Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 3, Episode 6 - Richie Fights Back - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪



♪ You know they said
you was high class ♪

♪ Well, that was just a lie... ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a live audience.

♪ Well, you ain't
never caught a rabbit ♪

♪ And you ain't
no friend of mine ♪

♪ You ain't nothing
but a hound dog ♪

♪ Barking all the time... ♪

Hey, Joanie, what are
you doing with this kid?

I happen to be his date.

Oh, I thought you
were his baby-sitter.

Sit on it, Potsie.

Boy, that Joanie's got
some mouth, you know?

Don't bother me now,
Pots, I'm hot as a pistol.

Old Ralphie's won a free game

and I still got
three balls left.

I'm a legend in my own time.

Uh-oh, there's
Rocko and Frankie.

I wonder who they're
going to pick on.

Will you leave me alone, Pots?

I'm going to light
up the gator's mouth.

It's me. They're
going to pick on me.

Stop whining.

They hate people with
neat hair and perfect teeth.

I feel like playing pinball.

Why not?

Nobody's using the machine.

Oh, good, they're
picking on you.

Hey, fellas, watch it. I'll
be done here in a minute.

Hey, come on. Will
you wait till I'm done?

I'm done. Who's next?

Why didn't you tell me

they were standing
right behind me?

I did tell ya!

Who listens to you?

Hey, look. All right,

Rich is going on a picnic

with Stephanie Honker.

What are you
getting mad at me for?

It looks like the picnic's over.

Hey, Rich, what's with Steph?

Yeah, what'd you do,
step in her potato salad?

No, I lost a few points outside.

We stopped by to get
a soda for the picnic.

Frankie and Rocko told me

that I had their parking
space and moved me out.

Now wait a minute. Nobody
gets a reserved parking space.

I told them.

Look what they
did to my thermos.

This place hasn't been safe

since they've been
hanging around.

True. Some of these
kids are really scared.

Hey, Malph!

Yes, sir!

Over here!

All right, over there. I
was coming over there.

See, I was over there, now
I'm over here. Here I am.

The bells don't work on this
machine, did you break them?

Oh, no, no, no. They were
broken before. Hey, Potsie.

Weren't these
bells broken before?

I don't think... Potsie!

Yeah, broken.

What's pinball without bells?

It's pretty quiet.

Hey, that's a good one, Ralph!

Shh, shh!

Hey... I'll get us some bells.

Hey, go get Mr. Parking
Lot over there,

and tell him to
leave his little basket.

Mr. Parking Lot, they want you.

Leave the little basket.

Me?

Yeah, you heard me.

We want you to fix the bell.

Oh, it's just it's just
the pinball machine.

Well, listen, why don't
you let me get Arnold?

He's got all the tools
and he knows all about it.

I don't know very much about...

Who needs Arnold?

You're going to fix
it with your mouth.

My mouth?

Come over here. Come here.

Every time the
ball hits something,

you go "Bong, bong," get it?

Hey, I like that idea, huh?

Well, I'd look pretty
silly, wouldn't I?

If you don't "bong, bong,"

you're going to
look pretty silly

with your nose on the
other side of your face!

That would look silly.

Silly, Rich. Pretty silly,
Rich. Yeah, I'd do it.

Shoot, Rocko.

I don't hear any bells.

Bong, bong.

What?

Bong! Bong! Bong!
Bong... You missed one.

Bong! Bong-bong-bong-bong.

Hey, you're doing good.

Bong, bong, bong, bong,
bong, bong, bong, bong,

bong, bong, bong, bong, bong.

Oh, hi, Steph,

I'm just playing
pinball with the guys.

Hey! You're not bonging!

Bong, bong-bong.

Ah, new rule.

Ping-pong. Come on!

Come on. Ping-pong!

Be a good pinball machine.

All right, hold
it, hold it, hold it!

Time out here, and
you hold your ping.

Now I think what we got here
is a case of mistaken identity,

you know?

See, now, this here
is a human being

and this, at closer look,
is a pinball machine.

And how does it go?

Uh, bing-bong, ping-pong!

Right, you think you got it now?

Do you think you got it?

Yeah, right. Yeah, right.

It, it was just a dumb mistake.

It could've happened to anybody.

Can't we go now?

Oh, yeah, I think you
learned enough for one day.

We wouldn't want to
overload your brain, huh?

Why don't you just
trot right out of here.

Blondie, why don't you run? Run!

(cheering)

All right, all right. Ho! Ho!

Come on! Come on!

ARNOLD: Fighting, fighting,
fighting, what's all this fighting?

You know, you're going
to break an arm or a leg

or something that costs money.

Now, come on, Arnold.

I got everything
under control, here.

Oh, you a comfort, Fonzie.

Why everybody like
to fight around here?

It couldn't be my food.

Could be.

Hey, Mr. Cunningham,
it is all over.

Would you join us, please?

What's wrong with the kid?

His date walked out on him.

You know how it is, Fonz.

I know how it is?

No, no, Fonzie, I
mean, I know how it is.

Potsie knows how it is, the
rest of the world knows how it is.

You couldn't possibly ever
know how that would be.

I'm going to take a look at him.

(yells)

Oh!

Can I ask you a question?

Mm-hmm.

Why are you beating
up the bathroom?

No reason.

Come on, now, you
look a little tense.

Fonz... Yeah?

Am I a coward?

Hey, you are not a coward.

Some guys are good lovers,

and some guys are good fighters.

I happen to be both.

I happen to be neither.

That's not true now.

I saw you driving around

with a real cutie
this afternoon.

That was before I
got my thermos bent.

She walked out on me just now

when I started bing-bonging.

I should have done
something, Fonz.

Instead all I did was bong.

Rich, you okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he's just out of sorts

from bong-bonging.

Richie, you did the right thing.

Believe me, those guys would

have rearranged your freckles.

I didn't do the right thing.

Anytime you back down,
you look like a coward.

All right then, fight.

If I fight, I'll get beat up.

Then back down.

That's some choice.

Either I lose my self-
respect or my teeth.

I say back down.

You can chew your
food without self-respect.

I know what you can do!

(karate yells)

Hey, Malph, Malph,

are you in the market
for a new flea collar?

No, that's ju-jitsu, ju-jitsu.

I got an ad in the mail.

There's a guy named
Mitsuma Tokahashi

giving ju-jitsu lessons.

Where, Tokyo?

No, he gives them right here

at Arnold's on Sunday night.

No kidding?

Yeah. He must be a friend
of Arnold's or something.

I don't know.

Do you think I should
take ju-jitsu lessons, Fonz?

Hey, most definitely.

You really think so?

Sure. That way you wouldn't have

to beat up the bathroom.

You can just flip it
over your shoulder.

(Ralph laughs)

Hey, hey, hey, stop laughing
here, show some respect.

Clean this place up,
huh? It's my office.

Right, right.

Oh, that creep Allen Lumpkin.

He won't start up with me again.

Well, what happened?

Just because he
buys a small Coke,

he thinks he can take liberties!

I told you he was no good!

He didn't fool me
with that "sir" business.

Howard, please.

Well, what did he do, dear?

He tried to kiss me, but
he won't try that again.

What do you mean?

Because I gave him a fat lip!

I think it would have
been more ladylike

if you had just said,
"I'm sorry, Mr. Lumpkin,

I am not that kind of girl."

By the time I said all that,
I'd be that kind of a girl.

She did the right thing.

That's what Richie
should have done

to those two bullies at
Arnold's this afternoon.

What are you talking
about?! You don't know!

They made him
imitate a pinball machine

in front of the whole crowd.

Bong-bong, ping-pong.

Knock it off, will ya?

Joanie, why don't you
go wash your hands

and get ready for dinner.

You can tell your mother
all about your date, huh?

I want to talk to Richard
for a couple of minutes.

Come on, Joanie, upstairs.
Tell me all the details.

Well, there's not much to tell.

One minute he
was fixing my skate,

and the next minute
he was all lips. Yech!

Tell me all about it upstairs.

Would you like to tell
me what happened?

No.

Okay.

Dad, I want to learn
how to defend myself.

I want to take ju-jitsu lessons.

Oh, now wait a minute.

Don't you think you're
overreacting a little bit?

No.

Look, when I was a kid.

I went through the
same thing myself.

You know at your
age, I, I had a tendency

to be a little bit on
the chubby side, and...

Well, sometimes the
kids picked on me.

So, what'd you do about it?

Well, sometimes I fought them,

and many times I just
walked away from them.

With the sound of
"Fat, fat, the water rat"

ringing in my ears.

So you think

I should just back
down all the time, huh?

No, no, no, no. Richard,
that's your decision.

But to my thinking,

a silly thing like
a pinball machine,

well, it's probably
better and braver

just to walk away.

What if you walk away
and they chase you?

Are these the kind of
guys that would chase you?

They're the kind of
guys who catch you.

Well, in that case,

I think you'd better learn
how to defend yourself.

Okay. Dad, I need $20
for the ju-jitsu lessons.

You don't need $20.

I taught you how to box!

Dad, boxing doesn't
come up much in real life.

Not many guys carry gloves.

All right, then I'll
teach you everything

I learned in the Army.

You're going to
teach me how to cook?

No, how to defend yourself.

Come on. Stand over here.

Now go for my throat, huh?

Dad, you told me you
were just a cook in the Army.

I stirred with one hand
and fought with the other.

Now look, I'm going
to save you $20.

Now come on, go for my throat.

Okay, Dad.

Now, get a good grip.

All right.

Don't be afraid, make
it good and strong.

I'm not afraid, Dad.

That's it. All right,
now don't worry,

I'm not going to hurt you.

Okay.

All right, here
we go. All right.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Richard?

Yeah, Dad?

The $20, it's in my back pocket.

Thanks, Dad.

Hey, look, they got real
mats and everything.

It's gonna be just like
the real thing, you know?

Where's Mr. Tokahashi?

Must be around here somewhere.

Welcome, students.

You're teaching the class?

Sure, I figure you want
to learn how to fight,

I teach you to fall.

Same time, I make a buck.

Wait a minute, Arnold.

The paper said Mitsuma
Tokahashi is giving the class.

I am Mitsuma Tokahashi.

Is this the face of a Arnold?

Why'd you change your name?

What change?

I buy a restaurant,
had a big sign, "Arnold."

Signs very expensive.

You know how many
letters in "Tokahashi"?

Okay, Arnold, show
us how to do this.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I show. Very easy.

You do it like this. Yeah?

(speaking Japanese)

Which in English, mean,
"Do the best you can."

Hey, Arnold, is that
how you make pretzels?

Listen, Potsie, I got
special job for you.

Oh, sure.

Yeah. I want to use you
in a little demonstration,

you know? Oh, no.

I just wanted to watch.

I don't want any
demonstration or...

(yells)

You watch from the floor.

Hey, Arnold, that
was a little quick.

Could you show it to us again?

I don't think I
got it. Ha-ha-ha.

(yells)

I got it, got it.

Okay, I looking for another
loudmouth volunteer.

No volunteer? Very good.

Now I gonna teach
you a basic throw.

Richie, come on.

Now I don't hurt you.
You got a little mouth.

Well, uh... Now, you,
you come, attack me.

Attack you? Yeah.

Throw punch to my head.

Okay.

(yelling) Don't, Arnold!

Tokahashi. Tokahashi!

You see that?

I just show you the hold.

You see? Okay, now come on.

You throw me all
the way to the floor.

Oh, no. No chance.

It's a trick, right?

Well, what trick? I not Houdini.

Now, come on. No, no.

It's very easy. I show you,

Here, you flip a little girl.

Me? Sure.

She got no trick.

I don't want to flip her.

She's a skinny little kid.

Oh, size don't
matter. I show you.

You let the skinny
little kid flip you.

Oh, yeah. You think
she's gonna flip me?

(yelling)

(knock at door)

Hey, this better be important.

You keep your motor running.

Yeah, rev it up.

Not now.

Cunningham, that is the
saddest face I have ever seen.

Can I talk to you for a
minute, Fonz, outside?

Hey, we'll talk right here.

Well, it-it's kinda personal.

Oh, personal. Yeah.

Hey, Vivian, go out and
find me a falling star, will you?

Be back in five minutes.

I don't have a watch.

Hey, count "one Mississippi..."

She's got great lips.

All right, you got the floor.

What's up, Tiny Tears?

I'm quitting judo.

How come?

I got flipped by my sister.

Aw, come on.

That was a lucky shot.

Could happen to anybody.

Yeah, I know.

But she flipped me 20 times.

She flipped me during class.

She flipped me after class.

She flipped me all the way home.

Oh, Cunningham, you
have reached the pits.

My sister's
becoming a black belt

and I'm going bing-bong.

I'm sorry I even
bothered you, Fonz.

I'll get Vivian back in...

Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Come here, come here.

I'm gonna do something
for you, Cunningham,

I never did for anybody before.

I'm going to teach
you the secret...

of being tough.

Wow, you don't
think I could ever..

Hey! Who told you to talk?

I'm sorry, Fonz.

That's the secret.

What? I think I missed it.

You see how
nervous you just got?

Yeah, but I thought
you were gonna kill me.

Hey... that's the
point... I intimidated you.

That's because I've
got a majestic bearing.

I got style, I
got an attitude...

I got a tough voice.

Let's face it, you're
a good fighter.

Hey, I'm the best.

But in the entire time
you've known me,

have you ever
seen me in a fight?

Well, no, but that's always

because the other
guy backs down first.

I rest my case.

You think that
could work for me?

Cunningham, with
that Howdy Doody face,

you can only be so tough.

But I'll tell you something.
I'll tell you something.

With a little practice,
there is always hope.

Don't ever grab me again!

What?

Just practicing.

Yeah, you see?

See, that wasn't bad.

It's not good either.
Wasn't bad though.

Now, listen. What you got to do,

is you gotta don't yell,
you gotta keep it low, see?

Gotta make it more threatening.

Don't ever grab me again.

All right, all right.
Now. Clench your teeth,

clench your teeth.

(forceful mumble)

Not your lips, your teeth!

Don't ever grab me again.

Hey, that's good. Now...

Raise up your chin, look
me square in the eye.

Don't ever grab me again.

All right, now saunter.

Saunter!

Don't ever grab me again!

Don't ever grab me again!

I lost count. Do you want I
should start all over again?

I mean, don't come
back for another hour.

Hey, how was that, Fonz?

Well, I wanted her back now.

I can't wait for a boy to
get out of line with me again.

Hi... show!

Will you please
tell your daughter

that one ju-jitsu lesson
does not make her Batwoman.

You'd better not flip
the boys too hard, dear.

Why can't I?

Well, because if
you do, they'll start

avoiding you and then you
won't be popular any more.

I'll be popular
with the boys I like.

The others... Hi... Show!

Sit down and eat your
breakfast, Mr. Moto.

Hi, Rich.

Good morning, Richard.

Would you like corn
flakes for breakfast, dear?

I never want corn
flakes again. Oatmeal!

Oh. Well, I... I thought
you liked corn flakes.

Oatmeal! I'll make oatmeal.

What kind of a way is
that to talk to your mother?!

Oh, I-I'm sorry, Mom.

Corn flakes are okay.

You see, I was just trying out

some advice that Fonzie gave me.

He said if you sound tough,
people listen, and it works.

Boy, I tell you, this
one with her "Hi, show"

and this one yelling
like King Kong.

Who can eat
breakfast around here?

I'm going down to the store.

You're not going anywhere!

Sit down!

Start eating, Howie.

All of you... eat!

Well, chalk one up for the Fonz.

♪ Bye-bye, love... ♪

You're not gonna
go with this plan

just 'cause it worked
on your mother?

No, I'm going with it
because it works for the Fonz.

Everything works for the Fonz.

Well, it'll work for me,
too. Just wait and see.

You don't have to
wait. Here they are.

Hello, Bing-Bong.

We never got to finish
our game last time.

Having trouble here, gentlemen?

Oh, are you gonna
save this kid again, Fonz?

Maybe.

It's cool, Fonz.

I'll handle these clowns.

Hey, you heard him.

It's his fight.

Hey, it's me and
Bing-Bong, alone.

The name is Richie.

Don't ever call
me anything else.

When I turn back around,

you guys better be gone.

What happened?

Well, you just scared
Potsie and Ralph to death.

Did Frankie back down?

Oh, no, he's going like this.

That's not backing
down. That's beating up.

Yeah.

Let's go, Bing-Bong, I'm ready!

Wait just a second.

Why isn't this working?

I mean, I've got the tough
voice going on and everything.

I gotta tell you
something, Cunningham.

I left out one
very small detail.

Tell me quick.

You got no reputation
for toughness.

Once in your life, you
had to have hit somebody.

That's not a good
detail to leave out, Fonz.

Now, listen, you
just give me the word,

I'll bail you out of this one.

No. This is my problem
and I'm gonna handle it.

Just another second.

Have you got any advice at all?

Yeah. When he's
taking off his jacket,

hit him before
his arms are free.

That's not fair.

What? It's not fair.

Hey. He's taller than you are.

That's not fair either.

You mean if I trick
him, I can beat him?

Oh, no, he's gonna kill you,

but you get one good shot in.

Hey, what's going on?

Trying to get Fonzie to
fight your battles for you?

Hey, Frankie.

You just make
sure it's a fair fight.

Sure, Fonzie.

Okay.

Now I'm ready.

Hi-ya! Ha-ha! Hiya, show!

What are you doing to my coat?

This time it was your coat!

Next time it's
gonna be you, Jack!

Hey, he's gone crazy.

(yelling)

Stop fighting!

You want to fight?

You go to pizza parlor!

It's not my fault.

He went crazy! He's a nut!

Stop, kid. Settle down.

(speaking Japanese)

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, I gotta tell
you something, man.

You're a hero. Oh, my gosh.

What's the matter?

I didn't feel like one.

Why not?

That guy coulda killed me,

I was scared to death.

Hey, hey, hey,
that's not the point.

The fact is you were scared
and you stood up to him.

Now what about that film

What is it called? The
Sands of Iwo Jima, huh?

They were scared,
they took that hill,

They raised that flag.

Fonz, this isn't a movie.

Hey, let me tell you something.

Everybody gets scared.

If you're gonna
survive in this world,

you just can't show it
all the time, that's all.

Yeah, but you never get scared.

I know. That's
why I'm "The Fonz."

Thanks for the lift home.

And pick me up tomorrow at 9:00.

Richard, how much longer
are you gonna keep this up?

Oh. Not much longer.

I'm beginning to
feel pretty ridiculous.

I don't know, it seems
so natural for Fonzie.

You aren't fighting any
more, are you, Richard?

No. No more fighting.

And, Dad, thanks
for your advice.

I really mean it.

Mmm. That's okay.

Good night Dad, good night, Mom.

Good night. Good night, dear.

Howard, did you tell Richard

how to handle those bullies?

You're wonderful.

Come here, Marion.

Stand over here.

Now, grab me around the neck.

Oh... I love it
when you're frisky.

Grab me around the
neck, Marion, please.

All right. Now, get a good grip.

Don't worry, I'm not
going to hurt you.

You ready?

All right, pull hard now.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Marion? Yes, dear.

Let's go to bed.

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

v♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪