Hamster & Gretel (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Saturday Homecoming Fever/Dr. Eelgood - full transcript
Hamster and Gretel must save the homecoming dance at the high school./Hamster and Gretel encounter a mutant eel.
Remind me again why
you chose Sigmund Freud
for your book report.
We had to choose someone
important and controversial.
Fred picked Freud because
she thinks that he needed therapy.
Hi. I have to get to school early today,
so I'll just have this banana.
- Kevin, can we go now, please?
- Uh...
As in like right now, this second.
Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. Let's go.
- Bye, love you.
- Bye!
I heard Sigmund was a Freud of the dark.
What did I tell you
about puns before 9:00 a.m?
That you love them?
- Exactamente.
What's going on?
Okay, I had
this substitute teacher this week
who I just know
is some kind of evil villain.
So I'm going to sneak
Hamster in to go undercover
as the class pet for backup,
in case the teacher tries
anything shifty.
What makes you think the guy's evil?
Oh, it's so obvious.
He's got one of those evil
half-beardy things.
- You mean a goatee?
- Right, a goatee.
Also, I'm having one of my hero hunches.
Last time you had a hero hunch,
we had to buy Miss Greenberg
a new mailbox.
You never believe me.
I'm cautiously skeptical.
But keep your guard up
and try not to melt anything.
This cage used to belong to
our class mouse, Skippy.
What happened to the mouse?
Um...
It's not important.
Hey, there.
It's Gretel, right?
Maybe, maybe not.
What's with all the questions,
Mr. Chabner?
If that is, in fact, your real name.
Um... It is.
Says you.
Okay, careful of the door.
Gretel would think
Freud's evil because of his beard.
I have issues with sideburns myself.
Hey, look, I'm starting to grow a beard.
Maybe I'm evil. Check it out.
You mean this one strand?
It's a beard. It's just patchy.
I got hair removal spray.
- I can take care of that.
- Stay back.
Kevin. My substitute teacher is about
to do something evil any minute.
Really? What's he doing?
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
Exactly.
I know he's about to do something.
Why don't you believe me?
Because your hunches
have destroyed a mailbox,
a gazebo and three
of our neighbors' cars.
I got to go.
So that's what happened to the gazebo.
Good morning.
As you already know, I'm Mr. Chabner.
I've been enjoying
my time with all of you.
And just for fun, today I'm going to
stray from the curriculum.
Stray from the curriculum?
What's your angle, mister?
Well, Gretel,
I just like to loosen things up.
I'm going to need a volunteer.
Me, me, me, me. Pick me.
- Bailey it is.
- No!
I'm so excited!
What do you want me to do?
What's your favorite exercise?
Pole vaulting.
Something
we can do in this room.
- Jumping jacks.
- Perfect.
Stand right here.
Bailey is going to lead us all
in some jumping jacks.
Take it away.
Everybody, stand up.
And let's go.
One, two, three, four, five...
...six, seven.
No!
Four, five, six, seven.
No!
Ahh!
Why?
I thought the solar system
was gonna fall and crush you.
Yes, thank goodness that didn't happen.
Freud's most important work, he...
Uh, Ms. Weems,
I have to go to the bathroom.
Now? You're in the middle of a report.
Mmm-hmm. When you got to go,
you got to go, right?
I'll take over.
Fine, but make it quick.
Gretel, Are you... - Kevin!
My hero hunch is tingling like crazy.
Gretel. Is your headband
too tight again?
Oh, I guess that was it.
Of course it was. Listen,
I'm in the middle of a book report.
- Gotta go.
- Okay, everyone.
I am going to make sure
each and every one of you kids
gets exactly what you deserve.
Not this time, buster.
I baked those myself.
No!
Hamster! You're going the wrong way.
- I...
- I'd like you to stay after class.
Freud often used...
Ms. Weems, unfortunately,
I have to go to the bathroom again.
Are you kidding?
In the later half of his career,
Freud continued to be wrong
about many, many things.
Kevin, the evil teacher is forcing me
and Hamster to stay after school.
Did something actually happen?
No! I mean, he says I wrecked up
the whole classroom
and smashed up
all the cupcakes he baked for us.
Well, did you?
Yes, but... Gotta go.
Don't worry. You're not in trouble.
I just want to know
if everything is okay with you.
Is there anything you want to tell me?
I thought you were evil.
I mean, I had a hunch
that you were a super villain
because of your goatee,
but my hunches are sometimes suspect.
Oh, Gretel, I'm just a teacher who wants
to do good things for children.
Wow, I feel bad.
I'm sorry, Mr. Chabner.
You really are a good guy,
even with that goatee.
Just kidding.
I'm totally evil.
I saw you and your hamster on TV,
and realized that this superhero girl
is just some regular kid out there.
So for two long, boring weeks,
I subbed elementary school classes
all over town,
until I finally found you.
But how did you know it was me?
Your name is Gretel,
and you have a pet hamster.
You'd think that'd be enough,
but I still didn't put it together
till a couple hours ago,
when I saw that you are right-handed
and Gretel is also right-handed.
So who are you?
Once upon a time, I was a young
scientist who could not grow a beard.
So I tried merging
the facial hair gene with my own DNA.
Finally, I will be able
to grow facial hair like a normal man.
Oh, crud.
But instead I transformed myself
into sentient facial hair.
Total bummer. But then I realized I can
control whoever I attach myself to.
Wait a minute. Are you telling me
you're not this whole guy?
You're just that... That mustache?
No, I'm not just the mustache.
I'm the goatee, too,
which is why they call me...
Van Dyke!
Van Dyke
Mind-controlling facial hair
Whoa!
Whoa.
How did I get here?
My hero hunch was right.
You are an evil goatee.
When I saw you on TV,
I knew with your superpowers
and my mind control abilities,
I could take over the world.
Okay, I'm out of here.
I'll just show myself out.
Fighting facial hair
Fighting facial hair
I know you think
you finally found your place
But don't get all up in my face
Better watch yourself
You better behave
Or I think you're gonna get yourself
A real close shave
Listen up, my follicular fiend
You're about to get
your dirty clock cleaned
You might wanna stop taking inventory
'Cause I think you'll find
that I'm about
To get depilatory on you
I don't wanna be a hater
But I guess
I'll have to see you a bit later
Never thought
I'd have to do this anytime, anyplace
Or anywhere
I'm fighting facial hair
Fighting facial hair
Fighting facial hair
...and in 1935, arrived in London...
...and then he died. The end.
May I go to the bathroom, please?
Whatever.
Gretel, what is going on?
It's the goatee. It controls people,
and hamsters, apparently.
I'm a Van Dyke.
It's a goatee and a moustache together.
It's got...
Sorry, Hamster.
Half beard and mustache punch!
It's called a...
Yeah, you did it!
Ha! You underestimate me.
Say goodbye to your little friend.
No!
Hey, I have facial hair...
If you or your rodent
try to do anything stupid,
your brother is minced meat.
Okay, Boomer.
No one says minced meat anymore.
No! Argh!
Ow! It hurts.
It's like every fiber
of my beard is burned...
Kevin, you saved me.
Thank you, thank you.
I think we know who did the saving here.
- Thanks, Fred.
- Fred?
How'd you know we were in trouble?
Well, I just saw the video.
You haven't seen the last of me.
Ow!
Come, put me back together.
Scoop me up off the ground.
From now on, I'm going to
trust your hero hunches, Little G.
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
Well, there was the gazebo
and the cars and the mailbox...
- Oh, stop living in the past.
- ...and your laptop.
What? My laptop!
THEME MUSIC PLAYING...
Hamster and Gretel
It's Hamster
Hamster and Gretel
you chose Sigmund Freud
for your book report.
We had to choose someone
important and controversial.
Fred picked Freud because
she thinks that he needed therapy.
Hi. I have to get to school early today,
so I'll just have this banana.
- Kevin, can we go now, please?
- Uh...
As in like right now, this second.
Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. Let's go.
- Bye, love you.
- Bye!
I heard Sigmund was a Freud of the dark.
What did I tell you
about puns before 9:00 a.m?
That you love them?
- Exactamente.
What's going on?
Okay, I had
this substitute teacher this week
who I just know
is some kind of evil villain.
So I'm going to sneak
Hamster in to go undercover
as the class pet for backup,
in case the teacher tries
anything shifty.
What makes you think the guy's evil?
Oh, it's so obvious.
He's got one of those evil
half-beardy things.
- You mean a goatee?
- Right, a goatee.
Also, I'm having one of my hero hunches.
Last time you had a hero hunch,
we had to buy Miss Greenberg
a new mailbox.
You never believe me.
I'm cautiously skeptical.
But keep your guard up
and try not to melt anything.
This cage used to belong to
our class mouse, Skippy.
What happened to the mouse?
Um...
It's not important.
Hey, there.
It's Gretel, right?
Maybe, maybe not.
What's with all the questions,
Mr. Chabner?
If that is, in fact, your real name.
Um... It is.
Says you.
Okay, careful of the door.
Gretel would think
Freud's evil because of his beard.
I have issues with sideburns myself.
Hey, look, I'm starting to grow a beard.
Maybe I'm evil. Check it out.
You mean this one strand?
It's a beard. It's just patchy.
I got hair removal spray.
- I can take care of that.
- Stay back.
Kevin. My substitute teacher is about
to do something evil any minute.
Really? What's he doing?
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
Exactly.
I know he's about to do something.
Why don't you believe me?
Because your hunches
have destroyed a mailbox,
a gazebo and three
of our neighbors' cars.
I got to go.
So that's what happened to the gazebo.
Good morning.
As you already know, I'm Mr. Chabner.
I've been enjoying
my time with all of you.
And just for fun, today I'm going to
stray from the curriculum.
Stray from the curriculum?
What's your angle, mister?
Well, Gretel,
I just like to loosen things up.
I'm going to need a volunteer.
Me, me, me, me. Pick me.
- Bailey it is.
- No!
I'm so excited!
What do you want me to do?
What's your favorite exercise?
Pole vaulting.
Something
we can do in this room.
- Jumping jacks.
- Perfect.
Stand right here.
Bailey is going to lead us all
in some jumping jacks.
Take it away.
Everybody, stand up.
And let's go.
One, two, three, four, five...
...six, seven.
No!
Four, five, six, seven.
No!
Ahh!
Why?
I thought the solar system
was gonna fall and crush you.
Yes, thank goodness that didn't happen.
Freud's most important work, he...
Uh, Ms. Weems,
I have to go to the bathroom.
Now? You're in the middle of a report.
Mmm-hmm. When you got to go,
you got to go, right?
I'll take over.
Fine, but make it quick.
Gretel, Are you... - Kevin!
My hero hunch is tingling like crazy.
Gretel. Is your headband
too tight again?
Oh, I guess that was it.
Of course it was. Listen,
I'm in the middle of a book report.
- Gotta go.
- Okay, everyone.
I am going to make sure
each and every one of you kids
gets exactly what you deserve.
Not this time, buster.
I baked those myself.
No!
Hamster! You're going the wrong way.
- I...
- I'd like you to stay after class.
Freud often used...
Ms. Weems, unfortunately,
I have to go to the bathroom again.
Are you kidding?
In the later half of his career,
Freud continued to be wrong
about many, many things.
Kevin, the evil teacher is forcing me
and Hamster to stay after school.
Did something actually happen?
No! I mean, he says I wrecked up
the whole classroom
and smashed up
all the cupcakes he baked for us.
Well, did you?
Yes, but... Gotta go.
Don't worry. You're not in trouble.
I just want to know
if everything is okay with you.
Is there anything you want to tell me?
I thought you were evil.
I mean, I had a hunch
that you were a super villain
because of your goatee,
but my hunches are sometimes suspect.
Oh, Gretel, I'm just a teacher who wants
to do good things for children.
Wow, I feel bad.
I'm sorry, Mr. Chabner.
You really are a good guy,
even with that goatee.
Just kidding.
I'm totally evil.
I saw you and your hamster on TV,
and realized that this superhero girl
is just some regular kid out there.
So for two long, boring weeks,
I subbed elementary school classes
all over town,
until I finally found you.
But how did you know it was me?
Your name is Gretel,
and you have a pet hamster.
You'd think that'd be enough,
but I still didn't put it together
till a couple hours ago,
when I saw that you are right-handed
and Gretel is also right-handed.
So who are you?
Once upon a time, I was a young
scientist who could not grow a beard.
So I tried merging
the facial hair gene with my own DNA.
Finally, I will be able
to grow facial hair like a normal man.
Oh, crud.
But instead I transformed myself
into sentient facial hair.
Total bummer. But then I realized I can
control whoever I attach myself to.
Wait a minute. Are you telling me
you're not this whole guy?
You're just that... That mustache?
No, I'm not just the mustache.
I'm the goatee, too,
which is why they call me...
Van Dyke!
Van Dyke
Mind-controlling facial hair
Whoa!
Whoa.
How did I get here?
My hero hunch was right.
You are an evil goatee.
When I saw you on TV,
I knew with your superpowers
and my mind control abilities,
I could take over the world.
Okay, I'm out of here.
I'll just show myself out.
Fighting facial hair
Fighting facial hair
I know you think
you finally found your place
But don't get all up in my face
Better watch yourself
You better behave
Or I think you're gonna get yourself
A real close shave
Listen up, my follicular fiend
You're about to get
your dirty clock cleaned
You might wanna stop taking inventory
'Cause I think you'll find
that I'm about
To get depilatory on you
I don't wanna be a hater
But I guess
I'll have to see you a bit later
Never thought
I'd have to do this anytime, anyplace
Or anywhere
I'm fighting facial hair
Fighting facial hair
Fighting facial hair
...and in 1935, arrived in London...
...and then he died. The end.
May I go to the bathroom, please?
Whatever.
Gretel, what is going on?
It's the goatee. It controls people,
and hamsters, apparently.
I'm a Van Dyke.
It's a goatee and a moustache together.
It's got...
Sorry, Hamster.
Half beard and mustache punch!
It's called a...
Yeah, you did it!
Ha! You underestimate me.
Say goodbye to your little friend.
No!
Hey, I have facial hair...
If you or your rodent
try to do anything stupid,
your brother is minced meat.
Okay, Boomer.
No one says minced meat anymore.
No! Argh!
Ow! It hurts.
It's like every fiber
of my beard is burned...
Kevin, you saved me.
Thank you, thank you.
I think we know who did the saving here.
- Thanks, Fred.
- Fred?
How'd you know we were in trouble?
Well, I just saw the video.
You haven't seen the last of me.
Ow!
Come, put me back together.
Scoop me up off the ground.
From now on, I'm going to
trust your hero hunches, Little G.
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
Well, there was the gazebo
and the cars and the mailbox...
- Oh, stop living in the past.
- ...and your laptop.
What? My laptop!
THEME MUSIC PLAYING...
Hamster and Gretel
It's Hamster
Hamster and Gretel