Happy! (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - A Friend of Death - full transcript

Previously on "Happy!"...

I run the third largest
network in the nation.

I have everything
a man could wish for.

What about the things
a man shouldn't wish for?

Run back to Sonny Shine?

Go get high with the man who
kidnapped your own daughter?

- Sonny Shine kidnapped me?
- Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me?

I thought I was doing
what was best for you.

I hate you both.

Hailey!



Now, to show you
that I come in peace,

I'm going to retrieve
Ms. Hanson for you.

Later, sucker.

There, there, little lamb.

Come inside.

Oh, hell, no!

Nick? Nick.

Where's Hailey?

It's bad, Nick.
She's with the bunny-eye guy!

Oh, crap, did I butt-dial
911 again?

Get down!
Get the fuck down!

Okay, everyone relax.
Take it easy.

I will empty this gun
into your fucking face.

Okay, but I'm gonna need
your car first.



I will shoot you
in the head, neck, and chest

until I am
completely out of ammo!

Mm, sounds reasonable.

You're gonna need
ibuprofen, boys.

Car 1103, please respond.

We've got a code 8 in need
of additional officers.

Home disturbance, shots fired.

Car 1103, and I got to tell you

that all these reports about
a disturbance at this residence

are greatly exaggerated.

Now, the tenants have agreed
to turn down the fucking noise,

clean up after their pets,

and wear some fucking underwear
when the curtains are open.

Synced & corrected by MaxPayne
== https://subscene.com ==

Officer, please state
your badge number.

Uh, yeah, I'm gonna have
to get back to you on, uh...

On that one there, dispatch.

All right, Hap.

Let's go get her.

You're gonna want to hang
a right up here toward 278.

This it?

Hmm?

Ah...

Oh, Nick, we did it!

Oh, nothing gives my tongue
a tickle like the taste

of a pickled...

Nick, I-I think that's...

Pee-pee, Hap.

It's pee-pee.

Pretty cool rabbit's foot.

I wonder what happened
to the rest of him?

It's for luck.

Oh, Hap...

it was right in front of me.

He's been working her
this whole time.

How the hell did I miss it?

It's not your fault, Nick.

If anyone should have known
what she was going through,

it was me.

But all I could think about
was my own dumb hang-ups.

Hap.

Hailey!

And the harder the big,
hairy, stupid monkey tried

to free himself from the trap,
the tighter the trap closed.

Where is she?

So you've happened
onto my groovy little pad.

What a shame.
I really like this place.

So many fond memories.

Yeah, we took the tour.
It's cozy.

So why don't you come home
to daddy?

We'll Netflix and chill
together.

I'm going to press a button now.

Good-bye, monkey.
Smoothie...

- Uh, Nick?
- Was that my stomach?

♪ Mr. Rabbit, Mr. Rabbit ♪

♪ Your ears are mighty long ♪

♪ Yes, bless God,
they was put on wrong ♪

♪ Every little soul
must shine, shine ♪

♪ Every little soul
gonna shine ♪

I'm gonna hollow out your head
like a pumpkin,

you motherfucker.

Dad.

Hailey, Hailey, sweetheart...

You have to stop
trying to find me.

I'm safe.

No, no.

No, listen to me.
Listen to me.

He's lying to you, baby.
No, Dad.

You're the only one
who lied to me.

You and Mom.

I understand why
you thought you had to,

but I'm done being lied to.

Hailey.

Nick!

Excuse me, miss...

Who is this woman?

Ms. McCarthy,
the police officer...

Yep.

- Kap Gostynski.
- Yes, I am.

Last of the big-time moguls.

Kind of a legend, aren't you?

Tell the Emmys.

Thank you for seeing me.
Why wouldn't I?

I'm always happy to cooperate
with New York's finest.

And I do mean...

"finest."

Sonny Shine.

A one-in-a-million talent.

Smile that lights up the screen.

I'm more interested in his
talents behind the camera.

"Behind the camera"?

I've seen the tape, Kap.

You're a hungry boy.

Amazing how realistic

Hollywood special effects are
these days.

You're a busy man,
so I'll get right to the point.

Sonny's Easter Eggtacular...
The show cannot air.

You couldn't possibly
understand the reasons why.

I barely understand them myself.

But if that show is broadcast,

the results will be
catastrophic.

"Catastrophic"?

You're telling me.

That Easter special
is an abomination.

At this point, I'm convinced
a video of me eating

my nephew's tartar would be
less damaging to my career

than airing that piece of shit.

You're the only at
the network keeping it alive.

You can cancel his sequined ass
with one phone call.

As you said...

I'm a busy man.

Sonny doesn't believe
in digital, Kap.

"Tape is forever," he says.

There's only one copy,
and I have it.

Cancel the show.

I'll give you the tape and let
you destroy it yourself.

This is turning into
a bad scene.

First of all, I'm not buying
you as a lady cop.

You got the sexy part,
although a low-cut blouse,

preferably in a bold,
primary color,

would helpful
in that department,

but where's
the no-nonsense blazer

that says, "I can hold my own
in a man's world,

pinch my bottom
at your own peril"?

- I have that blazer.
- Sure you do.

And the hairstyle...

I understand the appeal
of no muss, no fuss,

but you look like you're here
to sell me an investment condo.

Sorry, doll, I know bad acting
when I see it.

You're bluffing.

I thought you might say that.

Sorry I wasted your time,
Gostynski.

I'll enjoy watching you leave.

How much farther?

We're close now.

Who were those men...

at the house?

Your father's made
a lot of enemies.

That's something
that he might have considered

when he came back
into your life.

But that's parents.

They don't see their children
as individuals.

They only see them
as a reflection of themselves.

Where are we?

Someplace that I haven't been
in a very long time.

What about Sonny?

You said he...
Don't worry.

We'll be safe here, and...

then we'll decide what we'll do
about you-know-who.

$22.82.

Diesel, pump four, and these.

I need to go number one.

You wait here for me.

Oh...
and order the cherry soda.

It's delicious here.

It was on the news.

Can't believe you didn't
hear about that.

No.

Kid only must have been 12,
13 years old.

Unbelievable.

A-and no one ever knew
why he did it?

Said he just wanted
to prove it was possible.

Little dude just stood there

at the junior high science fair.

All the other kids
and their parents walking by.

Standing next to the jar.

His own nuts
floating in the jar.

His nuts.

Get the fuck out of here.
I shit you not.

Just looking everyone
in the eye.

No shame, no pride.

Just zippo.

Said he cut them off himself.

Surgical, with a straight ra...

Had to be 30 years ago.

Wonder whatever happened
to the little bastard?

Probably ended up in Congress.

Or in Hollywood.

Been a spell since y'all
and myself done caught up.

Oh.

I've had my hands full.

Incidentally,
this is Upstate New York,

not Pickens County, Alabama.

You are wearing a lot of hats
these days, Smoother...

Bunny hat,

working for Sonny Shine hat,

conspiring to kill
the very same Sonny Shine hat,

gaslighting and programming
his pint-sized assassin hat.

It's nothing
that I can't handle.

The plan is proceeding along
perfectly.

So you say.

But I have my nagging doubts.

This girl, it don't seem
much like she'd be ready

to do what needs to be done,
now, do it?

She'll be ready.

I have broken down everything
that she ever believed in.

There's nothing left.

Just a blank page
waiting to be written.

Mm-hmm.

But I know when someone
has made a friend of death.

And she...

ain't done it.

You trusted me for a reason,

and I will not disappoint you.

All I need is a little more ti...

Would you stop that, please?

Sorry.

What the fuck
was I thinking, Hap...

trying to be
some kind of normal dad,

trying to stick
to the straight and narrow?

How was me being back
in their lives

gonna end up any different?

You tried to do good, Nick.

That's what matters.

No.

Hap, that don't matter.

I'm a virus.

Everything I touch,

everything anywhere near me
is bound to be infected

sooner or later.

Amanda...

Hailey.

I've lost everyone
that ever meant anything to me.

You haven't lost me.

What the hell
you still doing here, anyway?

Shouldn't you be out
rutting with a...

lawn ornament?

Yeah, I guess I deserve that.

You're not the only one
who's had their head

up their you-know-what lately.

While you were trying
so hard to change,

I was doing everything I could
not to.

I lost sight
of what's really important,

what being an imaginary friend
is all about.

We can't give up hope, Nick.

I think I'm out of hope.

Well, I got enough hope
for the both of us.

- Goody.
- I'm gonna find help, Nick.

- You do that.
- I'll be back, I promise.

But first, I got to make
with the Jackrabbit Parole.

What the...

God, I want to turn you
into a chess piece.

Oh, Sax.

We're coming for you, asshole.

- Uh, Nick?
- Yeah, asshole.

Listen to me.

Get out of here.

Well, well, well, boys in blue.

What took you so long?

Nick Sax.

That's what's sewn
into my underwear.

- You used to be one of us.
- Yeah.

Yeah, look at you now.

Not to brag, but you should
see the other guys.

You put some of your ex-brothers

in the hospital last night, Sax.

Let me stop you right there.

I can't believe you guys
came all the way down here

just to recite a pretty speech,

so why don't we just
get down to it?

This is it?

It's not much, I know.

We weren't well off.

I didn't mean...

No, it's okay.

It's nice.

Where is she?

Just a minute.

No, no, no, it's okay, Mom.

Mama, mama, mama.

Hailey.

Meet Cheryl.

Hi.

Mama, this is, uh, Hailey.

She's gonna be staying with us
for a while.

Mal de ojo.

No, no, no.
Tranquila, mama...

- Mal de ojo.
- Tranquila, por favor.

Yeah.
Mal de ojo.

Mama, mama.

Te amo, mama.

My biological mother
died in childbirth.

My father met Cheryl.

She's the only mother
I've ever known.

She seems so scared.

I'm sorry.

It's the first time, uh,
that she's seen me...

since...

To be honest, Hailey, um,
she's been through a lot.

We all have.

Because of him.

"Him"?

My...

Let me, uh, show you
to your room. Come on.

I know it's musty,
but, uh, you'll be safe here.

You're leaving?

There's something
that I need to do.

I'll just be an hour,
and then we'll go for lunch.

You must be starving.

No.

You told me we'd make sure

Sonny Shine never hurt anyone
ever again.

You said you'd make everything
right again...

for me, for my parents.

But you never told me how.

You need to trust me.

But it'll never be right,
not until he's in jail forever.

How can we do that from here?
Why are we running away?

We are not running away.

A policeman told me a story once

about a child that was...

taken.

They caught the man who did it,

and he was, quite simply,
a monster.

You know the type.

The child's father came
to see the policeman one night,

and he was filled with rage.

He said, "I don't care
about the laws.

"Just let me in that cell
with him alone for 20 minutes.

That's all I ask."

Do you know
what the policeman said?

He said, "The man in that cell
is a killer.

"He knows what violence means...

"what it feels like,
what he's capable of.

"He has made friends with death.

"You haven't.

"If I let you in there
alone with him...

you'll never come out."

I don't understand.

You'll get your revenge, Hailey.

I promise.

If you're looking
for your fuck-boy Sax,

you're a little late.

He's behind stripes.

It's about time, if you ask me.

Not exactly news.

Half the department ran code
on that APB.

And he's not my fuck-boy.

Speaking of which,
where's yours?

None of your beeswax, McCarthy.

Look, forget I asked.

You know, some people
just have a different idea

of what being
a good partner means...

if you know what I mean.
I don't.

Some people think
that they can have

as many partners as they want
as long as they have a badge

and two X chromosomes...

Okay, that's more information
than I ever needed to know.

Oh, fine.

If you really must know,

Hubble and I ain't exactly
on speaking terms right now.

That's rough.

I mean, who's gonna finish
your sentences for you?

Oh, that's really funny.

You're a regular
Tig Notaro, McCarthy.

Listen to me,
I need to get to Sax.

Not gonna happen.
I'm sorry.

Nick Sax was taken into custody

because he refused
to cooperate...

You're a dirty girl, Ace.

You know, I'm dirty, too.

The whole department's dirty.

Doesn't mean we can't
throw each other a bone.

What, uh...

what... what kind of bone
are you talking about?

I don't know
how deep in you are with Shine,

what you know,
what you don't want to know,

but I'm willing
to look the other way.

Just get me Sax.

Oh, that kind of bone.
Right.

All I'm saying
is what's good for the goose

is good for the...

You know, geese in general.

You know, McCarthy,

getting you kicked off
the force was...

Nothing personal.

I know.

How about that bone?

I think I could, uh,
see what I could do.

Listen.

Just a minute, now.
Don't monkey around.

What if I told you
I was crazy about you?

Who said you were, and so what?

No, look, what I mean, Johnny...

I really like you.

I really like you, too.
Should I trust you?

Maybe I'd be good for you.

Now, wait a minute, I'm not...

- Oh, my.
- You all right?

Oh, I'm sorry...

- Simon.
- Hey, you.

I was hoping you'd call.
Is everything all right?

What are you doing...
I mean right now?

- Just catching up on...
- Great.

Fuck that.

I'm in this...

Um...

I'm actually not quite sure
what it is,

but I need you
to get over here right now

and get in me.

Can you do that?

Just finding a pencil.

Are you there?

I need it now, motherfucker!

Amanda.

Boy, is someone gonna have
a tummy ache tomorrow.

"You scoundrel," I said.

"Would you ask Kyoko Kishida
to do that?"

And then he said,

"I have no recollection

of Kyoko Kishida
working in pasties."

Bebe!

Oh, look who it is.

My little whatchamacallit.

- Happy, remember?
- Well, of course I do.

You're the pool boy's
little pal.

- Bebe, I need your help.
- Yes?

There's a lady inside,
Amanda Hansen,

and she's in a lot of trouble.

This is no place
for a nice, sweet mommy,

let alone one
with a bun in the oven.

We've got to get her
out of here.

Preggers, you say?

Oh, well, say no more,
little poopsie.

Aunt Bebe can handle this.

Well...

we are making ourselves
right at home, aren't we?

Hi!

Oh, I'll be you are.

Bebe, tell her Nick is in jail.

Tell her she's
in terrible danger being here.

Tell her Sonny Shine is...

I'm sure that I need
no introduction,

but I'm going
to sock it to you anyway.

I'm Bebe DeBarge,
and this is my house.

And that is my imported
strawberry daiquiri syrup

that you're guzzling down.

Hey!

I was drinking that.

You were, and now you're not.

Listen to me,
you little gold-digging whore...

N-no, that's not
what I said at all!

Girl to girl...

It's not that I can't empathize.

I remember when it was me
in your shoes.

I had just gotten off the bus
from some dusty nowhere

and trying to make my way
up to the top

in the big city

with nothing but my smarts,
my talents,

and my God-given sex appeal.

I know your game because
I played it in spades, baby.

But my Sonny is off limits.

So why don't you just
pack up your act

and take it somewhere else?

Lady...

I don't understand
half of what you just said.

But if you're trying

to get laid out
on your dusty ass,

you said it to the right bitch.

- No!
- Ladies.

You've met.

How delightful.

Well, hello, handsome.

He sure is.

Oh, Bebe, Bebe,

my Bebe.

Run along, now, Bebe.

The boys are getting lonely.

I'll take care of this.
Mm.

Look at you.

This blush of new life

so becomes you, Amanda.

Keep talking.

I am...

amazed.

Can this really be true?

I have lived for eons...

and yet there is still...

newness.

Still moments of wonder.

Looks like it's time
for us to go.

- Uh, A-Amanda, I...
- Oh!

I thought I had
the address wrong.

It's you with the pretty eyes!

Come with me,
we're having a baby!

Wait, what?

It... it can't be mine.
Of course not, silly.

It doesn't matter.
I'll stay with you.

I've always dreamed
of having a family.

We'll raise this baby together,
and I will love it like my own.

We'll follow our blessed baby.

Walk it like we talk it.

Who the fuck are you?

I don't particularly
appreciate your tone, friend.

Aw, he was nice.

We're going to see
the doctor now.

What's the matter with you, Sax?

Ain't you even gonna fight back?

It's no fun
if you're just gonna lie there.

Yeah, at least pretend
to be into this.

Well...

sure, I mean, if it'll help.

- Nick Sax.
- Is my table ready?

Get the fuck out.

You fucking loser.

Oh, I guess it was
only a matter of time

before you ended up
on this side of the bars,

huh, chief?

Got two options.

We can do this the hard way...

or we can do it
the rock-hard way.

- Do you even need to ask?
- Well, not really.

Howdy, partner.
Welcome to Western Buffet.

We'd come here once a month...

Our big night out.

I used to look so forward to it.

You could have anything
you wanted.

Is it like you remember?

No, it's not the same.

Nothing stays the same.

People change.

Oh.

The jukebox...

That was the best.

I-if you grow up
in a town like this,

sometimes music is all you have.

Sometimes when I can't sleep,

I put on my headphones
and listen to music all night.

It keeps you
from thinking about...

things.

Y-your dad, was he really bad?

Uh, well...

let's just say I didn't have
to look outside the house

to find monsters.

Alcoholic, violent temper.

Sounds familiar, I guess.

My dad would never hurt me.

Uh, Cheryl managed
to get us away from him.

If she hadn't done it...

he would have
eventually killed us both.

Where did he go?

Not far.

Ah, I just had
the silliest idea.

I don't know any of these songs.

They're all old.

This one.

♪ Welcome to your life ♪

♪ There's no turning back ♪

♪ Even while we sleep ♪

♪ We will find you ♪

♪ Acting on your
best behavior ♪

♪ Turn your back
on Mother Nature ♪

♪ Everybody wants
to rule the world ♪

♪ Help me to decide ♪

♪ Help me make the most
of freedom ♪

♪ And of pleasure ♪

♪ Nothing ever lasts forever ♪

♪ Everybody wants
to rule the world ♪

You're welcome.

Do I want to know
how you swung this?

- Don't ask.
- Don't tell.

Look, Sax,
I can't sugarcoat this.

Since I last saw you
things have gone from weird

to, like, super fucking weird.

Blue has escaped from prison,
only he isn't Blue.

He's gonna kill Sonny
on live TV.

Sounds great.
I'll set my DVR.

Just give me a moment.
It's gonna feel so much better.

Oh, yeah,
like lancing a hemorrhoid.

Now, where were we?
Mer, look...

I can see that you've got
a nice, comfortable seat

on the observation car
of the crazy train,

but I need you to stay here.

Here.

And by here, I mean reality.

I can't do this alone.

Sax, this has been
about Sonny's Easter show

the entire time.

Mer, I don't give a shit omelet

about Sonny's Easter show!

I care about one thing...
My family.

Yes, your family!

They're all a part of this, too.

I don't know exactly...
Nick!

Hold that thought.
What?

Nick, I found Amanda.
I know where she is.

We got to hurry, Nick.

I-I mean,
we really got to hurry!

Copy, hurry. Mer, I can't
tell you how I know this...

- Amanda.
- Yeah.

I don't care how you know.
Let's go get her.

Great, and then we'll take care

of Sonny Shine's
little Easter show later.

Oh, don't worry about that.
I took care of it already.

- Oh, shit, my car, too?
- Yeah.

Wow, you must've been digging
deep down in that thing.

Oh, good God.

This is a great honor.

I've been providing
quality programming

for children of all ages
on this network

for over a decade.

I've done more upfronts
than Matt Lauer.

But to be called before

the esteemed Board of Directors

on the eve
of my greatest triumph,

all I can say is I've never felt

such a sense of family.

I've never felt...
Shine.

We didn't call you here
to wish you good luck.

Your special's off.

"Off"?

Canceled.

But Easter's tomorrow.

That's correct.

The public has been through
a lot this year.

These Easter Bunny
terrorist attacks

have cast a pall
on the entire season.

Then the events of this morning,

which were a terrible shock
to all of us.

But this so-called
"Eggtacular"...

Honestly, Shine,

haven't the people
suffered enough?

I'm going to save Easter.

Not this year

and not on our network.

I think Kap Gostynski

will have something
to say about that.

Gostynski?

Didn't you hear?

And this just in...
Shocking footage has emerged

of famed TV executive
Kap Gostynski

appearing to cannibalize
his young nephew.

Warning to our audiences...
This footage will be graphic.

Is that you?

Hold my calls.

I mean really
disturbing footage.

If I were Kap Gostynski,

I would certainly think
about killing myself.

Well, you know what?

Why don't we show it
one more time

for our viewers
that are just joining us?

Oh, shit.

- ♪ Everybody wants... ♪
- Oh...

That was the most fun
I have had since...

What is it?

Did you hear that?

Listen.

We've got to get him
to a doctor.

It's him.

Why did you bring me here?

My mother lives
in fear every day

that he will come back
to finish what he started.

I can't bear
to see her this way.

I've warned him, threatened him.

But now I'm gonna do what
I should have done years ago.

When you left earlier,
this is what you were doing.

Don't you see?

I've spent my whole life
trying to find the courage

to face this moment.

He did things to us...

things that I cannot repeat,

things that I cannot bear
to remember.

I was powerless, Hailey.

But not anymore.

If you can find the courage
to do what needs to be done,

then so can I.

You're my inspiration.

You're going to kill him.

Sometimes bad people

need to die.

But don't think of it
as revenge.

Think of it as
doing what needs to be done

because you are the only one
with the courage to do it.

And when it's over,
the world is more...

correct.

That's all.

I've given him a drug.

It'll deaden his nerves
so he won't feel a thing.

Shh, shh, shh. Try to relax.

It will take you days to die.

But all the while,

your nerves will be vividly,

exquisitely alive.

You will feel...

everything.

You can look away
if you want to.

It has to be this way

because of everything you did.

Do you understand?

Who are you?

It'll be over soon.

We're done here.

We're going back to the city.

You needed
to make a friend of death,

and now you have.

You're ready.

Ready?

For what?

You're gonna do what
your father should have done...

what I should have done.

You're gonna kill the one
who stole your childhood...

your innocence.

Sonny Shine.

Well, well, back at General.

Yeah, I'm getting misty
just thinking about it.

Last time I was in that joint,
I had to shoot my way out.

Yeah, well, we might have
to shoot our way in this time.

I love when you talk dirty
to me.

How could Amanda ever end up
in such an awful place, Nick?

Consorting with
the wrong sort of people, Hap.

We're gonna need
to find another way in.

I like this way.

- Nick. Nick.
- What?

They have Amanda in there.

It's better if they don't know
we're coming.

Is it yours?

She said she was
getting back into dating.

Oh, for crying out loud,

can we just change
the subject, please?

I'm trying to focus
on the loss of human life

I'm about to inflict.

Sorry.

Jesus.

Oh, shit, I forgot
to tell you the best part.

- N-Nick?
- Sockatoo.

- Hey, Nick.
- You know, the Wishee...

The one we tried to cut open?
Did you see something?

Okay, all right, stop.
You know something?

You've been interrupting
an awful lot.

I mean, if you got
something to tell me,

why don't you... holy shit!

What the...

Uh-oh.

Nick!

Lady!

Lady, wake up!

All right, sandwich lover.

Look, Mer,
it does have an asshole.

Well...

that happened.

Where is everybody?

Your little tramp
is in the hospital.

Oh!

Don't you want to see
if it's a boy or a girl?

Are you insane?

The seed of my loins...

is my work,

my art,

my Eggtacular.

And it's kaput!

Well, then what about this?

You silly, silly woman.

The baby inside
Amanda Hansen isn't mine.

What's going on?
Why are they here?

Heart rate's
going through the roof.

We're gonna lose her.

It's theirs.