Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 3, Episode 4 - Fearless Fonzarelli: Part 2 - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪



♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

JACK SMITH (over P.A.):
Tonight, live from Arnold's Drive-In

and Milwaukee
Fried Chicken Stand,

You Wanted To See It brings
you one of the most exciting events

it's ever been our
privilege to bring you.

Arthur Fonzarelli,

better known as
Fearless Fonzarelli,

will attempt a
record-breaking jump

over 14 garbage cans.

This is the moment
you've been waiting for.

(engine turns)

He starts it up.

(onlookers shouting)

(engine revving)

He-he's just
practicing, that's all.

Yeah. Trying
to get a feel of it.

I'm worried Fonzie's
going to break his neck.

No, he's not.

(onlookers shouting)

I don't care what he leaves
me. I hope he can do it.

(engine idling)

(onlookers shouting
over drumroll)

(shouting stops,
drumroll continues)

(engine revving)

(drumroll continues)

(drumroll stops,
engine revs hard)

(distorted cheering)

(tires screeching)

(screaming)

Am I dead?

HOWARD: Are you all right, Fonz?

(yelling)

Where does it hurt,
huh? Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's get him inside. Easy.

I'm all right.

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, I'm all right.

It's just my leg.

I'm cool. I'm always cool.

MAN 1: All right, Fonz!

MAN 2: Way to go, Fonz!

Let's get him inside.

(cheering and applause)

POTSIE: Come
on, careful Watch it.

(clamoring voices)
Watch it. Careful.

How's it feel,
Fonz? How's it feel?

Hey, it's all right.

I just bumped it. It'll pass.

How's my bike?

I think it's going to
pull through all right.

Yeah, it's really
tough! Hey, Arnold!

He's outside crying over a
pile of crushed chicken wings.

Let me ask you a question.

Why did he put the
chicken stand right there?

Oh, you were supposed
to veer to the left.

A guy jumping over 14
barrels has got the right of way.

Yeah. That's in
the drivers' manual.

Right. Now put me
down. Give somebody else

a chance, will ya? Right.

Okay. Easy.

Okay, Fonz.

All right, girls, come here.

MARION: Howard, help him.

Well, I think he
wants girls, Marion.

Of course. Isn't that sweet?

Fearless, we'll be
back on in just a second.

Can you talk, or are
you in too much pain?

Hey, I laugh at pain.

(laughing)

We're coming back.

Could you come
over just a little?

Right over to here. That's it.

Well, welcome back
to You Wanted to See It,

and tonight you saw it.

A new world's record
set by Fearless Fonzarelli.

Fearless, this must be
a proud moment for you.

Would you tell our live audience

how you feel at this moment?

Yeah, like a jerk.

Do you hear that, folks?

He feels like... a jerk?

Yeah. I was a nerd
to make the jump.

A guy doesn't
got to risk his face

to prove to his
friends that he's cool.

Right... That's right,
Fonzie. That's tellin' 'em!

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, I know I'm right.

I know I'm right.

Thanks, Fearless.

I see what you mean... Yeah.

I think.

Now, when you were
making this jump,

was there any special
equipment that you used?

Hey, hey, listen. I've
got to tell you something.

My TV career is
over. Short, but sweet.

Anyway, America, it
was nice to meet you.

Good-bye and good luck.

Everybody, say good-bye.

Bye, America. Good-bye.

Take care. Right this way.

Come on. We've got
autographs over here.

Arnold! Arnold!

Let's talk to Arnold,

the man behind this great feat.

Feat, feat, what feat?

A young hood crashing
through a chicken stand,

that's no feat.

You want to see
a feat? Watch this.

Hello, America.

Arnold's now having a slightly
damaged chicken wing sale.

One-half price and
we mail it anywhere.

Did you see what
they did to my chicken?

(speaking Chinese)

(imitates engine revving)

Oh... (imitates horn honk)

(speaking Chinese)

Arnold, thank you for those
very interesting comments.

What comments? I
was cussing in Chinese.

Arnold, you're
really a great kidder.

Now would you just say
"good-bye" in another language?

Oh, sure. ¡Adios, amigos!

All right, that's enough
autographs, girls.

Here we go.

Hey, Richie... this leg
don't stand no more.

(onlookers murmuring)

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
it's all right. It's all right.

You're not all right,
are you, Fonzie?

There's something
wrong with your knee.

There is nothing wrong...
It just don't move. It'll pass.

Look, we've got to get
you to a hospital, Fonz.

I'll get the car.

Oh, no, no, no, not
the De Soto, man.

That's for squares.

What do you mean, for squares?

It's got hydromatic.

If I go, I want to go
in an ambulance,

with a red flashing light.

And big windows, so
I can wave to my fans.

(siren wailing)

And then the guy in
the sombrero says,

"You ask me if I know
Pedro? I had lunch with him."

(laughing)

Hey, come on, Fonz.

We came over to cheer you up.

Yeah, Fonz, you
haven't even laughed yet,

and I've been using
my class material...

My idiot jokes, my smut
jokes, my elephant jokes.

Here's my best one.

Why did... why did the elephant
stand on the marshmallow?

So he wouldn't fall
in the hot chocolate!

(laughing)

How long you guys going
to stay here to cheer me up?

All afternoon, Fonz.

Yeah, we're your pals.

All right, guys, it's time

for the ultimate
cheer-up weapon.

ALL: ♪ Da-da, da, da, da, da! ♪

♪ Da! ♪

Okay, it didn't work.

How about a sing-along?

All right, okay.

♪ To know, know, know him ♪

♪ Is to love, love, love him ♪

♪ And we do, and
we do, and we do ♪

♪ And we do, and
we do, and we do ♪

♪ And we do... ♪

All right, what's going on?

You're not responding here.

There's something
you're not telling us.

Hey, there is nothing wrong.

If there was something wrong

I would tell you,
wouldn't I? Huh?

The Fonz does not pout.

Come on, Fonz. Whatever
it is, it can't be that bad.

Well, what do doctors
know, anyway?

What did they say, Fonz?

I got a torn cartilage.

Oh, no... A torn cartilage...

All right, all right,
all right, cool it.

Cool it. It's not that bad.

Uh, what else did
they say, Fonz?

I'm going to have
to have an operation.

Oh, that hurts. Oh,
not an operation.

Wait a minute. Will
you just wait a minute?

Oh!

Listen, it's not that bad.

Medical techniques are
very advanced now, Fonz.

Cunningham, Cunningham, I
think you'd be more convincing

without the rubber nose.

All right, Fonz, I
don't blame you.

I was once afraid when I had...

Afraid? The Fonz afraid?

Oh, no, no, Fonz, I was afraid.

Not you. I didn't mean
you. Did I mean him?

Of course not. Sure. Why worry?

Those operations are nothing.

Yeah, nothing.

They just get in
there and rip it out.

Rip it out?

Uh, he didn't mean that
the way it sounded, Fonz.

Hey, I want to
tell you something.

"Rip it out" does not thrill me.

Would you please use the exit?

But you don't look
happy yet, Fonz.

Hey, if you leave,
I'll look very happy.

Okay, Fonz, see ya.

Bye, Fonz.

Cunningham, you stay here.

Hey, Fonz, neat ashtray.

Get out of here, nerd.

I don't like this. I
don't like this at all.

I'll tell you, that
doctor, I don't trust him.

He's always coming
in here joking.

Comes through that door,
he says "Room service!"

(laughing)

That's not funny.

Now, I want to ask your
advice about something.

Hey, you want to ask my advice?

I'm not going to use
it... I just want to hear it.

Okay, Fonz, go ahead.

Yeah. I want, I'm going to
lay out the problem for you.

Now the doctor says if I don't
have that cartilage removed,

it could be big trouble.

I could be just fine,

and all of a sudden
that knee just swells up.

I could have a trick knee.

I couldn't even
start my own bike.

That sounds bad.

You better get the operation.

Yeah. Well, I mean I could
date chicks with muscular legs.

I mean, they could
start my bike for me.

Then you don't
need the operation.

Yeah, but I hate chicks
with muscular legs.

Get the operation.

Now, how can I ask your advice?

Do you ever make up your mind?

Well, yeah, sure...
Well, no, not always.

Well, sometimes
I-I can and then...

Put the nose back on,
will you? (knock at door)

Room service!

Come on in, Doc.

Yeah? What'd I tell you.

Well, Mr. Fonzarelli,
how are we doing?

How are we doing?

Your knee looks
fine. Mine don't move.

That's very amusing.

I have some good news for you.

I've been able to
schedule your surgery

for 8:00 tomorrow morning.

Hey, I don't get up till 9:00.

Good. Then we'll save
money on the anesthesia.

(laughing)

You know, I love this work.

(doctor chortling)

I got it, Fonz. I got it.

This is the one, this is
really going to cheer you up.

Okay, what is that?

Now what is that?

I don't know, Malph. What is it?

It's a spider doing
push-ups against a mirror.

What is this?

When Bob Hope works
hospitals, they all laugh.

Last time I do a benefit.

Hey, guys, I know what he wants.

The Fonz wants more singing.

Right. Let's go. All right.

♪ To know, know, know him ♪

♪ Is to love, love, love him ♪

♪ And we do, and
we do, and we do ♪

♪ And we do, and we do,
and we do and we do... ♪

Asleep, Fonz?

No, I'm wide awake.

They're going to take
me to the rip-out room

any minute now.

Well, you certainly
have a healthy attitude.

Oh, yeah, I... oh, am I zonked!

They gave me, uh, a
shot, uh, sodium, some...

Sodium pentothal?

Oh, yeah... great stuff, yeah.

That's a truth serum.

Yeah, no kidding, I
ain't lying, I loved it!

(giggling)

I wonder if it
comes in six packs.

(giggling)

Fonz?

(squeaking): Yeah?

Mom said that when you come home

you can stay
downstairs on the couch.

She did?

She did?

She did.

Hey, Mr. C. Huh?

We're going to
have a lot of laughs.

Yeah, laughs.

Oh, hey, you
look great in those,

in those glasses
with the big nose.

Fonz? Huh?

Why don't you rest now, okay?

No, no, I want, I want
to tell you something,

I want to tell you something.

You know how I dress in my,
in my jacket, and my T-shirt,

and my jeans, and my boots,
and everybody thinks I'm so cool?

Yeah, listen, this
is the truth serum.

Yeah, well the
truth is, I am cool.

(giggling)

(knocking)

Gentlemen, I'm Sister Katherine.

Hiya, Sis!

It's the anesthetic, Sister.

I know.

Is there anything I
can do for you, son?

Yeah, how, how about, I'd
like to ask you a question.

Is there really a heaven?

Well, I'm counting on it.

And anybody can get in, I mean,

I don't want to be
stuck on a cloud

with a lot of nerds, you know.

Nerds?

Well, that's an
angel who's not cool.

Oh, I... I see.

Well, uh, there will
be, uh, cool clouds,

and uh, nerd clouds.

Aaayyh!

Uh, what does that mean?

"Aaayyh!" means fantastic!

Oh, well, this job
is so educational.

It's been very nice meeting you.

God bless you.

Sister?

Everything's going
to be okay, right?

Aaayyh!

Hey, that's a groovy lady.

Well, I guess it's time for
you to take a ride, Fonz.

Oh, yeah.

(imitating motorcycle)

Hey, I can do it myself.

I can... just don't do any
wheelies down the hall!

HOWARD: We'll be
waiting for you, Fonzie.

Yeah, you know, don't
worry or anything...

I ain't scared.

Oh, yeah.

All right, now try
and move that knee.

I can't.

Well, why not?

It's been a week
since the operation.

Hey, I tried. I can't, Doc.

I don't snow docs, you
know. If I say I can't, I can't.

Oh, here's the pillow
you wanted, Fonz.

And here's the puzzle book, too.

Oh, hey, connect the
dots! That's my favorite!

Thanks a lot, Shortcake.

Listen, would you do me a favor?

Be a good kid and
find me the TV listings,

they're around here somewhere.

Oh, sure, Fonz. Yeah.

RICHIE: Hey, Fonz, a guy
just brought your bike back.

Everybody chipped
in and got it fixed.

Well, how is it?

Oh, it's great. Just like new.

It cost five extra bucks to get
the chicken smell out, though.

Maybe I better go and see
if Arthur needs anything.

Arthur, Arthur, Arthur!

That's all I've
heard for a week!

When is he going to get
better and get off my couch?

When is he going to get
better and get off my couch?

Cunningham, you've
got a problem in there,

and I want to talk
to this whole family.

Well, what can we do to help?

That's just the point,
you've done too much.

You've waited on
him hand and foot.

There's no reason
for him to get up.

Since I came in here you
gave him chocolate cake,

a glass of milk, you changed
the television stations twice,

and, and your daughter Shortcake

has been running up and
down the stairs like a mad thing!

Why, they don't get
this kind of attention

in the intensive care!

You've got to get
him up on his feet

and get him walking.

But he says it
hurts him to walk.

Of course it hurts,
that's normal.

Most of my patients
are up in two days.

Did you tell him that?

Yes, I told him that.

He called me a nerd.

Actually, I, I'm an
orthopedic surgeon.

Well, we'll talk to him, Doctor.

Listen, the time
has gone for talk.

This family has got to
do everything in its power

to get that boy up and walking.

Oh, that was some meal.

(humming)

Hey, Fonz! Your
motorcycle's on fire!

What? My motorcycle's
on fire?! (Marion shouting)

(all shouting): Get up! Get up!

Get up! Get up!

Run, run, run! Wait a
minute! Wait a minute!

What's wrong with you people?

I can't move. You're
not moving. Which...

Oh...

You don't want to move,
'cause you want me to move.

You're just joshing
the Fonz, huh?

My motorcycle ain't on fire.

Fonzie, Dr. Bliss
says you should have

been up days ago.

What's wrong with you, Fonzie?

Well, I'll tell you
the truth about that.

I know that if I put
this leg on that floor

I'm going to be
in a lot of pain.

And I'm going to make silly
noises, and make a funny face.

But the doctor
says that's normal.

It might be normal,
but it ain't cool.

I ain't putting this
foot on that floor

until I can do it with cool.

But you've got
to try it sometime.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, I try it every day.

All right, I'll try it right now
since you're so hot to see pain!

(strained, stifled moaning)

See? Uncool, not cool!

See that?

Oh!

When do you think
it might be better?

Now how do I know?
I'm not a doctor.

Can you give me a hint?

Yeah. Whenever.

Whenever, huh?

Well, that narrows it down.

Okay, you lie on the couch.

But you're only
hurting yourself.

Come on, Marion.

You really should get up, Fonz.

It's not your fault,
it takes a long time

and it really must feel
just terrible, and I really...

Marion!

You should get up, Fonzie!

Nobody understands cool
but me and James Dean.

Now, Arthur, don't you feel
more comfortable in pajamas?

Mm-hmm.

He's hardly said a word all day.

All he can say is he
can't talk to people

who want him to be uncool.

Don't worry, my plan will work.

Now just leave me alone with him

for a little while, all right?

Good night, dear.

It better work... I
want my couch back.

We're going to bed, Arthur.

What time is it, Howard?

It's whenever.

(doorbell ringing)

Don't bother
getting up, I'll get it.

I wasn't thinking about it.

Oh, hi, girls, come on in.

Come on in.

Oh, look at the Fonz.

Doesn't he look cute
in his little jammies?

All right now, girls.
Clam up, and about face!

Cunningham, would
you get me my jacket?

Yeah, right, Fonz.

I told you I didn't want
anybody to see me this way.

I just invited them
over to cheer you up.

I got all their numbers out
of your black books, Fonz.

And I only took the ones with
three stars next to their name.

This is your starting line-up.

All right, girls, you
can turn around now.

How does he feel?

The Fonz is fine.

I am F-I-N-E!

Well, not really.

He can't walk,
he's totally helpless.

Helpless? Yeah.

But Fonzie, I thought
we were supposed to go

on a hay ride this
Saturday, remember?

You were going to put hay
on your motorcycle seat?

Yeah.

Well, you know, maybe, I...

Oh, you think you'll
be better by Saturday?

That's great.

You see, I knew you were...

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, I ain't better.

Yeah, right. He won't be
ready to go by Saturday. No.

Well, I guess I'll have
to go with Raymond.

RICHIE: Raymond. Raymond.

Hey, aren't we going to go
to the beach on Friday night?

And cuddle by the fire?

Well, if he can't
walk by Saturday,

he won't be able to walk Friday.

He's stuck on the couch here.

Well, I guess I'll just
have to go with Potsie.

Potsie?

Potsie and the beach.

What do you think of
that, Fonz? Huh? Huh?

I think that's great.

You think it's great?

Oh, yeah.

Well, sorry, girls.

Hey, listen, I'm available all
week with my two good legs.

GIRL 1: Good-bye.
GIRL 2: See you later.

We can go dancing or something.

Bye!

Thanks anyway.

Hold it, Cunningham.

That was a rotten plan, huh?

Your trick didn't work.

Yeah, I know, I know...
you'll walk... whenever.

All right, hold it.

Just don't tell
anybody you saw this.

Saw what?

Now... it's whenever.

(groans)

(groans loudly)

Fonz, you're standing up!

Of course I'm standing up!

What do you think
I'm going to do?

Stay on that couch all my life?

(yelling)

You're, you're walking
real good there, Fonz.

Does your knee hurt?

Of course it hurts, I
just had an operation!

Now listen to me.

I want to tell you something.

I'm not doing this
because of your dumb plan.

I just want to stretch
my legs, that's all.

Yeah, right, Fonz, right.

Oh! Whoo!

All right now, I'm going to try

and get my cool into shape here.

(seething)

How'd I do?

You did great, Fonz.

My face. How's my face?

You, you look cool.

Yeah... Yeah.

I want to tell you something.

It's killing me and no
one will ever know. Yeah.

Hey, girls, I'm up!

Thanks.

All right, girls, aaayyh!

(light theme music
plays over TV)

SMITH: Hi there, and welcome
to You Wanted To See It.

In a moment, we're going
to have an amazing excerpt

from a previous show.

Hey, they're going
to show the jump.

Hurry up, come on, they're
going to show the jump!

Hey, come on, Fonz, they're
going to show your jump.

Come on! Dad, come
on down, they're going

to show Fonzie's
jump! All right.

Death defying jump.

Once again he's
revving up his engine...

(drumroll) He's
waiting... waiting...

(onlookers shouting)

And there he goes!

Engine roaring,
he's up the ramp!

And up... he's in the air!

He made it!

Oh, man, Fonz, that
was a great jump.

That was terrific.

You know, Arthur, you
should never have tried that.

Hey, well let me
tell you something.

I was a nerd to try that jump.

But I sure was beautiful, huh?

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These are such happy days. ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪