanie.

Richie, whatever
you have to say to me,

you better say it fast,

because the McKinnies
are on their way over here

for an apology.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, boys.

Hey, Mrs. C., how are you?

Hi, Mr. C. Did
you tell them yet?

No, I was saving that for you.

Look, fellas, this is really
not a very good time.

We're having a little
personal problem.

Mr. C., I know all about it.

Believe me, I'm more
disgusted than you are.

The whole world
knows our business?

They're here for a reason, Dad.

Sure, to laugh at me.

There's something
that you have to know.

You see, actually, it was Potsie

who ripped Winifred's dress.

You mean, you held
her and he ripped it?

Marion, you better go upstairs.
They're crazier than I thought.

Last night, Ralph and I
took out the Glass twins.

And we paid Potsie ten bucks

to take out Winifred
and pretend he was me.

Oh, my son's not an animal.

I'm the animal.

(chuckles)

Do you understand?

Hey, that's a great plan, Mr. C.

Hey... Oh...

It almost worked.

She really liked
me there for a while.

Yeah, we figured as long
as she didn't know me,

what difference could it make?

What could go wrong?

Now listen, I don't want
to hear any more plans.

The McKinnies are
on their way over here

and we are going
to tell them the truth,

the entire truth, and
hope they'll understand.

No?

Bad plan!

The truth is a bad plan?

The worst.

Just let Potsie
apologize to the chick.

Yeah, but isn't it better

that they really find
out it wasn't my son?

No...

Hey, Mr. C, just take a seat.

I'll tell you about
women, all right?

Boys.

This could be very enlightening.

Now, listen, you got
to understand women.

They are not real people.

Excuse me, Mrs. C., huh?

Now listen, they expect
a guy to make a pass.

They get angry, believe me.

They expect it.

But... now this
is a crucial but...

Let them feel that
they got dumped...

passed from hand to hand,
unwanted, sight unseen,

and you've got hurt feelings.

Maybe he's right, Dad.

Maybe I'm right?

He's wrong.

I'm wrong?

Now, look, I don't want

to hear any more about this.

We are going to tell the truth

and I don't want to
hear any arguments!

The Fonz is wrong?

(doorbell rings)

Oh... Well, George,
Winifred, come on in.

Well, there it is.

That's what your son did.

My father made me wear it.

Well, make your apology quick.

My wife's waiting in the cab.

This whole thing
has given her a rash.

Well, actually,
George, there's a...

there's a humorous
side to this whole thing.

(laughs)

But if we can be
serious for just a minute.

You see, George,
sometimes things are not

really what they appear to be.

And, uh, sometimes

people, they, they aren't,
what they appear to be either.

What I'm really trying
to say is that, uh,

I don't think Richard
knew what he was doing.

I could tell.

The fact is, George...
Wait a minute.

Richard, apologize!

Sure, Dad.

My record's clean.

I'm really sorry. I mean it.

You're very
pretty and nice girl,

and I never would have
even thought of acting

the way I did...

if you didn't have such
a deep, sultry voice.

Richard, just apologize.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry
for what happened.

I mean it and I apologize, okay?

Okay.

HOWARD: Ah, good boy.

Well now, son, isn't it
good to tell the truth?

Huh? Sure is, Dad.

You've got a great
son there, Mr. C.

Howard, I'm, uh,

well, I didn't really mean
to be such a hothead.

It's all right, George,
hardware people are like that.

Yeah, well, uh, we better be
going or we'll miss our train.

Richie, will you move your
car? I can't get my bike out.

Richie? I thought he was Warren.

Well, yeah, you
see I'm Warren...

Warren? No.

That's Potsie's real name.

Now I'm getting a rash!

Who is that girl?

Oh, don't mind her.

She's the little
girl from next door.

She needs glasses.

Go home, little girl,
your kitten isn't here.

Well, George, I guess
you better hurry up.

You're going to miss your train.

Howard...

Uh, look, George,
we'll talk next week.

You see, I'm going to
put a display in my window

featuring all your fixtures.

The whole window?

Sure.

Winifred,

why don't you wait in
the cab with your mother?

And tell her not to scratch.

I'll be right out.

Howard, I think
we'd better talk now.

You see, when I
go to conventions,

I like to have fun.

Well, so do I.

Yeah, but part of my fun
is lying about my business.

Lying?

I'm really not the
Prince of Porcelain.

I have a little store,
smaller than yours.

Well, I better be going.

That cab's costing me a fortune.

He's not my son!

What do you think of that?!

We paid that kid
to rip her dress!

What do you think of that?

You mean, I
apologized for nothing?

No. Bathroom fixtures or not,

they deserved an apology
for what happened last night.

Well, I'm really sorry about it.

It was my fault.

No, it wasn't.

It was my fault.

No, it wasn't.

Hey...

It was my fault.

Right.

Richard's social life
should not be used

for my business deals.

It was wrong and I'm sorry.

Well, I'm sorry I lied.

I'm sorry I messed up the date.

I'm sorry George
turned out to be a liar.

I'm sorry I wasted a
whole morning here.

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days... ♪

Oh, the next time I
come up with a plan,

I'll handle all the women, huh?

Hey!

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye gray
sky, hello blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪