Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 3, Episode 2 - The Motorcycle - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪



Happy Days is filmed
before a live audience.

Marion, will you look at this?

Joanie's been up to
her magic tricks again.

Will you look at this hat?

Oh, there are my eggs.

Thank goodness.

Thank goodness?

Eggs in my hat?

I'm sorry, dear.
I'll speak to her.

Richard, would you
like to get the paper?

No, thanks, Dad,
I'll read it later.

For me.

Oh... sure.

Marion, did you hear
a lot of noise last night?

Just you snoring.

I don't snore!

Well, then, I
heard a lot of noise.

I bet it was Maserelli's dogs
in the garbage cans again.

You know, they'll eat anything.

Bet they even ate our paper!

There, you see? No paper.

It's awful.

I never saw anything like it.

What's the matter, Richard?

Out there... it's terrible.

What's terrible?

Fonzie's motorcycle.

Did he park it in
the driveway again?

Your father gets so upset.

Now he promised to
park it in front of the house.

Is it in the driveway?

Yes, it's in the driveway,
and it's in the street,

and it's in the yard, and
it's in the flower garden...

and there's an exhaust
pipe in the mailbox!

Somebody tried to
mail his motorcycle?

I don't understand.

Mom, somebody
totaled Fonzie's bike

and threw it all over the yard.

Was Arthur in an accident?

No, I was up when
he came in last night.

It must have happened
after he went to sleep.

What is that, dear?

Well, I think it used to be
a rear-view mirror, Marion.

It fell out of a tree.

You know, I have never seen
such a mess in my whole life.

There's even
something in the mailbox.

That's an exhaust pipe, dear.

Hey, good morning,
everybody. How are you?

Beautiful day, beautiful day.

Thanks for filling
my thermos, Mrs. C.

I've got to tell you,
today is the day

that I work on Rocky
Lembeck's '49 Merc.

What a classy
piece of machinery.

I mean, I'll tell you something,

it makes a guy feel great
just lifting up that hood.

What's the matter?

Nothing, Fonz. (clearing throat)

Well, there is
one... little thing...

Yeah, well make it fast,
would you, I'm in a rush.

Well, it's... it's about
uh... uh... Joanie,

and her new magic tricks.

Go ahead, Joanie, show Fonz
one of your great new magic tricks.

Sit on it, Richie.

Let me tell you something.

A kid going to school
is not a thrilling trick.

I've got to go to work.

Now wait, wait, wait
a minute, Fonzie...

Look, you know how some
days you wake up in the morning

and you think you've
got a big day ahead,

and then, as the day
goes on, it sort of, uh, uh...

becomes even bigger
than you planned.

You know what I mean?

No.

See ya.

Don't go out there, Fonz.

Now wait a minute, I
don't have time for this.

I want to get on my
bike and go to work.

Would you settle
for one out of two?

All right, now, what are
you trying to tell me, huh?

There's something out there
you don't want me to see?

There's something
bad out there, huh?

You don't want
me to go out there?

You could take the
bus to work, Fonz.

It's a great way to meet chicks.

Show him, Marion.

Hey, that's my re... My bike!

Well... look, he had to know.

He's an adult, he can take it.

It's not the end of the world.

I mean, it's just a motorcycle.

(Fonzie screaming)

I'm sorry, Fonz.

Yeah, I know.

Thanks for coming.

That's the last of it.

Except for the headlight.

We couldn't find that.

But we're still looking for it.

Mrs. Cunningham
is up on the roof.

Hey, I can fix that.

Hand me the sprocket
wrench over there, will you?

You really think you can fix it?

Of course I can fix
it, I'm the best, right?

I mean, I know it looks
bad and everything,

but, like, you just
need patience and time.

It's like a puzzle,

you just put the
pieces together, and...

This is junk!

I can't fix that!

I might be the best,
but I'm not Oral Roberts!

What kind of maniac would
do something like this?

What kind of twisted
brain would leave all the...

all this mangled and twisted...

Fonzie, it's just a motorcycle.

Just a motorcycle?

Mr. C., just a motorcycle?

I thought you were
a sensitive person.

This is not just a motorcycle.

This was a very close friend.

Well now, don't you think
you're carrying this a bit too far?

Well, I'll let you in
on a well-kept secret.

I wasn't always the cool person

you see standing
before you here today.

I see you're shocked.

Yes, there was a very,
very brief time during which...

I was a nerd.

Yeah... I was a turkey.

And I want to tell
you, I tried everything...

ducktails, tight jeans, taps
on my shoes... nothing worked.

Nothing, until...

until it came along.

Mr. C., it made me
different, it made me special.

My bike made me "The Fonz."

We have done a
lot together... yeah.

Drag races, gang fights...

a year and a half
of high school.

And now, it is all over.

Just a motorcycle, Mr. C.?

And I suppose your
mother was just a mother.

Gee, Fonz, I, uh, I
guess I had it all wrong.

Fonz, I know that your
bike can never be...

replaced, but with
the insurance money...

No insurance.

No insurance?
FONZIE: No insurance!

No insurance!

They didn't think The Fonz was
a good risk, and I'll tell you why.

When you're this cool,
they're out to get you.

That's crazy.

Yeah, I know, I'm going
crazy, I'm going nutso!

I mean, my bike hasn't been
gone for about an hour and a half,

and already I'm turning
back into a turkey!

I need time to think.

I need to be alone.

(Fonzie wailing)

♪ If your heartaches seem
to hang around too long... ♪

Come on.

Smile.

Hi, Fonz.

Hey, Fonz, how's it going?

Okay if we sit down?

Saw your new wheels outside.

Great looking tow truck.

You could start a whole new fad.

Girls can get your phone
number off the side door, and...

if you see a chick you like, you can
just hook her up and haul her away.

What are you doing, Weber?

He... He's just trying
to cheer you up, Fonz.

Yeah, I mean, the rain may fall,

but let a smile
be your umbrella.

How'd you like that
umbrella up your nose?

Oh, sure, Fonz, whatever.

Hi, guys. What's shaking?

Hey, Ralph, did you hear
the news about Fonz's bike?

News, what news? I
haven't heard any news.

I haven't even listened
to the radio all day.

So I've heard no news at all. I
know absolutely nothing new!

It happened last night.

Well, there, that explains it.

I had dinner with
my parents last night,

then watched Amos and Andy,
and 16 minutes of My Little Margie,

went up to my room and did
geography and Spanish homework,

went to sleep at 10:22. Right.

So there's no way I would
know what happened last night.

Why do you ask?

He didn't.

He didn't ask. You
didn't ask, nobody asked.

Quit clowning around, Ralph.

Can't you see The Fonz is upset?

He got his bike busted up.

(gasps)

Boy, somebody just creamed it.

I mean, every little piece
of the bike was busted up.

The handlebars...
The umbrella, Potsie!

Sorry, Fonz.

What kind of a guy would
do something like that?

What kind of maniac?

You got me.

I mean, you know what
a twisted mind it was?

My carburetor was
found in a potted plant.

You know something?

It probably wasn't
one lone person.

No, it was, it was
probably a gang

of crazed vandals
from out of state.

You know, the kind
without freckles.

You hear about
them all the time.

They're probably
all gone by now.

Crazed vandals?

Without freckles?

I can't listen to this.

I've got to go sit in my truck.

I was just getting
him cheered up

when you came along
and got him upset again.

I better go talk to him.

I think he wants to be alone.

Who wants to be alone
when you've got me?

It's really terrible, Rich.

I mean it really makes you
wonder, you never know. Yeah?

I guess it makes Fonzie
wonder, too. Yeah?

What's he wondering, Rich?

Ralph, what's the
matter with you?

Nothing, nothing.

I was just wondering...

like, I guess Fonzie
doesn't even have any clues

as to as to who,
who the gang is, huh?

None.

Well... that's too bad.

Ralph, do you know
something about this

that you're not telling me?

Sure!

Blame it on me, everyone
always blames Ralph.

I wasn't blaming you.

You will. Well, go
ahead, I don't care...

I've got nothing to hide.

Hey, guys. I got
nothing to hide.

What? I want to
tell you something...

Nerd nose here got a plan
figured the whole thing out.

First time in his life.

He's wrong!

What do you mean, he's wrong?

He got a plan he's
going to catch the guy.

You got a witness?

No, better than that.

I've got tire
tracks on the lawn.

I make a print of those tracks
and match it to the guilty car.

Just like they do on, uh...

Highway Patrol.
FONZIE: Highway Patrol.

Oh, that'll probably take a
really long time, huh, Fonz?

Oh, no, on Highway Patrol,

Broderick Crawford
caught the guy in 24 hours.

That fast? Yeah.

I hate that show!

And I got whole
new reason to live...

Revenge!

(nervous chuckle)

Revenge.

♪ Bye-bye love ♪

♪ Bye-bye happiness ♪

♪ Hello loneliness ♪

♪ I think I'm gonna die ♪

♪ Bye-bye love... ♪

Rich, Rich, I'd like to talk
to you for a minute in private.

Hey, Ralph, how come you're
all dressed up? No reason.

Richie, come here, could
we talk for a minute, please?

How come the suitcase?

Uh, Richie wanted to see it.

Yeah, Rich? How come?

Uh, I love luggage.

All right, Ralph, why
are you dressed up

and carrying a suitcase?

Look, Rich, let's just
say I'm taking a little trip

and leave it at that, okay?

Where are you going? West.

West. Okay, how long
are you going be... west?

I don't know...
two, three years.

Look, Ralph, I've got
to tell you, running away

is not the answer.

Running? Who's running?

You have to be guilty
of something to run.

I'm not guilty of anything.

Do I look like a guilty person?

Yeah. You're right,
I'm guilty. I did it.

I wrecked Fonzie's bike!
I wrecked Fonzie's bike!

I was the one! Yes, it was me!

There, I've said it!

Boy, do I feel better.

What a load of
guilty off my chest.

You knew it all the
time, didn't you?

Just a lucky guess.

Now come on out of there and
tell me exactly what happened.

Okay, I'll tell.

First, I had a late
date with Lola Spasky.

The ticket girl at the Rialto.

That's her. And
believe me, Rich,

tearing tickets is
not her only talent.

Well anyway, after my date,

I was coming over
to tell you about it...

And you ran over Fonzie's bike.

I didn't see it!

He never parks in the
street, always in the driveway,

never in the street.

Why did he park
it in the street?

Ralph, all that damage,
how did you do all that?

Well, after I ran
over it, the first time...

How many times
did you run over it?

It's hard to say.

The whole night is a blur.

You see, I ran over
it and I panicked.

Then I backed up over it.

It got caught in my back wheels

and I just lost my head, I
kept trying to get out of there.

I was in fourth gear before
I realized I wasn't moving.

My wheels were
spinning and spinning...

and grinding and grinding.

It was awful... just awful!

Motorcycle all over the place!

Ralph, there was an
exhaust pipe in the mailbox.

In the mailbox, Ralph.

Now how do you account for that?

I don't know.

I thought maybe if
I could just hide it.

(chuckles)

Hide a broken motorcycle?

I was scared, I
couldn't think straight.

I was hiding pieces everywhere.

Rich, I've got to
get out of town.

It's just a matter of time
before he checks my tires.

Could you loan me
three dollars to go west?

Forget about
that, that's stupid.

Now just give me
a little time and,

and maybe I can
think of something.

You can think of
something, Rich?

You can think of
a way out of this?

No. But maybe my father can.

Your father?

What does he know about
being threatened with revenge?

He was a cook in the Army.

Fonz... Hey, you look
very tense, Malph.

Not me, Fonz. I'm
loose as a goose.

It's good old
never-a-care Malph!

Where you going all
dressed up like this?

Oh... not going...
coming... From church.

On Saturday?

I'm Jewish.

I bet you didn't know that.

Not many of us Irish Jews.

Well, I've got to run.

Got to get the Rabbi's
suitcase over to the temple.

Bar Mitzvah, guys.

Here he is!

Okay, now just
remember, be calm, huh?

This could be very
dangerous, you know.

It's not dangerous.
It's a good plan.

Now everybody take
their places, come on.

Um... uh...?

Dusting, Marion, dusting.

Hey, I got your message
down at the garage.

What's up, huh?

I was in the middle
of taking tire tracks.

Oh, Mrs. Cunningham
wants to talk to you, Fonzie.

What you need, Mrs. C?

Oh, Arthur, you know that
Joanie is very interested in magic

and she's been practicing
a new trick all day...

You called me at
work... to pick a card?

Well, this is bigger
than a card trick

and it means so much to her.

She's at that tender age

when her heart is just
like a little china doll,

it's just so
breakable... Marion...

Yes, dear.

So why not give
the little kid a break?

Joanie!

Presenting... the
amazing Joanie!

Now, I need a volunteer
from the audience.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Now, I need someone
else to help me.

Okay, chubby,

and the little boy
with the freckles.

Now, I'll need a chair.

Oh, there's a chair!

And I'll need some magic rope.

Rope, rope, rope...
oh, here's some rope.

Just take a seat over here, sir.

Right over here.

Okay... Hey, wait a
minute, wait a minute,

I've got to tell you something,

I've only got a
minute, all right?

Now, bind the
volunteer securely.

I want to tell you something,

this family really
indulges the kid, huh?

Hey, this looks
like a tough trick.

The kid must have
been practicing all day.

Oh, it's a very clever trick.

Yeah?

This is a trick, that I learned

in the Far East
in my other life.

Ready?

Hey, I can hardly move a muscle.

Thank you, Marion, Joanie...

Hey, where's the kid going?

She forget something, she's got
to look it up in her magic book?

It's all clear.

Hey, wait a minute,

I didn't know I was entertaining
the whole neighborhood here.

Hey, Fonz, what's new?

I just joined a rodeo,
what does it look like?

We're indulging the kid.

Now hurry up, I've got to
get some more tire tracks.

Well, you see, Fonz, I
have a confession to make.

I lied.

Yes.

I'm not really Jewish.

No kidding.

Will you hurry up please?

The tracks are waiting.

Fonz? Yes.

I don't think that you have
to take any more tracks.

We think we know
who it is who, uh,

who-who bumped into your bike.

Hey, Malph, you
found out who did it?

RICHIE: Tell him, Ralph.

Yeah, come on,
Malph, tell me who did it.

The guy will have tire
tracks all over his body!

Fonz, wait.

You see, this guy is willing
to help pay for damages

and make amends.

Hey, hey, who, who,
who, who, who, who?

The, the guy, this guy
that I'm talking about...

the par... the guilty party.

Please don't kill me, Fonz,

please don't kill me!

It was an accident, I
was temporarily insane!

I didn't mean it!

I'll never do it again!

I'll move away,
just let me live!

You know, Fonz,

it takes a very big man to
look you right in the eye...

to look you right in
the eye, and say that.

Well, how about it, Fonzie?
He's willing to make it good.

Forgive and forget, huh?

What do you say, Fonz, pal?

I'm going to kill him!

No!

No, no, no!

MARION: Good night, Howard.

Good night, Richard.

Good night, Arthur.

Sleep tight.

Good night, Marion.

I thought you were my friends.

We are your friends, Fonzie,
that's why we tied you up.

We figured you'd cool off
and become more reasonable.

Come on, Fonz, give in.

Hey, you know, you're right.

I never looked at it
from that point of view.

You're absolutely
right. Untie me, okay?

You're lying.

Hey, I took a shot!

Dad, we've been sitting
with him here for six hours.

I don't think he's
going to give in.

Do we keep him
tied up all night?

No, I guess
you're right, Richie.

Besides, his fingers
are turning blue.

Oh, now that's better.

You know, Fonz,

I always thought you
were a bigger man.

I never thought you'd put a
motorcycle before a friend.

Remember, Richie,
revenge has no friends.

Well, you know what all this
hate has done for you, Fonz?

No.

It's made you very uncool.

There you are,
you're all untied.

Now you can go out
and beat up your friend.

Oh, no, no, Wait a
minute, wait a minute.

It's not that I want to
go beat him up, I have to.

That's called street etiquette.

I think Shakespeare once said

"To err is human,
to forgive divine."

Yeah? I bet he never had a bike.

(doorbell ringing repeatedly)

I'll get it.

Ralph!

Fonzie's loose!

Go west, go west!

Let me in, Rich.

I'm through running.

Hey, come on, let
him in... it's his funeral.

Sorry about the rug.

I'll clean it up
if I'm still alive.

Well, Fonz, what do you think?

It looks like my bike.

Yeah, I've been to 27 shops
looking for one just like yours.

I finally found it downtown.

Honest Ira's
All-Night Bike Shop.

I've got to bring
it back in an hour.

I thought you'd like
to see it for a trial run.

You rode it?

No! No! I knew you
wouldn't like that,

so I pushed it.

How are you going
to pay for this?

I'm selling my car.

You know, it's not
exactly like my bike.

It's not? No.

It's got these, uh,
chrome extenders on it.

I'll take them off,
I'll do it right now.

Rich, you got a wrench?

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, it's all right.

I was going to put
them on anyway.

Sit on it, Fonzie.

Aaayyh!

I mean, try it out,

try it out... sit on the bike.

Come here.

Come here...

You're not going
to sell your car.

You don't like the bike?

Yeah, it's all right.

I'll give Honest Ira
the money myself.

You will?

I don't have to sell my car?

What a pal! What a guy!

What a great guy!

You're going to pay it off
by working at the garage.

What a pal... what a
guy... what a great guy...

(engine starting)

What are you...?!

Fonzie!

Hey, I'm sorry, Mr. C., I
didn't know he gassed it up.

Gee, Fonz, thanks a lot.

I'll work hard... I'll pump
gas, I'll change tires.

I'll get dirty. Do
I get a uniform?

No, Malph, no uniform.

You work hard, you get a cap.

That's good, I like
caps, I look good in caps.

Hey, excuse me.

Aren't you even going to
take it out for a trial run?

I've got to go now.

Yeah, but wait a minute,

you can't leave this
in my living room!

Now wait a minute, I
don't think you understand.

I have been sitting in
that chair for six hours.

When I say I've got to
go, I mean I've got to go!

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪