Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 1, Episode 8 - The Skin Game - full transcript
Richie and Potsie try to score fake ID's to get into a strip club to see the infamous Bubbles McCall.
(Bill Haley and the Comets) ♪ One,
two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock
♪ Five, six, seven
o'clock, eight o'clock rock
♪ Nine, ten, eleven
o'clock, twelve o'clock rock
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ Put your glad
rags on, join me, hon
♪ We'll have some fun
when the clock strikes one
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight
♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight
♪ When the clock
strikes two, three, and four
♪ If the band slows
down, we'll yell for more
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight
♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight
(guitar solo)
♪ When the chimes
ring five, six, and seven
♪ We'll be right
in seventh heaven
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight
♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight
♪ When the clock strikes
twelve we'll cool off then
♪ Start a-rockin'
'round the clock again
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight
♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight ♪
(Potsie) You're puttin' me
on. You went to a strip joint?
(Ralph) Would I lie?
You saw real strippers?!
What do you think I saw
there? A marching band?
So there I was, sitting
at Eddie's Pink Palace,
just sipping a little brew
and waiting for
the Bubbles McCall
to come out onstage
and take it all off.
Whoa! Whoa!
Hey, uh, no cleats inside, huh?
Then, all of a sudden,
the band starts
playing "Night Train,"
and she comes out wearing
this real slinky cocktail dress,
spike heels,
and listen to this -
long white gloves.
And then she
takes it all off, right?
No, stupid. This
chick has class.
First, she does the dance.
What kind of dance?
Well, it was nothing you've seen
on Arthur Murray's Dance Party.
Anyway, she peels
off the gloves, right?
And then she reaches
around with one hand
and unzips her dress real slow -
Telephone call for
Richie Cunningham.
Hey, Richie, phone.
It's your mother.
Tell her I'll call back.
Look, I got Glutton's Delight
melting all over my hand.
I don't have time to be no
personal message service.
So, anyway... Mom,
can I call you back?
Well, all right, but
could you talk fast?
I'm sitting there. She starts...
Loaf of rye bread... and T.P.
T.P.?
Mom, you can say toilet
paper over the phone.
Listen, Mom, I gotta get going.
Ralph Malph's telling
us about... biology.
Right. I won't
forget, Mom. See ya.
And then she ran
behind the curtain.
Oh, wow! Too much!
I had to lift four car bumpers
and take a cold shower.
Wish I was there.
How'd you get
in? That's terrific!
Too much!
Potsie, what happened?
What did Bubbles do?
You'd never believe it.
Sure, I would. Try me!
What wouldn't I
believe? What did he say?
Ralph Malph said you
gotta see it to believe it.
What are you doing
tomorrow night?
We can't get in
there. You gotta be 18.
We just get fake IDs
and we're in like Flynn.
Come on, where are
we gonna get two IDs?
Do we or do we not have
a friend named Fonzie?
Well, sure. Where are you going?
To set it with Fonz.
Look, I'll be over
tonight before dinner.
We're never gonna pull it off.
Trust me. I'm worldly.
How can you be worldly if
you have to fake being 18?
You wanna be worldly?
You should work in that kitchen.
You wanna talk to me
about something, Richard?
Oh, no. No, Dad.
I'm just sitting.
You look like you're
waiting for someone.
Oh, no. No, I'm not waiting.
OK.
Mom wants you
to open this for me.
Oh, sure.
Who you waiting for, Richie?
I'm not waiting.
He's just sitting.
You wanna try my Hula-Hoop, Dad?
Oh, Joanie, adults don't
play with Hula-Hoops.
Aunt Bessie did.
Oh, yeah. She Hula-Hooped
right out the front door,
and nobody saw
her for four days.
Did you get it open, dear?
Not yet.
(doorbell rings)
I'll get it. I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Hi, Mr. Cunningham.
Potsie.
Fonzie.
(Richie) Oh, hey,
what a surprise!
I didn't know you guys
were coming over tonight.
Upstairs.
His name is Pockets.
Quiet little guy.
Well...
I guess we'll, uh,
go on upstairs now.
Mmm.
Yeah. See ya later.
Now, what kind of a mother
would name her child Pockets?
Kangaroo?
Marion, I can't
get this thing open.
Well, you must have
loosened it for me.
All right, ready?
Oh, yeah.
(whistles) Oh, wow!
(Potsie) Where'd he
get a coat like that?
(Fonzie) It's a hand-me-down.
His brother gave it to him
just before they
sent him to Sing Sing.
Chair... Oh.
Two sets of IDs, right?
Yeah. Right.
Two sets of IDs. What is this?
He wants you to see his forgery
of Eisenhower's signature.
Oh! That's very nice,
Pockets. Very nice.
They think it's
very nice, Pockets.
See, I told you Fonzie
would solve our problems.
Are these things
gonna look real?
Yeah, will we get
our money's worth?
Hey, what's the matter?!
You hurt his feelings.
He's professional.
Oh, listen, I-I'm sorry.
Tell him I'm sorry.
They say they're sorry, Pockets.
Whew!
All right. Now, he needs
to know your weight.
145.
145. Eyes... Blue.
Actually, they're kind of gray.
I thought they were green.
Well, how 'bout if he just
writes down "tutti frutti"?
They're blue.
Thank you. Blue.
All right, your height? 5'10".
Oh, come on. I'm 5'9".
So, I'm taller... You are not...
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey!
5'10".
5'10".
How old?
22.
I guess you better put 18.
18.
All right, this one's finished.
Hey, it's me!
Hey, the ink ain't dry yet.
Oh.
All right, let's get to
work on the next one.
I thought you boys might
enjoy some milk and cookies.
Oh, thanks, Mom, but,
uh, we're not very hungry,
and besides, the cookies
might spoil my dinner.
Why, what is Pockets doing?
Oh, he's, uh, uh, trying
to get rid of the hiccups.
Yeah, yeah, he's got a
bad case of the hiccups.
Hiccups!
(hiccups)
See?
Well, I'll just put
this over here.
Dinner will be
in a little while.
OK. Thanks for the cookies, Mom.
Oh, that was close.
All right, let's
get back to work.
Boo!
There. Did that cure
Pockets' hiccups?
Yeah, Mrs. C. I'm
sure that got rid of them.
Well, good. That remedy
always worked for Richard.
Thanks, Mom.
I'm sorry. She's
gone for good now.
What, are you leaving?!
Well, that's it.
A lady that goes "Boo,"
milk and cookies...
I mean, the atmosphere
just ain't right.
Well, I'm sorry, but
what about my ID Card?
Can't carry the world
on my shoulders.
Sorry.
Oh, yeah, sure. Here you go.
See ya.
So long.
Bye.
Don't worry, Rich.
I'll try and figure
out something.
It wouldn't be the
same without you.
You mean you really
wouldn't go without me?
I'd still go. It just
wouldn't be the same.
Ahchoo!
Oh, Howard.
Maybe you should cancel
that meeting with Fred Hingle.
Marion, for the business
that Fred Hingle gives me,
I can suffer through a little
case of the sniffles. Ahchoo!
That is the loudest case
of sniffles I ever heard.
None for me, thanks. I gotta go.
Why is it this family
can't sit together
for five minutes
after dinner and talk?
I'd love to, Dad,
but I really gotta run.
You've been running ever
since you started college.
You leave the dorm long
enough to wolf down a free meal
or else get your mother
to do your laundry.
Dad, I gotta practice.
I'm changing my free throw
from underhand to overhand.
Looks better for the fans.
Oh, well, then you're
excused, Chuck.
I certainly wouldn't
wanna disappoint your fans.
Good night, Chuck.
Good night, Dad.
Well, Richie, what's new, huh?
Could I be excused?
I gotta talk to Chuck.
So, Joanie, what's new, huh?
Paula Pratt gets a quarter
more allowance than me.
Well, maybe her father's
a quarter richer than me.
Oh, Daddy.
So what's new, Howard?
Got it!
Ah, hey. Nice shot.
Yeah. Chuck?
I don't know whether to go
for the points or the applause.
Yeah.
Uh, Chuck! I need
to ask you a favor.
Shoot.
Could you loan
me your draft card?
What do you want it for?
Well... Goin' to a bar?
Oh, no, nothin' like that.
Strip joint?
Something like that.
I'd lend it to you... You would?
Except I already lent
it to Bobby Gazarri.
Hey, look, I gotta go.
Say-hey, Potsie.
Hey.
How'd it go? You get his ID?
No, I struck out.
I wouldn't worry
about it if I were you.
Why not?
'Cause, uh, I hit a home run.
Oh, ho-ho! Where'd you get it?
Never mind where.
The important thing
is, we're gonna be
at Eddie's Pink
Palace tomorrow night
to watch Bubbles
McCall take it all off!
"Joe Kil-vin-ski"?
It doesn't matter
what name's on it.
Oh, hey, this is terrific!
"Hair... red, weight...
135, eyes... blue,
age... 25?"
Yeah.
Oh, Potsie, I can't pass for 25.
Sure you can.
You wear a bow
tie and look serious.
They'll believe! See ya later.
25?
25 what, dear?
Oh, 25... years. 25 years
that you and dad have
been happily married.
Your father and I have
only been married 21 years.
But it's nice of you
to try to keep track.
(Richie) Potsie, they're
never gonna believe I'm 25.
I heard they beat up a guy
once who tried to sneak in.
All they'll do is
tear up your ID.
Joe Kilvinski will beat you up.
Maybe we should
wait for a better night...
Maybe New Year's Eve.
I was only kidding.
Besides, too late... we're here.
And away we go!
Oh, hey, that was
easier than I thought.
We're in!
I hate to disappoint
you, but that's in.
We're still out.
You ain't 18, and
these are fake IDs.
Oh, this isn't gonna work.
Hey, boss, there's a phone
call for you in the office.
Should I take over for a minute?
Yeah. Maury, watch it. Some
kids tried to give me fake IDs.
Hey, don't worry, boss.
Welcome to Eddie's.
Enjoy the show.
You mean I can just go on in?
Sure.
Unless you're a
weirdo or something.
Oh, no! No, no, ask anybody.
Hey, Kilvinski... Joe,
you forgot your ID.
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
Hey, wait a minute!
Huh?!
Let me see this!
Oh, yeah.
You sure you're 18?
Oh, s-sure. I've been
18 for a long time.
When were you born? Quick!
Uh, '38?
I guess that's pretty close.
Enjoy the show.
(♪ "Sweet Georgia Brown" plays)
Now, that's what I call a woman.
Yeah. Whew!
Potsie, those girls
over there smiled at me.
Well, don't smile back.
Why not?
Because they're bee girls.
If you offer to buy 'em a drink,
they'll order champagne
cocktails at $5 a pop!
What'll ya have?
Oh, uh, I'm not very thirsty.
I didn't ask if you was thirsty.
I asked, "What'll ya have?"
There's a two-drink minimum.
Oh, uh, beer?
Yeah.
Beer.
Beer.
She looks kinda bored to me.
Who cares?
Is that Bubbles McCall?
Are you kidding?
Bubbles will make her look like
Howdy Doody. This is just a prelim.
Well, she's not taking much off.
Don't you know anything?
They don't let her take it off.
They save it up for
Bubbles. She does it all.
Here we go.
Hey, Bobbsey twins, your beer!
No pennies, please.
She juggles pretty well.
So what?
We can see that every
Sunday night on Ed Sullivan.
(applause)
When's Bubbles coming out?
She should be next.
(man sneezes)
Potsie, did you hear that?
What?
That sneeze. It
sounded familiar.
What sneeze?
(man sneezes)
That sneeze.
(sneezes)
Potsie, my father's here.
Your dad?!
Turn your chair
around or something.
Now let's bring out Bubbles
and have her do her stuff!
Come on!
(strip music plays)
We gotta get out of here
before my father sees us.
Are you kidding? And miss
seeing Bubbles do her stuff?
What if he sees us?
Then we'll die with
a smile on our face.
Look, we got this far,
we can't chicken out now.
(applause and whistling)
(whistling)
Here it comes. This is
where she takes it all off.
(applause and whistling)
OK, that's the show,
ladies and gents.
Turn off the bubble machine.
How come they
turned on the lights?
She didn't take it all off yet.
Let's get out of here, Potsie.
Ralph Malph said
she took it all off.
Potsie, let's beat it.
What's America coming to
when strippers don't strip?
Potsie, this is our big chance.
My father went to the
men's room or something.
Come on. OK, OK.
What a drag...
You can't even get away
from your parents at a strip joint!
Oh, brother, that was close.
Oh... What's the matter?
You wanted to
beat it, didn't you?
Potsie, my father was
in a striptease joint.
I never thought he'd
do something like that.
We did something like that.
But this is different.
He's my father.
Yeah.
Come on.
(Man on TV) And now
we return to the conclusion
of tonight's late show.
Oh, hi, Dad.
Oh, hi, Richard.
Good night.
Have a good time?
Oh, you know... nothing special.
What did you do tonight?
Oh, I had a business meeting.
You know, nothing special.
Oh.
Well, I guess I
better hit the hay.
Richard?
Yes, Dad?
You forgot your souvenir.
Souvenir?
You were the
center of attention.
Oh.
Now, would you mind telling me
just how you got
into that place?
Well, I sorta used
a, uh, a fake ID.
Well, in that case,
you're sorta
grounded for a week.
And let me have that ID.
"Joe Kilvinski," huh?
If he were here,
I'd ground him for a week, too.
Dad, does mom
know you were there?
Yes, Richard, I told her.
It was a business meeting.
Every time this Fred
Hingle comes into town,
he drags me down to that place.
And the better the stripper,
the more nails I sell him.
Richard, I tell your
mother everything.
She understands.
Then she knows I was there, too.
No. That she
wouldn't understand.
Oh. Thank you.
Well, you had to
see for yourself
what you weren't missing.
Yeah. Yeah, Bubbles
McCall wasn't exactly
what Ralph Malph
built her up to be.
I think that Ralph
Malph and Fred Hingle
would get along just great.
Come on.
Let's go to bed.
It's getting late.
You know, I feel
a cold coming on.
(drum roll and music intro)
Oh, wait.
(woman) ♪ God bless America
♪ My home sweet home ♪
♪ Standin' on the corner,
watchin' all the girls go by ♪
Man, that week you were grounded
must've seemed like a month.
The only time I spent
that long at home
was when I had the mumps.
It wasn't that bad. I
watched a lot of wrestling.
You guys went down to
Eddie's Pink Palace, didn't you?
Yeah. Yeah.
How was it? Well, actually...
It was terrific! They
had all these girls,
and there was this
one, Bubbles McCall...
She's the one I
heard took it all off.
"Took it all off"?
You gotta see it to believe it.
Yeah? Maybe I ought
to check that place out.
Thanks.
Anytime. So long.
Why did you tell him that?
I don't know.
'Cause bull makes
the world go 'round.
What?
That's why you said it...
'cause bull makes
the world go 'round.
You know, Fonz, you really
got a way of sayin' things.
Yeah, that was very profound.
You know, you're right.
Where you goin'?
I think I'm gonna write
it on the bathroom wall.
♪ This day is ours
♪ Won't you be mine?
♪ These happy
days ♪ Happy days ♪
♪ Hello, sunshine goodbye, rain
♪ She's wearin' my
school ring on her chain
♪ She's my steady, I'm her man
♪ I'm gonna love her all I can
♪ This day is ours
♪ Won't you be mine?
♪ These happy days
♪ This day is ours
♪ Oh, please be
mine ♪ Oh, happy days
♪ Happy days ♪
two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock
♪ Five, six, seven
o'clock, eight o'clock rock
♪ Nine, ten, eleven
o'clock, twelve o'clock rock
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ Put your glad
rags on, join me, hon
♪ We'll have some fun
when the clock strikes one
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight
♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight
♪ When the clock
strikes two, three, and four
♪ If the band slows
down, we'll yell for more
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight
♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight
(guitar solo)
♪ When the chimes
ring five, six, and seven
♪ We'll be right
in seventh heaven
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight
♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight
♪ When the clock strikes
twelve we'll cool off then
♪ Start a-rockin'
'round the clock again
♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight
♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight ♪
(Potsie) You're puttin' me
on. You went to a strip joint?
(Ralph) Would I lie?
You saw real strippers?!
What do you think I saw
there? A marching band?
So there I was, sitting
at Eddie's Pink Palace,
just sipping a little brew
and waiting for
the Bubbles McCall
to come out onstage
and take it all off.
Whoa! Whoa!
Hey, uh, no cleats inside, huh?
Then, all of a sudden,
the band starts
playing "Night Train,"
and she comes out wearing
this real slinky cocktail dress,
spike heels,
and listen to this -
long white gloves.
And then she
takes it all off, right?
No, stupid. This
chick has class.
First, she does the dance.
What kind of dance?
Well, it was nothing you've seen
on Arthur Murray's Dance Party.
Anyway, she peels
off the gloves, right?
And then she reaches
around with one hand
and unzips her dress real slow -
Telephone call for
Richie Cunningham.
Hey, Richie, phone.
It's your mother.
Tell her I'll call back.
Look, I got Glutton's Delight
melting all over my hand.
I don't have time to be no
personal message service.
So, anyway... Mom,
can I call you back?
Well, all right, but
could you talk fast?
I'm sitting there. She starts...
Loaf of rye bread... and T.P.
T.P.?
Mom, you can say toilet
paper over the phone.
Listen, Mom, I gotta get going.
Ralph Malph's telling
us about... biology.
Right. I won't
forget, Mom. See ya.
And then she ran
behind the curtain.
Oh, wow! Too much!
I had to lift four car bumpers
and take a cold shower.
Wish I was there.
How'd you get
in? That's terrific!
Too much!
Potsie, what happened?
What did Bubbles do?
You'd never believe it.
Sure, I would. Try me!
What wouldn't I
believe? What did he say?
Ralph Malph said you
gotta see it to believe it.
What are you doing
tomorrow night?
We can't get in
there. You gotta be 18.
We just get fake IDs
and we're in like Flynn.
Come on, where are
we gonna get two IDs?
Do we or do we not have
a friend named Fonzie?
Well, sure. Where are you going?
To set it with Fonz.
Look, I'll be over
tonight before dinner.
We're never gonna pull it off.
Trust me. I'm worldly.
How can you be worldly if
you have to fake being 18?
You wanna be worldly?
You should work in that kitchen.
You wanna talk to me
about something, Richard?
Oh, no. No, Dad.
I'm just sitting.
You look like you're
waiting for someone.
Oh, no. No, I'm not waiting.
OK.
Mom wants you
to open this for me.
Oh, sure.
Who you waiting for, Richie?
I'm not waiting.
He's just sitting.
You wanna try my Hula-Hoop, Dad?
Oh, Joanie, adults don't
play with Hula-Hoops.
Aunt Bessie did.
Oh, yeah. She Hula-Hooped
right out the front door,
and nobody saw
her for four days.
Did you get it open, dear?
Not yet.
(doorbell rings)
I'll get it. I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Hi, Mr. Cunningham.
Potsie.
Fonzie.
(Richie) Oh, hey,
what a surprise!
I didn't know you guys
were coming over tonight.
Upstairs.
His name is Pockets.
Quiet little guy.
Well...
I guess we'll, uh,
go on upstairs now.
Mmm.
Yeah. See ya later.
Now, what kind of a mother
would name her child Pockets?
Kangaroo?
Marion, I can't
get this thing open.
Well, you must have
loosened it for me.
All right, ready?
Oh, yeah.
(whistles) Oh, wow!
(Potsie) Where'd he
get a coat like that?
(Fonzie) It's a hand-me-down.
His brother gave it to him
just before they
sent him to Sing Sing.
Chair... Oh.
Two sets of IDs, right?
Yeah. Right.
Two sets of IDs. What is this?
He wants you to see his forgery
of Eisenhower's signature.
Oh! That's very nice,
Pockets. Very nice.
They think it's
very nice, Pockets.
See, I told you Fonzie
would solve our problems.
Are these things
gonna look real?
Yeah, will we get
our money's worth?
Hey, what's the matter?!
You hurt his feelings.
He's professional.
Oh, listen, I-I'm sorry.
Tell him I'm sorry.
They say they're sorry, Pockets.
Whew!
All right. Now, he needs
to know your weight.
145.
145. Eyes... Blue.
Actually, they're kind of gray.
I thought they were green.
Well, how 'bout if he just
writes down "tutti frutti"?
They're blue.
Thank you. Blue.
All right, your height? 5'10".
Oh, come on. I'm 5'9".
So, I'm taller... You are not...
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey!
5'10".
5'10".
How old?
22.
I guess you better put 18.
18.
All right, this one's finished.
Hey, it's me!
Hey, the ink ain't dry yet.
Oh.
All right, let's get to
work on the next one.
I thought you boys might
enjoy some milk and cookies.
Oh, thanks, Mom, but,
uh, we're not very hungry,
and besides, the cookies
might spoil my dinner.
Why, what is Pockets doing?
Oh, he's, uh, uh, trying
to get rid of the hiccups.
Yeah, yeah, he's got a
bad case of the hiccups.
Hiccups!
(hiccups)
See?
Well, I'll just put
this over here.
Dinner will be
in a little while.
OK. Thanks for the cookies, Mom.
Oh, that was close.
All right, let's
get back to work.
Boo!
There. Did that cure
Pockets' hiccups?
Yeah, Mrs. C. I'm
sure that got rid of them.
Well, good. That remedy
always worked for Richard.
Thanks, Mom.
I'm sorry. She's
gone for good now.
What, are you leaving?!
Well, that's it.
A lady that goes "Boo,"
milk and cookies...
I mean, the atmosphere
just ain't right.
Well, I'm sorry, but
what about my ID Card?
Can't carry the world
on my shoulders.
Sorry.
Oh, yeah, sure. Here you go.
See ya.
So long.
Bye.
Don't worry, Rich.
I'll try and figure
out something.
It wouldn't be the
same without you.
You mean you really
wouldn't go without me?
I'd still go. It just
wouldn't be the same.
Ahchoo!
Oh, Howard.
Maybe you should cancel
that meeting with Fred Hingle.
Marion, for the business
that Fred Hingle gives me,
I can suffer through a little
case of the sniffles. Ahchoo!
That is the loudest case
of sniffles I ever heard.
None for me, thanks. I gotta go.
Why is it this family
can't sit together
for five minutes
after dinner and talk?
I'd love to, Dad,
but I really gotta run.
You've been running ever
since you started college.
You leave the dorm long
enough to wolf down a free meal
or else get your mother
to do your laundry.
Dad, I gotta practice.
I'm changing my free throw
from underhand to overhand.
Looks better for the fans.
Oh, well, then you're
excused, Chuck.
I certainly wouldn't
wanna disappoint your fans.
Good night, Chuck.
Good night, Dad.
Well, Richie, what's new, huh?
Could I be excused?
I gotta talk to Chuck.
So, Joanie, what's new, huh?
Paula Pratt gets a quarter
more allowance than me.
Well, maybe her father's
a quarter richer than me.
Oh, Daddy.
So what's new, Howard?
Got it!
Ah, hey. Nice shot.
Yeah. Chuck?
I don't know whether to go
for the points or the applause.
Yeah.
Uh, Chuck! I need
to ask you a favor.
Shoot.
Could you loan
me your draft card?
What do you want it for?
Well... Goin' to a bar?
Oh, no, nothin' like that.
Strip joint?
Something like that.
I'd lend it to you... You would?
Except I already lent
it to Bobby Gazarri.
Hey, look, I gotta go.
Say-hey, Potsie.
Hey.
How'd it go? You get his ID?
No, I struck out.
I wouldn't worry
about it if I were you.
Why not?
'Cause, uh, I hit a home run.
Oh, ho-ho! Where'd you get it?
Never mind where.
The important thing
is, we're gonna be
at Eddie's Pink
Palace tomorrow night
to watch Bubbles
McCall take it all off!
"Joe Kil-vin-ski"?
It doesn't matter
what name's on it.
Oh, hey, this is terrific!
"Hair... red, weight...
135, eyes... blue,
age... 25?"
Yeah.
Oh, Potsie, I can't pass for 25.
Sure you can.
You wear a bow
tie and look serious.
They'll believe! See ya later.
25?
25 what, dear?
Oh, 25... years. 25 years
that you and dad have
been happily married.
Your father and I have
only been married 21 years.
But it's nice of you
to try to keep track.
(Richie) Potsie, they're
never gonna believe I'm 25.
I heard they beat up a guy
once who tried to sneak in.
All they'll do is
tear up your ID.
Joe Kilvinski will beat you up.
Maybe we should
wait for a better night...
Maybe New Year's Eve.
I was only kidding.
Besides, too late... we're here.
And away we go!
Oh, hey, that was
easier than I thought.
We're in!
I hate to disappoint
you, but that's in.
We're still out.
You ain't 18, and
these are fake IDs.
Oh, this isn't gonna work.
Hey, boss, there's a phone
call for you in the office.
Should I take over for a minute?
Yeah. Maury, watch it. Some
kids tried to give me fake IDs.
Hey, don't worry, boss.
Welcome to Eddie's.
Enjoy the show.
You mean I can just go on in?
Sure.
Unless you're a
weirdo or something.
Oh, no! No, no, ask anybody.
Hey, Kilvinski... Joe,
you forgot your ID.
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
Hey, wait a minute!
Huh?!
Let me see this!
Oh, yeah.
You sure you're 18?
Oh, s-sure. I've been
18 for a long time.
When were you born? Quick!
Uh, '38?
I guess that's pretty close.
Enjoy the show.
(♪ "Sweet Georgia Brown" plays)
Now, that's what I call a woman.
Yeah. Whew!
Potsie, those girls
over there smiled at me.
Well, don't smile back.
Why not?
Because they're bee girls.
If you offer to buy 'em a drink,
they'll order champagne
cocktails at $5 a pop!
What'll ya have?
Oh, uh, I'm not very thirsty.
I didn't ask if you was thirsty.
I asked, "What'll ya have?"
There's a two-drink minimum.
Oh, uh, beer?
Yeah.
Beer.
Beer.
She looks kinda bored to me.
Who cares?
Is that Bubbles McCall?
Are you kidding?
Bubbles will make her look like
Howdy Doody. This is just a prelim.
Well, she's not taking much off.
Don't you know anything?
They don't let her take it off.
They save it up for
Bubbles. She does it all.
Here we go.
Hey, Bobbsey twins, your beer!
No pennies, please.
She juggles pretty well.
So what?
We can see that every
Sunday night on Ed Sullivan.
(applause)
When's Bubbles coming out?
She should be next.
(man sneezes)
Potsie, did you hear that?
What?
That sneeze. It
sounded familiar.
What sneeze?
(man sneezes)
That sneeze.
(sneezes)
Potsie, my father's here.
Your dad?!
Turn your chair
around or something.
Now let's bring out Bubbles
and have her do her stuff!
Come on!
(strip music plays)
We gotta get out of here
before my father sees us.
Are you kidding? And miss
seeing Bubbles do her stuff?
What if he sees us?
Then we'll die with
a smile on our face.
Look, we got this far,
we can't chicken out now.
(applause and whistling)
(whistling)
Here it comes. This is
where she takes it all off.
(applause and whistling)
OK, that's the show,
ladies and gents.
Turn off the bubble machine.
How come they
turned on the lights?
She didn't take it all off yet.
Let's get out of here, Potsie.
Ralph Malph said
she took it all off.
Potsie, let's beat it.
What's America coming to
when strippers don't strip?
Potsie, this is our big chance.
My father went to the
men's room or something.
Come on. OK, OK.
What a drag...
You can't even get away
from your parents at a strip joint!
Oh, brother, that was close.
Oh... What's the matter?
You wanted to
beat it, didn't you?
Potsie, my father was
in a striptease joint.
I never thought he'd
do something like that.
We did something like that.
But this is different.
He's my father.
Yeah.
Come on.
(Man on TV) And now
we return to the conclusion
of tonight's late show.
Oh, hi, Dad.
Oh, hi, Richard.
Good night.
Have a good time?
Oh, you know... nothing special.
What did you do tonight?
Oh, I had a business meeting.
You know, nothing special.
Oh.
Well, I guess I
better hit the hay.
Richard?
Yes, Dad?
You forgot your souvenir.
Souvenir?
You were the
center of attention.
Oh.
Now, would you mind telling me
just how you got
into that place?
Well, I sorta used
a, uh, a fake ID.
Well, in that case,
you're sorta
grounded for a week.
And let me have that ID.
"Joe Kilvinski," huh?
If he were here,
I'd ground him for a week, too.
Dad, does mom
know you were there?
Yes, Richard, I told her.
It was a business meeting.
Every time this Fred
Hingle comes into town,
he drags me down to that place.
And the better the stripper,
the more nails I sell him.
Richard, I tell your
mother everything.
She understands.
Then she knows I was there, too.
No. That she
wouldn't understand.
Oh. Thank you.
Well, you had to
see for yourself
what you weren't missing.
Yeah. Yeah, Bubbles
McCall wasn't exactly
what Ralph Malph
built her up to be.
I think that Ralph
Malph and Fred Hingle
would get along just great.
Come on.
Let's go to bed.
It's getting late.
You know, I feel
a cold coming on.
(drum roll and music intro)
Oh, wait.
(woman) ♪ God bless America
♪ My home sweet home ♪
♪ Standin' on the corner,
watchin' all the girls go by ♪
Man, that week you were grounded
must've seemed like a month.
The only time I spent
that long at home
was when I had the mumps.
It wasn't that bad. I
watched a lot of wrestling.
You guys went down to
Eddie's Pink Palace, didn't you?
Yeah. Yeah.
How was it? Well, actually...
It was terrific! They
had all these girls,
and there was this
one, Bubbles McCall...
She's the one I
heard took it all off.
"Took it all off"?
You gotta see it to believe it.
Yeah? Maybe I ought
to check that place out.
Thanks.
Anytime. So long.
Why did you tell him that?
I don't know.
'Cause bull makes
the world go 'round.
What?
That's why you said it...
'cause bull makes
the world go 'round.
You know, Fonz, you really
got a way of sayin' things.
Yeah, that was very profound.
You know, you're right.
Where you goin'?
I think I'm gonna write
it on the bathroom wall.
♪ This day is ours
♪ Won't you be mine?
♪ These happy
days ♪ Happy days ♪
♪ Hello, sunshine goodbye, rain
♪ She's wearin' my
school ring on her chain
♪ She's my steady, I'm her man
♪ I'm gonna love her all I can
♪ This day is ours
♪ Won't you be mine?
♪ These happy days
♪ This day is ours
♪ Oh, please be
mine ♪ Oh, happy days
♪ Happy days ♪