Happy! (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - 19 Hours and 13 Minutes - full transcript
Sax ate the jelly. Trips B, D, all of it. And on Hailey's birthday. Amanda makes a breakthrough.
Previously on "Happy!"...
I would love to know
what you and Sonny
had to talk about.
He's got blackmail on everyone.
It's on videotape.
The people on these tapes
protect him.
Kap, what do you think?
I think it's fuckin' brilliant.
Holy guacamole,
it's Dayglo Doug!
Dayglo Doug was there
when Sonny started.
Now you'll have plenty of time
to devote to your... passions.
Sounds like a slam dunk witness
to build the foundation
of your case on.
You were big, Doug.
Sonny just took
whatever he wanted to,
starting with my show.
Hailey, I am so, so sorry.
Get away from me.
Listen, I've been
protecting you, haven't I?
You almost got hurt back there.
It's like you're
two different people.
I'm Blue Scaramucci.
I am trapped in you.
My name is Orcus.
The Wishees.
I killed it.
Whatever it was that
came out of that thing,
I put it in a jelly jar.
For now, I'm gonna
get this jelly open.
Sax!
No! No!
Oh, oh.
Holy...
Closest thing
I have to hard evidence
literally down the shitter.
God damn it, Sax.
Yeah, it's probably
just as well.
That palooka was a few bananas
short of a split.
He was right about one thing:
those were the wrong tapes
at Sonny's place.
The real stuff's gotta
be at Shine Tower,
so that is where we're gonna go.
Uh, hey, wait,
hold on. Hold on.
I... I know I offered to help,
Policewoman,
but go to Shine Tower?
I might as well
pop a cyanide capsule
and chase it with a Luger.
Oh, I could take you back to
Alpine Memories, if you prefer.
You're not joking.
Oh.
Okay, uh, listen, sweet cheeks,
I've come up
with a better solution,
one that I think would
work well for both of us:
Brazil!
You can relax on the beach,
work on your tan.
I will whip up a fresh new act.
You keep doing that, I'm
gonna shoot you in your face.
Yep.
Look.
This was taken at a public
appearance nine days ago.
I count four
of these furry fucks.
If I emptied a gun
into one of them,
who the hell is in that suit?
I'll get out of your hair.
Just lend me a few bucks
for bus fare.
I've always wanted
to see Schenectady.
You'll never have to worry
about old Doug again.
This is your tape, Doug...
- W...
- The one Sonny made.
You don't have to be
afraid of him.
He doesn't have anything
on you anymore.
I'm going to Shine Tower.
I could really use your help.
Nick!
Nick!
Oh, come on, Nick,
where are you?
Ooh!
Oh, you cakes, you yummy cakes!
That reminds me of when
Amanda brought home
that awful gluten-free cake
with the edible candles.
And thatreminds me
of when Hailey
burned a hole
in her Daisybots bedsheets.
And thatreminds me of when Sax
tied sheets around his neck
and told me to get
into my safe space
because he wanted quiet time.
And thatreminds me
of when Hailey
got that pink singing
alarm clock for her...
It's Hailey's birthday!
Get in.
Sorry, fellas, Janet warned me
about getting into cars
with strangers
without a bag of chaw
and a fresh pair of pantyhose.
- Now, bitch.
- Clock's ticking.
♪
All right, Sax,
get your shit together.
You got a job to finish.
You know, if we're already
gonna be doing
the last name thing,
I just think introductions
would be proper.
♪
Well, well, if it ain't
Humpty, Dumpty, and...
what's your name again?
I ain't no Easter egg, Sax.
Well, you are dyed.
Get it?
Maybe you're feeling
a tiny smidgen of guilt
for what you did to us...
And you're lashing out.
The only thing I'm feeling
is a burning sensation
in my asshole,
a gag reflex
from the combined stench
of the four of us
in close quarters,
the acute tedium
of this conversation,
and a burning sensation
in my asshole.
You said that twice.
What I am not feeling
is one shred of guilt for
having ventilated you dotards.
In fact, if I had the chance
to do it again...
wait, does that mean
I get to do it again?
Come on, Sax.
Don't change the subject.
You know what you gotta do.
Spoiler: it involves bullets.
♪
Sorry to disappoint
you guys, but...
I'm indisposed.
I got this really important
thing I gotta take care of,
so if you would just
let me out of this van.
- Really?
- And what exactly is that?
You can't remember, can you?
Um...
Well, if I could,
why would I tell you?
Some dad.
He forgot
his daughter's birthday.
- Wait.
- That today?
I knew that.
And you need
to get her a present.
You know how long
it took me to find a Wishee?
Driver, take me to the place
that sells
shit that kids like!
You're a killer, Sax,
a death dealer.
Ain't we the proof?
That's what you do good.
You want to get your kid
a present, huh?
Why don't you bring her
the head of you-know-who
with a pretty bow on top?
I'm done with that.
Listen, don't threaten me
with a good time.
Besides, I'm retired
from that game.
I got the watch to prove it
and everything.
Looks like you got
a retarded watch.
You can say you're retired
all you want.
A tiger doesn't
just wake up one day
and decide it's a canary.
No, it does not.
We'll make this simple.
Either you're the one
taking the envelope,
or you might just
find yourself inside of one.
I had you assholes all wrong.
I thought you was hard-boiled,
but look at you...
extra runny.
Extra runny.
Get off the bus, you moron!
- Oof.
- Get some pants on!
Ah!
What do you want?
Is it cool if we sit with you?
Shouldn't you be hanging out
with your queen bee, Dagny?
That's not really
a thing anymore.
So who was that old guy
at the zoo?
My boyfriend.
Cool.
I know you probably
hate us, but...
We're sorry
for being total dicks.
Tastes like cake batter.
Well, it is my birthday.
Oh, my God, it's your birthday?
Happy birthday.
You're totes JUULing with us.
♪
♪
What do we have in common?
Not race.
Not creed.
Not religion.
Certainly not
sexual orientation,
whatever that might mean
around here.
Not even possession
of two balls and two eyes.
Hello, Trotsky.
Looking good there.
No, there's only one thing
that we have in common:
death.
Death, the fearof it, yes,
but also the lustfor it!
All of us here have taken lives.
We have conjured death,
and now death waits upon us
and death waits for us
impatiently.
That is the thing we share.
Black, white, brown, it unitesus
into a perfect brotherhood.
Now, you take Odipo here.
Odipo dismembered his wife
and his cousin
when he found them making
the beast with two backs.
His wife broke
the vows of marriage.
His cousin broke
the covenant of family,
such a messy business,
such Sturm und Drang!
But what Odipo gave to them
was simple, was pure,
was perfection,
and someday, maybe someday soon,
Odipo will join them in...
Preach, brother.
Excuse me, please.
Take off your goddamn head.
- Please don't shoot me.
- Shut up.
It looks human.
Ow!
Name.
J-Jessup, J-Jessup Miller.
Jesus Christ, it is, isn't it?
How long have you worked
for Sonny Shine?
Since about six weeks back.
Right around when
I killed it. Times out.
- Killed?
- What do you mean, killed?
- Tell me about the others.
- You met them?
I... I... I mean, I work
with them every day,
but I never properly
met any of 'em.
High on their own farts,
those ones.
I can't say I blame them.
I mean, they is superstars.
Still, I ain't ever even seen
anyone with their heads off.
I'm just the new guy.
I tried to get in good.
I brought doughnuts,
Frappuccinos,
even offered Mr. Shine
a blowie.
That's how to move up
in this business.
Stop.
You blew Sonny Shine?
- No, ma'am.
- He turned me down.
But I think that rubbed
some of the other Wishees
the wrong way.
They're hella possessive
of Sonny,
follow him around 24/7
always in character.
They got dressing rooms
like this one?
Not that I ever saw.
They pretty much go
wherever they want around here,
got the run of the place.
Listen, old-timer,
I'm a team player.
Maybe I give you a quick
blowie, y'all let me go.
Shut up!
You watch him.
I got an idea.
Pink.
At least we know
who one of us is.
- You're right.
- That...
You're right.
This can't go on.
Really?
Seems like things are
going pretty good for you.
Nobody's trying
to whack you anymore.
You got a bunch of new friends.
They all worship you like
you're some kind of God, Blue,
like some kind of David Koresh
or Tony Robbins.
Screw those...
Screw those idiots.
It's not me, Pink.
You know that.
It's someone else.
The thing is,
there's less and less
of me every day.
And I can't control that.
And that's why...
That's why I have to die.
Don't be so dramatic.
No, no, listen to me.
I'm never getting out
of this thing alive.
You got to think of it
like I'm already dead.
The moment that Mikey
whispered in my ear,
he gave me a death sentence.
But...
I can still fuck him.
Mikey?
No, Orcus.
I don't understand.
If I die, he dies.
Either that
or he's trapped forever
in some kind of
mindless flesh prison.
I don't know.
Either way, it is
all the way up his ass.
So let me get this right:
you want me to kill you, Blue.
Is that right?
Yeah.
I can't do that.
Oh, Pink, come on.
You're the only one that can.
They all worship the motherfuck.
I can't do it myself.
He'll just stop me.
Please.
If you love me,
and I think you do,
just end this.
I'm begging you.
Jesus, Blue, now?
No, no.
I don't want to see it coming.
You gotta get me
when I least expect it.
I can't believe
this is even real.
How the hell
do you think I feel?
- Hailey!
- Hailey, I didn't forget!
Oh, it's a cake.
Then He changed water into wine.
I have a birthday cake
for a Hailey Hansen.
Says, "Love from the Squad."
Happy birthday, Hailey.
Really?
Everyone deserves cake
on their birthday.
Okay, kids, let's sing
"Happy Birthday" to Hailey.
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday,
dear Hailey ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday, dear Hailey
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪
You think this is funny?
Hailey's got a doodie cake!
Girls!
Girls, quiet down.
- Stop laughing.
- It's not funny!
You're hurting her feelings.
It's...
I thought we ordered
a real cake.
We did.
It's supposed to be
her special day!
Don't cry, Hailey.
I'm here.
Happy's here.
Don't listen to them.
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Jingle bells,
jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way
- Stop it!
- Stop it!
Hailey!
All right, all right,
I get what's going on here.
It's like one of them dreams
where you've got a hard-on
and no pants.
Oh, my god.
Oh, work it, baby.
Work it!
♪
That's fantastic.
It's so beautiful.
Is this heaven?
♪
Holy shit.
Nick.
Wow.
I'm up here.
Amanda, are we dead?
No, dummy.
You're not getting
off the hook that easy.
Neither of us is.
Then what?
I don't know if you've noticed,
but Mama's been
a little... off lately.
Hmm.
Yeah, I just thought
it was stress.
No, you know better.
You've been an addict
for ten years
and a cop for ten before that.
You know withdrawal
when you see it.
It's in the eyes...
That jonesing for something
you can't have.
Something so bad.
But so good.
Oh.
Hmm.
- Amanda, I can't.
- I made a promise
to you for Hailey.
No more drugs.
No more booze.
Doesn't seem fair, does it,
that to be a dad, you have
to be someone you're not?
Is that what Hailey
really needs,
some kind of jive counterfeit
construct of a man?
- I ain't trying to be jive.
- I'm trying to be good.
Shh.
You can never be that.
Maybe you could fake it
for a while and not very well,
but what you can be
is that ass-kicking
pimp daddy of destruction
you were bornto be.
- Say "ah."
- Argh.
- There you go.
- Give in, baby.
You know neither one of us
can face
what we're about to face
straight.
Is that man okay?
- He's fine.
- Just don't make eye contact.
Sockatoo? Five minutes!
Uh, all right...
Ma'am.
I miss it,
backstage, the dressing rooms,
the crudités,
the bottles of water.
Where can a guy pinch a loaf
around here?
Oh, thanks.
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪
♪ Ooh-ooh, Sonny Shine
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪♪ Ooh-ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪
Sockatoo, there you are.
They're calling for you
back in rehearsal.
My therapist told me a great way
to let go of some
of my anger would be
to write letters
to people I hate
and then burn them.
I tried it.
Felt a lot better.
Next time, maybe
I'll burn the letters too.
That joke was old
when you were young.
Also...
dinosaurs.
Well, well, well,
if it isn't Sonny Snake.
Seeing you on that stage
just reminds me
how unsexy all of this was
before I came along.
This is my stage, Sonny!
♪
♪
♪
♪
Doug, what are you doing?
You made a muytragic mistake
coming here, Doug.
You should have stayed
where I put you,
running shtick for schnitzel.
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
Then you wouldn't have
to look into the face
of the man you betrayed.
Please, you were washed up.
Nobody was buying
Dayglo Doug anymore.
They wanted something
new and dangerous and hot.
I made you.
If you had invented Sonny Shine,
you would have
invented Sonny Shine.
I'll have to ruin
what's left of you, you know.
I'll release your tape.
I mean, you're not
too scrambled upstairs
to remember our little
video party, are you?
I remember you set me up,
got me all wizzle-wozzle
on airplane glue and then...
Captured the all-too-human
side of Dayglo Doug,
up close and in the raw.
The six fans you have left
will be heartbroken.
Well, that's going to be
a little difficult,
isn't it,
without this?
What's that, Doug?
Just what you used
to keep me down for 20 years.
- I'm just curious.
- Where'd you get that?
Wouldn't you love to know?
The important thing is,
you've got nothing on me now,
so I'll be taking back
everything you stole from me:
my routine, my show.
It's never too late
for a third act, Sonny,
and this is mine!
Well, Doug, you caught me
on a really bad day.
Yeah, myact, myshow
is a multibillion dollar
enterprise,
and the little special I have
coming up in less than 72 hours
is set to turn
that B into a T-R,
so my patience is lambskin-thin.
I'm under craystress.
I'll tell all, Sonny.
I will sing like the loudest
canary you ever heard.
You smell...
old.
Doug, your act is shit.
It was always shit.
You can have it.
But there's one thing
of yours, though,
one thing I've always loved.
Is this thing on?
♪
♪
Happy?
Do I look happy?
All right, all right, hey,
I got something
that's gonna cheer you up.
Somebody remembered
Hailey's birthday.
That's right: Me.
Yeah, and I'm going
right up there,
and I'm gonna get her a present.
What do you think about that?
The question is,
what do you think about it?
I think it's pretty obvious
I'm part of some lame attempt
at working through your issues
through a series of...
Metaphorical hallucinations.
Really?
Yep, the real Happy
is knocking one back
at a bar somewhere,
for all I know.
We're on our own, Nick.
TBH, I don't think this little
trip down the rabbit hole
is gonna end well for you.
Well, who asked you, anyway?
You know, I'm done
taking parenting pointers
from a flying horse.
You ain't told me one thing
about Hailey that's panned out.
It's true.
I guess I haven't given you
the best advice, Nick.
Hailey's grown out
of the things we used to like,
and maybe I don't know her
as well as I used to.
Maybe not,
so if you'll excuse me.
But I do have one suggestion.
Yeah?
You want to give Hailey the
best gift any dad ever could?
Of course I do.
I know exactly what it is:
the, um, little fluffy the
stuffed what do you call it?
No, Nick,
the best gift you can give her
is to disappear.
What the hell
did you just say to me?
You bring pain and destruction
to every life you touch, Nick.
I saved her life!
- You did.
- Now save it again.
Leave town and never look back.
Ever westward, remember?
Ever westward?
I'll send you ever westward
to the glue factory, you...
I can be different.
I can change.
The new you
is imaginary, Nick, not real.
Trust me, I know
a thing or two about that.
You're supposed to be
my goddamn cheerleader!
What the hell's gotten into you?
Hailey's not the only one
growing up, Nick.
Maybe I'm just seeing things
the way they really are
like you always wanted me to.
Christ in a shithouse,
this day just keeps getting
worse and worse.
Well... great talk, Hap.
Thanks a million.
Pain and destruction, TBH.
Well, I know a thing or two.
I'll... I'll... I'll shove a thing
or two right up your...
What are you lookin' at?
What does it all mean?
What's my purpose?
Life was so much simpler
when it was just me and Hailey.
I feel ya, buddy.
I wouldn't wish your current
assignment on any IF.
It's not just that Nick
is a grown-up.
It's not even that
he's a batshit degenerate.
It's just,
does he really need me?
Does anyone?
He does.
Come on, Twigs,
I'm being super serious.
I feel like the whole world
is changing,
leaving me behind.
From the lady.
Dude, there's your purpose
right there.
Go talk to her.
I'm not in the mood.
Bo Peep buys you a drink,
you better get in the mood.
- Uh, hi, Peep.
- Thanks for the drink.
Oh, maybe I've had too much.
Hey, hot stuff.
Uh, me?
I ain't talkin' about him,
unless someone's got a match.
You look really skinny.
Ha, yeah, well, bright side:
now I can drink.
Cheers.
You're cheating on me
with a heckin' horse?
Hey, there's no call
for that kind of...
You don't own me, you psycho.
We went on one date.
Biggest mistake of my life.
And I don't cheat.
Cheating's for cheaters.
No one's talkin' to you,
pony boy,
and that was no date, Peep.
What we had was sweet
roly-poly baby fat magic.
Oh, well,
then I'm just gonna leave
before someone gives me cancer.
Oh, yeah?
Ooh!
♪
Come on!
My hero.
♪
♪
Hailey.
Is there something
you want to say to me?
At least Dad
has an excuse to forget.
Hailey, oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
- Don't touch me!
- I don't know what happened.
I lost track of the days.
You forgot my birthday, Mom.
How is that possible?
How is that possible?
I don't know.
There's something
happening to me.
Ever since...
Something I can't remember.
Something I can't understand,
an emptiness,
a space that wants to be filled,
that needs to be filled
more than anything
you've ever known.
I've tried filling it...
But there's nothing, nothing.
- Mom.
- It's like when you were a kid
and you wanted to know
who your dad was.
You never talked about it,
but I know you thought about it
all the time.
Maybe it's something like that.
Or maybe it's nothing like that.
You probably think
I'm losing my mind.
- It's all right.
- I got a cake at school.
- A cake, that's good.
- That's good.
You deserve to have
a nice birthday.
I got to go.
- Mom, no.
- I know what I have to do now.
- Mom, don't go.
- Please stay.
Happy birthday, baby.
Mom.
♪
If you're here to audition
for the Sonny Shine
Easter special,
make sure you
fill out the sign-in sheet
with your contact infor... hey!
This show is just... wow.
♪
What about the things
a man shouldn't wish for?
Even you must have
one of those, Kap.
And now it's the moment
you've all been waiting for.
- Come on, Mom.
- It's starting.
Sonny Shine!
♪
Happy birthday.
How did you know?
That's what friends are for.
I thought we ordered
a real cake.
We did.
♪
♪
♪ You're the best around
♪ Nothin's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
♪ You're the best around
♪ Nothin's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
♪ You're the best around
♪ Nothin's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
♪ Nothing
♪ You're the best around
♪ Nothin's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
♪ You're the best
♪
Hailey.
Dad?
Look what I got for you.
It was here, I swear.
It's all right, Dad.
You already gave me my present.
No. No.
Give me that.
Things are going to be
like they used to be.
You mean before...
♪
I...
This is your gift to me, Dad.
It's okay.
It's not your fault.
It's my fault.
No!
♪
♪
I'm here to see Sonny Shine.
I would love to know
what you and Sonny
had to talk about.
He's got blackmail on everyone.
It's on videotape.
The people on these tapes
protect him.
Kap, what do you think?
I think it's fuckin' brilliant.
Holy guacamole,
it's Dayglo Doug!
Dayglo Doug was there
when Sonny started.
Now you'll have plenty of time
to devote to your... passions.
Sounds like a slam dunk witness
to build the foundation
of your case on.
You were big, Doug.
Sonny just took
whatever he wanted to,
starting with my show.
Hailey, I am so, so sorry.
Get away from me.
Listen, I've been
protecting you, haven't I?
You almost got hurt back there.
It's like you're
two different people.
I'm Blue Scaramucci.
I am trapped in you.
My name is Orcus.
The Wishees.
I killed it.
Whatever it was that
came out of that thing,
I put it in a jelly jar.
For now, I'm gonna
get this jelly open.
Sax!
No! No!
Oh, oh.
Holy...
Closest thing
I have to hard evidence
literally down the shitter.
God damn it, Sax.
Yeah, it's probably
just as well.
That palooka was a few bananas
short of a split.
He was right about one thing:
those were the wrong tapes
at Sonny's place.
The real stuff's gotta
be at Shine Tower,
so that is where we're gonna go.
Uh, hey, wait,
hold on. Hold on.
I... I know I offered to help,
Policewoman,
but go to Shine Tower?
I might as well
pop a cyanide capsule
and chase it with a Luger.
Oh, I could take you back to
Alpine Memories, if you prefer.
You're not joking.
Oh.
Okay, uh, listen, sweet cheeks,
I've come up
with a better solution,
one that I think would
work well for both of us:
Brazil!
You can relax on the beach,
work on your tan.
I will whip up a fresh new act.
You keep doing that, I'm
gonna shoot you in your face.
Yep.
Look.
This was taken at a public
appearance nine days ago.
I count four
of these furry fucks.
If I emptied a gun
into one of them,
who the hell is in that suit?
I'll get out of your hair.
Just lend me a few bucks
for bus fare.
I've always wanted
to see Schenectady.
You'll never have to worry
about old Doug again.
This is your tape, Doug...
- W...
- The one Sonny made.
You don't have to be
afraid of him.
He doesn't have anything
on you anymore.
I'm going to Shine Tower.
I could really use your help.
Nick!
Nick!
Oh, come on, Nick,
where are you?
Ooh!
Oh, you cakes, you yummy cakes!
That reminds me of when
Amanda brought home
that awful gluten-free cake
with the edible candles.
And thatreminds me
of when Hailey
burned a hole
in her Daisybots bedsheets.
And thatreminds me of when Sax
tied sheets around his neck
and told me to get
into my safe space
because he wanted quiet time.
And thatreminds me
of when Hailey
got that pink singing
alarm clock for her...
It's Hailey's birthday!
Get in.
Sorry, fellas, Janet warned me
about getting into cars
with strangers
without a bag of chaw
and a fresh pair of pantyhose.
- Now, bitch.
- Clock's ticking.
♪
All right, Sax,
get your shit together.
You got a job to finish.
You know, if we're already
gonna be doing
the last name thing,
I just think introductions
would be proper.
♪
Well, well, if it ain't
Humpty, Dumpty, and...
what's your name again?
I ain't no Easter egg, Sax.
Well, you are dyed.
Get it?
Maybe you're feeling
a tiny smidgen of guilt
for what you did to us...
And you're lashing out.
The only thing I'm feeling
is a burning sensation
in my asshole,
a gag reflex
from the combined stench
of the four of us
in close quarters,
the acute tedium
of this conversation,
and a burning sensation
in my asshole.
You said that twice.
What I am not feeling
is one shred of guilt for
having ventilated you dotards.
In fact, if I had the chance
to do it again...
wait, does that mean
I get to do it again?
Come on, Sax.
Don't change the subject.
You know what you gotta do.
Spoiler: it involves bullets.
♪
Sorry to disappoint
you guys, but...
I'm indisposed.
I got this really important
thing I gotta take care of,
so if you would just
let me out of this van.
- Really?
- And what exactly is that?
You can't remember, can you?
Um...
Well, if I could,
why would I tell you?
Some dad.
He forgot
his daughter's birthday.
- Wait.
- That today?
I knew that.
And you need
to get her a present.
You know how long
it took me to find a Wishee?
Driver, take me to the place
that sells
shit that kids like!
You're a killer, Sax,
a death dealer.
Ain't we the proof?
That's what you do good.
You want to get your kid
a present, huh?
Why don't you bring her
the head of you-know-who
with a pretty bow on top?
I'm done with that.
Listen, don't threaten me
with a good time.
Besides, I'm retired
from that game.
I got the watch to prove it
and everything.
Looks like you got
a retarded watch.
You can say you're retired
all you want.
A tiger doesn't
just wake up one day
and decide it's a canary.
No, it does not.
We'll make this simple.
Either you're the one
taking the envelope,
or you might just
find yourself inside of one.
I had you assholes all wrong.
I thought you was hard-boiled,
but look at you...
extra runny.
Extra runny.
Get off the bus, you moron!
- Oof.
- Get some pants on!
Ah!
What do you want?
Is it cool if we sit with you?
Shouldn't you be hanging out
with your queen bee, Dagny?
That's not really
a thing anymore.
So who was that old guy
at the zoo?
My boyfriend.
Cool.
I know you probably
hate us, but...
We're sorry
for being total dicks.
Tastes like cake batter.
Well, it is my birthday.
Oh, my God, it's your birthday?
Happy birthday.
You're totes JUULing with us.
♪
♪
What do we have in common?
Not race.
Not creed.
Not religion.
Certainly not
sexual orientation,
whatever that might mean
around here.
Not even possession
of two balls and two eyes.
Hello, Trotsky.
Looking good there.
No, there's only one thing
that we have in common:
death.
Death, the fearof it, yes,
but also the lustfor it!
All of us here have taken lives.
We have conjured death,
and now death waits upon us
and death waits for us
impatiently.
That is the thing we share.
Black, white, brown, it unitesus
into a perfect brotherhood.
Now, you take Odipo here.
Odipo dismembered his wife
and his cousin
when he found them making
the beast with two backs.
His wife broke
the vows of marriage.
His cousin broke
the covenant of family,
such a messy business,
such Sturm und Drang!
But what Odipo gave to them
was simple, was pure,
was perfection,
and someday, maybe someday soon,
Odipo will join them in...
Preach, brother.
Excuse me, please.
Take off your goddamn head.
- Please don't shoot me.
- Shut up.
It looks human.
Ow!
Name.
J-Jessup, J-Jessup Miller.
Jesus Christ, it is, isn't it?
How long have you worked
for Sonny Shine?
Since about six weeks back.
Right around when
I killed it. Times out.
- Killed?
- What do you mean, killed?
- Tell me about the others.
- You met them?
I... I... I mean, I work
with them every day,
but I never properly
met any of 'em.
High on their own farts,
those ones.
I can't say I blame them.
I mean, they is superstars.
Still, I ain't ever even seen
anyone with their heads off.
I'm just the new guy.
I tried to get in good.
I brought doughnuts,
Frappuccinos,
even offered Mr. Shine
a blowie.
That's how to move up
in this business.
Stop.
You blew Sonny Shine?
- No, ma'am.
- He turned me down.
But I think that rubbed
some of the other Wishees
the wrong way.
They're hella possessive
of Sonny,
follow him around 24/7
always in character.
They got dressing rooms
like this one?
Not that I ever saw.
They pretty much go
wherever they want around here,
got the run of the place.
Listen, old-timer,
I'm a team player.
Maybe I give you a quick
blowie, y'all let me go.
Shut up!
You watch him.
I got an idea.
Pink.
At least we know
who one of us is.
- You're right.
- That...
You're right.
This can't go on.
Really?
Seems like things are
going pretty good for you.
Nobody's trying
to whack you anymore.
You got a bunch of new friends.
They all worship you like
you're some kind of God, Blue,
like some kind of David Koresh
or Tony Robbins.
Screw those...
Screw those idiots.
It's not me, Pink.
You know that.
It's someone else.
The thing is,
there's less and less
of me every day.
And I can't control that.
And that's why...
That's why I have to die.
Don't be so dramatic.
No, no, listen to me.
I'm never getting out
of this thing alive.
You got to think of it
like I'm already dead.
The moment that Mikey
whispered in my ear,
he gave me a death sentence.
But...
I can still fuck him.
Mikey?
No, Orcus.
I don't understand.
If I die, he dies.
Either that
or he's trapped forever
in some kind of
mindless flesh prison.
I don't know.
Either way, it is
all the way up his ass.
So let me get this right:
you want me to kill you, Blue.
Is that right?
Yeah.
I can't do that.
Oh, Pink, come on.
You're the only one that can.
They all worship the motherfuck.
I can't do it myself.
He'll just stop me.
Please.
If you love me,
and I think you do,
just end this.
I'm begging you.
Jesus, Blue, now?
No, no.
I don't want to see it coming.
You gotta get me
when I least expect it.
I can't believe
this is even real.
How the hell
do you think I feel?
- Hailey!
- Hailey, I didn't forget!
Oh, it's a cake.
Then He changed water into wine.
I have a birthday cake
for a Hailey Hansen.
Says, "Love from the Squad."
Happy birthday, Hailey.
Really?
Everyone deserves cake
on their birthday.
Okay, kids, let's sing
"Happy Birthday" to Hailey.
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday,
dear Hailey ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday, dear Hailey
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪
You think this is funny?
Hailey's got a doodie cake!
Girls!
Girls, quiet down.
- Stop laughing.
- It's not funny!
You're hurting her feelings.
It's...
I thought we ordered
a real cake.
We did.
It's supposed to be
her special day!
Don't cry, Hailey.
I'm here.
Happy's here.
Don't listen to them.
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Jingle bells,
jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way
- Stop it!
- Stop it!
Hailey!
All right, all right,
I get what's going on here.
It's like one of them dreams
where you've got a hard-on
and no pants.
Oh, my god.
Oh, work it, baby.
Work it!
♪
That's fantastic.
It's so beautiful.
Is this heaven?
♪
Holy shit.
Nick.
Wow.
I'm up here.
Amanda, are we dead?
No, dummy.
You're not getting
off the hook that easy.
Neither of us is.
Then what?
I don't know if you've noticed,
but Mama's been
a little... off lately.
Hmm.
Yeah, I just thought
it was stress.
No, you know better.
You've been an addict
for ten years
and a cop for ten before that.
You know withdrawal
when you see it.
It's in the eyes...
That jonesing for something
you can't have.
Something so bad.
But so good.
Oh.
Hmm.
- Amanda, I can't.
- I made a promise
to you for Hailey.
No more drugs.
No more booze.
Doesn't seem fair, does it,
that to be a dad, you have
to be someone you're not?
Is that what Hailey
really needs,
some kind of jive counterfeit
construct of a man?
- I ain't trying to be jive.
- I'm trying to be good.
Shh.
You can never be that.
Maybe you could fake it
for a while and not very well,
but what you can be
is that ass-kicking
pimp daddy of destruction
you were bornto be.
- Say "ah."
- Argh.
- There you go.
- Give in, baby.
You know neither one of us
can face
what we're about to face
straight.
Is that man okay?
- He's fine.
- Just don't make eye contact.
Sockatoo? Five minutes!
Uh, all right...
Ma'am.
I miss it,
backstage, the dressing rooms,
the crudités,
the bottles of water.
Where can a guy pinch a loaf
around here?
Oh, thanks.
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪
♪ Ooh-ooh, Sonny Shine
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪♪ Ooh-ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪
Sockatoo, there you are.
They're calling for you
back in rehearsal.
My therapist told me a great way
to let go of some
of my anger would be
to write letters
to people I hate
and then burn them.
I tried it.
Felt a lot better.
Next time, maybe
I'll burn the letters too.
That joke was old
when you were young.
Also...
dinosaurs.
Well, well, well,
if it isn't Sonny Snake.
Seeing you on that stage
just reminds me
how unsexy all of this was
before I came along.
This is my stage, Sonny!
♪
♪
♪
♪
Doug, what are you doing?
You made a muytragic mistake
coming here, Doug.
You should have stayed
where I put you,
running shtick for schnitzel.
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
Then you wouldn't have
to look into the face
of the man you betrayed.
Please, you were washed up.
Nobody was buying
Dayglo Doug anymore.
They wanted something
new and dangerous and hot.
I made you.
If you had invented Sonny Shine,
you would have
invented Sonny Shine.
I'll have to ruin
what's left of you, you know.
I'll release your tape.
I mean, you're not
too scrambled upstairs
to remember our little
video party, are you?
I remember you set me up,
got me all wizzle-wozzle
on airplane glue and then...
Captured the all-too-human
side of Dayglo Doug,
up close and in the raw.
The six fans you have left
will be heartbroken.
Well, that's going to be
a little difficult,
isn't it,
without this?
What's that, Doug?
Just what you used
to keep me down for 20 years.
- I'm just curious.
- Where'd you get that?
Wouldn't you love to know?
The important thing is,
you've got nothing on me now,
so I'll be taking back
everything you stole from me:
my routine, my show.
It's never too late
for a third act, Sonny,
and this is mine!
Well, Doug, you caught me
on a really bad day.
Yeah, myact, myshow
is a multibillion dollar
enterprise,
and the little special I have
coming up in less than 72 hours
is set to turn
that B into a T-R,
so my patience is lambskin-thin.
I'm under craystress.
I'll tell all, Sonny.
I will sing like the loudest
canary you ever heard.
You smell...
old.
Doug, your act is shit.
It was always shit.
You can have it.
But there's one thing
of yours, though,
one thing I've always loved.
Is this thing on?
♪
♪
Happy?
Do I look happy?
All right, all right, hey,
I got something
that's gonna cheer you up.
Somebody remembered
Hailey's birthday.
That's right: Me.
Yeah, and I'm going
right up there,
and I'm gonna get her a present.
What do you think about that?
The question is,
what do you think about it?
I think it's pretty obvious
I'm part of some lame attempt
at working through your issues
through a series of...
Metaphorical hallucinations.
Really?
Yep, the real Happy
is knocking one back
at a bar somewhere,
for all I know.
We're on our own, Nick.
TBH, I don't think this little
trip down the rabbit hole
is gonna end well for you.
Well, who asked you, anyway?
You know, I'm done
taking parenting pointers
from a flying horse.
You ain't told me one thing
about Hailey that's panned out.
It's true.
I guess I haven't given you
the best advice, Nick.
Hailey's grown out
of the things we used to like,
and maybe I don't know her
as well as I used to.
Maybe not,
so if you'll excuse me.
But I do have one suggestion.
Yeah?
You want to give Hailey the
best gift any dad ever could?
Of course I do.
I know exactly what it is:
the, um, little fluffy the
stuffed what do you call it?
No, Nick,
the best gift you can give her
is to disappear.
What the hell
did you just say to me?
You bring pain and destruction
to every life you touch, Nick.
I saved her life!
- You did.
- Now save it again.
Leave town and never look back.
Ever westward, remember?
Ever westward?
I'll send you ever westward
to the glue factory, you...
I can be different.
I can change.
The new you
is imaginary, Nick, not real.
Trust me, I know
a thing or two about that.
You're supposed to be
my goddamn cheerleader!
What the hell's gotten into you?
Hailey's not the only one
growing up, Nick.
Maybe I'm just seeing things
the way they really are
like you always wanted me to.
Christ in a shithouse,
this day just keeps getting
worse and worse.
Well... great talk, Hap.
Thanks a million.
Pain and destruction, TBH.
Well, I know a thing or two.
I'll... I'll... I'll shove a thing
or two right up your...
What are you lookin' at?
What does it all mean?
What's my purpose?
Life was so much simpler
when it was just me and Hailey.
I feel ya, buddy.
I wouldn't wish your current
assignment on any IF.
It's not just that Nick
is a grown-up.
It's not even that
he's a batshit degenerate.
It's just,
does he really need me?
Does anyone?
He does.
Come on, Twigs,
I'm being super serious.
I feel like the whole world
is changing,
leaving me behind.
From the lady.
Dude, there's your purpose
right there.
Go talk to her.
I'm not in the mood.
Bo Peep buys you a drink,
you better get in the mood.
- Uh, hi, Peep.
- Thanks for the drink.
Oh, maybe I've had too much.
Hey, hot stuff.
Uh, me?
I ain't talkin' about him,
unless someone's got a match.
You look really skinny.
Ha, yeah, well, bright side:
now I can drink.
Cheers.
You're cheating on me
with a heckin' horse?
Hey, there's no call
for that kind of...
You don't own me, you psycho.
We went on one date.
Biggest mistake of my life.
And I don't cheat.
Cheating's for cheaters.
No one's talkin' to you,
pony boy,
and that was no date, Peep.
What we had was sweet
roly-poly baby fat magic.
Oh, well,
then I'm just gonna leave
before someone gives me cancer.
Oh, yeah?
Ooh!
♪
Come on!
My hero.
♪
♪
Hailey.
Is there something
you want to say to me?
At least Dad
has an excuse to forget.
Hailey, oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
- Don't touch me!
- I don't know what happened.
I lost track of the days.
You forgot my birthday, Mom.
How is that possible?
How is that possible?
I don't know.
There's something
happening to me.
Ever since...
Something I can't remember.
Something I can't understand,
an emptiness,
a space that wants to be filled,
that needs to be filled
more than anything
you've ever known.
I've tried filling it...
But there's nothing, nothing.
- Mom.
- It's like when you were a kid
and you wanted to know
who your dad was.
You never talked about it,
but I know you thought about it
all the time.
Maybe it's something like that.
Or maybe it's nothing like that.
You probably think
I'm losing my mind.
- It's all right.
- I got a cake at school.
- A cake, that's good.
- That's good.
You deserve to have
a nice birthday.
I got to go.
- Mom, no.
- I know what I have to do now.
- Mom, don't go.
- Please stay.
Happy birthday, baby.
Mom.
♪
If you're here to audition
for the Sonny Shine
Easter special,
make sure you
fill out the sign-in sheet
with your contact infor... hey!
This show is just... wow.
♪
What about the things
a man shouldn't wish for?
Even you must have
one of those, Kap.
And now it's the moment
you've all been waiting for.
- Come on, Mom.
- It's starting.
Sonny Shine!
♪
Happy birthday.
How did you know?
That's what friends are for.
I thought we ordered
a real cake.
We did.
♪
♪
♪ You're the best around
♪ Nothin's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
♪ You're the best around
♪ Nothin's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
♪ You're the best around
♪ Nothin's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
♪ Nothing
♪ You're the best around
♪ Nothin's gonna ever
keep you down ♪
♪ You're the best
♪
Hailey.
Dad?
Look what I got for you.
It was here, I swear.
It's all right, Dad.
You already gave me my present.
No. No.
Give me that.
Things are going to be
like they used to be.
You mean before...
♪
I...
This is your gift to me, Dad.
It's okay.
It's not your fault.
It's my fault.
No!
♪
♪
I'm here to see Sonny Shine.