Hamster & Gretel (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 19 - Episode #1.19 - full transcript
(GROANS)
Bailey,
are you okay?
You just had
the craziest dream
where I was
a superhero.
How do you know
what I dreamt?
Um...
Greta, you're still
in your super suit.
No, I'm not.
Wait a minute.
This means
that you are her.
My Gretel
is superhero Gretel.
(EXCLAIMING)
(SHUSHING)
You're still dreaming.
I am not dreaming.
Stop lying!
Wait.
You've been
lying to me
all this time,
and I was
your biggest fan
and your best friend.
Well, I wanted
to tell you, but...
Before this,
I was just thinking
you were being
a bad friend.
But friends don't
lie to each other.
Bailey, please try
to understand.
Oh, I think
I understand perfectly.
I don't want to talk
to you anymore.
Starting now.
Bye, Gretel. Oops.
Okay, I don't want to
talk to you anymore.
Starting right now.
Bailey.
I can't believe
you told Bailey.
This is...
This is not good.
I should have told her
from the beginning.
I'm a terrible person.
You're not
a terrible person.
I'm the one who said
not to tell her.
It doesn't matter.
Now he's never going
to talk to me again.
MAN ON TV:
♪ Lemon, cherry
lime and grape
♪ They're icy treats
in a human shape
♪ Like doctors, nurses
firemen, cops
♪ Everybody loves
their People-Pops ♪
There's cherry syrup
in the middle.
MAN: Coming soon from
the Human-Shaped
Ice Pop Factory,
Hamster and Gretel
People-Pops.
Get 'em
while they're cold.
I don't know
whether to be
flattered
or disturbed.
(SIGHS) Bailey and I
were going to buy some
Hamster and Gretel
People-Pops
and bite their
heads off together
in our favorite tree.
Kev, we have
good news for you.
We are taking you
with us to the
theater tonight.
It's an interactive theatrical
murder mystery.
You'll love it.
Oh. I'm sorry,
but I have a wall
to stare at.
Well, somebody
has to go
because we accidentally
bought an extra ticket.
So you are
the somebody
who is going.
Who's going
to watch Gretel?
We hired
a babysitter.
Well, maybe the sitter
can go with you guys.
We don't need babysitting.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Gretel, can you get
the door, please?
(GASPS)
GRETEL: Bailey.
BOTH: Hey, guys.
Oh, we forgot
to tell you.
Roman and Michelle
are coming to the
show with us,
so you and Bailey
get to hang out tonight
and share
a babysitter.
And here
she comes now.
Hey, everybody.
I'm Lauren.
I hope
I'm not late.
Right on time.
You kids have
a great night
at home
while your parents
go out to solve crimes.
Looks like
you guys are ready
for a fun night.
(YAPPING)
Hey, kiddos.
This is
my very first
babysitting job.
I watched a ton
of tutorials
about stuff
kids like to do.
Most of it
I don't want to do,
so let's go bake
some cookies.
Hmm, that's
really nice,
but I think
I'll just read
my book.
And I'm just gonna stew
in my regret
and self-loathing.
Oh, wow, those tutorials
were way off.
I'll bake the cookies
myself then.
I'll make sure
you let your
parents know
how nice I am
and to give me
five-stars. BRB!
Bailey, can we just...
(SIGHS)
Oh, I love
fake crime.
So exciting.
So where are we?
This is the theater.
We're at the scene
of the crime.
Hello, detectives.
I called 911
as soon as I found
my roommate
Devon's body.
Please come in.
Ooh, I can't wait
to find out
who the killer is.
(GASPS)
I hope it's me.
This is gonna be
a long night.
Okay. I know
you don't wanna talk to me,
so I'm just gonna talk.
Hamster and I got
our powers from aliens,
and the first person
I wanted to tell
was you.
But Kevin said no way,
because it was too risky
and dangerous.
You know,
you can talk!
You could have
told me yourself
about who you guys are.
I don't like
being in the middle. Oh.
Please tell Gretel
that I am unpacking
my feelings right now.
Bailey says
she's unpacking...
I heard.
Time for cookies.
They were supposed
to be heart-shaped,
but they look
more like burnt cat heads.
Enjoy!
Mmm. Tastes like betrayal.
Let's build a fort.
Gretel, grab some sheets
and Bailey, you can remove
all the couch cushions.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Destructress, I need help.
It's "The" Destructress.
And I'm Lauren right now.
I told you
not to bother me tonight.
I know,
but I caught myself
in a little situation.
What situation?
I'm at the human-shaped
ice pop factory.
I was gonna destroy
all the Hamster and Gretel
ice pops
and steal the molds,
you know, for spite.
But I locked myself
in the freezer.
You're not supposed to do
evil without me,
especially when
I'm babysitting.
I was bored,
and I still don't get
why you want
stupid babysitting jobs
when you can just steal
cash from anywhere.
Because every time
we steal stuff,
we get caught.
Crime literally
doesn't pay.
Why don't you
just punch
your way out?
Okay, let's build
ourselves a fort.
Keep your
eyes peeled, detectives.
There are
clues everywhere.
This is, I mean
"was" my roommate, Derek.
He was alive
when I left for work,
but now he is dead,
of murder.
Is that a blood stain
on your pants?
Oh, that's not a clue.
I think it's gravy.
But I do have
a DNA testing device.
Sadly, it only works
in refrigeration,
and my fridge
is on the fritz.
I can take
a look at it for you.
Oh, thank you.
There's plenty of
crime DNA to be found
under all these
pizza boxes
and assorted trash.
Plus, I think there's
some clues outside.
But you can't see them
through those
dirty windows.
Are you kidding?
Hey, Detective Bummer,
the litter box
has a hidden clue.
I am not cleaning
your litter box!
Are you guys coming in?
Kids love forts, right?
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
Now what?
I'm trying to get out!
But I guess
when it's below zero,
my powers
aren't working so good.
Maybe it's the cold.
Seriously?
(BEEPS OFF)
Who wants to
go out for ice pops?
Okay. You guys chill here
while I get the ice pops.
Get it? Chill.
Speaking of ice pops,
the Hamster and Gretel ones
come out next week.
You still wanna
eat them together?
Could you please
tell Gretel
that I have unpacked
my feelings.
But now I need to put them
away again.
Bailey said...
Feelings are not clothes.
Gretel said...
Just tell her
mine are.
She said
to tell you...
I heard her.
(ALARM RINGING)
Oh, I better go make sure
the babysitter is okay.
Hamster, stay here
with Bailey.
(ALARM CONTINUES RINGING)
We're cool, right?
Yeah, we're good.
Hello!
Lauren?
Where are you?
What are they
doing in here?
(ALARM CONTINUES RINGING)
(ALARM STOPS)
Hey, what are
you guys up to?
Uh, wreaking havoc
and stealing stuff.
No, we weren't.
We were just grabbing
some People-Pops
and heading out. Bye.
Wait. Did you pay for those?
Well, no,
but I need them.
Yeah. Out of the way!
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPS)
WOMAN: ♪ You think
you've got it
♪ You really think
you've got it
♪ You think
you've got it handled
♪ Well, I think that's cute
♪ Now is your chance
♪ If you think
you wanna dance
♪ You've got a shot
so take it, baby
just shoot
♪ If you think you're so bad
♪ Step up and show me
♪ 'Cause I think you better
♪ Take a step back
♪ You don't know me
♪ I'm the bomb
I'm the best
♪ I'm better than the rest
♪ I think you better study up
♪ 'Cause this will be
on the test
♪ I'm the tip of the top
♪ And if I say jump
you better hop
♪ 'Cause I'm the bomb
I'm the bomb
♪ I'm gonna blow you up ♪
The Destructress,
a little help.
(GRUNTING)
I'm innocent! I swear
I was just trying to save
my dumb brother from himself.
You expect me
to believe that?
Yes. I can't
go to jail.
I'm babysitting
two little girls,
and they're
waiting for me
in my car right now.
Wait. Hold on.
So you're...
Babysitting is my
non-evil side hustle.
Just let me go
give the kids these ice pops
and get them home safe.
(SIGHS)
Okay, you're free,
but your brother stays.
Great.
LYLE: Great?
Thank you.
LYLE: That's not great!
The police will be by
to pick you up later.
Lauren, you can't
just leave me here!
(GROANS IN EXASPERATION)
Did you find her?
Yes. Shh.
Don't say anything.
Here you go.
Sorry that took so long.
LYLE: Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
I'm gonna destroy
the Hamster and Gretel
People-Pop molds! Yeah!
Oh, no, you won't!
Bailey! Come back!
Argh! I can't
believe this.
You are not gonna
destroy those molds!
Hamster and Gretel
are my favorite superheroes!
(GRUNTS)
Hey, don't steal
what I stole!
Stay here.
I'll take care of this.
(SIRENS APPROACHING)
(GRUNTING)
(LYLE GRUNTS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BAILEY SCREAMS)
(LYLE GRUNTING)
(LAUGHS CUNNINGLY)
Nowhere to run.
(LAUREN GRUNTS)
BAILEY AND GRETEL: Huh?
LYLE: Ooh! (GRUNTS)
(WHISPERING)
I'll break you out
later, jerk!
(SIGHS)
BAILEY: Wow!
Lauren, you just
put down a supervillain.
Nobody messes
with the babysitter.
I'll put these molds back.
Also, maybe
don't tell your parents
about this whole part.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Bailey, you don't
have to say anything,
but I just
need you to know
that you will always
be my best friend.
If you ever need me
I'll be there.
Oh, Gretel, not talking to you
has been the hardest thing
I've done
ever in my entire life,
because you're my best friend
and all I wanted to do
was tell my best friend
how hard it was for me
not to talk my best friend,
and I realized
you had to keep it a secret.
I love you, Bailey.
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
No more middleman.
Can you believe
our babysitter
is The Destructress?
What?
Yeah, Lauren,
she's The Destructress.
No way.
You know
what this means?
We finally have a secret
we both can keep.
Hello, girls.
We're back. Did you
have a good night?
Fantastic. Lauren was
the best babysitter
we've ever had.
You really
mean that?
We really mean it.
It sounds like
a five-star
review to me.
Oh, thank you so much.
Bye, girls.
Ooh, how was the play?
Oh, superb!
You do realize
that we just paid
$20 a head
so we could clean
this guy's house
and fix his appliances?
Maybe that was
the mystery.
Let's go again
next week.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Hamster and Gretel
♪ It's Hamster
♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪
Bailey,
are you okay?
You just had
the craziest dream
where I was
a superhero.
How do you know
what I dreamt?
Um...
Greta, you're still
in your super suit.
No, I'm not.
Wait a minute.
This means
that you are her.
My Gretel
is superhero Gretel.
(EXCLAIMING)
(SHUSHING)
You're still dreaming.
I am not dreaming.
Stop lying!
Wait.
You've been
lying to me
all this time,
and I was
your biggest fan
and your best friend.
Well, I wanted
to tell you, but...
Before this,
I was just thinking
you were being
a bad friend.
But friends don't
lie to each other.
Bailey, please try
to understand.
Oh, I think
I understand perfectly.
I don't want to talk
to you anymore.
Starting now.
Bye, Gretel. Oops.
Okay, I don't want to
talk to you anymore.
Starting right now.
Bailey.
I can't believe
you told Bailey.
This is...
This is not good.
I should have told her
from the beginning.
I'm a terrible person.
You're not
a terrible person.
I'm the one who said
not to tell her.
It doesn't matter.
Now he's never going
to talk to me again.
MAN ON TV:
♪ Lemon, cherry
lime and grape
♪ They're icy treats
in a human shape
♪ Like doctors, nurses
firemen, cops
♪ Everybody loves
their People-Pops ♪
There's cherry syrup
in the middle.
MAN: Coming soon from
the Human-Shaped
Ice Pop Factory,
Hamster and Gretel
People-Pops.
Get 'em
while they're cold.
I don't know
whether to be
flattered
or disturbed.
(SIGHS) Bailey and I
were going to buy some
Hamster and Gretel
People-Pops
and bite their
heads off together
in our favorite tree.
Kev, we have
good news for you.
We are taking you
with us to the
theater tonight.
It's an interactive theatrical
murder mystery.
You'll love it.
Oh. I'm sorry,
but I have a wall
to stare at.
Well, somebody
has to go
because we accidentally
bought an extra ticket.
So you are
the somebody
who is going.
Who's going
to watch Gretel?
We hired
a babysitter.
Well, maybe the sitter
can go with you guys.
We don't need babysitting.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Gretel, can you get
the door, please?
(GASPS)
GRETEL: Bailey.
BOTH: Hey, guys.
Oh, we forgot
to tell you.
Roman and Michelle
are coming to the
show with us,
so you and Bailey
get to hang out tonight
and share
a babysitter.
And here
she comes now.
Hey, everybody.
I'm Lauren.
I hope
I'm not late.
Right on time.
You kids have
a great night
at home
while your parents
go out to solve crimes.
Looks like
you guys are ready
for a fun night.
(YAPPING)
Hey, kiddos.
This is
my very first
babysitting job.
I watched a ton
of tutorials
about stuff
kids like to do.
Most of it
I don't want to do,
so let's go bake
some cookies.
Hmm, that's
really nice,
but I think
I'll just read
my book.
And I'm just gonna stew
in my regret
and self-loathing.
Oh, wow, those tutorials
were way off.
I'll bake the cookies
myself then.
I'll make sure
you let your
parents know
how nice I am
and to give me
five-stars. BRB!
Bailey, can we just...
(SIGHS)
Oh, I love
fake crime.
So exciting.
So where are we?
This is the theater.
We're at the scene
of the crime.
Hello, detectives.
I called 911
as soon as I found
my roommate
Devon's body.
Please come in.
Ooh, I can't wait
to find out
who the killer is.
(GASPS)
I hope it's me.
This is gonna be
a long night.
Okay. I know
you don't wanna talk to me,
so I'm just gonna talk.
Hamster and I got
our powers from aliens,
and the first person
I wanted to tell
was you.
But Kevin said no way,
because it was too risky
and dangerous.
You know,
you can talk!
You could have
told me yourself
about who you guys are.
I don't like
being in the middle. Oh.
Please tell Gretel
that I am unpacking
my feelings right now.
Bailey says
she's unpacking...
I heard.
Time for cookies.
They were supposed
to be heart-shaped,
but they look
more like burnt cat heads.
Enjoy!
Mmm. Tastes like betrayal.
Let's build a fort.
Gretel, grab some sheets
and Bailey, you can remove
all the couch cushions.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Destructress, I need help.
It's "The" Destructress.
And I'm Lauren right now.
I told you
not to bother me tonight.
I know,
but I caught myself
in a little situation.
What situation?
I'm at the human-shaped
ice pop factory.
I was gonna destroy
all the Hamster and Gretel
ice pops
and steal the molds,
you know, for spite.
But I locked myself
in the freezer.
You're not supposed to do
evil without me,
especially when
I'm babysitting.
I was bored,
and I still don't get
why you want
stupid babysitting jobs
when you can just steal
cash from anywhere.
Because every time
we steal stuff,
we get caught.
Crime literally
doesn't pay.
Why don't you
just punch
your way out?
Okay, let's build
ourselves a fort.
Keep your
eyes peeled, detectives.
There are
clues everywhere.
This is, I mean
"was" my roommate, Derek.
He was alive
when I left for work,
but now he is dead,
of murder.
Is that a blood stain
on your pants?
Oh, that's not a clue.
I think it's gravy.
But I do have
a DNA testing device.
Sadly, it only works
in refrigeration,
and my fridge
is on the fritz.
I can take
a look at it for you.
Oh, thank you.
There's plenty of
crime DNA to be found
under all these
pizza boxes
and assorted trash.
Plus, I think there's
some clues outside.
But you can't see them
through those
dirty windows.
Are you kidding?
Hey, Detective Bummer,
the litter box
has a hidden clue.
I am not cleaning
your litter box!
Are you guys coming in?
Kids love forts, right?
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
Now what?
I'm trying to get out!
But I guess
when it's below zero,
my powers
aren't working so good.
Maybe it's the cold.
Seriously?
(BEEPS OFF)
Who wants to
go out for ice pops?
Okay. You guys chill here
while I get the ice pops.
Get it? Chill.
Speaking of ice pops,
the Hamster and Gretel ones
come out next week.
You still wanna
eat them together?
Could you please
tell Gretel
that I have unpacked
my feelings.
But now I need to put them
away again.
Bailey said...
Feelings are not clothes.
Gretel said...
Just tell her
mine are.
She said
to tell you...
I heard her.
(ALARM RINGING)
Oh, I better go make sure
the babysitter is okay.
Hamster, stay here
with Bailey.
(ALARM CONTINUES RINGING)
We're cool, right?
Yeah, we're good.
Hello!
Lauren?
Where are you?
What are they
doing in here?
(ALARM CONTINUES RINGING)
(ALARM STOPS)
Hey, what are
you guys up to?
Uh, wreaking havoc
and stealing stuff.
No, we weren't.
We were just grabbing
some People-Pops
and heading out. Bye.
Wait. Did you pay for those?
Well, no,
but I need them.
Yeah. Out of the way!
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPS)
WOMAN: ♪ You think
you've got it
♪ You really think
you've got it
♪ You think
you've got it handled
♪ Well, I think that's cute
♪ Now is your chance
♪ If you think
you wanna dance
♪ You've got a shot
so take it, baby
just shoot
♪ If you think you're so bad
♪ Step up and show me
♪ 'Cause I think you better
♪ Take a step back
♪ You don't know me
♪ I'm the bomb
I'm the best
♪ I'm better than the rest
♪ I think you better study up
♪ 'Cause this will be
on the test
♪ I'm the tip of the top
♪ And if I say jump
you better hop
♪ 'Cause I'm the bomb
I'm the bomb
♪ I'm gonna blow you up ♪
The Destructress,
a little help.
(GRUNTING)
I'm innocent! I swear
I was just trying to save
my dumb brother from himself.
You expect me
to believe that?
Yes. I can't
go to jail.
I'm babysitting
two little girls,
and they're
waiting for me
in my car right now.
Wait. Hold on.
So you're...
Babysitting is my
non-evil side hustle.
Just let me go
give the kids these ice pops
and get them home safe.
(SIGHS)
Okay, you're free,
but your brother stays.
Great.
LYLE: Great?
Thank you.
LYLE: That's not great!
The police will be by
to pick you up later.
Lauren, you can't
just leave me here!
(GROANS IN EXASPERATION)
Did you find her?
Yes. Shh.
Don't say anything.
Here you go.
Sorry that took so long.
LYLE: Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
I'm gonna destroy
the Hamster and Gretel
People-Pop molds! Yeah!
Oh, no, you won't!
Bailey! Come back!
Argh! I can't
believe this.
You are not gonna
destroy those molds!
Hamster and Gretel
are my favorite superheroes!
(GRUNTS)
Hey, don't steal
what I stole!
Stay here.
I'll take care of this.
(SIRENS APPROACHING)
(GRUNTING)
(LYLE GRUNTS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BAILEY SCREAMS)
(LYLE GRUNTING)
(LAUGHS CUNNINGLY)
Nowhere to run.
(LAUREN GRUNTS)
BAILEY AND GRETEL: Huh?
LYLE: Ooh! (GRUNTS)
(WHISPERING)
I'll break you out
later, jerk!
(SIGHS)
BAILEY: Wow!
Lauren, you just
put down a supervillain.
Nobody messes
with the babysitter.
I'll put these molds back.
Also, maybe
don't tell your parents
about this whole part.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Bailey, you don't
have to say anything,
but I just
need you to know
that you will always
be my best friend.
If you ever need me
I'll be there.
Oh, Gretel, not talking to you
has been the hardest thing
I've done
ever in my entire life,
because you're my best friend
and all I wanted to do
was tell my best friend
how hard it was for me
not to talk my best friend,
and I realized
you had to keep it a secret.
I love you, Bailey.
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
No more middleman.
Can you believe
our babysitter
is The Destructress?
What?
Yeah, Lauren,
she's The Destructress.
No way.
You know
what this means?
We finally have a secret
we both can keep.
Hello, girls.
We're back. Did you
have a good night?
Fantastic. Lauren was
the best babysitter
we've ever had.
You really
mean that?
We really mean it.
It sounds like
a five-star
review to me.
Oh, thank you so much.
Bye, girls.
Ooh, how was the play?
Oh, superb!
You do realize
that we just paid
$20 a head
so we could clean
this guy's house
and fix his appliances?
Maybe that was
the mystery.
Let's go again
next week.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Hamster and Gretel
♪ It's Hamster
♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪