Happy Days (1974–1984): Season 1, Episode 10 - Give the Band a Hand - full transcript

(Bill Haley and the Comets) ♪ One,
two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock

♪ Five, six, seven
o'clock, eight o'clock rock

♪ Nine, ten, eleven
o'clock, twelve o'clock rock

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ Put your glad
rags on, join me, hon

♪ We'll have some fun
when the clock strikes one

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

♪ When the clock
strikes two, three, and four

♪ If the band slows
down, we'll yell for more



♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

(guitar solo)

♪ When the chimes
ring five, six, and seven

♪ We'll be right
in seventh heaven

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight

♪ When the clock strikes
twelve, we'll cool off then

♪ Start a-rockin'
'round the clock again

♪ We're gonna rock
around the clock tonight

♪ We're gonna rock,
rock, rock till broad daylight

♪ We're gonna rock, gonna
rock around the clock tonight ♪



♪ (man) Down, down,
down, down, down dee doobie

♪ Down, down, down,
down, down dee doobie

♪ Sha sha la la ♪

Rich, maybe we can
set the world's record

for tying up a booth
without ordering.

So how much money
did you say you had?

Uhhh... 73 cents and,
uh, an airmail stamp.

That makes our
total assets $1.11.

You know, here we are,

two able-bodied
men with no money.

Why? 'Cause we're lazy?

Hey, Ralph! How's it goin'?

Terrific, if you like
eating leftovers.

Hey, you guys shouldn't
mess the table like that!

What's the matter?
You used to do it.

Yeah, well, you look at
mess in a different light

when you gotta
clean it, so cool it.

If you're gonna spill,
spill on your clothes.

That's out of my jurisdiction.

H-Hey, Rich, I got an idea!

Why don't we try to make
some money with our combo?

We're not good enough. And
besides, we haven't played in months.

Rich, it's rock 'n' roll. You
don't have to be good, just loud.

We don't even have a piano player
since Jerry Cutler moved away.

Yeah. Ralph plays the
piano. Hey, Ralph, come here.

Come on, guys, I'm busy
as a one-armed paperhanger.

Hey, Ralph, how'd you like a
chance at the big time, huh?

I mean excitement, chicks,

movies, cross-country
road tours!

I already got a job.

No. You see, we need a
piano player for our group.

Yeah, well... I don't
want to leave here.

Arnie says I got a future.

In a couple of weeks, I could
work myself up to French fries!

Who knows? Someday...
chicken in a basket.

I better move
before Arnie fires me.

(glass breaks)

(Arnold) Ralph!!

Ooh!

What time's rehearsal, guys?

(♪ band playing "All Shook Up")

Let's go.

Yeah, Potsie! Oh, yeah!

Whoa! Oh, yeah! Hey!

Well, what do you think,
Fonz? We can take criticism.

Well, if I was Dick Clark, I'd
give you an 83. Really, Fonz?

All right! Terrific!

Yeah, but I ain't Dick Clark,

so for my single
self, I'd give you a 43.

(drum beats)

What do you think
the problem is?

I don't know. I can't
put my finger on it.

Eh... play. Huh?

The drums... play. Oh!

I pass!

Ralphie, smash 'em around.

(♪ "All Shook Up")

All right. Richie.

(♪ playing)

All right. You.

(♪ playing)

All right, all right, all
together now, all right?

1, 2, 1, 2, 3, go!

(♪ "All Shook Up")

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

Boys...

it's like ketchup and
a, uh, banana split.

I mean, separately... all right.

But together... whoa.

Oh, hello, Potsie. Come on in.

(Richie) That's $550.
(Howard) Don't pay him.

Hi, everybody!

Hey, Rich, guess what? I got
the combo a gig at a frat house!

That's terrific! Oh, isn't
that wonderful, Howard?

The boys got a job.
That's wonderful, Richie.

I'm very happy for you,
and I'd be twice as happy

if I could just roll
doubles and get out of jail.

Tough luck, Dad.

It wasn't easy, but I
got us $11.25 each.

(Richie) No kiddin'?
I'll give you $12 to quit.

Why don't we go
tell all the guys?

So long, everybody.

So long, Mr. C. Night, Potsie.

You know, Howard... (gasps)

Oh, Howard!

(♪ Happy Days theme ♪)

(♪ band playing "All Shook Up")

(indistinct conversations)

Nobody's dancin'.

Who wants to dance to
the same number all night?

(music stops)

Any requests?

(sighs)

Guys, um, what are we gonna do?

We only know one number.

Hey, we'll do "I'm All Shook
Up"! That's the number.

And we been
playing it all night.

Yeah, only this time,
we'll do it with the vocal.

Oh, great.

"I'm All Shook Up"...
What do you think?

OK, OK, let's get
this place hoppin'.

A-one, two, a-one,
two, three and...

♪ Well, bless my soul,
what's wrong with me?

♪ I'm itching like a
man on a fuzzy tree

♪ My friends say
I'm actin' wild as a bug

♪ I'm in love I'm all shook up

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh ♪ Ooh, hey, hey

♪ Well, my hands are
shaky and my knees are weak

♪ I can't seem to
stand on my own two feet

♪ Who do you thank
when you have such luck

♪ I'm in love I'm all shook up

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh, ♪ Ooh, hey, hey

♪ My tongue gets
tied when I try to speak

♪ My inside's shaking
like a leaf on a tree

♪ There's only one
cure for this body of mine

♪ That's to have that
girl that I know is so fine

♪ Well, she touched my
hand and what a chill I got

♪ Her lips are like
a volcano that's hot

♪ I'm proud to say
she's my buttercup

♪ I'm in love I'm all shook up

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh ♪ Ooh, hey, hey

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh, hey, hey
I'm all shook up ♪

I don't think we
got 'em hoppin'.

Look, why don't you give your feet a
little rest while we take a little break.

(♪ "Splish Splash")

They're dancing now.

Of course. We warmed 'em up.

Come on, let's get
something to eat, Rich.

We weren't ready for this
job. What makes you say that?

Halfway through one of our
numbers, the dog unplugged my guitar.

Hey, Rich, don't look now, but
that chick's giving me the eye.

Come on, Potsie, it's your
imagination. She's a college girl.

So, what's that mean? I
can pass for a college guy.

You kiddin'? Yeah, well,
just watch my smoke.

Hi, uh, my name's Potsie Webber.

I'm, uh, lead singer and
manager of the band,

and, uh, I couldn't help
notice you were starin'.

Yes, I was.

Did you know you have a
piece of chive on your tooth?

No, I didn't. Uh, excuse me.
I gotta get back to my group.

How'd you do? Um, she's going
steady. I didn't want to cut the guy out.

You got a piece of chive on
your tooth. Oh, I know it. I know.

You want some?

We didn't really need
all this, you know?

(Potsie) They could've at least
applauded when we finished.

Potsie, there was nobody left to applaud.
They all walked out a half hour ago.

But they were walking
out with the beat.

Hey, uh, I gotta haul.
When do we get paid?

Yeah, let's get the money
before they change their minds.

Hey, look. You guys go ahead. I'll get the
money, and we'll divvy it up tomorrow, OK?

Well, I guess that'd be OK.
But let Richie hold the money.

You hear that, Richie? Don't
let him touch it! See ya, Pots.

Hey, Rich, I gotta talk to ya.

To close the deal, I had
to make compromises.

Like what? Like, I'll tell you
while we're sweeping up.

Sweeping up?

That wasn't so bad. No.

While you were at it, why didn't
you volunteer to do the windows?

Oh, they wanted us to do the
windows, but I said, "No dice.

We play music and
sweep floor, but that's it."

You drive a hard
bargain. Yeah. Come on.

OK, I'll bet a
quarter. I'll see that.

I'll see ya, but...

I must be crazy to
play cards like this.

Are you kiddin'? I'd
bet everything on that!

I fold. I'm out.

See, I told you you'd win!

Yeah. It's not every
day I win the ante.

What do you want?

Oh, uh, our money. We
finished sweeping the floor.

Oh, yeah. What do I
owe you guys, 40 bucks?

45.

(sighs) yeah.

You know somethin'?

You got a really good eye
for poker. You know that, kid?

Hey, thanks. We
play it all the time.

Oh, yeah?

Uh, listen, I happen to
be about $4 short here.

But look, I'll tell ya what.
Why don't I pay you in chips?

Here, you can sit
in a hand or two,

and maybe double your
money. What do you say?

Hey, I think I got $4. (thud)

Hey, what'd you do that for?

It was an accident. Why don't
you stack your chips or something?

Well, you boys in or out?

No. I-I-I don't think
we should play.

You'll have to excuse my friend.
He doesn't even watch Bilko.

What have we got to lose, huh?

I mean, it's only two bucks
apiece. It's no big deal!

Well, I guess it wouldn't
hurt just to play one hand.

Yeah, one hand or two hands. I mean, but
the important thing is to make 'em think

you know all about poker.
It's called "bluffing." Come on.

OK, you can deal us in. OK.

Roscoe, you're out, he's in.

Come on, Animal, take
Roscoe away. See ya, Roscoe.

Come on, he won enough already.

Sit down, sit down. Here's
your money, here's your chips.

Here's your $4 in
chips. Let's play poker.

OK, deal 'em and weep.

No, that's "read 'em and weep."

Oh, yeah.

Say, Murf, could I talk
to you in private? Sure.

Hey, Animal, why don't you
talk to the kids for a while?

Hey, uh, m-maybe you
guys, uh, heard of me...

Rodney Lane... varsity football!

Are you kiddin', gamble
with a couple of kids?

It's not gambling. I'm
gonna use the marked deck,

and I'm gonna get back every
cent I paid them. That's stealing.

Listen, taking money for
the way their band played...

That's stealing. Come on.

You guys don't follow sports.

OK, let's play.
Hey, we're ready!

You guys sure you
know how to play?

Oh, sure, sure. I
play cards all the time.

Whenever I used to play in summer
camp, I used to win all the beans.

Right. It's seven-card
high-low, Let's play poker.

Ante.

Won all the beans, eh?

Can we go to bed now, huh?

Well, you said you'd help paste
stamps until Richie got home.

Yeah, that was three books ago.

Oh, we just need 800 books
for this television hi-fi console.

How close are we?

Oh, we only need about 768 more.

By the time you save them your
favorite shows will be off the air.

There they are. Hi.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs.
C. Richie, Potsie,

we expected you
about an hour ago.

Yeah, well, we, uh,
hung around and, uh...

won $50 in a poker game.

Yeah, yeah, we won $50.

You won $50 in a poker game?

Richard, you know I don't
like your playing cards.

You won? Did you hear
that, Marion? They won!

I heard. I think you
should punish him.

My son won $50 at
his first poker game.

Oh, he's a chip off
the old block, Marion.

But we sort of lost
the last hand, though.

Oh? How much?

Everything, including
the money that we earned.

I think you better have a
talk with your son, Marion.

♪ (man) Boop boop boop boop

♪ Boop boop boop boop

♪ Bee-oop boop bee-oop bee-ah ♪

Now, you mean to tell me that you
won every hand up until the last pot,

and then you lost it all?

A-And just before the last deal,

a card was ripped, so
they put in a new deck?

Exactly. It's like
you were there.

I was... many times.

You guys were taken in
by the Hoboken Hustle.

Boy, Rich, are we dumb... taken
in by the old Hoboken Hustle.

Richard, you not only lost
your money, you lost money

that didn't even belong to you.

Uh, well, I guess you want to have
a father-son talk, so I'll be taking off.

See ya.

(whistles)

Taken in by the
old Hoboken hustle.

That's terrible.

Dad, how did you
know about this, uh,

Hoboken Hustle thing?
Well, you see, Richard...

Howard, he doesn't
have to know. Know what?

Why not? He's old enough.
You see, at one time...

Your father was a
pretty good poker player.

What do you mean "pretty good"?

They didn't call me "Chips
Cunningham" for nothing.

Nobody ever called
you "Chips," Howard.

They did so!

OK, if you say so, Howard...

I mean, "Chips."

Dad, you mean you were...
really a good card player?

Marion, bring me
a deck of cards.

I'm gonna show you a couple of reasons
why they called me "Chips Cunningham."

Here are the cards,
dear. Mm-hmm.

Whoa.

Yeah, haven't
lost the old touch.

Watch this one.

Cut the deck, but don't
show me your card.

Now, who won?

I don't know.

Does Mr. Candlestick-maker
beat old maid?

Marion. You won, dear.

Old maid beats
Mr. Candlestick-maker.

Richard, I'm going
up and get dressed.

Then you and I are going
over to the frat house,

and I'm gonna win
your money back...

but not with that deck.

(♪ Happy Days theme)

(♪ "Tequila" by the
Champs playing on radio)

OK, I'm in. Oh, yeah.

I'm in. Uh, let me see
what Roscoe's got.

All right, Roscoe's in
and he, uh, raises you one.

(knock on door)

Hey, go answer the door,
will ya, ya animal? Aah...

O'rourke probably forgot his
keys again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hi!

It's the kid we fleeced tonight,
and he's with some old guy.

Stall him! Well...

Hiya. Hi, again.

Welcome to the Zeta Phi house.

Uh, I'm Lane...
varsity football.

You mind if we talk to
you for a couple minutes?

Well, sure. We
ain't doin' nothin'.

Come on in. Thank you.

Yeah, we're gonna talk, guys.

Represents the
existentialist, uh...

This is little Richie Cunningham.
You remember, from the party tonight?

Oh, yeah, little Richie Cunningham
from the party. He was in the band.

Yeah, and I'm little Richie
Cunningham's father.

Ooh, Mr. Cunningham, it's a pleasure
to meet you. What can we do for you?

Well, I'll tell ya,
my son Richard,

h-he came home without the money
that you were supposed to give him.

Oh, we, uh, we paid him.

Yeah, but he lost
it playing cards.

Oh?

Richard, you
didn't tell me that.

Dad, I... All right,
we'll talk about it later.

Gee, fellas, I-I-I'm
terribly sorry.

I-I thought for a minute
you pulled a fast one.

But if he lost it playing
cards, well, then it's lost.

Yeah, sometimes lady
luck just isn't smiling on ya.

Oh, I know exactly
what you mean.

I play a little cards myself.

You can't keep me away
from bridge night at the church.

Is that right? Yeah.

Well, uh, listen, I guess you'll
be going now, Mr. Cunningham.

I guess you could say
that cards are in my blood.

Uh, did you ever play poker?

I taught Richard
everything he knows.

No kidding.

Uh, you know what?
We were just gonna,

uh, we were just gonna get
up a friendly little game here.

Shazzam! Will you look at that?

Cards and chips and everything!

Yeah. Why don't you just
have a seat? Well, thank you!

Hey, uh, y-you follow
sports? Oh, yeah, sure, sure.

Oh, look. I bent a card.

Oh, ya ruined the deck.

Gee, I hope you've
got another deck.

Just happen to
have one right here.

Oh, will ya look at that? This
must be my lucky night, huh, Richie?

All right, how about a little
seven-card high-low? Let's play poker.

OK. Ante?

Uh, red one? Yeah.

High-low, let's see...

Oh, I-I'm just gonna watch
my dad. Watch dad win.

Now, let's see... Eight...

Ooh! Ten, king, seven.

Dad, I thought the idea
was to win the money back.

Patience, Richard.

Brian, what are you doin'? I
thought you were gonna let him win,

and then take
him in the big pot.

He should've won every
hand. He's worse than his kid!

(Murf) Hey, Mr. Cunningham,
the cards are getting cold.

Ohh!

You guys are
just too hot for me.

Ha ha, he wins again,
folks. He wins big.

Listen, uh, you know,
it's almost dawn.

Why don't we speed things up a
little bit and raise the stakes, huh?

Yeah, sure. Yeah, why don't
we? Why don't we double 'em?

Why don't we triple
'em? Just for fun.

Well, why don't
we say "no limit"?

Oh, well, now, I
don't know... all right.

And I'll tell ya what.
Instead of using these cards,

why don't we use... these.

Hey, Murf, he
carries cards, too.

Uh, you know, I just remembered.

Uh, we have to get up early
tomorrow. We got early classes.

We don't got an early
class tomor... (thud)

Tell you what.

Why don't we all get up
early tomorrow morning, huh?

We can meet at the
dean's office, and I can

show him those funny
little cards of yours.

I'm in. I'm in, I'm in.

All right, gentlemen, the name
of the game is five-card draw.

Jacks or better to open,
and may the best man win.

♪ (man) boop boop boop boop

♪ bee-oop boop bee-oop bee-aah ♪

(Marion) Go on, dear.
Eat your breakfast, now.

Where's Dad and Richie?

They... had an errand to run.

(yawning) Good
morning, Marion, Joanie.

They were out all night. You
gonna ground them, Mom?

Daddies are allowed to
stay out late as they want.

The good daddies better not make
a habit of it. Thank you, Marion.

What happened? Oh, well,
Dad won all my money back.

It's not your money, it's
my money. What money?

You can keep it, though, because
you gotta pay off your debts.

But you and Potsie are gonna have to work
a couple of weekends in the store, huh?

What debts? It's none
of your business, Joanie.

Why not? I'm one of the family.

Say, you know, it's getting
late. Why don't you go to bed?

I just woke up.

Oh.

Well, in that case, you
stay up and I'll go to bed.

You can't go to bed! Today's Junior
Chipmunk father-daughter outing.

Ohh. Marion, can't you go?

Oh, great. The only event
I'll win is the prettiest father.

Listen, Dad, I-I can take her.

He's worse than Mom.

Besides, at the brother-sister
outing, all he tried to do

was make out with the
Senior Chipmunks. Joanie!

Did not. Who'd want to bother with
a bunch of tomboys with overbites?

Mary Ellen is the only
one with an overbite.

Whey're all the same... Nah-uh!

OK, OK. Hold it.
Hold it. I'll go, hmm?

♪ (man) boop boop boop boop

♪ boop boop boop boop

♪ bee-oop boop bee-ahh ♪

Joanie cooked dinner tonight.

Yes, here we go.

What, ah, what are we
having for dinner, huh?

It's a recipe from my
Junior Chipmunks book.

Oh.

What's in the soup, Joanie?

Howard.

I just wanna know what
we're eating, Marion.

It's bark soup. The
recipe says to use birch,

but I could find
any, so I used willow.

Willow, huh.

Ah... Joanie?

What do you say we all go out
and get some nice cheeseburgers?

French fries?

And milkshakes.

Oh, that's a good idea, Dad.

Hey, this is terrific soup.
Can I have some more?

(♪ "Happy Days" by Charles Fox)

♪ Hello, sunshine, goodbye, rain

♪ She's wearin' my
school ring on the chain

♪ She's my steady, I'm her man

♪ I'm gonna love her all I can

♪ This day is ours

♪ Won't you be mine?
These happy days

♪ This day is ours

♪ Oh, please be
mine those happy days

♪ Happy days ♪