Happy! (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - What Smiles Are For - full transcript
A former cop turned hitman with some substance problems suddenly finds himself haunted by the relentlessly upbeat presence of a tiny imaginary winged horse.
Previously on "Happy!"
Nick Sax. Hard to believe this
piece of shit used
to be the best detective
in the whole department.
Right now you're talking
to the man who was hired
to kill the Scaramucci Brothers.
Wait, wait, wait.
The Old Don in Sicily
before he died,
he gave... he gave me a password.
It's priceless.
Nick Sax has got his fat,
grubby fingers
on my password.
You're a great source
of information.
Seems pretty clear that
whoever knows this password
is as good as dead or worse.
- Smoothie?
- I'm gonna set an example
with you.
Come on. Snap out of it.
I'm... Happy!
The happy horse, horse, horse
so full of fun
of course, of course.
You're not real.
Of course not.
I'm Hailey's imaginary friend.
The sweetest, most adorable
little girl in the whole world.
But she's in real bad trouble,
and you're the only one
that can help me save her.
Hailey!
Hey, Merry.
Can I borrow your car?
I didn't wanna tell you, Nick.
Hailey is your daughter.
Come on, now.
This is a network show.
I told that ratchet, all right?
And I'm telling y'all motherers.
I ain't no mothering baby daddy!
- Suck my dick!
- You!
It's not mine!
You know, I've been doing
this show 27 years.
I've never heard that before.
- Ha ha, yeah.
- Come on, Jerry!
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
Man, look at that,
and then look at this.
Look at this!
I would never hit that, man!
I would never hit that!
I'll hit that!
- Yeah!
- Yo, yo!
- Come on, man.
- Yo, that.
That. That's your baby now.
This is your baby! Look at this!
- Look at this!
- That's not my baby!
Yeah, look! Look at this!
- Get out of here, man.
- Well, we're gonna find out
who hit what and from what end,
but first...
Here's another winner at life
who claims the kid ain't his.
Give it up for Nick Sax.
I got no idea why I'm even here.
Well, you're not really here.
This is a metaphor.
You've experienced a near death
bodily trauma. Yeah.
After hearing the best news
any guy can ever hear.
Let's give a nice hand
to the new papa.
Sorry to disappoint.
I ain't nobody's daddy.
How can you be so sure?
You shooting blanks?
Which is pretty funny,
considering your line of work.
Look, any alleged incidents
of erectile dysfunction...
That I am in no way
admitting to...
Would be a fairly recent
development from me,
and totally beside the point.
I'm telling you
I don't belong here.
The only thing I am
a father to is a baseballsize
colonic impasse that's getting
worse every minute
of this conversation.
Well, there's a lovely lady
backstage in our green room
who frankly has a different
version of events.
You can't even bear to look
at her, can you, Nick?
What are you running from? Yeah!
So, don't take this
the wrong way,
but looks like someone
needs a little...
nap!
All righty, now. I accept you.
You're not a hallucination.
You're not my subconscious
trying to dry rape me
for all my past sins.
You're real. Imaginary friend.
Listen to me.
I once saw a man high on PCP
rip off his own testicles
in the middle of Times Square.
Do you know what I'm trying
to say to you?
I'm saying I've seen
some crazy shit.
So I accept it. You exist.
You're here.
There's probably a little girl
somewhere out there
who needs her daddy real
goddamned bad.
And you should go find him.
'Cause I ain't him.
You are him, Nick.
And she's yours.
My God.
Those teeth.
Those flared nostrils
and beady eyes.
It's somehow endearing,
and yet so, so horrible.
How do you even...
Nah, forget it.
Hello? Anybody there?
I'm here.
Hi.
Do you know where we are?
No.
Who are you? Hailey Hansen.
What's your name?
Are you there?
- Yeah.
- Has he hurt you?
He doesn't like us talking.
He thinks we're gonna
do something bad.
Like try to run away.
He doesn't want us
to go back to our parents.
What does he want?
He wants us to stay little kids.
He wants us to stay
little kids forever.
Mrs. Jablonski.
It's me, Sax.
Is that cooking spray?
Dr. Sax.
And no ring.
I'm gonna introduce you
to my granddaughter.
Thrilled.
You can't be too careful,
Doctor.
This used to be
a nice neighborhood,
before all them, you know.
Bad hombres.
- Skulking around.
- Yeah.
I heard them climbing
the fire escape earlier.
Fire escape.
Honey, I'm home.
Surprise! Hey, boys!
What the hell?
No balloons, no hookers?
Come on.
What kind of going away party
is this?
I wanna thank you guys
for not tossing my apartment.
Wait, did you?
Jesus, Frank.
- Look at his balls.
- Swinging like a watch.
I mean, they are hypnotic.
Yeah. In video games,
it's what they call...
Respawning.
- This isn't a game, Sax.
- I just gotta pick up
a few essentials from the
trusty old gobag.
So I can vamanos my burly
white ass on out of here.
That's a good one.
And with that, I bid you byebye.
Help yourselves to the fridge.
I got tendayold Chinese
in there, but with the MSG,
I think you guys
will be all right.
I would offer you booze,
but I wasn't expecting company.
Do make sure to extend
my season greetings to Blue.
You seem confused, Sax.
I seem to think you assholes
didn't get the memo.
The one where Blue
wants me alive.
The password.
Yeah, right. So...
Yeah, we don't work for Blue.
We're with Fresh Ken.
Ninth Street. Since when?
- Tuesday.
- Why?
- More money.
- I understand that.
Fresh Ken.
Anyway, this... this password
that you talk about.
- Yeah?
- It's actually why
we're all here.
See nobody knows what it's for.
Word on the street is,
Blue gets his hands
on that password,
he becomes untouchable.
Unstoppable. Word on the street?
It's like some Ark of
the Covenant shit for hoods.
He'd wipe us all out like polio.
- And I'm the only one who...
- Knows the password.
- Which is why...
- You gotta get dead.
Well, ain't this
a sticky wicket.
He's going down the fire escape!
Bad hombres.
Peanuts.
Nick, there comes a time
when you just gotta
face reality.
Fuck you! Get the fucking fuck
away from me.
Swear jar! Swear jar!
When dirty words
come out too far!
That'll be 25 cents, please.
Crackers and jam, Nick!
Now we're flat broke!
That's right. Money.
We need guns and money.
And I knows just the guy.
Great, so we'll just,
run there, I guess.
This your car?
James Joyce called cheese
the corpse of milk.
I never listened to folk music.
You're more of a yellow slices
wrapped in plastic girl.
Kraft American.
Just get to the point.
You want Sax.
We need to learn to take
our time with things.
This wine, for instance...
Began as a grape.
A sweet thing. Yes.
But also an immature thing.
To reach its full potential,
the grape is subjected
to pressure.
Squashed to a pulp.
Reduced to its essence.
Sealed in darkness.
And there it waits.
Compelled by the hands of time
to become a finer thing.
I get it, Blue.
I'm the grape. No, no, no.
You don't get it.
I'm the grape.
I'm the goddamn grape!
When I was a boy...
The Don swore to me on the
souls of his ancestors
that I would get what's mine.
If I was patient.
Now, I didn't understand then.
But I do now.
I wasn't ready. But now I am.
And I want what I'm due.
And what's that?
Everything.
This is my time
to step to the fore,
to take my place as leader
of the family.
And you're in my way, Meredith.
I get it.
Life has been complicated.
Father gunned down
in the line of duty.
Your mother...
Bright, beautiful, talented...
She loses her mind.
You, the candy striper.
No man in your life.
The only man you ever loved,
well,
you broke up his marriage.
Wrecked his career.
Your script needs a little work.
And now he's back.
And you let him go.
You gave him your car.
I'm glad you did.
I am. You gained his trust
all over again. Use that trust.
Find him. Bring him in.
Alive and articulate.
That's very important, Meredith.
How important?
What did you have in mind?
I bring you Sax, and we're even.
I'm out from under you.
Bill paid in full.
Me and Ma.
- Deal.
- Deal.
What, you wanna fucking
spit on it?
One thing.
I know how hard it can be
to get help on short notice.
So I've dispatched
a qualified professional
to attend to your mother's
every need till you do
what needs to be done.
What?
Run along, Meredith.
I can't wait to see
the look on his face
when you say, "Hey, you!"
"Who, me?"
"Yeah, you.
That's my kid you got there."
"Says who?" "Says me."
"Yeah?" "Yeah."
And then you give him
the old onetwo.
And he runs away screaming
to mommy like a stupid baby.
- My goodness.
- What, what is it?
Shh! Do you hear that?
It's Hailey. WhWhat?
- Yeah!
- Where?
In there! Yeah!
A little further! "Happy!"
You hear that? A little further!
I ain't nobody's daddy.
Well, I'll be dipped
in cat shit.
Le Dick. Boys.
I mean, seriously, Nicky.
How many years?
Le Dic. It's French, yeah, yeah.
I know, I've heard before.
Why don't we just skip
all the pleasantries?
I'm sure you boys wanna
get back to your
little game here.
I need cash, Le Dic.
And weapons.
Aww, shit, Nicky.
All you gotta do is ask.
How much cash and firearms?
Just tell me the type
and quantity.
Be specific. Go with, 10Gs.
No, 20. And, guns.
You know how I roll.
Small cal...
Sig, KelTek. And cannon.
Desert Eagle.
You know, something that'll
just punch a hole
right through the center.
I ain't giving you
any money or guns,
you polesmoking brokeass
piece of shit.
Whoa, calm down.
Calm down, all right.
I admit it. I owe you.
But you... hey, let's not
forget that you owe me.
- You come into my place...
- You know what...
- Sit at my table...
- You owe me.
I haven't seen you in, what?
Six months ago since that shit
went sideways in Bushwick.
That was not all my fault.
- That was bad.
- It wasn't that bad.
- Very awkward.
- Well, it doesn't matter.
"Gimme this, gimme that.
I need cash, Le Dic!
I need guns!"
Shit! Two pair!
Pass the marmalade, girls.
You want something from me?
You sit for a while.
Obviously I'm not imparting
the proper sense of urgency
as to my situation.
I'm getting my ass outta town,
and I'm not talking
about tomorrow, now.
I appreciate the hospitality.
But I'm gonna take a raincheck.
Bullshit. You'll get cards
in front of you, you'll play.
Damn it, Le Dick.
If I had the money
for the buy in,
I wouldn't be here with
my hat in my hand.
18 carat gold.
"To my darling Nicholas
forever."
You don't have
to read it out loud.
Shit, Sax. I just get nauseous
thinking about how this
is gonna go.
So stick your fingers down
your throat, and let's play.
Who the hell bets a wedding
band on a pair of kings?
I'll tell you who. Nick Sax.
What's your favorite
part of Christmas?
- Sitting on Santa's lap.
- I used to like that.
- Used to?
- He took me away from my mom.
I miss her.
- I miss my dad.
- We're going to get home.
- How?
- I sent my friend to get help.
How's black Christmas coming
for you, Pencil Dick?
Bet your kids are pissed?
Another year without presents.
They get presents.
Culturally significant
homemade presents.
What kind of Christmas is that?
Christmas is about
Christmas lights,
Christmas trees,
Christmas presents,
buying shit. Christ on a cross,
just play the game.
Fourth street.
I'm guessing that card
hit everybody but Sax.
You know how long it took me
to find a Wishee?
It sold out for three months.
How much did you pay
for that massmarketed
corporate product?
I mean, look at it.
It's like a pink pervasaurus.
Used to be booze and bitches.
Now it's diapers and daycare.
You're lucky, Sax.
No ninetofive.
No more nagging wife.
No screaming little kid
relying on you to bring
home the, the Wishee.
You're free. Yeah.
Free as a bird.
Living the high life.
Start the day off with
a bottle of Jack,
ending it popping
a couple of 'ludes
just to keep the dreams away.
In between...
I don't remember
a goddamn thing.
You're gonna remember this, Sax.
- Goddamn deck hates me.
- Everyone hates you, Nick.
- So, did you find her?
- Find who?
You need to get your
eyes checked, Nick.
- Check.
- Where are your balls, Sax?
Right.
I took them on the last pot.
I hate when they
take the balls away.
I'm trying to focus here.
Get lost.
Grownup games.
Queen of Hearts. She's pretty.
What'd you just say?
I said she's pretty.
She has a gold crown,
and lipstick.
- Fold.
- Where you going, Sax?
Crapper. You wanna wipe me?
Dude's losing what little
he had left.
And I'm not talking
about the chips.
Everyone stay cool.
We keep him here
as long as Blue says.
The way you're smiling
is like someone who doesn't
know what smiles are for.
Those cards. The lady.
The pretty lady with the gold
crown and the lipstick.
You can see them.
They're not invisible, Nick.
No, but you are. My goodness.
I have this crazy idea.
Do you wanna go get Hailey?
You bet I do!
More than a double scoop
of coffee ice cream!
Then you're gonna help me win
to get money and guns
so we can go get her.
Our teacher Miss Palm says
it's better to lose honestly
than to win by cheating.
Fuck Miss-
Wouldn't Miss Palm want you
to help me get guns and money
so we could go get Hailey?
She'd probably send us
to the Thinking Corner
to come up with a creative
solution to our problems.
You're right.
Just...
I just...
- Just what?
- Just a crazy idea.
I just thought
we could be a team.
You know?
Partners.
Butch and Sundance.
Gin and tonic.
Mickey and Mallory.
You mean Mickey and Pluto?
PB and motherfucking J.
But... Well...
Guess you don't wanna
be my partner.
Bam!
I'm on a winning streak, boys.
Yeah.
Our monkey bread is done.
Mom, are you okay?
Did he do anything to you?
He's making me beautiful again.
- I love hearing you sing.
- I'm so excited.
Geraldine Ferraro's gonna be
our first female President.
I wish I could have
what you're having.
I'll be right back.
This isn't happening.
Get the fuck out of my house.
Am I being unclear, freak?
No, no. Cops and robbers, go on.
This is fantastic.
I love this game.
The only problem is...
I'm sorry...
But the smell of your vagina
is incredibly distracting
in a small space.
She really is intoxicating.
Your mother.
Lovely voice. Real talented.
Don't you talk about her.
I bet... and I probably
shouldn't be saying this,
because it was a time before
people became stars
from sex tapes,
but I think she could have
been really big.
If not for her awkward
little daughter.
Playing with guns
when the other girls
were playing with boys.
She threw it all away
to raise a flatchested
little brat.
And this is what she gets.
It took me hours
to get the mats out of her hair.
When was the last time
you brushed her?
I will shoot you in the head.
You think I won't?
I clean up her shit
three times a day.
I have no problems
cleaning your brains up
off this ceiling.
Now you listen to me closely.
The sooner you do what
you agreed to do,
the sooner I can get out
of this pisssmelling
geriatric nightmare.
Your exfucker has resurfaced.
You are going to bring him in.
And I am gonna get
what Blue wants from him.
Like you did last time?
I have to get back
to the makeover.
Jessica!
Time for the mask to come off.
Will you look at that?
Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
Some heater you're on, Nicky.
Yeah, you know what they say.
Even a clock gets a broken face
twice a day.
That is a thing, right?
You've never been lucky.
Not your whole life.
The hell angle you running?
Well, if you promise
to keep a secret...
I got a little blue horse
that's on the top of your hat
with wings telling me your hand.
Two and a five.
Not even the same color.
This hand stinks worse than
that coat you're wearing, Nick.
Come on, Le Dick.
You trying to bluff me?
Well, it's been a pleasure,
ladies.
Sit down.
You are not going anywhere.
I got appointments to keep.
People to see. And besides,
I got all the cash that I need.
But I will need
that band right there.
And I'm happy to pay you
your own money for it.
Wow.
You're not going anywhere.
Not till you and Blue
figure your shit out.
Well, well, well.
The plot sickens.
Do you have any idea how
hard it is to concentrate
with you bouncing
off the ceiling?
It's like kissing God!
It's like kissing God!
I'm everything and nothing!
I'm everything and nothing!
Sucks on that like he
knows what he's doing.
You didn't think
we kept you around here
all this time because
you're so fun to be around,
did you?
Sad face emoji.
I expected more from you,
Le Dick.
I thought we were friends. No.
No friends here, Sax.
Only got one ass,
and Blue is all the way up it.
What? No. Come on, Nick.
Let's... Let's play some more.
Let's clean these donkeys out.
- Game's over, pal.
- Afraid so.
What do you mean, over?
Look at all this cold,
hard lettuce.
We hit the jackpot. My God.
Look at yourself.
What would Miss Palm say?
Do you even know where
you are right now?
But I do have a confession
for you, boys.
I did cheat. I knew it.
You are the worst poker
player ever, Sax.
I don't deny it.
I mean, I think we all know
that there's only one thing
I've ever been any good at.
Merry Christmas.
Mousy!
Like you said, Nicky.
We're friends, right?
Take the money. Take the guns.
Consider yourself debt free!
Well, I'm taking the money.
And the guns.
And your shitty car.
There. Here.
Aren't we forgetting something?
Yeah. The...
On your... Yeah.
Don't worry, Frenchie.
I'll help you with that.
Welcome back down.
Where are we going?
This way.
The city's back that way.
Hailey's back that way.
You... You said we were partners.
PB and J.
We had a deal.
Never shook on it.
I'm grabbing pancakes,
and then I'm driving
ever westward. Stay, go.
Entirely up to you.
He's the strongest man
in the world.
And fast. He'll catch you.
If you're hiding,
he knows where to find you.
- Wow.
- My dad's coming.
He's a hero.
He's gonna find Santa,
and he's gonna put him
in jail forever.
What is Santa finds
your daddy first?
Just run an APB.
And if he surfaces,
you come to me first.
- I wanna see McCarthy.
- Ma'am, I'm not gonna
tell you again. It's all right.
I need your help.
Okay. How can I help you?
Someone kidnapped my daughter.
I'm sorry to hear that.
But this is Homicide.
I'm Homicide. I know.
I need to find Nick.
I haven't seen Nick
in ten years.
Wouldn't even begin
to know where to look.
Someone took Hailey.
And nobody in this place
wants to do anything about it.
You owe me.
I'll introduce you to
a wonderful detective
in Missing Persons and
they'll be able to help you.
But to be clear...
I don't owe you anything at all.
Hailey Bailey!
You almost done with your...
No.
That's all she knows.
One picture.
And from it, she...
She made up a hero.
But you're no hero,
are you, Nick?
What I've been trying
to tell you.
Look me in the eyes.
Come on, man. Put those back on.
No.
If only Hailey knew.
You're more imaginary
than I'll ever be.
Ooh, nasty. Wow, that stings.
You really hurt me there.
Look, you know,
it's real easy to judge a guy
when bullets can't hurt you.
Those assholes who
were coming for me...
I don't know if you
can understand this,
but they're playing for keeps.
I can die. Just like you.
How can you die?
You're imaginary.
I die if she dies.
I saw what you did
to all those bad guys, Nick.
If you can do that,
you can save Hailey.
You can! But y...
You won't!
Because you're not running
from the bad guys.
You're running from her!
Because that's the kind
of guy you are!
When I left Hailey,
I was good! Like her!
Now I've cheated, I've lied,
I... I've snorted narcotics.
A lot of narcotics.
Listen, unicorn...
Listen, unicorn.
This is not the imaginary world.
This is the real world.
And it's messy.
And people do a lot of things
that they're not very proud of.
Ordering this breakfast,
for one.
But I'm gonna soldier through.
And when I'm done,
I am gonna get into
that hideous automobile
in front,
and I'm gonna punch my ticket
out of here.
Leaving this cold, filthy city
and everything in it
in my rearview mirror.
Ever westward, baby.
And I ain't stopping until
I see that sun drop
into the water.
In a city of seven million,
why'd it have to be you?
- It ain't me.
- Keep saying it.
Keep saying it and someday
you might believe it.
That picture of you
that Hailey saw was real.
You were a hero once!
I... I guess that's why
you hate yourself.
And it's a 20% tip always,
no matter the service.
Nick, they live on tips.
Come on, Nick.
Everyone in our audience
seems to be ahead of you
on this one.
You know in your heart
she's yours, don't you, Nick?
I didn't even know
you were still on the air.
If you run away, Nick,
you're never gonna stop.
And eventually, you're gonna die
miserable and alone
and filled with regret.
You do still process regret,
don't you, Nick?
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Get in.
I'm not going ever westward,
Nick.
Neither am I.
Come on.
Let's go find this kid.
Yeah!
Partners? Don't push it.
Nick Sax. Hard to believe this
piece of shit used
to be the best detective
in the whole department.
Right now you're talking
to the man who was hired
to kill the Scaramucci Brothers.
Wait, wait, wait.
The Old Don in Sicily
before he died,
he gave... he gave me a password.
It's priceless.
Nick Sax has got his fat,
grubby fingers
on my password.
You're a great source
of information.
Seems pretty clear that
whoever knows this password
is as good as dead or worse.
- Smoothie?
- I'm gonna set an example
with you.
Come on. Snap out of it.
I'm... Happy!
The happy horse, horse, horse
so full of fun
of course, of course.
You're not real.
Of course not.
I'm Hailey's imaginary friend.
The sweetest, most adorable
little girl in the whole world.
But she's in real bad trouble,
and you're the only one
that can help me save her.
Hailey!
Hey, Merry.
Can I borrow your car?
I didn't wanna tell you, Nick.
Hailey is your daughter.
Come on, now.
This is a network show.
I told that ratchet, all right?
And I'm telling y'all motherers.
I ain't no mothering baby daddy!
- Suck my dick!
- You!
It's not mine!
You know, I've been doing
this show 27 years.
I've never heard that before.
- Ha ha, yeah.
- Come on, Jerry!
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
Man, look at that,
and then look at this.
Look at this!
I would never hit that, man!
I would never hit that!
I'll hit that!
- Yeah!
- Yo, yo!
- Come on, man.
- Yo, that.
That. That's your baby now.
This is your baby! Look at this!
- Look at this!
- That's not my baby!
Yeah, look! Look at this!
- Get out of here, man.
- Well, we're gonna find out
who hit what and from what end,
but first...
Here's another winner at life
who claims the kid ain't his.
Give it up for Nick Sax.
I got no idea why I'm even here.
Well, you're not really here.
This is a metaphor.
You've experienced a near death
bodily trauma. Yeah.
After hearing the best news
any guy can ever hear.
Let's give a nice hand
to the new papa.
Sorry to disappoint.
I ain't nobody's daddy.
How can you be so sure?
You shooting blanks?
Which is pretty funny,
considering your line of work.
Look, any alleged incidents
of erectile dysfunction...
That I am in no way
admitting to...
Would be a fairly recent
development from me,
and totally beside the point.
I'm telling you
I don't belong here.
The only thing I am
a father to is a baseballsize
colonic impasse that's getting
worse every minute
of this conversation.
Well, there's a lovely lady
backstage in our green room
who frankly has a different
version of events.
You can't even bear to look
at her, can you, Nick?
What are you running from? Yeah!
So, don't take this
the wrong way,
but looks like someone
needs a little...
nap!
All righty, now. I accept you.
You're not a hallucination.
You're not my subconscious
trying to dry rape me
for all my past sins.
You're real. Imaginary friend.
Listen to me.
I once saw a man high on PCP
rip off his own testicles
in the middle of Times Square.
Do you know what I'm trying
to say to you?
I'm saying I've seen
some crazy shit.
So I accept it. You exist.
You're here.
There's probably a little girl
somewhere out there
who needs her daddy real
goddamned bad.
And you should go find him.
'Cause I ain't him.
You are him, Nick.
And she's yours.
My God.
Those teeth.
Those flared nostrils
and beady eyes.
It's somehow endearing,
and yet so, so horrible.
How do you even...
Nah, forget it.
Hello? Anybody there?
I'm here.
Hi.
Do you know where we are?
No.
Who are you? Hailey Hansen.
What's your name?
Are you there?
- Yeah.
- Has he hurt you?
He doesn't like us talking.
He thinks we're gonna
do something bad.
Like try to run away.
He doesn't want us
to go back to our parents.
What does he want?
He wants us to stay little kids.
He wants us to stay
little kids forever.
Mrs. Jablonski.
It's me, Sax.
Is that cooking spray?
Dr. Sax.
And no ring.
I'm gonna introduce you
to my granddaughter.
Thrilled.
You can't be too careful,
Doctor.
This used to be
a nice neighborhood,
before all them, you know.
Bad hombres.
- Skulking around.
- Yeah.
I heard them climbing
the fire escape earlier.
Fire escape.
Honey, I'm home.
Surprise! Hey, boys!
What the hell?
No balloons, no hookers?
Come on.
What kind of going away party
is this?
I wanna thank you guys
for not tossing my apartment.
Wait, did you?
Jesus, Frank.
- Look at his balls.
- Swinging like a watch.
I mean, they are hypnotic.
Yeah. In video games,
it's what they call...
Respawning.
- This isn't a game, Sax.
- I just gotta pick up
a few essentials from the
trusty old gobag.
So I can vamanos my burly
white ass on out of here.
That's a good one.
And with that, I bid you byebye.
Help yourselves to the fridge.
I got tendayold Chinese
in there, but with the MSG,
I think you guys
will be all right.
I would offer you booze,
but I wasn't expecting company.
Do make sure to extend
my season greetings to Blue.
You seem confused, Sax.
I seem to think you assholes
didn't get the memo.
The one where Blue
wants me alive.
The password.
Yeah, right. So...
Yeah, we don't work for Blue.
We're with Fresh Ken.
Ninth Street. Since when?
- Tuesday.
- Why?
- More money.
- I understand that.
Fresh Ken.
Anyway, this... this password
that you talk about.
- Yeah?
- It's actually why
we're all here.
See nobody knows what it's for.
Word on the street is,
Blue gets his hands
on that password,
he becomes untouchable.
Unstoppable. Word on the street?
It's like some Ark of
the Covenant shit for hoods.
He'd wipe us all out like polio.
- And I'm the only one who...
- Knows the password.
- Which is why...
- You gotta get dead.
Well, ain't this
a sticky wicket.
He's going down the fire escape!
Bad hombres.
Peanuts.
Nick, there comes a time
when you just gotta
face reality.
Fuck you! Get the fucking fuck
away from me.
Swear jar! Swear jar!
When dirty words
come out too far!
That'll be 25 cents, please.
Crackers and jam, Nick!
Now we're flat broke!
That's right. Money.
We need guns and money.
And I knows just the guy.
Great, so we'll just,
run there, I guess.
This your car?
James Joyce called cheese
the corpse of milk.
I never listened to folk music.
You're more of a yellow slices
wrapped in plastic girl.
Kraft American.
Just get to the point.
You want Sax.
We need to learn to take
our time with things.
This wine, for instance...
Began as a grape.
A sweet thing. Yes.
But also an immature thing.
To reach its full potential,
the grape is subjected
to pressure.
Squashed to a pulp.
Reduced to its essence.
Sealed in darkness.
And there it waits.
Compelled by the hands of time
to become a finer thing.
I get it, Blue.
I'm the grape. No, no, no.
You don't get it.
I'm the grape.
I'm the goddamn grape!
When I was a boy...
The Don swore to me on the
souls of his ancestors
that I would get what's mine.
If I was patient.
Now, I didn't understand then.
But I do now.
I wasn't ready. But now I am.
And I want what I'm due.
And what's that?
Everything.
This is my time
to step to the fore,
to take my place as leader
of the family.
And you're in my way, Meredith.
I get it.
Life has been complicated.
Father gunned down
in the line of duty.
Your mother...
Bright, beautiful, talented...
She loses her mind.
You, the candy striper.
No man in your life.
The only man you ever loved,
well,
you broke up his marriage.
Wrecked his career.
Your script needs a little work.
And now he's back.
And you let him go.
You gave him your car.
I'm glad you did.
I am. You gained his trust
all over again. Use that trust.
Find him. Bring him in.
Alive and articulate.
That's very important, Meredith.
How important?
What did you have in mind?
I bring you Sax, and we're even.
I'm out from under you.
Bill paid in full.
Me and Ma.
- Deal.
- Deal.
What, you wanna fucking
spit on it?
One thing.
I know how hard it can be
to get help on short notice.
So I've dispatched
a qualified professional
to attend to your mother's
every need till you do
what needs to be done.
What?
Run along, Meredith.
I can't wait to see
the look on his face
when you say, "Hey, you!"
"Who, me?"
"Yeah, you.
That's my kid you got there."
"Says who?" "Says me."
"Yeah?" "Yeah."
And then you give him
the old onetwo.
And he runs away screaming
to mommy like a stupid baby.
- My goodness.
- What, what is it?
Shh! Do you hear that?
It's Hailey. WhWhat?
- Yeah!
- Where?
In there! Yeah!
A little further! "Happy!"
You hear that? A little further!
I ain't nobody's daddy.
Well, I'll be dipped
in cat shit.
Le Dick. Boys.
I mean, seriously, Nicky.
How many years?
Le Dic. It's French, yeah, yeah.
I know, I've heard before.
Why don't we just skip
all the pleasantries?
I'm sure you boys wanna
get back to your
little game here.
I need cash, Le Dic.
And weapons.
Aww, shit, Nicky.
All you gotta do is ask.
How much cash and firearms?
Just tell me the type
and quantity.
Be specific. Go with, 10Gs.
No, 20. And, guns.
You know how I roll.
Small cal...
Sig, KelTek. And cannon.
Desert Eagle.
You know, something that'll
just punch a hole
right through the center.
I ain't giving you
any money or guns,
you polesmoking brokeass
piece of shit.
Whoa, calm down.
Calm down, all right.
I admit it. I owe you.
But you... hey, let's not
forget that you owe me.
- You come into my place...
- You know what...
- Sit at my table...
- You owe me.
I haven't seen you in, what?
Six months ago since that shit
went sideways in Bushwick.
That was not all my fault.
- That was bad.
- It wasn't that bad.
- Very awkward.
- Well, it doesn't matter.
"Gimme this, gimme that.
I need cash, Le Dic!
I need guns!"
Shit! Two pair!
Pass the marmalade, girls.
You want something from me?
You sit for a while.
Obviously I'm not imparting
the proper sense of urgency
as to my situation.
I'm getting my ass outta town,
and I'm not talking
about tomorrow, now.
I appreciate the hospitality.
But I'm gonna take a raincheck.
Bullshit. You'll get cards
in front of you, you'll play.
Damn it, Le Dick.
If I had the money
for the buy in,
I wouldn't be here with
my hat in my hand.
18 carat gold.
"To my darling Nicholas
forever."
You don't have
to read it out loud.
Shit, Sax. I just get nauseous
thinking about how this
is gonna go.
So stick your fingers down
your throat, and let's play.
Who the hell bets a wedding
band on a pair of kings?
I'll tell you who. Nick Sax.
What's your favorite
part of Christmas?
- Sitting on Santa's lap.
- I used to like that.
- Used to?
- He took me away from my mom.
I miss her.
- I miss my dad.
- We're going to get home.
- How?
- I sent my friend to get help.
How's black Christmas coming
for you, Pencil Dick?
Bet your kids are pissed?
Another year without presents.
They get presents.
Culturally significant
homemade presents.
What kind of Christmas is that?
Christmas is about
Christmas lights,
Christmas trees,
Christmas presents,
buying shit. Christ on a cross,
just play the game.
Fourth street.
I'm guessing that card
hit everybody but Sax.
You know how long it took me
to find a Wishee?
It sold out for three months.
How much did you pay
for that massmarketed
corporate product?
I mean, look at it.
It's like a pink pervasaurus.
Used to be booze and bitches.
Now it's diapers and daycare.
You're lucky, Sax.
No ninetofive.
No more nagging wife.
No screaming little kid
relying on you to bring
home the, the Wishee.
You're free. Yeah.
Free as a bird.
Living the high life.
Start the day off with
a bottle of Jack,
ending it popping
a couple of 'ludes
just to keep the dreams away.
In between...
I don't remember
a goddamn thing.
You're gonna remember this, Sax.
- Goddamn deck hates me.
- Everyone hates you, Nick.
- So, did you find her?
- Find who?
You need to get your
eyes checked, Nick.
- Check.
- Where are your balls, Sax?
Right.
I took them on the last pot.
I hate when they
take the balls away.
I'm trying to focus here.
Get lost.
Grownup games.
Queen of Hearts. She's pretty.
What'd you just say?
I said she's pretty.
She has a gold crown,
and lipstick.
- Fold.
- Where you going, Sax?
Crapper. You wanna wipe me?
Dude's losing what little
he had left.
And I'm not talking
about the chips.
Everyone stay cool.
We keep him here
as long as Blue says.
The way you're smiling
is like someone who doesn't
know what smiles are for.
Those cards. The lady.
The pretty lady with the gold
crown and the lipstick.
You can see them.
They're not invisible, Nick.
No, but you are. My goodness.
I have this crazy idea.
Do you wanna go get Hailey?
You bet I do!
More than a double scoop
of coffee ice cream!
Then you're gonna help me win
to get money and guns
so we can go get her.
Our teacher Miss Palm says
it's better to lose honestly
than to win by cheating.
Fuck Miss-
Wouldn't Miss Palm want you
to help me get guns and money
so we could go get Hailey?
She'd probably send us
to the Thinking Corner
to come up with a creative
solution to our problems.
You're right.
Just...
I just...
- Just what?
- Just a crazy idea.
I just thought
we could be a team.
You know?
Partners.
Butch and Sundance.
Gin and tonic.
Mickey and Mallory.
You mean Mickey and Pluto?
PB and motherfucking J.
But... Well...
Guess you don't wanna
be my partner.
Bam!
I'm on a winning streak, boys.
Yeah.
Our monkey bread is done.
Mom, are you okay?
Did he do anything to you?
He's making me beautiful again.
- I love hearing you sing.
- I'm so excited.
Geraldine Ferraro's gonna be
our first female President.
I wish I could have
what you're having.
I'll be right back.
This isn't happening.
Get the fuck out of my house.
Am I being unclear, freak?
No, no. Cops and robbers, go on.
This is fantastic.
I love this game.
The only problem is...
I'm sorry...
But the smell of your vagina
is incredibly distracting
in a small space.
She really is intoxicating.
Your mother.
Lovely voice. Real talented.
Don't you talk about her.
I bet... and I probably
shouldn't be saying this,
because it was a time before
people became stars
from sex tapes,
but I think she could have
been really big.
If not for her awkward
little daughter.
Playing with guns
when the other girls
were playing with boys.
She threw it all away
to raise a flatchested
little brat.
And this is what she gets.
It took me hours
to get the mats out of her hair.
When was the last time
you brushed her?
I will shoot you in the head.
You think I won't?
I clean up her shit
three times a day.
I have no problems
cleaning your brains up
off this ceiling.
Now you listen to me closely.
The sooner you do what
you agreed to do,
the sooner I can get out
of this pisssmelling
geriatric nightmare.
Your exfucker has resurfaced.
You are going to bring him in.
And I am gonna get
what Blue wants from him.
Like you did last time?
I have to get back
to the makeover.
Jessica!
Time for the mask to come off.
Will you look at that?
Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
Some heater you're on, Nicky.
Yeah, you know what they say.
Even a clock gets a broken face
twice a day.
That is a thing, right?
You've never been lucky.
Not your whole life.
The hell angle you running?
Well, if you promise
to keep a secret...
I got a little blue horse
that's on the top of your hat
with wings telling me your hand.
Two and a five.
Not even the same color.
This hand stinks worse than
that coat you're wearing, Nick.
Come on, Le Dick.
You trying to bluff me?
Well, it's been a pleasure,
ladies.
Sit down.
You are not going anywhere.
I got appointments to keep.
People to see. And besides,
I got all the cash that I need.
But I will need
that band right there.
And I'm happy to pay you
your own money for it.
Wow.
You're not going anywhere.
Not till you and Blue
figure your shit out.
Well, well, well.
The plot sickens.
Do you have any idea how
hard it is to concentrate
with you bouncing
off the ceiling?
It's like kissing God!
It's like kissing God!
I'm everything and nothing!
I'm everything and nothing!
Sucks on that like he
knows what he's doing.
You didn't think
we kept you around here
all this time because
you're so fun to be around,
did you?
Sad face emoji.
I expected more from you,
Le Dick.
I thought we were friends. No.
No friends here, Sax.
Only got one ass,
and Blue is all the way up it.
What? No. Come on, Nick.
Let's... Let's play some more.
Let's clean these donkeys out.
- Game's over, pal.
- Afraid so.
What do you mean, over?
Look at all this cold,
hard lettuce.
We hit the jackpot. My God.
Look at yourself.
What would Miss Palm say?
Do you even know where
you are right now?
But I do have a confession
for you, boys.
I did cheat. I knew it.
You are the worst poker
player ever, Sax.
I don't deny it.
I mean, I think we all know
that there's only one thing
I've ever been any good at.
Merry Christmas.
Mousy!
Like you said, Nicky.
We're friends, right?
Take the money. Take the guns.
Consider yourself debt free!
Well, I'm taking the money.
And the guns.
And your shitty car.
There. Here.
Aren't we forgetting something?
Yeah. The...
On your... Yeah.
Don't worry, Frenchie.
I'll help you with that.
Welcome back down.
Where are we going?
This way.
The city's back that way.
Hailey's back that way.
You... You said we were partners.
PB and J.
We had a deal.
Never shook on it.
I'm grabbing pancakes,
and then I'm driving
ever westward. Stay, go.
Entirely up to you.
He's the strongest man
in the world.
And fast. He'll catch you.
If you're hiding,
he knows where to find you.
- Wow.
- My dad's coming.
He's a hero.
He's gonna find Santa,
and he's gonna put him
in jail forever.
What is Santa finds
your daddy first?
Just run an APB.
And if he surfaces,
you come to me first.
- I wanna see McCarthy.
- Ma'am, I'm not gonna
tell you again. It's all right.
I need your help.
Okay. How can I help you?
Someone kidnapped my daughter.
I'm sorry to hear that.
But this is Homicide.
I'm Homicide. I know.
I need to find Nick.
I haven't seen Nick
in ten years.
Wouldn't even begin
to know where to look.
Someone took Hailey.
And nobody in this place
wants to do anything about it.
You owe me.
I'll introduce you to
a wonderful detective
in Missing Persons and
they'll be able to help you.
But to be clear...
I don't owe you anything at all.
Hailey Bailey!
You almost done with your...
No.
That's all she knows.
One picture.
And from it, she...
She made up a hero.
But you're no hero,
are you, Nick?
What I've been trying
to tell you.
Look me in the eyes.
Come on, man. Put those back on.
No.
If only Hailey knew.
You're more imaginary
than I'll ever be.
Ooh, nasty. Wow, that stings.
You really hurt me there.
Look, you know,
it's real easy to judge a guy
when bullets can't hurt you.
Those assholes who
were coming for me...
I don't know if you
can understand this,
but they're playing for keeps.
I can die. Just like you.
How can you die?
You're imaginary.
I die if she dies.
I saw what you did
to all those bad guys, Nick.
If you can do that,
you can save Hailey.
You can! But y...
You won't!
Because you're not running
from the bad guys.
You're running from her!
Because that's the kind
of guy you are!
When I left Hailey,
I was good! Like her!
Now I've cheated, I've lied,
I... I've snorted narcotics.
A lot of narcotics.
Listen, unicorn...
Listen, unicorn.
This is not the imaginary world.
This is the real world.
And it's messy.
And people do a lot of things
that they're not very proud of.
Ordering this breakfast,
for one.
But I'm gonna soldier through.
And when I'm done,
I am gonna get into
that hideous automobile
in front,
and I'm gonna punch my ticket
out of here.
Leaving this cold, filthy city
and everything in it
in my rearview mirror.
Ever westward, baby.
And I ain't stopping until
I see that sun drop
into the water.
In a city of seven million,
why'd it have to be you?
- It ain't me.
- Keep saying it.
Keep saying it and someday
you might believe it.
That picture of you
that Hailey saw was real.
You were a hero once!
I... I guess that's why
you hate yourself.
And it's a 20% tip always,
no matter the service.
Nick, they live on tips.
Come on, Nick.
Everyone in our audience
seems to be ahead of you
on this one.
You know in your heart
she's yours, don't you, Nick?
I didn't even know
you were still on the air.
If you run away, Nick,
you're never gonna stop.
And eventually, you're gonna die
miserable and alone
and filled with regret.
You do still process regret,
don't you, Nick?
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Get in.
I'm not going ever westward,
Nick.
Neither am I.
Come on.
Let's go find this kid.
Yeah!
Partners? Don't push it.