Happy! (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Losing My Religion - full transcript
Previously on "Happy"...
- You're not real.
- I'm Hailey's imaginary friend.
I have never seen a room of young faces
in such dire need of correction.
I need to know who killed my Mikey.
You have an enemy in your house.
Who killed your son.
Mikey is not with them.
[BREATHES HEAVILY] Hey, Amanda.
She's my daughter.
Look at the dumpster fire
that your life has become,
and ask yourself how
I could rely on you.
Get out.
What're you doing? Get off the tracks.
You were the one with her
when she was kidnapped.
If you want me to go, fine.
Music to my ears, bye-bye.
Good-bye, partner.
Happy.
Ah shit, I killed my
kid's imaginary friend.
She's one of my best men.
Blue!
Blue?
Shit's just getting weirder and weirder.
[STAMMERING] My name is Happy.
I'm an imaginary friend.
And... no one believes in me.
ALL: We believe in you.
[SIGHS] Sorry, I just...
I never thought I'd end
up somewhere like this.
No offense.
None of us did, little fellow.
The thing to remember is...
This wasn't your fault.
Right, well, that's nice.
You're all very nice.
But it is my fault.
She believed in me and I failed, I...
Look at me, I'm fading away, I...
My color, my coat.
I used to be as blue as a
blueberry snow cone and now I...
You're still very blue.
Ah, there are millions of IFs
out there just like you, Happy.
Waiting for the moment our young friends
stop believing completely.
And we blink out of existence.
I knew this day would come, I just...
I didn't think it would be so soon.
We have to learn to let
go, whenever they let go.
That's what it means to be an IF.
Now or later, we're
destined for nothingness.
There's so much more
for Hailey and I to do.
There's so many games, I...
Aw. Her first date.
- Hah!
- Peep.
Something you'd like to share?
Why, yes.
It's not monsters under
the bed, it's penises.
Great, big, nasty penises.
Also, fuck Judy Blume.
Two weeks with those books,
now my friend's knocked up
and her water's breaking in Algebra I.
[HIGH-PITCHED SOBBING]
Was it "Freckle Juice"?
[MARSHMALLOW PLOPS]
Hello, friend.
Just one marshmallow?
They're free, you know.
I only deserve one.
And only because it's not
hot chocolate without it.
You know, you showed real
vulnerability in there.
- I'm proud of you.
- Smoke?
After all the cocaine I had
this week, I don't think so.
Well, don't look so glum.
The world is losing
its imagination, Happy.
There were times I felt
we were all that's left.
A dying breed.
But then, I found a new friend.
A... a new friend?
Yep, with enough belief
for a hundred of us.
You're not, like, one of
those guys in the bowties
that rings the doorbell, are you?
[SNORTS] Not at all.
I can't promise you sweeter
pastures than the hereafter.
But I will say, if you need
some warm straw to sleep on,
so to speak,
you're welcome to stay with us
till you get back on your hooves.
Oh, I couldn't intrude.
Nonsense. No trouble at all.
That is, unless you got
somewhere better to go.
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]
God damn it, they say that
if the bullet don't get you,
the fall will.
But in your case, not so much, huh?
Just kinda... scrambled
your eggs real good, right?
Still can't believe that I
didn't hit any vital organs.
All right, maybe there's still something
rattling around in there.
Now listen to me.
Get your hands off that, and listen.
Now, when I shot you, you were
trying to give me a password.
Right?
- Blue.
- So I... yeah.
Now, I didn't want the password.
I couldn't give two shits, but
now circumstances have changed.
- So, I want it, right?
- Blue.
Yeah, so I need you to
dig down deep inside,
and just come on up
with that password, pal.
I know you got it in you.
So just give it to me.
You son of a... I
justified breaking the bones
of a handicap.
Now you're gonna give me that password.
[GAGS]
Jesus Christ!
["JINGLE BELLS" PLAYING]
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho ho ho. Merry Christmas.
Oh, jeez, look at that shit.
Ho ho ho ho ho. Merry Christmas.
Ho ho ho ho ho.
[BABBLES]
Put your leg in the pant hole,
or I'll cut it off and
stuff it in there for you.
Pardon me.
May the church be of service?
Ah, Father, thank God you're here.
I... ah, this poor soul is an immigrant.
Uh, barely speaks English, uh...
[STAMMERS] and he's
looking for sanctuary.
- Blue.
- Yeah, poor little kitten.
He fell out a window.
Kinda cracked his melon, you know, so...
[GROANS] mentally he's [WHISTLES]...
Not all there.
Bless you, my chi...
Yeah, and, uh, I mean,
you know what the state
of affairs is these days
- for illegals.
- Excuse me?
I have my green card.
Yeah, well, look, I
don't care which strings
the Vatican pulled for you.
I'm glad you're here, but
you know, the kid here...
There's some not nice
people looking for him.
And I'm not talking about
immigration, either, so...
I mean, you know, his only hope
is to... to find sanctuary here.
You are all God's children
under this roof, but...
You're goddamned right.
I say that all the time.
And if I had a dime every time
that came out of me, I'd...
Eh, it doesn't... but anyway,
so what you could do for me
is, uh, maybe babysit him,
for a while.
Uh, while I run a... an
Old Testament type errand,
if you know what I mean.
Yeah, I... look, I know how this looks.
It may seem, like, a bit extreme,
a little San Quentin Old Sparky.
"Mama! I'm coming to you." Oh,
that's serious stuff, but...
It's not, he likes it.
It's very, uh, kinda safe and secure,
like a newborn baby, being swaddled.
Because trust me, I
mean, you don't do it,
and this kid before you know
it, he'll be running naked
outside into the street
through your doors, and...
I think you and I can agree
that church doesn't need a scandal
like that on its hands, right?
I suppose it's for his own safety.
Ah, his own safety!
Move your fucking leg.
Blue.
All right there, uh, then,
Mikey, we'll see you later.
Take care, buddy. I'll
be back for you soon.
[WHISPERS] Blue.
All right.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
How's that working out for you?
Prayer?
Well, talking to things
that ain't there, you know.
Does He ever talk back?
Every day.
No matter how dark it gets, He
finds a way to show His light.
♪ ♪
Man, I used to have one of those.
How long will you be?
Long enough to extract
my pound of flesh.
Blue.
[MENACING INSTRUMENTAL
OF "DECK THE HALLS"]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[SINGS ALONG] ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ La-la-la... ♪
♪ La ♪
♪ Hark! The herald angels sing ♪
♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪
♪ Peace on earth, and mercy mild ♪
♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪
[GASPS] There's Gerry.
- Where?
- There. The beard.
He's a wise man.
[LAUGHS]
Isn't he supposed to be Oriental?
He's been rehearsing every day.
All he wants is a little
attention from his father.
- Me too.
- [GRUNTS]
Play nice.
Wouldn't wanna have to blow a big hole
in some innocent soccer mom.
Here he comes.
[OMINOUS MUSIC OVERPOWERS
CHILDREN'S SINGING]
You've been a very, very bad
boy this Christmas season,
you know that?
CHILDREN: ♪ We three kings of Orient are ♪
♪ Bearing gifts We traverse afar ♪
Yeah.
I know all about you
and shit-stain Santa
bagging and tagging kids.
Now, you know that kind
of behavior will land you
right at the top of
the naughty list, right?
- Shh.
- Shh!
♪ ♪
What you obviously don't know...
Because you would've already
tried to leverage it against me...
One of those kids is mine.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
Yeah, I'm gonna let that one land.
Or maybe you're just lying.
Maybe I'm just lying,
but then I'd have to be playing you.
And I think if you look at
my face, I'm not playing.
Nicholas.
I've seen decomposing cats
that had better lives than you.
Shh. They're very good.
Very good, aren't they?
♪ Of Orient are bearing gifts... ♪
Now, you have Hailey.
So you're gonna make a call,
and you're gonna deliver her to me.
- Tonight.
- Am I?
- Shh.
- Shh!
You are. Here's how it's gonna go down.
Midnight tonight, your house,
your lovely missus, and
rat boy up there on stage,
will both be home when I show up.
That's the way I know we
both got family on the line.
And that way I know
it's all gonna go down
nice and clean and simple.
♪ ♪
Like ten cents for a cup of lemonade.
- Is that right?
- That is right.
So what's my ten cents?
How's that?
Well, the girl is the cup of lemonade,
so, what's my ten cents?
[APPLAUSE]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Everything you say in
here is confidential.
The only one listening is God.
Blue.
As the Book of John tells us...
We are not to live in shame
over what we once were,
but to celebrate the grace of God,
that by the death of
Jesus, regenerates us
- and cleanses us from our...
- Peccatorum.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
That's right. Our sins.
- You know Latin?
- [GROANS SOFTLY]
And are you prepared
to confess your sins?
Siciliam sanguis.
Tell me everything, my son.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[UPBEAT PIANO PLAYING "WE
WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS"]
♪ ♪
Best news ever all day.
So it seems that somebody's
father used to be a policeman.
[SLAMS DRAWER]
Not a very good policeman.
Not a very smart one.
But a big, stinky, sweaty pig.
Does that ring a bell for anybody?
No?
Great. This is gonna be fun.
Everybody please put your
hands out on the desk.
Yeah. Hands out, flat.
There we go, hands out.
Ow.
Ooh, Hailey.
Hailey.
Whoever it is should say so.
You'll get us all in trouble.
No one likes a snitch.
[WHISPERS] Don't ever step on my scene.
So if Hailey steps forward right now
she gets to go home.
This is a limited time offer.
Hmm.
Do you understand?
Me. I'm Hailey.
Oh. Look at you.
You must get teased a lot.
You look like Little Orphan
Annie on mood suppressants.
But you're not an orphan, are you?
- No.
- Right.
Takes one to know one.
So all you have to do is
answer a simple question
and you're free to go. Sound good?
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
Excellent.
Hailey,
what is your father's name?
♪ ♪
Nick! My dad's name is Nick.
Leave her alone.
I saw it in your eyes.
Right from the start.
Hailey.
I'm afraid I have some awful news.
Your father is dead.
[SOMBER PIANO PLAYS "SILENT NIGHT"]
That's right.
Nick Sax has gone off to the
big Assholes Anonymous
meeting in the sky.
All your dreams of tickle
fights and shoulder rides...
Poof!
♪ ♪
There's no white knight
coming to save you.
No happily ever after.
This is the real world.
The scrap yard of childish things.
♪ ♪
Mmm.
♪ ♪
Hailey.
[THUMPS]
Hey, now, I know what you're thinking.
Hailey's gone and forgotten about you.
But what did I tell everyone
in the group tonight?
Our lives are connected by
a thousand invisible threads.
And along these sympathetic fibers,
our actions run as causes
and return to us as results.
That means nothing in life is by chance.
Nothing is coincidence.
Fate is real.
Let that thought give you
some measure of comfort
in the coming hours and days.
I don't understand any
of what you just said.
But it did sound nice.
Have faith.
I don't want to speak too soon,
but once you meet my friend,
you may have found your future.
Hailey is the only real
friend I've ever known.
I tried making another one,
but it didn't work out so good.
[DISTANT WHIMPERING]
Di... did you hear that?
Uh, no, I didn't.
But, you know what I do hear?
[CAR LOCK BEEPING]
He's home. He's home.
For the love of God, woman, shut up!
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]
Blue.
♪ ♪
Blue.
Blue.
Ascolta
la mia parola.
Ascolta...
[SOLEMN VIOLIN MUSIC]
Blue.
[ASSUNTA CHANTING IN THE DISTANCE]
♪ ♪
ASSUNTA: Ti amo.
[PANTING]
- Gerry, this is Happy.
- Happy?
♪ The happy horse, horse,
horse so full of fun ♪
You don't need to sing the song.
Oh, I'm sorry. [CLEARS THROAT]
Well, I'm very pleased to meet you.
I've heard so many...
You like to play games, Happy?
Uh, games?
I... I know literally a bajillion games.
What games do you have in mind?
- [LAUGHS MENACINGLY]
- [WHIMPERS AND CRIES]
- Where is he?
- I didn't see. I didn't see.
[MUMBLES]
God conceals from men
the happiness of death.
[WHIMPERS]
What the hell does that mean?
I bet if he were a 12-year-old boy,
you wouldn't have lost track of him.
What a nut job.
Ho ho ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.
Ho ho ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.
Ho ho ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.
I thought roulette had a
spinning wheel with a ball.
This is the Russian kind.
Pick it up, point it at
your head, pull the trigger.
Uh, guns are dumb.
♪ They make people numb. ♪
- ♪ And you don't need a... ♪
- Pick it up!
But why, Raspberry? I
thought we were friends.
But you had no friends, Happy.
I thought we'd established that.
You've lost Hailey, haven't you?
- Pick it up!
- What's left to lose?
Pick it up.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Come on, Happy.
- Do it.
- Pull the trigger.
Do it!
Lame.
Give the gun to Captain Pancake.
No, please. I don't wanna die.
Give pancake the gun.
Ooh, look, Gerry,
his hands are too wittle
to hold a revolver.
[LAUGHS]
♪ ♪
[ESCALATING SCREAM]
[SHRIEKS]
Ugh.
No!
Ah!
♪ ♪
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
- No.
♪ ♪
Mom, back.
Brought your new pills.
It says, "Avoid taking with milk."
Shh, shh, shh.
[WHISPERS] She's sleeping.
[TENSE MUSIC]
I knew your father very well.
He was a top man.
A reliable man.
I used to think there
was some of him in you.
But this girl that stands before me
would be such a bitter
disappointment to him.
Nick Sax...
has a kid.
You knew this, and you kept it from me.
Until a few hours ago,
I had no idea kids were a part
of your ever-expanding portfolio.
If you found toenail
clippings that you even thought
may have come from Sax,
you should've let me know.
From here on out, you'll be
the first person I think of
when it comes to child trafficking.
You're done.
We had a deal.
I deliver Sax,
and I never have to see you again.
On the bright side,
you get to spend
Christmas with your mother.
Enjoy.
After all, she may not have that long.
Shh.
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Ah! You bleached whore.
I'll put a curse on you.
Pshoo.
Some thanks, I thought
this thing was gonna attack.
Hey, Isa.
This strega of yours
is tracking cat hair
all over the house.
My fur has fur. [GUFFAWS]
That sauce smells interesting.
Hey, blondie, why don't you
go see if it needs something?
Hey, bitch, I'm not
gonna be trying the sauce.
Why? You don't want
mommy's menstrual marinara?
Real talk?
It's not bad.
I can't take any more of this!
You running your fat,
Botoxed cannoli holes
like it's any other day.
We're talking about my son.
My angel.
Bambino prezioso. Mio figlio.
Can't you understand?
This is not some show.
This is reality.
Sweetheart, you got a
hundred-year-old witch
menstruating into a red sauce
to bring your bambino
back from the dead.
We ain't even in the
same zip code as reality.
Says the pot to the kettle.
Like those things are real?
Yeah, I've gotta go with
the ladies on this one, Isa.
This is starting to scream "buzzkill."
Maybe we should move on to...
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
He comes.
He comes.
[LIVELY MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Holy shit.
Blue.
♪ ♪
Ah!
[GLASS BREAKS]
Told you this sauce wasn't bad.
My boy.
♪ ♪
[GARAGE DOOR SCREECHING]
You son of a bitch.
Yeah, things got a little,
uh, upside down last time.
A little upside down?
Well, I think we can both agree
that things were said and
done that, uh, we both regret.
Oh, yeah. I got regrets.
Yeah, hey, case in point. My bad.
Damn it, Sax.
There is such a thing as a code.
Ah, no, no, no.
Now don't start with the
honor among scumbags shit.
Oh, yeah.
I'm a scumbag. We're all scumbags.
But honor... honor, Sax. You said it.
Do you even know what it means?
- I think so.
- No.
- No, you don't.
- Okay.
It's something you stand
by. Something you live for.
Other than your own stinking skin.
My own stinking skin?
You mean, the skin that you
were gonna hand over to Blue?
Hand over to Blue. You killed us.
You killed your friends.
Technically they're your friends.
Ah, no, no. You cut off my finger.
I just apologized, Le dick.
There it is. I'm just a joke to you.
Le dick, Le dick, hardy har har.
You know...
I ain't got much, I admit that.
But it's more than you
got, which is nothing.
And... and, no one.
So... wait... Now
you're getting personal.
All you had to do was give me my stuff
and none of this would've happened.
Ah, that's right.
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
That's Nick Sax in a fucking ball sack.
Le Dic, here's the truth.
I got a...
[SOFT MUSIC]
There's a kid out there. A gir...
She needs my help. I can help her.
Do you understand? This is not about me.
I can save her.
♪ ♪
I mean, maybe this is the
moment that I can stand
for something other
than just my own skin.
I don't have to just
bring chaos and destruction
and violence wherever I touch.
♪ ♪
And all I need in order to do that
is just an itsy bitsy smidge of C4.
Oh.
Good. So...
you honestly are pretending
you're some kind of a hero?
Seriously?
'Cause...
You don't save things, Sax.
You kill things.
I can do with the dynamite,
if that's easier on the bottom line.
Come on, work with me here.
Hey... hey, I could pay
you. I could pay you.
Hey, what? What's that?
My own money.
You made me play.
Come on.
Lock up on your way out.
Merry Christmas.
[FUNKY MUSIC]
♪ ♪
What happened to you?
Picked you up at one
of the meetings, huh?
Raspberry?
He said he was my friend.
That's what he does.
Preys on us at our most vulnerable.
Promises a new life, something
to fill the emptiness.
Warm straw to sleep on.
Get off on torture, them
two... him and the boy.
When they're done, they pin you up here
until they settle on killing you,
or your friend stops needing you.
And... and you just blink away.
[GRUNTS] No, it's no use.
I'm a goner.
[SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
Like sand through an hourglass.
Listen, kid, if you make it out of here,
tell Jamie Sue, Goose the
Toad died thinking of her.
- Okay.
- Now, kiss me.
♪ ♪
I see lily pads.
[GROWLING]
Ah!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
- [BARKING]
- [LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY]
- [GROANS]
- Yo!
[LAUGHS MENACINGLY]
Ow, ow, ow! [SHRIEKS]
Ow! [WHIMPERS]
[LAUGHTER]
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I'm sorry about your dad.
You were right. Nobody's
coming to rescue us.
Can't count on anyone but us.
♪ ♪
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
I've got a plan.
It leads outside. And it's not locked.
We split up.
Once we're outside, there's
no way they can catch us all.
What a great idea.
Then we can all end up like your dad.
♪ ♪
I know you're scared. I am too.
But if we stay here,
nothing good happens.
The door is locked.
Well, I guess that settles it.
♪ ♪
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
Coming through.
♪ ♪
Follow me.
Come on, let's go. Quick.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- Shh. Quiet.
- What?
What is this?
Hailey. What do we do?
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Who told you you could leave your seats?
Ugh, first it was Grandma
duty, and now this.
Listen, I'm not allowed to kill you.
You're gifts, okay?
You've been promised.
But that doesn't mean I can't hurt you.
It'll be like going to the dentist.
Only so much worse.
[ALARM BLARING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Run!
Go!
Split up.
♪ ♪
[HONKING]
[FESTIVE TRUMPET MUSIC EMITS FROM CAR]
♪ ♪
[CONTINUES HONKING]
Did I wake you?
Nicholas.
I see your better half is in
residence, like we discussed.
Where's your kid?
Oh, he's here.
Yeah, he is, isn't he?
You wouldn't hesitate for
a second to put your kid
in the line of fire to get
what you want, would you?
Mm.
Oh, Sax the high and mighty.
Yeah.
Well, it doesn't quite suit you,
so why don't we get down to business?
Where's Hailey?
Where's Mikey?
In the trunk.
Gentleman, open the trunk.
Aw! No, no, no.
Now, Blue, I'm shocked. Stop it.
All right, so I'm not so shocked.
You know, I kinda thought
that we would have company,
so I bought Mikey a
whole new set of duds.
Just for the occasion.
Including a bomb vest.
Anyone wanna guess what this is then?
Anybody? It's my own design.
You didn't know I was
this handy, did you?
No
I let go of my finger, and well,
there goes the neighborhood.
Including your precious password,
and if you gave two
shits, your wife and kid.
Now...
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
somebody's gonna bring my daughter to me
right the fuck now.
My hand is getting awful crampy.
♪ ♪
Mikey is not in the trunk, Nick.
Well, I'm not sure what could
possibly make you say that.
♪ ♪
Aw, fuck.
I warned you.
♪ ♪
Ah, come on.
[THUMPING FROM CAR]
[GROANS]
Okay.
You, you, and you... kill him.
I'm gonna go welcome my nephew back.
No, no, no... not in front of
the Homeowner's Association.
In the garage.
♪ ♪
I mean, that could have
gonna a little better, right?
- [TASER BUZZES]
- [SHRIEKS]
[MOANING]
Ah!
There, there, Happy.
This is only gonna hurt a teensy bit.
[SHRIEKS]
Wow.
That taser will sure
clear those sinuses out.
You had a pretty decent run.
More like a hobble.
Shut up.
Now, look, I know you
guys got a job to do.
No, no, no, no. You
take a moment, buddy.
I mean, you only die once.
Are you fucking kidding me?
This is Nick Sax.
Well, thank you.
Just...
Sometimes life just comes at you.
Like a guy with a crowbar.
Ah!
Or a truck with its high beams on.
You turn your head, the
light's in your face,
and you say to yourself,
"How the hell did I miss that?"
Shut up.
Where are the tarps?
You're gonna spend all day
cleaning up your boss' garage?
Repainting it?
Grab some tarps, for crying out loud.
Where was I?
It's just that I've been
taking stock of things.
A lot, lately.
It's moments like these when...
you finally get it.
Right when you're about to get it.
You got it.
Irony.
That's what they call
it... The irony of life.
It's just...
People try to tell you
about it, but do you listen?
No.
And then it's too late.
Bam! Like an axe.
Right between the eyes.
[STIRRING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
I've broken every oath,
every promise, every code.
I've failed...
♪ ♪
People I've never even met.
♪ ♪
I mean, hell, the only thing
that still even believes in me
is my kid's imaginary friend.
[CHUCKLES]
All I can tell you is I'm kneeling here
needing to take a piss
and all I can think is,
I would love to see that
little blue hemorrhoid
yapping and flapping
right in front of me.
Nick? Nick! I'm here.
- Nick!
- Ooh, how sweet.
He's talking to things that ain't there.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GROANS]
Argh! [GRUNTS]
♪ ♪
[ALL BARK AND WHIMPER]
Fate is real.
♪ ♪
Now you.
Daddy!
[HUMMING]
[GASPS] Jeez.
Mom, what're you doing up?
You all right? Okay.
Let's get you back to bed.
Your father... I need to say
this or I won't get it out.
You're taking your meds, Ma?
One day, some men showed up,
said they wanted to see the baby,
to... to see you.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
They stood over the crib.
♪ ♪
I asked if they had babies.
And one of them put his hand on you.
Right on your little bald head.
♪ ♪
"No,
I haven't been blessed."
And then he said if
Daddy didn't play along,
I would know what it was like.
♪ ♪
Not to be blessed.
♪ ♪
When your Dad found out, he was furious.
He...
[STAMMERING] He wanted to take us away
to somewhere they wouldn't find us.
We argued in the driveway.
And then he drove off to
turn in his badge and his gun.
That's the last time I saw him alive.
♪ ♪
- Mom.
- Mm.
Oh, God, I'm thirsty.
Meredith... [SIGHS]
it's time to stop protecting me.
Ma, I've made some bad calls in my time,
but choosing to protect
you wasn't one of them.
Mm.
Maybe so,
but now it's time for me to protect you.
Okay?
Okay.
Those men that came to
threaten you in your crib...
One was that man tonight.
Blue?
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
The man tonight?
♪ ♪
Ma?
Oh, my God.
- [GLASS SMASHING]
- Mom?
Mom.
Ma. Mom.
Come on, Ma.
All right, boys.
Off with the safeties.
Shut up.
Hey, Sax, Sax, uh, you
mind if I... you know.
Commemorate the moment?
Yeah, yeah, I mean,
you're a living legend.
Well, not for long.
But, uh... come on,
you know what I mean.
Yeah, go ahead. Knock yourself out.
Okay, great.
Give me the gun. Give me the gun.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
All right. Here we go.
♪ ♪
- Three, two...
- Daddy!
- [SCREAMS]
- Gerry!
[SHRIEKS]
- Happy.
- Nick.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[CHAINSAW BUZZING]
[SCREAMS]
♪ ♪
Oh, Hap, what happened to you?
[SLOWLY] I'm cold, Nick.
What'd you do to him, you monster?
Now, you listen to me,
you little blue jackass,
the Sax family crest is two
lions holding a banner reading,
"Death before intimacy."
What I'm about to say is very difficult
and I'm only gonna say it once.
[SOFT MUSIC]
I believe in you.
Are you saying what
I think you're saying?
_
What I'm saying is
if you're alive, that
means Hailey's alive.
So you get your imaginary shit together,
'cause you and me, we've
got a job to finish.
[RICHARD HELL'S "BLANK GENERATION" PLAYS]
♪ ♪
- You're not real.
- I'm Hailey's imaginary friend.
I have never seen a room of young faces
in such dire need of correction.
I need to know who killed my Mikey.
You have an enemy in your house.
Who killed your son.
Mikey is not with them.
[BREATHES HEAVILY] Hey, Amanda.
She's my daughter.
Look at the dumpster fire
that your life has become,
and ask yourself how
I could rely on you.
Get out.
What're you doing? Get off the tracks.
You were the one with her
when she was kidnapped.
If you want me to go, fine.
Music to my ears, bye-bye.
Good-bye, partner.
Happy.
Ah shit, I killed my
kid's imaginary friend.
She's one of my best men.
Blue!
Blue?
Shit's just getting weirder and weirder.
[STAMMERING] My name is Happy.
I'm an imaginary friend.
And... no one believes in me.
ALL: We believe in you.
[SIGHS] Sorry, I just...
I never thought I'd end
up somewhere like this.
No offense.
None of us did, little fellow.
The thing to remember is...
This wasn't your fault.
Right, well, that's nice.
You're all very nice.
But it is my fault.
She believed in me and I failed, I...
Look at me, I'm fading away, I...
My color, my coat.
I used to be as blue as a
blueberry snow cone and now I...
You're still very blue.
Ah, there are millions of IFs
out there just like you, Happy.
Waiting for the moment our young friends
stop believing completely.
And we blink out of existence.
I knew this day would come, I just...
I didn't think it would be so soon.
We have to learn to let
go, whenever they let go.
That's what it means to be an IF.
Now or later, we're
destined for nothingness.
There's so much more
for Hailey and I to do.
There's so many games, I...
Aw. Her first date.
- Hah!
- Peep.
Something you'd like to share?
Why, yes.
It's not monsters under
the bed, it's penises.
Great, big, nasty penises.
Also, fuck Judy Blume.
Two weeks with those books,
now my friend's knocked up
and her water's breaking in Algebra I.
[HIGH-PITCHED SOBBING]
Was it "Freckle Juice"?
[MARSHMALLOW PLOPS]
Hello, friend.
Just one marshmallow?
They're free, you know.
I only deserve one.
And only because it's not
hot chocolate without it.
You know, you showed real
vulnerability in there.
- I'm proud of you.
- Smoke?
After all the cocaine I had
this week, I don't think so.
Well, don't look so glum.
The world is losing
its imagination, Happy.
There were times I felt
we were all that's left.
A dying breed.
But then, I found a new friend.
A... a new friend?
Yep, with enough belief
for a hundred of us.
You're not, like, one of
those guys in the bowties
that rings the doorbell, are you?
[SNORTS] Not at all.
I can't promise you sweeter
pastures than the hereafter.
But I will say, if you need
some warm straw to sleep on,
so to speak,
you're welcome to stay with us
till you get back on your hooves.
Oh, I couldn't intrude.
Nonsense. No trouble at all.
That is, unless you got
somewhere better to go.
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]
God damn it, they say that
if the bullet don't get you,
the fall will.
But in your case, not so much, huh?
Just kinda... scrambled
your eggs real good, right?
Still can't believe that I
didn't hit any vital organs.
All right, maybe there's still something
rattling around in there.
Now listen to me.
Get your hands off that, and listen.
Now, when I shot you, you were
trying to give me a password.
Right?
- Blue.
- So I... yeah.
Now, I didn't want the password.
I couldn't give two shits, but
now circumstances have changed.
- So, I want it, right?
- Blue.
Yeah, so I need you to
dig down deep inside,
and just come on up
with that password, pal.
I know you got it in you.
So just give it to me.
You son of a... I
justified breaking the bones
of a handicap.
Now you're gonna give me that password.
[GAGS]
Jesus Christ!
["JINGLE BELLS" PLAYING]
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho ho ho. Merry Christmas.
Oh, jeez, look at that shit.
Ho ho ho ho ho. Merry Christmas.
Ho ho ho ho ho.
[BABBLES]
Put your leg in the pant hole,
or I'll cut it off and
stuff it in there for you.
Pardon me.
May the church be of service?
Ah, Father, thank God you're here.
I... ah, this poor soul is an immigrant.
Uh, barely speaks English, uh...
[STAMMERS] and he's
looking for sanctuary.
- Blue.
- Yeah, poor little kitten.
He fell out a window.
Kinda cracked his melon, you know, so...
[GROANS] mentally he's [WHISTLES]...
Not all there.
Bless you, my chi...
Yeah, and, uh, I mean,
you know what the state
of affairs is these days
- for illegals.
- Excuse me?
I have my green card.
Yeah, well, look, I
don't care which strings
the Vatican pulled for you.
I'm glad you're here, but
you know, the kid here...
There's some not nice
people looking for him.
And I'm not talking about
immigration, either, so...
I mean, you know, his only hope
is to... to find sanctuary here.
You are all God's children
under this roof, but...
You're goddamned right.
I say that all the time.
And if I had a dime every time
that came out of me, I'd...
Eh, it doesn't... but anyway,
so what you could do for me
is, uh, maybe babysit him,
for a while.
Uh, while I run a... an
Old Testament type errand,
if you know what I mean.
Yeah, I... look, I know how this looks.
It may seem, like, a bit extreme,
a little San Quentin Old Sparky.
"Mama! I'm coming to you." Oh,
that's serious stuff, but...
It's not, he likes it.
It's very, uh, kinda safe and secure,
like a newborn baby, being swaddled.
Because trust me, I
mean, you don't do it,
and this kid before you know
it, he'll be running naked
outside into the street
through your doors, and...
I think you and I can agree
that church doesn't need a scandal
like that on its hands, right?
I suppose it's for his own safety.
Ah, his own safety!
Move your fucking leg.
Blue.
All right there, uh, then,
Mikey, we'll see you later.
Take care, buddy. I'll
be back for you soon.
[WHISPERS] Blue.
All right.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
How's that working out for you?
Prayer?
Well, talking to things
that ain't there, you know.
Does He ever talk back?
Every day.
No matter how dark it gets, He
finds a way to show His light.
♪ ♪
Man, I used to have one of those.
How long will you be?
Long enough to extract
my pound of flesh.
Blue.
[MENACING INSTRUMENTAL
OF "DECK THE HALLS"]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[SINGS ALONG] ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ La-la-la... ♪
♪ La ♪
♪ Hark! The herald angels sing ♪
♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪
♪ Peace on earth, and mercy mild ♪
♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪
[GASPS] There's Gerry.
- Where?
- There. The beard.
He's a wise man.
[LAUGHS]
Isn't he supposed to be Oriental?
He's been rehearsing every day.
All he wants is a little
attention from his father.
- Me too.
- [GRUNTS]
Play nice.
Wouldn't wanna have to blow a big hole
in some innocent soccer mom.
Here he comes.
[OMINOUS MUSIC OVERPOWERS
CHILDREN'S SINGING]
You've been a very, very bad
boy this Christmas season,
you know that?
CHILDREN: ♪ We three kings of Orient are ♪
♪ Bearing gifts We traverse afar ♪
Yeah.
I know all about you
and shit-stain Santa
bagging and tagging kids.
Now, you know that kind
of behavior will land you
right at the top of
the naughty list, right?
- Shh.
- Shh!
♪ ♪
What you obviously don't know...
Because you would've already
tried to leverage it against me...
One of those kids is mine.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
Yeah, I'm gonna let that one land.
Or maybe you're just lying.
Maybe I'm just lying,
but then I'd have to be playing you.
And I think if you look at
my face, I'm not playing.
Nicholas.
I've seen decomposing cats
that had better lives than you.
Shh. They're very good.
Very good, aren't they?
♪ Of Orient are bearing gifts... ♪
Now, you have Hailey.
So you're gonna make a call,
and you're gonna deliver her to me.
- Tonight.
- Am I?
- Shh.
- Shh!
You are. Here's how it's gonna go down.
Midnight tonight, your house,
your lovely missus, and
rat boy up there on stage,
will both be home when I show up.
That's the way I know we
both got family on the line.
And that way I know
it's all gonna go down
nice and clean and simple.
♪ ♪
Like ten cents for a cup of lemonade.
- Is that right?
- That is right.
So what's my ten cents?
How's that?
Well, the girl is the cup of lemonade,
so, what's my ten cents?
[APPLAUSE]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Everything you say in
here is confidential.
The only one listening is God.
Blue.
As the Book of John tells us...
We are not to live in shame
over what we once were,
but to celebrate the grace of God,
that by the death of
Jesus, regenerates us
- and cleanses us from our...
- Peccatorum.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
That's right. Our sins.
- You know Latin?
- [GROANS SOFTLY]
And are you prepared
to confess your sins?
Siciliam sanguis.
Tell me everything, my son.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[UPBEAT PIANO PLAYING "WE
WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS"]
♪ ♪
Best news ever all day.
So it seems that somebody's
father used to be a policeman.
[SLAMS DRAWER]
Not a very good policeman.
Not a very smart one.
But a big, stinky, sweaty pig.
Does that ring a bell for anybody?
No?
Great. This is gonna be fun.
Everybody please put your
hands out on the desk.
Yeah. Hands out, flat.
There we go, hands out.
Ow.
Ooh, Hailey.
Hailey.
Whoever it is should say so.
You'll get us all in trouble.
No one likes a snitch.
[WHISPERS] Don't ever step on my scene.
So if Hailey steps forward right now
she gets to go home.
This is a limited time offer.
Hmm.
Do you understand?
Me. I'm Hailey.
Oh. Look at you.
You must get teased a lot.
You look like Little Orphan
Annie on mood suppressants.
But you're not an orphan, are you?
- No.
- Right.
Takes one to know one.
So all you have to do is
answer a simple question
and you're free to go. Sound good?
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
Excellent.
Hailey,
what is your father's name?
♪ ♪
Nick! My dad's name is Nick.
Leave her alone.
I saw it in your eyes.
Right from the start.
Hailey.
I'm afraid I have some awful news.
Your father is dead.
[SOMBER PIANO PLAYS "SILENT NIGHT"]
That's right.
Nick Sax has gone off to the
big Assholes Anonymous
meeting in the sky.
All your dreams of tickle
fights and shoulder rides...
Poof!
♪ ♪
There's no white knight
coming to save you.
No happily ever after.
This is the real world.
The scrap yard of childish things.
♪ ♪
Mmm.
♪ ♪
Hailey.
[THUMPS]
Hey, now, I know what you're thinking.
Hailey's gone and forgotten about you.
But what did I tell everyone
in the group tonight?
Our lives are connected by
a thousand invisible threads.
And along these sympathetic fibers,
our actions run as causes
and return to us as results.
That means nothing in life is by chance.
Nothing is coincidence.
Fate is real.
Let that thought give you
some measure of comfort
in the coming hours and days.
I don't understand any
of what you just said.
But it did sound nice.
Have faith.
I don't want to speak too soon,
but once you meet my friend,
you may have found your future.
Hailey is the only real
friend I've ever known.
I tried making another one,
but it didn't work out so good.
[DISTANT WHIMPERING]
Di... did you hear that?
Uh, no, I didn't.
But, you know what I do hear?
[CAR LOCK BEEPING]
He's home. He's home.
For the love of God, woman, shut up!
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC]
Blue.
♪ ♪
Blue.
Blue.
Ascolta
la mia parola.
Ascolta...
[SOLEMN VIOLIN MUSIC]
Blue.
[ASSUNTA CHANTING IN THE DISTANCE]
♪ ♪
ASSUNTA: Ti amo.
[PANTING]
- Gerry, this is Happy.
- Happy?
♪ The happy horse, horse,
horse so full of fun ♪
You don't need to sing the song.
Oh, I'm sorry. [CLEARS THROAT]
Well, I'm very pleased to meet you.
I've heard so many...
You like to play games, Happy?
Uh, games?
I... I know literally a bajillion games.
What games do you have in mind?
- [LAUGHS MENACINGLY]
- [WHIMPERS AND CRIES]
- Where is he?
- I didn't see. I didn't see.
[MUMBLES]
God conceals from men
the happiness of death.
[WHIMPERS]
What the hell does that mean?
I bet if he were a 12-year-old boy,
you wouldn't have lost track of him.
What a nut job.
Ho ho ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.
Ho ho ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.
Ho ho ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.
I thought roulette had a
spinning wheel with a ball.
This is the Russian kind.
Pick it up, point it at
your head, pull the trigger.
Uh, guns are dumb.
♪ They make people numb. ♪
- ♪ And you don't need a... ♪
- Pick it up!
But why, Raspberry? I
thought we were friends.
But you had no friends, Happy.
I thought we'd established that.
You've lost Hailey, haven't you?
- Pick it up!
- What's left to lose?
Pick it up.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Come on, Happy.
- Do it.
- Pull the trigger.
Do it!
Lame.
Give the gun to Captain Pancake.
No, please. I don't wanna die.
Give pancake the gun.
Ooh, look, Gerry,
his hands are too wittle
to hold a revolver.
[LAUGHS]
♪ ♪
[ESCALATING SCREAM]
[SHRIEKS]
Ugh.
No!
Ah!
♪ ♪
- [TIRES SQUEALING]
- No.
♪ ♪
Mom, back.
Brought your new pills.
It says, "Avoid taking with milk."
Shh, shh, shh.
[WHISPERS] She's sleeping.
[TENSE MUSIC]
I knew your father very well.
He was a top man.
A reliable man.
I used to think there
was some of him in you.
But this girl that stands before me
would be such a bitter
disappointment to him.
Nick Sax...
has a kid.
You knew this, and you kept it from me.
Until a few hours ago,
I had no idea kids were a part
of your ever-expanding portfolio.
If you found toenail
clippings that you even thought
may have come from Sax,
you should've let me know.
From here on out, you'll be
the first person I think of
when it comes to child trafficking.
You're done.
We had a deal.
I deliver Sax,
and I never have to see you again.
On the bright side,
you get to spend
Christmas with your mother.
Enjoy.
After all, she may not have that long.
Shh.
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Ah! You bleached whore.
I'll put a curse on you.
Pshoo.
Some thanks, I thought
this thing was gonna attack.
Hey, Isa.
This strega of yours
is tracking cat hair
all over the house.
My fur has fur. [GUFFAWS]
That sauce smells interesting.
Hey, blondie, why don't you
go see if it needs something?
Hey, bitch, I'm not
gonna be trying the sauce.
Why? You don't want
mommy's menstrual marinara?
Real talk?
It's not bad.
I can't take any more of this!
You running your fat,
Botoxed cannoli holes
like it's any other day.
We're talking about my son.
My angel.
Bambino prezioso. Mio figlio.
Can't you understand?
This is not some show.
This is reality.
Sweetheart, you got a
hundred-year-old witch
menstruating into a red sauce
to bring your bambino
back from the dead.
We ain't even in the
same zip code as reality.
Says the pot to the kettle.
Like those things are real?
Yeah, I've gotta go with
the ladies on this one, Isa.
This is starting to scream "buzzkill."
Maybe we should move on to...
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
He comes.
He comes.
[LIVELY MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Holy shit.
Blue.
♪ ♪
Ah!
[GLASS BREAKS]
Told you this sauce wasn't bad.
My boy.
♪ ♪
[GARAGE DOOR SCREECHING]
You son of a bitch.
Yeah, things got a little,
uh, upside down last time.
A little upside down?
Well, I think we can both agree
that things were said and
done that, uh, we both regret.
Oh, yeah. I got regrets.
Yeah, hey, case in point. My bad.
Damn it, Sax.
There is such a thing as a code.
Ah, no, no, no.
Now don't start with the
honor among scumbags shit.
Oh, yeah.
I'm a scumbag. We're all scumbags.
But honor... honor, Sax. You said it.
Do you even know what it means?
- I think so.
- No.
- No, you don't.
- Okay.
It's something you stand
by. Something you live for.
Other than your own stinking skin.
My own stinking skin?
You mean, the skin that you
were gonna hand over to Blue?
Hand over to Blue. You killed us.
You killed your friends.
Technically they're your friends.
Ah, no, no. You cut off my finger.
I just apologized, Le dick.
There it is. I'm just a joke to you.
Le dick, Le dick, hardy har har.
You know...
I ain't got much, I admit that.
But it's more than you
got, which is nothing.
And... and, no one.
So... wait... Now
you're getting personal.
All you had to do was give me my stuff
and none of this would've happened.
Ah, that's right.
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
That's Nick Sax in a fucking ball sack.
Le Dic, here's the truth.
I got a...
[SOFT MUSIC]
There's a kid out there. A gir...
She needs my help. I can help her.
Do you understand? This is not about me.
I can save her.
♪ ♪
I mean, maybe this is the
moment that I can stand
for something other
than just my own skin.
I don't have to just
bring chaos and destruction
and violence wherever I touch.
♪ ♪
And all I need in order to do that
is just an itsy bitsy smidge of C4.
Oh.
Good. So...
you honestly are pretending
you're some kind of a hero?
Seriously?
'Cause...
You don't save things, Sax.
You kill things.
I can do with the dynamite,
if that's easier on the bottom line.
Come on, work with me here.
Hey... hey, I could pay
you. I could pay you.
Hey, what? What's that?
My own money.
You made me play.
Come on.
Lock up on your way out.
Merry Christmas.
[FUNKY MUSIC]
♪ ♪
What happened to you?
Picked you up at one
of the meetings, huh?
Raspberry?
He said he was my friend.
That's what he does.
Preys on us at our most vulnerable.
Promises a new life, something
to fill the emptiness.
Warm straw to sleep on.
Get off on torture, them
two... him and the boy.
When they're done, they pin you up here
until they settle on killing you,
or your friend stops needing you.
And... and you just blink away.
[GRUNTS] No, it's no use.
I'm a goner.
[SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
Like sand through an hourglass.
Listen, kid, if you make it out of here,
tell Jamie Sue, Goose the
Toad died thinking of her.
- Okay.
- Now, kiss me.
♪ ♪
I see lily pads.
[GROWLING]
Ah!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
- [BARKING]
- [LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY]
- [GROANS]
- Yo!
[LAUGHS MENACINGLY]
Ow, ow, ow! [SHRIEKS]
Ow! [WHIMPERS]
[LAUGHTER]
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I'm sorry about your dad.
You were right. Nobody's
coming to rescue us.
Can't count on anyone but us.
♪ ♪
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
I've got a plan.
It leads outside. And it's not locked.
We split up.
Once we're outside, there's
no way they can catch us all.
What a great idea.
Then we can all end up like your dad.
♪ ♪
I know you're scared. I am too.
But if we stay here,
nothing good happens.
The door is locked.
Well, I guess that settles it.
♪ ♪
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
Coming through.
♪ ♪
Follow me.
Come on, let's go. Quick.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- Shh. Quiet.
- What?
What is this?
Hailey. What do we do?
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Who told you you could leave your seats?
Ugh, first it was Grandma
duty, and now this.
Listen, I'm not allowed to kill you.
You're gifts, okay?
You've been promised.
But that doesn't mean I can't hurt you.
It'll be like going to the dentist.
Only so much worse.
[ALARM BLARING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Run!
Go!
Split up.
♪ ♪
[HONKING]
[FESTIVE TRUMPET MUSIC EMITS FROM CAR]
♪ ♪
[CONTINUES HONKING]
Did I wake you?
Nicholas.
I see your better half is in
residence, like we discussed.
Where's your kid?
Oh, he's here.
Yeah, he is, isn't he?
You wouldn't hesitate for
a second to put your kid
in the line of fire to get
what you want, would you?
Mm.
Oh, Sax the high and mighty.
Yeah.
Well, it doesn't quite suit you,
so why don't we get down to business?
Where's Hailey?
Where's Mikey?
In the trunk.
Gentleman, open the trunk.
Aw! No, no, no.
Now, Blue, I'm shocked. Stop it.
All right, so I'm not so shocked.
You know, I kinda thought
that we would have company,
so I bought Mikey a
whole new set of duds.
Just for the occasion.
Including a bomb vest.
Anyone wanna guess what this is then?
Anybody? It's my own design.
You didn't know I was
this handy, did you?
No
I let go of my finger, and well,
there goes the neighborhood.
Including your precious password,
and if you gave two
shits, your wife and kid.
Now...
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
somebody's gonna bring my daughter to me
right the fuck now.
My hand is getting awful crampy.
♪ ♪
Mikey is not in the trunk, Nick.
Well, I'm not sure what could
possibly make you say that.
♪ ♪
Aw, fuck.
I warned you.
♪ ♪
Ah, come on.
[THUMPING FROM CAR]
[GROANS]
Okay.
You, you, and you... kill him.
I'm gonna go welcome my nephew back.
No, no, no... not in front of
the Homeowner's Association.
In the garage.
♪ ♪
I mean, that could have
gonna a little better, right?
- [TASER BUZZES]
- [SHRIEKS]
[MOANING]
Ah!
There, there, Happy.
This is only gonna hurt a teensy bit.
[SHRIEKS]
Wow.
That taser will sure
clear those sinuses out.
You had a pretty decent run.
More like a hobble.
Shut up.
Now, look, I know you
guys got a job to do.
No, no, no, no. You
take a moment, buddy.
I mean, you only die once.
Are you fucking kidding me?
This is Nick Sax.
Well, thank you.
Just...
Sometimes life just comes at you.
Like a guy with a crowbar.
Ah!
Or a truck with its high beams on.
You turn your head, the
light's in your face,
and you say to yourself,
"How the hell did I miss that?"
Shut up.
Where are the tarps?
You're gonna spend all day
cleaning up your boss' garage?
Repainting it?
Grab some tarps, for crying out loud.
Where was I?
It's just that I've been
taking stock of things.
A lot, lately.
It's moments like these when...
you finally get it.
Right when you're about to get it.
You got it.
Irony.
That's what they call
it... The irony of life.
It's just...
People try to tell you
about it, but do you listen?
No.
And then it's too late.
Bam! Like an axe.
Right between the eyes.
[STIRRING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
I've broken every oath,
every promise, every code.
I've failed...
♪ ♪
People I've never even met.
♪ ♪
I mean, hell, the only thing
that still even believes in me
is my kid's imaginary friend.
[CHUCKLES]
All I can tell you is I'm kneeling here
needing to take a piss
and all I can think is,
I would love to see that
little blue hemorrhoid
yapping and flapping
right in front of me.
Nick? Nick! I'm here.
- Nick!
- Ooh, how sweet.
He's talking to things that ain't there.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GROANS]
Argh! [GRUNTS]
♪ ♪
[ALL BARK AND WHIMPER]
Fate is real.
♪ ♪
Now you.
Daddy!
[HUMMING]
[GASPS] Jeez.
Mom, what're you doing up?
You all right? Okay.
Let's get you back to bed.
Your father... I need to say
this or I won't get it out.
You're taking your meds, Ma?
One day, some men showed up,
said they wanted to see the baby,
to... to see you.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
They stood over the crib.
♪ ♪
I asked if they had babies.
And one of them put his hand on you.
Right on your little bald head.
♪ ♪
"No,
I haven't been blessed."
And then he said if
Daddy didn't play along,
I would know what it was like.
♪ ♪
Not to be blessed.
♪ ♪
When your Dad found out, he was furious.
He...
[STAMMERING] He wanted to take us away
to somewhere they wouldn't find us.
We argued in the driveway.
And then he drove off to
turn in his badge and his gun.
That's the last time I saw him alive.
♪ ♪
- Mom.
- Mm.
Oh, God, I'm thirsty.
Meredith... [SIGHS]
it's time to stop protecting me.
Ma, I've made some bad calls in my time,
but choosing to protect
you wasn't one of them.
Mm.
Maybe so,
but now it's time for me to protect you.
Okay?
Okay.
Those men that came to
threaten you in your crib...
One was that man tonight.
Blue?
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
The man tonight?
♪ ♪
Ma?
Oh, my God.
- [GLASS SMASHING]
- Mom?
Mom.
Ma. Mom.
Come on, Ma.
All right, boys.
Off with the safeties.
Shut up.
Hey, Sax, Sax, uh, you
mind if I... you know.
Commemorate the moment?
Yeah, yeah, I mean,
you're a living legend.
Well, not for long.
But, uh... come on,
you know what I mean.
Yeah, go ahead. Knock yourself out.
Okay, great.
Give me the gun. Give me the gun.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
All right. Here we go.
♪ ♪
- Three, two...
- Daddy!
- [SCREAMS]
- Gerry!
[SHRIEKS]
- Happy.
- Nick.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[CHAINSAW BUZZING]
[SCREAMS]
♪ ♪
Oh, Hap, what happened to you?
[SLOWLY] I'm cold, Nick.
What'd you do to him, you monster?
Now, you listen to me,
you little blue jackass,
the Sax family crest is two
lions holding a banner reading,
"Death before intimacy."
What I'm about to say is very difficult
and I'm only gonna say it once.
[SOFT MUSIC]
I believe in you.
Are you saying what
I think you're saying?
_
What I'm saying is
if you're alive, that
means Hailey's alive.
So you get your imaginary shit together,
'cause you and me, we've
got a job to finish.
[RICHARD HELL'S "BLANK GENERATION" PLAYS]
♪ ♪