Happy! (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - Resurrection - full transcript
Season Finale. Sonny's Eggtacular = lit. Sax, Amanda, Happy save Hailey from worse than death.
Happily on previous...
I wanna know about
the big announcement
that your show
is being cancelled.
This is not an end!
The show will go on!
Bingo!
I really wish things were
the way they used to be.
Yeah, I'm back.
Where's our fucking daughter?
Penis.
♪ Put on a happy,
happy, happy ♪
Sonny!
What do I know?
Except exactly where Hailey is.
Here's daddy destruction.
You can never get back
what was stolen from you,
but you can make the world
more correct.
Later, sucker.
You want me to inject him?
In the buttocks, please.
The world is not correct.
We both know this doesn't end
until one of us is dead.
Absolutely.
But there are
much worse things than dead.
♪ I'll have a blue
♪ Christmas
♪ Without you
♪ I'll be so blue
♪ Just thinking about you
Buy you another?
Your glory hole
is somewhere else, pal.
I don't swallow.
Oh.
I'm sorry, you're clearly not
the Nick Sax
that I've heard of, then.
Blue Scaramu...
I know who you are.
I just don't want
what you're selling.
Wise not to trust anyone.
Oh, they set you up good, Sax.
Cops going cannibal on cops.
Ain't that a sorry state
of internal affairs?
One for my friend.
Double, please.
Tell my new friend
I don't have any friends.
Just pour his into mine.
Oh...
you know what, give me
a little glass of, um...
maraschino cherries.
"New York's Finest."
Christ, look what
they did to you.
You're like a...
lonely pube...
on the rim of a urinal.
Cast off, forgotten.
Clinging for dear life.
You know,
you put those words to music,
you could have yourself
a hit there.
Now, as pertaining
to my prior employment,
they didn't do anything to me
that I hadn't already earned
twenty times over.
And now they're gonna
plant blow?
Good on them.
Okay.
Fedore Pavlov,
"The Dog Whisperer."
Yeah, so, besides
a double-digit body count,
what did he do,
steal your tricycle?
That's one sour cherry.
Well, he's a slippery
motherfucker.
We tried to put him away
for years.
There's your mistake.
Man like this,
one does not put him away.
One puts him in the ground.
[Tchaikovsky's "Dance of
the Sugar Plum Fairy"]
And who better than Nick Sax
to do so?
You played by their rules
long enough.
Now, look.
Look what it's gotten you.
Work for me.
Embrace your manifest destiny
as judge, jury...
And executioner.
And maybe even have a little fun
while you're at it.
Nick.
Nick.
Nick!
Wake up, Nick!
I'm okay, I'm...
I'm just a little...
Real talk.
Hmm?
That's some good shit, Smoothie.
I wouldn't, if I were you.
I need him alive.
Not you.
Let's go.
♪ Ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪ Ooh, Sonny Shine
This way to your seat,
Ms. Hansen.
Ah!
Hey, cool it
with the rough stuff.
Hey!
No!
What kind...
What kind of evil...
Feels great.
A teeny bit tight, is all.
I guess the costume was made
for a little guy.
Mm, don't worry about that.
You've studied the script?
Yes, sir.
Me good, you evil.
Blah, blah, blah.
And then you kick my ass.
Then I kick your ass, correct.
Right, about that part.
We ain't really
ever gone over that.
Improv.
I make my entrance,
you follow my lead.
I defeat you, I save Easter.
Where is the disconnect?
Uh, the other part.
The part where I gotta,
you know.
We've been over this
a bazillion times.
I know, but shouldn't there
be some kind of way
we can fake it?
The blood and guts and all?
You know, like some kind
of Hollywood magic?
No.
You cornfed...
cornhole.
It has to be real.
That's what people want now.
Reality.
But I ain't even skinned
a possum before, Mr. Shine.
You said you would
do anything to succeed.
Right?
A... and then...
the other part, where it says
"the evil dies tonight,"
guess that means
I ain't coming back.
That's the best part.
Yeah, Evil Bunny...
Evil Bunny makes
a death-defying escape
only to fight another day
as Sonny Shine's
very big, very bad,
ultra-arch "villy."
A recurring role!
Uh, give... give me a second!
Okay, get out.
Remember, this is our secret.
Our own J.J. Abrams
super plot twist.
J.J. Abrams.
Sonny.
I'd like you to meet
a very special little girl.
Best seats in the house.
Oh, oh.
Look.
For a special occasion.
Oh, oh, oops!
Maybe I'm getting
a little too excited.
Oh, you thirsty?
Yes.
Yes, thirsty.
Here we go.
Thirsty, thirsty, thirsty?
No, no, no, oh.
Oh, no, you don't.
No, because the alcohol,
it will dilute the drug
running through your system
and we can't have that.
No.
Oops, oh.
Oh, boy.
Big bottle.
Yes.
Look at you.
Every fiber of that
adorable little face
screaming for murder.
Sonny.
This is your new soloist,
Hailey Hansen.
New soloist?
What happened to Tatiana?
She was deported
back to Uzbekistan,
but didn't you hear me?
Hailey Hansen.
Survivor of the terrible mass
kidnappings last Christmas.
I see.
Will you excuse us for a moment?
Isn't she the kid
of you-know-who?
Mm.
You could look at it that way.
Or, she's a celebrity victim.
Put her on a pedestal.
Give her a magical moment.
People love a good
resurrection story.
Does she know the words
to the music?
Oh, every octave.
Yes, yes, yes.
Let's see.
Of all the little
double-x chromosomes
in all the land,
why do you think you deserve
to be onstage with me?
If she's gonna freeze up now,
she's gonna piss ice cubes
on that stage.
It's okay, Hailey.
Now, you tell Sonny Shine
why you're saving
the real fireworks
for the show tonight.
The big event.
Mr. Shine?
I've dreamed of this moment
since I was little.
Honestly, this has been
the worst year
of my entire life.
Christmas was ruined forever.
But you know
who got me through it all?
You.
I made one wish
and it came true.
I'm with you, my hero.
Sonny Shine.
Any kid would kill
to be where I am.
I want you...
to say all of that...
tonight...
on camera...
to the world.
Okay?
Absolutely, Mr. Shine.
Paint my pickle.
Hailey Hansen.
Welcome aboard.
Coming to living rooms
and home theaters
of nearly 100 million
sundrops around the world,
broadcast in
147 different countries,
in 25 languages, including
six dialects of Arabic,
the moment you've been
waiting for all year,
it's Sonny Shine's
Easter Eggtacular!
- Yay!
- Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Are we making Easter
great again?
Yeah!
Sundrops!
♪ Sundrops
I love you all.
I love you, Sonny!
And why wouldn't you?
Why wouldn't you?
You know, I had planned
a big bump and grind number
for the opening
of tonight's show.
Something strange
and darkly sexy.
With my wonderful Wishees,
of course.
But then I thought,
this moment's not about me.
This moment is about you!
Your voice, not mine!
Is there some...
special someone out there...
who will give me their voice?
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Yes!
My, my, my, yes!
Is it you?
No, it's not you.
Up there in the cheapies?
No.
Absolutely not you.
Me, Sonny! Me!
Oh.
You.
You!
Would you like
to give me your voice,
Hailey Hansen?
Yes!
Come on up!
Come on up!
You've probably read about her
on your phones.
Hailey was the little girl
that was kidnapped
last Christmas.
She survived
unspeakable terrors.
Hailey!
And maybe part of her
died a little.
Can you blame her?
Maybe you're starting
to get it, but let me help you.
Inside that Easter basket
is a 9-milimeter handgun.
She smuggled it
into the show tonight.
- No.
- Yes.
No.
But now she's back.
Resurrected.
♪ Limb by limb
and tooth by tooth ♪
♪ Tearing up inside of me
♪ Every day, every hour
♪ Wish that I
♪ Was bulletproof
Hailey!
I gotta find Nick, Amanda.
Nick will know what to do,
he always does!
♪ Wax me
I think you know what
she's gonna do with that gun.
No.
She's gonna use it
for what guns are used for.
Like father, like daughter.
♪ You have turned me
into this ♪
♪ Just wish that
Don't you see, Sax?
This is how I destroy you.
This is how I undo you.
♪ Was bulletproof
No, no, please.
Why not have a child?
What's the worst thing
that could happen?
Winds up like me?
Please.
Oh, the begging
and the pleading.
- No.
- It's like music to my ears.
♪ So pay me money
and take a shot ♪
♪ Lead fill the hole in me
♪ I could burst
a million bubbles ♪
♪ All surrogate
♪ And bulletproof
♪ And bulletproof
I warned you there would be
no Easter fun this year.
No gaiety, no revelry.
No pastel, pagan Bacchanalia.
But you didn't listen!
"Easter Strong," you said.
Well, we'll see!
We'll see!
Sonny, you moron, what the hell?
Nick!
Happy.
I found you.
Just like our first time.
What can I do, Nick?
Sure could use a drink.
No, no, no.
Not that.
Nick, I've been thinking.
You can touch me.
No one else can.
But why?
Uh-
- I think... I think it's because
you believe in me.
- Fascinating.
- Uh-huh.
Now, believe in this.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Bottom's up, buddy.
Not so fast,
you cotton-tailed terrorist!
Over here, rodent!
Your hippity-hoppity reign
of destruction ends tonight.
♪ Mega
Oh, no, no, no.
You're not
going anywhere, daddy.
I filled that syringe
with a dosage
that would paralyze
a silverback gorilla,
and then doubled it.
Should have tripled it.
That was close.
She's outside.
She's gonna meet us outside.
Sonny! Sonny!
Whoo-hoo!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
I... ugh.
- Sonny! Sonny!
- No one gets out of here!
Come on, come on, come on!
Let's get out of here now!
Don't panic, everyone!
I got this!
No, no!
Cut, cut, cut!
Whoo!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Hailey!
Hailey, don't do it...
Stop!
Hailey...
This is what Smoothie wants.
This is what he's wanted
from the beginning.
I'm not doing this for him, Dad.
I'm doing it for me.
Nick!
♪ When Sonny gets blue
♪ Hey eyes get
♪ Then the rain begins
♪ To fall
♪ Pitter, patter,
pitter, patter ♪
Sonny, Sonny!
♪ Love is gone
so what can matter ♪
♪ No sweet lovin' man
Sundrops.
♪ Comes to call
All my little sundrops.
Oh...
♪ She breathes a sigh
of sadness ♪
♪ Like the wind that stirs
Boop.
You're not...
You're not the fu...
You're not the future.
No.
You're not...
Can I get a selfie?
You're not the future.
I'm the... I'm the...
I'm the fu...
I'm the future.
I...
♪ People used to love
♪ Hear her laugh,
see her smile ♪
♪ That's how
she got her name ♪
This is the NYPD!
This is an active crime scene!
If you remain in this area,
you are in danger.
Evacuate immediately.
Huh.
Move calmly and swiftly
to the nearest exit.
Repeat, you are...
- Dad, Dad, Dad.
- Shh.
Dad, I'm... I'm sorry.
Shh, no, no, no.
Calmly and swiftly
to the nearest exit.
It's not your fault.
I did this.
I'm sorry I said
I wanted things to go back
to the way the used to be.
I didn't mean it, I didn't.
I know.
It's okay.
You never needed
a fake dad anyway.
You're not a fake dad.
You're real...
and I don't want you to go.
Move calmly and swiftly
to the nearest exit.
Drop the weapon!
Drop the weapon!
- Any other active shooter?
- Ma'am, drop the weapon.
Hands where I can see them.
Cover the corners!
Sonny's show
was the highest-rated.
Easter Sunday broadcast ever.
By the time he ate the bullet,
he was doing Super Bowl numbers.
He was right,
the show was a hit.
It's ironic.
Poor guy never lived
to see the overnights.
- I always knew it would work.
- What about Brooks?
Replaceable.
No, I mean,
shouldn't we say something?
Tell someone?
I mean, his family?
Why ruin a great
feel-good story?
We should get something going
with the guy.
The one who killed Santa Claus.
Now we're talking.
He's like a real-life
John McClane.
Exclusive with Fareed Zakaria.
Screw that.
Why not his own show?
Wait, wait, let's don't
get ahead of ourselves.
Didn't he die?
Get him over.
Clear.
Somebody check that.
Nick.
Wake up, Nick.
- Call it.
- Time of death, 9:53 p.m.
All right, that's a wrap.
You wanna grab margaritas
at Chili's?
Nah, "The Voice" is on tonight.
No, you can't just...
This is somebody's father!
Somebody's son!
Somebody's best friend!
Wake him up, Doc!
Use the zappers, come on!
Wait.
Do you feel that?
That breeze?
No, uhuh.
No, no, no, don't start
that shit, Doc.
That "you can feel
the spirit leaving them
as they slough off
the motherfucking mortal coil."
I'm not having that shit.
I will walk
the fuck right out of here
and you will not see
my black ass ever again.
Try me.
Oh, there are millions
of "IFs" out there
just like you, Happy.
Waiting for the moment
our young friends
stop believing completely...
And we blink out of existence.
When your friend
stops believing, you disappear.
I die...
if she dies.
Well, I guess this is it, then.
I've lived, I've loved.
I've done things no other
imaginary friend has ever done.
Now it's time for me to go.
The great pineapple pasture
in the sky
where IFs frolic forever
under clown-colored clouds.
Goodbye, sweet world.
Goodbye, Hailey,
wherever you are.
Goodbye, partner.
I'm...
not dead.
Why the heck ain't I dead?
Welcome, Nick.
Size doesn't matter here.
My breasts are filled
with the finest bourbons.
Suckle them for eternity.
Hello, Nick.
Motherfucker.
If you're gonna cock-block me
for all eternity,
we're gonna have a problem.
No, no, Nick, I just
come here sometimes.
You know, pop into the party.
Which is absolutely
fucking bestial.
No, but I wanted
to tell you, Nick,
it doesn't have to be this way.
You can turn back.
I don't think
you got the memo, asshole.
I flat-lined.
Bellied up.
Bagged and tagged.
Man, is it hot in here.
I can still bring you back.
What the fuck
would I want that for?
I been dreaming of this moment
my entire life.
What about your little girl?
Let's face facts.
I think there's one thing
we've all learned here.
That she's better off
without me.
Hmm, difficult point to argue.
Oh, then there is
the small matter of revenge.
"Revenge"?
I don't have a vengeful bone
in my body.
Oh, Nick, don't be tedious.
Of course you do.
Everybody loves revenge.
I mean, can you really
shuffle off to the great beyond
knowing that the man
who bested you
is still out there somewhere?
Can you?
You know who I'm talking about.
Tick, tock, time to rock.
I'm going to show you
why they call me...
Smoothie.
Yes.
But there's the finest bourbon.
Why is it so hot in here?
Death drums his fingers
and waits for us all,
even me.
I think he can wait
a little longer.
Don't you?
Well, maybe just
a little bit longer.
Splendid!
Ooh, one small thing.
Yeah?
If I bring you back,
you belong to me for all time.
Okay?
What?
I've woken up worse.
Okay, Hansen.
Your ride's here.
Is it grandma?
No, honey, it's your aunt.
I have an aunt?
Nice jacket.
It's supposed to make me
look more normal.
I'm sure you can relate.
It's not working.
I don't understand.
Well, your mom and dad
listed me as your next of kin.
So, looks like I got
a roommate for a while.
Why would she put me with you?
Maybe she thought you could use
a good female role model.
What happened to your hand?
Story for another day.
Feet off the dash.
Where is everyone?
You live under a mushroom
or something?
Not you.
- I don't understand.
- Oh, sorry.
I guess you missed
the IF mass genocide on Sunday.
That Bob's Big Boy-looking perv
all the kids love
got murdered
on national television.
No big deal.
I'm sure you can DVR it.
Oh, that.
I was there.
Dude.
I'm sorry.
Oh, forget it.
The usual?
On the house, man.
No, thanks.
Hey, you haven't seen
Peep around, have you?
Peep?
Yeah, she's here.
I let her use the back room.
Hey, wait, you probably don't
want to go back there.
Suit yourself, buddy.
Oh, yes, sir!
Yes, sir!
Three bags full!
Bo?
- Ah, crap.
- Oh, uh, hey, Happy.
What's good, man?
♪ The voices sing
♪ The book of love
will open up ♪
I was, uh...
distraught?
♪ Take these broken wings
♪ You've got to learn to fly
♪ Learn to live,
love so free ♪
♪ And when we hear
You'll be all right there
for a while.
Merry lost her father, too,
you know.
I just want you to know
that none of this is your fault.
We all just did
what we had to do.
That's all.
I'm coming for you.
You stay strong, Hailey.
I promise,
no matter what it takes,
I will come for you.
No, Mom.
I'll come for you.
Hey, hey, hey!
Da-da-da-da, yeah, you.
Don't look at that!
Look at this!
I always thought I knew
what my purpose was,
but that's all gone now.
I don't even know
what I am anymore.
What the heck am I?
That's a very good question.
That's a very good question.
You seem to be, like,
a kind of a mash-up
of random images
from a child's brain
that's, uh, obtained
some kind of autonomy.
Isn't that wild?
God?
Let's call me, uh,
an imaginary friend.
Only, my friend, uh,
happens to be, you know,
a whole civilization.
At this point, thankfully,
an ever-dwindling portion
of civilization.
That's a funny name for it,
isn't it?
"Civilization."
Geez, insects
are more civilized.
You, an... an imaginary friend?
That's silly,
everyone believes in you.
They do?
Really?
To tell you the truth,
I got days
when I feel just like you.
Like, "What the hell
am I even doing up here?"
I mean, yes, you're right.
People... people talk about me,
but they don't really believe.
I mean, they pretend to.
But look at them.
Geez.
But, you know,
that's exactly my point.
Every day, I hear these
sanctimonious assholes saying,
"God told me this,"
and "God spoke to me that."
Um, n-no.
No, I did... did not.
I dunno what voice
you're hearing,
but, uh, it's not mine.
Not mine.
But what about prayers?
Prayers?
That's... that's for them.
That's not for me, not for us.
Uh, hey, if I played favorites
based on who, uh,
stroked my ego more,
you know, what kind of...
What kind of jagoff would I be?
No, prayers, mm,
are like those buttons
at the crosswalk.
You press them
to make you feel better,
but you're not gonna
change the traffic
by hitting a button.
If I were you,
here's what I'd do:
I'd focus on doing
what I do best.
Being a friend.
Forget the "imaginary" part.
The... the nice lady
is rotting away
in the stoney lonesome
for manslaughter.
The little girl
is about to turn into
some kind of witch assassin
on the trail
of an evil, secret society.
It's very dangerous, man.
And, you know, Sax, the idiot?
You know, he's a half-zombie
in the service of some kind
of schizophrenic demi-god.
But Nick's dead.
Um, yeah, well,
you might wanna...
You might wanna check on that.
Good talk, good talk.
I gotta ghost, man.
You know,
this ain't my only gig.
Huh, maybe my time here is...
Is coming to an end.
Huh.
Anyway, ball up.
Ball up, little... little horsey.
Drop those tiny blue testicles,
'cause this shit's about
to get, uh, dark.
Hey, uh, this came
for you today.
It's from Europe.
Thank you.
I've been waiting for this.
How?
I am so happy right now.
- Me, too.
- I thought you were...
Dead.
I know, right?
Bullet to the chest
from your daughter,
autopsy, incinerator.
Mere trifles.
And then you wouldn't
have been able to...
- Kill you myself.
- Exactly.
You know, for people like us,
it's never easy
to find a worthy adversary.
A truly meaningful death.
I know exactly what you mean.
Enough with the chitchat.
Ah, I want you to know...
that I have enjoyed our tango.
Goodbye, Smoothie.
See ya.
♪ Tell me how do I feel
♪ Tell me now
how do I feel ♪
So...
What do you want to be
for Halloween this year?
Hmm.
I know!
How about psycho Santa Claus?
No?
All right, honey, you okay?
I wanna know about
the big announcement
that your show
is being cancelled.
This is not an end!
The show will go on!
Bingo!
I really wish things were
the way they used to be.
Yeah, I'm back.
Where's our fucking daughter?
Penis.
♪ Put on a happy,
happy, happy ♪
Sonny!
What do I know?
Except exactly where Hailey is.
Here's daddy destruction.
You can never get back
what was stolen from you,
but you can make the world
more correct.
Later, sucker.
You want me to inject him?
In the buttocks, please.
The world is not correct.
We both know this doesn't end
until one of us is dead.
Absolutely.
But there are
much worse things than dead.
♪ I'll have a blue
♪ Christmas
♪ Without you
♪ I'll be so blue
♪ Just thinking about you
Buy you another?
Your glory hole
is somewhere else, pal.
I don't swallow.
Oh.
I'm sorry, you're clearly not
the Nick Sax
that I've heard of, then.
Blue Scaramu...
I know who you are.
I just don't want
what you're selling.
Wise not to trust anyone.
Oh, they set you up good, Sax.
Cops going cannibal on cops.
Ain't that a sorry state
of internal affairs?
One for my friend.
Double, please.
Tell my new friend
I don't have any friends.
Just pour his into mine.
Oh...
you know what, give me
a little glass of, um...
maraschino cherries.
"New York's Finest."
Christ, look what
they did to you.
You're like a...
lonely pube...
on the rim of a urinal.
Cast off, forgotten.
Clinging for dear life.
You know,
you put those words to music,
you could have yourself
a hit there.
Now, as pertaining
to my prior employment,
they didn't do anything to me
that I hadn't already earned
twenty times over.
And now they're gonna
plant blow?
Good on them.
Okay.
Fedore Pavlov,
"The Dog Whisperer."
Yeah, so, besides
a double-digit body count,
what did he do,
steal your tricycle?
That's one sour cherry.
Well, he's a slippery
motherfucker.
We tried to put him away
for years.
There's your mistake.
Man like this,
one does not put him away.
One puts him in the ground.
[Tchaikovsky's "Dance of
the Sugar Plum Fairy"]
And who better than Nick Sax
to do so?
You played by their rules
long enough.
Now, look.
Look what it's gotten you.
Work for me.
Embrace your manifest destiny
as judge, jury...
And executioner.
And maybe even have a little fun
while you're at it.
Nick.
Nick.
Nick!
Wake up, Nick!
I'm okay, I'm...
I'm just a little...
Real talk.
Hmm?
That's some good shit, Smoothie.
I wouldn't, if I were you.
I need him alive.
Not you.
Let's go.
♪ Ooh-ooh, Sonny
♪ Ooh, Sonny Shine
This way to your seat,
Ms. Hansen.
Ah!
Hey, cool it
with the rough stuff.
Hey!
No!
What kind...
What kind of evil...
Feels great.
A teeny bit tight, is all.
I guess the costume was made
for a little guy.
Mm, don't worry about that.
You've studied the script?
Yes, sir.
Me good, you evil.
Blah, blah, blah.
And then you kick my ass.
Then I kick your ass, correct.
Right, about that part.
We ain't really
ever gone over that.
Improv.
I make my entrance,
you follow my lead.
I defeat you, I save Easter.
Where is the disconnect?
Uh, the other part.
The part where I gotta,
you know.
We've been over this
a bazillion times.
I know, but shouldn't there
be some kind of way
we can fake it?
The blood and guts and all?
You know, like some kind
of Hollywood magic?
No.
You cornfed...
cornhole.
It has to be real.
That's what people want now.
Reality.
But I ain't even skinned
a possum before, Mr. Shine.
You said you would
do anything to succeed.
Right?
A... and then...
the other part, where it says
"the evil dies tonight,"
guess that means
I ain't coming back.
That's the best part.
Yeah, Evil Bunny...
Evil Bunny makes
a death-defying escape
only to fight another day
as Sonny Shine's
very big, very bad,
ultra-arch "villy."
A recurring role!
Uh, give... give me a second!
Okay, get out.
Remember, this is our secret.
Our own J.J. Abrams
super plot twist.
J.J. Abrams.
Sonny.
I'd like you to meet
a very special little girl.
Best seats in the house.
Oh, oh.
Look.
For a special occasion.
Oh, oh, oops!
Maybe I'm getting
a little too excited.
Oh, you thirsty?
Yes.
Yes, thirsty.
Here we go.
Thirsty, thirsty, thirsty?
No, no, no, oh.
Oh, no, you don't.
No, because the alcohol,
it will dilute the drug
running through your system
and we can't have that.
No.
Oops, oh.
Oh, boy.
Big bottle.
Yes.
Look at you.
Every fiber of that
adorable little face
screaming for murder.
Sonny.
This is your new soloist,
Hailey Hansen.
New soloist?
What happened to Tatiana?
She was deported
back to Uzbekistan,
but didn't you hear me?
Hailey Hansen.
Survivor of the terrible mass
kidnappings last Christmas.
I see.
Will you excuse us for a moment?
Isn't she the kid
of you-know-who?
Mm.
You could look at it that way.
Or, she's a celebrity victim.
Put her on a pedestal.
Give her a magical moment.
People love a good
resurrection story.
Does she know the words
to the music?
Oh, every octave.
Yes, yes, yes.
Let's see.
Of all the little
double-x chromosomes
in all the land,
why do you think you deserve
to be onstage with me?
If she's gonna freeze up now,
she's gonna piss ice cubes
on that stage.
It's okay, Hailey.
Now, you tell Sonny Shine
why you're saving
the real fireworks
for the show tonight.
The big event.
Mr. Shine?
I've dreamed of this moment
since I was little.
Honestly, this has been
the worst year
of my entire life.
Christmas was ruined forever.
But you know
who got me through it all?
You.
I made one wish
and it came true.
I'm with you, my hero.
Sonny Shine.
Any kid would kill
to be where I am.
I want you...
to say all of that...
tonight...
on camera...
to the world.
Okay?
Absolutely, Mr. Shine.
Paint my pickle.
Hailey Hansen.
Welcome aboard.
Coming to living rooms
and home theaters
of nearly 100 million
sundrops around the world,
broadcast in
147 different countries,
in 25 languages, including
six dialects of Arabic,
the moment you've been
waiting for all year,
it's Sonny Shine's
Easter Eggtacular!
- Yay!
- Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Are we making Easter
great again?
Yeah!
Sundrops!
♪ Sundrops
I love you all.
I love you, Sonny!
And why wouldn't you?
Why wouldn't you?
You know, I had planned
a big bump and grind number
for the opening
of tonight's show.
Something strange
and darkly sexy.
With my wonderful Wishees,
of course.
But then I thought,
this moment's not about me.
This moment is about you!
Your voice, not mine!
Is there some...
special someone out there...
who will give me their voice?
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Yes!
My, my, my, yes!
Is it you?
No, it's not you.
Up there in the cheapies?
No.
Absolutely not you.
Me, Sonny! Me!
Oh.
You.
You!
Would you like
to give me your voice,
Hailey Hansen?
Yes!
Come on up!
Come on up!
You've probably read about her
on your phones.
Hailey was the little girl
that was kidnapped
last Christmas.
She survived
unspeakable terrors.
Hailey!
And maybe part of her
died a little.
Can you blame her?
Maybe you're starting
to get it, but let me help you.
Inside that Easter basket
is a 9-milimeter handgun.
She smuggled it
into the show tonight.
- No.
- Yes.
No.
But now she's back.
Resurrected.
♪ Limb by limb
and tooth by tooth ♪
♪ Tearing up inside of me
♪ Every day, every hour
♪ Wish that I
♪ Was bulletproof
Hailey!
I gotta find Nick, Amanda.
Nick will know what to do,
he always does!
♪ Wax me
I think you know what
she's gonna do with that gun.
No.
She's gonna use it
for what guns are used for.
Like father, like daughter.
♪ You have turned me
into this ♪
♪ Just wish that
Don't you see, Sax?
This is how I destroy you.
This is how I undo you.
♪ Was bulletproof
No, no, please.
Why not have a child?
What's the worst thing
that could happen?
Winds up like me?
Please.
Oh, the begging
and the pleading.
- No.
- It's like music to my ears.
♪ So pay me money
and take a shot ♪
♪ Lead fill the hole in me
♪ I could burst
a million bubbles ♪
♪ All surrogate
♪ And bulletproof
♪ And bulletproof
I warned you there would be
no Easter fun this year.
No gaiety, no revelry.
No pastel, pagan Bacchanalia.
But you didn't listen!
"Easter Strong," you said.
Well, we'll see!
We'll see!
Sonny, you moron, what the hell?
Nick!
Happy.
I found you.
Just like our first time.
What can I do, Nick?
Sure could use a drink.
No, no, no.
Not that.
Nick, I've been thinking.
You can touch me.
No one else can.
But why?
Uh-
- I think... I think it's because
you believe in me.
- Fascinating.
- Uh-huh.
Now, believe in this.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Bottom's up, buddy.
Not so fast,
you cotton-tailed terrorist!
Over here, rodent!
Your hippity-hoppity reign
of destruction ends tonight.
♪ Mega
Oh, no, no, no.
You're not
going anywhere, daddy.
I filled that syringe
with a dosage
that would paralyze
a silverback gorilla,
and then doubled it.
Should have tripled it.
That was close.
She's outside.
She's gonna meet us outside.
Sonny! Sonny!
Whoo-hoo!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
I... ugh.
- Sonny! Sonny!
- No one gets out of here!
Come on, come on, come on!
Let's get out of here now!
Don't panic, everyone!
I got this!
No, no!
Cut, cut, cut!
Whoo!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Sonny! Sonny! Sonny!
Hailey!
Hailey, don't do it...
Stop!
Hailey...
This is what Smoothie wants.
This is what he's wanted
from the beginning.
I'm not doing this for him, Dad.
I'm doing it for me.
Nick!
♪ When Sonny gets blue
♪ Hey eyes get
♪ Then the rain begins
♪ To fall
♪ Pitter, patter,
pitter, patter ♪
Sonny, Sonny!
♪ Love is gone
so what can matter ♪
♪ No sweet lovin' man
Sundrops.
♪ Comes to call
All my little sundrops.
Oh...
♪ She breathes a sigh
of sadness ♪
♪ Like the wind that stirs
Boop.
You're not...
You're not the fu...
You're not the future.
No.
You're not...
Can I get a selfie?
You're not the future.
I'm the... I'm the...
I'm the fu...
I'm the future.
I...
♪ People used to love
♪ Hear her laugh,
see her smile ♪
♪ That's how
she got her name ♪
This is the NYPD!
This is an active crime scene!
If you remain in this area,
you are in danger.
Evacuate immediately.
Huh.
Move calmly and swiftly
to the nearest exit.
Repeat, you are...
- Dad, Dad, Dad.
- Shh.
Dad, I'm... I'm sorry.
Shh, no, no, no.
Calmly and swiftly
to the nearest exit.
It's not your fault.
I did this.
I'm sorry I said
I wanted things to go back
to the way the used to be.
I didn't mean it, I didn't.
I know.
It's okay.
You never needed
a fake dad anyway.
You're not a fake dad.
You're real...
and I don't want you to go.
Move calmly and swiftly
to the nearest exit.
Drop the weapon!
Drop the weapon!
- Any other active shooter?
- Ma'am, drop the weapon.
Hands where I can see them.
Cover the corners!
Sonny's show
was the highest-rated.
Easter Sunday broadcast ever.
By the time he ate the bullet,
he was doing Super Bowl numbers.
He was right,
the show was a hit.
It's ironic.
Poor guy never lived
to see the overnights.
- I always knew it would work.
- What about Brooks?
Replaceable.
No, I mean,
shouldn't we say something?
Tell someone?
I mean, his family?
Why ruin a great
feel-good story?
We should get something going
with the guy.
The one who killed Santa Claus.
Now we're talking.
He's like a real-life
John McClane.
Exclusive with Fareed Zakaria.
Screw that.
Why not his own show?
Wait, wait, let's don't
get ahead of ourselves.
Didn't he die?
Get him over.
Clear.
Somebody check that.
Nick.
Wake up, Nick.
- Call it.
- Time of death, 9:53 p.m.
All right, that's a wrap.
You wanna grab margaritas
at Chili's?
Nah, "The Voice" is on tonight.
No, you can't just...
This is somebody's father!
Somebody's son!
Somebody's best friend!
Wake him up, Doc!
Use the zappers, come on!
Wait.
Do you feel that?
That breeze?
No, uhuh.
No, no, no, don't start
that shit, Doc.
That "you can feel
the spirit leaving them
as they slough off
the motherfucking mortal coil."
I'm not having that shit.
I will walk
the fuck right out of here
and you will not see
my black ass ever again.
Try me.
Oh, there are millions
of "IFs" out there
just like you, Happy.
Waiting for the moment
our young friends
stop believing completely...
And we blink out of existence.
When your friend
stops believing, you disappear.
I die...
if she dies.
Well, I guess this is it, then.
I've lived, I've loved.
I've done things no other
imaginary friend has ever done.
Now it's time for me to go.
The great pineapple pasture
in the sky
where IFs frolic forever
under clown-colored clouds.
Goodbye, sweet world.
Goodbye, Hailey,
wherever you are.
Goodbye, partner.
I'm...
not dead.
Why the heck ain't I dead?
Welcome, Nick.
Size doesn't matter here.
My breasts are filled
with the finest bourbons.
Suckle them for eternity.
Hello, Nick.
Motherfucker.
If you're gonna cock-block me
for all eternity,
we're gonna have a problem.
No, no, Nick, I just
come here sometimes.
You know, pop into the party.
Which is absolutely
fucking bestial.
No, but I wanted
to tell you, Nick,
it doesn't have to be this way.
You can turn back.
I don't think
you got the memo, asshole.
I flat-lined.
Bellied up.
Bagged and tagged.
Man, is it hot in here.
I can still bring you back.
What the fuck
would I want that for?
I been dreaming of this moment
my entire life.
What about your little girl?
Let's face facts.
I think there's one thing
we've all learned here.
That she's better off
without me.
Hmm, difficult point to argue.
Oh, then there is
the small matter of revenge.
"Revenge"?
I don't have a vengeful bone
in my body.
Oh, Nick, don't be tedious.
Of course you do.
Everybody loves revenge.
I mean, can you really
shuffle off to the great beyond
knowing that the man
who bested you
is still out there somewhere?
Can you?
You know who I'm talking about.
Tick, tock, time to rock.
I'm going to show you
why they call me...
Smoothie.
Yes.
But there's the finest bourbon.
Why is it so hot in here?
Death drums his fingers
and waits for us all,
even me.
I think he can wait
a little longer.
Don't you?
Well, maybe just
a little bit longer.
Splendid!
Ooh, one small thing.
Yeah?
If I bring you back,
you belong to me for all time.
Okay?
What?
I've woken up worse.
Okay, Hansen.
Your ride's here.
Is it grandma?
No, honey, it's your aunt.
I have an aunt?
Nice jacket.
It's supposed to make me
look more normal.
I'm sure you can relate.
It's not working.
I don't understand.
Well, your mom and dad
listed me as your next of kin.
So, looks like I got
a roommate for a while.
Why would she put me with you?
Maybe she thought you could use
a good female role model.
What happened to your hand?
Story for another day.
Feet off the dash.
Where is everyone?
You live under a mushroom
or something?
Not you.
- I don't understand.
- Oh, sorry.
I guess you missed
the IF mass genocide on Sunday.
That Bob's Big Boy-looking perv
all the kids love
got murdered
on national television.
No big deal.
I'm sure you can DVR it.
Oh, that.
I was there.
Dude.
I'm sorry.
Oh, forget it.
The usual?
On the house, man.
No, thanks.
Hey, you haven't seen
Peep around, have you?
Peep?
Yeah, she's here.
I let her use the back room.
Hey, wait, you probably don't
want to go back there.
Suit yourself, buddy.
Oh, yes, sir!
Yes, sir!
Three bags full!
Bo?
- Ah, crap.
- Oh, uh, hey, Happy.
What's good, man?
♪ The voices sing
♪ The book of love
will open up ♪
I was, uh...
distraught?
♪ Take these broken wings
♪ You've got to learn to fly
♪ Learn to live,
love so free ♪
♪ And when we hear
You'll be all right there
for a while.
Merry lost her father, too,
you know.
I just want you to know
that none of this is your fault.
We all just did
what we had to do.
That's all.
I'm coming for you.
You stay strong, Hailey.
I promise,
no matter what it takes,
I will come for you.
No, Mom.
I'll come for you.
Hey, hey, hey!
Da-da-da-da, yeah, you.
Don't look at that!
Look at this!
I always thought I knew
what my purpose was,
but that's all gone now.
I don't even know
what I am anymore.
What the heck am I?
That's a very good question.
That's a very good question.
You seem to be, like,
a kind of a mash-up
of random images
from a child's brain
that's, uh, obtained
some kind of autonomy.
Isn't that wild?
God?
Let's call me, uh,
an imaginary friend.
Only, my friend, uh,
happens to be, you know,
a whole civilization.
At this point, thankfully,
an ever-dwindling portion
of civilization.
That's a funny name for it,
isn't it?
"Civilization."
Geez, insects
are more civilized.
You, an... an imaginary friend?
That's silly,
everyone believes in you.
They do?
Really?
To tell you the truth,
I got days
when I feel just like you.
Like, "What the hell
am I even doing up here?"
I mean, yes, you're right.
People... people talk about me,
but they don't really believe.
I mean, they pretend to.
But look at them.
Geez.
But, you know,
that's exactly my point.
Every day, I hear these
sanctimonious assholes saying,
"God told me this,"
and "God spoke to me that."
Um, n-no.
No, I did... did not.
I dunno what voice
you're hearing,
but, uh, it's not mine.
Not mine.
But what about prayers?
Prayers?
That's... that's for them.
That's not for me, not for us.
Uh, hey, if I played favorites
based on who, uh,
stroked my ego more,
you know, what kind of...
What kind of jagoff would I be?
No, prayers, mm,
are like those buttons
at the crosswalk.
You press them
to make you feel better,
but you're not gonna
change the traffic
by hitting a button.
If I were you,
here's what I'd do:
I'd focus on doing
what I do best.
Being a friend.
Forget the "imaginary" part.
The... the nice lady
is rotting away
in the stoney lonesome
for manslaughter.
The little girl
is about to turn into
some kind of witch assassin
on the trail
of an evil, secret society.
It's very dangerous, man.
And, you know, Sax, the idiot?
You know, he's a half-zombie
in the service of some kind
of schizophrenic demi-god.
But Nick's dead.
Um, yeah, well,
you might wanna...
You might wanna check on that.
Good talk, good talk.
I gotta ghost, man.
You know,
this ain't my only gig.
Huh, maybe my time here is...
Is coming to an end.
Huh.
Anyway, ball up.
Ball up, little... little horsey.
Drop those tiny blue testicles,
'cause this shit's about
to get, uh, dark.
Hey, uh, this came
for you today.
It's from Europe.
Thank you.
I've been waiting for this.
How?
I am so happy right now.
- Me, too.
- I thought you were...
Dead.
I know, right?
Bullet to the chest
from your daughter,
autopsy, incinerator.
Mere trifles.
And then you wouldn't
have been able to...
- Kill you myself.
- Exactly.
You know, for people like us,
it's never easy
to find a worthy adversary.
A truly meaningful death.
I know exactly what you mean.
Enough with the chitchat.
Ah, I want you to know...
that I have enjoyed our tango.
Goodbye, Smoothie.
See ya.
♪ Tell me how do I feel
♪ Tell me now
how do I feel ♪
So...
What do you want to be
for Halloween this year?
Hmm.
I know!
How about psycho Santa Claus?
No?
All right, honey, you okay?