Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 3, Episode 15 - Dance Contest - full transcript

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪



♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪



♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a live audience.

Here you are, dear.

Mom, you forgot the
fruit, there's no fruit in here.

Oh, I don't want an
orange, can I have grapes?

Yeah, I'd rather
have an apple, Mom.

Oh, you want, oh... Grapes.

Well, listen, have the
oranges for breakfast.

Oh, all right. Look,
Marion, I've got to run.

Will you please try and
have dinner early tonight?

I've got a lodge
meeting. All right.

Yeah, I have basketball
practice after school,

a date tonight. Yeah,
and I've got a Girl Scout

meeting tonight. (groans)

Well, all right, you all just
go on about your activities

and your full, rounded lives,

and I'll just stay home
and do my usual nothing.

Come on, Marion, you
got plenty of activities.

Well, doing housework
is not an activity.

Now, Howard, I love
being a housewife,

but there has just got to
be more in a woman's life

than cooking and cleaning
and shifting fruit, and...

Look, Marion, if this is
going to be one of your annual

"Howard, I want
to get a job" talks,

let's forget about the
whole thing right now.

No wife of mine is
going to work as long

as I'm able to support
her, and that's that,

and that'll be that, and
that's the end of that.

Oh, Howard, I don't have
to get a job to be happy.

I just want to break the
monotony around here.

Well, I could always
grow a moustache.

I am late, Marion.

What is it you want?

Well, I was wondering.

You know, Howard, you know
that Harvest Moon dance contest

that they hold every
year down at WZAZ-TV?

Well, I was thinking
it would be great fun

if you and I entered
that this year.

(laughing)

(giggling)

Behave yourself, will you?

Come on, Joanie,
I'll drive you to school.

She's not really going to
dance on TV, is she, Richie?

I hope not.

Those children have got to
learn respect for their pare...

(laughing)

Dance on television, Marion?

Really.

What is so ridiculous, Howard?

I was the best
dancer in high school,

or have you forgotten?

No, I haven't forgotten that
you used to cut quite a rug.

But, sweetheart,
that was 20 years ago.

You haven't danced
in public since.

Does that mean you won't do it?

That's right, sweetheart,
I'm not going to do it,

and you're not
going to do it either.

I'll see you
later. I got to run.

Dance on television.

(chuckling)

(laughing loudly)

(mimicking laughter)

Ooh, I'll show them.

Now let's see, I
need some advice.

Well, I'll do what
everybody else does.

I'll talk to Fonzie.

Hey, so you want to
dance with the Fonz, huh?

Join the club.

Aaayyh!

Just kidding, just
kidding, just kidding.

What are you going to
do about Mr. C., huh?

Oh, no, Arthur,
don't tell the family.

If they find out,
they'll laugh at me

and I won't have the nerve
to go through with this.

Yeah, but I don't
know, see, I mean, like,

the Fonz got his
own style, right?

The Fonzie step ain't
exactly a ballroom dance.

I'll need a lot of practice.

Well, don't worry, Arthur,

we have a whole
week to practice.

Hey, Mrs. C.,

I got a life going
here, you know.

I mean, during the day,
I work on my engines,

and, at night, I do my, uh,
body work, if you get my drift.

I get it, I get it, yes.

Well, we can work
around your schedule.

I'm flexible.

We can practice at
your garage after work.

I'll tell you, it
sounds amusing,

but after work, that's
not enough time.

I'm going to need
more practice, I know it.

Well, we could, uh, practice

early in the morning, too.

But I don't know where.

Wait a minute, Arnold's.
I could ask Arnold.

He'd let us use his
place before he opens up.

Good. Yeah.

Wait, how do we know
he can keep a secret?

Hey, Mrs. C.,
Arnold is inscrutable.

How are you going
to keep it from Mr. C.?

I have that all figured out.

I will tell him that my
mother's bursitis flared up.

He'll never call over
there, he can't stand her.

Well, how come?

She calls him "fatso."

That's not nice.

Well, we can start
rehearsing tomorrow.

Oh, this is so exciting.

And we are going to be so good.

Thank you, Arthur,
you're very sweet.

Yeah.

Well, hello there, stranger.

Hi, Howard.

Good-bye, Howard.

Are you going out again, Marion?

Oh, yes, dear,
I'm sorry, I have to.

Your mother's?

I'm afraid so.

Yeah, you know, it's
been a week, Marion,

since Mother Kelp had
that attack of bursitis.

She should be
skipping rope by now.

She needs someone
to cook for her.

So do I, Marion.

Well, hasn't Joanie been
cooking for you this week?

Where is she?

Oh, around somewhere.

Oh, look at the
time, I have to run.

See you later, sweetheart.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, there you are.

Look, I'm starving.

Where are you going?

I'm eating at Wanda's tonight.

Well, what about me?

What can I say?
She didn't invite you.

No, what about my dinner?

Did you cook something for me?

Me cook again?

Me cook?

Oh, I've had it.

All week long, I slave over
a hot stove, and for what?

A lousy 50-cent allowance.

I've got a life to live, too.

I've got schoolwork,
Girl Scouts, boys.

You know, there
are child labor laws.

Okay, okay, go to
your friend's house.

I'll get along somehow.

I'll see you later.

I ordered you
dinner from Arnold's.

Thank you.

Arnold's? Ugh.

Sit down for a minute. Okay.

How much do I owe you?

Uh, let me see, six dollars.

Uh, two dollar for food,
four dollar for delivery.

Are you kidding me?

Four dollars for delivery?

Yeah, I took a cab.

I'm a big tipper.

Oh, this is terrible.

Oh, what you mean "terrible"?

You don't even
taste the food yet.

I don't mean the food.

I mean I haven't got enough
money here to pay you.

Oh, that's okay, no problem.

I get the money from
Mrs. C. In the morning

when she come to my place.

Oh, thank you.

In the morning?

What's Marion doing at
your place in the morning?

Uh, did I say that?

Oh, that was very
silly. I didn't say that.

They not coming to my place.

I was just... They? Who's they?

Oh. You saw Marion
with somebody else?

No, no, Mr. C.,

uh, I didn't say nothing
about another man.

Another man?

No, forget about another man.

What are you talking about?

You know, I just
all mixed up today.

The cab driver get me crazy.

I think he was a kamikaze pilot.

Look, I tell you what,

you don't worry about
paying for the food.

I got to run now.

I got to get back and,
uh, rip out my tongue.

'Bye.

Another man?

(laughs)

Hello, Mother Kelp?

Howard. Listen, can I...

Howard Cunningham,
your son-in-law.

Now, look, don't
call me that name.

You're no lightweight
yourself, you know.

Yeah, could I please, uh,
speak to Marion if she's there.

Well, I do think
it's my business.

She's not there?

Listen, uh, how's your bursitis?

You haven't had
an attack in months?

I'm sorry to hear that.

Arnold saw Marion
with another man?

Well, why would
she do that to me?

Dad. Dad. We won.

And listen to this,

I scored six goals,
double hat trick.

I had this one slap shot,

it bounced off Potsie's chin
and went right into the net.

So did Potsie, it was fantastic.

We won 13-10.

Did you have something to eat?

Well, sure, the losers
bought us pizza.

But Potsie couldn't
chew, you know,

so he had to lick the cheese.

He had to lick, he had
to lick the cheese, Dad,

it was funny.

Dad, what's wrong?

Richard, did you
know that your mother

hasn't been visiting
Grandma Kelp?

She hasn't?

Where's she been going?

Nowhere. Nowhere.

You got someplace to go?

Yeah, yeah, I got a
basketball game tonight.

Good, good, good,
that's a good activity, yes.

So, uh, what do you
think Mom's been doing?

Oh, who knows?

What's the difference, huh?

You think she
probably got a job, huh?

A job, Richard, that's it.

A job. She got a job.

Boy, you can see right
through me, you know that?

Dad, I don't think it's
going to be that bad. Yeah?

I mean, she'll bring in some
extra money, and besides,

I don't think she'll
stay with it very long.

I think she'll get
bored and quit.

Yeah, well, good, Richard.

Come on, you go
dribble, have fun,

and shoot a couple
of baskets for me.

I sure will, Dad.

Richard!

Richard, I want to
talk to you right now.

No, Richard,
stop that dribbling,

I've got to talk to you.

Now listen, you
understand that whatever it is

your mother's doing,
it's, it's not her fault, huh?

I mean I'm not the easiest
man in the world to live with.

I know.

Sorry, Dad.

Go dribble, Richard.

Right.

Marion and another man?

In the morning?

No, not this morning.

I have to pick up my gown.

Everything is set for tonight.

That's right, 8:30 sharp.

Oh, I can hardly wait...

That's right, Mother,
I'm on my way.

Yes, I'll pick up some
sour balls for you, yes.

Good-bye.

Oh... Howard, I
didn't see you there.

Off to Mother's again? Yes.

How is the little darling?

Oh, she's just doing fine,
dear, she's strong as an ox.

Never a whimper.

I'll bet.

I'm bringing her
something to read,

and then I have to
pick up her sour balls.

See you later.

Don't go, Marion!

Howard!

It's morning!

Tonight, I am
going to follow her.

Picking up sour balls, huh?

Sour balls, my... Hi, Dad.

How's it going?

Fine, everything is just fine.

I'm going to work as
though it were any other day.

But I'll be busy
tonight, Richard.

I won't be home for dinner.

(doorbell ringing) Nobody
eats here anymore.

Hi, guys. Hey, Rich...
I'm almost ready.

Almost? We're
late for class now.

I'm sorry, I overslept.

My mother never
lets me sleep late.

Yeah, she wants to get rid
of you as soon as possible.

Hey, Mr. C., how's it going?

Potato chips for breakfast,
that's how it's going.

Hey, what's with Howie?

Well, Mom's been
gone a lot lately

and, uh, she's been
keeping something from Dad

about what she's
doing. RALPH: Why?

Well, I think she got a job,
see, and Dad didn't want her to.

How do you know it's a job?

Well, what else could it be?

I guess so. Well, you ready?

Yeah. Hey you better wear
something warm, it's freezing outside.

Oh, right, thanks a
lot. I'll get my coat.

Yeah, thanks, Potsie,
there goes first period.

Yeah, but we get
some more breakfast.

Good thinking.

Imagine that, Mrs. C. working.

I wonder what kind
of a job she got?

How do I know?

The only times I've seen
her lately is with the Fonz.

Yeah, I've seen them coming
out of Arnold's in the morning.

Maybe she's doing
something for Arnold.

Nah, she's working for the Fonz.

I saw her come out of his garage
a couple of nights this week.

You saw them coming
out of the garage at night?

Yeah, after it was closed.

Funny, I didn't think
Mrs. C. Liked cars.

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, Pots.

Let's reexamine the facts.

You say you saw Mrs. C. and Fonz

coming out of the
garage after it was closed.

I saw them coming
out of Arnold's

before it was
open, right? Check.

Well, put two and two together

and what do you get? Four.

I don't believe you!

You're such a Potsie.

Don't you get it?

Fonzie and Mrs. C.
Are... (gasps) Shh.

What shall we do, tell Rich?

Nah, why hurt the kid?

What we have to do is
talk to a certain person

and put them on the
straight and narrow.

Right!

And if talk doesn't
work, we'll resort to force.

I don't want to hit Mrs. C.

I'm talking about Fonzie.

Fonzarelli, we want
to talk to you! Yeah!

Strange, I didn't hear a knock.

I didn't have time to knock.

I'm here on important business.

Oh, yeah?

Well, hold your
ground, I got to rinse.

Remember, right makes might.

Yeah...

But safe isn't bad either.

What are you two
nerds doing out there?

Shut up, Fonzie! Whoa!

You're going to listen
to what I have to say.

Okay... we found out
about you and Mrs. C.

Fooling around with
the landlord's wife.

Bad Fonz, bad!

Yeah, Fonz, bad!

Okay, Fonz, you've
got this coming.

You are the lowest, sleaziest
of all two-timing nerds!

You ought to live under a rock!

You are so low,
you have to reach up

to scratch a snake's belly!

That's a good one, Malph.

You make me sick to my stomach.

Yeah, sick to his stomach!

Okay, Fonz, this is it.

You're in big trouble!

We don't like what's
happening here,

and we came to
straighten you out!

Yeah, straighten you out!

(gasping)

(nervous laughter)

How do you like that?

The bathroom door
was open, Fonz.

You see that, Pots?

Yeah, how'd you
open the door, Fonz?

I jimmied it with my toothbrush.

You, you're a
resourceful guy, Fonz,

I mean, really resourceful.

Oh, yeah, I'm resourceful
on this side of the door,

on that side of the door,
I'm "low, and sleazy"

and other words I
don't care to hear.

Don't kill him, Fonz.

All right, will you guys sit
down and stop shaking?

Hey!

I'm not going to kill you.

I admire you for
what you just did.

You did? Yeah.

You thought I was doing
something bad to Richie

and you stood up to the Fonz.

Doing it through a locked door
ain't particularly courageous,

but, uh, not a bad
gesture for two chickens.

Thanks, Fonz.

Now, listen.

There is nothing going
on between me and Mrs. C.

We believe you, Fonz, sure.

Sure, Fonz. You got your
reasons for lurking around

and meeting Mrs. C. On the sly.

Hey, Mrs. C. Is
a very nice lady.

It just so happens
that we both entered

the Harvest Moon Dance
Contest, and that's it.

Really? Yeah.

But don't you think
you ought to tell Mr. C.?

I mean, he's been
going up the walls

wondering where his wife is.

Ralphie, it is
going to be all right.

She's going to leave a
message for him, right?

It's going to say
"Come to the TV studio,

8:30 tonight, get
a big surprise."

He's going to see the note,

go to the studio,
get a big surprise,

and it's going to be
all settled, all right?

The next time, mind
your own business.

I've got to go to work. Later.

See you, Fonz.

Fonz in a dance contest?

(both laughing)

That's a good one.
I got to see that.

If you don't stop laughing,

I'm going to fandango
up and down your face!

I don't think I'd like that.

(slow, instrumental
dance music plays)

Oh, Arthur, where have you been?

I've been calling you.

Hey, hey, calm
yourself, calm yourself.

I was putting the finishing
touches on my ensemble.

Well, you better check
in. It's getting late.

Oh, yeah, listen, like,
uh, Fred Astaire said

to Ginger Rogers,
"Where do I check in?"

Across the room, Fred.

See you later, Ging.

He gets a whole one.

Thank you very much.

Aha! So there you are, huh?

Hi, Howard.

I see you got my note.

What note? You didn't
see me hiding in the garage

when you left tonight,
did you? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Hiding in the garage.

Well, Howard, are you crazy?

I'll show you how crazy I am!

Where is he? Well,
he's checking in.

Not even a denial, Marion?

What are you doing here?

It's time you knew.

We're going to dance on TV.

You mean you're
going to flaunt it in...

right in front of my face,
in front of all of Milwaukee?

It's bad enough that you've
been gallivanting around, Marion.

Gallivanting around?

No... You think that I...

You bet I think that you.

Now, where is this... this
other number six, huh?

Hey, Mr. C., how are you?

You are the other number six?

Yeah, that's the number
they gave me, yeah.

Oh, Howard, you
don't understand...

Now, you be quiet, Marion.

I'll handle this.

Boy, when you move in,
you really move in, don't you?

Hey... Mr. C... Don't you

Mr. C. me, you lowly, rotten,

conniving, young...

Hey, there are
those names again.

That's twice in one day.

How much can I take?

How would you like to
step outside, Number Six,

so I can break you
into two number threes?!

Oh. Arthur and I
have been practicing

all week for this dance contest.

We have been dancing
around, Howard, not fooling.

Dancing! Dancing!

Dancing? Dancing?

You... You mean, you've been...?

Oh, yeah, but let me
tell you something.

A lot better than that.

Dancing. Marion,
why didn't you tell me?

I didn't tell you because you
would have laughed at me

like you did before, right?

Oh, there you are.

Oh, good, you got
my note. What note?

We saw Dad running
out of the garage,

so we followed him.

Nobody gets my notes.

What's going on?

Look, Richard, I can
explain the whole thing.

You see, I got suspicious
because I didn't know

where your mother
was going all the time.

I-I knew she didn't have a job.

No job?

Yeah. So tonight, I
decided to follow her,

and I-I hid in the garage,
and then I followed her here.

She's been meeting all
week long with Fonzie.

Fonzie?! Oh, you
dirty, rotten, lousy fink.

No, no, no, you
don't understand.

Okay, put 'em up... I
know, I know, I know.

Hey! All right, that's it!

That's it!

Hold it, hold it!

Everybody just calm down.

Look, they're just here
for a dance contest.

A likely story.

A likely story.

Will you calm down?

It's the truth.

And it's all our fault,

because we laughed
at your mother

when she wanted to
enter this dance contest,

and you shouldn't do
that to somebody you love.

I just wanted to know
that I was appreciated,

and I can see by
all this fuss that I am.

Oh, you are so cute
when you're jealous.

Well, sometimes you
get me so crazy, Marion.

Mom, come on, now,
you know we love you.

I do, and I don't want
to make you all crazy.

I don't even have to go
through with this dance contest.

Let's go home.

Yeah. Come on, get
your coat, Richard.

Hey, now wait a minute!

I don't understand
something here.

I practice all week

until I limp home and
I got to soak my feet.

I spent $18 and 50
cents on a monkey suit.

Two nerds come to my room
and lock me in my bathroom

and start calling me names.

Sherlock Holmes here

chases me and
starts yelling at me.

Cunningham... Hey,
Cunningham over there...

He starts threatening
me with physical violence.

Shortcake kicks me in the leg!

And you want to go home happy!

Well, let me tell
you something...

You're not going anywhere, lady.

The Fonz wants to dance!

And our next contestants,
number six, also from Milwaukee,

are Marion Cunningham
and Arthur Fonzarelli,

who will dance the tango.

Nice, warm welcome.

(applause)

(tango music plays)

♪ ♪

Hey!

(applause and cheering)

Oh, you two were terrific!

Thank you. Really great.

Folks, everybody was wonderful,

and nobody is
going home a loser.

Now on behalf of WZAZ,

I'd like to invite
the contestants

and their families
to an elegant,

sumptuous, buffet dinner.

Oh! Isn't that nice?

ARNOLD: Hi, folks.

(people groaning)

Okay, folks, this way.

Let's get it while it's hot.

Howard, did you really think

that I was fooling around?

Are you kidding, Marion?

The whole thing was a joke.

You didn't think I'd...

Don't you ever do that again!

After everything that
happened to you this week...

I mean, it was kind of rough...

Uh, you're not going to
hold any grudges are you?

Me? No, man.

I just got one small
score to settle.

That's all. One small...
Not-Not me, is it?

Potsie and Ralph? My dad?

(female scream)

Rich, don't!

Shortcake got me again!

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days!

♪ Good-bye gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪