Hamster & Gretel (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Opposite of Smart/Birthday Besties - full transcript

Who's the improbable duo
that you've heard about?

Faster than a scooter
Stronger than metal

Who's the little girl
and her domesticated rodent?

Who's still standing
when you see the dust settle?

It's Hamster
Hamster, Hamster

Hamster and Gretel

If they can't do it then nobody can

Hamster, Hamster, Hamster

Hamster and Gretel

There's also Kevin in the minivan

I think we're gonna get
into some sticky situations



Because we're running low on it

We're all out of patience

We don't stress
We don't worry

We're nonchalant

We'd tell you more
but we don't consider you

A confidante

We take what we want

Hello, police?

We've just been energetically robbed.

This is an Action News special report.

This is the sixth bank robbery
in so many days,

which raises many questions,

such as would banks be robbed less

if they didn't keep so much
money in them?



Were they holding pom-poms?

Yep. Plus they just executed
a perfect round-off.

They're cheerleaders.

Cheerleaders robbing banks,
that's crazy.

Didn't we just fight
a sentient mustache?

I see your point. Blue and gold.

Does that sound familiar?

- No.
- Have you ever been

to any school functions?

How are you beating me?

And I don't even have opposable thumbs.

It's our school colors, right here.

Aww, they look so sweet.

They're guilty.

Maybe. But we need more evidence.

We need to investigate.

We need someone on the inside.

We need someone to go undercover.

They're having cheer leading
tryouts tomorrow.

And why exactly are you looking at me?

First of all, don't hold the pom-poms
out like they're some poisonous snakes.

Okay. What kind of snake
should I hold them like?

Fuzzy, happy snakes that you love.

I've researched the basic moves
that cheerleaders usually do.

Splits may be too advanced,
since it's been a while.

Hold my water.

Still too advanced?

That was amazing!

When did you learn to do that?

It was a long, long time ago.

It was three years ago.

- She almost went to state.
- Why did you stop?

Smile, you have to smile.

I quit.

Yeah, that would do it.

Now we can focus on the hard part.

You need to have pep.

You know I'm pep intolerant.

That's okay, because Gretel
is gonna help you.

I'm the pep coach

and Hamster's my assistant coach.

We'll have you smiling in no time.

I'm gonna go buy
an outfit for your tryout.

- F-R-E...
- Do not spell out my name.

Go, Fred! Good luck.

That is very funny.

Then why aren't you smiling?

The red goes better with your hair.

I'm... I'm trying to figure out sizes.

My cousin Fred is trying out
for cheer leading.

Wait. Fred is trying out
for cheer leading?

Yeah, that's improbable, right?

No, that's awesome.

Hey, hey, I'm about her size.

Let me help you out.

The size looks right,

but the style is so not Fred.

I know, but she has to go undercover.

Undercover? Why?

Uh, she's, uh, doing a paper.

Story for a paper, the school paper.

Really. I'm the editor.

- How come I don't know?
- It's... it's deep undercover.

Don't tell anyone, especially Fred.

Her secret's safe. From her. With me.

I'm just not a peppy person at my core.

Wait. You're a fan of Yuko,
Cheer leading Warrior Attack 7?

Yes.

If you achieve bad feelings

Maintain unease

A pom-pom filled power

Will bring you to your knees
Sing it!

Yuko, Hana, Brenda,
Starlight, Minko, Bum Bum, Heaven

Again

Yuko, Hana, Brenda,
Starlight, Minko, Bum Bum, Heaven

We're Yuko,
Cheer leading Warrior Attack 7

So you're not peppy at your core, right?

But you can pretend
to be peppy, like these guys.

They're super-spy warriors
who only pretend to be

peppy cheerleaders as cover identities.

Anime Weekly called it "a sophisticated
satire on cheer leading culture."

So you're saying I can just
pretend to smile and be peppy?

As an exercise in satirical mockery?

Exactly.

Satirical mockery, I can do.

- Ow.
- Sorry, I gave you a little

super slap there.

I have no idea where these come from.

Last call for cheer leading tryouts.

Last call.

You'll be perfect.

You think you can
learn a super-complicated routine

for the pep rally tomorrow afternoon?

"Learn a super-complicated
routine for the pep rally

"tomorrow afternoon" is my middle name.

She's in.
We can get to the bottom of this.

Okay, we've got 10 minutes

to get 110% ready for this pep rally.

That's 11% per minute. Let's go.

Hey, like, I know we just met,

but, like, are you into crime,
notably like theft?

Do you find embezzlement,
like, morally questionable?

I'm okay.

Hey. Do you know where I can get
my uniform and my money laundered?

Hey, new girl, we need to chat.

Uh, excuse me?

We know what you're doing.

You're watching Yuko,
Cheer leading Warrior Attack 7.

We noticed your button.

Hold up, you guys watch anime?

Well, we watch
Yuko, Cheer leading Warrior.

- It's only like the best show ever.
- ...show ever.

What are you two doing here?

Kevin wanted us to help you investigate.

- Where's Kevin?
- He wanted to get to the pep rally early

to try to sit near Hiromi.

Ah, bless his heart.

- Did you find anything?
- No.

- Did you?
- Nothing.

I've talked with all of them
and learned some

horrifying things about the school.

Don't eat the fish sticks.

Brutal.

I keep forgetting that
he can talk. Anyway,

I don't think it's cheerleaders
pulling off the robberies.

Yeah, they're still evil because,
you know,

they're, like, teenage girls,

but they're not super villain evil.

Something's not adding up.

Okay.

The pep rally is in two minutes.

Remember, kick high, smile big,
and steal all the money in the city.

We got this, Coach.

Wait, stealing from the what?

Oh, I keep forgetting
to flip that switch.

All right, girls,

it's time we expand our operation.

I'm going to hypnotize the whole school.

Then you'll lead the others
in the largest multi-bank robbery

the world has ever seen,
hitting every bank in town

at the same time.

Even Hamster and Gretel
won't be able to stop it.

Wait, where's the new girl?

I'll deal with her later.

Come on.
We've got a school to take over.

Holy smoked salmon. It's the coach.

She's using that whistle
to hypnotize them.

- Let's go.
- Hold up.

We need to know what we're up against.

A hypno whistle, duh!

Yes, but if we go in with no game plan,

we could be zombified
with everyone else.

First, we'll need these
noise-canceling headphones.

We're too late.

Look, Kevin and Hiromi
are out there, too.

We need to find out
how to break the hypnosis.

- That could take weeks! Or seconds.
- Found it.

She patented the whistle under her name,

including a detailed user's manual.

"Warning, whistle will not work
when the hypnotized person

"hears loud, jarring,
rhythmical sound or music."

Like a cheer. That's it, Fred!

You have to create
a cheer to break the spell.

What? No.

I've smiled, danced
and pretended to feel joy.

Isn't that enough torture?

You have to do it,
you're the last cheerleader.

Now, my zombie minions,
go rob, steal, pilfer.

I want cash, gold, jewels,
but mostly cash.

Don't steal from the banks

Said don't steal from the banks
You'll go to jail

You'll get no thanks
Don't feel from the banks

Don't lead a life of crime

I said, don't lead a life of crime

You'll end up doing real hard time

So don't lead a life of crime

You don't want to end up
with a past that's checkered

This all goes on your permanent record

Don't commit felonies

No, don't commit felonies

You can't afford all the legal fees

So don't commit felonies

Ho, ho, hey, hey!

The evil coach is getting away

Wait, that's for real.
She's literally getting away.

Get her, Fred.

Don't be a hero, kid.

I'm no hero, I'm a cheerleader.

I hate cheerleaders!

Yeah!

Look, a real smile.

I knew it was in there somewhere.

And it's gone.

So the coach was
hypnotizing us to rob banks?

- Yep.
- And you were spying on us

to find this out?

- That's right.
- And you apparently had pants

that looked like bare legs
under your cheerleader outfit

but over your regular clothes?

Also correct.

I have no further questions.

Look, even though you were spying on us,

you did save everyone,
which is really cool,

and if you want,
you can be on the squad for real.

You guys are cooler
than I originally thought

but I am not cheerleader material.

However, if you ever want to watch
anime together, give me a holler.

Best show ever.

- You were awesome.
- Fred,

we're bumping the fish sticks expose
and making this the front page.

I need 2,000 words by tomorrow morning.

What did you do?

I was with Hiromi.
There's so many cheer leading outfits

and now you're on the school paper.

Okay, bye.

Somebody's looking for a super slap.

Oops, sorry. I left these here earlier.